


Timber Is For Lovers

by LionessRinoaVIII



Series: SMAA Collection [20]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Headmaster Squall Leonhart, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mercenaries, Murder, Murder Mystery, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, Parent Irvine Kinneas, Parent Quistis Trepe, Parent Rinoa Heartilly, Parent Seifer Almasy, Parent Selphie Tilmitt, Parent Squall Leonhart, Parent Zell Dincht, President Rinoa Heartilly, Psychological Trauma, Romantic Soulmates, Sexual Tension, Slow Romance, Timber Garden, Timber Liberation, Triggers, seed - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 104
Words: 219,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27083626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionessRinoaVIII/pseuds/LionessRinoaVIII
Summary: Twenty-Three Years after the end of Final Fantasy VIII and the liberation of Timber, Rinoa is President and Squall is Headmaster of Timber Garden. Their daughter, Julia, who is a young SeeD working under her father, has been in love with Garden's Commander Tatsuki Mamoru all her life. However, both SeeD's lives are turned upside down as the murder of Julia's grandfather, Laguna Loire, shakes the family to its core. With the head of the family gone and her parents in mourning, Julia Leonhart isn't safe from a world that still fears Sorceress's; especially her high-profile mother. The third Sorceress War ended seventeen years ago...and yet the civil unrest has never been greater.**SEQUEL TO SEND ME AN ANGEL**
Relationships: Irvine Kinneas/Selphie Tilmitt, Laguna Loire/Edea Kramer, Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart, Zell Dincht/Quistis Trepe
Series: SMAA Collection [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765453
Kudos: 10





	1. Disc One

There was an undercurrent of electricity that wove through the atmosphere as the sound of forced laughter and heels clacking on marble permeated the stuffy air. The room was adorned with fine silks and tapestries, and intricate carvings made of solid gold stood on either side of a massive marbled throne. Duke Zidane Gabbiani of Dollet—long an ally of a liberated Timber—reclined lazily within the hunk of rock. He played his part well, and his face was colored with the tint of inebriation. He held his wine glass haphazardly between his fingers, and dark purple liquid sloshed as he waved it about.

I scratched my nails nervously along the soft navy fabric of the arm locked within my own, though my gaze remained fixated ahead of me. The mission came before my own thoughts and feelings. Always. The Duke was not the target of the night’s festivities, and in fact it was his own Gil lining our pockets. My eyes scanned the area for a short while, before I spotted activity near the bar. Long platinum blond hair fell in ringlets at a young woman’s hips, and the vibrant emerald of her dress seemed to shimmer beneath the soft light of the chandelier.

A man dressed in an ill-fitting suit spoke in her right ear and a large hand was pressed to the small of her back. The elbow of his jacket was held together by a poorly done patch job, and his greasy shoulder length brunette hair was slicked to the nape of his neck. Sticky fingers on his strategically placed hand were inching toward a pocket sewn into the young woman’s gown, and I slowly led my date toward the end of the bar. I caught a brief glimpse of myself in the sheen of the waxed ballroom floor and smiled. I looked just like her.

My maternal grandmother had been a swanky lounge pianist in the days before her life as a singer. She was no longer with us, but my mother had kept what few belongings of hers that could be salvaged from the decaying manor she’d grown up in in the heart of Deling City. This dress had been one such heirloom, and I admired the deep scarlet of the fabric as one of my long legs poked from the slit that ran up one side. The burgundy heels that adorned my feet were an accident waiting to happen, but I extended my hand as an offering to dance, regardless. My long hair had been pulled into a high ponytail and I reached to unclasp the tie that bound it in place. I shook it down my back slowly and purred loudly as we waltzed closer and closer to the target.

“Isn’t it wonderful?” I asked, flaunting the jewels that dangled from the sterling sliver bracelet around my wrist. “I can’t believe you’d give me such an expensive gift, it must have cost a fortune.”

My date pressed his forehead against my own, and I stared into his hard grey eyes as he squeezed me against him. “Only the best for you, baby. You know I have the Gil to shower you in whatever your heart desires.”

I giggled. My fingers traced the long scar that ran between his eyes and he caught my hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss. “Oh, stop it. You’re drawing attention me.”

He smirked. “Should I not?” We were swaying together, which was about as much dancing as I could muster, though he twirled me around and dipped me back with a skill that was entirely lost on me. I leaned my neck back, exposing the soft skin directly in front of the target’s line of vision. I could feel his eyes on me; it was working. “You’re devastatingly beautiful.” His voice was gruff as he spoke, and he let out a loud sigh. “You make me thirsty just looking at you. Let me buy us a round, you stay right here.”

I batted my dark eyelashes against my cheeks and folded my lips down into a pout. It seemed to be too much for the gentleman, who quietly excused himself from the blonde while I was temporarily unaccompanied. A dazzling smile was flashed in my direction and he took a bow before me. “What is a sweet thing like you doing with an old man like that? Surely you know your worth? The name’s Roger.”

Roger grabbed for my hand and I coyly jerked it away, wagging a finger in his face as if to playfully scold him. “Know my worth indeed. Don’t you recognize my date? President Leonhart seems a little old and boring after twenty-three years of marriage, I’m sure. Timber’s First Gentleman keeps me well compensated for a little action.” I proudly showed off the bracelet a second time. “Plenty more where this comes from, too.”

A possessive growl rumbled from his chest and he chewed his bottom lip as his green eyes seemed to undress me. He grabbed for my hips and ground against me as he pressed our bodies together. “I think you can do way better than Timber. Don’t you know who _I_ am? Duke Gabbiani is my uncle.” I withheld the snort that bubbled up inside of me. If this man was royalty then I was Spira herself.

“Ooh, I love an aristocrat.” I leaned forward, blowing on his lips as I teased a kiss. “Step into the shadows with me and I’ll show you how much.” I nibbled on Roger’s earlobe and a shiver shot down his body. I could feel him trembling, and his voice cracked a little once he finally composed himself enough to speak.

“Yes m-ma’am.”

The smile I wore was fake, but warm enough to melt butter, and I had him right where I wanted him. I took both his hands within my own and tugged him toward the grand staircase. It was shady beneath the large stone steps and I cornered him as I gave in to what he desperately wanted. I captured his lips, flicking my tongue against his own as he caressed his hands up and down my arms. I knew what he was up to, but I allowed the bracelet to slip from my wrist as my partner in crime came to rescue me from a mouth that tasted strongly of Badam Fish.

“You know…its one thing to steal from a lady. But it’s another entirely to put your hands on my daughter.”

We heard him before we saw him, but you could see the recognition in his eyes. He knew that voice. “Y-Your daughter? What the—” Roger’s words died on his lips as my father slid his Gunblade under my arm, impaling the thief into the hard wall of the staircase. Blood gushed from his lips, and I wiped my own off in disgust as I crammed my hands into his crowded pockets.

“Hm. I’d call for a guard, there is a lot here. But,” I said with a happy grin. “Most importantly, he was carrying this.” I pulled a long skeleton key from his breast pocket, incrusted at the top with a stunning lapis lazuli crystal.

The pride that shone on my father’s face was worth more to me than any amount of Gil our contract with the Duke was worth, and my whole body was alight with bliss as he reached out and ruffled my hair. “Good work, Jules. I’m sure the Duke will be pleased to have the key to his vault back.”

I nodded. “I’m sure. And if he kicks a little extra toward our Garden, I’ll consider that lip lock worth it.” My nose scrunched with pure disgust and Dad let out a chuckle as he snaked an arm around my shoulder and pulled me to his side.

“No one kisses my baby and gets away with it. Not even Soichiro.” He teased. I had to roll my eyes. I’d being seeing Soichiro Yoshioka off and on since the year I’d been inaugurated as a SeeD, and I thought Dad would have loosened up about it by the time I was twenty-two, but he hadn’t. He didn’t trust that boy as far as he could throw him. My father’s old school friend Raijin was his father, and his wife Felicia was my mother’s adviser and the first line of defense at the Timberian border. That alone, in my eyes, should have been enough for Dad.

“Oh, knock it off.” I jabbed my father in his ribs playfully. “I think we need to peel Papa off the floor.” I gestured toward my grandfather, who had been undercover during the operation, though he was not technically affiliated with Timber Garden. He had provided an extra pair of eyes and ears, but really his job had been to keep Duke Gabbiani from appearing suspicious. Papa kept the wine flowing and the conversation merry. It was what he was best at.

My grandfather’s cheeks were rosy, and he grinned from ear to ear as he watched us approach. His long sliver hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and he eyes crinkled with the kind of joy only my Papa knew how to exude. He was one of my favorite people in all the world. “Julie! My gosh, look at you! If you didn’t have your dad’s eyes, I’d think I was catching a glimpse of your Grandma Julia’s ghost.”

Daddy didn’t always share the adoration I had for my grandfather, and his lips formed into a hard line. He loved his father, but the two of them would annoy one another to the end of their days, I was sure of it. “That’s not exactly a compliment. She doesn’t look like a memory, she looks like her mother.” His tone was clipped, but Papa was unbothered.

“Oh, Squall. So protective. I’m sure that’s why you accompanied her on this mission and not Commander’s Dincht or Mamoru?”

Dad’s eyes flashed, but I elbowed him and he kept his mouth shut. Tatsuki Mamoru was my best friend, and he’d been recently promoted to Co-Commander of Garden to help out my Uncle Zell, who frequently had to be out with his daughter Garnet’s worsening autoimmune disease. He was someone my father greatly respected, but he wouldn’t have trusted even him with his eldest daughter. Not in this dress. It had taken an act of congress for him to let me out of the house. I twirled around, filled with glee that my Papa seemed to like the nod to my grandmother. It had made Mom smile, too. “I had hoped you’d like it.” I admitted softly.

Papa’s gentle eyes were like liquid green pools, and his wrinkled hands trembled a little as he reached for my own. He was getting so old, but I loved him more and more with each passing day. He had always been there, from day one, holding my hand. It meant everything to know that he still was as I ran full force into my career as a mercenary. My father’s shoes were big ones to fill. “Julia Raine,” His grin only broadened as he spoke my name. “I’d love you in anything you wore. You’re the most beautiful girl in all the world.” He paused for a moment, and his expression was almost bittersweet. “Well, I suppose you’re not a girl anymore, are you? Look at you!”

Dad coughed, as if he were uncomfortable, and I laughed as I watched his grey eyes stare holes into the gaudy gold trimmed ceiling. When he spoke it was directed at the Duke, though he never broke eye contact with his inanimate enemy. His tone cut through the playful atmosphere like a razor, and I was suddenly reminded that this _was_ a business transaction. I needed to act like it. I stood a little straighter and squared my shoulder’s back as Dad saluted Duke Gabbiani. “Roger Hermitage as been dealt with and the key to your valuables has been secured. Contract fulfilled in full, Sir.” He dropped the key to Dollet’s vault into the Duke’s hand.

“Excellent.” The Duke drawled, gesturing lazily toward the both of us. “This is the daughter I’ve heard so much about, I take it?”

My father nodded, and that pride that I coveted so much was shining on his face again. “She’s the best damn SeeD I’ve got, I assure you.”


	2. Chapter 2

The train ride back home was uneventful. Rain pelted the windows and a sleepiness fell over the car as I snuggled myself between my father and grandfather. Grandma Julia’s dress exposed a liberal amount of skin, and I coiled my father’s leather jacket tighter around my arms to stave off the shivering for a while longer. We had been homeward bound for hours now, and both Dad and Papa had passed out in the comfortable silence. That left me alone with my thoughts, and my lips tugged into a slight scowl. Not necessarily a bad thing, and yet, much like my father before me, I was prone to a level of over-thinking that often got me in trouble.

My mind drifted to those I had left at home. Mom was so incredibly proud of me. She trusted no one but me and Dad to come out to Dollet and accept this contract, because she needed Timber and Dollet to remain steadfast allies. Politics were becoming somewhat of a nuisance in Timber, and we couldn’t afford to lose what friends we did have. Roger’s knack for kleptomania had come in clutch; my mother was overjoyed that the Duke had come knocking on our door for help. And yet, even as I sat there, mission more than accomplished, I felt like a fraud.

Would my mother and father be so proud of me if they knew their little girl was a skank? Guilt was rolling into a tight ball in the pit of my stomach and I looked down at the friendship bracelet Tatsuki had made me when we were nine years old. It was crumbling now, but as long as it had the strength left to cling to my wrist, I would wear it forever. My fingers brushed the angel feather charm that dangled from it and I bit the inside of my cheek. I had been in love with Tatsuki Mamoru for as long as I could recall…and yet, I belonged to Soichiro, who I also loved.

I wasn’t sure when things had gotten so complicated. I knew how Tatsuki felt about me; it wasn’t a secret. The difference was the chase. Tatsuki was polite, and shy, and he was so close to my father that it was intimidating to picture him ever asking my father’s permission to express interest in me. The fact that he’d ask permission at all was infuriating. I wanted to be fought for. I wanted someone willing to jump into the cold of space for me, the way my father had my mother. As the years wore on it seemed like Tatsuki wouldn’t be that man after all, and my heart sank in my chest. I had wanted him to be with everything that I was.

A small smile curled at the corner of mouth and the sigh I breathed fogged the glass of the train car window. Soichiro was different. Soichiro was the kind of man who would leap into danger head on to protect those he loved. He didn’t care about protocol or people’s feelings, he cared about results. He was a man of action, just like Dad was. His heart wasn’t as kind as Tatsuki’s, but it was passionate. He’d saved my life on more than one occasion. I’d never physically been with either of them, but I felt guilty just the same. Emotional cheating was a thing, wasn’t it? Yet there wasn’t a thing I would change about Soichiro, and I knew that had to count for something.

His hair was long, to the middle of his back, and black as the night sky. Those dark brown eyes were almost tar-like, and yet his lips were the softest shade of pink. My favorite shade. He was an immensely talented fighter, too. Soichiro was as tall as he was broad, and he’d inherited a lot of his father’s muscle mass. In terms of his place within the Garden he was what we called a Brawler, much in the same way as my Uncle Zell. We had been off and on for several years, but I couldn’t seem to stay away from him. He had a gravitational pull that was intoxicating.

On top of that, I felt that I owed him a great deal. We had been back together several months by the time I’d accompanied my father to Dollet, but before that we had been on the outs for just as long. I told myself it was the last time. He had hurt my feelings too badly to forgive. Though, hurt feelings seem kind of distant all of a sudden, when a man has your family’s life in his hands. There had been an accident; Timber was mostly a safe place to live between the cloaking mechanism at the border and Soichiro’s parent’s patrolling on a near constant rotation. Humans were infallible, however, and every now and again someone would slip through our fingers.

On one such occasion my little sister, Yuna-Rose, had been snatched from her nursery classroom at the Garden. It was an attempt at getting to my mother, as it usually was, and the family fell to pieces. She was only five years old; not old enough to come even close to defending herself. I hadn’t waited for orders, I dispatched myself. All those years of praying for a sister, there was nothing in this world that was going to keep me from protecting her. I had crawled through the ventilation system to bypass all of Garden’s main entrances. I knew if he was holding Rosie hostage, the man would likely have shot on sight.

What I hadn’t anticipated, was a full hack of Garden’s security system. The man was a derelict Orderless lacky, left over from a time when Esthar was still a nation and Sorceresses were feared. I was too young to remember that Esthar had been the height of the worlds most advanced technology in its day, and the soldier knew I was in the vents long before I reached his position. He gassed the air vents, and Yuna-Rose and I both would have died if Soichiro hadn’t intervened. My presence had created enough of a distraction that he was able to grapple up to the second story and kick himself through the window. The soldier’s neck was broken quicker than I could bat an eyelash.

Soichiro lost complete control of himself. Once he’d made sure my sister and I were safe, there was mere pieces of that soldier’s body left by the time my Dad arrived on the scene. My heart stuttered in my chest at the memory and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I didn’t have any right to love Tatsuki the way that I did. Not when Soichiro Yoshioka was so amazing. He was going to take over the Garden from my Dad one day, I could feel it.

I was torn from my thoughts when the train rolled to a shaky halt and the intercom sounded off. We had arrived at Timber Station. “Dad, Papa, get up, we’re home.” I nudged them both softly with my elbow and Dad creaked an eye open with a deep scowl.

“Rinoa, turn the alarm off.” He muttered. I rolled my eyes and whacked him in the chest as hard as I could. The wind was knocked clean out of him and he bolted upright with a growl, probably assuming the dog had jumped up on him. “LUCA—oh.”

Papa doubled over laughing and Dad pulled his gunblade off the seat beside him before glowering at his father. “Shut up and walk, I’m sure Rinoa has dinner on the table.” I opened my mouth to tease him but closed it again as I realized who was waiting for us at the front of the subway terminal. All my thoughts and feelings about Soichiro were wiped away, and I couldn’t stop my legs as they propelled my body forward.

“TATSUKI!” My friend was nearly knocked backward with the force of the hug I slammed against his chest as I coiled my arms around his neck. It was like a dam broke, and all the stress of the mission leapt from by body as I buried my face into his neck.

“J-Julie.” His voice was so soft and meek, and he radiated warmth as he held me there. “Why are you crying? Are you hurt?” _No, I just really missed you._ I thought, though I wouldn’t dare say so aloud. I didn’t need to string him along. My feelings were so complicated that _I_ didn’t even really know what I wanted. All I knew, was that in that moment, I was home.

“No, I’m not.” I sniffled. “I’m sorry! I guess I just got excited.” Tatsuki’s dark chocolate brown eyes were wide with both relief and confusion, and the grin that slowly crept onto his face could have lit the darkest pit in Timber. He linked his arm within my own and didn’t wait for Dad or Papa to catch up before he started pulling me back toward the house.

“Your mom made your favorite! Everyone is waiting.” I couldn’t help but smile. Of course, Mom invited Tatsuki. She was the only person in all the world I had ever confessed my feelings to, and much like my father, she didn’t care much for Soichiro. I chalked it up to his bad boy persona, but I often reminded her that she had been attracted to the very same thing in Dad. That man was all leather pants and accessory belts, she had no room to judge.

We walked in a comfortable silence to my house, which wasn’t far from the station at all. It was a quaint white house tucked away behind two large weeping willows on the other side of the Timber Maniacs building from where Ms. Kaede used to live. I jammed my fingers between Tatsuki’s ribs and stuck my tongue out at him as I tore off toward my front door. “Tag!”

We were in our twenties, sure, but some things never changed. Tatsuki’s long black bangs flopped into his eyes and he huffed out a chuckle as he struggled to keep up with me. “No fair! You got a head start!” I sure had, and I took advantage of it as I skipped steps all the way to my front door. He hadn’t beaten me home in at least three years. Third annual tag champion wasn’t a title I was giving up easily.

“Mama!” I called out as I opened the backdoor, noticing that it was unlocked. I didn’t like that, not with her being President, but I supposed it was because she was expecting us home. I didn’t see her yet, but that was mostly because Tatsuki popped up from behind me and covered my eyes with his hands.

“Tag!”

I giggled and leaned back against his chest as his hands fell from my eyes and coiled around my middle. Things were so natural with Tatsuki. He had been by my side since he was four and I was five. I rest my head flat against his shoulder and he leaned his chin forward to peck me on the cheek. I froze and heat crept up my cheeks as my mouth suddenly went dry. I struggled with the desire to turn around and kiss him back, but his arms quickly fell to his side as Soichiro entered the room.

I swallowed hard and forced a sheepish smile in his direction. “Baby!” I really had missed Soichiro. He looked so handsome standing there with his hair pulled into a bun on top his head, and his hands shoved into his ripped dark wash jeans. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and I pulled away from Tatsuki to gently place my hands against the firmness of his chest. “I missed you.”

Soichiro stared Tatsuki down for a long hard moment before looking down at me with a charming smile. I didn’t want him to be angry with Tatsuki, so I stood on my tip toes to capture his lips. He smirked against my mouth and his grip on me was tight as he jammed his tongue forcefully through my lips. His fingers dug into my hips painfully and I swatted at them as he pulled back to press another hard kiss to the center of my forehead. “I missed you too.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Tatsuki hadn’t been kidding when he had said everyone was waiting. One of the first things my mother had asked of my father when they moved into this house was that he buy her a long dining room table. They knew my arrival was imminent, and though they were a small circle of teenagers at the time, Mom knew she wanted to build a large family with my father. Anyone who knew my mother knew she loved to entertain, and that dining room table had served us well over the years. There was plenty enough room for the plethora of children my parents wanted, plus guests.

Mom was seated just to the left of the head of the table, where my father would sit, waiting with a childlike excitement on her face for Dad to come and sweep her off her feet. Between her and my Nana was my Aunt Lissa, and my younger brother Noctis sat across from them beside my wiggly five-year-old sister. The table was big enough for my entire extended family, and almost every single one of them was there. The only people we were missing were Selphie, Irvine, Jacob, and Rikku, who still lived and worked in Balamb.

“Welcome home Julia!” They all shouted as my mother jumped from her seat to pepper me with kisses. We hadn’t been gone too terribly long, but that was the furthest I had ever been from home, and I knew both my mom and my godparents had been beside themselves with worry. I giggled as she seemed to strap me to her bosom, and I was saved only by my father gracing the room with his presence. Mom shot into his arms like she hadn’t seen him in months, and he smirked as he pulled her into a loving kiss. It made me happy, to see them still so in love.

Papa blew a kiss to my Nana from across the table and wiggled his eyebrows at Lissa. “I take it everyone behaved while we were away?” He was mostly teasing, but his eyes had a knowing gleam as he had a staring competition with his young daughter. Aunt Lissa had a knack for mischief and she rolled her blue eyes playfully at him as they continued to stare one another down.

Mom was a lot of things, but a snitch wasn’t one of them, and she waved her hands about dismissively. “Everyone was good as gold, Laguna. Please sit, dinner will get cold!” I didn’t need to be asked twice, the aroma that lingered in the large dining room was to die for. Dad was a better cook than Mom, that was no secret, but the one thing she knew how to make was my favorite in all the world. There were two large pots of spaghetti noodles in the center of the table, one with red sauce and one with white. But best of all, there was an enormous tray of garlic bread to the right of the entree and I was bouncing with barely contained excitement as I sank into the chair on the side of Dad that my mother wasn’t occupying.

Tatsuki attempted to sit on the other side of me, but Soichiro nudged him out of the way before he had the chance. A frown tugged at the corner of my mouth and I shot my boyfriend a stern look. “You could be nicer to him, you know. We’re close, and he doesn’t deserve—”

Soichiro clamped a muscled hand on my thigh and squeezed just hard enough to make me uncomfortable. “I _am_ nice.” He flashed a brilliant smile, and I assumed he was attempting to seduce me. I pried his hand off me and shot him a playful glare as I elbowed him lightly in his ribs. His smirk only widened. “I’ll show you how nice, if you come over tonight.”

There it was. I rolled my eyes. “You know I can’t. I just got home, my mother and siblings are going to want to spend time with me.”

Soichiro’s eyes dimmed and he muttered to himself as he scooted further away from me. “Can’t or won’t, J? They aren’t the only ones who missed you. What about me and Autumn?”

Guilt pricked my stomach again and I blanched slightly. He was right. Aside from Tatsuki, Autumn had been my best and oldest friend for as long as I could really remember. It was bad enough I was dating her twin brother, and now it seemed like I was blowing them both off, too. Was it really so wrong of me to want to spend time with my family? Sometimes I wasn’t sure. Raijin cleared his throat from across the table before my brain scrambled for form a coherent reply. “Son. I heard that. Give Jules some space, y’know? You have all the time in the world to see her.”

I smiled gratefully at Raijin, whose hands were absentmindedly petting the swell of his wife’s abdomen. They were expecting another baby girl any day now, and I was more than a little excited that I’d made it home in time for the birth. Autumn, her half-sister Kazane, and I were all so excited. Soichiro didn’t seem to care too much about the new addition, but if she was half as beautiful as Kazane was she was going to be the cutest little girl. I didn’t understand him sometimes. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize Dad was glaring daggers at Soichiro, and I quickly changed the subject. “So, what has everyone been up to while I was gone?”

Uncle Zell didn’t miss a beat. He never missed an opportunity to brag on his eldest daughter. “You’re going to be so proud of Garnet. She’s the first seventeen-year-old to ever pass the exam to be Head Medic at the Garden. She’ll be working right under the doctor at the infirmary.” Garnet didn’t like attention being on her and her round cheeks flushed with embarrassment as her eyes dropped to her hands. I winked at her.

“Congratulations, Nettie.” It wasn’t a surprise. Garnet was physically too sick to be a SeeD, but her mind was brilliant far beyond her years. She was consistently top of her class every year since Kindergarten, and if I hadn’t known any better, I’d have sworn she was Quistis’s biological daughter. I’d never met a more gifted person, and for reasons I didn’t understand, she was wasting her time dating my idiot brother. I loved Noctis with my whole heart. I did. But the boy was…different, and that was putting it mildly. I watched as he snaked an arm around Garnet’s shoulder and his black fingernails trailed lovingly through her platinum blonde curls.

“Nettie is going to surpass that doctor. I’m sure of it. She’s already found the cure for vampirism.” Noctis announced proudly, much to our father’s chagrin. Garnet laughed and leaned her head over onto his shoulder, and Zell pinched the bridge of his nose in mild irritation. My brother had been a little stuck on the old Obel Vampire myth that had been circulating around the Garden since we were children. The legend went that the original vampire was created when Sorceress Adel was cast into the lake and drowned, and her cursed form came back as a blood sucking monster.

Of course, being part of the family that he was, having been a blip inside of our mother when Adel was murdered was no excuse for Noctis to not understand the fiction of the story. Our Uncle Seifer had killed her with his own hands, but Noctis wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Garnet had made the suggestion that garlic is toxic to vampires and in Noctis’s eyes that was the most genius piece of information to ever grace his ears. I snickered a little and made eye contact with my poor father as I spoke. “Your only son is the gem of this family, I tell you.”

Dad snorted and Noctis didn’t catch the sarcasm dripping from my voice. “Thank you, Sister.” His expression was smug, like he’d won the afternoon by receiving what he perceived as a compliment from me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and grinned at him. I loved every stupid inch of my brother.

Uncle Zell’s oldest son, Barret, who was one of three triplets, groaned. The triplets were twelve years old, and each and every one of them was a handful in their own right. He attempted to speak through a mouthful of spaghetti, despite the sharp disappointment that graced his mother’s face. “That wasn’t a good thing, idiot.”

Aunt Quistis slapped her son with a look that could have killed but Noctis wasn’t paying him any mind. He was too busy grabbing cloves of garlic that Mom had sat out with the sauces and cramming them in his pocket. I sighed and glanced at my mother, who was watching Noctis with the purest love in her eyes. She had never minded a bit that her baby was eccentric. Mom’s love was boundless, for all three of us, and I smiled warmly at her. She was gripping Dad’s hand tightly, as if she were afraid he might disappear. I knew she still harbored some anxiety from when he had fought in the war, and she didn’t like to be away from him. “Thank you for dinner, Mama.”

“You’re welcome, baby. I hope you like it.” She answered softly. Mom reached across the table to take my hand, but Yuna-Rose decided to wedge her little fingers between our mother’s and bring it to her mouth to kiss. Rosie was a _very_ affectionate little ball of a child, and she was a spitting image of our father. She had his hair, his eyes, his face, it was almost spooky. “Yuna,” Mom chuckled. “I was trying to hold Sissy’s hand. Haven’t you missed her?”

Yuna-Rose grinned as wide as she could, exposing her missing front teeth. “I just wove yoo Mommy. Juwie has Tatsuki to wove on her!” I didn’t know what had made her say that all of a sudden, but I could feel the color draining from my face.

Soichiro’s body went rigid at my side, and when I braved a look at him his dark eyes flashed. His jaw was clenched and Tatsuki coughed hard as he politely wiped his mouth with his napkin and rose from the table. “U-Um, thank you so much for dinner, ma’am. I should probably be heading home. I shouldn’t keep Mom waiting too long.” I chewed on my bottom lip and willed the tears pricking my eyes away. I knew that was a lie. Mrs. Mamoru was probably in bed already, she was an early riser. Tatsuki was just trying to make life a little easier on me. Soichiro could get a little jealous, it was part of the reason we had broken up the last time.

Mom’s brow furrowed, as if she didn’t understand the sudden rush, and she also rose abruptly from her seat at the table. “Let me pack a plate for your mother, sweetie, if you’re sure.” Her bright blue duster skirted the floor as she moved hastily toward the kitchen, and once again I could see Dad mentally lighting my boyfriend on fire.

“M-May Ichi and I excuse ourselves to my room?” I asked timidly. “I was planning on staying the night with him and Autumn.”

I wasn’t used to be told no, my parents trusted me with a lot, so I was surprised when my father’s clipped tone cut through the awkward atmosphere. “No ma’am. Soichiro can go home with his parents. Your mother wants you here with us.” I didn’t miss the part of the sentence he left off, I could see it written in his stony expression. _Your mother wants you home with us where you belong._ That was fair. I had just gotten home from another country, and Mom had worried herself to death.

I sucked in a hard gust of air and swallowed. There went my attempt at lessening Soichiro’s foul mood. “Yes, Daddy.”


	4. Chapter 4

We sat in silence for a long while after everyone had gone home. Mom was putting Rosie to bed and Noctis would have rather died than sit and watch TV with the whole family, so it was just Dad and I. I was curled into his side and his arm was coiled around my waist, but I knew neither of us were watching whatever black and white movie was droning on in the background. We were both plagued with our own thoughts. My feelings were mildly hurt by Soichiro’s behavior at dinner, but it was something I’d grown accustomed to. I often compared him to my father, but as I sat there in his embrace, I knew that was my mind justifying things that I ought not. He lacked every ounce of warmth my father had. I already had bruises on my hips from where he’d held me too tight, and Daddy would have never left a mark on me or Mom ever.

That realization had me in my feels and I tried as hard as I could not to allow my lips to quiver. Why did he hurt me to prove a point? Maybe he didn’t realize that’s what he was doing. That had to be it. I could see that he loved me. Why else would he have bothered saving my sister and I? I shook the thoughts from my mind and sighed as I burrowed deeper into my father’s side. He finally braved a glance at me, and in the dim light of the television I could see tears shining in his own eyes. “Daddy? What’s wrong?” Worry pricked along my spine and it was all I could do to look at him. I hated to see either of my parents upset, but especially Dad. He didn’t take displays of emotion lightly, so I knew something was gnawing at him.

Dad leaned forward and pressed a kiss into my hairline. “Can we talk about something?” 

Okay, now I was  _ really  _ scared. “Did I do something wrong?” I had worked my entire life to make my father proud, even going as far as letting my magic take a backseat so I could give one hundred percent of myself to becoming a  gunblade specialist. I became a  SeeD , I took my inheritance of the Lion Heart so seriously that the weapon was in the shop every other week being polished and sharpened. I was his firstborn; I did everything I could to follow in his footsteps. Now it suddenly felt like I had missed a step. He’d never once pressured me into the path I’d chosen,  _ his  _ path, but the fear of letting him down choked me regardless. 

He smiled. “No, baby. Of course not.” Dad reached for the remote and muted the TV as he turned to face me. “ Juli -Bean, listen to me. If I’ve kept you too close, it was because I wanted better for you than the life I lived before I met your mother. I didn’t ever want you to feel afraid, or sad...or alone.” He stopped  abruptly , as if something caught in his throat, and he coughed awkwardly before looking away.

“Dad...look at me. I'm none of those things. You gave me everything you had, so young. You were the best father I could have asked for. I am more than not alone, I’m loved, I’ve never doubted that.” I didn’t understand where this was coming from. My childhood had been perfect after the war was over, and before that? Nothing happened that was his fault. Had I not done well in  Dollet ? The mission was a success, but my father never had disclosed the mission report with me. Maybe I had dropped a  SeeD rank; maybe I hadn’t been a good actress. Something. “Would you please say what you mean?”

Dad’s gaze dropped to his lap, but he couldn’t hide the smile that touched his eyes. “That is one thing about you I’m glad you inherited from me. You never have liked sugary or minced words. Straight to the point.” He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. “I’m grateful that you know how much you’re loved. That wasn’t what I was questioning. I just...I’m worried that I sheltered you from the world outside of the Garden a little too much. That I've controlled too much of your life and your environment. You’re twenty-two years old, Julia, you’re an adult.  So when I told you  you couldn’t go to Soichiro’s tonight, I kind of expected some push back. You...didn’t even try to reason with me or my decision, you just folded. Baby,” He paused for a moment, as if struggling to think of the right words. “I don’t want to be to you what Fury Caraway was to your mother. If I ask you not to do something and you don’t think it’s fair? Tell me so. Please?”

That was the very last thing I had been expecting him to say. I was blindsided by the anger that suddenly boiled just beneath the surface. I didn’t want to be cross with my father when he was opening up to me, but his words rubbed me the wrong way. “So, you’re telling me you feel like you’ve raised a sheep?” I asked slowly, trying and failing to hide the frustration that bit into my every word. Dad blanched a little and I counted to ten as my lips pressed into a thin line. “I didn’t leave the house earlier because I agreed with you.” 

“I didn’t--I wasn’t accusing, I just—shit.” Dad scooted away from me a little and the dejected and pained expression that pinched his face made me feel like shit immediately. He was trying to tell me it was okay to be honest with him about my wants and I was throwing it back in his face. 

“No, I’m sorry. It just...I guess it hurts me to know that you’d ever think of yourself that way. Fury Caraway abused my mother, you’re a far cry from that shitbag. Dad you’re everything to us. All four of us. And sometimes I worry that you don’t see how much we love you. Why would you ever say such a thing? You’re my Daddy. I listen to you because I love and respect you, not because I’m afraid of you. I promise.” I smiled at him and he looked as if he were about to cry. I could tell he was relieved that I seemed to think he was a good parent and he blinked several times to batt away the tears he refused to spill. 

Dad jerked me into a tight hug and rested his chin atop my head. “I love you, too. I just wanted to be sure, Jules...that I hadn’t...pushed you into taking the bullshit that Soichiro throws at you. That I hadn’t somehow taught you to be subservient. I don’t want that for you, and I don’t like the way that boy is treating you. I have no right to say you can’t date him, but don’t let his bad attitude steal your sunshine. You promise?”  _ Oh, Daddy.  _ I pecked his cheek and wrapped my arms around his neck to give him a big squeeze. 

“I love you more, and I pinky promise.” Mom had always taught me that a pinky promise was the one kind you could never ever break, and I linked mine within Dad’s as tight as I could. He laughed and ruffled my hair the way he always did, and I was glad to see real happiness reenter his eyes. 

“You could never love me more than I love you.” 

I snorted and rolled my eyes “Bullshit!” I poked at him playfully right under his left armpit, where I knew for  fact he was most ticklish, and he jerked away from me with a playful scowl. He couldn’t hold it, and his lips twitched as he struggled not to smile. 

“Okay, Bean, enough. It’s late. Your old man is  gonna hit the hay. Sleep well, baby.” 

I kissed him again and nuzzled my face against his chest as I wrapped him in one last bear hug for the night. “You too, Dad. Sweet dreams.” Dad climbed up the stairs to go hop in bed with Mom, who I was sure was tuckered out after bath and bedtime with Yuna. Yuna-Rose wasn’t a docile child by any stretch of the imagination. I had no idea where Noctis was, but I didn’t really care, either. He wasn’t really someone I could vent my emotions to, and he wouldn’t take my feelings seriously. That left me all alone, and with everything my father had left me to mull over, that wasn’t a good idea for me. The last thing I needed was to over-think myself into a hole. 

I needed my other half. I needed to see Tatsuki. With the way he’d bolted from the house, I knew exactly where I’d find him. He had I had a special place we went when we needed to disappear from life for a while, and somehow, I knew he was waiting for me there. Once the coast was clear I bolted up the stairs and locked the door to my bedroom. The fairy lights that twinkled from my baby pink walls illuminated the dark room and I slid into an oversized white and pink hoodie. It was the tail end of January, and nights were a little chilly. I tucked my hands away in a pair of white fingerless gloves before jerking my window open and scaling down the side of the house. 

I didn’t know why I was bothering to sneak out of my own house. Hadn’t Dad just given me the green light to make adult decisions on my own? I suddenly felt a little silly, but what was done was done. I had wanted to sleep with Mom that night, I missed her, but I knew she was exhausted, otherwise she’d have come back down to say goodnight. I promised myself we’d spend the night together the following evening as my boots hit the ground, crunching against the dead grass. 

The old playground in Central Park had been the sanctuary for so many of mine and Tatsuki’s adventures growing up, so I could have walked there blindfolded had I wanted, but I tugged a thick black flashlight from my bag regardless. The night was eerie and the wind bit at my cheeks as I trotted off toward the park as quickly as I could. There had been a call for rain, but thankfully the moisture in the damp atmosphere didn’t decide to twist into a torrential downpour. It didn’t help with the cold, however, and I shivered violently as I dug my fingers into Central Park’s chain-link fence. I climbed up and over as I kicked off with my feet and hoisted myself into the park’s mossy flowerbed. 

“Tatsuki? Are you out here?” I called, peeking around the swing sets for any sign of my friend. I shivered again, turning my face toward the night sky in mild wonder. The moon was full, and it seemed to smile at me as I loitered beneath it in the near-total darkness. I was beginning to think I’d made a mistake, coming out there alone, when I heard my favorite voice call out from the top of the large plastic cat slide in the far corner of the playground. It was shaped like a dome, and Tatsuki was perched at the top, swinging his legs back and forth absently. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he’d been crying, and I bolted off toward the slide as fast as I was able.

Tatsuki Mamoru wasn’t allowed to cry, that was a sin on behalf of the whole universe, and I regretted any part I may have had in it. I clamored up the side of the slide a little too quickly, losing my footing on the dew-covered steps. I shrieked, and Tatsuki lunged for the drawstrings on my pullover. He jerked me forward enough for me to grasp at the top of the hard plastic and steady myself as I scrambled to sit at his side. “J-Jeez, thanks, T.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Are you okay?” Tatsuki asked softly. He sniffled a little, and I frowned at him. His hair was longer in the front than it was in the back, and he used his bangs as a curtain to try and hide his eyes, but I knew he’d been crying. I took a deep breath once I was securely seated and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“I should be the one asking _you_ that.” I tucked his hair behind his ear and rest my chin on his shoulder as I looked at him. He was staring off into space, as if my touch wasn’t even registering with his body. “I’m so sorry for—”

I felt Tatsuki’s body tense and his mouth twisted into an angry scowl. It wasn’t something I saw often. Even on the battlefield Tatsuki remained cool as a cucumber. He was poised, graceful, even. Watching rage flicker across his dark eyes was a rare sight. Unlike Soichiro, however, I was confident it wasn’t directed at me. Tatsuki didn’t have an aggressive bone in his body. “Don’t apologize for that asshole.” His words were bitter, but he never once raised his voice at me, and his hands were gentle as they reached for my own. “It’s beneath you. _He_ is beneath you.”

I blew a gust of air from my nose, sending wisps of my hair flying across my forehead. I guessed everyone was expressing their distaste for my boyfriend that night. “Yeah. Dad was just telling me he didn’t like him either.” My voice sounded so small and far away, and I hated the way it made me feel. Since when was I meek? This wasn’t my personality. Things I didn’t care for were becoming clearer, but I couldn’t put my finger on why I wasn’t more driven to do something about it.

“Well, would _you_ like it? If a man came into your house and degraded your daughter like she was a piece of meat?”

I didn’t know why, but I was surprised. Is that what was happening? Soichiro wasn’t always the nicest person, but it didn’t feel quiet that level of atrocious to me. At this point, however, I was starting to doubt whether I was a good enough judge of character to know better. Dad’s words were ringing in my ears and my lips quivered as I spoke. “Tatsuki…do you think I’m…subservient? I wasn’t ever like that growing up. I was strong-willed…right? Am I…am I still…”

I was starting to panic. My throat felt like it was going to close on me and I squeaked as I struggled to suck air back into my lungs. Tatsuki’s arms were all over me at an instant, and he pulled me into his lap. His fingers threaded through my hair and one of his large hands cradled the back of my head as he shushed me. He was so warm and I melted into the embrace as he held me there. “You were and _are_ strong-willed. You don’t have a subservient bone in your body. Or at least…you didn’t. You don’t see it because you love him, but that’s how he’s trying to force you to be, Jules.” He admitted softly.

Tatsuki smelled strongly of cologne, but not in an overpowering way. It was earthy, like soil after a light rain, and I breathed him in as I struggled to wrap my mind around his words. I knew he was right, to the core of me. My heart just didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t know what to say, but I didn’t have to say anything. Tatsuki didn’t mind filling the silence. “Don’t let him take you from me. O-Or you Dad, or your Mom. Don’t let him twist you into someone we don’t recognize. Because you…Julia Raine, are an extraordinary woman. You’d be doing the whole world a great disservice.”

Fuck this, I thought. He didn’t have any right to elicit feelings in me that strong. He didn’t have the right to pull every ounce of love I had for him and jerk it back to the surface. I had long since accepted that Tatsuki and I weren’t meant to be…and here he was making me feel like he filled every missing piece of my soul. A harsh sob gripped the inside of my chest, but Tatsuki wasn’t having any of that. He reached to cup my chin and forced me to look at him as he titled my face upward. I could feel my nose starting to run, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and he rocked to sooth the convulsing of my shoulders as I wept. “T, d-do you…do you love me?”

The silence that followed was crushing, and the rise and fall of Tatsuki’s chest increased rapidly. _Way to go, Julia._ I swore at myself. _You let your emotions spill across a boundary. That wasn’t cool._ I was fully prepared for him to push to me away; imagine my surprise when his face fell forward. He pressed his lips against my own so softly that I almost didn’t feel them. He held still as a statue, and I would have opened my mouth to him if he hadn’t shyly pulled away. He was trembling, and he refused to look at me as he gnawed on his bottom lip. “Of course I love you. You’re my best friend.”

… _Oh. Ouch._ I supposed I should have seen that coming. “…whatever.” It was like he had turned a valve, and my emotions slowly sputtered out before shutting off completely. This had been a mistake. “Listen, I need to go. Mom will be worried.” I wriggled from his grasp and shimmied back down the plastic steps, bolting for the gate before he even had the chance to respond.

His voice sounded confused as it called out after me, but I didn’t look back as I catapulted myself back across the fence. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid. Of course he loved me as a friend. He was giving me a comfort kiss and I had been sitting there plotting to shove my tongue inside his mouth. I was disgusted with myself. _You have a boyfriend._ I reminded myself bitterly. _You have a boyfriend and you will stand by him. Just like Mom stands by Dad. That’s how love works._ I couldn’t just run at the first sight of trouble. Soichiro had had a hard life. He just needed someone to go the extra mile for him, and I was squandering my opportunity to be that person.

I couldn’t stop the tears from resurfacing as I made it back to the house. I was hysterical by the time I had managed to climb from the bottom story up the bright white lattice beneath my window. The walls in our house were paper thin and I could hear someone rustling around in the bathroom as I struggled to get my emotions under control. “Get a grip Julia.” I whispered angrily, jamming my legs into my pajama bottoms as there was a knock on my bedroom door.

The knock was dainty, and I knew it was Mom before she ever spoke a word. “Julie? Baby? Are you alright in there? I heard a thud.” Goddamn it. I knew I’d hit the hardwood too hard on my way back in.

I huffed and folded my arms across my chest. I wanted to open the door, I wanted her to hold me, but she didn’t need to see me like this. Torn up over two men I probably had no business even seeing in the first place. I was so naïve. “It’s nothing, Mama. Please go back to bed.” My voice cracked and I knew it was all over. She wasn’t going anywhere, not when she could hear me crying. My mother wasn’t like that.

“Julia Raine, open this door please.” Her tone was gentle, but authoritative, and I grimaced as I ambled toward the door. I tugged on the latch and glued my eyes to my feet as my mother’s perfume wafted to greet me. My mother and I had been one singular unit from the moment of my conception. We shared a soul, we were never away from one another long if either could help it. Unfortunately, that meant any tears I shed Mom shed with me. Tears pricked her eyes immediately and I couldn’t hold anything back from her as she pulled me into her arms. “Tell Mama what’s wrong.”

I squeezed her as hard as I could. Everything I had been holding onto since dinner rolled out of me like a tidal wave and I clung to her tank top as if I were still a toddler. “Will you s-sleep with me t-tonight?” I could practically feel the alarm that shot through her, but she tried not to vocalize it. She didn’t want to pry, that wasn’t her way. She kissed my forehead and hiccupped as her own tears quietly spilled over.

“Of course, my angel. Of course, I will sleep with you.” I was hoping she would chalk it up to me missing her, which wasn’t a lie, but Mom wasn’t stupid. My pajamas were only half on, and she eyed my hoodie with a small grin as she pulled back a little. “I hope Tatsuki isn’t as crushed as you clearly are.” It wasn’t an accusation, merely a statement, and I knew she wasn’t angry with me. She put her hands behind her back and leaned forward playfully, a mannerism I’d noticed in myself.

Mom was trying to lighten the mood, but I wasn’t sure it was able to be lightened. I shrugged. “I don’t want him hurt. Ever.” Was all I could think to say. Mom stretched and yawned a little, bouncing onto my bed with a spring in her step that wasn’t indictive of her swift approach to forty. Thirty-nine looked great on my mother, and she snuggled into the sheets with her arms wide open.

“I know you don’t baby. Come here.” I didn’t bother changing my clothes the rest of the way, it was cold and the hoodie was comfortable. I climbed into bed and Mom’s expectant arms tugged me against her as the comforter seemed to swallow us both. “One day the two of you will look back on this and laugh. I’m telling you, Soichiro is just a stop on the way to your happily ever after.”

I wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but somehow she was already out like a light. I sighed. Make that three people. I wondered what Papa thought of Soichiro, since everyone else seemed to have such a low opinion. I’d go see him the following morning, it was almost his birthday anyway, and it wasn’t every day an old man turned sixty-seven. I didn’t want to think about Soichiro anymore. I snuggled into my mother’s embrace and promised myself I’d leave it all at the door and get some well-deserved shut eye. It had been hard to sleep in Dollet. My nerves were shot and I was missing home. If I lost any more sleep I’d be delirious, and that wouldn’t help anybody.

The last thought I had before drifting away, was of my sweet Dalmatian, Luca, who jumped up and curled into a skinny puddle at the foot of the bed. She stretched her tired old paws out on my legs and I smiled. There was so much about life that I had to hold dear to my heart. I needed to get out of my head and my shattered feelings and let myself enjoy it. Mom was here. Dad was here. Luca was here. I was going to be okay.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke feeling energized and I kissed my mother on the cheek before I slid gently from her embrace. I pulled the downy pink comforter to her chin and made sure she was comfortable before I began to get ready for my day. We might have been paid lucratively for the mission in Dollet, but I was still a SeeD, and I couldn’t afford to rest on my laurels for long. There was always more work to be done. In the five years since I’d graduated the program I’d only ever been sent on contracts around our own country, but now? Dad had seen what I was capable of. He was loosening the reigns, giving me more responsibilities, but also more freedoms. I was more than ready to throw myself into whatever was coming next.

I tied my hair up with the old ribbon my father had given me for my fifth birthday and rummaged around for my uniform. It was similar in design to that of Balamb Garden, whose colors were navy and gold whereas ours were navy and white. We didn’t stand out much from the Garden in Balamb, but that was to be expected. Balamb had been my parents’ home for a long time before they built our Garden from the ground up. I tugged my socks to my knees and gave myself a once over in the mirror, smoothing the wrinkles from my skirt _. Let’s do this._

I had barely jerked my bedroom door back when my father came barreling toward the doorway. His lips were curled into a lopsided frown, and he peeked in to get a look at my mother, who was still sleeping soundly. “I don’t know where you think you’re going.” He whispered. “You’re not scheduled for duty today.” I knit my brow, but I wasn’t given the opportunity to speak. “You haven’t been the same since we got home. You haven’t asked your mother to sleep with you in years.”

Frustration was swelling in my chest and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep me from speaking out of line. He was my father and my Headmaster. I wasn’t about to be insubordinate, but I _did_ want to know what the hell he was going on about. “Is this about Dollet? Have I dropped in rank, Sir?” That had been on my mind since the night prior. He hadn’t shown me the report on our work. He had told the Duke I was the best SeeD he had but…I didn’t feel like I lived up to my reputation. I had to work hard to earn my place, I didn’t want anyone to think I got to SeeD rank A as young as I did just because Squall Leonhart was my father.

Dad looked so worried I almost wish I hadn’t spoken at all. “This is exactly what I’m talking about, Julia, you just called me Sir in our own home. I’m your _father.”_ I hadn’t meant it like that, it was a habit. I didn’t like calling him Dad when we were at school. The other cadets looked at me like I had a third eye. “You’ve been approved for leave until I say it’s time for you to come back. Something is bothering you, and I’m going to figure it out.”

“Daddy,” I sighed. This wasn’t a battle he could fight for me. I’d been feeling this way for a long time but being away from home had given me a sense of clarity I hadn’t asked for. I needed to figure out what direction I wanted my life to go in, and who I wanted to be with when I took that path. But I didn’t want it to interfere with my work, it wasn’t professional. I wasn’t as good at controlling my emotions as Dad was. I’d been unfortunate enough to inherit my mother’s impassioned lack of impulse control.

“That’s better.” He said with a small smile. “Go love on your mama. Go back to bed. I’ll take care of things at Garden, and when I get home, you and I are gonna spend the evening together, okay?” He didn’t wait for my response, not because he didn’t care to hear it, but because he was going to be late. He pressed a swift kiss to the center of my forehead before disappearing down the hallway.

I wasn’t sleepy, I didn’t want to go back to bed, I wanted to work. I groaned and looked down at my phone. I had three missed calls and several texts from Tatsuki. _Did I upset you? I’m sorry about the kiss, I won’t do it again. Please don’t be angry. Julie?_ I almost couldn’t bear to read them. I didn’t know what Tatsuki expected. He had to know how I felt about him, right? Or was I so focused on work and my family that I came across as disinterested? I guessed it didn’t matter. He didn’t feel the same way, and I was wasting my time. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my fingers through my mother’s silk hair. “Mommy?”

She didn’t budge. I looked back down at my phone and clicked into Tatsuki’s chat box. I didn’t want things to remain weird between us. _Good morning, T. I’m sorry I’m just now responding, I went to bed pretty early. Do you…maybe want to go spend time with Papa today? It’s cool if you don’t._ I hit send and I was surprised when my phone vibrated no more than ten seconds later with a response. _Rain check, Jules. Working._ Shit, that’s right, I thought solemnly. Of course, he was getting ready for work like everyone else but me. The phone buzzed again. _Wait, are you not working today? What’s wrong? I’ll tell your Dad Commander Dincht can handle things today._

I pinched the bridge of my nose and let out an exasperated sigh. I didn’t want him to do that. I felt needy enough as it was. _Please don’t, these are Dad’s silly orders, I’m fine. Have a good day Tatsuki._ He fired back asking if I was sure, but I didn’t dare respond when another message lit my screen. It was from Soichiro. _Good morning, beautiful._ Was all it said. I smiled, but I wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easy. He had shown his whole ass at my welcome home dinner. He could stand to be left on read for an hour or two. I put my phone down and poked lightly at my mother. “Mom!”

She creaked a brown eye open this time and stuck her tongue out at me. “I heard you the first time, my love.” I leaned back into the soft covers and rolled onto my side. I pressed my face all the way against her own and blew, making a fart sound against her cheek. Mama was just as silly then as she had been when she was a teenager, and she snickered as she pulled back to look at me. “What are you up to this morning? You only call me Mommy when you want something.” She narrowed her eyes playfully at me and I kissed the tip of her nose.

“Spend the day with me?” I asked, admiring the happy grin that tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Or do you have super fancy top secret President things to do today?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed again. Mom did most her work from home, in her office. She’d work until around five and then go check on things down at Sanctuary Heartilly. Timber was the only nation in all of Gaia that was a safe haven for Sorceresses. Most of our citizens had once been Sorceress refugees fleeing the war in Esthar. Dad and Tatsuki both ran a task force alongside the Sanctuary, called The Lone Knights of Aria North. It was comprised of an anagram of my mother’s name, in her honor, and was a special branch of the Garden created to police magic.

Aria North is also, consequently, what my father decided to name the capitol city of Timber. Under Galbadian occupation, the capitol was considered the city state of Timber, while the rest of our land was just Galbadia. All of that changed when my parents liberated the nation. Pride exploded inside me just thinking about it, and it only intensified as I felt my mother’s lips press against my temple. “I think I can spare a few hours of the morning. What are you thinking so hard about, Julie? You are your father incarnate.”

“Let’s go, then, come on!” My answer was a none answer, but I was excited, and I tugged on my mother’s hand as hard as I could. I wanted to see Papa terribly. His birthday technically was the third of January, but we didn’t celebrate it until the end of the month, per his request to celebrate on Grandma Raine’s birthday. Well, it was the end of the month, and Papa shouldn’t ever have been left alone to think about Raine. I knew that he missed her. Nana would be at the Sanctuary until Mom came to relieve her. After that, the Lone Knights would take night shift rotations.

Mom didn’t protest much once she actually got going. She wasn’t much of a morning person. Dad had taken Yuna-Rose to the Garden with him, per usual, so we were free to leave early into the morning. We left the house about nine am, and Mom put Luca on a leash to knock out two birds with one stone. Luca had lived way beyond her life expectancy, she was seventeen years old, and she could really only take one walk a day now, but she loved it. She was blind in both eyes and she was missing a few teeth, but she tottered along just as happy as she ever did as we made our way to my grandfather’s house.

Papa’s house was smaller than our own, but you wouldn’t know it from taking in the stately countenance it wore from the outside. It was tall and made of brick and wrought iron gates surrounded the front garden. Nana kept her elaborate garden immaculate, and there were flowers and shrubbery of every color and size pruned to perfection along the winding driveway. I knocked three times on the door before we heard a loud crash and the distinct sound of metal scraping against hardwood. “Laguna? Are you alright?” Mom called through the door.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine, it’s all cool.” He shouted back, fumbling with the locks for a few moments before materializing in front of us. His eyes were bloodshot, like he’d been crying, and his aged face was tight with frustration as he attempted to hide the mess he’d made in the foyer behind his body. He smiled brightly at us both and reached for our hands. “How are my girls?”

His hand was cold within my own and I frowned. I _knew_ he shouldn’t be alone. Lissa was in class, and I was sure Papa had used every ounce of his strength to tear himself from bed. He loved Edea so much, but Grandma Raine had been my father’s mother, and the star-crossed love of his life. Her passing would always hurt him. I wasn’t about to let Papa be sad, and I could tell Mom wasn’t either. He had been like a father to her over half her life now, and she smirked at him as she planted her hands firmly on her hips. “We’ll be better when you invite us inside. It’s that time of year again, Wonton in Wutai will be airing reruns for its anniversary!”

Papa didn’t even try to hide the smug smile that crept onto his face and I poked him under his arm for being a weird old man. He loved his soap operas, he had for as long as I could remember. I tickled him, and my whole body felt warm with love at the sound of his laughter. Laguna Loire was a gift to our family. “Happy birthday, Papa.”


	7. Chapter 7

Papa knew how to talk, that was for sure. Mom and I couldn’t have paid attention to his soap if we had wanted to. He told us all about how Lissa was doing in school and how he thought she was going to marry Jacob  Kinneas . Apparently, she was making regular trips to  Balamb Garden to see him on the weekends. He showed us her gun collection and told us about how she was trying to cut it as a sharpshooter as she approached this years  SeeD exam. It was clear that he was very proud of her, because when he wasn’t talking about Lissa, he was talking about the girl’s cat, Charmander, who was the brightest, ugliest shade of orange I’d ever seen.

Charmander was missing a front leg and was the grumpiest animal I’d ever met, yet Papa spoke of him very fondly. The cat was perched in his lap, staring me down with its singular glowing yellow eye. It was menacing, and I could feel Mom laughing at me from my side as I glared at the beast. I was definitely a dog person. “Papa…are you sure he’s…alive?”

As if on cue, the cat pounced onto the windowsill from Papa’s lap and arched its back. It hissed and dug its claws into the peeling white paint. Papa’s silver eyebrows rose as he leaned forward to take a look outside. “Oh! We have company, Julie, your boyfriend is walking up the driveway!”

Papa sounded chipper, but I could feel the color draining from my face. I had wanted to ask Papa what he thought of Soichiro, but there went all thought of that. I couldn’t fathom why on earth he would just show up there, until I remembered that I’d left him on read. Was he worried about me? There were butterflies in my stomach suddenly, and I bolted from my seat as he knocked on the door. “I’ll get it, Papa!” My hands were suddenly in my hair, making sure it was smoothed down and looked nice before I shyly opened the door. “H-Hi,  Ichi .”

“Oh, thank  Yevon . Baby, come here.” Worry dripped from Soichiro’s voice and he jerked my hips toward him as he pulled me into an intoxicating kiss. He smelled like heaven and I melted against him as I threaded my fingers in his soft black hair. “You didn’t respond to my text and never showed up for work. If anything happened to you…” He  rest his forehead against my own, and all confusion I had about our situation was wiped clean.

“I…” My heart was beating in my ears and heat crept up my cheeks. “I love you. I’m sorry to have worried you.” He was gripping me too tight again, and I wriggled a little as pain shot down my legs, but his voice was soft as butter as he replied.

“I know you’re sorry, I forgive you. What’s important is what we’re together now, okay? Let’s spend some time with your gramps, I know he misses his first wife.” My face lit with an excitement I hadn’t felt in a long time and I snuggled against Soichiro as he threaded his fingers through my own.

“Mom! Papa! Soichiro is here to spend the day with us!” Papa was grinning at him, just as goofy as ever, but the expression on Mom’s face fell from her normal bubbly radiance to a sullener demeanor. My heart sank a little. She really  _ didn’t  _ like him, did she? Soichiro didn’t seem to notice and he gestured to the mess that Papa had left in the hallway.

“Looks like you dropped something, Mr. Loire. Let me clean it up for you.”

Papa insisted that he needn’t trouble himself, but Soichiro had been there a few times before, and he was already heading to the cupboard to grab a broom and dustpan. “What a fine young man.” I could have sung with relief that Papa seemed to think he was a gentleman, though it bothered me to no end that Mom seemed to be reading the room differently. At least I knew Papa would always be on my side. He’d promised me that ever since I was a little girl, back when he used to be my Knight. “Tell me, son. Do you plan on making an honest woman of my granddaughter?”

My face flushed scarlet, and I opened my mouth to chastise him, but Soichiro seemed so in his element. The wide Cheshire cat grin that consumed his features was charming, and he chuckled as he ran his fingers through his long hair. “ Of course I do, sir. Who else is going to give you great-grandchildren? I don’t think your grandson is quite…capable.”

Mom’s face turned burgundy and I swallowed hard. I thought he was joking, but that wasn’t a button you pressed around my mother. She was Daddy’s lioness. You didn’t mess with any of her cubs, least of all my brother. “Now you wait just a minute. My son is  _ plenty  _ capable thank you very much. He’s capable of a lot more than this bullshit society gives him credit for.”

Papa wasn’t used to my mother popping off like that, and the venom that dripped from her words poisoned the otherwise playful atmosphere. “Now, Noa, he didn’t mean anything by that. It’s all in good fun.” Soichiro inched forward to place a hand on my mother’s shoulder, but the cat hissed again, and he recoiled. 

Soichiro flashed another brilliant smile. “Rinoa,”

“Mrs. Leonhart.” She snapped.

Soichiro’s laid back expression waivered a bit, and a familiar darkness crept into his eyes. Panic bubbled in my chest and I reached for my mother’s hand. He was being so sweet. The last thing I needed was for Mom to invite back the side of  Ichi none of us were too fond of. Mostly because I didn’t want it directed at her. My mother was kind. No one was going to treat her poorly on my watch. She’d seen enough abuse during her own childhood. “Mom, I think he was trying to say he was sorry. Isn’t that right, Soichiro?” 

His half-smile showed all his teeth and didn’t meet his eyes at all. “That’s right, ma’am.” 

I didn’t like the tone he took with my mother and I flashed my eyes at him. I stood to kiss my grandfather on the cheek and gestured toward the kitchen. “Let me make you lunch, Papa.” He insisted I didn’t have to, but I wanted to get my boyfriend way from Mom. I wasn’t okay with the way they were interacting, and I knew she’d be more comfortable watching TV with Papa. I grabbed Soichiro by the hand and marched him into the small yellow kitchen. 

“J, don’t be mad at me, baby. Your mother was being--”

“My mother is my mother and you will watch how you speak to her.” I griped, loud enough that Mom could hear me from the living room. She needed to know I would always stick up for her. It didn’t matter who it was. No one disrespected Rinoa Leonhart, it was one of my father’s house rules. 

As the words left my mouth I flinched, anticipating a blow that never came. He’d never hit me, per se, but he had a bad habit of touching me a little hard, especially when I made him  angry. I thought it was his way of expressing that he wanted to be listened to. It was hard sometimes for Soichiro to express himself. He lost his mother so young, and his father remarried almost immediately.  Ichi never forgave any of them, especially not after Kazane was born. 

“Hey, why did you flinch like that? When have I ever hurt you?” He rolled up my sleeve, revealing several fresh finger-print shaped bruises and he leaned forward to very gently press his lips against the soft flesh of my arm. “I don’t ever mean to tug on you so hard. I’m a  SeeD . Sometimes I forget my own strength. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I raised my voice at your mother.” 

He sounded sincere, but I was confused again. He wasn’t the only one who was a  SeeD . I knew  SeeD’s almost exclusively; it was the environment I was raised in. I was a  SeeD , my father was a  SeeD , my aunts and uncles were  SeeD’s . No one else seemed to have an issue transitioning from the battlefield to their interpersonal lives. I wished for him with all my heart, that he hadn’t witnessed Xu’s death with his own eyes. It was clearly troubling him still, and I felt compassion for his situation. “It’s okay, babe. Just help me get something cooking for Papa, please? It’s a hard day for him.” 

“I know it is. I know what it’s like to miss someone.” The words sounded hollow, and there was the faintest twinge of something bitter mixed in his tone. I had clearly struck a nerve, and I decided to change the subject. I had been with him long enough to know that Xu was an unmentionable subject. The sound of her name alone mentally and emotionally incapacitated him. It was sad. 

I supposed I would feel the same way, if I had lost my mother. She and Dad were my entire world. I smiled at him. “Hand me the potatoes, please?” Soichiro seemed to defrost a little, and he offered a small smirk as he fished out the potato peeler and rolled five or so of the vegetables toward me on the counter. 

“I’ll hand them, but I’m not washing them.” 

I scrunched up my nose and stuck my tongue out at him playfully. “No one asked you to, Ichigo.” I poked him in his forehead and he grabbed my fingers, tugging them to his lips and sucking them into his mouth. My body shivered and the  eye contact he made with me was intense. 

“That’s not my name.” He said, releasing my fingers and kissing down the  length of my arm. His touch sent an electricity I’d never felt before surging down my legs and my breath caught in the back of my throat. 

“Maybe not.” I panted. “But it should have been. It’s cute, just like you are.”

A genuine smile graced his lips and his eyebrows rose to wiggle at me. “Cute, am I?” He continued his assault on my arm up to my shoulder, nibbling on the nape of my neck as he purred against me. “If I’m so cute, go on a date with me tomorrow. My treat.”

It was rare that Soichiro was spontaneously romantic, and I giggled as I pushed him away from me. “Peel these potatoes and I’ll  _ consider  _ it.” I flirted, batting my eyelashes at him as he attempted to make a grab for my ass. I slapped his hands away, but he didn’t seem to catch the hint. He pushed me forward until my torso was pressed against the counter and he humped my backside, grinding his crotch against by butt. I grunted and rolled my eyes, continuing to swat at him. “Knock it off, Papa is in the next room.”

“Who gives a fuck who's in the next room.” He whispered into my hair. “I like this game. You smell nice and this feels good. Doesn’t it feel good?” He ground against me again and slid his hands between my thighs. I suppressed a moan and shoved off the counter with my hands, forcing Soichiro off of me as I snapped my fingers and pointed to the potatoes. Sure, of course it felt good, but I wasn’t doing anything of a sexual nature in my grandfather’s house, not with anybody. I had never done anything like that before, and that was entirely by my own design. I wasn’t ready. It was too intimate an action for someone who didn’t have a hundred percent confidence in who and what she  wanted. My mother raised me to believe it was something precious, she had only ever been with my father. 

“Potatoes, now. Or no date.”


	8. Chapter 8

It was the last day of January, that following afternoon when Soichiro and I went on our date to the Seymour Almasy National Chocobo Farm. I was surprised. The farm was run by Sasuke Almasy, who still bore his half-brother’s last name in his honor, after his abrupt passing in 2006. This didn’t strike me as something that would have been up Soichiro’s ally, especially considering his father’s precarious relationship with Seifer Almasy, but I kept my mouth shut. I never saw Uncle Seifer, and I supposed his deteriorating relationship with Raijin Yoshioka was none of my business.

Sasuke and Seymour had been raised in Balamb, but after Aunt Ellone and Seymour both passed away, Sasuke, Seifer, and Vivienne had moved to Timber to be closer to the family. Uncle Seifer didn’t cope well with Aunt Elle’s loss, and he knew he couldn’t raise Vivienne alone. Therefore, the Chocobo Farm was right on the outskirts of Aria North, where the Almasy’s had made their home far enough away from where we lived in the center of town to feel independent.

Uncle Seifer had been out of prison for a good seven years now, having served ten in Balamb for his crimes against Esthar. Marina and Terra Zabac had raised Vivienne themselves in time he’d spent away, and now the entire clan lived at Seymour Almasy National. I was feeling a little hesitant about going. I failed to see how a bunch of yellow birds were going to be romantic, and I was less than enthused about seeing extended family. I had never liked Uncle Seifer. Daddy didn’t like or trust him, and that was good enough reason for me to be weary.

I slapped a happy smile to my face regardless as I walked hand-in-hand with my love down the old dirt road that led to the Almasy’s driveway. It was a good excuse to wear my favorite pink rainboots, and I tromped along to a silly tune stuck in my head. Soichiro seemed to be in a good mood, and he didn’t mind that I whistled absentmindedly as we found our way into the stables. Sasuke had always had a fondness for Chocobos, and I marveled that he seemed to have one of every size and color inside the stables. “Wow…” I whispered breathlessly.

I didn’t take my eyes off the birds, but I could practically hear Soichiro smirk. “I told you you’d like it.” I didn’t pay him much mind, wondering off to pet the small vibrant pink Chocobo that was sitting off to herself to the left of the enclosure. Her feathers were soft and downy, and I grinned at the gentle ‘kweh’ she mewled as I scratched behind where I thought her ears should be. “I know why you like her.” He admitted softly. “But she isn’t technically pink. She’s a red Chocobo, her feathers just came out a little light.”

I didn’t care. She may have been a red Chocobo on a technicality, but her color was pink, and I thought she was beautiful. “Where are Sasuke and Nida?” I asked curiously, obsessed with how silky the bird felt as I continued to love on her. Much to Aunt Quistis’s chagrin, Sasuke had been in a committed relationship with Balamb Garden’s pilot for a while now. She didn’t care for the age difference, but I thought it was cute. Sasuke had had a hard life, and Nida made him happy.

“Who cares?” Soichiro muttered with a shrug. “You’re family, right? You don’t need their permission to ride her, I’m sure.”

Ride her? My eyes went wide. “Oh, could we really? I don’t know…” I wanted to so badly, but it didn’t feel right to take the Chocobos out when no one appeared to be home. I didn’t even see Seifer’s car in the driveway, and he rarely ever left. It was kind of bizarre, large family as they had, that not a single soul seemed to be around. The Chocobo kweh’ed again and three little babies trotted out from behind her. “Ichi, look.”

The littlest baby waddled between her mother’s legs and gently reached her beak up to latch on to her mother’s nipple. A little-known fact about Chocobos was, despite being an egg laying animal, they were technically mammals and did produce milk. The remaining two Chicobo’s cried and fought for their own spot beneath their mother. Something primal deep inside of me tugged loose and my eyes misted over. I wanted to be a mother. That bond, the one that I shared with my own mother, as well as the one those Chicobos seemed to share with theirs, it was something unbreakable.

It was a fleeting thought, and Soichiro was getting impatient with me. He cleared his throat hard and jammed his fists impatiently into his pants pockets. “Well? Are you going to get on her, or not?”

“Oh, I couldn’t. Her babies are eating.” I plopped down in the hay and crossed my legs, watching in awe as the little ones guzzled down their breakfast. It was beautiful, and I could have watched that little family of birds for an eternity, had a frustrated boy not demanded my attention. He plopped down beside me with a huff and reached to firmly grasp my chin.

“You’re ruining it, you know. We were supposed to ride the Chocobo into the woods for a romantic surprise.”

I knit my brow, tearing my gaze reluctantly from the animals to look at him. I could hear the babies suckling, and I wanted to keep watching them so badly. I didn’t understand Soichiro sometimes. People were supposed to have a good time on dates, right? I was having a good time for the moment. Why couldn’t he just enjoy that? “What could be so romantic out in the woods?”

Soichiro rolled his eyes. “Heh. You really are innocent, aren’t you, J?” His grip on my chin tightened and he forced my face against his own as he crammed his tongue into my mouth. I was surprised and I tried to wiggle away from him, but he was stronger than me. He dropped my face and pinned my arms down as he pushed me onto my back. I grunted and his hair spilled into my eyes as he hovered over me. “I guess the stables could be as romantic as the woods, huh? Maybe you like the thrill that someone might come home and see.”

For the first time since I’d been with him, pure fear ran down the backs of my legs. I didn’t like the feeling of being trapped and I pressed my lips into a hard scowl. I had learned from my father, and he didn’t want to press his luck with me. “Get off me.” I barked. I was afraid we would have a repeat of the kitchen, but to my astonishment he did as I asked. His face was pinched as he shoved me back and scrambled to his feet.

“Fine. You don’t want to make love to me, you’ve made that abundantly clear. You know, for one second, I actually thought someone cared about me. No one ever has, and no one ever will. Thanks for clearing that up for me, Julia.” He spat, storming off toward the stable’s giant wooden gates.

Guilt immediately tore at my insides and the thought of him leaving me made my throat swell with panic. The last thing I had wanted was to make Soichiro feel unloved. I guessed I was being frustrating, wasn’t I? He was trying to love on me, and I had given him no explanation as to why I was pushing him away. If I loved him, I was expected to show him so. Right? “W-Wait, no, I’m sorry.” A pit of disgust settled into my stomach at the thought of offering myself the way I was, but for him, I was willing to do it anyway. _Just don’t leave me._ I thought to myself. _Don’t go._ I spread my legs and screwed my eyes closed. “I’m just…I’ve never done it before. So be gentle.”

My heart was screaming in my ears as I heard his boots crunch atop the hay, and the very next thing I felt was a hand pressed against my sex. “Hey, it’s okay. You could have just said you were nervous. Let me make you feel good.” He rubbed his palm up and down the crotch of my shorts and I shuddered as heat quickly pooled in my groin. I still wasn’t sure about this. It didn’t feel right.

Earlier that morning, his step-mother had greeted me at the door. Her swollen belly was huge at nine months pregnant, and I had knelt to kiss and love on little Mizuki from inside her mother. My whole family loved Felicia. She had been my mother’s closest confidant and most trusted employee for years, and she protected Timber with every fiber of her being. She was strong, and beautiful, and kind. I considered her family. Mizuki kicked me and Felicia laughed as he caressed the side of her tummy. “I think she likes you, Jules. You know, Raijin and I can’t wait until it’s official.”

I beamed at her. “Oh, I’m sure. I’ve always wanted a baby girl of my own. I’m sure you’re more than ready for her to officially be here.” When I was little I had wanted a sister, and Yuna-Rose came when I was seventeen years old. But in the present? My heart yearned for a little more than that, though I hadn’t thought too hard about it yet. I was still young. It was more whimsical fantasy than an actual goal at that point in my life.

Felicia laughed. “No, you silly thing. We can’t wait until you’re an official part of our family. I just know you’re going to be my daughter-in-law one day. That’s so special to me. I’ve been looking out for you since you were tiny.” I didn’t know how to feel about that admission, much in the same way that I didn’t know how to feel about what was happening to my body. Felicia seemed so sure that I was meant for her son…but if that were true, why did being with him in that moment feel so incredibly wrong?

My body was reacting the way anyone would have expected. A wetness was seeping through my shorts and I was twitching with pleasure, but I wanted him to stop. It wasn’t happening like this. Sex was supposed to be special, especially the first time. I was uncomfortable and I _needed_ him to respect that. I squirmed away from him, and I had never been so thankful to have my phone ring in my entire life. “H-Hello?”

It was Lissa on the other line. “Is that…you and Soichiro I see at the farm? What the hell are you guys doing? I don’t see Seifer’s car.” Soichiro recoiled from me and I looked to see my aunts car barreling down the beaten path.

“Watch your language.” I snapped into the receiver. “And don’t talk and drive with my sister in the car.” I hung up, grimacing deeply as I watched my kid sister’s little head bob violently in the passenger seat of the teenager’s car. Lissa may have been my father’s sister, but she was younger than me, and I could already tell she didn’t have Rosie buckled in correctly.

Lissa’s dark brown curls bounced as she hopped from her beat up old Volkswagen and she narrowed her blue eyes at the two of us. “You’re just like your father.” She accused. “All bark and no bite.” She walked around to the other side of the car to let my sister out, and the five-year-old ran to me as fast as her little legs would carry.

“Sissy! Sissy, we came to get Papa some miwk!” Yuna-Rose hadn’t fully grasped her L’s yet, and sometimes it made it difficult to completely understand her. I ran my fingers through her long brunette hair to detangle a few knots. Lissa had apparently neglected to run a brush through it and I sighed.

“What baby?”

Rosie laughed and attempted to chew on her fingers. I pulled them from her mouth and she let out another soft giggle. “Miwk, Sissy. Papa needed miwk to dwink, from the Chocobo!”


	9. Chapter 9

Yuna-Rose explained to me very seriously that our Papa is lactose intolerant and could only drink Chocobo milk. I had loved our Papa a lot longer than she, and I’d never heard any such story. I was ninety percent sure he’d sent them on a wild goose chase, but Papa was like that sometimes. He was a funny guy. Yuna-Rose might not have known better, but Lissa? I had my suspicions that she’d played along for the sheer amusement of it. The rogue pair had successfully ruined our date, but I wasn’t the least bit upset about it. I had decided that if Soichiro and I were going to make love, I had to prepare myself for what that meant. 

I spent the rest of the evening shaving everything I had from the waist down and making sure my skin was smooth and exfoliated. I plucked my eyebrows, stole my mother’s favorite bra, and a slew of other ridiculous rituals I had convinced myself would make me “ready”. The block I was experiencing was mental, but no one could have convinced me of that. No, surely all I needed was a little beautification. Tomorrow I would go back to Garden all nice and pretty, and then I’d go home with him, and this would all be over quickly. That was the plan.

Plans rarely ever go the way they’re meant. I woke that morning before anyone else and I made sure the contents of my duffle bag were all ready to go. I had the sheer white dress Mom had worn to Dad’s SeeD graduation packed, along with my favorite perfume and some emergency nail polish, for chips. Mom had a sentimental attachment to that dress, though she had stopped fitting in it long before I was born, and she kept it in a memory box at the foot of my parents’ bed. I knew it was special. It was the start of our whole lives. I _had_ to have that kind of confidence that night. I needed a piece of my mother with me. I would bring it back before she ever noticed it was gone. Again, that was the plan.

I threw one of Soichiro’s band hoodies over my Garden uniform and walked down Timber’s cobbled streets in the blustering February air. My excitement was already waning. He had been really aggressive with me the day before, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I had done. I knew he was frustrated. In the words of one of my favorite films “No one was going to put up with a girlfriend who was sexually anorexic.” I frowned. Why was he even dating me? It was no wonder we had broken up so many times. Especially, I thought, as I swiped my badge to enter the Garden, because I’d been picturing Tatsuki while Soichiro was touching me.

There wasn’t a single inch of me that wasn’t riddled with shame. By Timberian standards, Soichiro was the picture of the ideal mate. He was tall, muscular, he had beautiful hair. All the other girls at Garden were jealous of what I had, and I didn’t even want him. That realization cut through me deeply and I started to hyperventilate as I power walked to the library, where most of my off-contract work occurred. I don’t want him. Do I even love him? Why couldn’t I get Tatsuki out of my head? “Get over yourself, Julia.” I hissed under my breath. “Tatsuki doesn’t want you. You should feel lucky to have what you have.”

I punched the bookshelf in front of me so hard the wood splintered and several SeeD manuals and textbooks alike catapulted and clattered into a heap on the floor. I didn’t care. I could lose a rank or two and I’d still be a higher ranking official than most the SeeD’s I graduated with. The white-hot self-loathing nestled in my stomach loosened a little and I knelt to clean my mess when a pair of hands were suddenly up my skirt. Instinct jolted into hyperdrive and I turned to roundhouse kick my assailant in the throat. The man caught my ankle in his large hands and twisted it and I grunted as I jerked it from his iron grasp and jammed it upward to make contact with their jaw.

There was a loud crunch, and I was satisfied with myself…until I realized who I’d injured. “Ichi?! What the hell?” I could already feel my ankle swelling, but he looked worse. I had completely dislocated his jaw. The side of his face was turning purple and I backed up against the shelf to avoid being hit as he stalked toward me. I had technically swung first, but that didn’t mean I was ready to get my lights decked out for it. The growl that erupted from his chest was low and menacing, and I scrambled to think of something to say. “I-I’m sorry…what are you even doing here this early?!”

“I should be asking you both that question.” Soichiro stopped dead in his tracks as my father’s voice floated from over his shoulder and relief flooded my body. There was no way Soichiro could stay at angry with me when my dad was in the room. He was the Headmaster, he was automatic immunity to injury as far as most of the Garden was concerned. It was usually annoying, because other cadets had been fearful to hit me in sparring matches growing up…but for the moment, I was considering it a blessing.

“Daddy!”

My voice shook with slight terror and Soichiro snarled at me. “Daddy.” He mocked viscously. “You’re going to wish—”

“She’s going to wish what? I’d be careful how you finish that sentence, Cadet.” Soichiro’s furious outburst might have chilled me to my core, but it was nothing compared to the unbridled rage simmering in my father’s voice as he yanked my boyfriend away from me by the slope of his collar.

“I’m a SeeD.” Soichiro barked.

“You won’t be for much longer if you keep it up.” Dad’s face was beet red and I could see the vein in his forehead popping. He had well surpassed upset, he was the kind of feral that got our enemies killed. My father did not play games when it came to any of his students, but me? I was more than that. It wouldn’t have been the first time he took a life over me, nor would it have been the last. This was all a misunderstanding, and the look I shot him was pleading.

“This is my fault. I came in early to get a head start and he spooked me, that’s all. I attacked him first.” None of that was a lie, but I tucked my throbbing ankle behind my other leg. There was a possibility it was fractured, and I knew it was turning black based on the way it felt alone.

“You aren’t supposed to be here at all.” Dad shot back stiltedly. “You know that. Go on home, Julie. I’ll take care of this.” I wasn’t a child. Dad had said so himself, and my face heated slightly. I felt that I had the right to work if and when I wanted to work. The Garden was a second home to me. I loved being a SeeD.

I wasn’t given the opportunity to say so. Soichiro wrestled from my father’s grasp and shoved him back with all his strength, but my father had been a mercenary for longer than we had been alive, and he didn’t budge. “How about you quit telling her what to do.” He snarled. “You don’t own her, Squall.”

Dad exploded and he slammed Soichiro up against the wall so hard the shelf I had assaulted earlier came crashing to the ground. My heart leapt into my throat, but I was still as a statue. I couldn’t move, I was glued to the floor by my own twisted sense of guilt. This was my fault. All of it. “Daddy, no! Stop it!”

It was as if he couldn’t hear me. His blue-grey eyes were glassy, and his arm was pressed so hard against Soichiro’s throat that the boy was turning purple. “Neither do you. I don’t want you seeing my little girl anymore do you understand me? Ever.”

Even as Dad choked the life from his face, Soichiro’s mouth twisted into a sickening grin. “I’m her s-soulmate. You can’t stop f-fate.”

My father belted out a humorless laugh before drawing the Cutting Trigger. “Fate would have my daughter with Tatsuki, you delusional piece of shit.” He reared the gunblade back as if he were going to run him through, stabbing it deep into the plaster of the library’s back wall. The attack narrowly missed Soichiro’s head and I tugged on Dad’s arms as hard as I was physically able. A swirl of panic and raw anger wrenched my chest and peels of frantic tears seemed to be the only thing that got my father’s attention. He finally let Ichi’s body drop and he turned on his heel to glance back at me. I sincerely wished he hadn’t. Dad looked like his heart had been torn from his chest and he stared blankly at the swelling in my foot, unable to make eye contact with me. “Bean,” His voice sounded strangled and I flinched. “You go home right now, please.”

A whirlwind of emotion was rattling around in my mind and I couldn’t make heads or tails of who was in the right. My father was Ichi’s boss…so surely it wasn’t him, right? This was abuse of his position. If Raijin or Felicia found out about this and it spread to the board? We could lose our Garden. As much as I wanted to choke Soichiro in that moment, I couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t breathe a word of this. I knew Dad was right. Tatsuki was my other half. I understood that now. But Garden was my father’s pride and joy. He wasn’t about to lose it over me. “I choose him, Daddy. I want you to know that.”

I turned and bolted, unable to bear the expression on Dad’s face. I mechanically pulled my phone from my pocket and sent a text to Autumn. _Hey, tell your brother when he gets home to be expecting me tonight. Tell him to…bring condoms. And that I’m really sorry for what happened today._

There was a response almost instantly. _Oh, fancy, someone is finally giving it up. What are you sorry about?_

I bit my lip hard, willing the tears away as I ducked through the halls with my head down. Staff would be pouring in at any moment, and I didn’t need people asking questions. _Don’t worry about it. And please ask him to keep anything that happened today to himself. I’ll more than make it up to him._ I was disgusted with myself as I sent that final message, but I didn’t see any other choice. He had treated me poorly that day, and I saw that, I did. I was hurt. But not hurt enough to ruin my friendship with the man I truly loved, or my father’s reputation. I had been with Soichiro a long time. I knew how to handle him. Everything was going to be okay. I gripped my dufflebag hard and prayed to Yevon with all that I had that tonight would get here quickly. I didn’t want to sit at home and wait for Dad to come and have an awkward conversation with me. I didn’t want to wait him out, impatiently stalking the clock until he decided to go to bed. I wanted to get this over with.

I unzipped the bag just a hair, sticking my hand inside and rubbing the soft fabric of Mom’s dress between my fingers. _Please, Momma. Be with me tonight. Give me the strength to love him the way you love Daddy. He’ll show it back to me after this. That’s…that’s all I’ve ever wanted._


	10. Chapter 10

***TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE***

Daddy was really mad, but I knew it wasn’t directed at me. He was angry with the situation. When he got off  work he came straight home and put my ankle on ice. He cooked me dinner, and gave me some half-assed speech about how I was  _ not  _ going to see someone who treated me that way under his roof. He spent the rest of the night drinking his feelings away in the living room, while my mother tried to coax him back out of his shell. Mom was the only person in the entire world that could reach him when he was like that—and yet he’d merely kiss her hand and say “Later, baby.”  _ That  _ was how I knew I had truly and thoroughly broken his heart. He couldn’t understand why I had let someone treat me the way Soichiro did. 

I wished I had the words to explain to him...that I didn’t understand why, too. There was a part of me, the part that had a deep passionate need to be a good daughter to the father who had given me the very shirt off his back at eighteen years old, that wanted to stay inside and keep to my word. No more Soichiro, no more pain, no more confusion. I wanted to be rid of these awful feelings. I wanted to be Julia Raine again. Yet, as my phone buzzed for the fourth time that evening, I knew there was no going back. I had made my bed. Now I had to lay in it. 

_ Are you coming over or not? I won’t wait forever, J. You sure seem to mean that apology. Maybe your mother would prefer a dicking instead. I bet a woman at her age would be  _ grateful  _ for the offer.  _ My stomach lurched and bile crept up the back of my throat. I knew he said that to hurt me, he wasn’t being serious, but the thought soured my stomach all the same. I wanted to snap at him, but I didn’t want to make this harder on myself than it already was. I was trying to mend our relationship, not shatter it further.  _ I’m on my way.  _

I walked downstairs to kiss my Mom and Dad goodnight and I locked my bedroom door behind me as I tugged mom’s old dress on. I had planned to wear champagne heels with the outfit, but that had been ruined by the lame ankle, and I sighed as I slid into an old pair of ballet flats. This would have to do. I slapped a sickly-sweet smile to my face and took a picture of myself in my floor length bedroom mirror. If nothing else, I wanted to remember getting to look like my Mom. I had a picture of them that someone had taken at the  SeeD ball, that first chance meeting. It was pinned just above the mirror with a few other keepsakes. Mom was sticking her tongue out at someone, while Dad was pressed against her looking bewildered. It was my favorite picture of them, save for their wedding photos. 

I pressed a small kiss to the picture, and admired how the dress fit me just as perfectly as it once had her. “We’re going to be like you. I promise.” I whispered tearfully. “He’s going to see me in your dress and he’s  gonna love me, Momma. Just wait.” It was more a prayer than a statement, and I took a deep breath as I pulled Soichiro’s hoodie back on over my clothes. It was too cold to venture down the street in such a short, almost see-through gown. 

I was trembling by the time I made it several blocks down the road, but it wasn’t just from the cold. This was it. I was about to lose my virginity. I should have felt happiness, or at least a little nervous excitement, but the only thing to blossom within my chest was the bitter sting of jealousy. Jealousy that other girls got to spend their first time with the man they loved, while the other half of my heart slept soundly right down the street. I bit my lip as I knocked on the door, and tears pricked my eyes as I tugged the dark hoodie back off over my head.  _ I’m so sorry, Tatsuki.  _

The door opened slowly, and the smile that rested on Soichiro’s was smugger than ever. His cold black eyes trailed up and down my body and he gestured grandly within the house as he stepped aside. “Welcome home, baby. Go undress upstairs. I’ll meet you there. I have a surprise for you.” I frowned. The last time he had wanted to surprise me we’d had a miserable time at the  Chocobo farm, but I did as he asked. “You look so beautiful.” He called up the stairs after me. 

I actually had to smile at that. He sounded like he meant it and heat pricked my cheeks.  _ I knew it. I knew Mom’s dress was lucky.  _ It had to have been, I thought as my heart skipped a beat. She had somehow met and fell in love with the most amazing man in the world. They didn’t make men like my Daddy anymore. But maybe, I prayed, just maybe, I could turn Soichiro into a Squall of my own. For a moment, I really thought he might be changing. His bedroom was littered in rose petals, which he’d fashioned into a heart in the center of his bed. 

Roses were my favorite flower. My parents had let the gender of my sister be a surprise up until the moment of her birth, and that had left them without any name ideas by the time they finally got to hold her for the first time. It had been a grueling ordeal with her making a surprise arrival very quickly on my own birthday. Tatsuki and his mother had brought Mom flowers while she was in the hospital, a type of hibiscus known in Timber as the Yuna flower. They only grew at the edges of Obel, near the water, and the gesture touched my mother deeply. Dad had the idea of combining the name with the only flower I requested of him every year on Valentine's Day. Thus, Yuna-Rose. 

I smiled at the memory and flopped almost happily onto the soft white comforter. He remembered. Maybe the night wouldn’t go as poorly as I’d anticipated after all. He had asked me to undress, but I didn’t want to. Not yet. I was scared, and I didn’t really want to be exposed when he walked into the room. It didn’t take him long to climb up the stairs after me, but to my surprise, he reappeared empty handed and I raised an eyebrow at him.

“I know, I promised a surprise.” He said gently. “The surprise is, I asked Autumn to go get us some snacks. I didn’t want you to be too nervous to fully enjoy yourself. No one will hear us.” 

That actually  _ was  _ a relief. I didn’t have much of an understanding of love making outside of smutty harlequin novels, and I wasn’t entirely convinced I wasn’t going to make awkward noises. My body tensed as he sat down and he very tenderly reached to caress my face with the back of his hand. “You look amazing in this dress, truly. I could just devour you.” His voice was husky and deep and I wiggled in mild anticipation as his hands slid between my thighs. “We should keep it on.” 

That I wasn’t sure about. It was Mom’s, not mine. What if he accidentally came on it? I opened my mouth to protest but he shushed me, pushing the skirt of the dress up to my hips and purring in absolute abandon. His eyes were wide as saucers and he chuckled at my boldness. I wasn’t wearing panties. He saw it as some sort of wild, romantic gesture, but it wasn’t really. I was afraid I might...bleed, my first time, and I didn’t want to ruin any of my underwear. He didn’t waste any time dipping two fingers inside of me and at first, that was really nice. “Mmm.”

Soichiro’s pointer and middle fingers were delicately pumping between my folds while his thumb massaged at my clitoris. His lips found their way to my neck and he suckled at the soft flesh for a few moments as his fingers became slick with my fluid. I was a little embarrassed by how quickly I was aroused. My body felt  _ really  _ good, and I rocked into his touch as my eyes fluttered closed. He was being so gentle with me, that I hardly believed he was the same person who had nearly broken my ankle just a few hours earlier. He pawed at my breasts and a hot sensation rolled down my body in waves. I could have opened my eyes but...I didn’t want to. 

I knew who was touching me, somewhere in my mind. Yet, something selfish deep inside of me wanted something more. Deep black bangs hung over hooded, lust blown eyes, eyes that belonged to Tatsuki.  _ My  _ Tatsuki. I could see his lithe body on top of my own, smaller than Soichiro, but perfect to me. Lean, golden brown, beautiful. I pictured how he’d blush as the thrusting between my legs quickened and I had to swallow the name on my lips. “Ta--”

The moan died before it ever became a name, but the fatal mistake didn’t go unnoticed. “Oh, I really wish you hadn’t done that.” My brain barely registered the words as he jerked his fingers from my cavern and I heard a drawer roll open. Soichiro’s fingers curled into my long hair and suddenly tugged so hard a fistful broke free from the root. I screamed and my eyes shot open as he pushed the entire length of his penis inside of me without warning. 

“O-Ow!” I felt something tear within my body, and I clamored to push him off me to no avail. What he’d pulled from the drawer had  _ not  _ been a condom. Soichiro jammed the serrated edge of a knife against my throat and pinned me where I lay. He pulled all the way out and slammed into me again, staring straight into my eyes as another throaty scream spilled from my lips. “P-Please stop, you’re hurting me!”

I could feel a hot liquid squelch out of me, and the copper smell hit my nose almost instantly. Soichiro’s long onyx hair draped his face in a sinister way as he hung over me and I whimpered as I screwed my eyes closed yet again. I could feel his hair tickle my arms as he titled his head to the side and thrust deep inside of me a third time. “I’m hurting  _ you? _ Well isn’t that ironic. You’ve been hurting me for years.”

W-What? I didn’t understand. Slippery and sticky wet fingers found their way around my throat and I felt him press the cold sheen of the knife against my sex.  _ Please don’t be bleeding.  _ I prayed.  _ P-Please don’t ruin Momma’s dress.  _ I couldn’t speak a word, I didn’t dare, and Soichiro growled as he pressed the length of himself inside me so deep it felt like he was going to rip me in half. My whole lower half screamed in agony and I was powerless to do anything but sob as he continued to speak. “If you love that fatherless bastard so much, why don’t I leave him with a little message?” His hand pressed against my throat harder and I struggled to breathe as I choked on the terror rising in my throat.  _ H-He's cutting me!  _

I burned everywhere as I felt him carve what felt like his initials into the sensitive skin of my vulva. Now I knew I was bleeding, and the skin around the wound pulsed as the thick liquid oozed out onto the skirt of my mother’s gown. I had never hated myself more in my entire life than I did in that moment. I didn’t deserve to be Rinoa Leonhart’s daughter. I didn’t deserve to even be alive. 

He continued to pound into me, but the fragile state of my mind couldn’t take anymore. I felt myself dissociate and my thoughts floated to a happier time. I recounted all the times my sweet grandfather had ever held me in his arms, and teased my dad about how he’d once been my Knight. What I wouldn’t have given for my Knight in silly button downs with the crinkly green eyes. What I wouldn’t have given to hold his withered old hands just once more time. I was going to die. I could feel it. It didn’t take him long to empty himself inside of me, and I sucked in a deep breath as best I could through the snot running down my face. 

I creaked an eye open as I felt him slide out of me, hoping that was the end. My punishment was over...but of course it wasn’t. Soichiro couldn’t leave me like this, I was the president's daughter. He had to finish the job. “You look just like your mother...you selfish whore.” There was more to that sentence, garbled by the anger that shook his voice, but I couldn’t make it out as I made a week attempt to make a run for it. I struggled to my feet, and he jammed the handle of the knife hard as he could against the side of my skull. I crumpled into a heap on the dirty carpet and he forced my legs open. I would never forget the satisfied smile on his face as he reared back to shove the knife inside of me, nor the grateful feeling that flooded me as I heard the door slam downstairs. Autumn had returned home from the store. 

“Goddamn it.” He growled, lashing out one final time and taking a chunk of my labia with him. I shrieked into my mouth, wailing in a bloody ball as I continued to profusely ruin the first milestone of my mother and father’s love story. I watched as my boyfriend mechanically pulled himself from me and tucked his penis back into his trousers as if nothing had even happened. He walked back down the stairs as his twin ambled up them and toward the sound of my cries. 

Autumn’s large brown eyes were pitiful, but she said nothing as she quietly threw a towel over my body and knelt to wash the pool of blood from the carpet. I desperately reached out for her hands and she offered only the solace of gripping my fingers as she dutifully scrubbed away the very life that was seeping from my broken and used body. “Please go to the bathroom, J.” She whispered. “I’ll take care of the rest.” 


	11. Chapter 11

I lost consciousness somewhere between Autumn calling the police and a pair of strong, familiar arms carrying me into an ambulance. For the longest time I was lost, deep in a swirl of terrible nightmares. Nightmares where someone I loved betrayed me. Nightmares where all I could see in the darkness was a haunting pair of smiling brown eyes. I wanted my Dad. I didn’t know where I was, I couldn’t see, and every inch of my lower half was on fire. I screamed for him in that tar-like void, but no sound ever came from my lips. There was nothing but those evil, violent eyes staring back at me, beckoning that I come back for another round of abuse.

Dad? Mom? Tatsuki? I needed to be away from that gaze. I needed to be with someone who loved me. I could feel the sensation of my blood thumping tirelessly against my veins and the beat of my heart echoed throughout the dark crater of my mind. The eyes seemed to float closer and I fought with all I had to scream once more. _Magic,_ I thought gloomily to myself. _Why didn’t you defend yourself with magic?_ I tried with all my might to cast Holy in the vast expanse of nothingness, but not even a fizzle of power would flicker to my fingertips.

Menacing and disjointed laughter exploded from the disembodied eyes and Soichiro’s voice seemed to surround me on all sides, closing in. “You look just like your mother…you selfish whore.” He chanted it, over and over again, and I felt myself collapse as I struggled to shut it all out. _No, no more. Please, no more._ Whore, whore, whore, whore, it was all I could hear. The word echoed from every nook and cranny in the deepest recesses of my mind, and it was only getting louder. Whore, WhoRE, WHORE!!!!

“STOP!” My body bolted upright as the flicker of overhead hospital florescence welcomed me back to consciousness. I couldn’t move, and I quickly realized that I was strapped to a Gurnee. My vision was fading in and out, but I wanted to move and I struggled against the restraints holding me in place. I could hear Daddy’s low, urgent voice, but I couldn’t see him and soft hands were suddenly petting my hair and face.

“B-Baby…Julia…” The sob that croaked from my bedside…if you could call it that…was my mother’s. I squinted in an attempt to see her face, but my vision was nothing but a blur of color. I could make out her shape, and I desperately wanted to reach for her. It was okay in the end, that I couldn’t. Mom more than made up for it as she peppered my face with kisses. I could hear her crying, and it shattered my entire heart. Momma’s tears were the worst sound in the world. I hated it when she was sad.

“M-Mommy…” My throat was parched, and I was disoriented. My speech came out slurred and I could hear the sharp intake of breath she took as another wave of sobs wrecked her body. I wanted to comfort her, but I was distracted as I continued to hear my father’s voice. He sounded close, but far away, and I wanted him on the other side of me as I struggled to grasp my mother’s hand. ‘I’m deploying SeeD’s to every corner of our border and I want police to do a sweep of every house in Aria North, is that clear? Country wide shut down, effective the minute I pull my boot from your lazy ass.’ Yeah, that was definitely my father. Where was he? “Mom…my…D-D-Daddy…”

Mom shushed me softly and brushed my hair back from my face as tenderly as she could, as if her very touch might break me in two. “Daddy is here. He’s talking with the police, baby. Everything is going to be okay.” I was thankful that he was nearby, but in the same breath I didn’t want him to see me like this. I was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that I was still in my mother’s dress, and fear crept down my spine. How was she not mad? Why wasn’t she yelling at me? It was what I deserved. I could hear the detective tell my father that he was overreacting, that they had to hear Mr. Yoshioka’s side of events before they did anything drastic. The very next sound was a body slamming against asphalt. I knew he’d decked him. If they were right outside…was I still in the lobby? How long had I been unconscious? The fabric of Mom’s dress scratched against my skin as I wiggled anxiously on the hard surface of the Gurnee, and panic seized my entire body.

“I’m so s-sorry.” I croaked. “I ruined it. Y-Your dress…the d-dress…” Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I couldn’t even feel the rise and fall of my own chest as I wept. I was almost completely numb. I could hear Momma begging me not to say that, that it was just a silly old dress, but I didn’t believe her. How could she say it was just a dress? She had held onto it for the last twenty-three years, tucked away with what she had left of her mother’s belongings and Dad’s original Balamb Garden uniform. It was with her wedding dress. It was with my baby blanket. Everything in that chest meant the absolute world to my mother, and I had tainted it. “N-No! Your dress…M-Mommy, I’m—” I couldn’t stop. The thought of my mother hating me, of her treating me with the same disdain and anger as Soichiro…it was too much. I strangled on my own sobs and all of a sudden, it was all I could do to take air in.

_No._ I prayed. _Not now!_ I didn’t get to decide, however, when my body wanted to have an asthma attack. I hadn’t had one in over a year, but anxiety would bring it on in a pinch if I wasn’t careful. “D-D-Da—” I couldn’t even ask for my father as my lungs rattled with a terrifying wheeze. The fire that had engulfed my lower half seemed to shoot up into my chest, and I jerked my arms as hard as I could against the straps that bound me in place. “D-” I coughed violently. “D-AD!”

I could hear my father bolt from where he’d stood at the hospitals entrance, but my vision went completely black once more. My mother was screaming, and my father said my name more times than I could count, but before long, even noise completely drained from me. It was okay. I was ready to die, and I knew they could carry on without me. They had Noctis and they had Yuna-Rose. They didn’t need me. I was, however, a little worried about Tatsuki as I floated in that space in-between. He was an only child, it was just him as his mom for as long as either of us had remembered. He was going to miss me.

_I’m sorry, Tatsuki. I want you to know that I loved you. I regret every moment that I wasn’t with you. I was such a fool._ I guessed it didn’t matter in the end, whether or not Tatsuki had felt the same for me as I had for him. Even if I lived, I was damaged goods now, and it was no one’s fault but my own. I was a SeeD. I was a Sorceress. There was no excuse to why I didn’t fight back. I loved the man that was hurting me, or thought that I could grow to. I hadn’t wanted to hurt him back. But why? Why spare someone who clearly never loved me at all? I didn’t have an answer for that.

I felt like I slept for an eternity, and I wondered why I wouldn’t just die already. I had people living with Yevon that I was ready to see. Grandma’s Julia and Raine were up there waiting for me. Seymour, Ventus, and Aunt Ellone were up there. Aunt Snow might have been up there, if she wasn’t in Hell with Uncle Axel and Mom’s father. I pondered about that idly for a while, before the dull beeping of medical equipment rang in my ears. _Well, shit._ I had kind of been hoping it was all over, but it seemed fate had a different plan for me than I had for myself.

When my eyes fluttered open, I was pleased that I could actually see. My vision was much sharper than it had been before, and I appeared to be in an actual hospital room this time. I was no longer tethered down, but resting against the soft plush of generic white pillows. It was dim in the room, but I could see both of my parents seated at my bedside, fast asleep. Dad looked uncomfortable, with his neck craned unnaturally to the side and his fingers squeezed into a tight fist around one of my hands. Mom was clutching the dress I’d apparently been cut out of, and I frowned as I looked down at my crisp new hospital gown.

I wondered how long I had been asleep, but I didn’t want to wake my parents. They looked exhausted, and I knew it was my fault. They ran our country; my parents didn’t need any extra stress than they already had on a day to day basis. Dad’s hair was disheveled and matted to his face, and there were thick purple bags under his eyes. It donned on me that I must have been out for a lot longer than I’d initially imagined. Mom’s eyes were swollen shut and red. Her usually silky strands of black hair were in tangles. There were already get-well-soon cards on the windowsill, and I could see a few of Rosie’s belongings piled into a corner of the room.

_Too much to hope it was all a bad dream, huh?_ I mused, taking a deep breath before I pulled the sheets back delicately with my free hand. The air conditioning was cold on my legs and I shivered as I rolled the itchy gown up just enough to check the damage. I had to know. My vagina was completely wrapped in gauze, and I could tell that I had stitches. There was a catheter running out of me into a small bag wired to a pole off to the side of the bed’s railing. _Fuck, this is real. This is too real._ I didn’t want to have another asthma attack, but I couldn’t stop the small cry that pierced the deathly quiet room.

It was barely a squeak, but my parents both jerked awake like a bomb had gone off. I quickly covered myself back up with the sheet before Daddy took my face in his hands. “Julie. My Julia, look at me. Are you okay?” His voice was trembling, and I rested my own hands on top of his as I nuzzled into his touch.

“Please don’t be angry with me.” I whispered. “I’m s-so sorry, I should have never disobeyed—”

Dad didn’t let me finish. He was on his feet and burrowing my body into his embrace before I could apologize any further. “Don’t you dare, baby. I am not mad at you. I l-love you so much, and you will not apologize to me for what that bastard did to you. O-Okay?” I could hear my father’s stoic exterior shattering with both despair and rage as he held me tighter. “Thank you so much for being alive.” His voice cracked and he was trembling. He threaded his fingers in my hair and rocked me as I finally allowed myself to weave my arms around his neck. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe Dad wouldn’t have been okay without me. I dug my fingernails into his leather jacket as I whimpered out a weep against the warmth of his shoulder. All my life he had made me feel so safe tucked away in his arms, and now was no exception.

“I love y-you too, Daddy.”


	12. Chapter 12

I could feel just from being in his embrace that my father wasn’t angry with me. I was relieved, but the wound my actions had left on his heart weighed on my chest. I hadn’t asked for my boyfriend…for my _ex-_ boyfriend…to hurt me, but I had snuck out of the house all the same. My father hadn’t ever set a lot of rules for me, he trusted me, and I’d gone behind his back. I had gotten what I deserved. It was almost as if he could see it in my expression, and Dad gripped my shoulders as he looked me in the eyes. “I know what you’re thinking. None of this is your fault. This was…this was going to happen whether you stayed at home that night or not. Not because of anything you did, but because S—” He swallowed hard, unable to utter his name. “But because _that kid_ is an evil son of a bitch.”

That was strange to hear Dad say. We had always learned at Garden that there was no good and evil, that morality was greyer than that. There was us and the enemy, on opposite ends of circumstance. I blinked at him. “But…didn’t you help write the portion of the SeeD manual that states—”

“That was before I had you.” He admitted softly. “Before you made me a father. I was sent this…beautiful five-pound angel who’d never done wrong a day in her short life. If something existed that was that pure, then there has to be something out there that is the opposite, wouldn’t you think?”

I hadn’t thought about it like that. Of course, I didn’t have any children of my own, but it brought to mind Rosie’s birth. She had been so small, and she came when I was almost an adult. Her little soul was mischievous, but it was also happy and kind. Soichiro hadn’t been that way as a child. I remembered. He had always been a blank slate, like he struggled to convey emotion. He had been as forceful and cruel at five years old as he was now, and no amount of my affection had changed that. “I want it amended, then.”

I expected a little push back, but Dad’s face was still twisted with grief. He nodded slowly and cleared his throat. “I’ll do it. I’ll do anything you need. I will _never_ let this happen to you again.” He couldn’t do it anymore. I watched my father crumble in front of me, bursting into a harsh sob as he brought his hands to his face. I squeezed him a little tighter and rested my head against the swell of his chest. I didn’t want him to be sad over me.

“Please don’t cry, Daddy. Please. I love you.” I begged. I rubbed his back and my gaze floated to my mother, who was being uncharacteristically quiet. Her whole face was devoid of light, her eyes dull and full of pain. I had never seen that expression on my mother’s face before. It confirmed what I thought I knew to be true. She was angry that I had ruined everything. “Mom…do you hate me?” My voice was small, and I felt Dad flinch around the question. He was shocked that I’d ask such a thing.

I instantly wished I hadn’t. The pain I saw in those sweet downturned eyes exploded, and she was completely raw with sorrow when she looked at me. It didn’t age her. My mother was turning forty in March, and yet those big wet eyes looked like that of a child as her rosebud lips quivered violently. “You are everything to m-me.” Her voice caught in her throat and she gripped my father’s hand as hard as she could. It was then that I noticed her fingernails were completely broken off and bleeding. “H-How could you ever think—is it something I did?”

I blanched, and I didn’t even recognize the sound of my own voice as the hysterics flooded from my chest. The last thing I wanted was to hurt my mother. “N-No, Momma, never. You’re perfect.” I fiddled with the neck of my hospital gown, tugging it to my face to wipe at my eyes. “I’m just a selfish d-daughter…I didn’t even ask and I…I’ve completely r-ruined your memories.” She followed my gaze to the tattered and bloody dress in her lap and she sighed.

“Julia Raine, I want you to listen to me.” Mom’s voice was so soothing, even in her darkest hour, and I melted back into the covers of the bed as she inched closer and ran her slender fingers through my bangs. “It’s just a piece of fabric. I want you to watch me throw it away, okay? The dress isn’t the memories. You want to know what reminds me most of how much I love your father?” Tears ran down her round cheeks and Daddy ebbed them away with the back of his hand as he pressed a sympathetic kiss to her temple. “You do. You’re what isn’t replaceable. Not some stupid dress.”

My mother chucked the mangled and bloody fabric into the waste bin by the door and I reached desperately for her hand. Even her cuticles were swollen and bruised, and I held her soft skin between my own like I was afraid she might break. “Mama, what happened to your nails?” She turned her face away from me, ashamed, and Dad struggled to compose himself enough to speak.

“When you were waiting to be taken up to a room you had an asthma attack and went into shock. You coded, we thought—” He swallowed hard. “We thought we were losing you. Your mother tried to bring you your inhaler but the doctors said she was just in the way and they wouldn’t let us stay with you as worked to revive you. The nurses had to drag your mom out of the room, she…she broke her nails to the quick digging them into the wall. She didn’t want to leave your side. Neither of us did.”

If my heart wasn’t broken before, it was then. My parents loved me more than the sun loved the sky. It made me feel even more selfish. I was so lucky to be so wanted, and I’d thrown it in their face to go play house with someone who couldn’t have given a shit less about me. I knew better now. Soichiro didn’t love me. He never loved me, and he _would_ never love me. This is what love felt like, and I’d never felt in once in his presence. It was all a lie. I brought her fingers to my lips to kiss and gave them a small squeeze. “I love you, Mom. You have no idea how much it means that you were both here when I woke up…even though I didn’t deserve it.”

Mom and Dad exchanged weary glances, though each tried their hardest to smile at me. I could tell my apologies were wearing on them, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know what else to say, they were worrying themselves to death over me. “I love you too, sweetheart.” She was quiet for a moment, picking at her already oozing and destroyed fingernails. “Your father is right, Julie. You didn’t deserve an ounce of this. You understand…don’t you? What happened to you?”

At first, I didn’t understand what she was even asking. I had snuck from my bedroom window to go have a romantic evening with my boyfriend. I hadn’t even wanted to. I didn’t want to be with Soichiro anymore. Yet, I had convinced myself all my problems both in and out of the relationship would disappear if I gave in to the pressure to be what he wanted me to be. I let a man I didn’t love touch me, while I pictured the man I did want to be with. It was dirty, and ultimately I had paid for it. How could I explain that to my mother? I couldn’t. I blinked. “I let him hurt me.”

Mom and Dad looked at one another again, for a long moment that time. They were searching one another’s eyes for the right words, but I was their baby. Their firstborn. There wasn’t ever going to be any ‘right words’. “No, baby.” Mom finally said, rubbing small circles into Dad’s back. There was no way my father could have broken the news. He couldn’t even speak the boys name. “He raped you, sweetheart. Consent can be taken back at a moments notice. You didn’t let him do shit to you, he—” She couldn’t finish her sentence, sputtering off into a fit of harsh tears.

“You couldn’t have consented to the things he did to you. He could have killed you Jules. He almost did. That’s all Mom is trying to say.” Dad said softly, bringing Mama’s hand to his mouth to love on as he comforted her.

My throat felt like it could close again any moment, and I couldn’t stand to look at the heartbreak written in my parent’s eyes. Raped? He’d hurt me very badly, sure, but the word _raped_ had not once crossed my mind. _I’ve been…raped. My boyfriend…my ex-boyfriend…raped me?_ I shook the thoughts from my head as best as I could, fiddling with the ear of what I recognized to be Rosie’s favorite stuffed llama. I hadn’t noticed earlier that it was in the bed with me, but somehow the thought of her leaving it with me helped the stinging in my heart. I bet she was so confused. Her sissy was supposed to be strong. “I didn’t want to give it to him.” I whispered. “I realized I wanted to give it to—it was supposed to be—I asked him to stop.”

I didn’t need to say his name out loud. Daddy knew exactly who I meant and he cleared his throat awkwardly before he spoke. “I haven’t let him inside…but Tatsuki’s called every single morning to ask about you. We know. We know he’s…special.” Dad had always known. I’d tried to hide my feelings for Tatsuki for a long time, but my father wasn’t stupid. I’d loved the boy since I was five-years-old. “Do you want him to come see—”

“No.” I said quickly. “I don’t want him to see this. It would break his heart.” Dad looked a little relieved. His body language was rigid and protective, and I knew he didn’t want any boys around me right now. Not after this. If I was being completely honest with myself, I didn’t want to be around any either. How could someone pretend to love a person like that? How many other people were heartless and cold and vile? I couldn’t trust anyone. Not even…not even T. Not yet. I had to find the real Julia Raine first, and I prayed that she was still inside of me.

Mom offered a small smile as she dried her eyes. “I think that’s a good idea, my love. Until you heal a little more. We haven’t let anyone see you that wasn’t immediate family. Just us, your siblings, and your grandparents.” I threaded my fingers through her own and a small grimace tugged at the corner of my mouth.

“You mean…Papa knows?” Shit. How could they have told my grandfather? The news was probably a knife in his old heart. He didn’t need this kind of stress. I didn’t want to be the cause of any more grief. I was already overwhelmed, and Papa and I shared a bond that was so special to my heart. I couldn’t even imagine seeing his face when he got that call.

Dad reached to gingerly tuck a strand of my hair behind my ears. “We had to tell him, baby. You’ve been in here for a little over three days. You…had to have some surgery, baby girl.” My eyebrows shot up in surprise and Mom slapped Dad with a frustrated glare. I imagined she hadn’t wanted to drop _all_ the bad news in one go. _Too late now_ , I thought gloomily, _let’s hear it_.

“…what do you mean, _surgery?_ ”


	13. Chapter 13

*Tatsuki’s POV* 

The last three days had been the very worst of my life. Headmaster Leonhart was being cautious, and I was thankful for it, but knowing the love of my life was suffering without me was eating me alive. I was sandwiched into my too-tight Garden uniform, tugging nervously at the hem of the suit jacket as I cradled my phone between my shoulder and my cheek. “Headmaster, Sir, are there any updates? Is she going to be okay? Can I see her?” 

Squall Leonhart didn’t sound himself on the other line. What was usually a professional, bordering on bored tone was now a shaky wisp of its former glory. “Commander Mamoru, you have duties to be performing at the Garden. I need you to be--” 

“With all due respect, Sir,” I interjected. “Commander Dincht has an eye on things. I asked about Julia.” Under normal circumstances I _never_ would have dared interrupt the headmaster. There was no one in the world I respected more, he’d been like a father to me almost my entire life. Julia Raine, however, was someone I had no intension of living without, and I desperately needed to hear that she was going to make it. The original prognosis I’d been given was grave. 

Headmaster Leonhart sighed. “Comm--” There was a brief pause and he huffed. “Tatsuki. I appreciate how much you care about my daughter; I do. She’s...she’s really going to need that love and support when she gets home. But for right now, I need you to trust me. Julia is not in a good place. She’s in stable condition, they’re allowing Rinoa to draw her a bath right now, but mentally she’s...she’s going to need time, son. Only family right now. That’s final.” 

Tears pricked my eyes and I bit them back as best I could. “Y-yes, Sir. Would you...forgive me for speaking inappropriately, but...would you please tell her that I love her?” My request was met with silence and I counted to three as a tear finally rolled down the side of my face. The last thing I wanted was to completely give myself away. I was sure seventeen years' worth of witnessing me pine after his firstborn was dead giveaway enough. Julia meant everything to me. 

“Goodnight, Tatsuki.” 

The line was dead before I could get another word in edgewise, and I swore under my breath as I jammed the phone back inside the pocket of my uniform trousers. I composed myself as best I could as there was a gentle knock on the door of the library. I had been tasked with replastering the wall from the Headmaster’s episode with the Cutting Trigger. “Yes?” 

It was Commander Dincht. I could tell by the knock. Zell Dincht was an interesting individual to say the least, and it had always been curious to me that he managed to be both Headmaster and President Leonhart’s closest friend. That wasn’t to say that I wasn’t fond of him, I was, but I wouldn’t have thought his cheerful personality to be up the Headmaster’s ally. Then again…he _had_ married Madam President. The knock came in a smooth rhythm, like a melody, and he poked his head through after beating his jingle into the door. “You’re requested on the bridge, kid.”

I blinked. The bridge? As far as I knew, Garden was grounded for the foreseeable future. We were not often mobile. Headmaster Leonhart didn’t sign off on contracts that required it. Any country on the Galbadian continent was accessible by train, and as far as I was aware, our Garden had _never_ accepted a contract off the shores of our own continent as long as I had been alive. Timber Garden was only ever mobile when the flight system needed to be checked and serviced, just as a precaution. “Yes, Sir.”

I stood a little straighter and smiled at the Commander. There were dark circles under his pale eyes, and I prayed that Garnet was alright. She was younger than me, I had never had the pleasure of working with her, but I knew her through Julia. She was Noctis’s girlfriend, and she frequented the Leonhart household. Real sweet girl. I hated that she struggled and suffered the way that she did. She didn’t deserve it. A hard frown tugged at the corner of my mouth. That…reminded me of Julie. She hadn’t deserved it either. I clinched my fists into tight balls, and I’d almost forgotten that I wasn’t alone. Commander Dincht cleared his throat. “You okay?”

I swallowed. “If you’ll forgive my saying so, Sir, no. I’m not.”

He didn’t seem surprised. Commander Dincht sighed and glanced down at his watch for a moment before ambling toward me, snaking an arm around my shoulders. He smelled heavily of hotdogs, but I never would have said so. “We all hate what happened to Jules.” He admitted softly. “It’s important that she’s got you in her corner. But right now, we need you to take care of this place as if you were her father. You know how much he and the Garden mean to her.”

As if I were her father? I glanced down at my worn sneakers and bit the inside of my cheek. There were no men like Squall Leonhart, least of all me. Those were impossible shoes to fill. Dincht was the senior commander on duty, not me, and yet for some reason the Headmaster was always insistent that the leadership opportunities fell on _my_ shoulders. He saw something in me that wasn’t there, I thought dejectedly. I wasn’t anything special. I was so lost in my thoughts I was barely cognizant of the fact that we had wandered to the elevator already.

Commander Dincht and I rode up to Garden’s third floor and halted inside Headmaster Leonhart’s office. There was a small elevated platform within the chamber that lead up to the bridge, and I’d heard from older members of the administration that it resembled Balamb Garden’s to a T. The Headmaster had not taken many creative liberties in the building of his Garden. He’d used old blueprints from the original, and apparently people could tell. I had been born and raised in Timber, I’d never seen Balamb, or the Garden stationed there. Julia hadn’t either, which I found odd. Her parents had married there, in the ballroom.

The bridge looked dusty and unused as ever as we stepped off of the platform and out toward the wide panels of glass that opened our vision to the lush greenery that surrounded us. The forests of Timber were beautiful, even in the dead of winter. Marina Zabac was our unofficial piolet. Mrs. Zabac was more of a nursery worker for the smallest of Garden’s children, but she was also appointed to help on the bridge the few times out of the year that it was in use.

Marina’s hair was still a dusty pink, it had been my whole life, and she had the top layer pinned into neat buns on either side of her head. She had a baby tightly swaddled to her chest, and she was standing stiff as a board in her navy-blue uniform as she waited for us to approach. “Commander Mamoru, you’re late. I need to speak with you urgently.”

I stood at attention, shrugging Commander Dincht off me as I shot her a SeeD salute. “Ma’am.”

She nodded. “It’s about Ms. Leonhart. I am of the opinion that Garden should be patrolling the area as thoroughly for the perpetrator as the police are…or aren’t, rather. You and I both know the police aren’t good for much.”

I agreed with her. I was sure most of Garden, the Headmaster especially, would have agreed with that assessment of Timber’s law enforcement. But I wasn’t about to do anything without a clear set of orders. “No, ma’am. I have not been sanctioned by anyone in the Leonhart family to move their property, and I will not be giving you permission to do so.”

My response seemed to surprise Commander Dincht, who raised his eyebrows at me. “T…this is for Julia. How could you even say that?” It seemed he and I were in the business of surprising _each other._ I was disturbed that he didn’t see the issue in what she was asking of me. It wasn’t my place to give an order like that, whether the Headmaster left the Garden under my supervision or not. I sneered internally at Mrs. Zabac’s use of the word perpetrator, as if Julia’s life were some sort of Law and Order special. No, everyone in the room knew who hurt her, and I was tired of walking on eggshells. I didn’t care that his parents worked under us. “Let’s not mince words, you say that as if we don’t know who did it.” I hissed. “Don’t mistake my loyalty to the Headmaster for inaction. When I get a hold of Soichiro Yoshioka, there will be pieces of him scattered up and down the western seaboard.”

I didn’t recognize my own voice as I spoke, and I took a moment to compose myself. I didn’t like to raise my voice, least of all at a lady. I wasn’t raised that way. Marina and Commander Dincht were both staring over my shoulder, and I turned around slowly. Both Raijin and Felicia Yoshioka were standing behind me and I closed my eyes as guilt curdled my stomach. Of course, I had to lose my cool when his parents were standing right behind me. I might have felt better about it if Ambassador Yoshioka hadn’t been very heavy with child.

Both parents looked completely worn down, and Felicia’s hands were cupping her swollen abdomen protectively, though she looked to be in no small amount of pain. Her eyes were as swollen as her belly and bloodshot. Sweat pricked her brow, and she was panting slightly at her husband’s side. They both appeared tortured. I was sure this was much harder for them than it was for me. “Ma’am, you don’t look well—”

“I’m fine.” The Ambassador snapped. “We came to inform you that several members off staff are seeing shadows near the classrooms on the second floor. Three different people have reported thinking they’ve seen my son.” Her tone was clipped and her voice waivered like she might actually cry. I had never seen Ambassador Yoshioka shed a tear. She was a very strong, stoic woman.

“You still don’t want to do a sweep?” Mrs. Zabac retorted icily, narrowing her eyes at me as I stood my ground. It was doubtful that he was stupid enough to be in the Garden, but I was going to take any and every report we got seriously. I wanted to nail the fucker.

“Why would it do us any good to sweep the perimeter of the country if they’re seeing him in the building? We will search Garden top to bottom, and I’ll lead the hunt. You tell our SeeD’s if they spot him on campus they are permitted to use lethal force.”

Marina and Commander Dincht both exchanged a weary glance. “C-Commander—”

“That’s an order.” I barked. Neither Mrs. Zabac nor Zell would make eye contact with Felicia and Raijin as they skirted passed them, heads bowed, and I could hear Felicia’s breathing escalate as her husband attempted to calm her down. I was sure they both loved Soichiro. That was perfectly normal, and I pitied their situation more than they knew. They should have been grateful that the Headmaster wasn’t around. I was certain he wouldn’t have treated them with that same clarity. Julia was his little girl. “I am…terribly sorry for your loss.”

Raijin’s expression was pinched as he rubbed soothing circles into his wife’s lower back. “You say that as if he’s already dead.” I blanched slightly, and I avoided the fire burning behind his eyes. He had every right to be angry. He was dealing with something I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy. I opened my mouth to offer a bit of solace but closed it again as Felicia let out an ear-splitting wail. Her hands were clutching at her abdomen and she rocked forward into what I assumed as a contraction as a small gush of water splattered the floor. “Get your Headmaster on the phone _now_ , y’know?!” 


	14. Chapter 14

*Julia’s POV*

I hadn’t been bathed yet, in the three days I had been in the hospital. The doctors had needed as much DNA evidence as they could get from both my rape kit and the bloody finger prints that littered my neck. That part was finally over now, and they had given my mother the okay to draw me a bath. She filled a small plastic tub in the center of the room with hot water with the help of a few nurses, and I had sheepishly asked my father to go get some air. He hadn’t left my side for a moment, and that meant more to me than he would ever realize, but…I didn’t need him to see what Soichiro had done to me down there. My father would not have survived it.

Dad had begrudgingly kissed my forehead and told me he’d be back soon, and that left Mom to help be my caretaker. The nurses could have assisted me, but I didn’t want anyone that wasn’t my mother touching my body. I needed to be left alone. It was dark in the room, per my request, and Mom was very gentle with me as she helped me out of the bed. My legs were shaky and they ached as I forced them forward for the first time since I’d walked to Soichiro’s house that night. My whole body was sore, and I hissed with pleasure as I dipped a foot into the scalding water.

Mom offered a small smile and brought my hand to her mouth to kiss. “Does that feel good, baby?” I nodded, though I was afraid to submerge my entire body. My privates were wrapped in a ton of padding, but I knew it was going to burn regardless. It hurt to run a papercut under a faucet…and I had knife wounds. Momma could sense the hesitation and she squeezed my fingers as hard as she could. “I’m right here. It’ll only hurt for a little bit, just until you get acclimated to the water.”

I took a deep breath before slowly creeping toward the water with my rear. I cried out a little, and my mother shushed me gently as I struggled to force the rest of my body underwater. She was right, however, as she usually was. It was like fire had licked my body for several agonizing moments, but it did wane. I tenderly pulled the gauze from between my legs, and I sat in quiet awe as I got my first look at what had truly happened to me. One of my labia was almost completely missing, and a crude carving of the initials SY were stitched into my skin. When I looked back up, I immediately wished I hadn’t.

I was numb at that point, to the appearance of my genitals. My mother on the other hand was ashen white, and she trembled violently in an attempt to keep herself glued together. It wasn’t just tears anymore. There was a deep hatred boiling beneath her skin, and I could feel the magical current that vibrated her body. She was dangerously close to losing control. “Mommy,” I reminded her gently. “It’s just you and I. It’s alright.”

It wasn’t alright. Someone had hurt me, and her maternal instincts were in hyperdrive. My mother was the most powerful Sorceress alive to date, now that Adel was dead and Ultimecia sent into the future. She had an incredible power inside of her, and for the most part, she was more than strong enough to control it. My father’s job as her Knight wasn’t a hard one. My mother had an inner strength that was deserving of such power. The only thing in the world that completely undermined her control, was the thought of her children being in danger. Mom’s love was the strongest force in this world, and I had never been surer of it. “Julia—”

“Momma. Look at me, it’s okay.” I took her face in my hands and smiled at her as brightly as I could muster. Maybe it wouldn’t scar, and we could all put this horrible thing behind us. That’s all I wanted. I wanted to forget it ever happened and go back to having a normal life. “I want us to let it go. I want to go home and hang out with Tatsuki, and I want Dad to make us those tacos that we like so much, and for you and I to go shopping. That’s all. I want normal.”

She seemed to simmer down a little and she sniffled. “We can do all of those things.” Mom promised. “We just have to get you better enough to come home. Your brother has been cleaning the house nonstop, he says he’s afraid if you come home to a dirty environment the vampires are less likely to smell the garlic. No one is hurting his sister again.” She actually laughed a little, and that was so nice to hear. I didn’t want to hear anymore crying.

I snickered. “So…the scent of a dirty house masks the smell of garlic? He’s a goober.”

“He loves you.” Mom corrected. “We all do.” She cast her eyes to her hands briefly, as if to ponder whether or not to tell me something, before she picked up a sponge to run along my back. “Speaking of love. I don’t know if you could hear…but Tatsuki called again, right before your father left.”

I shivered as the warm water rolled down my spine and I let out a small sigh. “Dad didn’t sound too friendly.”

The gentle laugh that floated from my mother was almost more soothing than her hands as she massaged soap into my skin. I loved the sound of her voice. “He keeps asking your father to tell you he loves you. Your dad…doesn’t quite know how to take it.”

“He said he loves me?” I asked eagerly. “What…what kind of love, could Daddy tell?”

All that weeping over me and she had the audacity to roll her eyes. It made me smirk. “Oh, Julia Raine. You know what kind of love. I don’t know why you’re so adamant that he needs to scream it from the rooftops in order for you to be sure. Tatsuki Mamoru has been in love with you since he was still in pull ups.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. I did _not_ know that. He was my closest friend besides Autumn, how was I supposed to be sure the line between romantic and platonic love wasn’t blurred in my own head? “Fine, if you’re so sure, I’ll call him right now and tell him how I feel.”

Mom pushed my bangs from my eyes to rinse my hair and she shook her head. “I wouldn’t. That boy would fly over here in a heartbeat and give your father a stroke. Anything that happens between you and Tatsuki needs to be nice and slow. I don’t want you rushing into anything after all this.”

I knew she was right, but I couldn’t help the frown that graced my face. I felt like this _was_ slow. Seventeen years was pretty long for two people to be in love and never once confess it to each other. Most of that was my fault. I’d run around with Soichiro with no other intent than to make Tatsuki jealous at first…and look how that had spiraled. I’d done this to myself; it was karma. “Momma do you…Daddy said that they had to give me surgery…down there. Am I still going to be able to have a baby?”

That seemed to catch my mother off guard and her gentle brown eyes widened as far as they were able. “Have a baby? Is that your idea of taking it slow?” She was attempting to laugh off the question, but I wanted to know. My only two goals in life thus far had been to become a SeeD, and to become a mom, and I’d only accomplished one of those thus far.

“Mom, I’m being serious.” I couldn’t even look at her as I repeated my question. “Could I still have a baby? If I wanted to? Or did he…ruin me?” My voice caught in my throat and Mom was quiet for a long while. Her arms were arm around me, and she held me there for what felt like a lifetime.

“Most of the damage was external, thank Yevon. You had one internal bleed, near the entrance. Your father made the decision himself, once they got you breathing again, that he wanted you to be tested for anything Soichiro could have transmitted to you, and he wanted you in surgery for that wound. Your Daddy asked them to do that surgery to keep you from scarring on the inside. He wasn’t going to let that man take away your choice to be a mother.”

Daddy had…what? It was hard for me to imagine my dad asking the doctors to do that for me. I didn’t realize he’d ever contemplated that I might give him a grandchild one day. “He _wants_ me to get to be a mom one day?” My tone was so hopeful that it almost made Mom cry again and she pressed several kisses into my hairline.

“I didn’t realize this was something you wanted so bad.” She said with a happy smile. “But, of course. Your father and I would feel very blessed to have any grandchildren you decided to grace us with. Not any time soon, though, Julie. I think your daddy’s head would pop off if we had any more surprises right now.” We both laughed and I nuzzled my face into her touch. I missed spending time with her like this.

“Of course it’s something I want.” I admitted. “I want to be just like you.” That had always been true, from the beginning. “You’re such a good mom.”

The water was getting cold, but I didn’t dare move as Mom pulled me further into her embrace. I could have lived in the warmth of her arms for the rest of my life. She made me feel so safe, like Soichiro could never touch me ever again. “You and Tatsuki will be wonderful parents one day. Let’s just get you through this first. You’re young, my love. You and Tatsuki have all the time in the world. I promise. That boy is smitten. He’s not going anywhere.”

I hoped she was right. Truth be told I felt a thousand times better, in spite of the fact that my bathwater had turned pink from the amount of blood my mother had had to scrub from my abused body. I was almost a little sad that it was time to get out, especially since that meant it was time for more nurses to come in and rebandage my downstairs. I didn’t want anyone to touch me there ever again. No one. Even if that meant Tatsuki and I had to do IVF to have our baby one day.

After Mom helped me from the tub and the nurses came to traumatize me some more, I must have fallen asleep. The next thing I remembered was the warmth of familiar fingers between my own, and a male doctor hovering over me. My initial instinct was to panic, and I hauled a round of Firaga at his head. He dodged, and it fizzled out into a heap behind him as I realized who I’d nearly fileted. “Terra?!” His long black hair was up in a bun and he was looking nice in pale green scrubs and a white lab coat. I noticed the hand wedged within my own as being Papa’s, and I rolled to grin at him before Terra could even respond.

“Good morning there, Julie.” Papa leaned in to rub his nose against mine gently and I giggled. “Terra was the doctor on call when your friend Autumn called the ambulance. He carried you in here.”

I was so very happy to see my grandfather, though worry twisted in my gut as my eyes scanned the room for my parents. “Papa…where—”

I didn’t like the panicked look exchanged between Papa and Doctor Zabac and my forehead creased with worry as my grandfather continued to pet my face with the back of his hand. “Your mother and father were called back to Garden. There has…been a little bit of an emergency.”


	15. Chapter 15

“What kind of an emergency?” I asked evenly. I didn’t like being treated like a porcelain doll. I was a SeeD. I hated the hospital as much as I hated being left out of the action. I knew it had to be a pretty desperate situation if it tore both my parents from my side.

It was Terra who spoke first. “Your parents received an emergency transmission from Garden that Soichiro had been sighted at the facility…and that Ambassador Yoshioka is in active labor. As you’re well aware, the doctor on duty at Timber Garden is not well equipped to deliver a baby, so I sent some of my staff back with them to assist.”

My grandfather slapped him with a sour look, but I was thankful for the transparency. Terra Zabac was a bit of a wildcard. He’d dropped out of the SeeD program not long after he and Marina had gotten back together. He hadn’t been much for discipline or rules, and that got him in a lot of trouble. I was surprised to know he’d managed to remain dedicated enough to work his way through medical school. Becoming a father must have really changed him. He and Marina had had a lot of issues that stemmed from the loss of their first child, when I was still small, but they had managed to build a tiny family between Vaan and raising Vivienne. Now the couple had two small boys of their own. “Doctor Zabac, I want you to be honest with me. Do you think I can walk? On my own?”

Terra’s dark eyebrows rose. “You tell me. How did you feel walking to the bath?” He crossed his arms and frowned at me, and those ice blue eyes seemed to see right through me. Damn it. He knew what I was up to, and he knew as good as I did that I was having trouble moving without assistance. True as that may have been, I wanted to be out there helping. I wanted to take my identity back. My silence was his answer, and he shook his head at my grandfather, who was staring him down.

“Now, Jules. Your parents want you resting, and I don’t want you anywhere near that evil piece of flaming human garbage.” Papa’s voice was gruff as he spoke, swollen with emotion, and he bent to tuck me further into my covers. He was officially the second person to call Soichiro evil to my face, which surprised me. He’d always seemed so fond of Ichi. I guess…things changed when your granddaughter was raped. I was still struggling with that word. It still felt like it was my own fault somehow, and to admit that it was rape would be to absolve myself of that responsibility.

“I can’t let anything happen to Felicia.” I bleated, eyes welling with tears at the thought that her stepson had somehow brought her or her innocent baby any harm. I was terrified of Soichiro, but I would be damned if that stopped me from protecting the people that I loved. What if she didn’t even know yet? What if she still trusted him? She wasn’t safe, and neither were Mizuki or Kazane. I had to warn them. Autumn was acting so strangely that night. I thought she was in shock. There was no telling what she had and had not told her family.

My Papa’s smile was so heartbroken as he begged me to stay in bed, but I was already tugging at my own catheter. “Julia. Please don’t make me do this.” I was hardly listening, and I didn’t figure there was much a sixty-seven-year-old man could do to restrain me. I was not expecting, however, for him to gesture frantically at the doctor while I finished tugging the tubes from my body.

Terra nodded at my grandfather, and the next thing I knew Sleeping Powder had been sprinkled into a cloth and held firmly against my nose as a syringe was planted deep into my left arm. I wasn’t given too much time to be angry about it as my vision faded almost instantly and I was swept away by another horrible nightmare.

*Tatsuki’s POV*

Ambassador Yoshioka was desperately trying to push as her husband and I carried her as best we could down to the infirmary. We were able to get her in bed and behind a curtain before she screamed that the baby was crowning. I was only twenty-one years old, I didn’t know what that meant, and Raijin shushed her gently as he rolled her pants down her thighs. That was highly inappropriate for me to witness, and I turned my back as she belted out another deafening scream. The ambassador was way above my rank and merit. She was Timber’s first line of defense, she was the President’s closest and highest ranking official. I should not have been in that room.

I wanted Julia. I wanted to be in the hospital with _her_ where I knew I was wanted. I didn’t know anything about the miracle of childbirth. An alarm suddenly sounded from the com system above us, breaking both my thoughts and the loud guttural moan coming from Felicia. “Caution: National Enemy Confirmed to Be Spotted in the Quad. I repeat: National Enemy Confirmed to Be Spotted in the Quad.” _Soichiro._ I could hear Zell hot on our heels and I grabbed him by his jacket as I pulled him into the small room.

“Listen to me, you’re a father, you’re better suited right here. I have to go.” Zell saluted me and helped Raijin prop his wife’s legs up as their daughter’s head began its slow emergence into the world. I walked back and took one of Felicia’s hands within my own before pressing a small kiss to her cheek. “You’re going to be okay, Fee. I promise. And I’m so, so sorry.”

It was the first time I’d ever used that nickname, and she looked as if she might cry as she croaked back a response. “Our son is already long gone. You do what you need to do.” I nodded at her and squeezed her hand one final time before I bolted toward the Quad. The alarm was still screeching overhead, and I pulled the Twin Lance from its holster. I had busted my ass told graduate as a gunblade specialist a full year ahead of my peers, so I could attend the same graduation as Julia. I was lucky to have been naturally skilled with the weapon, and the ability to wield dual blades was one such perk that came along with that.

This was the moment I’d been training for, I thought. I was going to avenge the woman that I loved, and there wasn’t a soul inside that Garden that could have stopped me. “Soichiro!” His name seemed to ricochet through the still morning air as I tore down the Quad’s steps. “Come on out and fight me you coward!”

I was surprised to notice that I was the only SeeD who had made a break outside. I skidded to a halt near the stage, glancing about at my surroundings in mild suspicion. There was no way I was the only person who had heard that alarm, right? It had had been loud enough to shake the walls. The air was eerily quiet around me, suddenly, as if someone had drained sound from the entirety of the earth. Time seemed to be at a stand till, and no one followed behind me. I was alone. A monstrous laugh whispered through the evergreens and my hands slipped around the handle of my gunblade as my palms began to perspire.

“You can drop the façade now, Tatsuki. We’re alone. No need to play hero around me. I know what you are.” I couldn’t see the bastard, but I could hear his voice clear as day. “You wanna know what finally pushed me over the edge when I was playing with your little whore?”

I growled at him, stabbing my Twin Lance at shadows as I dared him to make his presence known to me. My Julia was _not_ a whore. “Step into the light you sick son of a bitch.”

The Quad seemed to spin, and my eyes couldn’t focus on any one target as the shadows that littered the environment seemed to twist and reshape. I was disoriented, and he knew it as his twisted laughter rang out again. “She called your name when I was making love to her. It’s all _your_ fault that she’s injured. She had to go and fall in love with the pathetic white knight when I could have given her _everything_.”

She had…what? Julia felt the same way about me? That kiss on the slide was suddenly making more sense, and the deepest pit of despair I had ever felt roiled within my belly. I really _had_ failed her. She was reaching out me and I had—I was about to be sick. How long had she felt that way and I was too stupid to come and rescue her from what I _knew_ was an abusive relationship. Hoe long had she waited for me? My stomach lurched hard and Soichiro cackled again. “I will fucking end you.”

“Oh, will you? Come and find me then. All this chaos has been a little…convenient? Wouldn’t you think? I have eyes on her right now…all alone in that hospital. She’s just waiting for me to come and finish the job.”

I couldn’t form coherent speech anymore; I was drowning in a sea of my own emotions. I screamed with every ounce of rage in my body, and he continued to merely laugh. I screamed until my throat was raw and the taste of copper tickled at the back of my esophagus. I had to either kill him or get to her, there were no other options. “I said DIE!” I lunged for the first shadow I saw and for once, my gunblade jammed into something corporeal. There was a sickening roar of pure hatred from the corner of the Quad, and I knew I’d struck him. “You will _never_ touch Julia again.”

I jerked the Twin Lance from the bloody appendage I’d struck and lunged forward with every fiber of my being. The dark lump’s head splattered like a watermelon as I cracked into the base of the skull with my blades. The Quad stopped spinning and the sky brightened, but the moment I could see clearly, I wished I’d never been born. _W-What kind of magic is this? This is—_ I couldn’t even finish my thought before emptying the contents of my stomach violently into the dead grass beneath my feet. The body he’d been puppeteering around the Garden wasn’t his own, and what was left behind crushed my heart into pieces. The most beautiful pink Chocobo lay still, her head nothing but a pile of meat. I knelt down to examine her, tears spilling down my cheeks.

Her nipples were engorged, like she had Chicobo’s to feed, and the small plastic tag woven around her ankle read “Seymour Almasy National Chochobo Farm.” _No, please, Yevon._ Sasuke was going to be so upset. I gave the bird’s soft feathers a pat and whispered my apologies. I was going to need to call and report this before I left for the hospital. In the end, it was just an animal, and I knew that, but there was something about it that reminded me of Julia…in a way that deeply disturbed me. It was a pale Red Chocobo, pink in its feathers. Pink was Julia’s favorite color, and Chocobos her favorite animal. That was not a coincidence and I knew it. It was psychological warfare.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Laguna’s number. I knew that if Rinoa and Squall had been called from the hospital, there was no way in hell they had left her there alone. “Mr. Loire, Sir…it’s me, Tatsuki. Please, it’s imperative that I speak with your granddaughter, I am on my way.”


	16. Chapter 16

*Julia’s POV*

I kept hearing that sentence in my mind, fresh as the night he’d whispered it. “You look just like your mother…you selfish whore.” Every time it was uttered, it twisted in on itself, as if the pieces of garbled language in between were becoming clearer. “You look just like your mother, too bad…you selfish whore.” The word whore echoed and reverberated throughout the recesses of my subconscious, just as it always did, and the clearer the sentence became, the sharper the lines of his face were behind my eyelids.

I could see every flaw and indentation of that face, seared into my mind as it hung over my body. His long raven mane like drapes, framing the hollow and dead eyes at the center of his visage. I beat my fists against the void of my own mind, as if I thought I’d be able to escape without the sweet release of death. I tried to think of someone—anyone who could save me. Papa had once told me that my mother and father escaped the vacuum of Time Compression through the power of love alone. I had to wonder, could the same thing be accomplished, then, within the unconscious mind?

_Please, someone wake me._ I prayed. Anyone. Daddy. Mommy. Tatsuki. The image of Soichiro’s face behind my mind’s eye contorted as I thought Tatsuki’s name, and pure fear sept between my very bones. _You can’t keep me from loving Tatsuki. This is my heart and my body._ The dark brown of Soichiro’s eyes became pitch black, and scarlet drops of blood oozed from his tear ducts as he continued to stare at me. _I love him. I love him. I LOVE HIM!_ The louder my mind shrieked, the more gruesome the image became. Soichiro’s eyes popped from his skull and suddenly my mental screams were given a voice as I bolted upright in bed.

“I LOVE HIM!” Tears were rolling down my face, and I was shaking so hard my grandfather must have thought I was seizing as he attempted to grab hold of my arms. He was saying my name, in that soothing way that only he could, and I swallowed several painful gulps of air before my body finally got with the program. My breathing was labored, but the tremors loosened their hold on me as I searched in the dim lighting for my papa’s hand. “H-How could you do that to me? I don’t want to sleep…I don’t want to d-dream.”

Papa’s large green eyes were sorrowful, but he wasn’t going to apologize for doing what he thought was necessary to keep me safe. I knew that. He was like my father in that way. I wanted to be angry with him, to tell him to go away. I thought better of it, however, when I realized what was sitting atop my chest. I had felt it slide down the sheets while I was thrashing, but his tired old fingers had gently placed it back, without a word. “I’ve been saving that for you for a long time.”

My fingers delicately slid around the band as I brought the small ring to my face. I wanted to examine it. It was a simple sterling silver wedding band, similar to the one he was wearing now, except his and Nana’s were gold. “I don’t understand.” Papa didn’t care, he was wearing my favorite lopsided smile, the one that made his eyes crinkle.

“You’re always saying how much you want to be like your mom.” He said, gingerly placing a silver chain into the palm of my hand. “That necklace she wears…it started off as just your Grandma Julia’s wedding band. Then, when she fell in love with your father, she added his Griever ring, so he’d always be with her. That ring of his eventually became her engagement ring.” He threaded the necklace chain through the band and gently reached to clasp it around my neck. “I thought you’d like to have mine. I wasn’t there when Raine died, so she was buried with her ring. But I wore my wedding ring until the day I married your Nan. I don’t wear it anymore so…please. You keep it. And remember me.”

My eyes welled with tears and I reached to caress his face with the back of my hand. “You say that like you won’t be around forever.” I pressed the ring to my lips, and he let out a bittersweet laugh as he ran his fingers through my hair.

“I won’t be. None of us will. When I die, I’ll leave the rings I married Edea with to your aunt. But Raine is _your_ grandmother, and I want you to have a piece of us both. I…I hate seeing you like this, Julie. I only ever wanted you to be h-happy.” Papa’s voice cracked and I immediately sat up to pull his face against my chest. The dam seemed to break, and his shoulders shook as I rested my chin atop his silvery head. It hurt my heart to see him like this. Any anger I may have been holding onto fizzled out and I rocked us back and forth gently.

“I _am_ happy. Thank you for the ring, Papa. It’s beautiful.” I whispered. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. You’ll always be my little bean. Always.” He swore. I was his first grandchild, and my arrival had really helped solidify and bridge the gap between he and my father. We were very close because of it. He hadn’t gotten to be there for my father growing up, and he had more than made up for that with the relationship he’d built with me and my siblings. “I should probably let you know,” Papa muttered sheepishly, wiping my bangs from my eyes. “Tatsuki is on his way.”

_What?_ I sat up straight and ran my fingers through my hair to clear it of knots. I scrambled for my phone to check my appearance in the camera and my grandfather doubled over with fresh peels of laughter. It wasn’t funny! I hadn’t seen the sun in several days and I had finally come to terms with the fact that Tatsuki was the man I loved. He couldn’t see me like that. “Oh, Papa. Not Tatsuki, not yet, you’re kidding. I look hideous.” I whined, being careful to make sure my legs were tightly wound in the sterile white hospital blankets. I didn’t want Tatsuki to know the extent of my injuries…or the extent of my unshaven legs.

“You’re such a drama queen. You’ve never been hideous a day in your life.” Papa scolded. I had something to fire back to that, but as if on cue there was a gentle knock on the door. My heart leapt into my throat and I clenched my fingers around Papa’s hand too hard. He didn’t wiggle away from me, but I could feel him laughing under his breath. I rolled my eyes internally. I was glad this was amusing to him. “C-Come in, please.”

Tatsuki looked as beautiful as he ever had as he fidgeted awkwardly in the doorway. The dark blue of his Garden uniform popped against his golden complexion and he anxiously picked at the handle of his gunblade with his long fingers. He took my breath. “J-J…” He stammered and I looked down at my hands.

“Please don’t ever call me J.” I whispered. J had been Soichiro’s nickname for me, and I’d have been happy to never hear it again for the rest of my life. Tatsuki had his own names for me, and I grinned, though I didn’t dare make eye contact. “You know the one I like.”

I could practically hear him smile. “My Jule.” That was the one. It made my heart ache in my chest, and when I finally braved a look at him, I almost stopped breathing. His plump lips were parted and a beautiful shade of pink. His curved eyes were wide and looking at me like a startled doe. He was so perfect, and he had no earthly idea. “Julie, can I ask you something?”

It felt like all the air had been sucked from the room and I clasped Papa’s ring in my hand as tightly as I could. I stole a glance at my grandfather, who was smirking as he gave me a slight nod of encouragement. It was kind of nice that he didn’t seem to share the same worldview as my father. Daddy would have thrown Tatsuki out of the room in a heartbeat for daring to have male genitalia, after everything that had happened. My heart assaulted my ears rhythmically, and I was starting to panic a little as I whimpered out a half-hearted response. “Yes.” I wanted to hear him confess what I knew to be true, but at the same time the idea terrified me. Our whole relationship would change. Was I…ready for that?

Tatsuki looked down at his hands for a moment, and when he finally turned his gaze back toward me, I could tell he was holding back tears. “F-Forgive me, it’s wonderful to see you.” He was struggling to speak, and I hated to see the pain that danced behind his eyes. “There is so much I want to say to you right now, but I think there are some urgent matters that need to be attended to first. Was there a…red chocobo at your cousins farm that you were in contact with?”

My heart sank in my chest. As much as I wanted that to be his grand declaration, I guessed now maybe wasn’t the time. Doctor Zabac had mentioned an emergency. “The last…” I sighed. I didn’t want to call it a date, but that was technically what it was. “The last date I went on with Soichiro, he took me out to the Chocobo farm. There was a gorgeous red one in the center stable, she was almost pink. She had three little babies with her, I really liked her.”

Tatsuki broke our gaze and I could hear him swear under his breath as he clinched his hands into fight fists. I couldn’t take it, I needed to be out of the bed, I needed to be holding him. All thought of the state of my legs went out the window and I once again struggled to free myself from the trappings of the many tubes and wires running in and out of my body. “N-No, Julia, please. You’re hurting yourself.” Tatsuki was at my side before I could blink, and he very tenderly pushed me back down on the bed. “I’m right here. Please don’t do that. You need rest.”

I didn’t want to rest. I wanted to understand what was going on, and above all else, I wanted to help. “I don’t understand.” I whispered.

Tatsuki moved forward slow as he physically could and his breathing was ragged as he stopped an inch from my face. “May I…have permission to kiss you?” He whispered. He was still as a statue and I knew he wouldn’t dare move until I gave the okay. He was being so respectful of what had happened to me, and I didn’t know how to respond to it. I couldn’t find my voice, so I nodded instead. My heart was pulsing in my throat, but I was surprised when I felt his soft mouth very delicately brush against my forehead. “I’m going to get him, Julia. He slipped through my fingers at Garden, but it will never happen again. I promise you.”

So that’s why he was so upset. I didn’t know what that had to do with any Chocobo, but I pressed the tip of my nose against his own and managed a small smile. “That isn’t your responsibility, T. It’s okay. The police will get him.” Maybe that was naïve of me to think, I could read it on his face. He cupped my chin and I flinched a little, but his touch was ten times gentler than Soichiro’s had ever dreamed of being. He would have died before he left a bruise on me.

“I-I’m sorry.” He pulled away, and I reached for him frantically. The last thing I wanted was to scare Tatsuki away. “I have to make things right by you. I have to do what they’re too lazy to do. I will do _anything_ to make you safe again.”

My lips quivered and I held onto his fingers as if they were my very oxygen. “Please don’t go.” Tears ran down his face as he looked at me and he took a deep breath, rubbing his thumb gingerly along the back of my hand.

“Never.” He promised. “If here is where you want me, here I where I’ll be.”


	17. Chapter 17

*Rinoa’s POV*

My heart had never been so thoroughly broken. I considered myself a very lucky woman, to have pulled myself from my father’s abuse and fought for the life I wanted. I had a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. I had liberated a nation that my mother held dear to her heart and turned it into a place of refuge for those who were mistreated and misunderstood. I was successful in all the ways Fury Caraway had told me I never would be. And yet, I had very abruptly hit rock bottom. No one had prepared me for the way it would feel to watch my child suffer. Squall and I had given everything we had—though that wasn’t much when we were teenagers—to loving and raising our little girl. How had we managed to protect her for twenty-two years only to fail her so completely?

I didn’t understand it. It had been my responsibility as her mother to put my foot down. I knew she was in love with Tatsuki, and I had given her too much freedom to continuously make the wrong choice. Squall and I had been very careful to make sure we had never controlled her the way my father had tried to control me. We wanted to foster a sense of individuality and self sufficiency in our children. Yet…maybe I had been  _ too  _ lenient. I had seen the red flags and I allowed that boy to abuse my baby. I would never forgive myself. My heart was aching, shredded in my chest as Squall tugged my dead weight furiously down the long hallway to Garden’s infirmary.

We had swept the perimeter at least eight times. There was no sign that Soichiro had been in the building since a few days before the assault. I felt like I’d pulled myself from my daughter’s bedside for no reason, and I was silently crying as I stared holes into the back of my husband’s head. His glove-clad hands were firm around my own, and I knew he could hear me struggling to breathe as he squeezed my fingers. “Just stay close to me.”

Those words. The words that had started it all. I knew he was trying his best to console me, but I wasn’t sure anything could anymore. I wasn’t going to be alright until I knew Julia Raine was going to survive this. An unfamiliar hatred simmered inside of me, and I tried with all my heart to pray it away. I didn’t like to allow negativity into my heart. There had been a time when I could have honestly said I didn’t hate anyone, long after I’d made peace with my father’s memory. But now? There was a pit of rage nestled deep in my core, and it was waiting for my daughter’s assailant to make his presence known to me. I wanted to kill him. “I love you.” I whispered back.

“I love you too.” Squall’s voice sounded tired, like he hadn’t slept in a million years. I sighed. I wasn’t being a good wife. I needed to make sure he was taking care of himself. Squall had a tendency to self-destruct when myself or our children were sick or injured. He took his role as husband, Knight, and father, more seriously than he did anything else in the world. We had always come before Garden in his eyes. I was torn from my musings as my husband tore one of the many curtains back in the small infirmary, pushing Doctor Heisler out of his way.

Felicia was glowing, reclined back in the bed with a wet and squealing newborn pressed firmly to her bosom. It looked like she’d just come out, and Raijin was bawling as he kissed all over his wife’s face. I couldn’t help smiling. The two of them deserved a moment of respite and happiness with everything that was falling apart around them. I wasn’t blind to the fact that Fee was as much a grieving mother as I was. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain of having a child do something so far beyond the scope of what you thought they were capable of. “Oh, congratulations. She’s beautiful, Felicia.”

Little Mizuki squeaked and nuzzled her mother’s breast as her father ran his fingers through her tight black curls. The baby was very cute, and I could tell that he was smitten. Felicia looked like she wanted to say something, but she was worn out, and the words seemed to escape her. I wanted to ask if Mizuki was still the name and how much she weighed, I wanted to bond with my friend, but Squall wasn’t having any of it. He was...taking the assault harder than anyone. He and Julia had been attached at the hip from the moment she took her first breath in his arm. “Raijin. Outside. Now.”

“Squall—” I shot my husband a look, but he shot one right back. I didn’t want to steal any precious moments with their new daughter. In a way, they had just lost their only son…if they’d ever had him at all. I wasn’t sure Soichiro’s soul was even born inside his body. Raijin whispered sweet nothings in his wife’s ear and gave she and their baby both a big kiss before he obediently followed my husband and I out into the hallway.

I immediately wished he hadn’t. I loved Squall with everything that I was, but he wasn’t a flawless man, and as hard as he tried to act like he was some sort of stoic immovable rock, he was very much a man controlled by his emotions. We had been away from Felicia’s side for maybe ten seconds when he landed the first swing. Squall’s fist broke Raijin’s nose on impact, I could hear it, and my husband straddled the larger man as they tumbled to the floor. “H-Hey! Get off me, y’know?!”

By all accounts Raijin was the stronger and better built of the two, but he didn’t once hit Squall back, even after his fist pummeled into his face three more times. Zell broke from Fee’s room and gripped my husband by the back of his bomber jacket as he slapped me with a firm look of disapproval. “You just gonna stand there while he beats ‘em to death?!” I hadn’t meant to stand there like a knot on a log, but I was glued in place. I could feel the steel walls inside my chest breaking down, like I was teetering on the edge of mental collapse. I couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t the first time I’d watched Squall lose control over mine or my daughter’s safety, and I just didn’t have the strength to do anything about it. Squall was at least coping. I didn’t think I was.

Zell wrestled my husband off our friend, who was groaning and bleeding in the floor. His eyes were swelling shut and Squall looked like he was about to clock Zell too for good measure, but it all bled from his face as he caught a glimpse of me in his peripheral vision. “Noa?” He was standing right next to me, but he felt like he was million miles away as I started to slide down the wall. I was shutting down, and tears flooded my body as I crumpled into a pathetic heap on the floor. I couldn’t even imagine what Raijin must have thought. My husband had beaten him to a pulp over something that was beyond his control, and there I was, losing my mind. Weren’t we a pair?

I felt someone lift me into their arms, but it barely registered in my mind that it was Squall. There was too much happening that was beyond my control as both a mother and a wife. I had practically been a single mother for the first five years of our marriage, and that was still a world easier than anything we were going through at present. I didn’t know how to cope with a situation I couldn’t fix. I couldn’t make the pain disappear for our child for the first time since she’d been alive. She was wounded in a way that no amount of my love was going to mend. All I wanted was to be back at the hospital. I was her mother, I didn’t have any right to be away from her.

“Noa, baby, I need you to breathe. I…I’m sorry…” It seemed like I had blinked and Squall had whisked me into his office, where we could be alone. I shook my head. It wasn’t his fault, not truly. This had been building since the night we had gotten that horrible phone call. I let out a jagged breath and shook my head, turning my face toward the sound of his voice. He looked so worried. His steely eyes were soft and I admired the way his greying brunette bangs framed his angular face. It had been two decades and he was still the most beautiful man I’d ever laid eyes on.

“Don’t be sorry, Squally.” I whispered tearfully. I knew he hated that nickname, but for once it actually made him crack a smile. He leaned forward and captured my lips just as gently as he could. I melted into the embrace and wrapped my arms around his neck as I flicked my tongue against his mouth. We had been each other’s first and only, and his body reacted within seconds. We were familiar territory, and I explored him like an old back road whose every twist and crevasse welcomed me home. He groaned in my mouth and I could feel the tension built in his body slowly beginning to ease. “Did you lock the door?” I whispered.

He pulled back with a small smirk and pulled the hem of his t-shirt up to wipe the remaining tears from my cheeks. “Why? Does Daddy need to help Mommy let off some stress? Hmm?” I wanted to laugh at how sexual that sounded, but I knew he was being serious just as much as he was being a tease. He was asking if I was going to be okay. Squall had been married to me more than long enough to know what worked, and I blushed. 

“I haven’t showered in a while, babe. Mommy is a little greasy.” I scrunched my nose and stuck my tongue out at him as I sniffled. I could feel the panic and overwhelming grief subsiding a little, it was easier to breathe for the moment. Squall didn’t seem to  care; I’d given birth on him more than once. A little bit of grease and grime wasn’t anything that would keep him from loving on me. It might not have seemed like it from the outside, but Squall’s love was the purest sort. I knew that to be a fact. No one loved as deeply as my husband. Not a soul.

My husband tugged his gloves off with his mouth and trailed his bare hands down the curve of my body. I shivered a little, bringing his bruised knuckles to my lips to kiss. I hated seeing him hurt, whether it was his own fault or not. He sighed. “Neither of us have really been in our right mind. I know I’ve been a lot to deal with, and I’m sorry. I just want what’s best for our daughter. I’m... gonna make a public announcement tonight, about Soichiro, and then I want us right back at her side.” 

I thought that was a good idea. The tabloids were raising a lot of questions regarding why Julia was seen rushed to Timber General in an ambulance. The people were going to need addressing, as much as I hated it. I was more than grateful he was willing to give the announcement himself. He knew I couldn’t emotionally handle it. “I don’t like her being left alone. Laguna is too old to keep her safe by himself.” I agreed. 

Squall hoisted me up suddenly and I squealed, wrapping my legs around my waist as he pushed me down flat against the hard surface of his desk. “Let me love on you. It’s been over a week.” He muttered against the shell of my ear. “Then straight to the hospital? I. ..I don’t want you to feel alone in this. You’re my partner. We’ll tackle this together.” 

Tears pricked my eyes once more and I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. That right there, was exactly why I married this man. Sweet might not have been an adjective most would have slapped on him, but no one knew him the way I did. I slid my fingers through his own and gave him a loving squeeze. “I’ll stay close to you.” 


	18. Chapter 18

*Julia’s POV*

I was in the hospital for several more days before I was healed enough from my surgery to be discharged. Doctor Zabac had given me a clean bill of health. Soichiro hadn’t transmitted any diseases to me, and the surgery had been a major success. With any luck, the doctor didn’t think I would retain any internal scarring at all. All the evidence from my rape kit had been turned in to the police, and now the only thing that was left, according to my father, was scheduling a D&C. Mom seemed against that, so soon after my recovery, and I…wasn’t too fond of the idea either. I didn’t even want to entertain the notion that pregnancy was a possibility. Babies were made with love, only ever with love. I wasn’t worried about it.

In spite of how well I was healing, my father insisted that I leave the hospital in a wheelchair, which I thought was embarrassing. There had been a line of paparazzi outside the hospital awaiting my release, and the first stupid pictures they shot were of me being wheeled around by my parents, nothing but a frizzy bun poking out of a mountain of thick blankets. Mom and Dad had been too busy worrying over me to do much about it, but Tatsuki wasn’t having it. My father hadn’t been able to get rid of him once he’d shown up, and he was inches away from lost SeeD ranks as he smarted off to reporters.

I wished he wouldn’t get himself in trouble on my account. Tatsuki was normally a very well-mannered and gentle natured person. I seemed to be the spark that ignited a part of him that was fiercely protective. I didn’t want to be the cause of any more heartache for him. He deserved better than to be sucked into the drama that seemed to be cornering me on all sides. I sighed and leaned on his shoulder as we all finally got situated in Dad’s old black Impala. A bittersweet pang of nostalgia hit my heart as I ran my fingers across the old, beat-up leather interior. Daddy had had this car for as long as I could remember, but he was looking to sell it. There were too many of us now, with Yuna-Rose outgrowing her car seat. The Impala wasn’t exactly a good family car.

“…would that be okay?” Tatsuki’s question pulled me from my thoughts, but I hadn’t caught the whole conversation. I knit my brow, about to ask him what he meant as he snaked his arms around my waist. He wasn’t talking to me, however, and my father glanced at Tatsuki briefly in the rearview mirror.

“Where would we keep it, son?” Dad’s voice was exhausted and resigned. I felt so terrible that my own stupidity had caused this much emotional strain on my parents. Especially my father. Dad and I had a special bond with one another. He’d delivered me, gave up his career as a SeeD for me, quit junctioning for me. We had shaped one another’s lives and the love that flowed between us was deep. He wasn’t just my father, he was my Knight. He’d been my protector from the moment we locked eyes on the day of my birth, and I knew my injuries were destroying him.

“It would make her happy.” That was all Tatsuki said. What the hell were they even talking about? He could sense my confusion and Tatsuki smiled at me before pressing a ghost of a kiss into my hairline. “Take a nap, Julie-B. We have a bit of a drive a head of us.” A bit of a drive? My house was right down the road. I _was_ tired though, that much was true, and I felt warm and safe in Tatsuki’s arms. It marked the first time since the night of the assault, that I had drifted off without a single nightmare.

When next I opened my eyes, we were pulling up the winding dirt road to Seymour Almasy National Chocobo Farm. That meant we were on the fringes of Aria North, about an hour out from the city. I stretched and let out a small yawn, wiping the sleep from my eyes as Dad pulled the car to a slow stop. This time the entire family seemed to be home, and Vivienne Almasy waved with a bright smile as she sat an enormous bucket of Chocobo milk down in the brown frost-bitten grass. Her thick blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail and she was bundled up in a puffy sea green coat. Her cream-colored leggings were tucked into a pair of knee-length brown boots and she tromped toward the car with an easy-going smile.

“Uncle Squall! Aunt Rinoa! You came! Sasuke was adamant you take one of these little fellas.”

Take one of what? The Chocobos? What in the world was Tatsuki up to? I recalled our conversation about the red Chocobo in the hospital and I frowned. He had finally told me what had happened, and no small amount of sadness churned in my stomach for the beautiful creature. She was yet another innocent soul that had gotten swept away in my mistakes. What Soichiro had done to her was sickening. My eyes were glued to the center stable where she had once grazed and Tatsuki grinned at me. “You said that Chocobo had three babies, remember?”

I did. There had been three sweet little Chicobos nursing the day that Soichiro and I had come to watch them. One had been green as Vivi’s coat, and one black as charcoal, but the third was the one that had truly caught my eye. She was tinier than the rest, and the same vibrant light red-pink color as her mother. It suddenly occurred to me that their mother had been murdered, and I knew enough about animals to know they weren’t long for this world without her. My lips quivered and I glanced out the window for them frantically. “Are they…dead?”

“No,” Vivi said gently. “But they won’t survive into March if someone doesn’t take ‘em. Sasuke has a lot of animals he has to tend to, and we can’t keep a constant eye on a few orphaned chicks. That’s why I reached out to Tatsuki. I thought maybe—”

I didn’t need to hear another word. I was scrambling from the car as quick as my fingers could jerk the door open. My father practically ripped his seatbelt in half to get to me and barked at Tatsuki to grab the wheelchair from the trunk. I could walk, I thought he was being silly, but I also didn’t want to rock the boat. Dad was coping in the only way he knew how—and that was making sure I was well taken care of. I decided to humor him and sunk down into the uncomfortable blue chair as my mother walked behind me to grab for the handles. She pushed me around to the back of the barn, where the Chicobos were being kept until they were sold. It had been a cold and unforgiving February so far, and they were warmer in there than in the stables.

“Daddy can…can I really keep one?” His prior conversation with Tatsuki in the car suddenly made sense, and he wasn’t being unreasonable. Where _would_ we put it? They were small enough to stay in the house now, but a Chicobo wasn’t going to stay tiny forever. I couldn’t help feeling excited at the possibility. After all, it was my fault their mother was dead. I should be the one to nurse them back to health. The old grey barn was peeling and the doors groaned in protest as Dad carelessly kicked them open.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll find a way to make it happen.” He promised. Worry lines creased his face as he looked at my pitiful form, tucked away like a frail old woman as my mother continued to wheel me forward. He cracked a smile at me regardless and gestured to a small pin in the western corner of the barn. “Maybe giving you something to mother wouldn’t be a bad idea right now.”

I wasn’t about to argue with that logic. I had wanted a Chocobo my entire life. They were second only to my vast love of dogs, that I had no doubt inherited from my mother. We crept up to the small enclosure and my heart almost couldn’t take it as I peered inside. They looked so lonely curled up against one another like that. Cold, motherless, unwanted. The runt of the litter, the pink one, looked very sick. She was even smaller than the last time I’d seen her, and I wondered if they were even bothering to waste milk on a chick they didn’t expect to live. I leaned forward and very gently scooped her little body into my hand. She was freezing.

“Oh, Julie.” Vivi clucked her tongue sadly and shook her head. “Maybe take one of the boys. That one ain’t doing so hot. She isn’t expected to survive the week, Daddy is gonna take her out back and put her down. It’s what’s merciful.”

Merciful? Anger flashed through me like lightening and I tucked the small bird closer to my chest. Uncle Seifer would do no such thing. No one was shooting a baby who was clinging to life as best she could and calling it mercy. The Chicobo kweh’ed pathetically in my arms and shivered as I tugged my shirt off over my head. Dad sputtered, as if he was going to scold me for stripping, but I didn’t pay him any mind. I coiled the fabric around the bird and rocked her in my arms as she made herself comfortable. “No. She’s going to be just fine. Her name is…” I thought for a moment before slapping a hard frown across my face. “Her name is Mercy.”

“I think that’s beautiful, sweetheart.” Mom said softly. “But she’s…she’s going to need a lot of love to pull her through this.” I knew that was a word of caution, that no matter how hard I tried, the Chicobo might die anyway. I didn’t care. I was going to do anything in my power to give her the fighting chance that she deserved. I owed that to us both.

“We’re the same, then.” I whispered. If I would be okay, then so would she. I’d decided it. Dad looked as if he were going to burst into tears and he pressed a small kiss to the top of my head before shrugging out of his jacket and wrapping it around my bare shoulders. What we would do when she got bigger was a tomorrow problem. For right now she was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, and I fully intended to keep her in my room, in my bed, where she’d be safe and warm. “Can we take her home now?”

Dad nodded. “Of course. Let’s get you both out of the cold.” Mom asked Vivi to thank Sasuke for her and Tatsuki took the reins to wheel me back to the car while my parents exchanged small talk with my cousin. It had been a long time since we had seen her, and I felt bad about not joining in on the conversation, but it the temperature was only dropping, and I needed to get Mercy into a warm environment.

“Thank you for asking them to take me here before we headed home. That was sweet of you.” Tatsuki had looked out for my best interests his entire life, and I had never once thanked him. That needed to change. I wanted him to know how grateful I was that he had always shown me such kindness. He was the best friend I could have ever asked for. He always had been. “I…” I wanted to say it so badly. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but the words were stuck in my throat.

“I know.” He whispered, reaching to grab hold of my hand as we finally approached the car. His skin was so soft against mine and it was comforting to feel his fingers rub soothing circles into my palm. “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to be happy, and I thought this might help.” I could hear the content smile in his voice. “Are you? H-Happy, I mean?”

I wiped a few stray tears from my cheeks and squeezed his fingers. I felt like an idiot. I didn’t know why I was crying. I had done enough of that over the course of the last several days of my life. “I’m very happy.” I affirmed, petting Mercy’s downy feathers with my free hand as she wriggled in my lap.

“Good.” He opened the car door for me and scooped me into his arms as if I were weightless. “Then I’m doing something right.”


	19. Chapter 19

A few weeks passed by uneventfully. I was stuck in the house, which I hated, but I occupied most of my time with taking care of Mercy. I had never bottle fed a Chicobo before, but she took well to it, and I was seeing improvements in her growth every single day. She and I were laying on my bed one stormy afternoon, around the first week of March. It had been a month since this whole ordeal started, and I was more than ready to go back to Garden. I was smoothing Mercy’s feathers back as we lay there, and she kweh’ed gently as I scratched behind her ears. “Yeah, I know, your belly’s full. You should get some sleep.”

She was alive and kicking, but she still hadn’t grown an awful lot. She was bigger, but just now a healthy weight for a _newborn_ Chicobo. We had a long way to go yet. I wanted her to sleep as much as possible, but she was a squirrely little thing. She pounced on my stomach and dug her little talons into my skin as she rubbed her head affectionately under my chin. I laughed. “Please, don’t hop on my tummy. I’ve been sick as a dog.” I huffed, gingerly pushing my companion off to the side. Luca was rolled over onto her back snoozing peacefully at my side, and Mercy decided to snuggle up on her chest instead since I had snubbed her. “Sorry, kiddo.”

I hadn’t felt well all week, but that was a secret between Mercy, Luca, and I. I didn’t need my parent’s worrying anymore than they already did. My period was late, and I was sure that was all it was. Sometimes PMS was a force to be reckoned with. “What do you two think?” I drawled lazily. “Do dogs and chocobos PMS too?” I knew I was being ridiculous, but they didn’t, and I laughed as I gave both of them some premium belly scratches. Once they were settled down I got up to use the bathroom and I grabbed the small sliver mirror Nana had given me a few Christmas’s ago before I locked the door.

This had become some what of a ritual since I’d been home from the hospital. I was obsessed with checking the wound to the exterior of my vulva. I had prayed and prayed to Yevon that it wasn’t going to scar…but it was looking like that wouldn’t be the case. My skin was bunched where the stitches had been and thick gnarled skin curved into a distinct S and Y. My hair had stopped growing where he had cut me, so now I had a giant brand amid a few pathetic tufts of bush. I looked as disgusting down there as I felt. I poked at it for a few disheartened moments while I did my business before standing to get a look at myself in the bathroom mirror.

Where Mercy was gaining weight, I was losing it rapidly. I didn’t have much of an appetite anymore, though Dad had made it his personal business to see that that changed. It had started with a haircut. Several clumps of my hair were yanked out during the assault, and Dad seemed to think if I had a more positive self-image that I would eat more. He had come home with an armful of beauty magazines the week prior and helped me pick out a new haircut. I ran my fingers through the short blunt ends, still unsure if chin-length was a good look on me. My hair had been well to my waist before. At least I still had my bangs, and no matter how long it would take to adjust to the new length, what Dad said must have had a little merit. It did make me feel lighter, to look like a new person. A person who hadn’t been hurt by someone she trusted.

I glanced down at my forearm and treaded my fingers lightly over the shitty outline of a tulip I had given myself when I was twelve years old. Uncle Zell had given me a tattoo gun of all things that year for my birthday, and no one but Dad would let me practice on them. We both had a poorly drawn matching tulip in the same spot, and I smiled at it. It was a relic from a simpler time. I would have had it covered years ago, if it hadn’t meant something special to my father. He still had his, too. _You should spend more time with him._ I thought to myself. _He’s been your loudest supporter your entire life, and you’re scaring him half to death._

It was decided, then. I was going to march into the kitchen and eat dinner with my father, whether my body wanted to keep it down or not. I walked back out of the bathroom and pressed a kiss to the tip of Mercy’s beak, who had finally fallen asleep now that she’d let herself get still. I trotted down the stairs and smiled brightly at my parents, who were arguing with one another about nothing in particular. I sat my elbows down on the kitchen counter and planted my face in my hands. “Will you cook me something, Daddy?”

My parents dropped their conversation immediately and looked at one another. Excitement seemed to course through the both of them and I was elated to see happiness touch their eyes as my father scrambled to turn the stove on. “Absolutely. What does my bean want?” I was so nauseas. Nothing in the world sounded good, but this was for Dad. I would keep it down for Dad. I smiled again.

“Surprise me.”

He didn’t have to think about it hard. The grin that broke across his expression took years off his face as he pulled a pound of frozen beef from the freezer. “A little birdy told me my daughter mentioned in the hospital that she liked my tacos.” He said smugly. “So, tacos you shall have.” Normally I would have been overjoyed, but I stifled an internal groan. They were delicious, but greasy. I wasn’t sure how well my stomach would fair. _You’ll eat them._ I reminded myself sternly. _Quit wallowing in your trauma._

“That sounds delicious.” I pecked Dad on the cheek and wrapped my arms around him as he slid the log of pink meat from its wrapper. It looked disgusting and I choked back a gag as it flopped into the pan with a wet sizzle. I closed my eyes and nuzzled my face into his back to avoid the sickening image. He chuckled, reaching behind his back with his free hand to tenderly pat my hand.

“You’re being affectionate today.” Dad mused. “I like it.”

I laughed and poked under his arms playfully. People wouldn’t have guessed my father was ticklish by looking at his frosty outer exterior, but oh, he was. He grumbled at me playfully and wiggled as he broke the meat up with his spatula. I regretted the need for the meat to be spread out. The smell of it cooking wafted into my face as he and I continued to annoy one another, and my stomach made a lurch that I just couldn’t hold in. I spun away from my father as quickly as I could, spraying the kitchen in projectile vomit as I did so. My mother paled and bolted toward the downstairs half bath to grab some towels as I continued to empty my stomach contents into the hardwood floor.

“Hey, Jules, baby, look at me. What’s wrong? Why didn’t you say you didn’t feel good?” Dad cooed gently, jerking a glove off to feel my forehead with the back of his hand. “You don’t have a fever…” He took a paper towel from the counter and wiped at my mouth and I shook my head at him.

“I didn’t want you to worry. I’ve been sick to my stomach all week. It’s probably psychosomatic.” Or PMS, I added mentally. It was the only symptom I had apart from tender breasts, and I chalked that up to an impending period, too. I had never been late like this before; my body was freaking out. That was all. “Food hasn’t seemed all that appealing lately. I’m s-sorry…”

Dad kissed my forehead as he continued to wipe down my face. “No, sweetheart, it’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. Let me get you something for your tummy.” He turned the burner down and walked out onto our enclosed back porch to get me a ginger ale from the beverage center we kept out there. We had such a large family, with the Dincht’s always coming over, that our fridge was overflowing ninety percent of the time.

Mom had materialized with the towels in the meantime and she stared at me for a long hard moment before she began to spritz disinfectant. “Baby, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way…but have you missed your period?” I raised an eyebrow at her. How the hell had she known that? My mom was a Sorceress, but that was oracle level spooky. I grimaced.

“Well…yeah. It’s about two and a half weeks late. I figure it’s on its way, though. My boobs are killing me. Why?” That was such an odd question. My mother hadn’t grilled me about the regularity of my period since I’d started it when I was about nine. She didn’t answer me, but I could see in her eyes that something was bad wrong. “Momma?” She hastily threw the towels over the mess I’d made and chewed on her bottom lip as my father returned with the ginger ale.

“Here, sip it, angel, it’ll settle your stomach.” Dad popped the top open, as if I couldn’t do that myself, and handed it to me with a small, worried smile. He rubbed my arms and felt my forehead again, but Mom cleared her throat as she nodded her head toward the porch.

“Squall I need to speak to you for a moment.” Her voice was terse, and I could see tears shining behind her big brown doe eyes. Fear traveled down my spine as I watched my father’s forehead crease. He could see the distress clear as I could, and he followed her just out of earshot. Even so, I could feel Mom’s eyes on me as she whispered whatever her concerns were to my father, who didn’t seem to be having any of it. His arm shot out to side, like it always did when he was angry, and I couldn’t stop the whimper that vibrated throughout my chest. I was causing tension between them. That had always been my biggest fear growing up. The last thing I wanted to do was put a strain on their marriage.

I knelt to finish cleaning my sickness from the floor and I scrubbed quietly for a few moments before I heard my dad shout. “She is _not_ pregnant!” What? Is that what had gotten under her skin? I rolled my eyes. That was ridiculous. I’d been present for both my mother’s other pregnancies, and I was certain I would know if that was what was happening to my body. Mom had fainting spells and chronic fatigue early into her pregnancies, and I hadn’t felt off balance or tired at all. Dad had always told me from a small age that a baby was something that was made between two people whose love was pure. There was nothing pure about what happened to me, no matter whose fault it had been. I was slowly coming to grips with the fact that Soichiro Yoshioka was not a good person, and I was _not_ pregnant with his child.

Mom’s eyes looked like they were going to bug out of her head and Dad wove his arms around her tightly as her lips began to quiver. I was sure he was apologizing for raising his voice. Mom was sensitive, and they were both too passionate for their own good. Dad hated nothing the way he hated making her sad, and I was comforted to know they would never fight bad enough to shatter my mother. He wasn’t capable of it. I wanted to march in there and demand that they talk in front of my face instead of behind my back, but my thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door. I could see a familiar silhouette through the glass, and I cocked my head to the side in curiosity. She almost never visited this time of night. “N-Nana?”


	20. Chapter 20

They were keeping me out of the loop again, and I didn’t a bit appreciate it. Nana had her back to me, long silver hair sweeping the middle of her black dress as her pale old hands fluttered about anxiously. Their speaking was hushed, but I could hear bits and pieces about an urgent breech in a trade agreement and I narrowed my eyes into slits. This was political. Timber was not like the rest of the world in the sense that Timber Garden _was_ the acting military there. We were mercenaries first and foremost, but we were trained to be soldiers as well if and when the occasion called for it. To me, that meant our purpose was intricately interwoven with Timber’s politics, and that made their conversation my business.

I folded my arms across my chest and cleared my throat as I walked back into the kitchen. The deep scowl on my face matched my father’s, and I knew as we locked eyes that he was aware of my feelings on the matter. I was a SeeD. A high ranking one. They couldn’t keep things from me that might be pertinent to future contracts. Nana smiled kindly at me, though the tightness suggested she wished I’d stayed out of it. “Julia. Always wearing your father’s face. Smile a little.”

“I’ll smile when the theatrics stop. I am not made of glass, and I expect to be included when it involves my position at Garden.” There was a sharp, authoritative edge to my voice that reminded me a lot of Dad. I guessed Nana had a point. I looked a lot like my mother, but Dad and I shared so many mannerisms you almost couldn’t see Mom in me when I was working. I don’t know what people expected, everything I knew I learned from him.

Mom sighed. “No one thinks you’re made of glass, sweetie. We just would rather you rest right now. You’ve been through more than most.” I ignored her, my eyes burning into my father’s face like it were made of marshmallow. He fidgeted uncomfortably at the intensity of my gaze and his frown deepened.

“You are my daughter,” He sighed. He sounded so resigned that I almost felt guilty. We had been having a moment earlier, and it had been spoiled at the drop of a hat. The atmosphere was tense where it had been playful, and I resented that it was my doing. I just _had_ to get sick. What even was that? “I know if I was in your position, I would feel the same way. You love what we’ve built at Garden.” He offered a small smile and I returned it.

Dad’s demeanor lightened at little, and unspoken words seemed to float between us. _That’s my girl._ I could see it in his eyes. “I do. If we’ve breeched trade agreements with one of our allies I’d like to assist. Garden is as much my home as this big old house.” Dad shook his head, and it was weird to watch the affection tucked behind his eyes meld with an insurmountable pocket of dread. Our nation had been pretty lucky thus far. We were young compared to the rest of the established countries in Gaia, and we had managed to be fairly well-liked, even in Galbadia. My mother was an excellent leader, whether people gave her credit for it or not.

“I’m not sure it’s that simple, baby.” He gestured to the letter that was sprawled out on our kitchen island. I hadn’t noticed it before, and I stared at Dad for a beat before he nodded that I had permission to access it. “Even if you were back at one hundred percent, I’m not sure that deploying SeeD’s is the answer. This is the kind of summons that could start a war if we don’t handle it appropriately. Which means…” Dad’s words caught in his throat and he clenched his fists as his jaw set hard.

My heart sank. “It means you and Mom have to leave.” I sounded absent even to my own ears, and I could see worry flash across my parent’s faces. Try as hard as I did to seem strong, I didn’t want my mother and father to be away long. They made me feel safe. I gnawed on my bottom lip as my eyes scanned the legal document, which was stamped with a wax seal from the official Elder of the Shumi Village. I can my fingers gingerly over the crusty yellow parchment, eyeing the chiseled red Moomba etched into the mold with curiosity. The very last place I expected Timber to find fault with was Shumi Village. That tribe lived all the way out on Winter Island, just north of Trabia on the eastern continent. It was rare that they ever got involved in the affairs of humans. Generally speaking, the Shumi were a better people than we were. They were kind and they minded their business. What was this about?

Dear President and First Gentleman Leonhart of the former City-State of Timber,

We are writing to inform you of a breach in contract that voids our trade agreements with your burgeoning country. On the agreed upon date of December 24, 2021, we sent crates full of stocked magic to your facility per our usual arrangement. The reciprocate trade of Obel’s sacred flower was not received, and no explanation has been forwarded to our offices. We allowed three months leeway on the account of Timberian religious holidays transpiring in the month of December, but we can no longer ignore our lack of import.

I speak on behalf of all Shumi when I say that we are deeply hurt by Timber’s deception. We do not enter trade with human countries often and we feel we have been taken advantage of. Both addressed parties are summoned to a hearing that will transpire no later than the second week of March. Should you refuse to make an appearance, we will be forced to take action against you and your nation. I do hope Master Laguna is well, for his relation to you is all that currently stays my hand.

Kindest Regards,

Elder Marluxia

I swallowed hard and shook my head several times in an attempt at understanding a word of what I’d read. What was this about magic and flowers? “I…I don’t…” I searched my father’s eyes for any indication that he knew what was happening, but his expression was blank. It frightened me. The last time Timber had been involved in a war, I hardly saw my father for five years. It had technically been the Third Sorceress War, though no one dared call it that. They slapped the “Esthar-Trabian War” title on it in an attempt at lessening tensions between the Sorceresses and the newfound freedom my mother had awarded them. “Daddy please…not another war, I can’t—”

The desperation in my voice cut through him like a knife, and I almost wished I hadn’t said anything. He flinched a little and reached across the island to squeeze my hand. “There will be no war. If you can be brave for me for just a few days…and if you can find it in your heart to forgive me for having to go, your mother and I will make this disappear. The Shumi are not unreasonable people.” He was asking for my permission to leave. I didn’t want to give it, but the alternative was too much for me to bear. I nodded.

“There is a lot more to this than you’d understand on a SeeD level, Julie.” Mom interjected. “These are the kind of issues that come across my desk as President, it comes with the territory.” She was quiet for a long moment before she continued. The pregnant pause was uncomfortable, and her fingers tugged nervously on Griever as she spoke. “The Yuna flower, the one that grows at the base of Obel? It’s sacred to the Moomba. The Shumi use it in their rituals and I’ve heard it even helps the evolution process along. They take it very seriously. We important that good to them in exchange for stocks on strong magics.”

Dad nodded. “The climate in Timber is relatively warm year-round. Not the way it is in Balamb, we experience all four seasons, but our plants are typically evergreen. But this winter…” Dad trailed off and the scowl that drooped at the corners of his mouth twisted slightly. I knew that expression. It was guilt. Dad was the reason we needed to import magic from other regions of the world. After realizing how his life changed when he stopped junctioning, Dad decided to mandate that Timber Garden do away with its entire usage of Guardian Forces because their affect on the human mind was dangerous.

I agreed with him. I had no desire to forget my entire childhood the way he had, though I wouldn’t have been in danger of that as a Sorceress. There was no need for me to junction what was freely flowing through my veins. That said, the new mandate had created a new need. Kazane Yoshioka was our resident engineer at Garden, she was incredibly clever, and had come up with a machine that acted as a replacement for junctions. We called it LOTUS. Limitless One-hundred percent Thorough Umbrella Storage. It was a device that enabled stocking of various types of magic by junctioning them to the device itself instead of to your body. It was compact and covered an “umbrella” of para-magics that once had been exclusive to certain GF’s.

That said, magic in and of itself was not a resource that could be readily scavenged in Timber. It was drawn from the earth, but not many draw points existed in our country, and the ones that did were not particularly strong magics, like Ultima. It had never occurred to me that we procured our stock from the Shumi, but I supposed it made sense. My sister had been named after the Yuna flowers in Obel. They were beautiful. I could see why the Moomba were smitten.

“It isn’t our fault that this winter was brutal.” I snapped. “They can have a bit of compassion. A lot of our crops died this year and Garden is doing what it can.”

Dad smiled at me. He liked to watch me get passionate about Garden. I think it made him feel like he’d raised an excellent SeeD. It made him proud, and I lived for that. “And I will be the first to bring that to their attention, if you think you’ll be—”

“I’ll be alright, Daddy.” I swore. “You worry about keeping us out of trouble. I’d be less than alright if a full-scale war took you from me permanently.” My tone was solemn, and Dad’s eyes softened as he gave my fingers another firm squeeze.

“Not a damn thing in this world could ever take me from you permanently. Nothing.”

Mom looked like she was going to cry. She and I didn’t do well with distance, we never had. Any time the two of us had to be apart for longer than a few hours it was like we had severed limbs. Mom had been a constant in my life. She was never gone from my side if she could help it, and I didn’t like her being anywhere I couldn’t see her. It was part of what made SeeD missions difficult for me. Nana seemed to sense the unrest that vibrated between the two of us and she laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Don’t you worry. I can stay for a few days while you’re gone. I won’t let anything happen to my granddaughter, and it’ll keep her from having to worry herself to death watching Yuna.”

I hadn’t even thought about that. Rosie was going to need a babysitter, and I didn’t mind to do it, but I did have my hands full with Mercy at the moment. That and…a potential pregnancy to deal with. I still didn’t believe that was even possible, but now that the seed had been planted in my mind, I wanted to be sure. It wasn’t something I felt comfortable asking of my grandmother, and I bit my lip as the feelings I had for Tatsuki fluttered around in my belly. He would help me. I was sure of it. “I’d…like that, Nana.”


	21. Chapter 21

*Squall’s POV*

I hated being away from my daughter. I loved all three of my children as much as any SeeD was capable of loving their family. But my firstborn and I had a bond that was deeper than anything I ever thought I’d have. Rinoa had been my crash course in love. I opened my heart for the first time when I gave in to my feelings for her, and I loved her with a ferocity that had kept me alive those long twenty plus years. Our first child was important to me in a way that nothing else ever could be. It had taken every ounce of strength I had to send me packing to Winter Island, and I was in a particularly sour mood as train turbulence rattled my brain late into the afternoon.

Rinoa was at my side. That was the only thing that made any of it bearable. She had always been an emotional anchor. Her legs were tucked beneath her and she was reading some silly romance novel to pass the time. The plan was to take the train as far as the Horizon Bridge and then ask Balamb Garden for assistance in making it the rest of the way by airship. I didn’t want our own Garden to be mobile for this type of business. The less questions were asked about the state of our affairs in Winter Island, the better off we would be. Rinoa leaned her head against my shoulder and I wrapped an arm lazily around her shoulders. It was an automatic response after all this time. Our souls were like magnets. If she moved, I moved with her.

“Noa,” I finally asked, choking back the bile that rose in the back of my throat. I was uncomfortable with the coming conversation, but it was one we needed to have. “Do you really think Julia is pregnant?” We had our own car in the train, but it had been Felicia’s job as Rinoa’s advisor and ambassador to accompany us. Her dark complexion paled considerably at what my question implied for her own family, and she quietly excused herself to feed Mizuki in another car. I felt bad, I hadn’t wanted her to leave, but I understood her reasoning. I was surprised she could even stand to sit with me at all after what I’d done to her husband. Guilt roiled in my belly, but I didn’t have time to contemplate it too long as my wife spoke.

“Squall, I need you to look at me.” I didn’t like the sound of that, but I did as I was told. Rinoa looked beautiful, always, but there was something about the way she looked in that light pink duster I’d given her for her birthday that warmed me. I had married a woman so far out of my league I had to wonder what I’d ever done in my miserable life to deserve her. I tucked a loose strand of silken black hair behind her ears and nodded, signaling that she had my full attention. “I don’t think she’s pregnant.” She said softly. “I know she’s pregnant. I’m her mother.”

I failed to see how simply being her mother told her that our child was carrying new life inside of her. I tried not to sound angry, swallowing the mild irritation that rose in my chest. “And how do you figure that?” Rinoa was very quiet for a long beat, and I hated the fear that was etched into her sweet face. I was supposed to be her protector. She wasn’t supposed to be afraid of anything. Ever.

“If I tell you something…will you promise not to be mad?” She whispered.

That chilled me to my core. Rinoa was acting like a frightened child, and that wasn’t something that happened often anymore. When I’d first met her, she was terrified to fight, though her soul seemed desperate to make a difference. She’d matured into a force of nature, and the very idea of her being afraid of something she thought I couldn’t handle deeply bothered me. _Let me protect you._ I thought. _Let me take care of you._ I was desperate to be a good husband. A good Knight. “Noa, you know you can tell me anything.”

She nodded. “I know that. I just,” Rinoa took a deep breath. “You’re my Knight. I don’t want you to worry yourself to death over me. Not when Julia is the one who needs you most right now. You’re her Knight too.”

I pressed a tender kiss to her temple and immediately shrugged out of my coat as I felt her tremble beneath my touch. I wrapped it around her arms and tried my hardest to smile. “I am more than capable of protecting you both.” I meant that with everything that I was, and there was something deep inside of me that needed validation that Rinoa saw me as the hero I thought I was. _Her_ hero. I had built my whole identity around it.

Rinoa grinned and I was glad to see it. Her lips melted against my own and she gripped my hands as hard as she physically could. “I know you can. You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known. Please don’t think I’m doubting that.” _That_ was what I’d wanted to hear, and I practically vibrated affection as I muttered against the plush of her lips.

“Then tell me what’s wrong, baby.”

She sighed. “I think my powers have gotten stronger. I hadn’t noticed it before but I…I can feel magic pulsing inside our daughter that isn’t hers. It’s so very small, but its there. Julia’s magic is familiar. I passed it to her, its part of me. I feel that same magic at her core, but it is attached to a different energy. I don’t…I don’t know how to explain it. I had written it off until she told us that she was late—” Rinoa choked on her words and I could feel the heave of tears before they poured. I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her gently, though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly relieved.

“Rinoa, listen to me, that could be anything. You’re her mother, of course you’re going to hyper fixate on any changes going on with her body right now. You’re worried about her. That’s probably nothing.” I reasoned, pulling her body tighter against mine. I wanted to chuckle. She’d gotten herself all worked up over something that I didn’t think was a big deal. There was a lot about being a Sorceress that I’d never understand from the outside, but I had lived with two of them over half my life at that point. I was sure I knew more than most. “Your powers couldn’t have evolved if you haven’t taken on another Sorceress’s power. Have you taken in new power and not told me?”

Rinoa sniffled and shook her head no. I kissed her again and rested my forehead against her own. “See? Then everything is okay. No new powers, no phantom pregnancies, just a worried mother who needs a little R&R.” I promised gently. “Tell you what. Why don’t we get off the train for a little while and go get some dinner, just the two of us. You might feel a little better. I’m sure Felicia would like to go out and have a mental break, too. I’ll give her some Gil to do whatever she wants with.”

I was sure Felicia didn’t need any Gil, she was well paid for what she did, but I wanted to do it anyway. I had to make this whole ordeal up to her somehow. I hated having to ask her to step away from her family when she’d brought a new baby home just a few weeks ago.

“But the Shumi—”

I tugged on Rinoa’s cute fluffy arm warmers, moving them up a little so they’d cover the goosebumps she was getting on her upper arm. “They can wait just a little longer. They’ve given us the week.” She knew I was right and she took a deep breath to steady herself before managing one of her bright Noa smiles at me. The ones that could have melted all of Trabia had they wanted.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She looked up at me from underneath her eyelashes and I groaned internally. She had no right looking at me like I was everything in the world to her. She had no idea the things it did to my heart. I loved her so much.

I thought it was the other way around. I didn’t know what _I_ would do without _her_ , but it made me feel needed regardless and I hugged her tight against my chest. “I’ll go speak to the conductor.” I left her swaddled in my coat and walked into the hallway to ask if anyone could make a brief stop. The route we were taking would take us straight through Balamb, and I knew that there was a small town on the outskirts of Timber headed in that direction. We had left Aria North several hours ago, we had to have been close.

Ethyriall was one of our most populous Sorceress cities outside the capitol. It hadn’t been built until after the war and the closing of the border. It was small, but quaint, and existed right on the water that spanned between us and Balamb. Felicia had family in the area, and I was sure they would love to meet the family’s new addition. It was the perfect destination for a brief respite. I could see Felicia rocking her fussy baby in one of the smaller cars and I poked my head in to have a word with her. “Hey, Fee.”

Felicia looked drained. The situation with her stepson was taking more out of her than I had initially realized, and I felt like a dick. I hadn’t taken their feelings into account, I had just reacted. That seemed to be what I did best these days. “I just…I wanted you to know that I didn’t ask what I did to make you uncomfortable, it’s a real concern of ours at the moment. If she is, we’ll let you and Raijin know.” Pain flashed across her face, and I worried that I’d somehow put my foot in my mouth. “I’m really sorry…about your son. And for what I did to Rai. He didn’t deserve it.”

Mizuki let out a small whimper and I had to resist the urge to reach for her. My paternal instincts really never had shut off after my own children outgrew their babyhood. Felicia planted a small kiss to the top of the child’s head and nodded at me. “I appreciate the sentiment, Sir. It’s okay. Soichiro caused you a lot of pain and did unspeakable things to your daughter.” Her voice was tight as she spoke and she let out an airy laugh that didn’t touch her troubled eyes. “We had hoped it wasn’t true…but then the rape kit came back.”

I wanted to be angry that they’d hoped my daughter to be a liar, but I dismissed the errant emotion as soon as it bubbled beneath my skin. I would have prayed for the same thing, if my son had been accused of something so atrocious. No one wants to believe their own flesh and blood is capable of something like that. “I know you’re worried that we haven’t found him. I’m sure he’s…” I trailed off. As much as I wanted the bastard dead, Felicia had been a good friend to us over the years, and my relationship with her as well as her feelings were important to me. “I’m sure he’s alive. We’ll bring him home. That much I can promise.”

I regretted my words as soon as I’d spoken them. We would bring him home to what…put him to death? Imprison him? That couldn’t have brought her much comfort. She smiled at me graciously in spite of my inability to communicate, and I was grateful. “Thank you for thinking about us, Squall, but we’re okay. We have three beautiful daughters to love on. You just focus on making sure that beautiful daughter of your own gets the healing she needs.”


	22. Chapter 22

Ethyriall’s station was a little eerie from the lack of visitors, but the city in and of itself sparkled greater than Deling had ever dreamed. Rinoa and I both had been in a quiet awe as we walked the cramped and busy streets. It was times like this that I missed Angelo. She would have loved the myriad of winding streets and people giving her attention. Luca was an alright animal, Julia loved her, but no dog could replace Angelo to me. An orange film had enveloped the sky as the sun began to set and my wife and I dodged several members of the paparazzi as we struggled to get in line for what appeared to be a happening restaurant.

It had been a while since Rinoa and I had had a date night. I almost felt like a teenager again, and I was nervous for a reason I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I chalked it up to it being the crowds of people or the flashing cameras, but really, I was just excited to spend time with my wife outside of our hometown. With our lives being so public we often opted for at home cooking or takeout. I hadn’t been in a sit-down restaurant in longer than I could remember. The sapphire’s encrusted on the side of her Griever ring glittered under the light of the chandelier, and chuckled to myself as I thought back to the night I’d asked her to marry me.

I still had a hard time believing I had convinced myself at the grand old age of eighteen to get married. I had come a long way in just one short year from the man I’d been without Rinoa in my life. I had wanted to protect her so fiercely, and I was convinced there was no better way to do that than to tie myself to her completely. I wasn’t sure my logic had been too sound, but I was more than thankful to have done it. Rinoa Heartilly was the best thing that had ever happened to me…and Julia…she was our angel.

“You’re thinking awfully hard about something.” Rinoa teased, placing her hand up on her forehead and mimicking me. I couldn’t even be angry about it, she already seemed to be in lighter spirits. We were being seated finally, and a waitress handed us a pair of oversized menus before prancing off with our drink orders.

“I’m not over thinking…I’m just…thinking.” I mused.

Rinoa put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. “Oh, excuse me, you were _regular_ thinking. It was hard to tell.” She was smirking at me and her brown eyes sparkled in a way that I had missed so much. I frowned at her, but it was mostly playful. I lifted my menu and bonked her lightly in the head with it.

“There. Regular think about that.”

Rinoa acted like she was dying that I had dare to tap her forehead with a foreign object and I couldn’t keep a grin from curling at the corner of my mouth. I felt her small feet slip from her boots and wiggle their way into my lap. I clenched my thighs around them absentmindedly, to keep them warm, and it barely registered at the time that it probably wasn’t appropriate outside the house. I didn’t care, it was the little things. All the little ways our bodies showed affection to one another without an ounce of forward thought. It was one of my favorite things about married life. “What do I want to eat?”

Ah, the age-old question. I smirked. Rinoa had never known what she wanted to eat a day in her life. When we first started seeing one another the summer of ’99, I had been perplexed by the question. How was I supposed to know what she wanted to eat? I was already begrudgingly leading Balamb Garden’s SeeD’s, I didn’t know I was going to have to lead my girlfriend through dinner, too. As the years passed, however, the question had gotten easier and easier to answer. Rinoa was a creature of habit, she didn’t really like to try new things, so I knew from glancing at a menu after a while what she would and would not eat. She just had trouble being decisive. “You want a bowl of chili and a pink lemonade.”

I could see the flirtation in her eyes as she contemplated my answer and she propped her chin up with her hands as she let out a content sigh. “Would it be as good as Quisty and Zell’s, though?” I rolled my eyes at her, but to tell the truth, the Dincht’s _did_ make an excellent chili. Zell was a heavy meat eater, and Quistis had adapted to cook accordingly.

“Okay, if not the chili, then you want the Cajun chicken pasta, hold the chicken.” Rinoa loved chicken, but it had to be cooked just right or she wouldn’t eat it. If it was in pasta it was probably grilled, and I knew she’d turn her nose up at it.

Rinoa thought for all of two seconds before she reached across the table and threaded her fingers through my own. “Nope! I want the chili.” I rolled my eyes again. What had been the point in questioning me the first time if she already knew that was what she wanted? I chuckled and shook my head in mock exasperation.

“What am I going to do with you?” I pulled her fingers to my lips and nibbled on them gently, eliciting a coy giggle from my wife.

She jerked her fingers away, as if she were afraid the paparazzi would see. That was probably smart. “Just love me.”

“I already do. So much.” I stated quietly. I had resigned myself long ago to the fact that I wasn’t the same kid anymore who had been unfriendly and cold. I still could be, when I wanted, mostly to the outside world. But I had reached a point in my life where I found it pointless to deny myself the simple pleasures of life out of fear of it being ripped away. The thought of purposefully not enjoying the time with Rinoa that I’d been blessed with was far more painful. I clung to every ounce of love she had brought into my life. When the time came for it to be taken away, and it would, I would gladly go with her.

I must have been staring at her because she snorted and waved a hand in front of my face. “I love you too, weirdo. Where did you go?” I didn’t really have an answer to that question, so I was glad when the waitress returned to take our order. I’d been so caught up in what Rinoa was going to eat that I hadn’t really looked for myself, so I ordered the same thing. It had at least given me a moment to piece together a comeback.

“I went to the Lunar Base to save a damsel.” I quipped as I handed the waitress back our menu’s and Rinoa stuck her tongue out at me. She looked so much like Julia when she did that and a pang of sadness pricked my heart. I missed our children. Right about now Yuna-Rose would be going down for bed and I’d be listening from the doorway as Noa sang her to sleep.

“I am _not_ a damsel. I’ve taken down plenty grown men in my day.” Well that was true, I had to give her that. Rinoa was the most powerful Sorceress I’d ever known. She had both Matron and Adel’s powers running through her veins. I had seen her twist necks 360 degrees with only her mind. She batted her dark lashes against her cheeks and smiled. “Maybe I just like to make you work for it.” Rinoa purred.

Her tone of voice was my undoing and I felt heat rush to my face. “Is that so?” I was suddenly hyper aware of her feet in my lap and I couldn’t help the playfulness that coated my insides. It was like we were in our own universe in that moment, safe from the horrors that were going on in the background of our daily life. I wanted to make love to her. I checked my watch and grabbed for my lemonade in an attempt to wet what was now a desert. I was parched, but not because I was thirsty. “Dinner was supposed to be romantic.”

“I’m feeling pretty romantic.” _Oh, c’mon, Noa, you know what I meant._ I groaned internally. There was a fine line between romance and that other thing. It did make me happy that forty years old had done very little to dampen our desire for one another. I didn’t feel forty. Rinoa made me feel like I hadn’t aged a day since the moment I’d fallen for her.

I opened my mouth to retort, but the food came. It looked delicious and I couldn’t help the happiness that spread throughout my body as I watched Rinoa’s expression change. Her eyes were wide as dinner plates as she examined her meal, which was piping hot and blowing steam back in her face. The chili looked very creamy and there was a brilliant white dollop of sour cream in the middle. Rinoa was addicted to sour cream, in spite of her insistence that it went straight to her ass. She spooned some into her mouth without bothering to mix it, and a small moan escaped her lips. “Squall…”

Goddamn it. She hadn’t done that on purpose, but I felt myself twitch as I watched her in complete abandon. I was happy to see bliss spread across her tired features and I prayed that she’d get some sleep tonight. Rinoa was my wife, I hated it when she was upset. I needed to take better care of her, with everything that was going on. I crammed a spoonful into my mouth to see what I was missing, and I had to admit that it was pretty good. It was spicy and I choked a little as I downed another large sip of my lemonade. “Hot.” I choked.

“So are you.” She rubbed her foot along the inside of my thigh, and I laughed as I chewed on a rogue hunk of cheese that had made its way into my mouth. She was trying to start something she couldn’t finish, and I dusted my fingers gingerly over her slender ankle.

“If you don’t knock it off, we are going to have a repeat of what happened after Julie was born.” I knew she knew exactly what I was referring to when she sputtered bits of chili back into her bowl, and I wiggled my eyebrows at her. I had been a little reckless after the birth of our firstborn. The doctor had been insistent that we wait the recommended six-week period after childbirth to have sex, but I had been about to deploy to Trabia. I regretted it later, I could have seriously hurt her, but in the moment she and I had desperately enjoyed our pounding in the cramped train bathroom on our way to the station.

Rinoa was stunned for a moment, but only for a moment. There was mischief dancing behind her eyes as she recalled the memory and I was only getting more uncomfortable by the minute. “I think you’ll find me a little tighter now.” It had been five years since the birth of our last child, and Rinoa always snapped perfectly back into place. I wasn’t sure if all women were like that or if we were just lucky, but we didn’t have any issues at all having a good time after our children came. It was quite the opposite. I had been attracted to Rinoa from the beginning, but post Julia? Rinoa’s body was plump in all my favorite areas and it had managed to stay that way.

“Yeah? Well I think you’ll have to show me.” I growled, picking her hand up and bringing it back to my mouth to kiss.

Rinoa giggled. “To go box?”

I slapped a handful of Gil down on the table and waved the waitress back over. There was an excitement coursing through me I hadn’t felt in a long time and I smiled brightly at my wife. “We’ll be needing the check.” 


	23. Chapter 23

*Julia’s POV*

My parents had been gone a few short hours when Autumn finally decided to show her face. I had been a little upset with her. I knew Soichiro was her twin brother, so she was bound to be having a hard time, but she was also my best friend. Why had it taken her a month to come and visit me after she had found me in a such an awful state? Maybe she was traumatized, I supposed, but there was something that felt inherently wrong about it. She had almost been in a daze the night it happened. She’d just…mechanically cleaned the blood off the carpet and called the police. I didn’t understand.

I found my bitter mood to be perfectly understandable, though you would have thought I had shot her when I first opened the door. Autumn looked like hell. Her expression was muddled with guilt and it looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in several days. Her appearance was disheveled at best. Her short black bob was in knots and the dainty purple dress that clung to her slender frame was stained in several places. It almost made _me_ feel guilty. It wasn’t like Autumn at all.

I thought back to the last time she and I had truly felt close, before I had left for the mission in Dollet. We had just gotten back from sparring in the training center, and even then, Autumn Yoshioka looked drop dead gorgeous. I didn’t remember much of her mother, but Aunt Selphie had told me the twins looked exactly like her sister. Her obsidian bob never had a hair out of place, and she reeked of hair spray. She had been wearing a tight white crop top and shorts with knee-length socks and if I hadn’t known better, I’d have assumed she hadn’t broken a sweat.

I wasn’t quite so graceful. My hair was long at the time, and it was drenched from my scalp to my back with sweat. I was wearing a regular pink tank top and a pair of my moms’ biker shorts, nothing so glamorous. I didn’t think beauty was really all that important while I was focused on my gunblade. Dad had entrusted the Lion Heart to me, and by Yevon I was determined to be proficient with it as was physically possible. Autumn had looked me up and down with her nose turned up. “My mother didn’t transfer her power to you so you could look like _that_. You’re a Sorceress, can’t you just…magic the sweat away?”

I rolled my eyes at her. It didn’t work that way, and I didn’t understand why she wasn’t also a Sorceress. My mother had passed the power to me in the womb completely by accident, but I supposed maybe Xu hadn’t always been a Sorceress. I didn’t dare ask, it was a bit of a sore subject with the twins, and I was surprised that she had even brought it up. “What is your excuse?” I asked instead, staring at her perfection incredulously. Autumn wielded nunchaku, I would have thought she’d have come out of the sparing ring as grimy as I had.

She looked smug and pressed a finger firmly against her lips. “Don’t tell your dad. All the monsters in there? Piece of cake when you’re not junctioning with a piece of shit LOTUS. I let Diablos eat most of my damage.” She admitted.

My stomach dropped. If she were going to break the rules, why did she have to tell me about it? I didn’t like keeping secrets from my father, but I wasn’t a snitch either. “You could get expelled!” I hissed, lightly poking the tip of my gunblade into her side.

Autumn snorted and smacked my weapon away from her skin. “Only if the headmaster’s girl scout of a daughter rats me out.” She accused, smirking at me playfully as she pranced toward the exit of the training center. “My best friend in all the world wouldn’t do that now, wouldn’t she?”

Those words echoed in my mind as I snapped back to the present and it was hard for me to hold on to the ounce of guilt that had touched my stomach. What kind of best friend had she been the last few weeks? I felt sick and my hands fluttered to my abdomen as I continued to stare her down. “What do you want?”

“Aren’t you going to ask me inside?”

“What do you want?” I repeated stiltedly. I didn’t appreciate that she decided to show up only after my parents had left for the week. She knew good and well my father wouldn’t have let her within spitting distance of this house. Autumn eyed the way I was holding myself curiously and she blinked back her tears as she cocked her head to the side.

“What, are you pregnant or something?” She joked. That hit closer to home than she was aware, and I slammed the door in her face. “J-Julie?! Wait! I’m sorry…we used to be able to joke around with one another, y’know?” _Yeah well it wasn’t fucking funny._ I thought angrily, pacing in front of the door for several moments before I felt a pair of large hands graze the back of my shoulders.

Long soft obsidian hair fell forward and tickled my arms and I knew it was my brother behind me. Noctis pressed a clove of garlic into the palm of my hand and gave me a gentle squeeze. “For the vampire.” He whispered gently. “People like that only exist to suck the energy out of you, Sis. Let her stand out there.” There weren’t enough words in the world that could adequately describe how much I loved my little brother. I might not have wanted to share my parents in the beginning, but he and I were close the moment I had held him the first time in the hospital. He was my idiot, and no one else was allowed to say so but me.

“You don’t think I’m being too hard on her?”

I turned to look at Noctis, stifling a small laugh as I drank in his attire. The boy had squeezed himself into a ripped pair of my jeans and was wearing an oversized black Nirvana sweater. He was the most interesting kid I had ever met in my life. His face was a blend of my father and grandfather, and he tucked the point of his chin into my hair as he pulled me against his lanky chest. “You’re not being too hard on anyone. You’ve been hurt deeply, and you don’t owe anyone a goddamn thing.”

I coiled my arms around his neck and squeezed him with everything that I had. “I love you, Nocty.” Noctis wasn’t often overly affectionate. There was a part of me that had always been scared he resented me, because Dad and I were close in a way that the two of them just weren’t. That being said, he and Mom were closer than she and I were, and I hoped that was enough to balance it out. For once he didn’t seem to mind the cuddles and he held me there for a long moment.

“Even though I think there are crabs in the crabapple tree?” He joked with a small smirk, pulling back a little in an attempt at lightening the mood. I wished Noctis was kidding about that last part, but he wasn’t. I had never had a serious conversation with my parents about what might be wrong with Noctis, but he was slower than average. Combine a general lack of intelligence with his quirky personality and the kid came up with some whacky ideas about the world. He was lucky it was endearing.

I rolled my eyes. He knew I hated arguing with him about the crabapple tree, but I also really appreciated what he was trying to do. I sighed. “Yes, even though you think there are real crabs in the crabapple tree. Unironically.” I pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he winked at me before glaring holes into the antique mahogany of our front door. He rummaged around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a small vial of clear liquid.

“Papa says demons can’t come in the house unless you invite them in, and you’re not invited!” He called through the door, latching the deadbolt before throwing the vial at the wood and soaking it. I could hear Autumn sigh in annoyance, even from outside, and I had to admit it was lightening my spirits, if only slightly. I wasn’t even going to ask where my brother got his hands on holy water. I knew already. Our grandfather was such an enabler.

“Listen,” Autumn began softly. “I understand if it’s too hard to see me right now. But I want you to know that I’m right here, whenever you’re ready. I…brought you a card. I’ll leave it on the porch. Love ya, y’know?” I almost wanted to stop her from going as I heard her heels clank down our steps, but I didn’t. I _did_ need time, whether I had the right to be angry with her or not.

Noctis was mocking her and I shot him a look, though he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. His body language relaxed as he peeked out the window to find her gone and he shot me a boyish grin as he gestured behind him toward his bedroom. “Now that I banished the vampire, do you want to play dungeons and dragons with me and Nettie? Tatsuki can join too.” Noctis was trying so hard to be supportive of me, there was no way in hell I could have refused.

“I love to! Let me get the mail and I’ll be right there.” I promised. Noctis seemed pleased with that and he wandered off as I unlocked the door and poked my head out. I waited a few moments to make sure Autumn really had left before I knelt to pick up what she’d left for me. There was a brightly colored card poking out of a rolled-up newspaper and I shut the door behind me as I tugged it loose from its trappings. I wanted to know what the card said, but I paused as the bold print of the newspaper caught my eye.

‘FIRST FAMILY SCANDAL: PRESIDENT LEONHART’S YOUNG DAUGHTER CAUGHT IN PHONY SEXUAL ASSAULT’ was scrawled across the top of the thin paper and it took all the strength in my body not to blow chunks all down the side of the living room wall. _If there is a little bean in there, I really need you to calm down, okay?_ I thought, cupping my flat stomach as I gagged hard. I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t run right that moment. I bolted to the bathroom and had barely gotten the door shut before I sprayed the toilet in vomit.

There was a rapping on the door and I clutched the newspaper to my chest as another round of puke shot from my body. “P-Please go away…I’ll be there in a minute, Noctis.”

“It’s Nana.” Her voice was like butter it was so soft, and I knew she probably suspected what my mother did. There was a lot about that night that I had forced from my mind, and whether or not he had worn a condom was one of them. Somehow I doubted it, but I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t understand how people in my own country, people who I knew saw me on a day to day basis, living as lose as I did to the Timber Maniacs building, could slander me like that. They had no idea what I had been through.

My grandmother wrestled the door open and put a hand on the small of my back as she gently tore the newspaper from my firm grasp. I knew she had already seen it, because she didn’t even have to ask why I was crying. “Julia, don’t you listen to them. I don’t want you reading this garbage. Nothing they said in that article is worth your time.” She grabbed a washcloth from the tub and ran it under warm water for a moment before gingerly bending to wipe my face. “You know what helped my stomach when I was pregnant with your aunt? Peppermint.” I groaned. _Oh, Nana. Not you too._ She could have kept her advice to herself, well intentioned or otherwise. I grimaced and let out a small huff.

“I don’t want any peppermint. I want to see Tatsuki.”


	24. Chapter 24

I was scrolling through my phone between turns during D&D, reading though that trash news publication on the internet since Nana had confiscated the paper. We were waiting for Tatsuki to show up, I had texted him and asked him to stop by after going to the store for me. There was something I needed to know, and I couldn’t wait any longer. My stomach had completely been emptied and now I was starving. I almost felt compelled to pop the whole clove of garlic Noctis had given me in my mouth. It smelled so heavenly for reasons I couldn’t really explain.

I was rubbing the garlic clove on my lips, hesitating to eat it when Noctis impatiently snapped his fingers at me. “Hey! Don’t you dare eat that, that’s your protection! Roll a death saving throw, missy.” A death saving throw? Already? I felt guilty that I hadn’t been paying attention to their game or what was happening to my character. It was just really bothering me that some low life journalist over in the Maniacs building thought they had it all figured out.

The article claimed that I must have faked my assault for attention to take the heat off my father for the brewing trouble with the Shumi. I wasn’t sure how people even knew we had breached our trade agreement unless someone in the village had spoken with the press. Mom and Dad had been _so careful_ to not take the entire facility to Winter Island to avoid anything leaking. Anger was boiling beneath my skin, but I bit it back and thrust my d20 at the board. It was a nat one, because of course it was.

Noctis wrung his hands gleefully and Garnet gasped as she clasped her hands over her mouth. Her shiny blonde curls bounced as she shook her head back and forth, begging her boyfriend not to kill me. I had forgotten how seriously the two of them took the game, and it almost dampened the fire that was eating me alive inside. Almost. “That’s what you get for provoking Mr. Tristian’s bees, sister. You have been stung to death. What does the party do?”

Garnet looked incredibly nervous for a moment and she fiddled with the light blue straps of her overalls. “I don’t know that we should make a decision until T gets here, what if Julia comes back as something spooky!” Clearly something spooky is what my brother had in mind, the expression on his face was alight with mischief. My character was currently an elven ranger, but I had a gut feeling that was about to change.

“Noctis, if I come back as a hideous creature, I will eat this garlic.” I warned, praying with all that I was that he wouldn’t heed the threat. I wanted to eat the clove _so_ badly. _Note to self, baby likes garlic and hates beef._ The intrusive thought crossed my mind before I even realized what I was resigning myself to, and that made me even angrier. Even if I _was_ pregnant, why was I letting myself think about it like it was something I was interested in pursuing? It wasn’t. I didn’t want any part of Soichiro Yoshioka living inside of me. _But what if it’s different?_

“You cannot eat the garlic!” Brother whined, saving me from my mental anguish. I was the only person I knew that could manage to talk themselves into circular arguments. “I want you to be safe.” His tone was earnest, and it actually sort of broke my heart. In his mind, he really did think he was protecting me. There was no way I could hurt him by popping it in my mouth. Damn it.

I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully I didn’t have to say anything as Nana yelled down the hallway that Tatsuki was in the driveway. Garnet and Noctis both lit up, and it made me happy to know that they liked him. I wanted Tatsuki to be a part of our family; no one had ever liked Soichiro. I needed this to be different. All thought of breath left my lungs as he rounded the corner, and the shy smile that tugged at his lips stopped my heart.

Tatsuki was so handsome. He was still wearing his Garden uniform and he exposed the tight white t-shirt he had on underneath as he shrugged out of his suit jacket. Tatsuki was lean, but well-built, and I admired the soft ripple of muscle that lay just beneath the fabrics surface. He caught me staring and I quickly turned my gaze to the gameboard. Noctis was excitedly babbling to him about whatever creature he was thinking of turning me in to, but I completely zoned out. Tatsuki had taken his coat off for a reason, and it wasn’t to appear more casual now that he was off work. I knew there was a box of pregnancy tests in one of his pockets and that was all I could think about for the remainder of the game.

A few hours passed, and it seemed apparent that the hag we were fighting was several levels higher than our party. My elf had come back as a half-orc, and that extra strength might have served us well if I hadn’t been a rogue class. We were all just a few hit points away from unconscious, and I was losing interest. The party needed to retreat before we _all_ took a little trip to the underworld. Even Nettie looked a little sleepy and she rubbed at her scarlet eyes as a tiny yawn escaped her lips. My brother put a hand on the small of her back and smiled down at her gently. “Okay, okay. I know an exhausted party when I see one. How about we say the party withdrew back to camp and call it a night?”

Thank Hyne. Tatsuki and I needed to be alone. We were potentially in for a very bad night. “Thank you for letting us play, Noctis. It was fun.” My words seemed to affirm something for my brother, and he beamed at me. He was hovering protectively around Garnet and I could tell her sudden fatigue worried him. The poor girl had been sick her entire life, and my brother tried his hardest to take very good care of her.

“It _was_ fun, wasn’t it? It’s kind of hard to play D&D with only two people so…we should make this a regular thing?” Noctis’s voice was so hopeful. I knew he was kind of lonely. The other kids his age at Garden hadn’t been very kind to him growing up because of how unique he was and how hard he struggled. Garnet was all he had. I looked down at the hand-painted game board and the bag full of pink dice that he had ordered on the off chance that I might want to play with him one day. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse, and I grinned at him.

“I’m down if Tatsuki’s down.” I reached for his hand and my face burned crimson as I felt his fingers slide between my own.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

Noctis had lit up like a Christmas tree. I was happy to be spending more time with him. If anything good had come from the terrible situation I found myself in, it was the extra closeness I was building with my family. I had almost hated to say goodnight to my brother. I enjoyed spending the extra time with him. Tatsuki and I walked hand-in-hand up to my bedroom and Nana called up the stairs that we were to leave the door open and she would be checking on us. I wanted to be annoyed, but after what happened with Soichiro I was more than grateful that she was looking out for me.

Tatsuki couldn’t seem to stop pacing. Beneath the soft twinkle of the fairy lights there was a glow about him that stopped my heart, and I watched him fret for a few moments before he removed the box from his coat pocket with shaky hands. “Are you sure? Surely you couldn’t be—you’re p-perfect.”

I looked down at my feet and tugged anxiously on Papa’s ring as it dangled between my breasts. “Would being pregnant mean that I ceased to be perfect?” I wasn’t accusing him of anything, it was a genuine question, and I prayed he had an answer for it. I was terrified of the possibility that allowing my body to carry that monster’s child meant that I was somehow tainted. No one wanted to buy damaged goods, right? I could tell the line of questioning hurt his feelings, and I regretted opening my mouth. I regretted a lot of things.

“Julia I could never find you less than perfect. Never. I just meant—” He swallowed hard and he pretended there was something in his eyes for a moment as he fought back a wall of tears. “You’re too perfect to have been forced to—I hate what that bastard has done to you. What I _let him_ do to you.” There was a barely contained rage that shook his voice and it took me completely by surprise. I had never seen Tatsuki like that before. His hands were clenched into fists and he trembled slightly as a few tears rolled down his cheeks.

What? He couldn’t be serious. “Tatsuki, look at me.” I said gently, forcing him to look me in the eyes as I took his face in my hands. “Nothing that happened to me is your fault.” I pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand and my throat felt like it was going to swell shut. Tatsuki had been my sun and stars for as long as I could remember. How could he have ever thought so lowly of himself? The soiling of my body was not his burden to bare, he had nothing to feel guilty about. “How could you ever think that?”

The expression on his face was killing me. I couldn’t stand to see the anguish burning in those chocolate eyes or the way his lips were twisting as a sob threatened to break loose from his chest. I wanted to take all that pain inside my own body and shelter him from it, and I hated myself for being unable to do so. Was this how Dad felt about Mom? _This man is the love of your life._ I thought, and the realization rocked me to my core. What hurt the most was that he wasn’t capable of answering my question. He shrugged and pressed a broken kiss to the center of my forehead. “Go take the tests, sweetheart. I…I want you to know that no matter what happens, you will _always_ be my Jule.”

I swallowed hard and I couldn’t bare to look at him anymore. I took the box from his hands numbly and nausea swirled in my belly as my eyes glared daggers into the back of my bathroom door. I did _not_ want to go in there. I didn’t want any of this to be real. “Maybe go wait outside for me? Or…go for a drive? I think it’ll help. I’ll let you know when to come back.” I wanted him to be able to process the whirlwind of emotions before he got the news. I couldn’t rip his heart out like this.

“If that’s what you want.” He whispered softly. He squeezed me one more time and the longing in his eyes was a knife in my gut as he forced himself to let me go. I sense the hesitation, he didn’t want to leave me. I…I just needed him to clear his head. I needed to know he was going to be okay if I told him…that Soichiro Yoshioka had gotten me pregnant. My heart was beating so wildly in my ears that I didn’t even hear his combat boots on the stairs as he headed to take a drive around the block. I gripped the box so hard it was coming apart in my hands and I prayed to every god in existence that I was about to prove my family wrong. _I’ve always believed in you, Yevon._ I prayed. _I need you to believe in me, too._


	25. Chapter 25

“T,” I wept into the receiver. “I need you to come back. I need you to come back r-right now please.” I didn’t even wait for a response, I couldn’t. I hung the phone up and screamed as I chucked it at the bathroom wall. It clattered into the bathtub and I was sure I’d probably cracked the screen, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I had peed on every stick in the box. All six of them. Every single one of them populated a red plus sign. I was pregnant.

I didn’t understand. I did _not_ love the man who had done this to me, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt now, that there was no way in hell he had ever loved me. How could something as pure and as special as a child be created from an act of hatred? My hands fell to my abdomen and I caressed it gently for a moment. _You’re not…him, right?_ I asked the child mentally. _If I…were to give you to a family that wanted you, you wouldn’t hurt them?_ I didn’t know why I expected a fetus to answer me and I rolled my eyes at myself.

A numbness spread through my chest as I heard my grandmother call from the bottom of the steps. “Julie? I heard a yell, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I was just a little frustrated at a game, Nan, I didn’t mean to startle you.” I called back, sliding into the floor and bringing my knees up to my chin. How was I going to tell my parents? Daddy was never going to forgive me. He had given up everything to have me, and here I was going to give him a grandchild that wasn’t made with the kind of love he had always told me was necessary. What if the baby didn’t form right because of the trauma to my body? What if it died because of me? Was that even a bad thing? I couldn’t take the emotions flooding my body and I rocked back and forth for several moments before I received a response.

“Okay, well I’m going to bed baby girl. Let me know if you need anything, I’ll be right across the hall.” I didn’t bother to respond. I couldn’t find my voice, and I felt like if I’d tried to speak it all would have been over. She would have known. I had spent most of my life idolizing my mother. I wanted to have a baby, I wanted to be married, I wanted all these things that my mother had had from such an early age. I was four years older than Mom was when she had me. I was already behind. But this? It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Tatsuki was supposed to have swept me off my feet at the SeeD ball the year we graduated, and this baby was supposed to be _his_.

_Maybe this baby_ would _be his if someone hadn’t asked Soichiro to the ball to make him jealous. Isn’t that right, Julie?_ I hated my own thoughts, and I wished I knew how to shut my entire brain down. I cried against my knees for Yevon only knew how long. It was as if there was a well of ink inside my chest and with each swell of my lungs more tar-like liquid seeped from the cracks. It filled my body, drowning me in my own misery as I struggled to take in air. What was I supposed to do? There was no answer. The scented plug in jammed into the outlet nearest to me squirted its floral concoction into my face and I kicked it off the wall. The plastic top cracked as it toppled onto the carpet, and for whatever reason it was therapeutic to watch the crimson liquid it held inside spill onto my dingey old bathmat. I needed to replace it anyway.

I heard a car pull into the driveway and my thoughts scattered. _Tatsuki._ I couldn’t let him see me like that and I struggled to my feet as my stomach threatened to spill for what felt like the thousandth time that day. This baby didn’t seem to want either of us to live long, the rate we were going. We were going to starve to death. A weird pang of worry pricked my spine and I rubbed at my stomach as I started down the stairs to get the door. What if the baby wasn’t anything like its father? I didn’t…I didn’t want it to die. There were endless possibilities running through my mind and I felt like I’d left my body by the time I let Tatsuki back inside the house.

He knocked very softly, and I fell into his arms before he had a moment to speak at all. We almost toppled over but his strong arms held me firmly in place as he backed us into the living room and shut the door behind us. “Juli-B.” It was barely a whisper. He sounded wounded, fragile. “Do you want to sit down? Can I get you some water?”

I chuckled a little through my tears and shook my head. I kind of loved that he had grown fond of my father’s nickname for me over the years. When I was a child it was Juli-Bean, as a play on jellybean, because he thought I looked like a little kidney bean on my mother’s first ultrasound. As I had grown older, he thought it sounded a little childish, but he didn’t want to stop using it altogether, so he shortened it to Juli-B. It was one of my favorites. “Just hold me, please.” I nuzzled my face against the swell of his chest, and I felt his arms tighten around me protectively. I felt warm and safe for the first time since my father had gone, and I wanted him to stay forever.

“Yes ma’am.” He sounded so formal all of a sudden and I let an irritated sigh slip before I could filter it. Tatsuki was always more respectful than was ever necessary, and that had been a large part of the reason I was unsure how to feel about what existed between us for so many years. It was hard to tell if he formal because of who my father was, or formal because he wanted to keep me at arm’s length. He loved me. Clearly he did, or he wouldn’t have been there. His heart was broken for me. I had to remind myself that any old colleague or friend wouldn’t have shattered with my own soul so completely.

I pulled back slightly and wiped my tears on the sleeve of my nightshirt. “On second thought, I could use that water.” Tatsuki looked like a kicked puppy and I flinched. I didn’t want him to think I was angry with him, I just needed a moment. Too many emotions had built up in my system and I was in desperate need of release. I needed Tatsuki to tell me how he felt. I didn’t want to wonder anymore, I wanted to feel secure about at least one facet of my life. I could feel the love radiate off him, but on the playground he had called me his friend. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and be destroyed a second time. I wouldn’t survive it.

Tatsuki looked nervous when he materialized with the glass of water that I didn’t even really want. I was pacing and I couldn’t seem to keep my hands off my midsection. He must have thought the worst of me. I’d known I was pregnant for all of thirty minutes and I already harbored feelings for the little thing. Complicated feelings, but feelings nonetheless. I glanced up at him, drinking in the way he stood in cramped kitchen walkway. Our house was relatively large, but Tatsuki was a tall man, and the ceiling overhead appeared lower than it was.

The burgundy carpet of our living room was burning my feet as I skidded across is aimlessly. I was attempting to breathe away the panic attack that was threatening to peak in the center of my chest. This was the moment. Our moment. Either I’d leave this living room knowing how he felt, or I’d leave it feeling somehow emptier than when I’d entered, if that were even possible. “I h-have your water, if that’s okay.” Tatsuki’s voice trembled as he spoke and I tried to smile at him, but my face just crumpled.

“Please don’t look so sick, Tatsuki, you’re making me nervous. Put the water on the table please.” I begged, moments away from another bout of tears. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I couldn’t get a handle on myself and hysteria was the only thing that poured out when I opened my mouth. Tatsuki deserved better, I was losing my mind. I tugged nervously on the drawstrings of my pajama bottoms and chewed on the inside of my cheek. I wanted to melt into his body, to give myself to him. I wanted my favorite person to love me the way that I loved him. I swallowed. “I need you to be honest with me about something.”

“Anything.” Tatsuki breathed. His doe eyes were looking at me like I was everything in the world to him and I almost lost my nerve. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Everything was going to change if I went through with this, and the last thing in the world I could have survived would have been losing Tatsuki.

“Are you in love with me?”

It almost made me angry to watch complete and utter fear creep into his eyes. Nervousness I could have understood, but terror? Was it really so scary or difficult to love a Sorceress? Looking back on it, I was being overly emotional, and it was likely the hormones coursing through my body, but in that moment, I felt a little betrayed. I had been begging for him to notice me in that way for _years_. We were attached at the hip. How could he be afraid of me? After all that time? His voice shook violently as he spoke, and he refused to look at me. “Y-yes, I am very much in love with you.”

I had half expected to be rejected and I was stunned into silence for a moment. So, I really hadn’t been imagining it, then. Tatsuki had loved me the way I loved him this entire time and neither of us had the courage to tell one another. The entire direction my life had gone in could have been different and I broke down as I clutched at my abdomen harder. I wanted this baby, and I wanted it to be his. I wanted the future we _should_ have had together, and I couldn’t hold in the breakdown that had been building since this had all began. “Why? Why couldn’t you j-just tell me, Tatsuki? Do you…do you realize how long I’ve been waiting for you?”

I wasn’t even sure he could understand the garbled words falling from my lips as a thick waterfall of emotion poured out of me. The light cream wallpaper of our living room seemed to peel closer to me and the already too-short ceiling for Tatsuki’s height lowered toward my head. The child nestled safely inside my body protested the intense wave of sadness that clawed at our shared insides and my stomach threatened to spew the already empty fumes clinging to my stomach. “You are amazing…You’re gentle and you’re kind and you’re handsome, and any idiot with half a brain cold see that you’re sweet on me, even though I don’t deserve you, and you could have literally anyone at Garden that you wanted.”

It was coming out like word vomit and I babbled on incoherently for a few moments before he reached for my hands. He was crying and he opened his mouth to speak but I couldn’t listen yet. If I stopped talking the panic was going to consume me and I needed to get everything off my chest in one go. I held a finger up, asking for just one more minute as my anxiety forced a final string of sentences from my lungs. “All I wanted was some sort of gesture o-or confirmation, but it never happened. I wanted you to fight for me the way my dad fought for my mom, I wanted you to come after me. But you’re so shy…and so respectful…and I knew it wasn’t going to just happen. So I started dating Soichiro in the hopes that you’d…I dunno…I guess chase me. It was vain and it was st-stupid and I’m so sorry…”

I had just admitted my darkest secret and I knew he would never speak to me again. I couldn’t breathe, and I could see my surroundings beginning to fray and fizzle at the edges of my vision. If I didn’t calm down, I was going to faint. I couldn’t look at him and I screwed my eyes closed as tight as I could. “But you never did…so I thought maybe you didn’t want me the way that I thought you did, and I tried to move on with Soichiro. He…had some emotional issues, and I wanted to help him, I really did. A-And then he…he…” I couldn’t force the terrible truth from my mouth, it felt like a dirty confession in front of the man I loved, and I buried my face into my hands as another strong weep reverberated throughout my body. “And now I’m pregnant, and Tatsuki I c-can’t do it, I can’t have an abortion! I just c-can’t! We could never be together now…because I’m t-tainted.”

I was hyperventilating and over-explaining, and I hated myself more with every second breath. It had needed to come out, but somehow it sounded like I was blaming Tatsuki, and I hadn’t meant it that way at all. I didn’t want to have an abortion, I didn’t want to have another surgical procedure, I wanted my body to be left alone. I wanted Tatsuki to know how much I loved him. I wanted my words to make sense. I wanted him to know it wasn’t his fault. I wanted a lot of things that were just outside my grasp and my body would have hit the floor had a certain someone not tentatively leaned forward and sealed the rest of my breath inside my lungs as his soft lips pressed against my own. 


	26. Chapter 26

Tatsuki held still as a statue, giving me ample time to process what was happening. I knew he was afraid to go any further, he didn’t want to trigger me, but what he didn’t know was that there was no way for him to do so. I had wanted Tatsuki to kiss me, _really_ kiss me, since I was fourteen years old. I knew I was safe. I wrapped my arms around his neck and opened my mouth before flicking my tongue against the plush of his lips. He hadn’t dared take it a step further that night on the playground, so I was surprised when granted me access.

His mouth was sweeter than I’d imagined, like a pastry, and electricity shot through my body as I felt his tongue slide against my own for the very first time. Kissing Soichiro had _never_ felt like that. His touch ignited a fire that traveled between legs, and I wondered if that was how kisses were supposed to feel. I explored every crevasse of his mouth I could reach, and I let out a small moan of happiness as I felt his trembling hands take hold of my hips. I didn’t want him to pull back, but he had to come up for air and he pressed his long nose against mine gently. “Julia Raine, I love you.” He whispered. “That is not something that I say to you lightly. I am so sorry that I didn’t pursue you harder—I didn’t want to frighten you away. This is all my fault. I should have protected you; I knew there was something wrong with him, I _knew_ he didn’t treat you right—”

It seemed to be his turn to sob and it broke every inch of my heart as he pressed his soft palm against the roundness of my cheek. I nuzzled into his touch, to tell him it was okay, and I felt drunk on the idea that he was truly in love with me. I never thought I would hear those words. Not from Soichiro, not from Tatsuki…not from anyone. “There is nothing tainted about you. Your body is still a temple, still the sweet place that houses your soul. There is no shame in allowing that baby to grow there, if that’s what you want. It’s all yours, it has nothing to do with him. And goddamn it, Julie…I’ll…if you want it, I want it.” He swore. His fingers lightly traced the bloat of my stomach and my throat suddenly went dry.

My gut instinct when I said I hadn’t wanted an abortion, was to give the baby up for adoption. Not the way my father was given to an orphanage, I could have never done that, but I was going to ask around and see if anyone could be found in Timber who wanted to be parents and weren’t able. I hadn’t once dreamed of raising the baby myself, until the words passed Tatsuki’s lips. I had admitted to myself that I wanted the baby, but only under the pretext of the child belonging to Tatsuki, which wasn’t possible. I whimpered and he squeezed my body as tight as he could. “No, Tatsuki, it’s not your fault at all, that’s not how I meant any of this.” I pulled away and a small frown tugged at the edges of my mouth. “How could you be serious when you say you would…you would still be with me pregnant? Or…with a child running around?”

I doubted I would keep the baby, but I wanted to hear his answer all the same. He was promising an awful lot, and I couldn’t fathom the idea that he’d want to stick around with a girl who was fat with another man’s child. I was surprised by how earnest his eyes were, and I knew he meant every word as he leaned forward, stopping just an inch shy of my lips. “There is nothing you could ever do that would make me not want to be with you.” He admitted softly. “You’re everything to me. And this baby…if they’re going to be part of your life…I want to love them too.”

He tried to back away, but I reached for his chin and forced him to look me in the eyes. Tears were trickling down both our faces and the space between us didn’t feel like space at all. It felt as if the house had completely melted away and all that was left was a single heart spread and shared across our chests. “The only choice I should have ever made was you.” I bleated, drinking in every last inch of his beautiful face. I brushed his bangs from his eyes and a pinkish tint dusted his cheeks as he pressed his forehead against my own.

I shot into Tatsuki’s arms and he tangled his fingers desperately in my hair as he captured my lips for the second time. I could feel him enjoying himself, and the faintest groan passed his lips as he nibbled on my bottom lip. He could enjoy kissing me without hurting me, his touch was soft as a feather, and I knew then how I had been a fool before. I had made so many excuses for the way Ichi behaved around me, when he was…abusing me. This is what love felt like. “I will never let anyone hurt you ever again. You’re safe with me.” He muttered against my mouth.

I gripped him hard and snuggled my face into his neck. My eyes hurt from crying and it felt wonderful to close them and just exist. No more pain, no more fear, just Tatsuki. Somehow, as long as he was with me, I knew I was going to be okay, baby or no baby. “You promise?”

I could almost hear the smile that broke across his face as he held me, and he dusted his fingers along my spine in a soothing motion. “With all that I am, I swear.” I was so tired, all I wanted to do was sleep, but that would have meant that our moment had to end. Part of me wanted to ask him to spend the night, but part of me was also afraid. I knew he would never ever hurt me, but if Nana found him in my bed, she might boil him. I cracked a smile at the thought and stepped back to look at him from underneath my eyelashes.

“Tatsuki I am desperately in love with you. I just…needed you to hear it.” I felt like a child. I didn’t really know how things like this were supposed to work, Soichiro had never asked me to be his girlfriend, he’d demanded it after a while and I played along, like always. “Does this…does this mean that we’re…”

Tatsuki was too stunned to answer me for a moment. I supposed I _had_ just dropped several bombshells on him. I was asking too much too fast, I needed to let him go home and process everything that had happened. I hadn’t fully digested any of it myself. His gaze dropped to my wrist, where the tattered old friendship bracelet he’d given me years ago was barely hanging by a thread. I was going to be devastated when it finally rotted off my body, although Tatsuki was suddenly tugging on it. I started to panic when the thread unraveled and fell into his hand, but he was grinning. “I uh…I was going to save this for your birthday but…” He coughed awkwardly and pulled a hand-woven pink and white bracelet from his pocket. It had an angel charm, just like the original, and it took everything I had not to burst into another round of tears.

He tied the threads into a secure knot around my wrist and brought both my hands to his mouth to kiss. “Would you go steady with me?” A hand crept to my abdomen and he held it there as if the child nestled within was made of solid gold. “Both of you?” It made me so happy to know that he was willing to stay by my side if I kept the baby, but I’d only known I was pregnant for short while, and I wasn’t anywhere close to making that sort of a life-altering decision.

“I don’t know yet…about the baby…but,” For the first time since before the Dollet contract, my heart was bursting with kind of bliss that melted me to my core. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I really got to be Tatsuki Mamoru’s girlfriend. “I would love to go steady with you.” Even after everything that had been spoken between us that night, Tatsuki looked overwhelmed with both love and shock.

The most joyful laughter suddenly burst from his chest and he grabbed for my waist as he spun me around in his arms. “I’ve ached for this moment since we were small. I never thought…” He trailed off, blinking tears from his eyes as he continued to rub on my belly. “And I understand. It might be hard, looking at a child that was conceived during the worst moment of your life. There are plenty of wonderful people out there looking to start a family, and this baby could be their miracle. I just…I wanted you to know that if you found it in your heart to love that baby, I would support you both. Forever.”

The universe didn’t make men like Tatsuki often. I had to have been the luckiest girl, to have been sent a guardian angel among men. Tatsuki had been with me from the beginning, and I was quickly realizing he was the only one I wanted to be at my side in the end. “What do we do now?” I whispered. I still felt like I was drowning and Tatsuki was my anchor, my life raft. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Tatsuki rubbed my arms gently and seemed to mull the question over in his head for a few moments. “Well, first things first we need to call your parents. Then, regardless of whether you keep it, we need to see about getting this baby some prenatal vitamins and an ultrasound.”

I scrunched my nose up and he chuckled at me a little. I felt a little better about it, but I did _not_ want to call and tell my parents that I was pregnant. I was scared Daddy would be angry that I wanted to give the child up for adoption. Not because he’d spent his childhood at an orphanage, I knew he understood that, but because he’d wanted me to get a D&C and I’d refused it. Mom and I both thought it would be too hard on my body after my surgery, and I hadn’t wanted it for the same reason I didn’t want an abortion. I’d already had someone play around with my body once, I wanted it left alone. No one got to touch my body but me. No one.

That and…I wasn’t stupid. I knew I was too soft to abort my baby. I thought women who were able to make such a choice about their own body were strong, but I couldn’t count myself among them. It mentally and emotionally would have been too much for me to bare. I felt Tatsuki caress the side of my face with the back of his hand. “Did I say something wrong?” His voice sounded so insecure and I wanted to kiss every bit of it away.

I shook my head and lead him over to my bed as I curled up into a ball. I was tired and I wanted him to hold me. “No, of course not. I was just thinking.” Tatsuki looked hesitant, but I patted the free space at my side, letting him know it was more than okay to lay down with me. He curled up beside me and pulled the comforter up to my chin as I shivered at the cold night air. I was ready for the warmth of springtime, even though it was my least favorite season.

Tatsuki kissed my forehead and rolled us up together like a blanket burrito. “Sleep on it. You don’t have to tell anyone tonight. Why don’t you get some rest? I’ll…I’ll watch over you.” 


	27. Chapter 27

*Squall’s Point of View*

Anger wasn’t a strong enough emotion for the sickening feeling that had taken hold over my body when the evening paper had been dropped off outside the door of our hotel. We had made it to Winter Island and I had been in a relatively good mood after Rinoa and I had blown off some steam on the train to Balamb. Headmistress Tilmitt was a good friend of mine, and she hadn’t minded allowing my wife and I to borrow the Ragnarok to make the rest of our journey to the eastern continent, where the trains wouldn’t cross into the wasteland formerly known as Esthar.

Even back when Esthar had been a nation, you couldn’t take a train through the country because of the vast ocean that swelled between the eastern continent and the island of Balamb. To get into the country at all you had to board in Fisherman’s Horizon and cross the Horizon Bridge, unless you were fortunate enough to have access to an airship. It wasn’t that our Garden in Timber didn’t have one, we did, it was called the Leaina, but we were trying to be as covert and inconspicuous as possible. That didn’t appear to have worked. Julia Heartilly’s soft music floated throughout the hotel, and the fact that it reminded me of my wedding was the only reason I hadn’t completely flown off the handle. Yet.

It was bad enough that word had gotten back to me that the Timber Maniacs had printed a smear campaign against my daughter, but this? This was outrageous. I didn’t even know the Shumi printed the news, but there it was, sprawled clear as day across the stark white generic bedding of the cramped hotel room. ‘SCANDAL IN TIMBERIAN LEGISLATURE: PRESIDENT RINOA LEONHART HELPS DAUGHTER FAKE ASSAULT, UNITED NATIONS IS IN SHOCK’. Rinoa was in the bathroom getting ready for the hearing, and Felicia was watching me pace across the carpet as I swallowed the expletives that threatened to roll off my tongue. “If this is the Shumi’s idea of a warm welcome I think they’re a little confused.” I spat.

Mizuki squeaked and tugged on one of her mother’s curls as Felicia gently attempted to redirect the infant’s attention. She cooed at her daughter, though she was glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. “Mind your temper, Sir. We cannot afford to go in there and accuse them of anything. The political climate is tempestuous at best.”

_Maybe they should have thought about that before they slandered my wife and daughter._ I thought bitterly. I wanted to know who had spilled the beans that we were even making the journey to Winter Island, after all the trouble we had gone through to travel undetected. I picked the paper up off the bed and unfolded it, waving it angrily in front of Felicia’s face. “See for yourself.”

Felicia squinted a little and inched to the edge of the bed to get a closer look at the small print. I was so furious my hands were trembling, and I attempted to steady them as she read aloud loud enough for Rinoa to hear from the bathroom. “In addition to breaking sacred oath with our island, the nation of Timber has reportedly attempted to cover the brewing concerns over our trade agreements. Alleged SeeD Julia Leonhart filed false police reports against an innocent resident of Aria North, the Timberian capitol. The timing of the supposed assault was convenient, and President Leonhart made a show of her daughters stay at Timber Memorial. Staff reports hysteria and theatrics from both parents.”

Did the staff not also report a positive rape kit? I thought angrily, jerking a lamp from the bedside table and hurling it at the wall. The ugly puke green ceramic splintering into shards on the ugly shag carpet was satisfying and I didn’t give a single shit that I’d be billed for it. Whatever. I wanted to know to had testified that Soichiro was an innocent citizen of Aria North. I wanted to know who at the hospital had breached my daughter’s doctor-patient confidentiality. More than that, I wanted to know which of our family members were dishonest, backstabbing rats. No one knew that we had gotten a letter from the Shumi but my parents, my children, and Selphie’s family. We hadn’t even told Zell, who was the closest of our friends to the family.

If not one of our own, then the Shumi had leaked the information, but somehow that seemed unlikely. The few times I had met with them they seemed to be a just and peaceful people. They cared about the purity of their souls, so that they might achieve their desired evolution. Then again…whoever had published that article didn’t seem so pure to me. Only two of my kids were old enough to have said anything, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was neither of them. My wife and parents could never have done it either, I refused to believe otherwise. My stomach cramped with anxiety and I was grateful for the distracting sting in my hands as blood pooled between my knuckles.

Would Selphie or Irvine ever sell us out like that? I didn’t want to think so, I had been raised with them, they were practically my siblings. That being said, my relationship with Selphie had rapidly deteriorated after her son had been born and a prick of hatred shot down my spine. I had never forgiven her for selling Rinoa’s life away like she meant nothing. Maybe reaching out to Balamb for help had done more harm than good. “Squall…”

“Huh?”

Apparently, Felicia had been talking to me and she shook her head at my lack of an attention span. There may have been some truth to Rinoa’s insistence that I thought too deeply. She sighed and put Mizuki up on her shoulder to pat some air out of the little girl’s tummy. “I said your phone is ringing.” I blinked. Huh. I honestly hadn’t even heard it ring, I’d been too lost in a myriad of unwelcomed speculation. The more I pondered whether or not Selphie would stab my wife in the back a second time, the more my stomach soured. By the time I wrestled the phone from the tightness of my front pocket it had gone to voicemail.

“Shit, it was Julie.” Panic gripped my throat and I glanced at the analog clock that was hanging just above the bedframe. The meeting was in ten minutes. “Tell Noa I’ll meet her there and to go on ahead of me. I need to take this call. I need to make sure she’s okay.”

Felicia didn’t seem to sure and a nervous aura seemed to creep over her. “S-Sir, I don’t mean any disrespect, but if you’re late—”

“I won’t be late.” I snapped. Felicia nodded, albeit hesitantly, and I stepped outside to make a frantic phone call home. I didn’t want Rinoa to be upset during the meeting. She wasn’t the type of person who could pretend her emotions away and she needed a clear mind to keep our government out of trouble. Garden was on thin ice as it was. I decided to take a walk, to make sure I would be out of earshot, and I ambled out of the lobby to sit on one of the many boulders that were laying around in the grassy alcove behind the hotel.

_Surely she’s just checking in_ , I thought. She had called to make sure we had made it to the island safely, that was all. I would have done the same if my eldest had traveled such a far distance from our home. It was what people did when they loved one another. She had left me a voicemail and I bit back the bile that rose in back of my throat as I held it to my ear to listen. _She was fine, she was with Matron, she was fine._ “Hey, Daddy.” My heart clenched at the sound of her voice. I wanted her in my arms more than anything. I missed her. “I really hate to leave this on your voicemail, but I know you and Momma are really busy and I don’t know when you’ll be able to talk. I hope you made it there safely.”

Some of the tension I’d built in my chest loosened a little and I let out a relieved sigh. Maybe she was just checking in after all. “I uh…I overheard what Mom said…about thinking I was pregnant. I decided to take some tests…and um…” Her voice cracked and my stomach dropped. “Daddy, I’m pregnant. About six weeks gone, if I had to guess. I want you to come home as soon as you can, okay? I love you, and I need you, and I’m so sorry.”

That was all she left. I didn’t even feel my phone drop from my hands as my head swam with disbelief. I had never been more heartbroken for Rinoa to have been right about something in all our twenty-three years together. I knew she should have had that D&C. I understood why she didn’t want to, and I hadn’t wanted to force her into anything she didn’t want to do, not after what had happened to her. What Julia needed then was control over her own life, I knew that. And yet, the thought of that monster leaving her with a piece of himself growing like a parasite in her belly disgusted me.

It had to come out. I was my child’s Knight and I couldn’t allow anything else in this world to ever happen to her. That leech was coming out of her and I was going home, there wasn’t going to be a meeting. I would have fought a war with the Shumi single handedly and died in defense of my country and my family _gladly_ before I saw my little girl swell with evil. She had been through enough. I wanted to call her back immediately, but it wouldn’t have done either of us any good. I wanted to die, and I didn’t need to put any more stress on her. She was a sensitive girl and I knew she hated to see me upset.

There was a sliver of rational thought telling me I needed to grab Rinoa. I needed to tell her, I needed to be there to comfort and hold her. I needed to take care of my family. I knew all of those things to be true, and yet, I didn’t do a single one of them. I couldn’t. I should have allowed my father to continue being Julia’s Knight, because clearly I was not suited for the job. The only thing I had ever wanted from the moment Julia took her first breath was to keep her safe and happy for the rest of our days together. How was I supposed to continuing living if I was too worthless to protect the people that mattered most?

I was her father. I created her, nurtured her, taught her everything I knew. But that wasn’t enough. I didn’t have any right to be a father. I had spent my entire life a mercenary and I had dragged Rinoa from her father into that lifestyle with me. I selfishly assumed any child born of us would follow in my footsteps, I hadn’t given them the choice not to. I had given no thought to enrolling them into my school under my supervision, where they were thrust into a line of work that was dangerous. Garden was not for the soft hearted, and my daughter was _very_ soft hearted.

I had let her around dangerous people. Dangerous men. If I had allowed Rinoa to send her to a normal public school in Winhill like she’d wanted, none of it would have ever happened. Timber had public schools. After we came out of hiding she could have transferred and everything would have been okay. She would have been married to Tatsuki and working someplace boring and safe and normal. This was all my doing. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and the deeper my thoughts spiraled the less I was able to breathe. My stomach lurched as if I were going to be sick, but I wasn’t given the opportunity before my vision greyed and I was sucked into the black vortex of unconsciousness.


	28. Chapter 28

*Julia’s Point of View*

The following morning was rough on my stomach. Daddy hadn’t answered the phone, and I’d left him a miserable voicemail. I was picking dejectedly at a few pieces of bacon, which smelled as horrendous to my pregnant body as Dad’s cooking tacos had. “Tatsuki, I think I’m going to be sick.” He dodged for the trashcan and slid it underneath my face just in time for a thick brown sludge to splatter inside the metal container. I felt guilty that he had gone through all the trouble of cooking me breakfast only for me to be unable to keep any of it down. This was the third time I’d been sick that morning.

Noctis was suspicious, I could see it on his face, but not for the right reasons. His thick black eyebrows were knit, and his expression was drawn. He fidgeted nervously with the long black rosary around his neck and let out a small whimper. “Sister…I told you not to eat the garlic. I told you it was to protect you. What if the vampires bit you in your sleep?” I wanted to be annoyed, but his voice actually quivered with genuine fear. His offbeat nature never failed to surprise me, and I’d known him since the moment he was evicted from our mother’s body. “What if _Sorceress Adel_ bit you in your sleep?”

A hint of mild hysteria touched his voice and I fought the urge to bite his head off. “Sorceress Adel is dead, Noctis. We have talked about this.”

“Yeah, _un_ dead! She crawled out of Obel to remake you in her own image!” Noctis threw his spoon down on the table and spilled milk into the floor as he dragged himself somberly toward where I was wedged between the table and my sick bucket. “Here.” He said softly. “You can drink mine.” He stuck his pale wrist against my mouth and Tatsuki howled with laughter as I projectiled all down the skinny appendage.

Noctis wasn’t concerned enough anymore to stick around and he belted out a squeal so high pitched that I could see Luca flinch from two rooms away. His skinny legs bolted up the steps and I cupped my hand over my mouth to both conceal my laughter and hold in the steady stream of vomit that was still trickling from my body. Tatsuki ran an old washrag under some warm water and very gently wiped my face clean as he ran his fingers through my hair. “I know you want to wait on your dad, but I want to take you to the doctor. You need medicine to help you and our plus one keep something down. It’s worrying me.”

I groaned. I wished he wouldn’t say things like ‘our plus one’. It made me feel an attachment to the idea of having the baby, and I was confused enough as it was. I knew what he was trying to do. He wanted me to feel less scared, like the baby wasn’t some foreign invader inside my body. I appreciated it, but the last thing I wanted to do was get attached to a child I wasn’t keeping. “Daddy is going to want tests done, I’m sure. He would want me to be sure the baby is healthy, that’s why I wanted to wait.”

Of course I had no way of knowing then, that what my father wanted was for the baby to cease living all together. I remained naïve, and Tatsuki was even more an optimist than I was. He cheerfully responded that Dad would want to be sure the baby and I were getting nourishment first and foremost. I supposed he was right. I was losing weight when most pregnant women would have been gaining it. I didn’t want to miscarry, I was already too attached for that, and I slowly nodded my head. “You’ll go with me?”

Tatsuki pressed a loving kiss to the center of my forehead. “I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I’ll call the hospital right now.” Fear exploded in my chest at the mere mention of the hospital and all I could think about was having that awful catheter injected into my vagina. I wanted nothing to do with Timber Memorial and I shook my head wildly.

“N-No, not the hospital. I want a midwife. They can do all the same things, right?”

Tatsuki blinked stupidly at me and a cloud of confusion moved across his dark eyes. He didn’t understand. Tatsuki had never really hung around girls except for me, and he was incredibly shy and sheltered. He had no idea what I was talking about. “I guess? I don’t really know, baby.” His face twisted with concern and a dark purple blush crept up his neck. “Is…that okay? C-Can I call you that? I’m sorry.” He stammered.

I smiled. “You can call me anything you want.” As long as it isn’t J, I added mentally, though I knew he was already aware. “I kinda like it.” A flirtatious smirk broke across my face and I was feeling more myself that day as I watched his dark brown eyes twinkle. He looked happy in a way I had never seen before. I had never expected to be the reason for someone else’s joy. It made me feel needed. I intended to kiss him, but an angry tapping along the old cherrywood floor suddenly disrupted the romantic atmosphere.

“Julia Raine Leonhart, did that boy sleep here?” Nana’s voice was stern, and her amber eyes were narrowed into slits as her lips curled back into a sneer. She flashed all her teeth and I watched as the color completely drained from Tatsuki’s face. I stood on shaky legs and inched the trashcan out of my way as I stepped in front of Tatsuki. My grandmother was as sweet and gentle as they came, but she was also fiercely protective. He didn’t deserve her visceral wrath for trying to make me feel safe.

“Please don’t be angry with him, Nana, I asked him to. I was scared.” I pulled out my best puppy eyes, but I wasn’t sure it was working. She dropped her gaze from Tatsuki’s face to the overflowing trash bucket before staring dead center at my abdomen. My hands fluttered to it and Tatsuki absentmindedly rubbed the small of my back as he avoided my grandmother’s eyes.

Nana’s expression was hard to read. I couldn’t tell if she was angry or disappointed and I was terrified she was going to tell Papa. I didn’t want either of them thinking I was some sort of whore because I asked the man I loved to share a bed with me. We hadn’t done anything. _They probably already think that of me._ I thought somberly. Soichiro made sure of that. “Tatsuki I want you out of this house. Now. You are not to come back until Squall and Rinoa do, have I made myself clear?”

For once in his life, Tatsuki didn’t jump on the opportunity to obey an order. He was very military minded, my father had trained him well, but he had decided he wasn’t leaving my side and he meant that. My heart fluttered in my chest as he gripped my hand and pushed his chest forward, his expression as stoic and rigid as it would have been under any of Garden’s commands. “With all due respect, ma’am, I promised I would—”

“With all due respect, Tatsuki, you do not live here.” Nana hissed. “Get out.”

My bottom lip quivered. I didn’t want Tatsuki to be yelled at, least of all over me. I turned to look at him and stood on my tip toes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Daddy will be back soon, I’m sure. You go on home. I’ll call you?” I mouthed ‘playground’ and a gentle smile crossed his otherwise terrified expression. He brought my hand up to his mouth and very tenderly kissed my fingertips.

“You better.” He uttered playfully. Tatsuki walked toward the back door, but not before offering my grandmother a perfect SeeD salute and a small bow. “Ma’am.” He nodded his head at her in salutation and disappeared into the sunny morning atmosphere. Nana and I frowned at one another for a long moment and I couldn’t decide whether I was angry. This wasn’t Tatsuki’s house, sure, but it wasn’t Nana’s either.

“Was that really necessary?”

I flinched at the sadness that swelled in my grandma’s bright amber eyes as she shifted her gaze toward the trashcan. “You tell me, Julia Raine.” Her tone was mildly accusatory, and she tapped her long fingernails on the marble countertop. “You’re not one to disobey rules. I do not want you twisted up in another man’s games. It’s hardly been a month.”

That stung deeper than she would ever know. Whether she had meant it that way or not, I felt like she was affirming all my worst fears. My family did think I was a slut. It had only been a month and I was already letting another man manipulate me into bed with him. Tatsuki wasn’t like that, but why would any of them believe me? I was Julia Raine, worst judge of character on our side of the western continent. “How much of that did you overhear?”

“Enough.” She groaned, rubbing her temples in a circular motion as she attempted to breathe the anger away. Nana softened a little when she realized I was crying, and she shook her head at me. “Sweetheart, you’re acting with that boy like you’re intending to keep this baby. Like you’re almost happy to be carrying it. Do you understand how that might come across to other people?”

I did. I understood it too well. I hadn’t been trying to act that away, Tatsuki had just brightened my spirits was all. One moment I had been devastated and the next he had bathed me in a light that only he exuded. He made me feel like the pregnancy wasn’t a reflection on me, it was just a byproduct of something that I didn’t get to decide. He made me feel like I’d been given the power back to make my own choices regarding what happened to my body. I could have an abortion if I wanted. I could give the baby up for adoption if I wanted. I could keep it if I wanted. It was _my_ decision to make and no one else’s. He empowered me in a way I had never felt before. “It’s my body and it’s my choice.” I said slowly. “My choice how I proceed and my choice how I feel about it.”

Nana was taken back for a moment. She almost looked disgusted with herself for a moment and a pang of guilt swirled inside of me. I didn’t want to make her feel bad. She was concerned and she loved me, I knew that above all else. Nana only wanted to help, and I was being difficult. “I know that, baby. I just want you to be aware, that’s all. Nothing you choose is going to be easy. All of the options going forward come with a price. And I—I so hate that for you.” Her voice tremored and I immediately reached to pull her into my arms.

Even giving birth to my aunt as late in life as she had, Nana was thin as a rail and she felt so fragile in my arms. I wanted her advice, I wanted to know which path she would have taken, if she had found herself in a similar situation. My Papa took very good care of her, but they had only been with one another seventeen years. They were each other’s second spouses, and unlike my grandfather’s deep love for Grandma Raine, Nana’s previous marriage had been loveless. What if she had conceived a child with him? I didn’t dare squeeze her, afraid she might break, but I rocked her back and forth in my arms as she wept onto my shoulder. “Do you wanna come lay down with me? We can talk about it.”


	29. Chapter 29

*Rinoa’s Point of View*

A tight undercurrent of panic was pulsing through my body as I fidgeted with my wedding band. It suddenly felt a thousand pounds, as if my marriage to Squall was the crux from which my entire life blossomed. In a sense that was true. Squall was everything to me. He was oxygen, he was my torch after nightfall, my northern star. I had built my life around loving every difficult inch of that man. And yet, I wished my career was one thing that didn’t hinge on his success so completely. I was only eighteen years old when I created the Timberian government from scratch. It wasn’t the smartest decision on Timber’s part, but they were desperate, and there was no one more qualified to lead. I hadn’t known anything about being a leader at the time, it was a position I had had to grow into.

One early decision that I made was putting Garden in complete control of the Timberian military. This was put in place by necessity, because when Timber was initially liberated we had been reduced to a city-state, where the capitol was considered Timber and the rest of the land that had once been part of the nation had been absorbed completely by Galbadia. This meant that Timber wasn’t large enough to form the kind of military we needed to fight in Trabia, thus mercenary and solider were blended as one. Over the years we had worked to reclaim Timber in its entirety, but Garden remained the military.

That meant that my husband controlled defense and offense and the policies therein for the entire nation. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Squall was an excellent leader, he had to be from a young age. However, this meant that I was not the one taken seriously by our peers in terms of international affairs. I signed our laws into effect, I handled what needed to be done within our own boarders, but the rest of the world saw my husband as the powerhouse to be reckoned with, not me. It was not any different with the Shumi, and I was becoming increasingly frustrated as I waited for Squall to show up. “Where is he?” I muttered under my breath to Felicia, who was seated in his place for the time being. Mizuki was swaddled and strapped to her chest, and I knew we were both thanking our lucky starts that the baby was being good as gold.

Felicia looked stressed and she shook her head at me. She didn’t know. “Calling Julia shouldn’t have taken this long.” She whispered back. She was right and worry churned my stomach as I pictured the possibilities. Was our daughter not okay? It wasn’t like Squall to ditch his responsibilities. If anything, I was the one that was flighty, if not kind of mischievous back in my prime. Squall had always had a solid head on his shoulders, and he knew where to draw the line between duty and play.

“Mrs. Leonhart, this is becoming rude rather quickly, wouldn’t you agree?” Elder Marluxia’s voice broke through my thoughts and I fought every urge in my body to sneer at him. I wasn’t hotheaded, that was Squall, I reminded myself. I wasn’t the one who lost my temper. At least, that had been true before he made me a mother. I didn’t appreciate anyone spreading lies about my baby, and my mood was souring the more I had to look at Marluxia’s plump smug face.

If I looked at him a second longer, I was going to trigger my limit break. My eyes scanned the mud colored walls, landing on an ugly red and gold tapestry of Laguna with a baby Moomba squatting on his head. It was gaudy and you could only tell the visage was supposed to be of my father-in-law if you squinted. “I apologize on behalf of my husband. He was not feeling well when we left him. If I may, Elder, I am the one who is president of our nation. Ambassador Yoshioka is well on her way to Vice Presidency, as well.” I could hear an audible gasp from Felicia. I had been going to surprise her with that opportunity, but I figured then was as good a time as any. “I believe we are more than capable of working on trade with you.”

Elder Marluxia’s pudding face twisted with annoyance and he waved an enormous hand to his assistant. “Attendant, I would like for you to bring my daughter into the room. I feel as though the President and I need to have a heart to heart.”

His daughter? Felicia and I exchanged a nervous glance and I tugged sharply on the rings that dangled from my old chain necklace. “Respectfully, sir, I did not come here to address your daughter. I came to speak on behalf of our _accidentally_ breached trade agreement. The Yuna flowers—”

There was another grand wave of his hands, which I noted as an interesting display. Shumi didn’t usually show their hands, it was a sign of great respect when they did. Yet…I didn’t feel very respected or welcomed. It was highly suspect of what I knew of Shumi culture, though I didn’t say so. “You grasped the point easily, Leonhart. You did not come here to speak to my daughter, and I did not come here to speak with you. We will convene no further until I may see your husband.”

_Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be._ I thought angrily. It took some hefty balls to insult a Sorceress without her Knight present. Squall’s duty was to protect others from me just as much as it was to protect me from others. I thought back to the summit in Deling City, back when Julia had been a mere two weeks old. We couldn’t have a repeat of that. I had to keep a level head. I decided to begin my sentence over. “The Yuna flowers were killed by the harsh blizzards that swept our land in November and December. Our trades are exchange at the calling of the new year. We had no flowers to send to you, it was not a slight. Our Transload Department was supposed to deploy an emissary to speak with you on the matter, so another agreement might be reached.”

Elder Marluxia’s eyes flashed and a few of his Attendants bickered quietly amongst themselves. I disliked the sudden change in atmosphere and I noticed that Felicia’s hand was resting firmly on the hilt of her Shear Trigger. “President Leonhart even named her most recent child after your sacred Yuna flower. We honor our allies in Timber. You may note that the Transload Department of Timber Garden _did_ send an emissary, I signed off on it myself.”

The Shumi stopped whispering and I turned my gaze slowly to meet Felicia’s eyes. That was news to me, my husband had mentioned nothing of even knowing we had breached the agreement. “Who was dispatched?”

“Cadet Amethyst Dincht was assigned to shadow Sir Morales, ma’am. They both were deployed to Winter Island on January 31st.”

Sir and Lady were the Timberian titles held by all SeeD’s at our academy. Sir Ambrose Morales was close to SeeD rank A, and I knew him to be a dedicated member of our staff. He had been moved to transload work after both his small children had lost their lives in an incident involving the kindergarten classrooms and Ultimecia in 2005. It was easier on him and he had more time to spend with his wife. I was surprised Morales was sent that far from home, he almost never took assignments that kept him far from the babies his wife had blessed them with following the tragedy. 

My blood ran cold and a pit of dread gnawed at my stomach as I felt my own body go limp. Zell and Quistis had told us that Misty had been sent on a shadow assignment, they were so very proud of her. I wondered, however, if they had known the details of what she would be doing, and where. A mission like that shouldn’t have ran over a month long, something was wrong. I’d have bet money Quistis was under the impression that her daughter was working search and rescue, those type missions _could_ run several months. If she’d had any idea something this simple had taken more than a few days, she would have been scouring the village herself. “Cadet Dincht is twelve years old, you tell me where she is.” I spat icily.

Elder Marluxia let out an eerily familiar chuckle. “Fushururu! I sent Attendant after my daughter. She will speak with you until your husband—”

“No, I am speaking, and you will address _me,_ am I understood? I am Timber.” I growled, magic teeming at my fingertips as I struggled to remain composed. I hadn’t been disrespected like this since I had lived with my father, Squall had never allowed it. I frowned at the thought. Squall had never allowed it. He was my Knight, he protected and loved me. It was a bond deeper than any other. Love that aspect of our relationship as I did, maybe it was time for me to stand up and protect _myself_. Defend my children? I could and did do that all day, every day. But I didn’t care as much about myself. Maybe that needed to change.

I could still smell Caraway’s cologne. I could feel his dirty suit jacket pressed against my back and the sickening hotness of his breath against my neck. That Man was not a father. Had I even defended myself then? I had run away with the Owls, and then with Garden, and I never looked back. Squall had saved me in more ways than he would ever know. I might have burst into tears had my thoughts not been interrupted and the memories stirred a hatred inside of me I had almost forgotten.

“So says the new Adel. The _people_ are Timber.” Marluxia barked.

What he had just implied settled in my stomach with the tight churn of nausea. I was _nothing_ like Sorceress Adel. I was a fair leader. My people had elections on policies every couple of years and sent in surveys on what they thought I was going well, or not so well. I listened to my people. They had a voice. Their opinions mattered to me. I didn’t hide from my people, either. Squall and I were out and about in Aria North with our children from the beginning. I was not shy, I liked to get to know the residence in the capitol. I gritted my teeth. “So says the outsider.” I mocked, placing my hands on my hips as I leaned toward him. “I _am_ the people of Timber, I represent their voice. I am here for _them_ and you will confer with me or with no one.”

I half expected Felicia to ask me to calm down, but when I turned to look at her there was a fire burning in her deep brown eyes. Her hands were still firmly planted on her gunblade and I knew the Elder could see. He may have been a sexist piece of trash, but he wasn’t an idiot. The Attendant Elder Marluxia had sent away reappeared suddenly with a shorter, rounder Shumi. I had never seen a pregnant Shumi before, but the small creature’s long fingers were petting at her extended belly as she waddled her way into view. Felicia sneered. “You’re a father, about to be a grandfather, and _this_ is how you speak to women?”

I wanted to grab the girl from her father’s grabby hands. I didn’t like the way he looked at her. It reminded me of… _him_. I hadn’t thought of Fury Caraway since before my daughter was born, and I liked to keep it that way. He was nothing more than a ghost from the past. A haunting. I inched closer to her though her upturned face smiled timidly at her father. “You called for me?”

Elder Marluxia rubbed his hands along her firm belly and shook his head, his fat neck vibrating from the sudden vigorous motion. “Never you mind. Our meeting is adjourned. Timber will be hearing from our lawyers.”


	30. Chapter 30

*Squall’s Point of View*

It had been seventeen years since my sister had been murdered in the final showdown with Ultimecia. Even still, I remembered how her Connect ability felt as clear as day. I never would have known my parents if it hadn’t been for those blissful glimpses into the past, glimpses I had hated at the time. I didn’t know how much I would miss them until they were lost to me. I didn’t so much enjoy being trapped in my father’s body, but I missed the closeness with Sis. I missed talking to her in our sleep. Of course, that all had ended long before she died. Ellone had grown to hate me.

I tried not to let her loathing bother me. Sis had been such an important part of my childhood, a part that I had to let go in order to move forward with my life. And yet, when I felt the familiar tug of Connect pull me from my body, a small pit of excitement nestled in my belly. I hadn’t believed in any kind of God before my daughter came. Not Hyne, not Yevon, not Spira…but the day Julia woke in my arms and told me she had spoken to my mother, whom she had previously known nothing about? It changed everything I had ever thought to be true about Gaia. I briefly wondered, then, if Ellone was reaching out to me from wherever she was in Heaven.

( _Elle? Sis? Are you there?)_ My consciousness reached out to her desperately as I tried to figure out what I was seeing. I wasn’t in a body this time, which was not usual, yet my surroundings were definitely not a part of Shumi village any longer. I couldn’t see myself, I had no corporeal body. I was just thoughts floating through nothing, a spectator to something I had no business being privy to. I could see Vivienne Almasy clear as day, anxiously laying in her bra and a pair of sleeping shorts, sprawled in a heap of vibrant purple sheets. She was my niece and I looked anywhere I could that wasn’t her body.

( _Elle this is wrong, what the hell are you doing?)_

( _I have most of my clothes on, Uncle Squall. Calm down.)_ The gentle voice spoke back. Oh. I was a little disappointed, but it made sense. Vivienne was Ellone’s only surviving child. It had never occurred to me that she might have inherited her mother’s gifts. I was grateful the child was mostly clothed, but it felt inappropriate nonetheless and I sighed.

( _Why are you showing me this? This is weird, Vivi, sweetheart.)_

_(It’s…not on purpose. I’ve never accidentally pulled anyone into the memories with me before.)_

_(Your own memories?)_

_(No, other peoples. This is Kazane’s memory.)_

_(Kazane?)_ I refocused my gaze and noticed that Felicia and Raijin’s middle child was smirking at Vivi from a few feet away from the bed. She was still fully dressed in her nightclothes, thankfully, and her tight black curls bounced as she ran to jump onto the bed and pin Vivi beneath her. Vivi mewled and let out an airy giggle as the girls wrestled one another for a few moments. At first I thought what I was witnessing was a sleepover, but it quickly became more. Kazane’s expression was mischievous and she captured the others girls lips playfully as my niece wove her legs around her waist.

( _I’m sorry, Uncle Squall. I don’t know how to turn it off. This has been happening to me for weeks now, I don’t know how to make it stop.)_ I sighed and if I had been in control of my own body I’d have scratched at the back of my neck. I hadn’t realized Vivienne was into women, not that it mattered. She had never told me she and Kazane were dating. I was happy for them. Especially now; Kazane Yoshioka needed all the love someone could offer her. I knew her home life couldn’t be pleasant with all that was going on with her brother.

( _It’s okay. Your mother drug me into a few of her own adventures on accident. I’m not angry.)_ I promised. I did however wish we were in any other memory she could conjure. Kazane ground against Vivi and the girl moaned as she burrowed herself deeper into the duvet of the bed. “You are so beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you. I love you, Viv.” Kazane’s hands trailed down my niece’s body and she quivered, squeaking with pleasure as she reached to delicately suck the other girl’s earlobe into her mouth.

Vivienne’s consciousness seemed to shudder with embarrassment and that appeared to be enough for a sudden change in scenery. The whirr of colors spun my equilibrium off balance, and I felt dizzy, but I was more than grateful. The sweet smell of the teenager’s bedroom faded into a mossy mildew smell as I was suddenly starting at waterlogged floral wallpaper. I could hear my daughter and my breath caught in my throat. ( _That’s my bean…where is my baby.)_ I needed to see her. We had only been away from home a short while and I missed her with everything I had.

“Julie…do you understand why that was wrong? Hm? Daddy is supposed to protect you, not ever the other way around.” That was my own voice speaking, and I remembered that day well. I had spent an hour complaining to Timber Memorial’s maintenance staff that the walls in my daughter’s room were damaged and I wanted her moved to another floor. We had a lot of flooding in Timber that year and the pediatric wing of the hospital was closest in proximity to Obel lake.

“No! Daddy…I has to protect yoo! Yoo always keep me and Mommy safe, but who is watching over yoo? Nobody hurts my daddy.” She said adamantly, her tiny little legs flailing in her hospital bed as she half pitched a fit. There had been no way I could ever have been angry with her. Not then. She was tired and injured and…she had died in my arms. She had loved me too much, too deeply. She didn’t want to lose to me as badly as I didn’t want to lose her. I had no idea, before that moment, that my daughter loved me as completely as I loved her.

I saw my younger self frown at her, but there was an intense love in my gaze. I had a black satchel hoisted up on my shoulder and the contents of the bag sloshed and wiggled around inside as I pressed a giant kiss to the center of my baby’s forehead. “I…appreciate that you love me, Jules, but I love you more. I brought you something.”

I plopped Luca’s tiny pudgy body into my daughter’s lap and somehow the squeal she let out had healed every ounce of my hurt. I pressed a finger to my mouth and suppressed a laugh, watching the pure joy radiate off her as the puppy licked at her chubby cheeks. “Shh, Daddy was _not_ supposed to smuggle your dog in here.”

I wanted to bask in the sweetness of the memory, but it was too painful. As much as I missed Julia being that small, I couldn’t handle seeing her in the hospital again. I never wanted to see her fragile and close to death ever again. No father should ever see their little girl in pain. It was cruel. ( _I’m sorry, Uncle Squall. Hang on, I think I can disconnect. I’m trying to wake up.)_

Vivi’s voice disrupted the memory, and yet I still didn’t return to my body. ( _Come on, Vivi. I am missing an important meeting. I need you to try a little harder, please. This has got to be similar to lucid dreaming, right? Hello?)_ There was no response and the scenery around me mutated once more. The strong pungent scent of the hospital was replaced by the comforting crisp smell of fresh linens and I recognized the bedsheets at an instant. We were in my house. Rinoa had thrown those burgundy flannel sheets out years ago, but they appeared to be brand new. I looked even younger than in the memory prior, and Rinoa was stretched out beside me, very heavy with child. I felt my heart stutter in my chest just looking at her and I watched with a quiet longing as my eighteen-year-old self watched the love of his life sleep.

“You’re kicking me again, Bean.” I had mused, stretching my hands out across the span of Noa’s large belly. “What do you think of the new house? It’s all for you. No more Balamb, no more cramped dorm. You’re going to have the best life I can give you.” Julia wriggled happily inside her mother and her tiny feet pressed against my palms with a strength that woke my wife.

“Oof, you’re getting too big for that, sweet girl.” Rinoa grunted, struggling to sit as our mound of a child took up every inch between her breasts and her thighs. “I’m never going to skinny again, Squall. You’re stuck married to a whale.” She complained.

I would have laughed at that in the present, two children later, but old me rolled his eyes. I scowled at her like the asshole I had always been and pressed a possessive kiss to the spot I loved most on her tummy, where her bellybutton had popped out. “You’re perfect. Both of you. If anyone should feel stuck, it’s you…I’m…” I could finish my past self’s thought. _I’m not going to be good at this._ I had been so afraid of messing something up. I hadn’t known I wanted a child until I heard her little heartbeat, everything after that was pure desperation to have and keep a family. I never thought I would have one, never in a thousand years.

My expression was pensive and Rinoa wiggled those thick black eyebrows as the sweetest smirk painted her lips. “Shut up. You’re already a good father. Beanie loves you. She beats the hell out of me trying to get closer to the sound of your voice. It’s all I can do to keep her in.”

I smirked. The feeling was mutual. “She better stay in, we have three weeks to go, little lady, and a funeral to attend tomorrow. I couldn’t keep my hands off Rinoa and I nipped lovingly at her jawline as I continued to soak up the precious movements of our little one. “Are you scared, babe?” I asked softly. I was terrified, but not in a bad way.

“No.” I could hear in her voice that she was being truthful, and I remember being a little jealous. “I’m ready, I think. I want to be her mother.” Rinoa slid her hands over my own and smiled. “You don’t…regret this, do you? I don’t want you to get overwhelmed. I know building the new Garden has been stressful.”

I hated it when she asked me that. It was a little late for regret, but even if it hadn’t been, I was so in love with both of them that there was positively no room for it. I was young and scared and flying by the seat of my pants, but I wasn’t in the business of regretting my selfish need to be near them. I wanted to try. I wanted to be the man they needed me to be. What I hadn’t realized, was that in two short days’ time, I would be holding that little girl and those very sheets would be absolutely ruined. Julia Raine came on her own time, no sooner, no later, and she’d retained that personality into adulthood. Julia was a wildcard. All our children were. “You know that I don’t.”

My heart was full, and I had gotten comfortable. I could have lived in that memory for the rest of my life and been happy, but all good things come to an end. ( _I think I’m waking up now.)_

( _No, no please, just five more minutes.)_ I begged. I wanted to love on that belly one more time, I wanted to feel Julia be a five-pound pressure against my skin, safe and warm and all ours…just a little longer. Vivi started to respond to me, but the next thing I knew I was in control of my body, staring up at the frosty morning sky with tears ebbing at the corners of my eyes. I was late for that meeting, I knew I was, and my wife’s pinched and angry face leaning over me confirmed it. “Get up,” She snapped. “I have had a very bad day and I need your help.”


	31. Chapter 31

*Julia’s Point of View*

Emotions were running high yet again in the Leonhart household and I wondered if things would ever return to normal. The locks on both our front and back doors were found to be broken, and they hadn’t been the night before. Papa came over to repair them, but I didn’t feel any better. What if Soichiro had been inside the house? What if he still was, waiting for the perfect moment to finish what he started? It was enough to send anyone into a panic attack, and Nana and I had already had a stressful morning between Tatsuki being banished and her overhearing the news of my pregnancy.

I had been turned into a Nana and Papa sandwich. I had a grandparent on each side of me, holding me tightly against their bodies like they had on numerous occasions when I was a child. My phone had vibrated and I knew it was Tatsuki asking when I wanted to meet him at our usual spot on the playground, but I couldn’t grab for it with Papa squeezing every ounce of life out of me and my child. “If it’s that boy,” Nana griped. “I don’t want you answering that.”

I almost rolled my eyes at her, but Papa reacted before I could. “Edea, stop. I trust Julia’s judgement. She’s been around Tatsuki her whole life, I think she would know if he was the type to hurt her.” I appreciated him sticking up for me, but I saw both sides of that argument. I had known Soichiro my whole life too and look at what he’d done to me. But part of me had always known there was some type of stain on his heart. Tatsuki on the other hand was the purest soul I’d ever known, he was harmless. Then again, I reminded myself bitterly, I wouldn’t have believed me either. I was a fool.

“I don’t want to talk about Tatsuki.” I groaned. “I want to talk about my baby.”

Both of my grandparent’s flinched around the word ‘my’, as if the idea of me mothering the child was appalling. Nana chose her words carefully, and I resented her inability to speak of my child as if they were a person. “The fetus is something you need to consider carefully. It is nothing more than a clump of cells right now. It can be easily taken care of. None of us would judge you.” She crooned, rubbing soothing circles along my back as she spoke.

_I don’t care who judges me._ I thought angrily. I wouldn’t dare find fault with another woman for making such a choice, it wasn’t an easy call to make. People could hate me if they wanted to. I was a soft-hearted person, but I was quickly coming to realize that I couldn’t let other people’s feelings control the direction my life went in. I had let people have too much control as it was. I was taking it back. Enough was enough. Scientifically speaking she was right, the baby was a clump of DNA clinging to the lining of the uterus, it was something that could have lived inside of a petri dish. The conflict didn’t come from the science, it came from deep within me.

I thought of the fetus as a baby. My baby. I didn’t intend to keep it, but I knew my heart well enough to know that I had already decided its life had worth, and if it were to die, I would have been crushed. I knew that was weird. Half of the child’s life came from a man who had tried to take everything from me. Soichiro brutalized and maimed me. He had…raped me and violently spilled fifty percent of a child into my belly. Most people’s gut reaction to that would have been a purge of anything that could have remotely represented such a vile stain on their life. I couldn’t comprehend why my defense mechanism seemed to be allowing myself to believe that something pure was going to be born into the world, something that made my suffering bearable, and would be a miracle to someone suffering from infertility. It brought me comfort.

If I didn’t understand why I felt that way, how was I supposed to explain it to someone else? I just wanted to do good and be good. I thought the child deserved a chance to be the person their father wasn’t. I frowned. “You were married once, before Papa. What would you have done if Cid had gotten you pregnant?”

Nana sighed, as if she had anticipated that question at some point, and she ran her fingers lovingly through my hair. “Oh, Julie. This isn’t quite the same, my love. I had loved Cid once upon a time, before did what he did with Irvine’s mother. We put on a good show after that, and I think there was a part of him that still deeply loved me, but I was done. When his health finally began to fail, I couldn’t put up a front anymore. I was tired of it all and your grandfather…” She trailed off and a wistful smile painted her face. Papa was grinning at her and I could feel an intense love fill the space between us. “I would have loved any child born of Cid and I. A child has their own soul, their own destiny. My feelings for Cid wouldn’t have changed the kind of love that exists between mother and child. Take Lissa, for example. I had no idea if things between your papa and I were going to work out, but I knew I wanted my daughter.”

“Then how is that different than how I feel?” I demanded. “Am I not this child’s mother?”

“The difference is Soichiro is a monster and Cid wasn’t.” I blanched and swallowed back a fit of tears as I struggled free from their embrace. She hadn’t meant that to hurt me, and what she’d said wasn’t wrong either, but it made me feel like she was accusing the child of being a monster by extension, and I couldn’t handle the idea. I could tell Nana wanted to take it back, I could see it in her eyes.

“You love Vivi, do you not? And you loved Aunt Elle? They were mother and sister to Ultimecia, does that make them monsters? Is Kazane a monster because she shares blood with Ichi? Is Uncle Seifer, for being Sorceress Adel’s grandson?” I was shouting before I even realized I had begun to raise my voice. “Or what about my mother?” I hissed. “Is she a monster because her own father beat and molested her? I didn’t realize that was how the world worked.”

I was the only person in the entire world my mother had ever told about Caraway. Our family knew he wasn’t a good man, but they hadn’t known it was _that_ bad and both my grandparents were white as a sheet. I hadn’t meant to let that slip out and guilt twisted inside of me as I tore from the room. Mercy let out a loud kweh and trotted behind me, her little beak nipping at my heels in concern. “Come here, baby.” I opened my arms and Mercy hopped up, nestling herself up under my chin. If this baby was a monster, so was I, and so was Momma and Noctis and Rosie. We were all Caraway’s descendants. It had been a fleeting thought in the beginning, but I couldn’t allow myself to think that way. My baby was _not_ impure.

“Julia please, I’m sorry.” I could hear Nana crying and I turned to look behind me to see both my grandparents hobbling slowly after me. I felt bad and I slowed to a stop in the kitchen as I pet Mercy a little too hard. She shifted uncomfortably in my arms and I relaxed my grip on her a little. I needed to breathe, I needed to calm down.

“Come back to bed, Bean.” Papa asked gently. “Please? Your grandma didn’t mean it like that. She just…none of us want to watch you suffer through single motherhood for a child that you were forced to carry.” His voice cracked and he gripped Nana’s hand so hard I thought he might crack it. They both looked utterly destroyed and I had never felt worse for getting emotional. I had never once yelled at them before and I didn’t enjoy the way it felt. I loved both of my grandparents with all that I was, they had never done anything but support me.

I pressed a kiss to the tip of Mercy’s beak and avoided their eyes. I couldn’t handle much more of this, I mentally and emotionally needed my mother and father. I was coming unglued. “I was forced to conceive, not forced to carry. Carrying the baby is my choice and I’ve made up my mind. Daddy and I are going to find the baby a nice, loving home. You ran an orphanage once, Nana, I know you understand that.”

Nana wiped a few stray tears from her cheeks and nodded. “I do, sweetheart. If you think you can handle giving birth, and you’re really up for it, I’ll be the first person to help you find a couple in need of a child. I just…I just love you is all, you’re still a baby in my eyes a-and I—”

“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” I whimpered and both grandparents immediately grabbed me. Mercy squawked, squished between three warm bodies as we seemed to burst with tears and affection for one another. “I love you b-both so much.” My hormones were not being kind. My chest ached with an indescribable sadness all of a sudden, as if I were hyperaware that my grandparents were people I wouldn’t get to keep in my life forever. They were old and they needed to know how much I adored them before I couldn’t say so anymore. I hated that I had lost my temper. I couldn’t do that, not with them.

Papa kissed all over my face, his long silver hair tickling me a little as his nose nearly poked me in the eye. His laugh was so sweet and gentle and it only made my tears fall harder. “We know, Julie. We love you too, or we wouldn’t be here right now. Everything is going to be okay. Nana and I are going to make it all go away, okay, we are working on—”

“Laguna.” Nana’s tone was clipped, as if she didn’t want Papa to say something, but he had made me curious. I pulled away slightly and wiped my snotty nose on the sleeve on my shirt. I begged him with my eyes to continue, and even Mercy seemed to squeak in my defense, unruffling her feathers from where she’d been wedged too close to my chest. Papa glanced from Nana’s face to my own before dropping his eyes to the floor. “We’ve been fighting civilly with the court. You parents don’t know yet, but I have a friend at the DA’s office, and they’re only looking to give Soichiro a few months in prison if he’s convicted, because he has a clean record. We are trying to pull some strings to get him life in prison at the least, death penalty best case scenario.”

I felt hollow all of a sudden, and I couldn’t force air in or out of my lungs. A few months? For a RAPE? He had destroyed parts of my body that were supposed to be sacred and he was getting off with a slap on the wrist? Even so, I was surprised at my grandfather for pursuing the death penalty, that seemed a little harsh to me for his kind old heart. I supposed love did crazy things to people. “H-How many months?” I croaked.

Papa couldn’t say, he was choked on his own tears, and Nana put her face in her hands as a barely audible wail loosened in her chest. “Only two.” She whispered miserably. “Two and a restraining order.”


	32. Chapter 32

Nana and Papa were fast asleep by the time I finally snuck away to meet Tatsuki. We all felt a little guilty, and the news that the court was pursuing a lesser sentence for Soichiro had put me in a bad headspace. Papa had made us a fancy lunch he’d learned how to prepare in Esthar—it was a type of tomato bisque garnished with savory chunks of ruby dragon meat. I had actually managed to keep most of it down, and I had teased him that his great-grandchild seemed to like his cooking. I was heartened that he accepted my attempt at being lighthearted, and neither he nor my grandmother commented on the joke. They were just happy I was eating.

The mood lightened after lunch and we had played a few board games together. That was one thing I loved about my entire family. Sometimes we fought, but we were all easy to forgive, even Daddy. No one wanted to stay angry with the people they loved. I kicked their tails at Clue for a while before I suddenly felt that fatigue my mother complained of for the first time. It was like someone had somehow syphoned every ounce of my energy and run away with it. Nana and Papa laid down with me, and when I opened my eyes next, it appeared we had slept way passed dinner.

The clock read 8 PM and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes gingerly as I poked at my grandfather. “Papa? Do you want me to make you dinner? We slept in.” Nana and Papa both grunted, one pressed against Luca and the other spooning Mercy. I had to laugh at the sight, and I was grateful for the queen-sized bed. I pressed a kiss to both their foreheads and pulled the covers up to their chins before tucking them in. “I love you.” I shot Tastuki a text, letting him know I was ready, and pulled my warmest hoodie on over my head.

_Alright, little one. We’re going on an adventure._ I thought to myself, jerking the window open and scaling down my window lattice. I was eager to see Tatsuki and I ran to the playground as fast as I could. It wasn’t too dark out yet, but the streetlights were beginning to come on and I hugged my hoodie closer to my body. _I won’t let you freeze, Nugget. You’re gonna make someone out there so happy one day soon._ The thought of my child bringing healing to another family really did soothe the ache in my soul. It made me feel like what had happened to me served a greater purpose. My pain wasn’t for nothing.

I was lost in those thoughts until I saw Tatsuki, perched up on the top of the old plastic slide, like always. I grinned at him and I could barely take another step before he made a nose dive for the soft mulch beneath and bolted toward me. “Jules!” It was almost as if he’d been waiting there for me since he’d left the house that morning. He tugged me into a searing kiss, opening his mouth to me with a hunger that was new to us as my tongue connected sweetly with his own. I needed to be closer to him and my body ground into him on instinct. “W-Whoa…”

Tatsuki pulled back a little and instant shame swirled in my stomach. What the hell had gotten into me? Heat rushed to my cheeks and I gnawed on my bottom lip as I watched him struggle with the hint of lust that had touched his eyes. “I’m so sorry…that was…I’m sorry.” I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and swallowed.

“You’re fine.” I refused to look at him, instead admiring the gentle pink glow that dusted the creaky old play area. The sun was setting on the horizon and the scent of home was frolicking through the breeze. Pine and sea salt. It smelled like nostalgia, like childhood. I never wanted to leave Timber. Tatsuki mistook my silent wonder for guilt and he pressed a chaste kiss to the end of my nose. “Hey, I mean it. I didn’t…dislike it. I uhm…I brought you something.” He rummaged around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a small white bottle. He placed it gingerly into my hands and the shy, boyish smile that lit his face melted my insides. “It’s for the baby. Mom went to a clinic and got some for you. Should help with the nausea until your dad can take you to your first ultrasound.”

My eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Tatsuki…she didn’t have to do that. I thought you were coming with me?”

His body language was so bashful, almost as if he was afraid he might hurt my feelings. “I know…and I really want to. I want to hold your hand.” He admitted softly, reaching for my fingers and warming them between his own. “But I also feel like that’s something really special, and if anyone should get to see the baby first, it’s your father.”

I felt like this had something to do with Nana kicking him out of the house. Tatsuki had taken charge the night before, because he felt like he should protect me. He hated seeing me so upset. Now that I was his girlfriend, I was sure that protective desire would intensify, but he felt like he’d overstepped some boundaries. He was taking a step back. I didn’t want him to, but I understood. We had _just_ gotten together and _just_ found out I was pregnant. We needed to pump the breaks. There were too many powerful emotions permeating not only our interactions, but the interactions of my entire household. Things didn’t need to be done in haste. “I’m sure Daddy will appreciate that.”

A pinch of excitement coursed through me although I felt immense dread at the same time. I didn’t want to brave my father’s reaction. It had been all of two days and I had already started talking to the damn thing. I was softer than even I had initially realized, and I knew he was going to be disappointed in me. What kind of SeeD was I? I could run a gunblade through a grown man, but I couldn’t detach myself from a fetus I hadn’t even asked for? I didn’t know what was wrong with me. “Hey,” Tatsuki’s eyebrows were knit and I wished he wouldn’t look so guilty. “Please don’t be sad. I just want to do this right. I want your father to like me.”

I sighed. If I kept overthinking about everything Tatsuki was going to worry himself into a coma. I took a moment to drink him in, admiring the soft blue t-shirt that was stretched across his lean muscles. His black slacks were cleanly pressed and he was standing in a pair of shiny black combat boots, similar in style to my own. It was pretty standard casual wear for a SeeD, Tatsuki liked things simple, but I loved that about him. He didn’t need to be flashy or overstated, he was perfect the way he was. Besides, I was strange enough for the both of us. His thick black bangs hung like curtains in front of his eyes and I gingerly pushed them back as I stood on my tip toes to capture his lips. “Dad already loves you T,” I promised against the curve of his mouth. “But not as much as I do.”

My father had all but raised Tatsuki. He had never known his own father, who passed away long before he was born. Dad had taken Tatsuki under his wing without a second thought, and I knew it meant the world to my boyfriend. He respected my father deeply. “I hope its okay…but I told my mom about us. She’s really happy, she always really liked you Julie. Her heart is really broken over what happened.”

Hina was perhaps the sweetest woman I knew, apart from my own mother. Hina Mamoru had given Tatsuki her entire life, and that was what she had wanted. She opened the Timber Pet Shop with her husband Tadashi when they were young, it had been her husbands dream to breed and sell pedigree puppies in order to raise Gil quickly to pay for their fertility treatments. He had come from a large family, and he wanted one of his own. Hina was having a hard time conceiving, and they poured every bit of their savings into receiving IVF. Tadashi lost his life when G-Solider’s attacked during Timbers liberation, but Hina didn’t let that stop her. They had enough sperm saved away on ice that she could keep trying for just a little while longer, and a year after her husbands passing, Tatsuki was her miracle embryo. He was all she had left of Tadashi.

All Hina had ever wanted was to be Tatsuki’s mother, and I was hyperaware that I was standing in the presence of a miracle. “Tell her not to be. I wish…” I bit my lip hard and tears suddenly misted my eyes. I wanted the miracle that his mother had experienced. I wanted to help the Hina’s of the world with the gift growing inside of me, but I also didn’t. I reached for Tatsuki’s hand and pressed it firmly against my stomach. “I wish we could be telling her she was going to be a grandmother. I want with all my heart that this had gone a different way.”

Tatsuki’s heart shattered on his face and he didn’t break eye contact with me as he sank to his knees. I was barely pregnant, so definitely not showing, but I _was_ a little bloated and he dusted the slight swell with a kiss so gentle I scarcely felt it. “I told you it could be. I can tell her it is, I’ll sign the birth certificate, I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” He was looking up at me with a devotion I in know way deserved and I shook my head at him. I couldn’t let him do that. I couldn’t be that selfish. This baby wasn’t mine. It would belong to someone else soon.

My desire to be a mother was in direct conflict with my desire to be rid of any and all reminders of what had happened to me. I couldn’t afford to be that selfish. The baby wasn’t just a reminder for me, but a reminder for my family. _It’s not going to be your child forever._ I scolded myself firmly. _You’re giving life to someone else’s baby._ “I…want you to ask you mom if she knows anyone who wants a child. Someone who will love them with every ounce of their being. Someone who wants this baby the way she wanted you.” I whispered, unable to hold back the tear that slowly rolled from my cheek and dripped onto Tatsuki’s face.

“You want this baby to be loved.” Tatsuki sounded like he had a lump in his throat, and I caressed his face with the back of his hand as he slowly rose. He kissed my tears away and rubbed his hands swiftly over my arms in an attempt to combat the cold. I hadn’t realized before then that I was shivering.

“More than anything.” I admitted softly. I could see in his eyes that there were a million things he wanted to say to that, but he couldn’t seem to find the right words. I tried to smile at him. “I want the birth records sealed. I don’t want the child to ever know who I am or where they came from. I want them to have a fresh start where Soichiro can’t find them and no one has to know what they were a product of.”

That was the only thing that had been on my mind the last two nights. I didn’t have it in my heart to hate the child for existing. All I wanted was for them and some other family out there to have a chance. What I couldn’t understand was why I was so torn up about it. I assumed it was guilt, for not being strong enough to have the abortion, and I tried with all that I was to will those emotions away. This was the best choice for everyone involved. All that was left was talking to my parents about it. Tatsuki seemed to read my mind and he frowned as I shivered again. The winds were picking up and it almost looked as if it might snow. “Don’t think too hard about anything without talking to your parents first, okay? Come on, let’s get you warm. I won’t have either of you getting sick.”


	33. Chapter 33

*Squall’s Point of View*

Rinoa was angry with me, but as far as I was concerned, I had made the correct choice. Zell and Quistis needed to be made aware that their daughter was missing, we owed them that, and I needed to be back home with our little girl. Letting Rinoa listen to Julia’s voicemail was the only thing that had softened her resolve. I hated leaving her in danger as it was, but I hated even more to leave her heartbroken. I had held Rinoa all night, and when morning came on the horizon it took every ounce of strength in my body to pull myself from her. I trusted that my wife could handle herself, but I was her Knight. Being away from Rinoa felt wrong. I’d been her only protector for over twenty-three years. The only thing that brought me comfort as I stepped off the train in Aria North, was that Felicia would be there to help.

It was difficult, being the Knight to two people I desperately loved. I was only one man whose title and heart demanded he be in two places at once. I had sent the Ragnarok back to Rinoa, and I prayed she found Misty and made it back home to me as quickly as she could. I needed her, and our children needed their mother. I was grateful that Noctis had taken on the role of Knight for his sister, Yuna. He had proudly proclaimed it so the day she had been born. I smiled at the memory.

Noctis had always been glued to Rinoa’s side, and her pregnancy with Yuna-Rose was no exception. He had been sick at home with her when she had gone into labor and Julia and I left the SeeD ball to come and pick them up. I will never forget what we had walked in on. Rinoa labored fast, she always had, and she had her head thrown back in a loud moan as she gripped the bathroom countertop. Noctis had been twelve years old at the time and he had his skinny little body pressed completely against his mother’s belly. He was gently pushing down on her large abdomen with one hand and rubbing garlic powder into her hair with the other. “It’s okay, Mommy. This will help. I learned about gravity in school today! Ruby told me that vampires don’t like the smell of garlic neither, so don’t worry, I will protect you and Sissy until Daddy gets home.”

His little prepubescent voice was so bubbly and sweet, but I had been amazed at my wife’s strength and patience with him. She was in pain, but she never once snapped at our child. “Noctis, baby,” She panted, very gently removing his hands from her belly. “Please don’t push on Mommy’s tummy. If my water breaks before your daddy gets here, we are in big trouble. I will not be able to make it to the hospital if that happens, do you understand?”

None of our children at that point had been born at the hospital, and I had put my foot down when I learned we were expecting our second daughter. Rinoa had injured herself giving birth to Noctis, and she wasn’t as young as she used to be. The time between her contractions was almost nothing and her brow puckered as another strong one seemed to tear through her middle. She let out a small cry and our son very tenderly pushed on the top of stomach again. “You have to get her out, Mommy.” He said softly. “She’s hurting you.”

I had burst into the room and grabbed him, pulling him away from his mother in mild irritation as I worked to help her waddle to the car. Noctis had thought I was angry with him, but I wasn’t. I had flown into pre-parental panic and was more concerned about getting my wife to the hospital than I was coddling Noctis. It was something I regretted about our relationship in general. I wished I had been more nurturing. Our relationship was slightly strained. I loved all of my children, but I had been harder on my son. I had expected more of him than he was capable of giving, and I’d never forgive myself for it.

I shook the somber thoughts from my mind as I all but kicked my own front door down. I needed to see my Julia Raine. I needed to tell her everything was going to be okay. We would schedule a quick procedure and this would all be over. “Julie? I’m home, sweetheart.” I stood perfectly still in the living room, waiting for my favorite sound in all the world to echo off the walls. Ever since I’d been deployed to Trabia in the beginning, coming home from war to hear the pitter patter of my little girl’s footsteps running toward me? There was nothing in the world like it.

Her steps weren’t quite a pitter patter anymore, but my heart ached with relief and happiness in equal measure as I heard her tromp toward me just as quickly as she could. “Daddy!” She bolted down the stairs and leapt into my arms, melting against my chest as peels of automatic sobs poured from her lips.

“Shh, it’s okay, Juli-B. You’re okay. I’m here.” I whispered into her hair. I rocked her back and forth in my arms for a moment and a few of my own tears ran silently down my face. It was so nice to be back home. Next time I left I was taking my children with me, I couldn’t do it anymore. I was getting too old and too soft. “Did you enjoy your time with your grandparents?” I sniffled. “Where are your siblings?”

“Papa thought I needed peace and quiet, so Noctis and Rosie have been spending the night with Uncle Zell.” She explained. I was concerned at how desperately she clung to me, her fingernails digging small trenches into the flesh of my arms, even through my coat. “Nana and Papa are wonderful, but I’m so glad you’re home.” Julia nuzzled against the swell of my chest as if she were still an infant and I cradled her head just the same as I had when it was the size of a softball. “I want you to come with me to see the baby, Daddy. Please?”

I was a little confused, and I pulled back to look at her with a small frown. See the baby? There wasn’t going to be any baby. “Oh, Jules.” I crooned, petting her hair back to soothe away any fear she may have felt. “There doesn’t have to be any baby. Don’t you worry. I’m going to help you be rid of it. Let Daddy take care of you.” I shoved my hand in my back pocket to fish out my wallet, I still had a card in there from where I’d attempted to schedule her a D&C not long after the assault. I held the brightly colored card in my hand and smiled at her, though she suddenly had a green tint to her face.

“I won’t be calling that number.”

I blinked at her, completely misunderstanding what she meant. I’d never known my child to be shy, but she’d gone through something traumatic, so it made sense to me that she might not want to speak with a stranger over the phone about something so personal. “That’s okay, I can schedule it for you, I’ll take care of everything you need.” Her expression was pinched, if not slightly desperate, and I was completely in the dark as to why until I saw my father’s sleepy visage amble slowly down our stairs.

“Squall, it’s good to see you son.” His smile was warm, but there was pain and worry sparkling behind those leaf green eyes and my stomach felt as if it had fallen from my body. “Can I speak with you, please? Alone?”

I pressed a kiss to Julia’s forehead and asked her to wait upstairs for me before I made a B line for the fridge and grabbed for a beer. I was going to need something to take the edge off, Dad never looked at me like that unless something was wrong. I opened my mouth to ask, but I was cut off by the sound of Julia’s voice calling from the stairs. “Wait! Where’s Momma?”

Shit. I don’t know why I’d bothered to hope she wouldn’t ask. She loved Rinoa so much. “We’ll talk about that in a moment, baby. I’ll be right there.” That seemed to worry her, but she didn’t press me and she vanished before long as I turned my gaze back to Laguna. _This had better be good,_ I thought, _Julia isn’t acting the same._ I had never seen Dad drink before, but he stole the beer from my hands and knocked it back.

“I need you to prepare for the very real possibility that Julia is going to be a mother.” He blurted, sticking the bottle of alcohol back in my hand as if I’d still want it. I wanted to demand an explanation, but I couldn’t find my voice. There was no way in hell, not like this. Julia was barely an adult, not that I had any room to talk, having been a teenage father, but I knew how hard that was. I wanted better for my children. “Squall, before you start, you haven’t been here the last few days. She’s got her heart set on adoption. That’s a perfectly valid option, and I don’t see a thing wrong with her wanting to do that. I think an abortion would be a little too hard on her. But…” He swallowed hard and for a moment he looked as if he might cry. “Some of the things she says…I can feel her teetering on the edge of wanting to keep it.”

No. There was no way that was the truth. He didn’t see how she was when we arrived at the hospital that first night, he hadn’t held his bloody daughter while she struggled to gasp for air, half dead and clinging to life in his arms. He didn’t know what he was talking about, there was no way my baby wanted anything to do with what was growing inside of her. “You’re wrong.” I spat. “Who were you to talk to her about it without me? What did you put in her head?”

“Did you expect me to turn my granddaughter away when she came to me crying? Don’t be ridiculous, son. You’re not the only person who loves her. I haven’t encouraged her to do anything one way or the other, all I did was listen.” Dad huffed. “Listen to me, Squall.” He said gently, taking my hand in his own. I could tell he expected me to flinch away, but I was distraught, and the feeling of my father’s skin against mine was strangely comforting, so I didn’t. “You raised a strong woman, but a strong woman with a lot of love in her heart. She values the life she made. Do you not see the purity in that? She has every right to be filled with hatred and anger and she’s choosing not to be. Think about that before you speak with her, please. You have a very special daughter.”

Shit. There was no way to argue with any of that and I felt like my throat was going to close. My little girl had always had the ability to see light in the world where I could not, and it broke my heart in half to know I had been sent the purest angel my mother could conjure, and I’d allowed her to be hurt. I hadn’t protected her, and now her light was still guiding me through the dark, when I should have been the one guiding her. She was the one in the most pain, not me. She was the one suffering. I wanted to shoulder it all for her. It was killing me. “D-Dad…”

I lost my resolve and the next thing I knew I was curled into my father’s embrace, head buried in his chest as all the emotions I’d been holding in bubbled to the surface. His old withered hands curled into my greying mane and he held me there for a long moment. “Shhh. It’s going to be okay, son. And you want to know why?” I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head, but I didn’t have the strength to wiggle free of the warmth he’d enveloped me in. “You’re the best father in the entire world. I know it, and Julie knows it too. If anyone can help her make the decision that is best for her, it’s you. So long as you remember that it _is_ her choice, not yours.”

I couldn’t listen anymore; my heart couldn’t take it. Between being worried for my wife and agonizing over my daughter, my father showing me affection was too much stimulation for my emotions. I wasn’t able to process it and I could feel myself shutting down. “D-Dad…” I repeated, clutching him as hard as I had the day Julia had been born. “I love you.”

It wasn’t something I said often, and my father trembled slightly as he somehow found the strength to hold me even closer. “I love you too, my boy. So much.”


	34. Chapter 34

*Julia’s Point of View*

We hadn’t heard a word from my mother in the few days that passed between my father’s arrival and my scheduled ultrasound. I was worried sick, and Daddy had left her several voicemail’s that morning with no response. I could see that the guilt was eating him alive, he hated himself for leaving her behind. Nana and Papa had gone back to their own home to see Lissa off for a field trip mission she was gearing up for. She was going to be taking the SeeD exam this summer, and my grandparents were so proud of her. Noctis and Rosie were back home too. The only thing that hadn’t gone back to normal was the cold lack of my mother’s presence. I missed her.

“Julia, we’re going to be late.” My fathers voice was gloomy and depressed, and I couldn’t tell if it was because he missed Mom or because he was disappointed that I still hadn’t changed my mind about the abortion, or lack thereof. Tatsuki’s mom had a friend who was a childless widow and she was more than happy to adopt the baby. I had visited with her a few times, just to make sure she felt like a safe and loving person. She’s was Hina’s friend, so of course she had. Everything was working itself out.

“I want Mom.” I whined as I lamented that I could no longer throw my hair up in a ponytail. Cutting it as short as I had had been a mistake and I frowned at myself in the mirror. I supposed clipping it back for the day would have to do. Mom always knew what to do with the thickness of my hair, but moreover, I would have preferred both my parents to come with me to see the baby for the first time. It wasn’t like my mom to not answer a text from me or Daddy, and that alone made me not want to go to the appointment. What if she wasn’t alright? I should’ve been out looking for her instead.

Dad wasn’t having any of that and he nudged me toward the door with a pessimistic grunt. “I want Mom too, but…for right now we have to live with the fact that your Uncle Zell is out there looking for her and your cousin.” Even as he said so, his tone wasn’t comforting. My father loved my mother more than anything in the world, he wasn’t fooling me. He was destroyed without her. I had taken to crawling in the bed with him at night; I knew he couldn’t sleep alone. He’d spent the first two nights away from Mom drinking scotch in front of the fireplace until the sun came back up. I couldn’t watch him self destruct.

“She’s strong, Daddy.” It was hard to tell if I was trying to convince him or myself. If I didn’t know, Dad certainly didn’t. “Whatever is happening out there, she’s alive, and she’s coming home to us.”

There were dark circles under Dad’s eyes, and he smelled strongly of alcohol. He hadn’t been away from my mother this long in over fifteen years. He reached silently for the Cutting Trigger and jammed it into its holster before he pecked my cheek and reached for my hand. He couldn’t bring himself to smile at me, but his hand was comforting within my own. “We need to leave.”

I didn’t say much else to him as we clamored into the car and the vast expanse of Timber’s forests opened up around us. I could feel it in my bones. If anything happened to my mother, I would be an orphan. She was the other half of Daddy’s soul. He couldn’t and wouldn’t live without her. I honestly wasn’t sure that I could either. I placed my hands over my abdomen and rubbed at my baby’s temporary home.  _ Would you love me like that? If I kept you?  _ I wondered. How had my mother felt when I was growing inside of her? If Daddy wasn’t my Daddy…would she have felt any different?

It hurt that she wasn’t there for me to ask her. I needed my mother then more than I ever had and the separation anxiety was gnawing a hole through the lining of my stomach. I tried to focus on the greenery instead; Spring was finally starting to bloom in spite of the bitter cold that lingered, and I could see buds of lush pink and red flowers attempting to unfurl amid the frost. It almost wounded my heart. Even nature was preparing to give birth to new life, and not a single tree would give their blooms to another.

_ Why do you keep thinking like that?  _ I scolded myself.  _ Can’t you see how much you’re hurting Dad?  _ I braved a look at him, though I wished I hadn’t. The streaks of silver in his dark brown hair caught the sun and glistened as it hung with its own melancholy in front of his tired grey eyes. He was gripping the steering wheel too firmly and I imagined his knuckles were white as sheets inside his tight black gloves. I didn’t want to upset him further, but it felt like there was an elephant squatting on my chest, and I needed to ask him about something. “Papa…told me he’s pressuring the court to up Soichiro’s sentence to life or the death penalty. Have you heard anything? He said he was going to tell you.”

There was a flash of something in Dad’s eyes, but I couldn’t quite read it. His lips were pursed and there was a coldness to his demeanor that was unfamiliar to me. I was used to Dad being distant with strangers, but never with me.  _ I told you, you’re hurting him. He hates you.  _ My internal voice sneered. “People don’t get life in prison for rape, Jules, and they certainly don’t get the put to death over it. Those are first degree murder charges. I told him that, I wish he hadn’t put that in your head.”

I didn’t really know much about laws, which I guessed was pretty pathetic of a president’s daughter. I shrugged and avoided his gaze as I picked at the sensitive skin around my fingernails. I’d made a habit of that recently and my cuticles were swollen and red with irritation. “You think I’m being too dramatic.” I sighed. It neither a question nor an accusation. I knew that was how he felt, the tension inside the car was palpable. I pulled my knees to my chin and wished with all my might that I wasn’t alive. All I ever did was bring my father pain.

Dad must have seen something he didn’t like brewing behind my eyes because he slammed on the breaks in the middle of the road. “Julia Raine, you look at me.” His voice had softened, and he sounded more like himself. “You have every right to want him gone for good. I don’t think that’s dramatic…I just think your grandpa is an idiot. We should fight the law for something attainable. I want the maximum sentence for what he did to you, baby, I don’t want you to get written off because I look like some power-hungry dad in a position of power who think he’s above the law. You deserve justice.”

“Even if I love this baby?”

My father had reached out to soothe me, but I felt his hand drop the moment the words left my mouth. His voice was hoarse when he spoke, as if he were going to cry, and I screwed my eyes closed. I didn’t want so see the man I loved above all else shed any more tears over me. Dad didn’t cry often, and I loathed being the reason. “What?”

“Never mind.” I whispered.

There were other cars laying down on their horns behind us and Dad didn’t have any choice but to take the car out of park, but his right hand never once left my shoulder as we sped down the highway. “I will love you no matter what you decide. You could never invalidate the bond we have or my want to fight for you. Never. I am your father.”

I didn’t know what to say as we pulled into the parking lot of Timber Memorial and I glared daggers at the sterile white building. I hated it and I felt like it mocked me as its giant Plexiglas windows stared back into the deepest pit of fear I had. “Daddy, you know how much I love you, right? With my whole heart?” I asked tearfully, still glued to my knees. His fingers stroked my hair and I could feel him smiling at me, though I didn’t dare turn my gaze toward him.

“You know I do. You’ve been my little shadow your entire life.”

“Would you promise me something, then?” I asked, knowing full well that my father had never denied me anything as long as I’d been alive. I knew his answer, but I needed to be sure he knew. He needed to know full my heart was when he and Mom were around. They were everything to me, and nothing that I desired in that moment was designed to hurt them. It wasn’t a punishment, I didn’t want them to be reminded of what happened to me every single day that they had to witness me swell with…his child. It wasn’t about that, and I prayed they could forgive me.

“You name anything in the world and its yours. You know I’m not angry with you, right? I’m just worried about your mother, is all, I didn’t mean to take it out on you if I did.” His voice sounded so fragile and I shook my head quickly. I unbuckled and leaned over the console to press a reassuring kiss to his cheek.

“No, Daddy, I know. I miss Momma too.”

Dad’s grin was relieved, and he rubbed his nose against my own tenderly. “Then tell me what’s wrong. Let me fix it.”

I almost had to laugh at how sweet that was. Daddy had always been a fixer. He hated to see any of us sad or hurt. It was like he was angry with himself for being unable to shield his children completely from the evil of the world. I squeezed my middle again and a loving smile painted my lips. “Can this be the last time I ever have to come here?” I half begged, hating how small and needy my voice sounded, as if I were still a child. “I want a midwife. I can’t—I can’t give birth here, I h-hate it, it makes me…” I swallowed hard and unshed tears pricked my eyes. “It makes me feel afraid, Dad.” 

“I will never make you do something that makes you feel scared or threatened.” Dad promised as he ebbed a tear off my cheek with the back of his index finger. “I can get you a good midwife, better than the one I hired when you were born. You can have the baby in your own bed with me and your momma right here, and maybe even the adoptive mother if you feel comfortable. I’m sure seeing her child born would mean a lot to her.”

My smile fell. That’s right...Mrs. Brown. Nothing was official, but Tatsuki said she had been terribly excited during her phone conversation with his mother. I almost wished I’d never asked her to look. Part of me thought she wouldn’t find anyone, especially not so soon. According to Tatsuki, Mrs. Brown had been married to the original editor of the Timber Maniacs back when Timber had its original conflict with  Galbadia . The Timber War had seen him become a political prisoner at the D District Prison, and he had rather take his own life than live under Galbadian occupation. She was old, around my grandparent’s age, that was the only thing about her that gave me pause. “I. ..don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I said softly. “Let’s go meet the baby.” 


	35. Chapter 35

*Rinoa’s Point of View*  
Somehow I had known that my daughter was pregnant, but hearing it confirmed was a knife in my heart. As much as I hadn’t wanted Squall to go, I knew that our daughter needed her Knight far more than I needed mine. I wanted to go with him. I wanted to be there for my daughter, I wanted to be for her what my mother couldn’t be for me. And yet, there was another scared pregnant child in need of mothering on Winter Island, and I couldn’t leave her there to be abused. 

By all accounts, my mother should have still been alive. If my father hadn’t distrusted the people in Timber so completely, I was convinced she would still be there to watch her namesake have a baby of her own. Beyond being the reason, my mother had been in that car the night of the accident, he had made her life as well as my own a living nightmare. I could still smell the heavy smoky smell of his cologne and taste it in my mouth and my stomach threatened to empty itself. 

I had barely been five years old when my mother passed away, and yet I remember her like she was alive and breathing just yesterday. She had smelled of lilac and rose and she had the prettiest silky brown hair for me to play with. Julia seemed to have inherited that habit from me, the child couldn’t sleep without a fistful of my hair between her fingers. Squall found it endearing, but my father had been a sickeningly jealous man, and he didn’t like the thought of anyone but himself loving on his wife, her own child included. 

One such evening I had been curled in her lap, playing happily with a few strands of her hair as she rocked and sang me to sleep. My father had gotten quiet, distant. His hands were jammed angrily in his pockets as his icy glare stared out at the rain-slicked veranda. “If you’re done being fondled by the child, I’d like you in bed.” He muttered, his eyes fixated on something Mommy and I couldn’t see from where we sat. I shivered a little, afraid of his tone, and my mother held me firm against her shoulder and pressed a tender kiss to the top of my head. 

“Fury, Rinoa is four years old. A little nurturing could go a long way.” 

My father snorted. “She doesn’t need nurturing, she needs a good…” I couldn’t make out the final word, he’d said it too low, but I could feel my mother’s body tense around my own. She reached for my stuffed lion and powder blue baby blanket, swaddling me up nice and warm and popping the pacifier I was too old for into my mouth. It was the only way to console me when she left my side, and she slid me up onto the bed to approach my father. 

“I’ll be right back, Rinny. You stay right there.” I whimpered for her, but I knew better than to move as she jerked my father into the parlor adjacent to us by his uniform collar. Their voices were low, but I could hear the beginnings of what would be their final fight before my fifth birthday. “I see how you look at young girls,” Mommy hissed. “You have never hurt me, but I swear to Yevon if you put a finger on our little girl I will—”

My mothers voice was cut off abruptly and I heard him mutter something unintelligible as a pop of some sort seemed to bounce off the walls. He had never hurt her, so she claimed, but I guessed there was a first time for everything. It didn’t take a rocket scientist, even at four years old, to know he had struck her. I was pulled from the bitter memory when Felicia gently nudged me with her elbow. “Rin? You okay?”

I hated to be called Rin, or Rinny, it reminded me too much of life at ‘home’. Life before Squall. I shuddered. “Noa, please.” Felicia didn’t seem to understand the importance, her expression was confused, but I could see her make a mental note of it as she slowly nodded her head. 

“…Noa, then.” 

I nodded, chewing absently on the inside of my mouth as we stared at the small dwelling in front of us. The roof was half thatched on one side, but built of dented tin on the other, and the thin boards holding the walls together were old and full of holes. Most of the housing units in Shumi villiage were very nice, but this one…why in the world was the village Elder keeping his daughter in the singular house that didn’t seem fit for a church mouse. Then again, I thought bitterly, if my gut instinct was correct, the man didn’t give a damn about his child. “I’m fine. I just need to know something. Maybe…multiple somethings.”

Felicia didn’t question that and she rapt on the door three times before there was an answer. Mizuki mewled happily and kicked her tiny little feet in anticipation, of what I wasn’t exactly sure. It melted a little of the ice hardening at the edges of my heart and I reached to gently pet her soft head of curls. Fee and I exchanged a loving glance before a very meek voice answered the door. “C-Come in.” The heavily pregnant Shumi waved us inside, careful to conceal her hands, unlike her father. “My name is Larxine. To w-what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You don’t have to be afraid of us.” Felicia said gently. “We aren’t here to hurt you.” 

Larxine’s sleeve covered hands cradled her large belly, and it looked like we had interrupted her loving on her baby. There was a myriad of creams opened on the table, like she’d been rubbing her bump with something to sooth how she was stretching to accommodate the new life. She couldn’t have been more than a few days or weeks from delivery, she was enormous. “I apologize for how my father behaved in there. He…is typically pretty hard on the women. I’m very grateful that our…m-my son is a boy.” 

I swallowed hard and hot angry tears pricked my eyes before I could stop it. “That sick fuck.” I swore under my breath, and I knew she heard me, because she backed away a few paces and nervously went to put the kettle on. 

“It wasn’t always this way.” Larxine said gently. “The Shumi used to be a proud people. There are many of us that still adhere to the old way, but Father…he’s made a mockery of what we used to be, if I may say so. Shumi don’t evolve into an Elder if they are not worthy. I’m unsure of what changed him.”

It didn’t matter to me. Whatever Elder Marluxia may have experienced to twist his heart into something ugly, it did not excuse putting his hands on his daughter. It did not excuse there being a child nestled within her that was both her son and her brother. “Is he hurting all the women in the village the way he’s hurt you?”

Larxine’s face was slack of all emotion suddenly, but she nodded. “Half of the women here have mothered his offspring, whether they are family or not. Whether they are…compliant, or not. I have worry that the child you seek isn’t far from that fate. I’ve…tried to take good care of her. She’s fond of the baby.” 

The Shumi rubbed her swollen abdomen tenderly again and I felt as if I were going to be sick. She was talking about Misty. I remembered the night I left home for the final time clear as day. My mother had loved Timber above all the occupied territories in Galbadia. It was her favorite venue for her music, and she’d died there. It was the singular destination on my mind when I packed everything I could carry onto the first train out of Deling City. My father had pushed me too far that night. He had always been inappropriately handsy, but he was getting bolder the older I got, and the less I listened. 

I had been preening for a date with who I thought was a young SeeD. I had just met Seifer Almasy, who would proceed to be my summer fling that year once I was settled in Timber. He was just blowing through Deling, on a mission he told me, though it turned out it was yet another failed SeeD exam. He had asked me out for coffee. That was nothing too fancy, but I’d never been on a date before, and I was so excited. I had fished a skin-tight sequined dress from my mother’s closet and stuffed myself into it, twirling around in my full-length bedroom mirror in pure glee. I was sixteen years old, I could finally wear anything in her closet, and I was thrilled for the opportunity to be closer to her.

I held my stuffed lion to my chest and snickered, picturing all the romantic ways Mr. Sexy Danger Guy was going to sweep me away from all my problems. Seifer had the dreamiest blue-green eyes, and he the smirk he wore stopped my heart. I hated the way he cropped his platinum blonde hair, but for a ticket out of Deling? I could live with that. Maybe I’d coax something shoulder length out of him eventually. I was wild for a man with long hair. “This is it, Nigel. He’s going to love us.” 

I hadn’t heard That Man lingering in the doorway. I hadn’t felt his eyes on my slender waist or the curve of my rear. If I had, I’d have kept my big mouth wired shut. What gave him away was that nasty cologne and I choked on it as he moved silently toward me. “Who’s going to love you? The only person allowed to do that is Daddy, you know that.” 

I spun to face him, sneering with all my teeth bared as he grabbed for my wrist. “You are not my father. Don’t touch me!”

Caraway’s dark brown eyes seemed to glisten in the light of my bedroom and his playful expression waivered. He looked feral, like a cat ready to toy with his food and a prick of pure fear shot down my spine. Tonight is supposed to be special. I prayed. Tonight is for me and Seifer. Please don’t let him ruin it. “Don’t touch you? But here you are inviting it. You got all dolled up in Mommy’s clothes for me.”

My father swept my hair away from my neck and backed me into my mirror as he leaned forward. I could hear Angelo’s nails scratch against the hardwood floor as she came running, but her menacing growl sputtered into a pitiful whine as he kicked her away from us with all the strength he could muster. “L-Leave her alone!” 

“Hold still and I won’t crush the mongrel’s larynx.” I did as he asked, and bile rose in the back of my throat as his kisses trailed from my neck to my lips. He shoved his tongue inside my mouth and his hands fondled at my breasts, popping them from their confines with an ease that disturbed me. Before the birth of my first child my breasts were relatively small, and I wasn’t wearing a bra. 

He pawed at me and I could feel his arousal through his pants, and I wiggled to free myself. His mouth tasted like stale cigarettes and I bit his tongue when he refused to let up on his grip. He howled inside my mouth and recoiled, but not before rearing back and slapping me to the ground. Angelo limped toward me and nudged me softly with her nose as a string of expletives flew from my father’s mouth. “You’ll wish you hadn’t done that.” His tongue was bleeding, and he excused himself to tend to it while I picked myself up off the cold mahogany floor. 

“N-No more, Angelo. We’re leaving tonight. Surely we have enough saved. Go get your leash.” I knew if I didn’t leave that night, he’d have done something far, far worse to me. Standing there now, in front of Larxine, I knew that to be true more than ever. I could have just as easily ended up like her.   
I couldn’t find my voice, and I was lucky that Felicia had stayed behind with me. This wasn’t a battle I could wage own my own. I would need the emotional support. Felicia cleared her throat awkwardly and held onto her baby girl a little tighter. “Where is Misty Dincht?”


	36. Chapter 36

Larxine looked uncomfortable with the line of questioning. I was sure it had to be hard for her. It had taken a long time for me to fully mentally recover from what my father had done, although it was to a lesser degree than what had clearly transpired here. I wasn’t going home to Timber without Larxine, I had made my mind up then and there. “It’s okay. You can tell us. All we want is for you and your baby to be safe, and to find my goddaughter. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you anymore, do you understand?”

The Shumi was quiet for a long beat, contemplative. I admired how gentle her pitch-black eyes were. The cutest button nose was sandwiched in the middle of her pudgy cream-colored face, and small tufts of ginger hair adorned her crown. None of the male Shumi had any hair to speak of, and I thought she was beautiful. “There has been a man on the island for several weeks. None of the women trust him, but my father is keen on the boy. Even after he…did unspeakable things to my mother. I did my best to keep the child away from him when we found her and her companion, but she was taken from me last night as a housewarming gift for him. My father is allowing him to stay, since he’s bonded with my mother.”

“Bonded?” Felicia’s voice was so small when she spoke that it shattered my heart. I knew exactly what she was wondering, because I was wondering it too. I felt awful for my friend. Felicia and I had been close for many, many years, and nothing that had happened had the power to change that. She was just as devastated as I was.

Larxine nodded. “Once a Shumi has mated with a human they are considered outsiders. She belongs to him now.”

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered. My stomach dropped and Felicia refused to look at me. Her eyes were screwed shut and she was rocking Mizuki gently as she slumbered in the pouch strapped to her chest. We both knew, but I needed to hear it. “This outsider…did he give you his name?”

The baby must have kicked or stretched, because Larxine winced a little and her huge belly visibly jerked forward a little. The child must have been big, and he was clearly running out of space. I remembered that feeling well, Noctis had been six days overdue and quiet a large little boy. “His name is Ichi, that’s all he would say. He wouldn’t tell us of his motherland, but the accent sounded Timberian.”

Soichiro’s name had been blasted all over the news, he knew better than to give anyone his full name. Ichi had to be him. I reached for Felicia’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, but it wasn’t enough. I could see the light leaving her eyes and she sank to her knees as a tight wail rattled her lungs. Larxine was startled and both of us knelt down to check on her as I pulled her head into my lap. “Shhh, it’s okay, Fee. You can go back to the hotel if you want. I can handle this.”

Felicia reached to gingerly pet Larxine’s belly and she cried harder as she felt the child wriggle beneath her palm. “I have to keep you and this baby safe from my s-son, I will _n-n-not_ let him hurt anyone else.” Mizuki was getting upset and she whimpered at the sound of her mother’s hysteria.

“Fee, listen to me. I want you to take Larxine back to the hotel and lock yourselves in there until I say otherwise. Guard her, if anyone comes through that door you run them through with your gunblade, no questions asked.” I said urgently, helping both mothers to their feet as I heard a commotion brewing outside the house.

Felicia sucked in a sharp breath and attempted to recompose herself. “You’re my president, ma’am, I can’t just leave you to—”

“And you’re my vice president, as of this very moment. You’re the only person I trust to do this for me, do you understand? Don’t worry about what Squall will say, I can do this myself. I need you and Mizuki and Larxine to be safe. Your lives matter, and you’re in no shape.” There was a hard edge to my voice that I almost never used, and it seemed to get through to her. She straightened a little, squaring her shoulders back and offering me a SeeD salute.

Felicia grabbed Larxine’s arm, careful to avoid her hands, and ushered her quietly out the back door of the hut as I drew Shooting Star and peaked cautiously through the dark violet curtains. I had lost the weapon years ago back when Angelo had died, but Squall had handmade me a new one as an anniversary gift a few years later, and this one came with a few handy upgrades. I was a Sorceress, but Squall didn’t want me drawing attention to myself using only my powers in combat. Timber was the largest Sorceress Sanctuary in the world, and even still, being a Sorceress was not a safe thing among many circles.

It was getting dark out, but there was enough light in the diming sky to illuminate the sheen of a long metal whip and I knew immediately who was causing trouble. Squall had promised to send either Zell or Quistis out to help look for Misty, and it looked like I was in luck. The cavalry had arrived. I jerked the front door open and dodge rolled into the center of the scuffle, narrowly missing the lashing of thick iron as I shot a projectile into a Shumi’s fat and bulging neck. Squall and I had assumed Zell would be the one to come, since they had a two-year-old running around at home, but clearly Quistis had proved us wrong.

Quistis’s long blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun and she was tucked into a stunning orange halter and skirt combo. I gloomily wondered if I was the only one of our friends not to snap back after pregnancy, and Quistis had given birth to triplets. That was _so_ not fair. “I could have hit you, Rinoa.” She snapped, but I was so happy to see her I couldn’t have cared any less.

I opened my mouth to ask everyone to calm down, I wasn’t sure what had started the scuffle, when I heard a familiar sing-song voice ring out in the distance. “Woohoo! I’ve got the fat one by his gobble!” I knew immediately that Quistis had roped Selphie into the adventure and my heart ached with nostalgia. Squall still harbored bitter feelings for the bargain against my life Selphie had made with Ultimecia, but I understood it. She had been desperate to save her son’s life, and as a mother, though I’d have never done the same, I understood that primal desire to protect better than he did. It was different when the child had come from your body.

Having the ‘fat one by his gobble’, no doubt referred to Elder Marluxia, and my excitement to see my friends wore out quickly. This was going to turn into a full-scale war if I didn’t do something fast. I bit back a laugh as Selphie finally came into view, her skinny tooth-pick legs woven tightly around Marluxia from behind as her nunchaku dug tight into the flex of his meaty neck. “Some things are going to change around here. The women of Shumi village _will_ be liberated and Amethyst Dincht will be returned to my custody. Whether or not we do it peacefully is up to you.” I shouted, cocking the Shooting Star and aiming it toward Marluxia’s forehead.

Elder Marluxia’s expression soured and the stale air quivered as his laughter floated through the tense atmosphere. “You realize you’re declaring war, don’t you, Leonhart? Not so calm and collected without your husband here to keep you on his leash, I see. Maybe all women need a Knight to keep them in check.”

“I don’t think your village would mind too much if I gutted you where you stand.” I growled. This was not a matter of politics any longer. He was raping and abusing these women like they existed to be his playthings and breeding grounds. I wasn’t going to feel too terrible about starting a war over that. I’d fight it in Julia’s name, I had already liberated a nation for her once, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. If I had known the Shumi women were being treated this way, Timber would have stepped in a lot sooner. I wasn’t about to let any women suffer on my watch, Sorceress or otherwise.

“Consider war declared then, you Galbadian mongrel…your filthy daughter deserved what happened to her.”

Selphie and I moved in tandem. Her nunchaku would have snapped his neck with the sheer force she put behind her assault had I not already leapt in for the kill. A long, thin serrated blade sprung from the tip of the Shooting Star and sawed into his jugular with a vigor that took his head clean off. It was one of the many upgrades Squall had included in my new weapon. Quistis had gone pale behind us, but she stood her ground, staring the other Shumi down as they slowly backed away from the bloody mess. “Where the hell is my daughter. You have ten seconds.”

A myriad of male Shumi muttered frantically, radiating nervous energy as they coward away from the three of us. One of them pointed a long finger at a house near a sprawling pond, not too far from the where the Elder had lived. I remembered that house well. Squall, Zell and I had visited the Shumi Village once before, back when I had first hired them for the Timber Liberation job. It was unrecognizable from the way it was now, but I remembered thinking the pond was beautiful. It was full of shiny rocks and frogs, and it had given the whole village this warm forest atmosphere that was inviting and reminded me of Timber. There was nothing inviting about the village now, and the pond was almost black with pollution. It broke my heart.

“MOMMY! DADDY!” Amethyst’s voice suddenly screeched from the house in a blood curdling scream, and the Shumi scattered in all directions as the three of us shot into overdrive. Quistis lead the pack, strangling anything and anyone in her path with her whip as she raced toward her daughter’s location. Selphie and I were hot on her heels and none of us were prepared for the palpable revulsion we were about to walk in on.

Quistis’s high heeled boot splintered the door and she dropped her weapon immediately as she caught a glimpse of her little girl. The inside of the house seemed clean and tidy, save for the fragile limp body of the twelve-year-old girl crumpled in the center of the room. Her face was swollen and blue, as if she had been beaten multiple times, and blood was pooling beneath her body from a fresh incision in her forearm. A deep plus sign had been carved into her skin, from the looks of it a matter of moments before our arrival, and there was a note perched atop her heaving chest.

Quistis was beside herself with grief and panic, and she wept over the girl as I carefully pulled the paper into my hands. “She’s alive, Quisty.” I heard Selphie say. “You need to be strong for her right now, we have to get her out of here.”

I unfolded the almost pristine piece of line paper and my handles trembled as I read off the two singular words scrawled in a sickeningly familiar handwriting. The only thing the note said was “I know.” There was nothing else in the world that could mean. He had carved a plus sign into Misty’s skin. This wasn’t about her, this was a message. He knew about the baby. 


	37. Chapter 37

*Julia’s Point of View*  
I held perfectly still as the doctor poured the cold blue goo on my tummy and Dad was gripping my hand as hard as he could with his lips pressed firmly to my knuckles. It hurt a little, but it was comforting in the same breath. I knew he was afraid of what my reaction would be, and to some degree, afraid of his own reaction. We were about to see a child that we had no idea what we were truly going to do with. I had an inkling that Mrs. Brown was going to adopt the baby, but I also didn’t want her to. My feelings were complicated, and it made me nervous that my father had been so adamant that I get an abortion. What if he couldn’t handle seeing it? What if he freaked out?

I was trembling a little as the black and white sonogram suddenly fizzled into view and the doctor rolled the stick of the machine around in circles on my abdomen. “You see that teeny tiny little circle right there?” She asked, pointing to a small, blueberry sized blip on the screen. “That’s your baby. It’s working hard to grow little hands and feet inside of your right now. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”

My dad opened his mouth and was already shaking his head no, but I cut him off. It wasn’t his decision to make, and I was fascinated with the tiny little blip in my belly. They were so small, and yet they were alive and nestled inside of me safe and sound as could be, cuddled to the lining of my tummy. “I want to hear.” Dad shot me a desperate look, begging me to change my mind with his eyes, but I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t hear it. There was a pull deep inside of me, and I needed to know what it felt like. 

“Okay, if you’re sure. Here we go.” The doctor pressed a little monitor against my tiny nugget and all of a sudden the room filled with the most perfect sound I had ever heard. The heartbeat was so strong, and rapid, and my hands fluttered to the spot where the baby lay. I got gel all over me, but I didn’t care. I could…I could hear my child. They were mine. All mine. Forget Soichiro, forget Mrs. Brown, forget my father. In that moment, there was no one in the room but me and that little bean. 

“Hi there, precious one.” I mused, stroking my belly as I listened to that heartbeat like it was my own lifeline. I could hear Daddy starting to cry and guilt roiled in my stomach. I knew this was exactly what he had wanted to avoid. I was attached. I wanted my child. I couldn’t help it, there was love in my heart for the little thing, and I knew it wasn’t its fault that it existed, anymore than it was mine that I did. “I know this is a good hospital.” I said softly. “They were able to do a paternity test here when I was small, in just a few hours. Can you do that with genetic tests? I want to make sure it’s healthy…and…I want to know my baby’s gender.” 

My father had told the doctor that I wasn’t keeping the child, so she seemed a little confused, but she offered me a cheerful smile. “Oh, of course, Lady Leonhart. If that’s what you want, we can whip those up for you in a few hours. Make yourselves comfortable. I’ll go get what we need from the lab.” 

“Julia Raine, what are you doing.” Dad asked softly, wiping his tears on the back of his jacket sleeve. The doctor excused herself and I refused to look at him, eyes still glued to the sonogram. I wanted to badly to see it move, even though I knew that wasn’t possible yet. “Mrs. Brown is looking forward to this adoption, you can’t play with people’s emotions and family planning, sweetheart.”

“I didn’t promise her anything, Dad. Mrs. Mamoru told her I might be interested in giving the baby up. I…I’m not so sure anymore. Actually, that’s not true.” I admitted. “I am sure. She can’t have them.” 

Dad put his head in his hands and took several long deep breaths. He was mad at me, or at least he was trying not to be, I could tell. For once in my life I didn’t really care. I didn’t want my father to be sad, but he could be angry with me if he needed to be. If it would help him grieve. I didn’t mind. “W-What do you mean she can’t have them? She’s a good candidate for—you were so adamant on helping a family who couldn’t have a child.” His voice was frustrated, and I flinched a little. 

“I love them.” I croaked, suddenly losing control of my emotions as a wave crashed down on me. “I w-wanted to be useful, I wanted my pain to help someone else but I’m s-selfish, and I want to be a mother and I want this baby a-and I don’t u-understand why.” I hiccupped and my body trembled violently as I pulled my sticky hands up to my face. I felt guilty and embarrassed and I wanted my mom. It felt kind of nice, though, in the same breath, to finally admit to myself what I knew from day one. I had never not wanted the baby. 

I held my phone to the doppler device and recorded the sound of the child’s heart beating to leave on Mom’s answering machine, since she couldn’t be there with me. I wanted her to get to hear it, too. I missed her so badly. “What are you doing?” Dad’s voice was withdrawn, absent. It broke my heart. 

“You don’t think Momma will want to hear—”

“I think your mother wants what we all do.” He snapped. “You shouldn’t have to do this.”

My dad had never once hurt me before right then, in that moment. I knew he hadn’t meant to, but he had just the same. I looked at him and I watched him outwardly fracture as he gauged my reaction. “What we all do? Funny. Guess we aren’t part of this family, then, because clearly Nugget and I didn’t get the memo.” I pushed the ultrasound off me and wiped at the blue substance on my belly with the sleeve of my coat. I needed out of that room, I couldn’t breathe, and I nudged my father out of the way as he reached for my arm. 

“Baby, wait, I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean…Julie!” 

I stomped out into the hallway to get some air and ran into the nurse, who was carrying an armful of needles and baggies. She was wearing a pretty pink pair of scrubs and I tried my best to smile at her through the tears. “C-Can we do the tests out here? Is that okay?”

She put a concerned hand on my shoulder and narrowed her eyes at my father as he came barreling out of the cramped hospital room. “It’s not clean enough in the hallway, sweetheart. What is going on, do I need to call security?” 

“No,” I said softly. “He can stay.” I couldn’t look at him, but I could hear his ragged breathing from a mile away. Daddy was panicking. We had never really been angry with one another before. Even when he had disciplined me as a child, there was never an ounce of anger in his punishments, he didn’t like to have negative interactions with any of us. It had been made very clear to me from a young age that there was a part of my father that would always be terrified that one day Mom and I were going to hate him. 

I felt Dad take my hand before the nurse could respond and he squeezed it with all the strength he had left in his body. “If my daughter wants tests ran on my grandchild, let’s get it over with quickly, please. I want her home.” 

My heart stopped dead in my chest at the word grandchild, like none of this had truly been real before he uttered that word. I felt like I was six years old again as I finally looked up at him, like I was small and vulnerable. His grey eyes were puffy and red, and he was forcing himself to smile at me. The pain was etched into his face and I couldn’t take it. “D-Daddy you don’t have to…you don’t have to call it that—”

Dad reached for my arm and pulled me tightly against his chest. He smelled my favorite way, like he always had. Sandalwood and musk. I buried my face into his chest and my shoulders shook violently with a whirlwind of mixed emotions. I was both devastated and wholly happy in the same moment. None of it made any sense, and I knew that must have been how my father felt, too. “If you intend to keep it, then that’s what it will be to me.” His voice was trembling, and he sucked in a shaky breath as a tight sob rattled in his chest. “Don’t you ever say that again. P-Please. You’re everything to me, you and your mother and your siblings. You will a-always be my little girl.” 

“You don’t hate me? You have every right to hate me. I hate myself.” I gripped at his t-shirt as hard as I could, and he gasped for air as another peel of emotion leaked out of his body. He swayed with me in his arms for a long moment and the nurse respectfully looked away from us, allowing us the time we needed to process what was happening together.

“I could never. You know I could never, you’re…you’re half of me, baby, do you understand that? You have half of my whole heart, the other belongs to your momma.” He was forgetting about Noctis and Yuna, but I knew what he was trying to say. He was just so upset, I was all that was on his mind. He placed his hand on my abdomen for the very first time since he had learned I was pregnant, and I slid my hands over his own, holding him there. “Give me some time…b-but I promise…if you love it, I will too. Please don’t take them and go.”

What? I was a little upset, but I wasn’t going anywhere. The fact that he was still that frightened of losing us shattered something deep inside of me and I choked on the harsh bout of tears wedged in my throat. “H-How could you think that? I would never leave y-you or keep them from you!”

The nurse finally put her hand on the small of my back and I flinched away from the unfamiliar touch. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but this isn’t good for the fetus. Let’s get you some blood work ran, hmm?” 

My father slapped her with a sour look but conceded. He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he walked me back into the examining room. His free hand was still planted firmly on my abdomen, and I knew that he meant what he said. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, Bean.” The ugly purple flowers on the wallpaper seemed to weep for us and I wrinkled my nose as I hopped back up on the crinkly tissue papered examining table. I hated the hospital, but I was so grateful that my father had come with me. I couldn’t have done it alone. Dad seemed to have similar thoughts, staring with a lopsided frown at the harsh florescent lighting overhead. He patted my knee, like he always had to soothe my worry at checkups when I was small. “I love someone so much, I called their boyfriend to meet us outside. He brought you some food.” He said gently. 

The nurse pinched the skin of my arm to draw my blood, but I barely felt it as I grinned up at my Dad. I couldn’t believe he had called Tatsuki, who he had sworn up and down he wanted kept at arm’s length after Nana’s tattle telling that he had spent the night. Maybe things were finally falling into place. “That means the world to me, Dad. It really does. Thank you.” 

He kissed my forehead once more, and a real smile finally lit his swollen eyes as he ran his fingers absentmindedly through my bangs. “I know my daughter.”


	38. Chapter 38

Tatsuki had brought Dad and I something to eat while we waited for my test results to come in, and then we got to go home a few hours later with ultrasound pictures and a flurry of good news. My child was healthy. Every single screening and test had come back negative for any abnormalities in the baby’s growth, but the genetic testing was what had really pushed me from relieved into absolutely elated. They could tell from her chromosomes; my little one was a girl.

We were sitting on the couch, pouring over her first pictures with a love that rocked me to my core. I hadn’t understood my feelings in the hospital, and I understood them even less as I stared at her little body in my living room. Why did I suddenly feel like…I could have given my life for that baby? In a heartbeat? A literal heartbeat. Was that normal? Tatsuki had sort of wanted me to keep the baby from the start, I could see it in his eyes, and his face was swollen with tears as he cuddled into my side. His own joy was contagious as it was, and for a moment I really felt like he and I were about to be a family. Tatsuki was cradling my abdomen and Dad was watching us with a close eye.

It wasn’t that he distrusted Tatsuki, but I think he was weary of the excitement we were wrapped in. Dad hadn’t warmed up to the baby yet, and that was okay with me. He needed space, and I understood that. If my own feelings were confused and complicated, I couldn’t even imagine how it must have been for my parents. Noctis had been very, very sullen since we had arrived back home, too. I wanted to ask what that was about, but my heart was filled to the brim when I heard keys jingle in the deadbolt.

Daddy and I both shot to the door as it swung open, and the day couldn’t have gotten any better in my eyes. Momma was home! I knew how much Dad needed her back, and I lingered behind for a moment so he could jerk her into his arms. Mom squeaked a little in surprise, but her fingers automatically curled into his hair as she petted it back in a soothing motion. He clung to her as if she’d been gone for months and she kissed all over his face. “It’s okay, Squally. I’m home, I’m safe.”

“You’re hurt.” Dad whimpered, examining every little nick and bruise that dared to dust her gorgeous face. If he had been pressed against her any harder, he’d have been inside her body and Mom laughed gently as she leaned forward and whispered something I his ear. She was rubbing his back and arms gently as she did so, and he seemed to relax, if only a little. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. Did you hold down the fort while I was gone?” Mom leaned forward playfully and booped the tip of his nose with her own. He rolled his eyes, pretending to be irritated as he stepped a few paces back and recomposed himself. He already looked more himself, just having her near, and it was that kind of love that I looked up to.

I wasn’t going to wait for Dad to answer her, I was ready to spend time with my mother. I opened my arms as wide as I could, and Mom shrugged her bags off her shoulders and into the floor as she sucked me into a bone crushing embrace. “My Julie girl!” All was finally right with the world and I buried my face into her hair.

“Momma!” Her windchime of a laugh warmed my entire body and Daddy wedged his fingers between us carefully with a grunt.

“Noa,” He scolded. “Precious cargo.”

That was the very last thing I expected of my father after that doctor’s appointment, and I looked at him like he’d just struck me. Dad offered a small, encouraging smile, and Mom’s happy expression never once waivered. Somehow I had known she was going to take it easier, and her very presence seemed to soften my father’s heart. She truly was his missing piece. “I did get your voicemail.” She loosened her grip a little and lightly dusted her fingertips against my tummy. “I assume this means I’m having a grandbaby?”

“A granddaughter.” I announced proudly, presenting her with what I now considered to be my most prized possession. Mom took the small pictures into her hands and her eyes welled with tears for a moment, but only a moment. Tatsuki was at my side instantly, laying a hand on my back. He’d been hovering from the moment I’d told him I was keeping her, I was kind of in love with it.

“Well who would have thought, Squall. They can tell so early these days, remember how much agony I was in waiting until my twenty-week ultrasound to find out what Julia was? This is a blessing.” She knelt suddenly, pressing her lips firmly against my flat stomach. “I knew forty was old! Hello baby girl! It’s your Nana.” Mom was being super sweet, and I knew the majority of it was an attempt at making sure I felt validated. It was also her way of letting my father know that our new normal was going to be okay, I was so grateful for that.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Momma. We were worried.”

Mom stood up straight and kissed my cheek, turning her back on us to open the door a little wider. “You guys can come in now!” Dad narrowed his eyes at the shuffle of movement we could here outside and he and Tatsuki shrugged at one another. I knew my father didn’t want company over before he’d left, and by the looks of his expression his feelings hadn’t a bit changed. Mom either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and I squinted at the doorway as a very pale Felicia stumbled over the threshold.

Aunt Selphie waltzed in behind her on the arm of what appeared to be a heavily pregnant Shumi and closed the door behind them, throwing her hands up in the air in pure joy. “Julie! I haven’t seen you in ages!” There was a reason for that, and I scowled at her. No one who would betray my mother was a friend of mine, whether she’d lent my parents aid in Shumi Village or not. I eyed the Shumi curiously, I had never met one in person before, and she looked a little frightened to be so far from her home.

“It’s very nice to meet you, my name is Julia. May I ask yours?” I extended my hand to her, ignorant and unaware of what was and was not polite in their culture, and my father quickly apologized on my behalf.

My cheeks burned hot with the sting of embarrassment as I jammed my hands into my pockets. I prayed I hadn’t made her uncomfortable. She smiled graciously and rolled her long sleeves up to reveal a pair of large elongated hands. “No, First Gentleman Leonhart, it’s alright. Her mother has earned my respect, and I will extend it gladly to the child. She saved my life.” We made eye contact and she smiled again. “My name is Larxine, and this,” She said happily as she cupped her large belly. “is my son, Xelas.”

I waved at her bump and excitement blossomed deep inside my chest. I was going to look like that one day. One day in the near future. “Hello there, Xelas. My baby doesn’t have a name yet, but she says hello too.” Dad flinched a little, turning his face from me, and a little of my bliss tapered off. I was doing it again, wounding him with the joy I had no right feeling. It was easier for me to be enthusiastic about my child then is was for me to wallow in pain that bubbled just below my hearts surface. I saved that for my near constant night terrors.

Tatsuki noticed how my mood waivered and he shot my father a withered glare. He had nothing but love and respect in his heart for my dad, but I could already tell they were going to butt heads when it came to this baby. Daddy wanted to be happy for me, I could see that he did, but he was a little overwhelmed and confused. We all were. “Are you alright ma’am? I trust Madam President got everything at the village resolved?” He asked her seriously, ignoring the snarky frown he got from Dad in return.

Larxine twiddled with her fingers anxiously and her brow knit as I followed her gaze to my mother, who was making sure Felicia and Mizuki were propped up on the couch and wrapped in warm blankets. Felicia looked like she was in shock, and it was the first I’d noticed that my mother was covered in blood. “Not exactly. Your president did what she could, she saved a lot of lives. You should be proud of her. But…the Shumi have declared war on Timber.”

“Excuse me?” My father erupted icily, narrowing his eyes at my mother and Selphie. “I leave you alone for two seconds—”

“Don’t you start with me.” Mom sounded so angry all of a sudden that I audibly heard my father whimper. He was never usually the one to back down from an argument, even with Mom, but she’d been gone for such a long time and he was already miserable. “You have no idea what happened when you left. We dropped Misty off in the ICU before we got here.”

I think Mom noticed that for multiple reasons my father was a wet, wounded kitten, and he was sullen as she offered him a warm smile. “Babe, why don’t you go run us a bath, hm? There is a lot we need to discuss in private, as husband and wife. As a team.”

Daddy had been hovering around me much in the same way as Tatsuki, and he lingered, reluctant to go. He pulled the ultrasound pictures from my hands and tucked them into the family photo album that was situated on our coffee table before he pressed a brief kiss to my temple. “If you need anything in this world, you come and get me. Tatsuki…can stay…but you leave the door open where I can see you, do you understand?”

I nodded and pecked his cheek, watching as he formed his lips into a hard line and stomped up the stairs. Our family seemed like it was coming apart at the seams, and I knew he hated nothing more than feeling like our lives were out of his hands. He hated that he couldn’t control fate. It terrified him. Mom’s voice must have floated up the stairs, because Dad and Noctis passed one another as my brother practically slid down the bannister to get to our mother. “MOMMY!”

It didn’t matter how old Noctis got, Mom was Mommy and she was a perfect angel in his eyes. Dad was hard on Noctis, but not Mom. Mom had babied him from the moment he’d sprung from her womb. His long onyx hair flopped in his brown eyes and he dived for her, pressing the plush of his fluffy black pullover against her bloodstained tank. “Nocty.” Momma radiated warmth as she held my brother firmly to her bosom. They had a bond like no other. “It was so hard being away from my little man.”

Noctis was sixteen years old. Most teenagers his age would have thrown a fuss over the baby talk, but my brother wasn’t most teenagers. He devoured every ounce of attention either of my parents spared for him, but especially Mom’s. “I protected Sis, just like you. She had fresh garlic every night, and I lined T’s pockets with it too.” Tatsuki’s expression was priceless and he started rummaging around in his trouser pockets to see if anything was amiss.

“That’s my good boy. I’m proud of how much you love your sister.” Mom was looking at Noctis like he was made of the richest gold in all of Timber, and I was happy to see him getting some positive attention. The boy was starved of it, and I felt like it was my fault. He had turned out so different, while I had chased after every goal our father had set in front of me. We were just very different people, and I hated that Dad seemed to favor me because of it.

“’course I do, Momma.” Noctis said seriously. “I just wish…” His expression was gloomy, and he stared at my midsection for a beat too long, like he was wishing ill on the baby nestled inside of me. I frowned at him, and I opened my mouth to say something when Tatsuki let out a snort of disbelief.

“I’ll be damned.” He muttered. I turned to look at him and I stifled a laugh at his inside out pockets. At least eight cloves of garlic had fallen out and the white of the material was now stained a piss-yellow. “Now I know why Mercy was pecking my legs earlier. Thanks, bud.”


	39. Chapter 39

_Drip._

_Drip._

_Drip._

The sound of a leaky faucet pinging off a dense body of water echoed throughout the cold of the void. A glistening porcelain bath stood in stark white contrast to the vast nothingness stretched before me. I felt heavy and there was a sharp pain in my distended belly as I ambled toward the tub. I walked. And walked. Then I walked some more. The distance in the darkness seemed to grow only longer and the searing pain in my abdomen worsened as the leaking grew to be a deafening ring in my ears.

_Drip._

_Drip._

_Drip._

The claws of a gut-wrenching cramp tore at my middle and when I doubled over, what had been a mile long stretch to the claw-foot tub was suddenly no more. I was too close now, and my top-heavy body fell forward into the mass of scalding water. There was blood leaking from between my legs and the water ran crimson. _No, please. Yevon, please. Not my baby, not when I just accepted her into my heart. Not my baby._ I prayed, yet I felt no peace, and the walls of the tub seemed to melt around me. The porcelain stretched like it was made of rubber and formed into spindly arms that I recognized at an instant. Those were Ichi’s hands.

“You sure do look like your mother. Too bad she didn’t have to…you selfish whore.”

_No!_ I screamed back at his voice. _Finish the sentence this time, you coward!_ _Too bad she didn’t have to what?_ Instead of repeating the sentence over and over as he usually did in my nightmares, Soichiro’s sickening smile could be felt in every crevasse of my surroundings. “Are you sure you want to remember what I whispered to you, when I put my daughter inside of you?”

_She is not your daughter! She will never be yours, you’ll never see her as long as there is breath in my lungs._ My screams fell on deaf ears as something small and warm sept from my body. My bump was gone, vanished with Soichiro as I brought the child’s tiny body up to my face. She was full term and beautiful, but her chest was still, and her little eyes and mouth were stitched closed. Her skin was blue and cold to the touch and I screamed aloud as my body suddenly jerked with wakefulness.

“TRINITY!” I screamed, bolting up right completely drenched in sweat as I came out of yet another horrible night terror. I thought they would ease a little the more days passed since my assault, but they seemed to only be getting worse. “T-Trinity, full of g-grace, Heaven hear my p-prayer. Yevon, Hyne, S-Spira. Yevon, H-Hyne…” I had ripped Yevon’s circular yellow emblem from above my bed and I had it pressed against my chest as I chanted the prayer my grandfather had taught me at the family altar when I was young.

“Who is Trinity?” Tatsuki asked, eyes wide with alarm as he sat up in my bed and turned on the lamp sitting on my nightstand. His hands were all over me, whispering sweet nothing into my ear as he used my ice pink sheets to delicately dab the sweat from my brow. “Julie what’s wrong?”

Tatsuki didn’t understand that trinity didn’t refer to a person, his mother wasn’t even slightly religious. My father hadn’t been either for the longest time, but my mother and Papa believed. The trinity prayer referred to the Holy Trinity of the Church of Yevon. There were two gods and one goddess that belonged to the religion, which dated back to Centra’s original civilization, before the Lunar Cry. Yevon was the only begotten son of the goddess Spira, who birthed light back into the world on Christmas, ushering in the end of winter and a burst of new life in the springtime. Hyne was Spira’s consort and the father of Yevon, who gave women the gift of magic in Spira’s image.

God existed as three persons but one being, having one united divine nature. Gaia was purified of sin every winter equinox, and I needed to believe in a cleansing power then more than ever. The mental image of my poor sweet daughter laying dead in my arms was choking me, and I didn’t have an answer for Tatsuki. “M-My baby! My little girl!” I wailed, clutching at my still-flat abdomen for dear life.

I could see pure unadulterated terror touch Tatuski’s dark chocolate eyes and he desperately grabbed for my middle as he shushed me as best he could. “Trinity is…the baby? What about our baby? What’s wrong with her, are you hurting? Are you bleeding? Julia talk to me, please.” His voice was strangled with hysteric tears and his use of the word ‘our’ was a dagger in my gut.

Tatsuki wanted the baby as much as I did. What was he going to do if she didn’t live? What if my broken body couldn’t carry her? My throat was swollen shut and I caressed the sides of my love’s face in an attempt at grounding myself in reality. _Stop panicking._ I scolded myself. _It can’t be good for her._ “I need to know she’s alright, I need to h-hear her.”

“Okay, I can make that happen, but I need you to answer me please.” Tatsuki’s voice was gentle as always, but firm, and he pulled me against his chest as he swaddled me in blankets. “Are you hurting or bleeding anywhere, or did you have a bad dream?”

“B-Bad, awful, a-awful dream, T. I c-c-can’t…I just got her, I can’t—I’ll die.” I choked, snot running down my face as he breathed a sigh of relief and rocked me in his arms. For a moment he had thought I was miscarrying, and I hated to have frightened him. Tatsuki wiped at my face again, lovingly humming as he swayed. His arms were muscular, but still plush enough to be comfortable as I curled into a tight ball alongside his body.

I seemed to have taken the opposite view from the rest of the family. The baby wasn’t a punishment for what had happened to me, she was the only reason I was going to survive it. She was a gift from Yevon, to help me through it all. I was given something to nurture and love in the darkest hour of my life, and if it were taken away from me? I wasn’t sure I could keep going. “P-Please don’t leave me.” I whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere, love. Take a moment to catch your breath, and I’ll have Garnet come over with her stethoscope. No need to rush to the hospital over a nightmare, I’m sure she’s okay.” I hadn’t been talking to Tatsuki, I was talking to my unborn daughter, but I appreciated him just the same.

I nodded, relaxing my iron grip on both him and the pendant a little as I struggled to sit up straight. Garnet was a medic, the best one Timber Garden had, which was why she worked directly under Doctor Heisler. I knew he was right, Nettie could hear if the baby was still alive. “Would you call her for me? I don’t want to wake anyone up with this.” Tatsuki nodded and his hands rubbed at my abdomen as if I were already showing.

“I will. I um…I have something for you that might make you feel better. I had your Uncle Zell make it for me pretty quickly after the night we got together. I remembered your mom saying he was good with things like that. There’s something for Trinity, too.” He said softly as he slid from the bed and ambled toward his satchel, which he’d left in a pile with his work uniform at the foot of my bed.

I took a quiet moment to admire how cute he looked in his button-down blue suede pajamas and rolled my eyes playfully. He still didn’t understand. Trinity had not referred to the baby at all, Papa would have been so disappointed. “Trinity isn’t…” I was going to correct him. Trinity was a prayer, not the name of my baby, but then I thought better of it. Was my child not also a prayer? It was a name worthy of a miracle, and anything that reminded me of Papa was special.

“Trinity isn’t what, babe?”

I pulled my knees to my chin and smiled at Tatsuki as he rummaged around through his belongings. It was a perfect name, and the fact that the love of my life had technically just given it to her made me inexplicably happy. “Never mind.” I whispered. “I love you.”

Tatsuki’s grin was as bright as it was wistful, as if he were in disbelief of the small pocket of happiness we had created together. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that.” He pulled out two small black boxes and climbed back up onto the bed, snuggling against the heat of my body as he fought to get comfortable. “I love you too.” He placed both boxes in my hand gingerly; he was so still I scarce was sure he was breathing.

I could feel the nervous energy radiate off him and he pulled his phone out to shoot a text to Garnet, letting her know my window was open and we needed her to come over. Her house was a short walk across the street from ours, I knew we wouldn’t be alone for long, so I pulled at the top on the first box quickly. Stuffed inside amid no small amount of tiny fluffy white padding, was a thin rose gold band with a date I didn’t recognize etched into the front. “April 26th, 2014?” That was a date just three months shy of my fourteenth birthday, and I shot him a quizzical look as I pulled the small ring from its confines to examine it closer.

“That’s um…that’s the day I realized that I was in love with you.” Tatsuki admitted softly. “It’s a promise ring. I wanted…I wanted to promise that no matter what happens I will always love and protect you. It’s a promise that we have a future together.”

I was lost in thought for a moment, searching every memory I could for the date in question. That had been eight years ago. April would have been around the time of year we normally held the festivals in the Quad and it suddenly rushed back to me all at once. 2014 was the year Garnet’s lupus had taken a turn for the worst. She was so sick we had thought for a long stretch that she wasn’t going to make it. Daddy and I had transplanted several mature cherry blossom trees in the Quad in her honor, since they were her favorite, and we held a celebration while my brother had wheeled her around to look at all the flowers. “Garnet’s festival.”

Tatsuki nodded. “You worked so hard to make sure she knew she was loved in what you thought was her final weeks on this earth. I realized that I was best friends with an angel. A perfect, beautiful, kind…” He swallowed hard and there were tears shining in the gentle veneer of his dark eyes. “I know that Trinity will be just like you. So, I made her a promise too.”

There were tears stuck in my throat and my hands trembled a little as I slid the ring onto my finger and popped the lid off the other box. There was a tiny infant-sized bracelet that matched the ring, but there weren’t any engravings. “I left it blank, because I didn’t know if you were keeping it yet, or what the name would be if you did. I figured either gender could wear a little bracelet, if you liked it. I…wanted to promise to be the child’s father, if you’d have me.”

If I’d have him? What kind of question was that? I fell against his lips, a crushing sob threatening to break loose as I gripped his black hair and wove my fingers through his beautiful bangs. “Thank you, they’re so beautiful. But T, you don’t have to—”

“I want to.” He whispered as he pressed a wet kiss to the side of my nose. “She’s a piece of you, and I want her to have a father. I want to be that for you both.”

I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully I didn’t have to say a word. Garnet was struggling to climb through my bedroom window and Tatsuki and I both rose immediately to lend her a hand. Nettie was sick enough as it was, she didn’t need to be over exerting herself. She waved her hands about as she steadied herself, sick of being fretted over, and she backed me against the bed with a sense of urgency I’d never seen in her before. “Oh, stop it, I’m fine, let me listen.”

I wasn’t sure what all Tatsuki had said in his text, but it must have frightened the teenager, who pressed her stethoscope to my belly frantically. She pushed in firm and moved it around to several different locations before a relieved smile crossed her exhausted expression. “Oh, don’t scare me like that, you two. The baby has a strong little heartbeat.”

It warmed me to know she cared about the baby, since Noctis was clearly struggling with her existence. I was feeling emotional and I pulled her into my arms. Somehow, I knew Garnet was going to be my sister-in-law one day, I saw how deeply she loved my brother, and I cried on her shoulder for a few moments. She was my family. “How is Misty?” I whispered.

“Don’t you worry about my sister.” Nettie said adamantly. “She’s strong and Ma and Pa are right there with her. I want you to worry about making sure your baby is happy and healthy. We love you, Jules. I know we’ve been giving you space, but we love you so much. You get better. Misty is going to be just fine.” 


	40. Chapter 40

*Rinoa’s POV*

I heard hushed whispers through the wall and the harsh thud of a body climbing though my daughter’s window. That wasn’t unusual, she wasn’t as sneaky as she thought she was, and I knew she and Tatsuki liked to make midnight excursions out to the old playground in the center of town. Even still, with all that was going on it was unsettling, and I pinched my husband under his arm as he snored at my side.

“If that’s your way of asking for round two, you could try being more romantic.” Squall grumbled, refusing to open his eyes as he curled even tighter into a ball and tried to go back to sleep. I narrowed my eyes and slapped him hard across the chest. “Ouch!”

“Go in there and check on our daughter, I heard a noise.” I hissed.

My husband’s blue-grey eyes shot open immediately, though he was slow to move as he groggily rolled over to stare me down. “You’re telling me you’re the strongest Sorceress currently in existence, who just murdered a world leader with her bare hands…and you’re going to make _me_ go check on the weird noise that went bump in the night.” He said incredulously, trying and failing not to smirk at me as he reached to cup my chin.

“You’re my Knight, are you not?” I muttered playfully, crossing my arms across my chest. “Someone would feel awfully guilty if I went to look by my lonesome and got _possessed_.” I flopped down into our pillows for dramatic emphasis on the word possessed. I was trying to lighten the mood. We’d shared a nice bath together, and made love, I had thought that would be enough to sooth his frazzled nerves. Squall was always a little hard to deal with when he was pushed too far emotionally, and I knew Julia’s ultrasound must have done him in. His poor spirits were absolutely fried. I laid my hand on his chest and puffed my bottom lip out in a pout. “Please? I’m just worried about our baby.”

Squall took both my hands in his own and pressed a tender kiss to each as he slid out of the bed with a resigned sigh. “I’m going, baby. I’m going.” I could see in his gaze that I’d stirred a little worry in him, and I hated that. He worried enough about Julia as it was, but I needed to be sure. I was afraid I had put too much on him, between accidentally starting a war and bringing home a Shumi in desperate need of some love.

We had set Larxine up in the guest bedroom, which was on the bottom floor beside Noctis’s. She was due to deliver any day now, and I wanted her and her son to have Timberian citizenship, safe away from their abuser’s lackey’s. I had taken Marluxia’s head, but his leadership had to run deeper than just himself for the atrocities to have gone on as long as they had. I made a promise to every woman on that island that I would be back for them, and I meant it. Squall and I had talked it over. He was frustrated at the timing of it all, but he wasn’t angry with me for doing what I did. He was proud to be married to a woman who stood for all. Those were his words.

I smiled and held my hands against the beat of my heart. I had married a wonderful man. Damage control once word reached the media was going to be a nightmare. They would call me a tyrant and a murderer. I didn’t care. I knew the truth, and if Timber needed to be reminded of their own occupation, I’d be happy to do so. I was well liked among most of the public, but tabloids would be tabloids, and rumors were never flattering, they hadn’t been since I’d first taken office twenty-three years prior. Some people would always fear Sorceresses, and that was an unfortunate truth me and my daughters would never fully escape from, though Squall tried his best to shield us from it.

What I was most worried about was Soichiro. He was going to put his step-mother in an early grave. I hadn’t told Squall yet, but Julia had complained to me that her pregnancy test had gone missing. She was going to save it for a scrap book, and combined with the fact that the locks had recently been broken off our front and back doors, I was afraid of who might have been watching us. Soichiro had been on Winter Island all that time, but I wasn’t a fool. Someone was keeping tabs on my daughter for him. Someone told him she was pregnant. And where the hell had he disappeared to, again? How was he capable of it? I didn’t understand any of it, and mother to mother, my heart was shattered for Fee.

I remembered watching him when he had been young, and at the time I hadn’t noticed the classic warning signs. Looking back, it was clear to me that Soichiro had always been a sociopath. I had watched the twins only once, when they were about seven years old. My son was two, and a very clingy little boy, so I was hesitant to take on two more children for the evening, but it was Raijin and Felicia’s first wedding anniversary and I wanted to give my friends some time to themselves.

Autumn was a well-behaved little girl, and she and Julia got along well, so I didn’t worry much about her. She and Julia were in her room watching movies and eating popcorn and Squall had been polishing his gunblade in the living room and talking to the boy while I nursed our son privately in our room. Quistis had given be a little bit of hell over nursing Noctis as long as I had, but the child refused to drink anything at all if he couldn’t have that closeness with me, and of course I secretly enjoyed that who I thought would be my last child was attached to my hip. I didn’t stop nursing Noctis until he was three.

My son was half asleep, brown doe eyes lidded as his chubby little hands petted my arms. We had a special bond, he and I, and I was singing to him softly as he took the last few sips of his dinner. I was in a mild amount of pain, he had a mouth full of teeth, but I wouldn’t have traded our moments together for anything. We were happy, laying in mine and Squall’s bed, and I had just pulled him off my breast when I heard a creak by the door. Noctis was fast asleep and I rolled him to the center of the bed before I delicately wiped breast milk and slobber from my chest with the corner of our sheets.

“Squall, baby, have you put the kids to bed?” I asked, assuming my husband was on the other side of the door. It was getting to be past their bedtime, and the only person who had the key to our room was Squall. I had locked it before I’d taken my breasts out, knowing there were other kids in the house, and yet it was slightly ajar as I stood to get a closer look. I smirked. “Oh, are we playing a game tonight? Okay, I’ll play along.” I giggled, pushing my breasts toward the crack in the door. “Maybe in the bath, though, Noctis is in here.”

I waited for Squall to push the door open and grab me, smirk painted on his pretty lips, but it never happened. There was a heavy pause, and I couldn’t feel my husband’s playful nature reaching out to me. I was a Sorceress, I usually felt when my Knight was nearby. Squall and I were like magnets, we moved with one another, our souls were one unit. I instead felt a shiver prick my spine and I covered my breasts with my hands. “Squally?”

When I pulled the door back I screamed and Noctis jerked awake with a startled cry. Squall bolted down the hallway to come to my rescue, but he wasn’t in any way prepared for what he found. Soichiro had snuck the key from his pocket, and he’d been watching me nurse our son, with a hand down his pants. Squall sent the boy home and called his parents, and we had chalked it up to a little boy not really understanding what he was doing. I wished we had been less naïve; that wasn’t normal behavior for a child that age. Not at all.

Squall broke me from the horrible memory as he stomped back into the room with a firm pout curled at the edges of his mouth. I scowled at him playfully and opened my arms wide as he flopped back down on the bed. “Aw, you look so grumpy.”

He sighed. “Tatsuki is _still_ here, and Nettie was in there too. I don’t understand why none of my rules seem to apply to anyone in this house. I don’t ask for much.”

I rolled over and pulled my husband against my chest, coiling my arms and legs around him as I pressed a small kiss to the crook of his neck. “Baby, Julia is a good girl. She’s always done everything you’ve asked of her. She’s just having a hard time right now. She needs the extra love. If she knew you were upset, she’d be upset. She looks up to you.”

“I know she does.” Squall whispered. “And I hate that. I liked it better when she looked up to you, when she was smaller. Julia doesn’t need to be chasing my shadow. It’s only ever gotten her into trouble.”

I trailed my kiss from his neck to the shell of his ear and nibbled along his earlobe. His body reacted immediately, and he hissed in pleasure as I slid my hands over his thighs. “Oh, stop it. She loves you more than anything. It’s a good thing. She wanted to be a SeeD, and she’s so happy at Garden. We raised a very well adjusted, goal-oriented child. No amount of wanting to be her Daddy has done her any harm. Her father is perfect.” I purred, feeling him loosen up a little in my arms as he rolled to smirk at me. There was my Squall.

“Of course, you think I’m perfect,” He muttered. “You married me.” Squall was quiet for a long moment before he took my hands in his own and threaded our fingers together. “I’m…so happy you’re home, Noa. I couldn’t…it sucked not having you next to me.”

I smiled. We had always been a team. A team in parenting, in marriage, in battle. Squall and I didn’t do distance very well. We were two halves of a whole. “I’d walk across the ocean to stay close to you. You knew I couldn’t be gone long.”

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything.” Squall admitted. “You better always come home to me in one piece.” His mouth found its way to mine with a hunger that I had missed. Squall was a passionate lover, not that I’d ever known any different. I didn’t want to. It was so special to me, knowing we were on another’s only. I never wanted another man to even think about me the way Squall did. What we had was pure and deep and all our own. “Do you…want to take another bath?”

I giggled and buried my face into his neck. The sweet smell of his hair engulfed me, and I nuzzled his fluffy mane. I knew he just wanted to be closer to me. He had missed me so much. “Does someone think I’m dirty, or something?” I accused, digging my fingers under his arm to tickle him lightly.

Squall caught my fingers roughly and nipped at them as he brought them to his lips. My laughter seemed to take years off his face and a boyish grin crept through his stoic demeanor. “Oh, I know you’re dirty. Come here.” 


	41. Chapter 41

I had been a nervous wreck the whole day my child was back at Garden for the first time since her assault. It had been ten weeks, but that also meant she was ten weeks pregnant, and it wouldn’t be long before she started showing. I couldn’t handle the anxiety, knowing anything could happen to her and my grandchild. Squall would be there, hovering, and Tatsuki too, but I was her mother. It was driving my maternal instinct into hyperdrive.  _ Squall won’t send her on any active missions. You know that. Calm down. _

Larxine was overdue, and I thought it might help take my mind off things if I took her with me to visit Laguna and Edea. It had been a while since I’d seen them, and the walking might have done her lack of a dilated cervix some good. We walked along in a comfortable silence, and I watched the Shumi from the corner of my eye as we neared my father-in-law’s house. She was slow now, and her long hands were pressed into her back as she waddled. She was carrying Xelas a little low that day, and I smiled at her. “Oh, it won’t be long now,  Larxy . I can see it. Are you excited?”

Larxine had been through a lot, but she was young, too young, and her mind was proving to be very resilient. I was glad for her. I hoped there wouldn’t be any lasting trauma, I couldn’t imagine carrying my father’s child and handling it as well as she had. Her chunky face was bright and happy as ever, and she shrugged her shoulders at me as her bright ginger hair glistened in the afternoon sun. “Very much so. You saved us, Miss Rinoa. Now Xelas and I can live together in peace. I think he’ll like it here in Timber.”

I grinned. “Oh, I know he will. I’m granting you both asylum and citizenship. He’ll be born on  Timberian soil after all! You’re one of us.” I turned my back on her for a moment as we neared Laguna’s driveway, but I froze as I felt a pair of long arms wrap around my middle. Her huge belly was nestled against my back, and I could feel her son’s mighty feet doing somersaults in there.

“Thank you, for your compassion. I didn’t want my father to die, but I understand why it was necessary. You’ve done our people a kindness, the village has lost itself.” Her voice was so gentle and sincere that it wounded me. She reminded me a lot of myself when I’d been her age, and a lot of my daughter. I wanted the Shumi to find their way back to their own culture, but more than that, I just wanted  Larxine to be okay.

I didn’t want her thanks, not until I saved her village, and I shook my head. “I don’t want you worrying about any of that. I’m going to find your mother and rid Winter Island of men like Marluxia. I promise.” I hugged her arms and she seemed to melt into me like butter. I was going to extend an offer, letting her know her son would be more than welcomed at Garden should she wish to go that route, when Laguna hobbled out onto the porch.

My father-in-law was in good health, but he older he got the more his leg gave him fits. Squall had the occasional leg cramp himself, but not quite the way his father did. His gait was lopsided, leaning on the side of the house in an attempt at hiding the pain he was in. His viridian green eyes twinkled at me and I felt warm, as if I were still a child. Laguna had been more a father to me in the twenty-three years I’d known him than That Man had ever been. “Noa! You two aren’t just  gonna stand out here in the heat, are  ya ? Come on in!”

Somehow April was already upon us and it was finally warm out. Spring had sprung, and Timber was blossoming with life as if for the first time. I bet it wouldn’t be long before the  Yuna flowers returned to Obel, though I wasn’t so sure they would do us good now. We still hadn’t found Sir Morales. For all we knew they had killed him, and were that to be the case, our relationship with the Shumi would die with him. Ambrose Morales had three surviving children, all sons, and all very dedicated Cadet’s. I had been surprised that he and his wife hadn’t left the Garden after the tragedy that befell his first two children, but Morales and his wife both had been in Squall’s very first graduating class at Timber Garden. They were loyal.

I shook the errant thoughts from my mind and put a reassuring hand on the small of  Larxine’s back. “ Larxine , this is my father-n-law, Laguna. You’re going to love him!” I gushed. Laguna chuckled and disappeared back inside the house as I led our knew friend into the parlor. Her shiny black eyes were wide as she drank in the unfamiliar surroundings, and I grinned at her. Laguna and Edea were a little eccentric in their old age, though I supposed Laguna always had been. I was ninety percent sure my son’s oddities came straight from his grandfather.

The living room was decorated in shades of scarlet and grey, and Laguna had seen it fit to build a fortress of hanging red drapes between the front door and the couch. It was like waltzing through a canopy to reach the center of the room, before you reached a frumpy  beat up hunk of black faux leather that I knew Edea had nothing to do with. The wallpaper was covered in roses and an old record player was seated to the left of the couch on an opaque white antique table that clashed with the rest of the room. One of my mother’s songs floated from the disc and I hummed the melody gently to myself as I waited for my mother-in-law to materialize.

“You’ll have to forgive Edea’s absence. Lissa has been away on that field exam to Deling City and the silly girl didn’t pack enough clean underwear. Her mother went to meet her at the hotel with some of her stuff. She should be back tonight.”

I curled my lip down in a slight pout and huffed. I hated that I had missed her. That did sound like my niece, however, and I grinned. “I’m sure Mellissa appreciates you telling a stranger that.”

Laguna snorted and came back from the kitchen with two piping hot cups of tea. “Oh pish-posh, we’ve officially met,  Larxine is no longer a stranger.”  Larxine giggled, bringing her giant sleeves to her mouth, though she concealed her hands from him. Laguna’s eyes twinkled at her as if they were old friends and he crossed his legs as he plopped down between us on the cracked and peeling leather. “So tell me, what does my sweet daughter want to talk about today?”

Tears pricked my eyes and I reached for his ice-cold hands. He really was my father. He had no idea how thankful I was to know it wasn’t one sided. “I know things have been kind of hectic. But I really missed you, and I wanted to make an announcement on behalf of the family.” I took a deep breathe, and laughed at myself for being nervous. Laguna was unlike anyone I had ever known. He wasn’t going to be angry. “Julia has decided she wants to be this child’s mother. So, by late October, you will be a great-grandpa to little miss Trinity Leonhart.” 

I pulled my phone from my pocket and put it on speaker as the voicemail containing that precious little heartbeat pulsed rapidly over the faint tinkle of “Eyes on Me” that crooned sweetly from the record player. Laguna’s lips quivered, and for a moment I thought his heart was broken, before a sudden fit of joyous laughter lit his eyes. “Her name...”

“...is because of you.” I confirmed with a slight nod of my head. “I caught her looking at rosaries to go over a cradle last night. She’s taken everything you’ve ever taught her straight into her heart. Julia loves you so much.” 

Laguna’s eyes bled with instantaneous affection and he blew a small kiss to my phone, as if it might still touch the baby, somehow. “My sweet Bean. I know she thinks Edea and I are disappointed, but we aren’t. We just wanted her to make the decision that was best for her. I can’t wait to meet Trinity.” He stood suddenly, walking to the back of the room where the family altar shone in the corner furthest from where we sat. Pictures of Raine, Ellone, and Ventus, along with a woman I assumed had been Laguna’s mother, were propped neatly amid a throng of lit candles. 

“Dad?” I questioned, raising my eyebrows as he piddled about for a moment.  Larxine was incredibly curious, having no real exposure to what was largely a Galbadian religion. It wasn’t widespread beyond the Western continent, and the Shumi seemed mesmerized by all the little trinkets he kept. She watched him with no small amount of intrigue as he made his way back to us with something clasped firmly in his hands.

“Tell her to save her Gil.” Laguna said softly. “I was going to give this to Elle when I married Raine, but...well, you know how that old sob story goes already.” He dropped something into my hands before pressing a tender kiss to my temple. I looked down, choking back the hard lump that was quickly forming in the center of my throat. It was a baby rosary, made with pink glass beads and the visage of Spira, which hung a few inches from  Yevon’s holy emblem. 

“Laguna, we can’t accept--”

“Please,” He begged, tucking a long strand of salt and pepper hair behind my ear. “It’s been collecting dust for over forty years. Let me give my great-granddaughter her first gift.”

Larxine eyed the string of beads for a moment and titled her head to the side in mild wonderment. I could see her wincing a little, and I wanted to ask her if she and Xelas were feeling alright, but she opened her mouth to speak first. “How thoughtful. I will not pretend to understand the symbolism, but I do understand the sentiment. My father never gave our child anything.” 

Laguna either didn’t notice her usage of the word  our , or elected to ignore it, and whichever it was, I was grateful. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to deepen the wound that gnawed at the Shumi’s gentle heart. She didn’t need anyone planting the seed in her mind that her baby was vile because of how he was created. It wasn’t their fault. Not that Laguna would ever have done so intentionally, but the less attention was drawn to that knowledge, the better. “Well that just won’t do. You wait right here.” 

Larxine wasn’t one to enjoy being fussed over and her milky complexion turned an almost burnt orange color in what I assumed was a blush. “N-No, sir, I wasn’t c-complaining, I...”

There wasn’t any use in arguing with Laguna once he had made up his mind about something, and he grabbed for a small wooden box perched on the top of one of the larger pictures of Raine. He popped the lid open and tickled the contents with his index finger. Laguna didn’t dig long, pulling a smooth oblong aquamarine stone from the box.  Larxine’s face lit instantly with recognition. “A water stone!”

Laguna smiled. “Indeed. I picked it up many, many years ago when I first encountered your village. I know a rosary might not mean much, but stones are precious to the teachings of your people. Consider it a gift for your baby, a little pocket of where they came from. We could etch his little name into it.” 

“Oh, I could never. Stones are as alive as you or I.”  Larxine whispered, bringing the stone to her face as if it were a precious child itself. She kissed the cool surface and held the rock right against her chest. “Thank you so much. Xelas will cherish it, I’m certain.” 

I winked at Laguna while my new friend was preoccupied with the gift and stood to wrap him in the tightest hug I could muster. “Where do you get off being so sweet?” I chuckled. His old bones creaked, but squeezed me just as hard in return as his shaky old hands threaded through my thick hair. 

“Life is hard, Rinoa. I know you know that better than anyone.” Laguna muttered quietly. “When the world around you is cloaked in darkness, always choose to be a light. If I taught you nothing else, remember that. Julie needs you more than you realize...and so does my son.” 


	42. Chapter 42

*Julia’s POV*

It was hard being back at work and away from Mercy, but in the very same breath I was ecstatic to be back. Mercy was still very small, but she was much healthier than she had been when I’d gotten her, and I had to have faith that Larxine could keep an eye on her while I was away. Garden was too important to be away from a second longer. I had been out of work for ten weeks, and I would be out even longer when my daughter came. If I was going to work, I knew I had to enjoy it while I could.

Mom and Dad had been a little weary about my return, but I’d been put on a light rotation after the news broke among the staff that I was pushing into my third month of pregnancy. I had been hoping to catch a few rounds in the training center that morning. I missed the feeling of the Lion Heart in my hands, tearing through the flesh and bone of monsters as if they were made of foam. It was a stress reliever and it kept my skills sharp. But of course, as my luck would have it, my belly had finally popped that morning. It was tiny, but the slope of a bump poked out between my hips nonetheless, and it made me too anxious to do much.

The last thing I ever wanted to do was injure my daughter, so I made a B-line for the library instead. I needed to file for maternity leave anyway, and I wanted to see if the wall had finally been fixed from my father’s incident with Ichi. I wish I’d listened to him then, and my stomach twisted with nausea as I trudged through the hallway with my head down. I prayed no one noticed the tightness of my uniform jacket as I tugged on it awkwardly to accommodate Trinity’s growing presence. “Julia! Hey! I’ve missed you!”

I was tugged from my musings by the sickeningly sweet voice of my best friend and a small scowl tugged at the corner of my mouth. I was still trying to find it in my heart to forgive her for the way she’d behaved that night. She was just as traumatized as I was, and I felt like I was being unnecessarily hard on Autumn. I didn’t know how to tell her she was going to be an aunt, and even less so that her niece’s father…wasn’t going to be her brother. I guessed that went without saying, considering what he’d done to me, but I felt awkward about it just the same. “…missed you too.” I nodded toward her and grabbed some paperwork off a pile on the service desk.

I didn’t mind days where I worked in the library. The library had been my mother’s favorite part of Balamb Garden, apart from my father’s dorm. I could see why. It was run mostly by female students and it was a quiet, pensive place. Uncle Zell didn’t quite so much like it, something about an old crazy flame pushing him to read, but to me it felt like a second home. If the tulip on my arm was any indication, I hadn’t really excelled in the arts the way my brother had, but literature had always been my favorite of the more general studies at Garden. It was a welcome distraction from the intensity of battle and magic training. Autumn slapped a lemony smile to her face and rolled her eyes. “Sure sounds like you did. You’d rather spend time with these musty old books.”

“Oh, don’t be like that. I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.” I apologized, attempting to wipe the annoyance from my face with sincerity. I wasn’t trying to be an ass, and I softened my expression as best I could.

Autumn’s dark eyes looked me up and down and she wore an all too familiar expression. Autumn had always been one of _those_ girls. The kind that turned their nose up at every little imperfection or flaw they noticed in another woman. She’d always been that way, and I sighed at what I already knew was coming. She’d noticed. “It looks like you’ve had more on your _plate_ lately. There is no need to gain fifteen pounds; if you’d let me help vent out some of those emotions you’d be just fine.”

I actually cracked a smile at that, though my ego was a little bruised. I knew her personality well enough to know she was genuinely being concerned, even if she _had_ just called me fat to my face. It was her way. Autumn Yoshioka had never sugar-coated things a day in her life. My hands fluttered to my midsection and for a moment I almost felt like we were close again. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to share my excitement with her. “Autumn…I’m…I’m not fat, I’m—”

Autumn snorted. “You’re what? Just fluffy?” She rolled her eyes as she teased me and tugged on my arm so hard I nearly dropped the form I was filling out. “C’mon, don’t be a baby. Let’s go burn those calories, neither of us have a mission today. It’ll be fun!” She knocked an elbow playfully into my stomach and I recoiled hard.

“I’m pregnant.” I blurted, cradling my child as I rubbed the slight pain away. She hadn’t hit me too hard, but it was enough for a prick of anxiety to shoot down my spine. I didn’t want anything to happen to Trinity. She was becoming precious to me. I had said that too loud and several other girls, Cadets and SeeDs alike, turned to stare at me. _Shit. So much for keeping that a secret._

Autumn’s expression fell and her mouth twisted in anger. I hadn’t anticipated her to look so betrayed, though it suddenly hit me that she might be bothered by the fact that I was choosing to keep the child. Everyone else sure seemed to be. I should have had more tact, Soichiro was her twin brother, and I opened my mouth to apologize when a sudden commotion erupted outside. We exchanged weary glances with one another for a split second before a shrill scream had us both bolting out of the library and back down the long hallway. I drew the Lion Heart and tumbled toward the infirmary, where I could see my mother in the distance.

It looked like Larxine was in her arms, completely folded over, and immediate worry for her baby curdled the contents of my stomach. Larxine was like me. She was in love with a child that was a product of something cruel, and I didn’t want to see that love taken away from her. She needed it to heal, we both did. _Please, let this be normal._ I prayed, half tripping over my own feet as I screamed for my mother. “Momma! What’s going on?! Is Larxy okay?”

I could hear Larxine panting as I drew closer, and Mom shooed Autumn away with a gesture as we skidded to a stop before them. “Lady Yoshioka, I need you to make yourself scarce. You go and tell the other instructors that my husband is needed in the infirmary, do you understand? Go!” The urgency in her voice seemed to cut through the SeeD and Autumn straightened into a board as she saluted my mother.

“Yes, Madam President.” I felt guilty about the relief that flooded my system as I watched her disappear. I wondered if my relationship with her would ever be normal again, though I didn’t have time to ponder it as an ear-splitting screech erupted from the Shumi nestled in my mother’s arms.

“M-Mom is this normal?” I remembered her giving birth to both my siblings, so I knew that pain was something that came with the territory, but Larxine didn’t look well. Her face was a sickening shade of rust and her malleable body was contorted into a plush white ball.

Momma rubbed Larxine’s back and nodded toward the entrance of the infirmary as we waddled slowly with our new friend. It wasn’t often that I saw my mother’s lips pressed into a hard line, and I could tell that her mind was on fire with alarm. “The labor was a little spontaneous, but she was overdue. I don’t think active labor is far off.” That didn’t really answer my question. I might have been pregnant, but I was only twenty-two years old. I didn’t fully understand what any of that implied. I didn’t bother digging, it wasn’t important. Making sure Xelas was born safely was all I cared about. “We were walking home from your grandfather’s house, and the Garden was closer than the hospital by the time she complained of pains.”

My brows knit and Larxine gripped the walls as she bared down with all her strength. A hot gush of pinkish water splattered all over the floor and a hysterical cry rose from the back her throat as my mother continued to push her further into the infirmary. “Why did you send for Daddy? Can the doctor not handle this?” My voice was small as I spoke, and I prayed that Shumi amniotic fluid was _supposed_ to be that color.

“Because the Garden’s medical team is not equipped to handle a birth. Your dad can at least assist Dr. Heisler in the process, he’s delivered more than one child in his lifetime, including you.” I had heard that story many times. Dad liked to boast about how I had slid into his arms with my eyes open, like I was destined to melt his frosty outer exterior. I supposed in a sense I had done exactly that. To hear other people talk about my father when he was younger, you would have thought he was the kind of asshole I knew my Uncle Seifer to be.

We got Larxine in a bed, but everything that happened after that was a blur. Doctor Heisler and a slew of other medics were hovering over Garnet, who had apparently had a seizer in the middle of her shift. Her body was still convulsing when we arrived, and I was terrified she was regressing back into another series of flares. Every time we had let ourselves believe she was in remission, Lupus reared its ugly head again. I wanted to tear myself from Larxine’s side, but Mom and I were the only two people there that weren’t preoccupied with saving Nettie’s life, and we couldn’t let our friend deliver this baby alone. “M-Momma, I don’t think she should be pushing like that.”

Larxine was groaning loudly, sweat pouring down her face as she struggled against the weight of her child’s head lodged inside her pelvic bone. I was terrified. Was this how it was going to be for me? I didn’t think her son was ready to come out yet, she was straining, and nothing was happening as far as I could tell. Mom slipped a hand between Larxine’s legs, checking for Yevon only knew what, and her face was pale as a sheet when she pulled her fingers back. They were coated in a dark orange liquid that I assumed was Shumi blood. “Julia she’s ten centimeters dilated.”

I didn’t know what that meant, and I started to cry a little as panic swelled in my throat. Garden didn’t have the best education in the world when it came to reproductive health. I knew less than I should have at my age, and I was scared that dilation meant something was wrong with her. I gripped her hand as hard as I was able and whispered words of encouragement to her as my father suddenly tore into the room. “Cadet Morales let me know that Larxine was in labor, let me get a look at her, Noa, move.”

Mom swallowed hard and shook her head at him. “I asked Autumn to—”

“Does it really matter who came and got me, right now? I need you to help me, please.” Dad barked urgently, gently pulling my mother away from the girl as he poked around between her thighs for a moment. “I’m sorry about this, Larxy, I am. I know it’s awkward. Don’t you worry though. My wife is quite the Sorceress, and we are going to take good care of you.” 


	43. Chapter 43

My father took charge of the situation with an ease that I admired. He had always said he was a leader out of necessity, it wasn’t something that he enjoyed, but I could see why he’d been called to do so. My father assumed control as naturally as he breathed. He propped  Larxine’s legs up on his shoulders and his fingers were wedged delicately between her folds in an attempt at allowing Xelas’s head easier access. Dad was focused intently on what he was doing, but Mom and I were staring at one another in complete awe of the Shumi’s anatomy.  Larxine’s vagina was not shaped nor positioned the same as ours, and I could feel curiosity bleeding off my mother, though she’d never say so.

Human females were positioned vertically down there, but  Larxine’s bits were horizontal and more of a circular shape than the oval that was normal for us. I assumed that was because Shumi had much squishier and larger heads than we did, but I couldn’t say for sure. Xelas’s head was enormous, and  Larxine was sobbing as it came out inch by painful inch. Dad could only stretch her so far, and I was worried that she might tear when her long push finally bore fruit. Her son’s head popped from her body and I could feel my father’s muscles tense beside me. “You’re doing so good, sweetheart. You’re almost there, okay?” He crooned, dabbing beads of pinkish sweat from her cream-colored face.

His words were sweet, but something was wrong. He glanced at my mother for a split second and the energy that passed between them was somber. Mom was already casting  Curaga and Revive quietly on the child and it wasn’t until I wedged myself between them that I could see why. Even being as ignorant as I was to Shumi physiology, I knew something wasn’t right with the child’s head. It was caved in on one side, like it had been crushed, and that same sticky orange blood that oozed from his mother was leaking from a tiny hole in his skull. This baby was misshapen, and underdeveloped. “But he was overdue…” I whispered.

“W-What did she say?”  Larxine croaked, earning me a glare from my father as he pressed a finger firmly against his lips.

“She said he looks just like you.” My dad was lying to her, and I understood why. He didn’t need her freaking out while she was in the middle of giving birth, it would have done more harm to her than good. Even still, it felt wrong to me. She was expecting her son to come out plump and healthy, and my heart shattered into a thousand pieces at the weep of joy that strangled her.

“I c-can’t wait to see you, Xelas.  Mimmy can’t see over her belly.” Mim was Mom in the Shumi tongue, so I could only assume  Mimmy was equivalent to Mommy, and I bowed my head.  _ Please  _ _ Yevon _ _.  _ I prayed.  _ Don’t take him. She needs him.  _ I didn’t know what was going to happen if it went sideways. There was only so much even magic could do without dabbling with what was forbidden. It was important not to play God, though I was keenly aware that was what Xu had done for me. Being imbued with the gift of Sorcery came with no small amount of responsibility, and it was a dangerous path to tread to encroach on what fate intended. There was a natural order and balance to things that shouldn’t be tampered with. I was allowed to live in Xu’s place because she was already dying when she transferred her power to me, and for reasons I had yet to uncover, I was still meant to be here. It was an equivalent exchange.

These were all things I had been taught by Garden, though I caught myself longing for a better answer. What if Garden was wrong? What if it was my fate to die for someone else’s? Who got to decide that? Surely a being much higher than I, and higher than the Garden. I supposed that was the point. If it had been my fate to die as a child, would Xu’s sacrifice have been fruitless? I tried to shake the thoughts from my mind as  Larxine let out a long moan of pain. I couldn’t afford to think like that. Xelas was going to be alright, he had to be, I was so sure of it. “Good girl, one more big push for me and he’s out.” Dad encouraged. My mother pulled her duster off and dabbed  Larxine’s face, smiling at her as the Shumi reached for her hand. I was sure it was comforting to have another mother at her side.

“T-Thank you both for being here for me.” I had assumed she was talking about my parents, but her large black eyes swelled with warmth as she turned her face toward me. “ It m-means so much to have two Mims help me become one. That is sacred.” I knew I was pregnant. I knew Trinity would make a precious arrival come October. And yet, it hadn’t really sunk it yet that it made me a…mother. I was a mother. Shumi often labored in packs from what I’d heard, so it made sense that she would feel that way. She craved the solidarity. I was touched, but I didn’t dare say anything as her expression crumpled and she brought her knees to her chin. “N- Ngh ! Rin…. ahhh !  It h-hurt’s so bad!”

Mom immediately pet her sweat-drenched hair back and pressed a small reassuring kiss to the back of her hand. “It’s okay baby, he’s coming. He’s almost out, push, push, push.” Her instructions were soothing. My mother had done this three times, and I couldn’t have pictured a better person to coach someone through labor. I hoped she’d want to be there when Trinity was born, I was going to need her more than ever. “Oh, here he comes, just like that!” She crooned sweetly, watching my father as he tugged Xelas’s chunky body the rest of the way out.

“It’s a boy.” Dad said gently. Xelas was breathing, but only barely, and he didn’t make a sound as Daddy took Mom’s duster from her and gingerly swaddled the little thing. He laid him on his mother’s chest and I watched the life drain from her eyes as she looked him over. He squeaked pitifully at her for a moment, but only a moment, and he went completely still in her arms within minutes. Her breathing was ragged and when she tore her gaze from Xelas’s tiny face to look at me, I felt like all oxygen had been sucked from the room.

“W-What’s wrong with him? Julie, R-Rinoa ….please , why is h-his head…is he going to die?” What little color she had to begin with had completely washed away and she was turning grey as hysterics clutched at her throat. I didn’t know what to say or do and Momma had already flown into hyperdrive attempting to breathe life back into the child as  Larxine rocked him back and forth manically.

“Squall, get Julia out of here, she doesn’t need to see this. Why don’t both of you go get Edea? She may know what to do, I’m sure she revived more than one infant in her days at the orphanage.” Daddy looked like he wanted to stay and help, but he only lingered long enough for Mom to huff at him. “GO!”

Larxine was screaming and by the looks of things, Doctor Heisler still hadn’t gotten Garnet completely under control. Sheer pandemonium had broken loose in the infirmary and I agreed with my mother that it was best for us to leave. Emotions were running high everywhere we turned and the thick dread that lingered in the atmosphere was suffocating. Dad jerked me out by my wrist and we sprinted toward the exit in a tense silence.

I wriggled my wrist out from under his death grip and slid my hand into his own with a firm squeeze. I half expected him to pull away, but he clung to my hand, and I could see tears glistening behind his eyes when he glanced back at me. Daddy had never lost a child before. Every baby he’d ever delivered had been born healthy. “Is…Trinity okay? Do we need to slow down?”

That was the first time my father had called her by her name. Even after I had made it clear that my decision to keep her was final, he referred to her as nothing but ‘the fetus’ until that moment. It touched the deepest part of my soul and hearing her name on his lips wiped every ounce of doubt and fear from my heart. Daddy was going to love my little girl after all. She belonged to our family. She was wanted. I whimpered and he mistook my momentary joy for pain. Without speaking another word my father bent forward and motioned for me to get behind him. He tugged my arms forward and the next thing I knew I was on his back. “Daddy…”

“I won’t lose another member of this family today. Least of all my granddaughter. Hold on tight.” I buried my nose into the crook of his neck and tried my hardest not to cry. I was overwhelmed with joy that he was coming around to the idea of being a grandfather, but I was also heartbroken that he seemed resigned to Xelas’s fate. Could he really not be saved? The walk across Aria North to my grandparents' house gave me too much time to think, even with Dad running as fast as his legs could pump. I was worried about losing my child in a way that I hadn’t considered before and I was glad when we finally made our way to his front porch. 

We expected them to be home. Maybe an hour had passed since Mom and  Larxine had been there, and my grandmother’s car was in the driveway. It hadn’t been that morning when I’d gone to work. I hopped down off Dad’s back and rapped a few times on the door. “Papa? It’s me, your favorite grandchild!” I called cheerfully as I could through the door. I didn’t want my grandparents to worry, they were getting old, and I tried my hardest to sound like myself. “Papa? It’s Julie...” I knocked again, but I could tell that Dad was losing his patience. 

“Dad.” My father’s voice was booming and his fist pummeled the wood a lot harder than mine had ever dared. There was still no answer. 

“He’s got a bad leg, Daddy, give him a minute--”

“We don’t have a minute, Jules.” Dad reminded me gently. He pulled out his stern voice and barked as he reared back and jammed his steel-toed boot into the old wood. “Laguna!” The door gave way easily, like it was unlocked, and I thought maybe they were expecting Lissa home. I tugged at the hem of my shirt, ready to excitedly show Papa my belly, when I realized what was smeared all over the floor.  _ No...no, no  _ _ no _ _.  _ There was a dark wet trail of blood pooling in the center of the floor and I sprinted through the  canopy before my father could grab me. “Julie! We don’t know what we’re about to walk—JULIA!”

“Papa!” I shouted, nearly knocking over the record player in the living room as I barreled toward the back bedrooms. My grandma Julia’s music was playing on a loop and it provided a depressing backdrop to the trail of bloody footsteps that led to my grandparent’s bedroom. “PAPA!” I was desperate to see his face, to know that I was hallucinating or trapped in yet another nightmare. I didn’t wake, and neither did what I saw fade from my vision. The blood was very real, and as I pushed the door slightly ajar, the heavy scent of copper overwhelmed my senses. 


	44. Chapter 44

*Squall’s POV*

The bedroom had been coated in blood. It had sept into the grey carpets and coagulated in dark pools around both bodies. The walls were streaked and splattered crimson and by the time I’d made it hot on my daughter’s heels to where they lay, she was already losing her mind. We found my father first. His old blue button down was shredded to pieces and multiple stab wounds oozed down my child’s clothes as she cradled his head in her lap. She was gasping for air, and the thick sobs rattling her chest withered my heart.

Matron wasn’t far from her husband, strewn about on the other side of their bed. Her head was twisted around unnaturally and the smell of burning hair and flesh indicated to me that she’d been killed with some version of a fire spell. The soot on my father’s slacks suggested he’d died in her defense. I hadn’t known him for the first seventeen years of my life, but Laguna was my father. He’d become important to me in the years since I’d fathered my own set of children, and I felt a numbness spread throughout my body as I stood there. I was anticipating bone crushing grief, but it would have to wait. I could push any emotion to the side for my daughter, and she needed me.

All my kids loved their grandparents, but Julia and Laguna had always had a special bond. He’d been her Knight the first five years of her life, while I’d been away at war, and it had created something between them that was immovable and pure. His teachings and guidance in those first few years had left a huge mark on her and how she saw the world, and I was eternally grateful for that. She was optimistic in a way I never had been, and so full of joy and light. It ate me alive to see her destroyed a second time, just when she was starting to act like herself again.

“D-Daddy I can do it, I can save him!” Julia choked, placing her hands on the center of his chest. Green wisps of Revive poured into my father’s body, and it wasn’t the first time I’d seen it performed on him. Rinoa had saved his life with that very spell when Julia was still just a bean inside of her. Dad had been a much younger man then, and he’d only been on the cusp of death. This was something else entirely. His skin was cold and blue, and his green eyes stared lifelessly at the ceiling overhead. He was already gone. Julia swayed a little and a trickle of blood leaked from both her nostrils as she funneled more and more white magic into his corpse.

“Julia stop—”

“IT CAN BE DONE!” She snapped. “X-Xu did it, I c-can…I will!” Heat spread through my veins like a wildfire and the panic scorched its way down my lungs as if I’d swallowed hot coals. She couldn’t transfer her life to him, I wouldn’t allow it. Dad had been sixty-seven years old; Julia and Trinity still had their whole lives ahead of them. She stopped the Revive spell and initiated the transfer of life and power, bursting with a glittering white energy as I tackled her to the floor. The magic sputtered off and I tried my best to cushion her landing as we rolled around the ruined fluid stained floor. “No!! D-Daddy let me g-go, I can do it…I—” Her words drowned in a harsh wail and I pulled her against my chest as tightly as I was able.

I shushed her, rocking her back and forth as my own emotions threatened to boil over. Despair had a firm hold of my stomach, and worry lingered in the back of my throat. She’d hit her belly on the way down. My hands had been coiled around her, but the impact had hit a little harder than I was comfortable with and I instantly regretted not finding another solution. Julia was hyperventilating and she pawed at her bump as she struggled to catch her breath. “O-Ow…Trin…ngh!”

My daughter’s body jerked into a ball and I assumed she was cramping. _What have you done?_ I scolded myself bitterly. _You…might have just murdered your first grandchild._ But what else was I supposed to have done? Trinity would have lost her life regardless if I’d let Julia complete that transfer. It was a lose-lose situation. I hadn’t allowed myself to get attached to the child at first. She was a reminder of what that scum-stain had done to my firstborn. And yet, she had breathed life back into my daughter. It was my luck that I would decide I loved her right as I was potentially going to lose her. “Don’t panic. Julie, baby, this happened to your mother once when she was pregnant with you, and she was hit much harder. Please breathe.” I begged.

I should have taken my own advice. I was so swept up in the moment and the wounded feelings fogging my brain that I didn’t even hear the rustling that was edging further and further away from us. I hadn’t been a SeeD for as long as my son had been alive, and clearly my skills were a little rusty, because I was completely caught off guard when my daughter shoved me hard onto my back. Even doubled over in pain she had the grace of a lioness as she leapt through the air and all the emotion exhausting her changing body triggered her Limit Break on impact.

I had trained with my child many times over the course of her studies at Garden. I had taught her everything I knew. I owed her that, I promised it to her the day she was born. She was my shadow, and yet I hadn’t realized just how closely she watched me. I never would have pushed Julia hard enough in training to trigger a Limit, and because I wasn’t her instructor, I’d never actually seen her use one. Pride blossomed in my chest at the realization that she had inherited my Limit Break, and she had more than surpassed me. Renzokuken exploded around us and she brought the Lion Heart down swiftly on an assailant I couldn’t see. I didn’t count the number of hits, but on an unarmed civilian, even two was overkill.

I bolted toward her, jerking her away from the bloody mess as she completely shut down in my arms. She couldn’t breathe, her Limit had been too much too quickly, and I rummaged around in my pockets for her inhaler. I always kept a spare on me, and I made Tatsuki do it too. I wasn’t the type of father to allow accidents, I was always prepared, and I had always over-protected. It was part of the reason I had taken it upon myself to feel responsible for Julia’s assault. I was a good father, and good fathers didn’t allow for a margin of error. I had protected her with all that I was from the moment she was pushed into my arms, so what had changed? Had I gotten lazy? Let my guard down? Whatever my fault had been, I was adamant to never repeat it. I pressed the inhaler to her lips and ran my fingers through her hair as soothingly as I could. “Breathe for me, baby. Please?”

Julia was trying, but she was turning blue, and her hands were still pressed hard against her tiny belly. She was potentially miscarrying, and I knew the shock of what she’d just seen had settled deep inside of her. She couldn’t force the air into her lungs long enough to breathe in the medicine. I glanced briefly at the poor sod laying beneath us. Whoever he was, he was dismembered, and his limbs as well as his head were laying in an unrecognizable mass of tissue. _If you murdered my parents, then good fucking riddance._ I hissed mentally, continuing to rock my child as I called for an ambulance.

It felt like forever before anyone finally arrived, and I bitterly wished I was blessed with the gifts that over half my family possessed. Some, like my father, believed that women were granted power in the image of the Goddess Spira. In other parts of Gaia, like Balamb, it was believed that humanity was tricked into the curse of magic by Hyne. Either way you believed, a man could not be a Sorceress, and I was helpless to do anything to save my baby. I wondered how many times, as we rode in silence to the hospital, I was going to have to make this trip with my daughter. How many times was I going to narrowly miss losing her? Was I not meant to have her? I couldn’t wrap my mind around why. The universe could punish me for the way I lived my life, if it wanted. But Julia? She’d never been anything short of kind. She was wholly undeserving of the misery that seemed to follow her.

I came completely unglued in the waiting room. The ambulance made it to Timber Memorial fairly quickly, but I had felt her slipping away in my arms. There was only so much you could do for someone who wasn’t getting oxygen and I feared for the worst as I paced back and forth across the long stretch of hallway. _What good are you if she can’t even use you?_ I thought as I stared angrily down at her inhaler. It wasn’t often she had an attack bad enough that it rendered the medicate useless, but this had made twice now. The first time…I couldn’t will myself to even think about that day.

Tatsuki had left Garden the moment I called for Rinoa, and he had made it there first. I was sure Rinoa was tied up in the infirmary with Larxine and Garnet, who both were in dire need of her attention just as well as our child. She was probably of better use there, where her magic could do some good. Tatsuki on the other hand had broken maybe fifty of Garden’s rules and protocols to make it to the hospital and I couldn’t find it within myself to be angry. He loved my daughter the way Soichiro had pretended to. There wasn’t a force in all of Gaia that could have stopped me from being there if it had been Noa, either. I respected that about Tatsuki.

I needed to talk to the boy. My parents were in body bags and my daughter and her unborn child were possibly next in line for such a horrible fate. It was more than I was willing to think about, and I jerked Tatsuki off to the side by his jacket collar in an attempt at staving off my own mental breakdown for as long as I could. I _had_ to be strong for Julia. Losing my mind was not an option. Tatsuki was afraid he was about to lose a rank or two, I could see it in his eyes, and I squeezed his shoulder in an attempt at being reassuring. “We need to get some things straight.”

Tatsuki’s body was stiff as a board and he saluted me rigidly. “Y-yes, sir.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I had always loved that Tatsuki was dutiful, it was easily his best quality, but sometimes he needed to take a moment to breathe. Tatsuki was going to worry himself into an early grave, and no potential son-in-law of mine was leaving this world when my Juli-Bean needed him. Not if I had anything to say about it. “I…need to know your intensions regarding my daughter. I plan on having a separate conversation with Julia about this too, but some things need to be said. You’re a good SeeD and you’re a good man, and I want you to know that I respect you. I do. But there is a child on her way, and I’m not going to allow you to be a temporary placeholder in her life, am I understood? Either you play the role of Dad or you don’t go there at all.” 


	45. Chapter 45

*Rinoa’s POV*

By the time Doctor Heisler had Garnet medicated and resting my son had come poking around the infirmary. Garnet had been his girlfriend for a long time, yet to tell their story correctly, one might as well say they had been together their entire lives. Garnet had come eight months ahead of Noctis, but they had been inseparable from the moment he was born. It annoyed Squall a little, but I was glad for it. They were one another’s only friend. Both children were having a hard time at Garden, and I had never been entirely convinced it was the right place for either of them. Where Julia had flourished, Noctis had fallen through the cracks. It broke my heart for him, and he needed Garnet’s kindness more than anyone.

I wasn’t happy to see him, however. I was holding a dead child in my arms and it was a cruel reality that I wanted with all my might to shield Noctis from. His heart was so gentle. Too gentle. Thankfully he was preoccupied for the moment with his love, and I turned puffy and burning eyes toward Larxine. Plump as she was, she looked like a porcelain doll as she lay there, fragile and helpless. Her warm coal-colored eyes had lost their shine and she sat expressionless as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks. Xelas was going cold in my arms and my inability to save him settled like a hot tight ball in my stomach. I had thought my powers were evolving, with my ability to sense the magic coursing through my granddaughter’s little body, but I guessed Squall had been right. Maybe that power had been within me all along, and I didn’t know how to use it.

Either way, I wasn’t strong enough to revive the child. I wasn’t so sure any Sorceress would have been. I held both Adel and Edea’s powers inside of me, and to our knowledge, I was the strongest Sorceress in modern history. I had to accept that this was what Yevon had intended for Xelas, and I closed his tiny eyes with my hand before handing him back to his mother. “I am so sorry.” The bright and bubbly exterior that had clung to the girl had been eradicated, and for the first time since I’d known her, I saw the broken and frightened child that anyone would have expected of someone in her shoes.

“I want my Mim.” She whispered, her voice completely void of emotion. “I want my Mim, and I am taking my son to the lake.” I didn’t understand what she meant at first and I placed a hand on the small of her back in an attempt at comforting her. I had been so blessed to have never lost a child, but I did understand what it was like to desperately want to bond with my mother and be unable to. My mother missed my wedding and the birth of all three of my children. That was a wound that would never heal.

“I miss my mother, too. She would have known exactly what to say or do in a moment like this.” I said softly. “But we can still find yours, don’t give up on that hope.” I knew Larxine was keenly aware of who and what Soichiro was now, and she was abreast of what he was likely doing to her mother. Repeatedly. The worst part was that it was completely sanctioned by her father. We had yet to have a conversation about what Marluxia had done, and her mouth twisted in a way that seemed unnatural for her gentle features.

Larxine brought Xelas to her shoulder and swaddled him as tight as she could as she pressed a tender kiss to the part of his head that wasn’t missing. I wouldn’t have dared say so, but I knew he had developed that way because of the inbreeding, and I cursed her father with everything that I was. How _dare_ he lay a finger on his little girl and how _dare_ he take her first chance at motherhood away from her. Larxine was still just a girl, not a woman, and I was determined that if adoption was what I had to do to help her, then Larxine was going to be a Leonhart. No one was touching her ever again. “Will you be wanting this article of clothing back?” Her voice was still detached, almost cold. I flinched a little and bit the inside of my cheek.

“No, angel. He can have it.” Larxine nodded and struggled to stand, though I shot clean across the bed to press her back down on the soft white linens. “Larxy, please. Don’t try to stand, you need to rest. And I…um, I’d like to discuss something with you, if you’re up for it.” I would need to confer with my husband first, of course, but I wanted to gauge her interest on staying with our family. I knew her mother was out there somewhere, but if she was going to be a Timberian citizen, she needed a family to stay with. She needed loving parents. I wanted to be that for her.

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.” Larxine began slowly, pushing me back gently against the cold sheen of the blank infirmary wall. “But I am Shumi before anything else, and so was my child. I have to see to his Sending, or his soul won’t pass on. I _will_ be needing access to Obel, please.” Larxine stood on wobbly legs, determined to hobble toward the exit. I didn’t have any right to stop her, so I resigned myself to grabbing a wheel chair out of the back corner of a nearby supply closet.

“At least let me help you, then.” She had just given birth, she was in no condition to walk. Larxine looked like she wanted to argue, but her body was beyond exhausted and she collapsed into the chair without any complaints. Obel Lake was very close to Timber Memorial, but it was a longer walk from the Garden. There was no way she’d have made it on her own. I shot my son a sharp look and cleared my throat as I wheeled her toward the door. “Noctis you behave. Take care of Nettie.”

Noctis didn’t care anything about Garden, not really, so I was surprised when he saluted me perfectly. He took his relationship with Garnet very seriously and he didn’t look up at me as he threaded his fingers between her own. He was hovering, and her face shone with adoration as she watched him fret over her. I chuckled under my breath. They were going to be fine. I knew not to be too worried. Garnet had a seizure or two sometimes when the weather was bad, but she usually recovered quickly. She was a very strong little lady and we were all very proud of her.

It was storming out, as I expected it to be, and I vehemently wished I’d brought another duster with me as I jerked my shirt off over my head in an attempt at building a shelter with the fabric above Larxine’s head. Being the president, streaking topless through the center of Aria North wasn’t going to do anything to help the steady decline of my public image, but at that point I had stopped caring. People were more important. Always.

April showers were common that time of year in Timber, and I was happy to see lush greenery and vegetation blanketing the surrounding countryside as I jogged through our cobbled streets. I hated the dead grass that came with the winter season. Not because it was unsightly, necessarily, but because it reminded me of the desert landscape I’d encountered when I almost lost Squall to the Time Compression all those years ago. The vibrant pop of flowers reminded me of our promise, and it brought no small amount of comfort as I skidded to a halt by the lakes edge.

Larxine didn’t wait for my assistance. She pulled herself to her feet with a might that was impressive and slid down the embankment to dip her feet in the cool water. She was going to get mud all over her clothing, but she’d just lost her son, and I had to remind myself that she probably didn’t care. Xelas would always mean more than any stain she could have incurred, and she pulled him back from her chest to get one final look at his face. “Maybe I wasn’t meant to be your Mim, yet. Maybe I was too young, and the gods called you back to wait just a little longer. You’ll have a better body next time, Xelas, and you won’t know pain when you spring from my womb. Don’t worry. You’ll be my son one day soon.”

Tears pricked my eyes, but I didn’t dare move to comfort her. Not yet. I was ignorant to Shumi customs, and I didn’t want to interrupt the Sending in any way. I watched in quiet awe as she dunked her long fingers in the water and very gingerly traced a symbol into his forehead that I didn’t recognize. I assumed it was a religious symbol because she uttered a few words in Shumi as she did so before pressing a bittersweet kiss to each of tiny eyes. “Go in peace, child, until I send for you again. I promise that I will.” She tucked the small water stone into the cloth around his body, and I realized then why she had asked me if I wanted my duster back.

Squall had swaddled the child in one of my many dusters, the white one I had worn to see Laguna that morning. He was still wrapped tightly in the knit fabric, the only clothing he’d ever know, as she lay his small body in the cradle of the water. It embraced him, and he floated slowly from her grasp as she bowed her head in prayer. A soft pastel yellow energy sprung from her body and it danced across the lake to envelope the child. The water seemed to part for a moment before Xelas’s body evaporated into a burst of pink flower petals that scattered with the wind. Joy lit her face for a moment, but only a moment, and once the rite was over Larxine emotionally collapsed.

“Hey, take it easy. It’s going to be okay.” A harsh sob shook her body and I sank to the ground to pull her into my arms. All thought of customs had left her mind and her hands gripped me tightly as she burrowed her face into my chest. “You’re just a child yourself. This burden should never have been placed on you.” Her small tufts of bright orange hair scratched my chin as she wept in my arms and I shushed her softly. There were no words that could ease such a hurt. That I knew to be true.

“What is going to happen to me now? X-Xelas was all I had.” She clung to me with a desperation that sept deep into my heart. I had only known her for a short while, but I felt like she was mine and I held her as tight against the beat of my heart as I was able. She reminded me so much of my Julia.

“You said it yourself, he’ll come back to you one day. Until then, I would be honored to consider you my daughter. You can stay with me, let me take good care of you until we can find your momma. Hell, even after that, if you like it here.” I swore, pressing kisses to the top of her squishy head. “You’re more than welcome to be a Leonhart.”

I half expected her to refuse, but Larxine nuzzled her plump face into the warmth of my body and her hands gripped me tighter. She couldn’t stop crying long enough to catch her breath and my neck was soaked with tears as she struggled to speak. “I w-would love that, M-Mimmy.”


	46. Chapter 46

*Garnet’s POV*

All of my vitals looked good and I was in relatively bright spirits, but Noctis was always consumed with worry when I had my seizures. The doctors insisted that they were a very mild complication of my Lupus and that they were more a nuisance to me than a threat, especially as seldom as I had them. Even still, once word had gotten around to him that I was embarrassed half to death after seizing in the infirmary? Noctis ditched class immediately.

It really wished he hadn’t. He was failing all his classes as it was, and there was no hope of pulling them up in time for the SeeD graduation in July. I’d begged him to tell his old man, but my love was insistent that Squall would do nothing but pull strings so he would graduate on time, and he didn’t want that. He was looking down at me with those downturned puppy eyes and I grinned as I reached to cup his cheek. “My sweet Nocty. You didn’t have to come, you know that. My parent’s didn’t even rush here.”

Noctis petted my hair back and shushed me as he leaned to press a kiss to the side of my face. “You know they will, just as soon as class lets out. We all love you so much, Nett. You’re perfect.” I had to roll my eyes at that, though I couldn’t hide the small smile that broke across my face. He was always so good to me, but I didn’t feel perfect. I was fat and chronically ill, there was nothing to put on a pedestal. I was continuously astounded by the pure love and adoration I received from the boy, who had been my very best friend for as long as I could remember. Noctis Leonhart was everything to me.

“I love you more.” I whispered. A sappy grin spread across his pale face and I took his pointed chin into my hand to force him to make eye contact with me. “You’re the one that’s perfect, don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” If it was the only thing I accomplished before I died, Noctis loving himself would be a worthy goal to live for. I needed him to understand what he meant to me. We all knew Noctis had a mild mental disability, and he was drowning in the pressure of living in his sister’s shadow. Uncle Squall didn’t mean to, but he pushed Noctis too hard, the entire Garden did. Noctis needed to know that he was enough, just the way he was. “Guess how I’m gonna prove it?”

I loved it when Noctis was playful and a smitten expression crossed his face. We were sixteen and seventeen years old, I thought that was plenty old enough for what I had in mind, and for a moment I thought Noctis had caught my meaning. He absentmindedly braided a few strands of my hair and his brown eyes were oozing affection as he gazed at me for a long moment. “You’ll marry me?”

Butterflies rushed to my stomach and I struggled with the wires monitoring my vitals as I attempted to sit up straight. “W-What? I was…um…” I swallowed hard and I could feel myself turning red as heat rushed to my cheeks. “I was going to ask if you wanted to…make love.” Marriage was a whole separate animal and I part of me hoped he was kidding for his sake, I could picture my father’s head exploding straight off his shoulders. Yet, in the same breath, I knew I wasn’t going to be long for this world. Was it wrong of me to want him to be serious?

Noctis was stunned for a moment and I was half afraid I’d frightened him away, but his face melted into pure butter as his long black lashes fluttered against his cheeks. “That would be…I would love to, if you’re sure that’s what you want.” He admitted softly. “But my offer still stands. I uh…I thought that’s where this was going.” He scratched at his long hair awkwardly and for a moment I thought I was going to pass back out. He _was_ serious.

Sixteen was old enough without parental consent, right? I couldn’t remember, but I thought so. If not, Noctis would be seventeen in June, which wasn’t too terribly far away. I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment before I reached for his hand. I planted a kiss to his ring finger and sucked in a sharp, nervous breath. “Meet me in the church on the other side of the train tracks tomorrow at dawn. No one can tell us no if we do it in private.”

An excitement passed through us not unlike static electricity and I wiggled a little as Noctis leaned forward to take my face in his hands. His breathing had changed, and his brown eyes were suddenly lust blown in a way I’d never seen before. He was drunk on the affection we shared for one another, and it was my favorite when he was like that. “Consummate tonight, wed tomorrow?”

I nodded. My throat felt dry and tight as I spoke, and I could hear my voice crackling with anxiety. “It’s backward, but it’s what I want. I’ll make arrangements with a priest.” I knew full well that I was hurting my Ma and Pa, but in the moment I didn’t care. It wasn’t their life, it was mine, and I wanted to marry the love of my life before he inevitably lost me.

“And you’re sure it’s okay? Nettie, you just had a seizure, I don’t want to hurt—”

Lupus was _not_ getting in our way. I was determined to speak that into existence. I pressed a finger dramatically to his lips and shushed him. “You won’t hurt me. I’m fine. I’m…ready.” My body was hot and I almost didn’t recognize the sound of my own voice. There was a need there that presented itself clear as day in my tone and Noctis whimpered a little as he tugged uncomfortably at the top of his tight black jeans. I watched as his eyes scanned the room, as if in strategy, and his voice was low when he finally spoke.

“I have a better idea. I sneak you out of here, we swing by the magistrate’s office and make it official, then I take you home while my parents are still working and we…make love…and then at dawn, we have the ceremony in the church. Just you and I.” Doctor Heisler had stepped out of the room to flag down Aunt Rinoa, something about an urgent message. It wasn’t that concerning, she was the president of Timber, she got urgent messages all day every day. I didn’t know how long it would take before he was back, which gave us a very small window of time for our grand escape. Noctis seemed unbothered, and he pushed his long onyx hair from his eyes as he flashed me a boyish smile. “I…don’t want to wait.”

“You want to be my husband.” I breathed dreamily.

Noctis grinned and tore hastily at the monitors patched onto my body. “I want to be Mr. and Mrs. Noctis Leonhart.” He affirmed. My heart stuttered in my chest and I felt like I was going to burst. I hadn’t even thought of that. I wasn’t going to be a Dincht anymore. I was going to be a lion. I frantically helped tear at the restrictive hospital equipment and Noctis laughed at me as I eagerly clamored to my feet. I grabbed his face and kissed him with every ounce of strength I had left. “Come on.” He muttered against my lips. “We gotta go!”

My love and I crept from the infirmary quietly as we headed toward the empty parking garage near the library. It would be the easiest exit from Garden without any traffic at midday. No one would be leaving work or school for another couple of hours. Luckily the parking garage exited to the back of the Garden, which was in close proximity to the center of town square. The magistrate’s office was just south of the Garden and the first of the cluster of offices inside the old courthouse. I had made many trips to the courthouse in my youth, accompanying my parents to lengthy legal cases that lingered from Ma’s first marriage. She had technically had to adopt me, in spite of the fact that I was born of her body and was Pa’s biological child.

It was too hot out to be tromping around in Garden uniforms and we both shrugged out of our dark navy jackets as the cobbled streets below our feet lead us into the heart of Aria North. My hand was sweaty within my boyfriend’s, and he stole a glance every few minutes to make sure I was still alright. I felt fine, physically, but my heart was lodged into my throat. When I’d woken that morning, getting married had been the furthest thing from my mind. All of my dreams were coming true in a single afternoon.

I shook the thoughts from my head as we approached the office and an elderly woman behind the glass shot us wrinkly smile. “How may I help you today?” I could feel my shyness creeping up on me and I looked pleadingly at Noctis, who was about as extroverted as they came. He had thankfully inherited much of his disposition from his mother. He was gloomy, like Uncle Squall, but Noctis had never met a stranger.

My boyfriend grinned at the old woman and he rocked back and forth anxiously on the balls of his feet. “Good afternoon, ma’am. Just here for some paperwork. My name is Noctis Leonhart, I’d like you to marry us, please.” He requested in a sing-song voice.

“Oh, congratulations! You’re the president’s boy, aren’t you? Surprising that your family isn’t having a huge ceremony.”

Noctic’s smile remained smooth and excited, though I noticed the tightening of his muscles. Noctis felt a certain type of way about his family that was hard to describe. He loved them more than anything in the world, but he also resented them. Not so much his mother, but his father hadn’t made it much of a secret that he favored Julia. I didn’t think it was purposeful, but it didn’t matter. Noctis cared. He had always said it was me and him against the rest of the world, something Squall used to say to Rinoa when he’d first become her Knight. It made sense to me that he wanted to do this in private. “We’ll have a ceremony, but we wanted to do this part privately. Paparazzi, you know.”

“Oh yes, of course! That makes sense! I am excited to be the first in Timber to hear such joyous news!” She dithered about in that way that old ladies were notorious for and reminisced about her marriage to her own husband, who had passed away. We listened to her politely for a long while before everything was documented and ready to sign. When it came down to it, I was terrified. Noctis signed the marriage certificate without a moment’s hesitation, but I needed a moment.

I couldn’t tell it was sweltering inside the cramped office or if it was just my nerves, but a thin layer of perspiration was cooling at my hairline as I choked back the reservations I was having. I wanted this just as much, if not more than Noctis did. I just…didn’t want to hurt anyone. Ma would be upset, Pa would be upset, and I didn’t even want to think about Uncle Squall and Aunt Rinoa. Yet, when I glanced up at him, he was smiling at me patiently. All the love in the world was nestled behind those perfect downturned eyes and the pure adoration that flooded my body was all the reassurance I needed. Noctis was my world. Why shouldn’t he be my husband?

“I love you, Noctis.” I whispered before signing Garnet Sango-Lucrecia Leonhart into existence. I had married the love of my life in a matter of seconds, and the lack of ceremony or ritual or family suddenly didn’t matter the way I thought it would. I felt like I had finally come home. “You’re my forever.”


	47. Chapter 47

*Julia’s POV*

I could hear voices as light pricked at my slumbering eyes behind their lids and I recognized them immediately. They were my two favorite voices in all the world. The medicine in my veins was heavy and my eyes felt as if they were led as I struggled to succumb to wakefulness. “I don’t intend to be temporary, sir.” Tatsuki’s voice insisted. “I’ve loved her all my life. I would marry her tomorrow if I thought you’d allow it. Let me raise Trinity. Even if fate tore Julia and I apart, you have my word that I would not abandon the child. I love her as my own…even now.”

I could hear my father’s heavy sigh. “You’re…a good kid, Tatsuki. I’d have handpicked you for Julia myself if I was that kind of father, but I want her to make her own choices, always. However, I’m _going_ to protect my grandchild, regardless of my respect for you, understand? That’s all I’m saying.”

“Yes, sir. Loud and clear, sir. I want to make it clear that my intensions still remain. I want them, both of them. For the rest of my life.”

My eyes finally parted, and I slurred a little as I struggled to find my words. “Is that a proposal?” I could see the outline of both men flinch at my sudden presence and I laughed. The sadness in my heart had subsided enough that I could breathe a little and my hands floated sleepily to my midsection. All I needed to know was whether Trinity was okay or not. Everything else…I would process on my own terms. “I want to see m-my baby, is she okay?”

My vision was very hazy but the figure who smelled like my father bolted to my bedside and I felt the cold sheen of a leather glove pressing against my small bump. “She’s just fine, Jules. There was some light cramping due to the fall, but it was just a muscle spasm. The baby has been poked and prodded all afternoon, she’s fine, not a scratch on her, and no signs of bleeding.” He promised, rubbing soothing circles along my tummy. “She’s a fighter like her momma, I told you this happened to Rinoa once before.” Dad cooed.

Relief flooded my body and everything I’d been holding back suddenly rushed to the surface. My nana and papa were…gone. I would never see them again. I could tell a few hours had passed since we had found them, it was getting dark out now, and I looked around desperately for any sign of my mother. “M-Mom, I want my mom, where—” A strangled sob killed the words on my lips and my vision sharpened a little as I watched my father bend to press a firm kiss to the center of my forehead.

“Shh, it’s okay. Mom was at the lake with Larxine when she got the news from Doctor Heisler. Both of them are in the morgue…paying their respects. Please try to stay calm, okay, they’ll put you under again if you upset yourself too much. The baby was a little stressed out when we got here.” She was…at the lake? What about Xelas? That didn’t make any sense, Larxine had just given birth. I didn’t a bit like what that implied, but I couldn’t mentally and emotionally handle the answer, so I didn’t bother to ask.

My mind instead wandered to my own child. What did he mean she was stressed? Had they sedated me because I was hurting her? I supposed that made sense. I had triggered an asthmatic episode, I could have killed us both if I let my emotions control me like that again. _Mommy is sorry, Trinity. Mommy is so sorry._ I thought to myself, numb as Tatsuki finally gathered the courage to join my father at my side. He’d been keeping a respectful distance, but I could feel his longing to be nearer to me. “Tatsuki…”

“You did it, Julie.” Tatsuki said as he reached to grip the hand that wasn’t cradling my unborn baby. “You avenged them, find peace in that. They found valuables on the body, they were being robbed.”

It took my drug-hazed mind a moment to recall what he was speaking of, but it all came flooding back in violent flashes. I had shredded a man with my limit break before I’d lost consciousness. It had all happened so fast I barely remembered it at all. Who the hell would have robbed my sweet grandparents? Nothing in that house was worth enough Gil to murder someone over. My papa collected junk, even with the money he had stashed away from running Esthar all those years ago, my grandparents were not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. It would have made more sense to rob _us_ , my parents were incredibly well off.

“N-No…there has to be more to it than that. Some connection to the Orderless or—”

“Baby, the Orderless doesn’t exist anymore. Your Uncle Seifer saw to that.” Dad said tightly, shooting Tatsuki a warning glare, as if he hadn’t been allowed to disclose that information to me. Tatsuki was the love of my life, but I wasn’t stupid. His duty was to Garden, same as my father’s, and I knew he was breaking a lot of protocols just being with me. Disclosing information on an ongoing investigation wasn’t earning him any SeeD ranks either. “I don’t want you worrying about any of this. You need to rest.”

I wasn’t so sure. The Orderless had terrorized my family for a good chunk of my childhood, and they had been the cause of more than one of my near-death experiences growing up. Timber was the only country in all of Gaia where it was safe to be a Sorceress, my mother and father had fought and bled for the rights we had. But it hadn’t always been that way, and when our nation was in its infancy, the Orderless spanned all across Esthar and Trabia. Their reach was far, and we had been vulnerable. It was a fear that had never fully left me, and now that I knew I was bringing another Sorceress into the world, the terror was almost unbearable.

Nana had been Ultimecia’s vessel much in the same way that my mother had been for a short while, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that I had anything to do with motive. I smelled Shumi Village’s involvement in all of it. My mother was about to slap them with sanctions for what they had allowed to happen to Misty Dincht, and I wouldn’t have put it past them to work with the likes of an anti-Sorceress organization. It was speculation for the moment, but I intended to have my answers. I was my father’s daughter, and _nothing_ was happening to my little girl. I wouldn’t allow it. “I’m not a doll, I’m a SeeD. I may not be Tatsuki’s rank, but I ought to be briefed on what is going on.”

The hard edge to my voice caught my father off guard and I felt him flinch at my side. “I’m not trying to caudle you, baby. I just want Trinity to be safe.”

That cut my heart deeper than I was sure he realized, and I swallowed hard as I tugged on his leather jacket to pull him closer to me. I buried my face against the swell of his chest and coiled my arms around his waist as best I could. “I know, Daddy, I’m sorry. I’m just…”

Dad’s body relaxed into the embrace and he threaded his fingers through my hair. “I know, Juli-B. I know.” He chuckled. “You’re just like me. You love Garden and you like to feel like you’re involved and working hard. I am so proud to see those qualities in you.” I was sure he was. I was the only of his children so far to follow closely in his footsteps and do so willingly. I vibrated with a need to please him that truly wasn’t indicative of the relationship we had. He had never once made me feel like I had to do anything to make him happy, but I wanted to. I admired my father so much.

I wanted to tell him so, but my feelings were garbled, and everything spilled out of me at once. “I love being your daughter. Thank you for l-loving my baby.” I was still pressed against him and I could feel my father shudder with emotion as he rocked me back and forth in his arms.

“You don’t need to thank me for that. Of course, I love her, she’s part of you. I just wanted to make sure we made the decision that was best for you. That’s all. Your grandparents felt the same way.” Dad’s voice quivered a little at the mention of my grandparents and his hands coiled into my hair tighter, as if he were afraid I might disappear. “And for the record, the feeling is mutual. Being your father has been the greatest joy of my life.” He whispered that second part, so Tatsuki wouldn’t hear, but it warmed me all the same.

Tatsuki was waiting patiently, unwilling to interrupt again, and I sniffled a little as I pulled away from my father to offer him a warm smile. “Now, what about that proposal?” His cheeks reddened and he laughed sheepishly as he turned his gaze toward the floor.

“You…weren’t supposed to hear that. It’ll be more romantic when I do, I promise.” A playfulness passed between us that seemed to make my father uncomfortable and he cleared his throat loudly as my mother suddenly barreled through the door. Larxine was behind her, large black eyes sullen and puffy. There was no baby with them and my stomach twisted into a knot. _Please…Yevon, no._

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to Larxine that might ease her suffering, but my mother was all over me before I could get a word in edgewise. Momma looked like hell. Her eyes were rimmed red and completely swollen and a stream of snot leaked from her nose as she ripped me from my father to inspect every inch of my body. “J-Julia, baby, are you h-hurt—wh-what about my grandbaby…is she…o-oh god.” She was barely forming coherent words as she sobbed and my father almost flew across the hospital bed in alarm.

“Rinoa, baby, look at me, please breathe.” Dad tried to soothe her, but she wasn’t having any of it. She’d flown into hyper protective mother mode, and she allowed him to rub at the small of her back, but the tears kept coming. I had to laugh a little as I took her face in my hands and forced her to make eye contact with me.

“Mommy, I’m okay. The doctors already did all the poking around, Trinity and I are fine.” My use of the term of endearment seemed to calm her a little. She would always be my mommy, no matter how old I got, and I knew she hung on to that. She was trembling and I knew it was more than just worry for my daughter and I. It was grief. She had loved Papa dearly, he was the only father she really had.

My small bump looked a little bigger in the snug hospital gown they’d provided me with, and Mom’s hands were all over it with a devastated clinginess. I was clearly pregnant, there wasn’t really any hiding it anymore, and she loved on Trinity for a few moments as she attempted to compose herself. “Julie, I want you to know something.” Mom tucked a strand of hair behind my ear lovingly and smoothed my bangs as Daddy wrapped his arms around her from behind. He was doing everything he could to comfort her. “Your grandfather loved Trinity very much, and he was so excited this m-morning. He wanted her to have this.”

Momma pulled a small pink baby rosary from the pocket of her skirt, and that was when it finally happened. Daddy recoiled from us both with a force that startled me and whipped around to face the wall. He couldn’t take it anymore. He had been so strong for all of us, but there was something about Papa’s final gesture that dissolved the glue that had been holding my father in place. Tatsuki silently reached to place a hand on my father’s shoulder and my heart broke into a thousand pieces at the unhinged wail that rattled from his chest. This year had been too much. Squall Leonhart, my sweet daddy, was completely and utterly destroyed. 


	48. Chapter 48

I stumbled out of my hospital bed on shaky legs and my mother and I both wrapped the length of our entire bodies around Dad. The sobs wrecking his body were loud and he had completely lost himself in grief as the loss of both my grandparents finally settled in his heart. Trinity was pressed into his back and he had three generations of Leonhart women there to love the pain away. I knew my father and I half expected to be pushed away, but Momma and I were maybe the only two people in the world he was comfortably vulnerable around. Dad’s fingers gripped my mother’s tank top so hard that a seam or two screeched in protest and he buried his face into her neck. “Rin—Rinoa…”

“Shhh. I’m right here. Just stay close to me.” Mom whispered, threading her fingers in his shaggy brunette hair. I rubbed his back and rest my face gently against his shoulder as we swayed with him. He cried for what felt like hours, and I was glad to see him release the emotions he had been bottling since this whole ordeal began. Expressing himself didn’t come easy to my father, and he had taken it upon himself to be the family rock after my assault. I was grateful, but Daddy wasn’t indestructible, he was just as human as everyone else. Sometimes he needed to be reminded.

“I love you, Daddy. I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t even imagine the kind of pain he was in. He lost his father. If I ever lost mine, I knew I would never recover and a pit of fear roiled in my belly tight and hot. “P-Please don’t…please don’t ever l-leave me.” I squeaked, hiccupping with barely contained hysteria. Losing Papa was excruciating, but the idea of losing either one of my parents was not something I was willing to entertain. They would live forever. They had to.

Dad hadn’t moved from our death grip on him, but he turned around in my mother’s arms to look at me. “I would n-never, I will never—” Daddy swallowed hard and took my face in his hands as tears continued to wash down his cheeks. He rested his forehead against my own and shivered at the feeling of my mother coiling herself around his middle even tighter. “I love you so much. You have to promise m-me, too. Julia Raine I couldn’t…I won’t ever live w-without you, or your mother. B-Both of you promise. I need to hear you say it.”

Everyone in that room knew there was no promising that a person wouldn’t die. It wasn’t up to any of us. Death was something that Yevon and the universe decided, and it was entirely outside of our control. I knew that my father knew that as well as we did. He wasn’t an irrational man. Yet, my father’s insecurities about being left alone in this world would never fully heal, and I was willing to lie to him to give him the peace of mind that he needed. He had a large family who adored him more than anything. The chances of him spending his days alone were slim. “I promise, Daddy. I came back to you once, remember? I’d do it again.”

That seemed to soothe him a little and he twisted back around to press his nose against my mother’s. “Your turn.” His voice was hoarse and taut with emotion. I knew for a fact that my father was a dead man walking the moment my mother took her final breath. One day I was going to lose them both at the same time. Daddy couldn’t be without her, and I understood that. He lingered just inches from her lips, and she leaned forward to kiss him chastely before she gave her answer.

“I’ve promised you before, and I’ll promise you again. It’s you and me, Squall. Always. We’ve been together twenty-three years, and we’ll be together twenty-three more. I’m not going anywhere.” She moved one of his hands to her necklace, where his Griever ring had sat since they were teenagers. She had had another one made for him the Christmas she was pregnant with me, but the original had been strung on her necklace since the very beginning of their time together. It was a symbol now, especially after it was repurposed as an engagement ring, of their devotion to one another.

Dad brought the ring to his lips and he cracked a small smile as Momma wiped the tears from his face gently with one of her arm warmers. “Best decision I ever made. I mean that.” Mom rubbed her nose against his own in an attempt of brightening that small smile of his. “Well, the second best. The best decision we made was keeping our little girl.” He craned his neck to look at me again and swallowed hard. “I remember how angry I got when people encouraged us to give you away, especially after I held you for the first time. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I am so e-excited to watch you become a mother.”

I was so happy. I hurt over the losses we had all experienced, but my father’s words were exactly what I’d been longing to hear. Trinity was going to be part of our family and she was going to be loved deeply. That’s all I wanted. “I’m excited too, Daddy. I have the greatest parents in the world. I know I learned from the best.” Both of them smiled at me and the love that was nestled in our embrace was enough to temporarily diffuse the mourning that was slowly eating away at our hearts. Dad looked happier, and I considered that a win. I hated to see him cry. I was the only of his three children to ever witness it.

I was acutely aware that the display wasn’t being inclusive to Tatsuki and Larxine and I pulled away to make a small opening for them both. “You’re family too, get in here. Both of you.” Dad stiffened a little, as if he had forgotten they were there to witness the display of emotion that had burst from him. He acted like he wanted to pull away, but Mom and I had a tight grip on him as Larxine and Tatsuki nervously edged toward the hug. “Come on, we aren’t moving until you join.”

“Bean,” Dad protested softly, begging me to let go of him with his eyes. I didn’t want to push him too hard, I knew he had a hard time with displays of affection around strangers and Mom and I had smothered him enough for one evening. I let him go, in spite of the whine my mother let out, and we both closed in on Tatsuki and Larxine while Daddy excused himself to a corner to get some air. I could still feel his eyes on us, and I knew he was doting from afar. He had needed this. He needed Momma and I as much as we needed him. Larxine seemed happy to be squished between us and Tatsuki’s hands were petting my belly tenderly despite how rigid he was being about the group hug.

The atmosphere was warm, and we felt like a close-knit family again for the first time in a long time. Things hadn’t been the same since Soichiro, but it suddenly felt like we were back on the road to having our normal family back. No more wallowing in self-pity. We needed to be there for one another and let each other grieve. We were all cried out and continent for the moment—that was, until my Uncle Seifer showed up unannounced. He leaned the plush of his body against the doorframe and I could feel his eyes boring holes into a circle. “Gonna burst out in Kumbaya and hold hands next?” He drawled sarcastically.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Dad growled, emerging from his corner to stand defensively in front of us all. Uncle Seifer was a bit of a wildcard. We loved him…sort of, when he behaved himself. If it hadn’t been for Vivi I was sure my family would have dropped him like a hot potato years prior. He had a creepy obsession with my mother and his mouth was constantly a source of tension. Seifer was mean-spirited and I never understood what my aunt had seen in him.

The sneer that painted Seifer’s face was full of glee and malice in equal measure and he made a grand gesture with his hands. “Don’t shoot the messenger. I’m here to do my due diligence as an uncle since you can’t seem to get a hang on being a father.” My blood boiled on Dad’s behalf and I stalked forward with every intension to wipe that smug smile off his face. Seifer had always been a narcissist, even when his own life was falling to hell around him.

Dad grabbed my arm and pulled me behind him with a protective growl, never once breaking eye contact with my uncle. “The way I see it you’re one call to Social Services away from losing your only child. There are three fathers standing in this room and only one of us is a piece of shit, so do with that what you will.”

Three fathers? It donned on me suddenly that he was counting Tatsuki among them, and I could see the tears shining in my boyfriend’s eyes. He placed a proud hand on my belly, and he left it there possessively as he stared Seifer down. Seifer was nonplussed, as if he didn’t understand Tatsuki’s involvement with the little life growing in my womb. I wasn’t even sure anyone had called to tell him I was expecting. He regained his composure as quickly as he lost it and his lips curled back against teeth as he snarled at my dad. “I didn’t pawn my five-year-old off on a teenage girl for the day. No one picked up Rose from the Garden, they had to call Vivi.”

My father’s face twisted with both disbelief and panic. “Excuse me? Noctis picked his sister up from—”

“You sure about that, Father of The Year? You _assumed_ that sack of hot air was going to pick up your gremlin, and he didn’t. Come get her.”

Dad’s nostrils flared and I could feel his muscles bunching, as if Renzokuken was about to be triggered. We did not need to unleash a Limit Break in the middle of the hospital, and I placed a hand on the small of his back as he all but spat acid at Seifer. “What did you just imply about my boy? Noctis has a disability, and if you _ever_ insult his intelligence in front of me again I will—”

“Daddy,” I said gently. “Leave it. Uncle Seifer isn’t worth the wasted breath. I don’t want Yuna-Rose in that house.”

“Agreed.” Daddy seemed hesitant to tear himself away from me and he looked Tatsuki up and down for a long hard moment. Tatsuki dropped his hands from my tummy but Dad shook his head no. “No, you’re fine. We’ve had our talk, Trinity is your daughter now and I’m holding you to that, as long as that continues to be what Julia wants. That said, you are to stay here and guard them with your life while I’m gone, got it? Let no one in out out of this room, are we clear?”

Tatsuki puffed his chest out and pure excitement lit his eyes for a moment before the calm professionalism of a SeeD Commander took hold over him. It was cute and I couldn’t help but grin. “Clear as crystal, sir.”

“Good.” Dad grumbled, glaring daggers at Seifer, who was watching us all with an intense gaze. His fat face was contorted into one of amusement and I’d never wanted to hit him more in my entire life. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my child.”


	49. Chapter 49

*Squall’s POV*

I was going to murder my son. I loved all my children more than anything in the entire world, but Noctis Laguna seemed to push his luck too far every other week. My two eldest children knew their routine pretty well. They alternated picking their sister up from Garden in the afternoons because I was usually still tied up in my office until six in the evening and Rinoa worked from her home office round the clock when she was needed. Noctis had known it was his day to watch his sister or I would have called someone to pick her up since Julia was in the hospital. I was already pissed off that he’d forgotten, but it was the cherry on top that the school had called my niece.

I was Yuna’s father. If anyone should have been called it should have been me or her mother. Hell, I would have been less angry if they had called my sister, even, but a sixteen-year-old child that didn’t even live in my house? No. I had never given Vivi permission to pick my daughter up, and there was good reason for that. I loved my niece, but I didn’t want my little girl anywhere near Seifer. There were certain things I had a hard time forgiving and trying to steal the love of my life from me was one of them. I would never love anyone the way I loved Rinoa and our children. I would _never_ forgive the way he treated her.

Seymour Almasy National Chocobo Farm was an hour drive from the city and the longer I was in the car the longer I stewed in my anger. My heart felt somewhat released from the anguish of losing my parents. Rinoa and Julia had always been my angels, and they had seen to that. That being said, whatever room they had made in my heart for the love they poured into me was instantly replaced with rage the moment Seifer had shown his face at Timber Memorial. I hadn’t always hated Seifer, but he hadn’t been the same since Ultimecia, and we all knew it. Adel had done a number on him, too. In that regard I pitied him, but his trauma wasn’t an excuse for his behavior, he took shit too far…too personal.

When I pulled onto the bumpy dirt toad that led out to the old wood barn near Seifer and Vivienne’s house, a small smirk crept onto my face. I did have one good memory there, at least. Vivi and her twin brother Ventus had been born at the end of August, but due to her brothers’ untimely death, Seifer had given the girl a new birthday. I didn’t know if Vivienne was aware that her birthday was actually August 30th or not, and it wasn’t my place to tell her, but her father was selfish and had wanted to celebrate on a day that was less painful for him. Because of that, Vivi now celebrated her birthday in November, which I assumed he chose because it was closer to his own birthday.

When Vivi turned eleven the child had decided she wanted to race Chocobos, which would have been excellent for a birthday in August, but thanks to her father, we spent November third out in the blistering cold watching a bunch of children race Chocobos outback near the barn. Noctis, Garnet, and Lissa were all around the same age as Vivi, but Julia was sixteen at the time and had opted to skip the child’s birthday to study in the training center for the upcoming SeeD exam scheduled for her seventeenth birthday in July. With all the children plenty occupied with the birds and our oldest gone for the evening, Rinoa and I had snuck away to the barn, allowing Seifer and the other parents to watch Noctis for a few precious minutes.

Our anniversary was coming up quick and I had been feeling pretty romantic. If anyone had told me when I was a burgeoning SeeD that I’d have been married for any increment of time I’d have laughed in their face, so every year that passed that I got to stay Rinoa’s person was exciting to me. We had made love up in the hay loft, and Yuna-Rose was a direct consequence of that. She’d been born nine months later on her older sister’s birthday, right after the SeeD inauguration ball had ended.

Yuna-Rose had been wild from the moment she was created, and I smiled at the thought as I walked up the steps to knock on the Almasy’s front door. I was eager to see my child, I felt like Yuna had been slightly neglected while I’d been trying so hard to take care of Julia post-assault, and I wanted to spend time with my littlest baby. “Yuu-Yuu? Baby girl?” I knocked hard several times, and I expected to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running toward me, like always. She was always so excited in the evenings when I came home from work; I would put dinner on the stove and read her a story. I frowned when there was no answer and knocked again. “Rosie?”

I had just lost two very important people in my life to a violent murder. I was not in the mood to play hide and seek with my youngest, not when anything could have happened in the time she had been away from the careful watch and protection of the Garden. Pure fear radiated down my spine and I kicked the front door down without a moment’s hesitation. “Vivienne Rinoa Almasy, where the hell is my daughter? Hello?”

I heard what sounded like a frustrated cry of rage and I recognized my niece’s voice immediately. Hate Seifer as I did, I loved Vivi. Vivi was the only piece of Ellone I had left, and I cherished her. I was afraid for her safety as much as I was Yuna-Rose’s and I cursed her father for leaving either of them alone to make an hour’s journey to the hospital. He could have just called, but he wanted to make a scene. Just the thought of my daughter being in danger finally pushed over the edge what had already been stewing just beneath the surface.

I jerked the Cutting Trigger from its holster and Renzokuken took violent hold of me. A flood of dopamine and adrenaline rushed through my veins at the sweet release of all that pint up emotion and I pulled the trigger as I brought the blade down hard on the Almasy’s glass patio door. The vibration of the weapon alone would have been enough to shatter the glass and particles went everywhere, ripping into the skin of my neck as shards collected in the fur of my leather jacket.

“U-Uncle Squall?!” I realized as I dodge rolled onto the back deck that I…might have made a mistake. Vivi was staring at me in an awestricken horror, but there appeared to be no assailant. The pin where Sasuke kept his Chicobo’s was wide open and Yuna-Rose was nestled happily onto the back of sickly looking green one.

My tongue felt swollen and dry in my mouth and I would have died of embarrassment were it not for the paternal instincts pulsing in my very ears. I needed to grab my child. Peels of her sweet laughter floated through the darkening sky and she remained oblivious to any wrongdoing on my part. To Yuna smashing through glass doors probably seemed like an adventure. “Daddy look! Look at my feather puppies! They’re like Mercy!”

The child was straddling the poor bird with a posture and determination that was quite impressive for a five-year-old. She forced the creature to chase and terrorize its siblings as well as a few cattle animals that were attempting to sleep as the sun sunk low beyond the horizon. I slapped her with a firm frown and pulled out my Headmaster voice. “Yuna-Rose Leonhart come here right _now_.”

The guilt that nipped at me was instantaneous as the light drained from her chunky little face. I didn’t like being stern with any of the kids, especially when they hadn’t done anything wrong, but my patience was wearing ice thin. It had been a long day and I was more than ready for it to be behind me. The puke green Chicobo she was riding let out an exasperated Wark as it skidded to a stop and it bolted away from her in what appeared to me mild terror as she hopped off to nervously amble toward me. “Am I in twouble, Daddy?” Her little voice quivered, and the steel of my resolve slipped before I could chastise her for being a handful.

“No, sweetheart. Daddy is just sad, that’s all. Please go get in the car, and I’ll buckle you in a moment okay?” One mention of the word sad and Yuna-Rose bolted forward, clinging to my lower half like a spider monkey as she rubbed her sweet face up and down my pants leg.

“Peese don’t be sad, Daddy, I be a good girl.”

That broke my heart and I tugged her off me to look her hard in her grey-blue eyes. “Yuu-Yuu, you are always a good girl. You never make Daddy sad. We will talk about why I’m upset when we are in the car, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.” That seemed to brighten her spirits a little and I patted her head as I bent to kiss her cheek. “Go on, give me two seconds and I’ll be right there.”

“Oneeee, twooooo…” I shot her a playful look and swatted at her, and her giggles eased a little of the tension nestled in my bones as she skipped away to climb into her car seat. Once the girl was out of earshot Vivi gestured to the shattered door wildly and her seafoam eyes bulged from her head in a way that reminded me a lot of Ellone when she was angry.

She opened her mouth to demand to know what my problem was, I could feel her father’s attitude coming on from a mile away, but I held a hand up to silence her. I wasn’t going to handle an altercation well, and I didn’t want to open an opportunity to accidentally hurt the teenager’s feelings. I knew I was in a foul mood. “Please don’t. I heard yelling and I thought…listen to me, Vivienne, I have some really bad news, sweetheart.”

Ellone might not have biologically been Laguna’s daughter, but he and Raine had basically adopted her, so Vivi was raised to believe he was her grandfather. She didn’t even know I wasn’t really her uncle, and I never intended to correct that. My kids called Zell and Irvine uncle affectionately because they were my close friends, but Seifer had been treated as an actual blood uncle, and Vivi as their blood cousin. Vivienne had just as right as any to know what had happened. “What news is bad enough that it constituted breaking our door down?” She asked with a lighthearted smile. She wasn’t a tight ball of anger like her father, and I was glad for it.

“Vivienne…sweetheart…um, your grandparents died this morning.” I couldn’t bear to look at her sweet face. I had been the one that delivered her when she was born, Rinoa had carried her tiny premature body in the top of her shirt to keep her warm on the way to the hospital. She was named after my wife for that very reason. I loved her. I had already watched my eldest daughter shatter, I didn’t need to witness that twice.

“Both of them?” She whispered.

I nodded and the lump in my throat thickened as I backed away from her inch by inch. The day had been too emotional for me already and I couldn’t allow myself in engage in her grief. I needed to get Yuna-Rose home. “They were robbed. Your grandfather was killed in Matron’s defense.”

“Thank you…for telling me. I um…I think I need—”

“I know. I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll let you know when we make arrangements.” I refused to look at her as I pressed a kiss to her cheek. It was wet. I didn’t know how to comfort her and I felt awful for dropping that kind of news and abandoning her, but consoling was going to have to be her father’s job. I couldn’t handle it twice in one day. My little girl was waiting for me in the hot car, anyway, and I needed to get her home. It was dark out and Rinoa would be upset if we missed dinner. She scolded me for not taking good enough care of myself as it was. I turned to leave, but not without stealing one final glance behind me. “I know it doesn’t ease the hurt…and I know you didn’t see him as often as you’d have liked. But Laguna loved you, Vivi. Please find solace in that.”


	50. Chapter 50

*Julia’s POV*

It was late by the time I was finally discharged from the hospital and I was dreading going home, so I had asked Mom to stop off and grab me a bite to eat. Dad had taken the car, so we had walked through the McDeling’s drive-thru and I was at least excited to dig in to a large fry. My body seemed to have finally registered that we were eating for two, and the nausea medicine Mrs. Mamoru had given me was working wonders. I could have eaten an entire cow. I knew Noctis was going to be in trouble when we got back to the house, plus someone had to break the news about Nana and Papa to him. I really didn’t want to be present for either of those events.

Noctis was my baby brother. He got on my nerves, because of course he did, it was his job, but I took no pleasure in our parents laying into him. He was a sensitive kid, and I knew he hadn’t meant to forget Yuna-Rose. I was sure there was a reasonable explanation, he’d never once forgotten her before. Maybe he had gotten hung up at the Garden, maybe he’d taken an extra study hall or something. We all knew he was struggling with school, and graduation was right around the corner.

I decided I couldn’t wait another moment, and I moaned loudly as I yanked a cheeseburger from the white paper bag and tore into it. Tatsuki laughed at my reaction and he wrapped his arms around me from behind as we bounced along the beaten cobblestone. He hadn’t seemed to be able to keep his hands off of Trinity since she had peeked out to say hello and it made me happier than he realized. “There are no pickles on that, right?” Mom asked hesitantly, watching from the corner of her eye as I took another large bite of the juicy sandwich.

“No pickles, ma’am. I triple checked it before I handed it to her.” Tatsuki affirmed. He wasn’t kidding. Tatsuki was hyper aware of my severe allergy to the preservatives that were used to make pickles since he had witnessed a particularly nasty reaction when we were children. I felt like he’d even looked _under_ the burger to make sure he wasn’t poisoning the baby and I.

“You’re gonna be a great daddy.” I whispered happily. It had only been meant for Tatsuki’s ears, but Mom heard it too, and the ghost of a sweet smile curled at the corner of her mouth. We had finally made it back to our driveway, and Tatsuki loosened the death grip he had on me a little. He’d been holding me steady; I was still a little exhausted and weak from being put under anesthesia, and Mom was wheeling Larxine in a wheel chair. “Do you want some food, Larxy? I know you must be so tired.” Physically and emotionally both, I imagined.

The Shumi’s smile was drained and she shook her round head. “I just want to go to sleep and see my son. But thank you, for offering.” That sounded a little suicidal to me, and I frowned at her. I really couldn’t blame her for having such thoughts, in the end. I didn’t know what I was going to do if I made it to the end of my pregnancy only to lose my child anyway. I didn’t know what to say, but thankfully Mom interjected so I wouldn’t have to.

“Enough talking like that.” She scolded. “It’s been a terrible day for everyone. We’re all going to take warm baths and get some rest, and we can talk through everything in the morning with some clarity.” My mother was wise. She had earned her wisdom through years of no one taking her seriously and discriminating against her for who and what she was. I knew to trust her word. If she said our minds would be clearer tomorrow, then they would be, and I flashed Larxine a reassuring smile.

It seemed that Daddy had somehow beaten us home. It was an hour drive to and from Seymour Almasy National, but we had been held up at the hospital for longer than we had anticipated. The doctor had wanted to triple check mine and Trinity’s vitals before we were released, and they ran a few tests on her. She was growing so healthy, and the doctor said I should expect to be feeling some quickening soon, which filled me with no small amount of anticipation. I was trying not to let what had happened to Xelas choke me with fear. I was so ready for my little girl.

Mom seemed surprised as I was that Daddy’s car was already in the driveway and we exchanged weary glances as we approached the front door. We could both hear my father’s voice ringing off the walls and I knew that the situation with my brother must have escalated. I hadn’t thought Dad would be _that_ angry. Momma turned the key quickly and stepped into foyer, completely underprepared for what she was about to walk in on. Furniture was strewn about and ripped open, as if my father had taken a gunblade to it, and sitting wrapped in a blanket, crying in the middle of our couch, was Garnet Dincht.

Yuna-Rose was happy as could be, playing pretend with the stuffing leaking out of the cushions from the wounds inflicted by our father, and for a moment I thought Mom was going to hit the floor. “Hi Mommy, hi Sissy! Daddy is really mad at bwother, I think he’s gonna spwode!” She made an explosion noise with her mouth and threw fistfuls of stuffing into the air. I tried not to laugh, but it was difficult considering I could tell Garnet was naked under that blanket. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to put together why my brother had forgotten my sister. Noctis had gotten laid.

“Well, well, well. Looks like someone had a good time for the first time.” I teased, placing my hands behind my back and leaning forward playfully. The guilt was immediate. Garnet’s puffy scarlet eyes were swollen with tears and she was trembling as she puffed her already chunky cheeks out to blow a sad sigh into the air. Garnet had always been a sensitive girl, and I knew that while my father would _never_ raise his voice at her, she probably felt guilty for getting Noctis in trouble. “Nettie, come on now. You know he’ll get over it. Look at Rosie, she’s just fine.”

Garnet shook her head and a pitiful squeak broke loose from the back of her throat as she tried and failed to hold in a loud sob. “We d-didn’t know. We didn’t know anyone had died, and we d-didn’t mean to forget Rose, it’s all my fault.” Tatsuki and I both flocked to her side and wrapped our arms around her, but Mom put her hands on her hips, and I knew there was an anger brewing behind her deep brown eyes. It wasn’t fun for anyone when Mom was the one who was angry, and I held on to Garnet just a little bit tighter.

“You just had a seizure.” She barked. “Garnet Dincht, do you have any idea how heartbroken your Ma and Pa would be if something happened to you? You should be in the infirmary.”

Garnet looked like she wanted to admit something, but she didn’t have the strength, and she glued her eyes to her lap in excruciating silence. I rarely ever talked back to either one of my parents, but I was going to ask Mom not to be angry with her. Nettie was fragile, and I understood that she needed to be looked after, but she was also seventeen years old and her own person. I understood not wanting to be in the infirmary. Garnet was always being poked and prodded by a doctor. I started to say something when all of a sudden my sixteen year old brother streaked across the living room to hide behind our mother. “Mommy!”

Noctis was a blur of long raven hair as he bolted to safety and I heard Garnet gasp as Daddy came barreling over the sofa. His icy blue-grey eyes were narrowed into slits and his lips were pulled back into an angry snarl as he crouched like a feral cat on the destroyed piece of furniture. “Don’t you think you’re a little old for that?” He said tightly. “Because apparently, you’re old enough for a lot of things, aren’t you Noctis? Why don’t you tell your mother exactly what you’ve done?”

Noctis was crying and I knew that Momma wasn’t able to handle it. Noctis had always been her baby, even after Yuna-Rose came. She wasn’t blind to the fact that everyone else was hard on him, and I didn’t think she had it in her to be angry when he was crying like that. She was worried about Nettie, but she wasn’t without reason, either. Mom took a long, deep breath, and her bangs danced a little as she blew it roughly from her nose. “Squall, calm down for a moment please. I think I can guess what happened, and we were up to the same shenanigans when we were their age, were we not?”

Daddy growled. “I married you! We were ready to start a family!”

It looked like that was news to Mom and she shot him a bewildered look. “Ready? Julia Raine was a perfect surprise, but she was very much an accident, or have you forgotten that?” I had heard the story many times. My father asked my mother to marry him when they were eighteen years old. They had only been together a year, but it was my father’s desperate attempt at keeping her safe from the Sorceress Memorial and ensuring that she got to stay at Garden. Family planning hadn’t exactly been part of the plan, yet here I was.

My parents had a very happy marriage, and I knew they would have chosen to have me eventually, as in love as they were, but Mom was right. Pregnant at eighteen wasn’t the first thing on anyone’s radar. “We wanted her, we were a family! You and I didn’t have anything else, this is not the same. Noctis is a spoiled child, he wasn’t thinking about anyone but himself. You and I both know if Garnet gets pregnant her health could be seriously jeopardized. They didn’t…they weren’t being careful.” There it was. That was what was really bothering my father. It wasn’t the sex, it was the lack of caution. He and my mother had thrown caution to the wind too, clearly, but they were both perfectly healthy. Garnet was not.

“Nettie and I are a family too!” Noctis shouted, smearing tears and snot all down his face with the back of his hand. “I did it the way you said to, Dad, you always said that love was the foundation for a happy marriage and that sex was a byproduct of that, those are your words! You didn’t even ask if I married her first, you just started yelling!” Noctis’s little heart was bleeding so profusely that I knew he hadn’t thought about the words spilling from his lips. Eloping was _not_ something I would have admitted to in the middle of a heated argument.

“Maybe we should go,” Tatsuki whispered, tugging on my arm as my father’s eye started to twitch a little. I had never in my life seen him so upset that he’d actually destroy furniture over it. My father was not a violent man by any stretch of the imagination, never toward us, and I hoped maybe Mercy had chased after them a little. Her little talons were sharp, and I prayed that was what had ripped into the couch and not his weapon, like I’d originally assumed. I didn’t really want to take any chances, however, and I backed away with my boyfriend toward the front door.

“Maybe I should spend the night…if that’s alright with your Mom.”


	51. Chapter 51

*Rinoa’s POV*

My legs ached when I woke the next morning, but it was a saccharine and much needed pain. Squall had laid his pain completely bare and I had laid out my own. Our union had been angry and sad and loving and tender, it had been one of everything, and I knew Squall had needed it after the day we had had. The condom had completely shredded throughout the course of our lovemaking, that was just another thing to worry about, but I promised my Squally I hadn’t missed any pills, and I hoped that had brought him a sliver of peace.

I watched him sleep for a long moment. The sun wasn’t quite up yet, and I was taking every precious moment that the kids were still sleeping to admire my husband. My heart ached for Squall. He had spent so much time resisting the love that Laguna freely gave him, and he had let himself grow to love the man, only to lose him in the most violent way imaginable. It was Squall’s worst nightmare come to fruition. He worried so hard about losing all of us, and I wanted to kiss every ounce of pain from the fracture in his heart. I had certainly tried hard the night before. I smirked.

“Squally.” I purred, nipping at his earlobe as I snuggled deeper into his embrace. His arms were coiled tightly around me, and I had slept with my head resting against the beat of his heart. It was our favorite way to sleep. I got to live in the music of the life pulsing inside of him, and he got to hold me, soothing his fear that one day he would wake to find me gone. I wouldn’t have left Squall for any amount of Gil in the world, even if he  _ had _ destroyed our living room furniture. It hadn’t been directed at Noctis, or I’d have been angry, it was more about Laguna than it was anything else. Noctis’s little stunt with Nettie was just bad timing.

My husband stirred at the sound of his name and I looked at his face with all the love I could muster. He was always an attractive man, but there was something indescribable about the way he looked just after waking. His floppy brunette hair a mess, and those pouty lips, swollen from sleeping too hard against the pillow. He was beautiful. “Do you still love me?”

The question caught me completely off guard for a moment and I blinked stupidly at him. Insecure questions were usually up my alley, not his. Our twenty-fourth anniversary would be coming up in November, and he had never once asked me such a question. “Squall we’ve been married—”

“That’s not what I asked.” He said gently. “I know how many years you’ve been by my side. But…do you still love me? Am I still…your Knight?”

I took Squall’s face in my hands and forced him to look at me. The skin of his cheeks was soft for the sharp edges of his angular face, and I rubbed him gently and I stared deep into those steely orbs. “How dare you ask such a question. Who do you think you are, a Heartilly?” I asked playfully, leaning in briefly to press a kiss to the crook of his neck. “Baby, I am deeply in love with you. I’ve never stopped loving you. You will  _ always  _ be my Knight. What brought this on?”

Squall swallowed hard and there were tears shining behind his eyes as he absentmindedly stroked my hair and shrugged. “Don’t know. I guess…I guess I just feel like an ass. I’ve never blown up at one of our children like that before. It hurts me that I hurt him, that I’ve always hurt him. I’m too stern, I’m not…I’m not cut out—”

“Stop it. You stop it right now. Yes, you lost your cool, and I’m not saying I’m happy with the way that either of us handled what happened today. But Squall, we’re human, and we make mistakes. You’re an excellent father, and I know you love Noctis with all your heart. You just wanted what you thought was best for him, you wanted our only son to have the same opportunities that we gave to our daughter, that doesn’t sound like a bad father to me.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose, but my smile faltered when I pulled back. His question had been a red-hot poker in my own insecurity. My father’s love had always been conditional and could be ripped away at any given moment. I wasn’t sure I would ever fully recover from that attachment style. “Wait…do  _ you _ still love  _ me _ ?” What if he’d asked me that because he didn’t love me, and didn’t know how to say it?

Squall rolled on top of me and jammed his tongue into my mouth with a passion that scorched my lips. “Rinoa Leonhart...my sole purpose for being alive in this world is you, don’t you ever doubt what I feel for you. I love you.” He murmured into the kiss. All these years later and I was still drunk on his affection and my heart stuttered in my chest as I trailed my hands down his firm muscular torso. I winked at him and a  playful smile lit my face. 

“You should take your own advice, Squally.” 

Squall huffed dramatically and hovered over me as he pinned my wrists to the bed. His bangs flopped to dangle in my eyes and I giggled as I pretended to try and push him off me. I play struggled for a moment, but he was ‘too strong’ and a wide smirk stretched across his face. “There you go again. Call me Squally one more time, I dare you.”

“I’m sorry,  _ Squally,  _ have I been bad?” I  batted my eyelashes at him and the pure lust that flickered across his eyes shot straight between my thighs. I was so happy to see the sadness temporarily washed from the love of my life, like there was nothing that existed outside of that moment but our love for one another. I snorted a little and giggled too loud as he shushed me with another long, deep kiss. His tongue massaged my own and his breath tickled my lips as he pulled back to grin at me. 

“Now you’ve done it.” He wedged his fingers beneath my arms and tickled me mercilessly, and I could feel his cock twitching to life as I wriggled gleefully beneath him. I brought one of my legs up to graze the too-tight material of his pajama bottoms and he hissed, allowing me to massage him for a moment before he completely gave in to his urges. “Noa...” Squall laced his fingers between my own and brought our entwined hands to his lips to kiss as he ground roughly against my pelvis. 

I gasped and I was so grateful to be bare beneath my nightgown from the previous night's escapade. Cum was already trickling out of me and I whimpered as his free hand shoved my light blue dress up and over my breasts. He licked at one nipple while a long finger slipped between my folds. “ Ngh ...” I moaned loudly and the intense burning from the night before returned with a vengeance. My cunt ached to have him inside of me again, we belonged connected as one. “Fuck me.” I breathed. 

Squall’s face turned red at my words, but he didn’t drive into me the way I expected him to. There was a tender loving expression buried amid the dark blush, and another of his fingers disappeared inside of me. He turned his blue eyes toward me just as wide and innocent as the first time he ever really smiled at me, after the defeat of  Ultimecia . “Rinoa...did you mean what you said? After all this time...you’re still in love with me?”

I cupped his face within my hands and kissed him so chastely I felt as if we were back in the field in Centra, over two decades ago. Back when our love was fresh and new and entirely unlike anything either of us had ever felt before. “I love you so much that sometimes...I really think my heart can’t take it, like the intensity might swallow me. If anything, I love you more now than I ever thought was possible.”

The smallest, happiest smile lit his face and I almost cried at the jovial boyish grin that exploded across his expression. “I’m glad the feeling is mutual.” He leaned up to gingerly take my earlobe between his teeth and he nuzzled me sweetly as he whispered against the flesh of my neck. “You’re...my lion heart. I fall more in love with you every day.” 

“Get inside me mister.” I demanded playfully, completely swept in the romance of his words. I didn’t need to tell him what it meant to me; I could feel myself vibrating with happiness and I wore it on my sleeve. His fingers were fucking me slowly, and the deep ache that had settled between my legs was nice, but I needed to be as close to him as was physically possible. He beamed at me with an excitement I hadn’t seen in a while, and I basked in it as he fumbled out of his night clothes.

“Yes ma’am.” Squall was already hard as a rock when his dick sprung from his boxers and he grabbed for the box of condoms on our nightstand. He tried to frown, but he couldn’t hide the ghost of a smirk that twitched at the edges of his mouth when he peered inside the box. “Um...last nights was the last one.”

I snickered and spread my legs for him as wide as they would go. “Oh no, what ever will we do?” I could feel my wetness still rolling from my swollen and gaping pussy and Squall was visibly transfixed on it as he struggled to clear his throat. “You’ve already came inside me once. Let mommy make you feel good.”

His voice was tight when we responded, as if his mouth and throat had gone bone dry. “Y-Yeah, but I know you. No matter what you claim, you’re lazy with your pills. That’s the w-whole point of using the condoms.” Well, he had me there, I was kind of forgetful, but I failed to see why it mattered. I was forty years old; it wasn’t like I’d be having many more opportunities to get pregnant. I sighed. 

“Sure, sure.  So I guess...it’s either mutual masturbation or risking a happy accident. Your call. Would you be upset if I was pregnant?” I was teasing him, but it was also a genuine question. I didn’t mind risking it, I really didn’t think much would come out of it, but I didn’t want to make my husband anxious. 

A little sparkle touched his eyes for a moment and his eyes dropped to my exposed stomach. It was a little saggy from giving birth three times and it was littered in stretch marks. He thought I was sexiest pregnant, that was no secret, and I  _ might  _ have been using that to my advantage. “Have I ever been upset to know you were? To watch your middle swell with my child...” He trailed off, grabbing for my thighs and jerking me down the bed to be closer to his body. “...to watch your  breasts fill with nourishment?” He climbed on top of me and sucked a nipple into his mouth. 

I groaned and instantly fisted his hair as the coolness of his saliva sent a shiver down my spine. I rocked my hips against his own and he teased my folds as he slipped his penis up and down the slickness pooling between my legs. He rolled the pert nub between his teeth and I thought I was going to die as my back arched off the bed. “ So the question is, Rinoa,” He panted, eyes lidded with lust as he pulled back from my breast. “Can you get off by yourself, or does Daddy need to fill you up?” 

I had never been more turned on in my life. “P-Please.” I croaked. “I need it.” Squall didn’t need to be asked again, and he jammed the length of his cock inside of me hard. It was like fireworks had been set off inside of my vagina and every nerve ending erupted with fire as he rolled his hips down into me. I was so riled up that my muscles threatened to clench on impact and he pulled out of me to bring his palm down hard against my vulva. “N- Ngh , yes!” 

“Don’t you do it. Not yet. We’re just getting started.” We both knew if I orgasmed it was all over; he never had been able to withstand the firm clutch of my cunt around his sex. He would ejaculate in a heartbeat. I wanted him to smack me again but I couldn’t say so, completely lost in the euphoria of the sensation. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and the head of his penis massaged its way inside of me inch by excruciating inch. He was taking too long and I whimpered as I used every ounce of my strength to sit up and wrestle him onto his back. 

He was caught off guard and went down easily. He grunted and I made quick work of jamming my body down on his pulsing cock. I ground into him and his face turned purple as he was strangled with a loud moan. I wasted no time bouncing to a rhythm I was satisfied with and the speed of my thrusts had Squall incapacitated for several moments. He was trembling with pleasure and he chanted my name as if I were his new religion. I could feel him plunging inside of me better at that angle and his head pressed so deeply into my g-spot that it almost felt like he was rocking into my stomach. 

I leaned forward and attempted to tell him I loved him as I plunged for his lips. It came out garbled but he seemed to get the message, and he latched onto my tongue like it was his lifeline. His hands found their way back to my breasts and he rolled them round in his palms as I continued to match his frantic thrusts. I was getting close again and the wetness squelching from my loins was soaking Squall’s pubic hair. It made a sweet sticky sound as his balls met my ass with each fervent buck of my hips. Squall refused to come up for air, kissing me until my lips were cracked and bruised. A mild copper taste mixed with the familiar flavor of my husband and he whimpered in absolutely abandon. “N-Noa...”

Heat was pooling in my groin and I lost control of myself as my legs began to tremble. “O-Oh...Squ--fuck, Squall!” I dug my finger nails into his chest as the bliss nestled in my ovaries spread down my legs and my muscles clamped down violently around him. Squall’s body reacted accordingly and my husband let out a low feral growl as he turned the tables on me once more. He shoved me onto my back and bit down on my neck hard, leaving a trail of  hickies to my collar bone as I continued to ride the wave of my orgasm. He gripped my hips roughly and belted out one final throaty moan as he spilled his seed deep inside my body. He huffed a little with exhaustion and lowered himself to rest on top of me as gently as he could. 

“Rinoa...” Squall petted my sweaty hair from my face and brought my wedding band to his lips to kiss. “It’ll be a while yet before the kids are up. Can we...sleep like this?”

That sounded kind of hot and I rubbed my nose tenderly against his own as I lightly traced the long scar between his eyes with my fingertips. “You want to sleep...like this? Still...inside of me?” He nuzzled his damp bangs into the crook of my neck and let out a content sigh. I could have stayed wrapped in the perfect warmth of his embrace for the rest of my life.

“Just stay close to me.” Those words had become a staple in our relationship over the years and I smiled. If he wanted to remain as close as was physically possible...that was fine by me. I yawned and kissed at his shoulder as he held me just a little tighter. 

“Those words,” I muttered sleepily. “I love it when you use the words that started everything.”


	52. Chapter 52

*Julia’s POV*

It took us several days to bury my grandparents. We weren’t emotionally ready to say goodbye at first, and by the time we were we realized we had to allow travel time for those invited to the funeral. Timber’s borders were opened up for the first time since Noctis was born, and that was making both my parents incredibly anxious. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a choice. The Kinneas family had to come in from Balamb, and all of Papa’s friends from his army days were coming in from Galbadia.

I was a little on edge, too. I trusted Terra and Marina Zabac, and I considered them family, but despite Terra’s father being the current president of Galbadia, residual trauma made me a feel a little prickly. I didn’t like the idea of Galbadian’s being inside my birthplace. I was Galbadian by blood, but I was born and raised in the Timberian capitol, I wasn’t a Galbadian citizen, and I didn’t trust them. They had occupied our land for over fifteen years, and moreover, Mom and I both had almost been assassinated in Galbadia when I was no more than two weeks old.

Then there was the fact that our family had ties to the Galbadian army in more ways than one. Papa had been a Galbadian soldier, out of necessity, but my mother’s father had been the army General. He had been proud to be a Galbadian, and that told me everything I needed to know about the sick man. My face was hot with both anger and stress as I attempted to force the thoughts from my mind and tugged on the tight black dress that was threatening to ride up and over my expanding belly. I was twelve weeks pregnant by the time the funeral had finally rolled around, and Trinity’s growth hadn’t slowed down.

Because we had twiddled our thumbs so long, Nana and Papa had already been buried, but the headstones had just been put in place, and I stared at them hard as we stood out in the cold damp April rain. It had been difficult to decide to bury my grandparents in Timber. My father had wanted Papa to be beside Grandma Raine in Winhill. That was where we had buried Ellone, and he felt like the three of them should be together finally. The truth of it was, however, that Winhill had never welcomed my grandfather, and burying him in Winhill would have meant burying him without Nana, who had no purpose for being buried there, and we weren’t about to split them up. It would have hurt Lissa.

Lissa coming home from her mission was already one of the hardest things I had ever had to deal with. She’d left home with two loving parents waving goodbye to her from the warmth of their front porch, and she’d come back to an empty blood covered house an orphan. She and Larxine were now sharing the guest bedroom, and it was becoming clear to my parents that we were running out of space. I was going to be giving birth in six short months and Lissa moving in with us would likely be a permanent arrangement. She couldn’t live in that house by herself with all those memories. Daddy wouldn’t allow it.

“Julia? Julie, baby, are you okay?” Dad’s voice brought me back to the present and I sniffled a little as my eyes poured somberly over the words etched into the dark grey stone. In blessed memory of Laguna and Edea Loire, loving parents and grandparents. It felt so…general. Hollow. There was nothing so simple about the life they had. They had brought joy to every single heart they had ever touched.

“W-What?”

Daddy’s eyes softened and lingered on my middle with a doting worry that warmed me. He had gotten attached to my daughter kind of suddenly, and I was grateful to know that he cared for her wellbeing. “I asked if you wanted to speak.”

_Oh. Shit._ Of course I didn’t want to speak. He didn’t want to speak either, but Momma had told him be better, or he might regret it later. I wondered if she had regrets about not being old enough to have spoken at her own mother’s funeral, if General Caraway would have even allowed it. From what I understood, he’d indirectly been the reason they had gotten in that car accident to begin with. He’d been overly cautious, sending armed body guards with them to Timber, because he didn’t trust our kind. The body guards had gotten into a physical confrontation with the public, they had been forced to flee the scene, and it was raining. It didn’t take much to guess what happened after that.

It angered me on Timber’s behalf. Galbadian’s had seen the people of Timber as less than. He couldn’t trust miscreants as lowly as us with his precious wife; his classism cost me my grandmother and could have easily cost me my mother and my own future. I hoped he could see me from where he burned in hell, and I hoped he was miserable to know that all his grandchildren were Timberian, and damn proud of it. “I…don’t know if I can.”

There was too much going on in my head. I had so many thoughts, and I knew there was nothing I could say that was going to ease the hurt of anyone standing there. We were all together. My family, Tatsuki and his mother, the Dincht’s, the Kinneas’s, the Yoshioka’s, the Almasy’s. Even Ward and Kiros’s families had turned up, though both had been dead since before I was born. Family members I didn’t even know I had on both the Loire and Heartilly sides turned up, though we didn’t speak much to them. So many people had come to pay their respects, and each of them hurt and grieved in their own ways, for their own reasons. What could I have said that would have eased any of our suffering? “You named the fetus after him. Least you could do is say something.” Noctis grumbled.

I blanched at the harsh way he uttered the word _fetus._ Noctis refused to acknowledge Trinity as a person…as his niece. He had a hard time wrapping his mind around why I wanted to keep her. In Noctis’s mind he just couldn’t rationalize feeling love for something he perceived to be hurting me, and I understood that. I tried not to let it bother me, but I bowed my head a little and Dad slapped him with a tired glower. “It’s…it’s okay. He’s right. I should…I should at least try.”

The rain chilled the wind as it seemed to blow straight through my umbrella, and I clutched it for dear life as I struggled to think of the adequate words to describe the loss we were all feeling. My pink raincoat did little to shield the thin dress clinging to my body and I shivered a little, watching as Yevon pelted the fresh grave with a gentle drizzle of water. Maybe flowers would grow there one day, I thought. Papa would have loved that. “Laguna…” No, that didn’t feel right. “My Papa…was a wonderful man. He hadn’t exactly been cut out for the army, but I’m thankful that he had that experience, because if he hadn’t, he never would have met my Grandma Raine, and I wouldn’t have the amazing father that I do. He was an excellent leader in Esthar, but that’s not the legacy that he left behind.”

“His legacy exists in all of us. Nana’s, too. It wasn’t their work that brought them purpose and joy in the end. It was the children. Nana raised almost everyone standing here, either as their surrogate mother or as their grandmother. She loved more children in her lifetime than any of us could fathom and loved them all equally. And Papa…he stepped up to be a father the moment he learned my dad existed and the love that blossomed there was instant. He took the best care of my mother and he was my very best friend when I was a little girl. They will be missed m-more than they will ever—” I couldn’t finish, and Dad snaked his arms around me from behind as I outwardly crumbled.

I turned around in my fathers’ arms and he enveloped me tightly as I sobbed into the swell of his chest. He was in higher spirits now, and I knew it was my mother’s doing. Momma was the only soul in the world that could love my father’s wounds closed, and she had just now gotten him back to a place mentally and emotionally where he was ready to be our rock again. He swayed with me in his arms and pressed a tender kiss to the center of my forehead. “You don’t have to say anymore, Bean. That was beautiful. They would both be very proud of you.”

I could feel the unspoken words lingering in the back of his throat as he pulled me tighter against him and I clung to the fabric of his jacket as he ran his fingers soothingly along my spine. _I’m_ proud of you. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I know, Juli-B. I love you too.”

I could hear Lissa crying so loud behind me that it was almost a scream and my heart was absolutely shattered for her. She hadn’t had as long to adjust to the news as we had, and she had gotten to spend a lot less time her parents than my father had. On one hand, Lissa had been fortunate enough to have been raised by my grandparents from day one, where my father had thought he was an orphan the first seventeen years of his life. But that didn’t necessarily make her luckier. She’d gotten seventeen short years with Nana and Papa, where my father had gotten almost twenty-four.

When I pulled out of Dad’s embrace and turned to look at her, Jacob Kinneas was rocking her back and forth in his arms. She and Jacob had been together long distance for a long time, and I knew he’d been fighting his parents’ tooth and nail to transfer to our Garden. His mother was the Headmistress of Balamb Garden, and I was sure she wanted to keep her son close, but he wanted to be with Lissa. I wondered, now that the SeeD exam was drawing near, how much longer his parents could keep him away from her. Uncle Irvine was grimacing at them and I frowned back as I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my coat. He could be an ass sometimes, and Lissa didn’t need that. “Okay, cool it you two, that’s enough, alright? Let her breathe, Jake.”

Jacob held onto her tighter and a defiant scowl twisted his round face into an unusually angry expression. The kid had inherited his mother’s happy-go-lucky attitude, and I had never really seen Jake be anything less than cheerful. That being said, Lissa had told me more than once that the relationship between he and Irvine had been steadily souring. She felt like she was the cause, and in that moment, I thought she might actually be right. Irvine didn’t seem to like the public display of affection between the two, he’d been watching them for a long moment. “Not this time. She needs me, I’m not leaving her side until she asks. This isn’t about you, Dad, she just lost her family.”

“It’s inappropriate—”

“She’s grieving!” Jacob bit back. His long brunette hair was braided into a side pony-tail and he was sliding out of his Cadet Uniform jacket to wrap it around Lissa’s trembling shoulders as she continued to cling to him tightly. It was barely audible, but I could hear Lissa whimper against the fabric of her boyfriend’s shirt that she felt like Irvine hated her. “Baby, I want you to ignore him—”

“I am your father!”

Uncle Zell was standing in the center of his five children, lingering as far away from us as he possibly could. He was angry about the marriage that Garnet refused to annul and while he was still relatively chatty with my mother and father, he had distanced himself quite a bit from my brother. He swiped a finger under his nose and crossed his ankles as his teal eyes slapped Irvine with a hard, judgey glare. “Quit showin’ your ass, man. This is a funeral.” Irvine stormed off and I watched quietly as Noctis attempted to scoot closer to the Dincht family. Quistis’s expression suggested she was trying to set him on fire with her mind, but Zell seemed to swallow his pride in an attempt at taking his own advice. “You can stand with your…wife. I ain’t gonna stop ya.” 


	53. Chapter 53

I let my father have some alone time with my mother, I could sense that they needed to be near one another, and I wandered away from the small ceremony to get some air. I could hear someone following closely behind me, but I didn’t bother to turn around. I knew it was Tatsuki. He looked so handsome that day in his dark navy SeeD uniform. He’d put on the more formal of his uniforms, for the occasion, and the breast was embroidered with sparklingly white adornments. His jet-black bangs curtained his face neatly and I admired the warm glow of his golden complexion as the sun began to peek a little from behind the rain clouds.

This wasn’t how I had pictured this year going and I nestled a hand under my bump as I blew out a long sigh. I turned my face toward the sky for a moment, admiring the cool of the rain as it sprinkled down on my face. The sky was as grey as the mood out in the cemetery, and I contemplated whether a world without Papa was a world worth bringing my child into. She would never know his unconditional love or joy. She had been robbed of him while tucked away, safe and small inside my womb. I prayed the girl would share a love with my father that was even half as pure. “Not to sound like your mom but…you’re overthinking.”

Tatsuki offered a comforting smile as he spoke, and my breath hitched in my throat as he sauntered toward me. He had grown up with me, he knew my family very well, and it was sweet that he knew my mother was always chastising Daddy for thinking too much or too hard. It made me smile. “You’re so—” I was going to say sweet, but my mind was completely wiped clean of all thought as something stirred deep within my belly. For a moment I wrote it off as gas, but then it happened again. It was the faintest little flutter of movement and I could feel my shoulders beginning to shake before the tears even came.

“Julia? Jules, what’s wrong with the baby?!” There was an urgency and an undercurrent of love in his voice that sept into the cracks of my heart. It was hard to be sad when I was with him, and I couldn’t keep my hands off my child as I looked at him with tears rolling down my cheeks for the umpteenth time that day.

I grabbed for my love’s hands and pressed them firmly against the slight swell of my tummy. “Can you feel her?” I whispered. “Tatsuki she’s…she’s moving.” The worry that had puckered at his brow melted into an awestricken expression and he moved his ands around my abdomen as soft and tender as he was able. It was still jarring to me, to notice the distinct difference in the way he touched me. Soichiro would have hurt Trinity, he would have touched her too hard, and it would have been on purpose.

“I can’t feel anything.” Tatsuki whispered. He sounded so sad, but I smiled at him as my daughter continued to move inside of me for the first time in her life. I didn’t want her to stop and I pressed his hands firmly against the spot where she wiggled. “I thought dads could feel when their baby kicked.”

His brown doe eyes were wide and staring at my belly intently, as if he were determined to prove he was her father by feeling what only I could feel. I ran my fingers through his hair and chuckled a little. “I don’t think she’s kicking, my love. Her legs aren’t quite developed enough for that. I guess this is…quickening? The doctor said I might feel it soon, and that was two weeks ago.”

“That must be it then.” Tatsuki said softly. “She’s not big enough for me to feel yet. Don’t worry, Trinity, when your legs are a little stronger, Daddy is going to feel you move all day.” I still couldn’t believe he wanted to be my child’s father. I didn’t deserve the kind of love he had always had for me. I was three months pregnant, and Tatsuki and I had only been together two of those three months, but I felt like I had been with him a lifetime. I supposed in all honesty we may as well have been. There was so much pint up love between us from years of denying our feelings for one another.

“Are you sure this is what you want? Dad seems bent on holding you to your word.”

Tatsuki was looking at me with an expression that sent heat where it shouldn’t have, and I blushed at the way his lips parted as he stared. Tatsuki was the most gorgeous man I had ever laid my eyes on, that had always been true, even when I was dating Soichiro. I had never been more attracted to someone in all my life. He thought his nose was a little big for his face, and he hated that about himself, but it was my favorite of his features and I bent to kiss it as he knelt to be closer to our daughter. “Julia, I understand that Headmaster Leonhart is trying to protect us both, and I appreciate that, but look at us. We are not children. I am old enough to know what I want, and what I want is you. Forever. That very much includes Trinity.”

“You can love me and love my baby and not step in as her father. That’s okay too.”

Tatsuki huffed. “No. I want to be her father. I want…I want to raise and be a family with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Do you…are you okay with that? It’s okay, if you don’t want me to be. I just—” I was having none of that nonsense and I crushed my lips against his own as he rose slowly to his feet. Of course I wanted him to be, I just didn’t want him to feel trapped.

“I know you’ll treat my girl right. Our girl. I would love—”

“Then marry me.” Tatsuki whispered against my lips. “Please…b-be my wife?” I could feel the color draining from my face and all the oxygen seemed to be sucked from the stormy atmosphere in one moment. “I u-um…I knelt for a reason, but it was hard to reach your lips.” His nose was pressed lovingly against my own and I could feel his hot breath tickling my face as I stared at him. Trinity seemed to wiggle with anticipation and her movement within my womb changed everything. For just a moment, I felt like Nana and Papa had given me their blessing, like it was a sign. The three of us were meant to be a family.

“I-I…” There was a lump caught in my throat and I glanced over Tatsuki’s shoulder to look at my parents. Momma was swaying with Daddy tucked in her arms, as if they were dancing. Dad wasn’t crying, but Mom was being his rock regardless, she had always been exactly what he needed. They were absorbed in one another, and my little sister was babbling away to guests without a care in the world. She didn’t understand what was happening, and I was grateful that she was bringing a pocket of joy to every soul she interacted with. Our family was going to be okay, I didn’t have to worry about this decision. _Do what your heart says is right. That’s what Papa would have said._ “I would be proud to be your wife.”

“Is that a y-yes…” Tatsuki stammered hopefully. He was fidgeting with his hands, as if he were terrified I was about to reject him. Our road to one another had been long, and it was entirely because of me. I had consistently chosen Soichiro again, and again, but that was all over now. No more being abused, no more playing silly games, none of that mattered anymore. I just wanted to be with my best friend.

“Yes.” I whispered. “Yes, I will marry you.” I regretted every moment that I had spent waiting for this beautiful soul to come running after me. We had been so in love, for all our lives, and I knew it was my fault Trinity wasn’t biologically his. If I had been honest with my feelings from the beginning…I shook my head to clear it of the negative thoughts. That was in the past. We were together now, and we loved our daughter regardless of her genetic makeup. “I’m desperately in love with you.”

The happiness that exploded from Tatsuki was pure and sweet and my entire heart melted as he twirled me around in his arms. His hands were trembling, and he dug in his pocket for a moment before pulling a simple rose gold engagement ring. The diamond glittered brightly as the sun caught it and I couldn’t breathe as he slipped it onto the third finger of my left hand. “It was my mother’s. My dad’s been dead just as long as I’ve been alive, so she wasn’t upset about parting with it, she wanted us to have a piece of them going into our new life together. It was her idea…I um…I hope you think it’s as beautiful as I know you to be.”

“I love it, and you, and your sweet parents.” I jerked him forward and kissed him everything I had. His soft lips opened for me immediately and I shivered as my tongue waltzed gently with his own. My heart was so broken, for a thousand different reasons, but as terrible as 2023 had shaped up to be, it was the moments like that that kept me alive. I started to cry, and he held my head against his chest as our kiss dissolved into a pitiful but elated sob. “You’re everything to me.”

He squeezed me harder and I could feel his heart hammering in his chest as he threaded his fingers into my hair. “I never thought…I never thought I’d get to be with you like this. I’ve dreamed of this moment since we were babies ourselves, and now we…we’re having one.” He claimed Trinity as easy as breathing and I could feel the need that swelled inside him to protect her. He was in love with us both. “You’re my Jule. Always. And I…I wanted to ask you something.”

I wasn’t sure I could handle any more surprises, but there was no way I could have said no. He had presented me with his entire heart, and he was being incredibly vulnerable with me. I would have done anything in the world for him. “Of course.”

“I know she’s going to be a Sorceress. I’ve heard Mrs. Leonhart talking about it. She can sense it.” I nodded. A small frown tugged at the corners of my lips, though I attempted to will it away. I didn’t like to think about Trinity being a Sorceress, and I understood now why my mother had always been so careful with me. It was a dangerous gift to have, one I desperately wanted to protect her from. “May I be her Knight?”

I don’t know what I had been expecting, but that hadn’t been it. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that her little spirit would be needing a guardian, even in the beginning. Daddy was my Knight, and Momma’s and Rosie’s. I couldn’t ask him to take on yet another charge. The thought of Tatsuki guarding our child like my father guarded me, solidified the notion that we truly were a family unit. This was really happening. “Baby of course you can be her Knight. You…you _are_ her Knight.”

Tatsuki grinned and pulled back a little to place his hands on either side of my belly. “You hear that, little one? Daddy is going to protect you with everything that he is. I promise you.” 


	54. Chapter 54

*Tatsuki’s POV*

It was dark and still within the Leonhart residence and Julia was asleep, curled into a ball in my lap as we lazed on the half-destroyed couch by the fire. The funeral had been draining and most everyone had turned in early, but Headmaster Leonhart was seated quietly in the armchair that faced us. He was sipping a glass of bourbon and his eyes stared into the fire as if he were seeing past it entirely. I was terrified that he was angry with me, but on the other hand, I had witnessed angry, and this didn’t appear to be it. The stuffing leaking from the couch was evidence enough of the Headmaster’s occasional temper.

“S-Sir…I apologize if I overstepped any—”

“You didn’t.” Headmaster Leonhart blinked at the fire for a few beats before turning an almost insecure gaze toward me. His face was hard as stone and his lips were pressed into a thin line, but his eyes were soft as they looked Julia and I up and down. It was an expression that was hard to read. “Tatsuki, I…I had a talk with Julia, before the funeral. I think we need to have a conversation about it.”

Anxiety burned hot in my stomach and my hands fluttered absently to her abdomen. I was terrified that Julia’s father didn’t want me to have anything to do with her. I wouldn’t have blamed him. After what happened with Soichiro, I wouldn’t have trusted a man around my daughter either. Headmaster Leonhart was like a father to me, however, and there was a pit in my heart that ached at the idea that he could possibly resent me or the relationship I’d developed with his little girl over the years.

I must have looked like a deer in headlights because he snorted and shook his head. “You can breathe, kiddo, you’re not in trouble.” Mr. Leonhart swirled the dark alcohol around in his glass for a moment and sighed. “I had to make sure you were taken care of. You’re my son, just as much as Julia is my daughter. Aside from her mother, of course, Julia is my favorite person on this Earth, she is my reason for being alive. That being said, I know my little girl, and I know she’s easily…swept. She’s driven by her emotions in a way that supersedes logic from time to time.”

I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going. He had just called me his son. That meant more to me than he would ever know. I had looked up to Squall since I was four years old and I chased his shadow just as hard, if not harder than his daughter had. It had been the greatest honor of my life, when he had promoted me to Commander. Yet, he almost sounded like he was implying that Julia wasn’t in love with me. That I couldn’t handle. “I k-know how this seems, but—”

“Do you?” Headmaster Leonhart asked seriously. “Tatsuki, Julia loves you. With her whole heart, she loves you. I know that, I’ve always known that, it was one of the main reasons I disliked her being with…you know, before. She didn’t love him, she was waiting for you. I wanted to talk to her and make sure she wasn’t rushing into anything with you just because she’s aching to be loved right now. You’ve loved her so hard your whole life, and that wouldn’t be fair to you.”

I swallowed hard. “What did she say?” It blew my mind a little, how well he could read his daughter. Julia had told me that herself, that she had never loved Soichiro. I wasn’t upset that she was waiting for me to chase her. If anything it made me a little happy, knowing the feelings had been mutual. I just regretted not giving her the attention she deserved from the beginning. If I’d been more forward with my own emotions, maybe she wouldn’t have been in the situation she found herself in. I should have protected her.

“I think you could guess how she felt…she accepted your proposal. Julia told me she hated herself for holding you to an impossible standard and not telling you how much she loved you. She said she would spend the rest of her life making it up to you and that she would have no one else.” Squall’s chest seemed heavy as he spoke, like he was getting emotional and I dropped my gaze to Julie’s sleeping face.

She looked so peaceful, and I prayed that having my arms around her would be enough to ward off the night terrors. I caressed the side of Julia’s face and shook my head. “Oh…Jules…” I wished she wouldn’t be so hard on herself. We were young, and she wanted what her parents had. She had expected me to fill her father’s shoes. I couldn’t blame her for that. She deserved someone that would love her as strongly as he did. “I’m sorry, Sir. I’m sorry that I didn’t ask your permission to ask for her hand. I intended to, but she was so sad at the funeral and I just…I couldn’t bare to watch her heart break for another moment. I…got carried away with myself.”

For a second the ghost of a smirk crossed Headmaster Leonhart’s face and he took another long sip of his bourbon. “You’re lucky I’m fond of you.” He shot me a look, but there was a playfulness in his eyes that soothed my worry. “Tatsuki I’m not angry about the proposal.” My eyebrows rose in surprise, though mild terror pricked my spine as he sat his glass down to stand. I respected the Headmaster more than anyone in the world, the last thing I wanted was for him to be disappointed in me. He knelt down in front of the couch and took one of Julia’s hands in his own. “I want you to understand something. When I give you my daughter, I’m giving you my heart. You’ll understand that when it comes time for Trinity to marry one day. Do not break it. Don’t make me regret trusting another man with my little girl.”

We made eye contact for a long hard moment and I nodded my head. I knew what he was asking, and I was willing to pay any price to keep Julia safe. I always had been. “You’re her Knight, sir. You want her to be safe. I promise you I will protect and love her with my life. Soichiro is a coward and a monster. I would sooner die than hurt Julie. I l-love her.” My voice trembled a little and I turned my face away in embarrassment. Squall hadn’t seen me cry since I was a child, and I would have preferred to keep it that way. I was his Commander, I didn’t want him to think I was weak.

“Listen kid, I…I’m not going to live forever. I’m forty years old, and there will come a time when I’m not here to protect her anymore. I  _ know  _ that you love her. I’ve watched you love her your whole life. I don’t think you fully understand what I’m asking of you.” When I turned my face back toward him there was a sharp edge to his gaze, though he looked as if he might cry. He was stern, serious, and…heartbroken. Understanding washed over my face and I stammered as I struggled to find my voice.

“You w-want me to be her Knight.”

Squall nodded. He rose without waiting for an answer from me, and that spoke volumes about the level of devotion he knew existed between us. He knew I wouldn’t refuse. “Keep my baby safe, or I’ll kill you myself.” He wasn’t kidding, I knew Headmaster Leonhart very well. I had seen him kill in her defense more than once. There was a hard lump in my throat, but I nodded as he reached down to ruffle my hair with a small smile. “Good kid.” He gestured toward the back door with a nod of head. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”

Julia was comfortable curled up on top of me and I didn’t want to jostle her or our child. What if Trinity was asleep in there too? I must have looked helpless for a moment, because the Headmaster laughed under his breath and shook his head. “Sir, I can’t—”

“You’re my son. You can call me Squall.”

“Yes s-sir, I m-mean Squall.” I stuttered uncomfortably. He laughed again and rolled his eyes. Sometimes I thought he enjoyed making me uncomfortable.

Headmaster Leonhart propped the backdoor open and gestured again. “Come on. Julia is a heavy sleeper, you won’t wake her. She’ll be okay on the couch for a little bit.” The backdoor was in the kitchen, which was connected with the living room via a broad open floorspace. It was all hard cherrywood and the floor creaked a little as I gingerly lifted Julia in my arms to stand. She didn’t so much as stir, and I covered her up to her chin with both blue and white blankets Mrs. Leonhart kept draped over the back of the sofa. I bent to press a small kiss to the center of her forehead, and I was about to do the same with her belly when my anxiety caught up with me.

I was acutely aware of Squall’s eyes boring holes into my back and when I braved a glance at him he quickly turned his head, though he was mid eye-roll. “You’re being real cute, but if you don’t hurry—” It was almost as if we both could mentally hear President Leonhart scolding him for being an ass and he shook his head with a resigned sigh and a deep frown. “…whatever, fine. We’re just wasting cold air.”

I quickly kissed my little girl, still a little sad that I couldn’t feel her precious movements yet. I was so excited to be her father. I tried not to linger or dote too long, sprinting toward the open door and following my future father-in-law out into the yard. The sky was tar-like, and the grass was damp, but I assumed he needed to speak on something no one needed to over-hear. Garden business. The Headmaster wasn’t a SeeD anymore, which made me the highest-ranking  SeeD at Garden just beneath my Co-Commander Zell  Dincht . There was plenty that remained confidential among the three of us.

“So, you’re a Knight now. That’s not a passive title.” 

Squall was staring blankly up at the sky with his hands jammed in his pockets and I followed his gaze into the bleak expanse of nothingness. There was a breeze and we stood there together amid the light drizzle in a comfortable silence for a long moment. There was a chill in the air, but nothing I couldn’t handle, and I admired the way the stars twinkled brilliantly in the distance. There wasn’t anything in the world like nights in Timber. You could smell the wet earth and the scent from the pine trees as it whispered through your senses and it was soothing to any who had spent time outside of the region. I hated nights in  Balamb or  Trabia when I was away on missions. There was no place like my home. “I. ..became one this morning, actually. Julia is allowing me to be Trinity’s Knight.”

Squall didn’t seem surprised, he merely nodded. “Then, you’ve been handed a lot of responsibility today, son. Even more reason for us to have this discussion. You’ve been an honorary member of the Lone Knights for a while, but you haven’t had the chance to really see what we do. I think it’s time that changed.” 

I frowned. The Lone Knights of Aria North were a group of elite  SeeD’s that Headmaster Leonhart had hand-picked to police sorcery within the city. He hadn’t wanted to, but the cabinet that worked under the president was pushing for Sorceress reform. It was decided that Timber could not allow so many Sorceresses to freely reside in one place without keeping magic safely in check. It was the country’s way of keeping another Sorceress like Adel or  Ultimecia from assuming control. They weren’t an oppressive force, but I could easily see how they could be twisted into something like the  Orderless . 

Squall wasn’t a fool. He had been afraid of that from the beginning, and that was precisely why only  SeeD’s that were highly decorated and trusted within the Headmaster’s circle were elected to join. I had been an honorary member based upon my ranking alone, but to be initiated into the program you had to serve as a Sorceresses Knight. In Squall’s eyes, no Knight would ever willfully hurt a Sorceress, and it was our Garden’s sole purpose to protect all Sorceresses in Gaia. Now that I was one, I supposed this meant I was in. “I assume I’m about to be spending a lot more time at Sanctuary Heartilly?” 

Headmaster Leonhart’s smile was warm but he saluted me rigidly before clapping a hand down on my shoulder and giving it a firm squeeze. “You can count on that. I am very, very proud of you, Tatsuki.”


	55. Chapter 55

*Squall’s POV* 

Having a moment with Tatsuki had brought me a sense of clarity about my relationship with my own son. It had occurred to me long after I’d climbed into bed with Rinoa that night that my relationship with Tatsuki was what Noctis wished we had. That wasn’t a bit fair. I was angry that he hadn’t put any forward thought into making love to Nettie, and even more betrayed that neither his mother nor I had been informed of their decision to marry. That didn’t, however, mean that I had stopped loving him. I had all but begged Rinoa for another child; I had wanted Noctis desperately, and I was becoming keenly aware that I had done a piss-poor job of showing it. 

_It’s your fault he didn’t breathe a word of getting married. He knew you wouldn’t take him seriously. You never have._ I thought miserably as I got ready to head to the farm that morning. I had taken a day off work to make some repairs to the door and the stables down at Seifer’s farm from where my youngest had wreaked a little havoc. _You’re a terrible father._ My life with Rinoa and the kids was far happier than I was deserving of and I had somehow wasted all sixteen of Noctis’s years being too preoccupied with what was wrong with him as opposed to what was uniquely perfect. 

_That changes today, son. I promise._ I tugged my wedding band on overtop my gloves and knelt to lace my boots as I chewed hard on the inside of my cheek. I wasn’t sure how to make it up to him, but I figured I ought to start with some quality time. Noctis thought he was hiding it from me, but I was Garden’s Headmaster. I knew he was failing all his classes. I knew that when July came and the SeeD ball rolled around…my son would not be making the cut to become a SeeD. That was okay. It was going to have to be. There was no chance of him pulling himself out of that hole in time that year, so I didn’t feel guilty about pulling the boy from his classes for the day. 

Noctis had tried hard to follow in mine and his sister’s footsteps to become a gunblade specialist. Julia had a natural talent and grace with the weapon that I was very proud of, but Noctis never had seemed to get the hang of it. He was clunky and his skinny arms weren’t strong enough for the brunt force necessary to swing it. I would never forget the final time he used one before I had jerked him from the specialization. Gunblades were a complicated weapon in terms of mechanics and that was part of the reason not many students at Garden had successfully completed the coursework necessary to wield one. 

A standard Revolver had a large chamber that held roughly seven thick rubber bullets. The bullets were expelled into a small offshoot when the trigger was pulled that cycled the bullet back into its slot whenever the next bullet in the rotation was rotated into position. Because of this mechanism the bullets never exited the weapon, they were not meant to. The sole purpose of the trigger in a gunblade was to use the vibration from the shot to incapacitate and overpower your target by amplifying the impact of the blade. It was not meant to function as an actual gun…unless your name happened to be Noctis Leonhart. 

My son had a fundamental misunderstanding of how most weaponry at Garden was operated. After an entire frustrating afternoon of failing to teach him to spar with his sister, I had resigned to teaching him how to reload it properly. Over time the rubber in the bullets would erode and deteriorate and they needed replacing. I had given the Lion Heart to Julia when she graduated, thus I had been using a standard issue Cutting Trigger for a few years in its stead. That seemed a little advanced for Noctis, so I had an old Revolver pulled from the armory and we had laid it out near the pond in the training center. 

Noctis was sullen and on the verge of tears and I had tried my best to soothe the child. He was embarrassed to have failed in front of me repeatedly, and I knew that. I couldn’t bare to see him so upset, so I was careful to show him very slowly how to safely open and reload the weapon. I hoped maybe if he caught on to it quickly it would raise his spirits a little. I was already mulling over in my head his other options. The gunblade wasn’t the right fit for him. I smiled at him and pressed a warm kiss to the boy’s cheek. “Come on son, you can do it. Exactly as I did, show me how to open the chamber.” 

My little boy looked down at the shiny metal with a determination that melted my insides. He popped the chamber open with relative ease, and I was very encouraged by that. “See? That’s my boy. Now take the bullets out and put them back in for me.” Noctis offered me a small smile and wedged his tiny fingers inside to tug the oblong rubber out of their trappings. He examined them closely, holding them up so close to his big brown doe eyes that I had to chuckle at him. 

“They’re not damaged, Daddy!” 

“Good job. Now put them back in and let’s go a few rounds, just you and me. No Jules.” The excitement that lit his face was endearing and he jammed the bullets back inside the gunblade hastily. He competed so hard with his sister and she was so many levels above him in terms of skill that it really broke down his self-esteem. I was hoping facing off against myself instead would earn him a little of that back. I knew my own strength, unlike my daughter, and I knew when to hold back and let him learn. 

I backed away a few paces and drew the Cutting Trigger from its holster. I motioned for the boy to come at me and Noctis tried with all his strength to swing the Revolver at me. He was a little wobbly, but it clanged weakly against my own gunblade and I pretended to stagger back a little as I parried the attack. “Atta boy, c’mon, again!” 

Noctis let out the sweet bubbly laugh of a child and I almost felt like he was a toddler again. Noctis’s voice didn’t catch up with his teenage body until around his fifteenth birthday, so my thirteen-year-old still sounded like he was eight. I missed that. He ran toward me and I purposefully flipped as if I were dodge rolling away from him, in an attempt at leaving my blind spot open for him to take a swipe at. “Pull the trigger this time, Noctis, don’t hold back, I’ll be okay.” 

The chances of him hurting me at his skill level were slim to none, I could handle a shaky blade being knocked into my back a time or two. Hell, I’d have been thrilled if he’d managed to scrape or injure me. My back end was exposed, and the child did as he asked, pulling back as hard as he could on the trigger as he leapt through the air. What I hadn’t anticipated, was the sharp painful sting that cut into the center of my ass. In his haste to spar with me, Noctis had been careless about securing the chamber, and he hadn’t gotten it closed all the way. 

One of the gunblades rubber bullets had shot out of the weapon and into my backside and I yelped as the leggy child tumbled down on top of me. I had a bruised and bleeding ass for several days and Noctis was moved to the brawler training courses instead. Zell had offered to take him under his wing, and I had hoped it would help him gain a little muscle mass. I laughed at the memory, though my heart ached at remembering how hard he struggled. He felt like he’d let me down, and I knew he probably felt those same emotions now. 

Loving Garnet was nothing I wanted him to be ashamed of. She was chronically ill and wasn’t expected to live as long as most patients with Lupus. Hers was active and aggressive and she stayed very sick. His complete and total adoration of her was one of the purest things I had ever had the pleasure of witnessing in my own children, and I knew that the happiness he brought her kept her healthy longer. I owed my son an apology. 

I crept into his room that morning and peered over the side of his bed quietly as I watched him sleep a moment. His long black hair was messy and strewn about the sharp edges of his face. He looked so much like his grandfather that it physically hurt me and I reached to gently caress the side of his cheek. My little boy. He had his mother’s hair and eyes, but every other feature on that face was a blend of my father and I. I loved him so much. “Noctis, wake up kiddo.” 

Noctis might have had my face, but his mannerisms were one hundred percent Rinoa and he scrunched that nose up at me with a whine. “I don’t want to go to Garden today, Dad. I hate it there.” That broke my heart, and I wanted to get defensive, but I reminded myself that today was about Noctis. I had to be and do better if I wanted to have a good relationship with my boy. I was desperate for him to know that I loved him. I sat on the edge of his bed and smiled. 

“Good thing you don’t have to go today then. Someone’s loving father requested his leave for the day.” The teenager blinked at me as if I were stupid and sat up suddenly to get a better look at my face. He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he were trying to read into my expression and I shook my head at him. “I’m not pulling your leg; you have the day off. We both do.” 

Noctis’s eyes dropped to his hands and he rolled his silver lip ring around with his tongue anxiously. “Oh. So this is about my grades probably. Go on then. Let me have it. I deserve it for being such an airhead.” _Does he really think his grades are the only reason I’d take a day off with him?_ I couldn’t look at him and I willed the tears pricking my eyes away as I placed a hand gently on one of his shoulders. 

“Don’t talk about yourself that way. You try your best, that’s what matters. I don’t...I don’t give a shit about your grades, son, I just wanted to spend the day with you.” I admitted softly. He was still looking at me like he thought it was some sort of test, but a sliver of emotion touched his eyes. He inched closer to me and for a moment there was a hopefulness amid his gloomy expression that reminded me of his mother. A happiness. 

“No Garden, no Julie?” 

I nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Just you and me, I promise. I need your help for a really big job today. I couldn’t do it without you.” It wasn’t a lie. Noctis was a poor Cadet, that was true, and an even poorer student. But no son of mine was talentless. Noctis was a beautiful artist and working with his hands was something he had loved to do since he was a small child. If anyone could help me restore the stained-glass door I’d shattered beyond repair, it was my boy. 

Noctis smiled but insecurity bled from his body language, as if he were afraid he might disappoint me. It was becoming clear that I had a lot of damage control to do if I wanted to make sure my son felt wanted and that broke my heart more than anything that had happened that week. I wanted us to come to a place where we could understand one another. “D-Dad, I’m not sure...” 

I took him roughly by his shoulders and gave him a firm shake as I forced his wide innocent eyes to look at me. “Noctis Laguna you are a gift. You have talents that I could never have, that your sister could never have. I know that you can do this.” A childlike grin finally broke across his face and I smirked as I leaned my forehead against his own. “Now quit your moping and get dressed. We’re stopping to get garlic burgers from McDeling’s on our way out of town.” 


	56. Chapter 56

*Rinoa’s POV* 

We had laid there a long while after our lovemaking, basking in the closeness of one another before succumbing to sleep. Squall’s frazzled emotions seemed momentarily soothed and he was trailing his fingers along my spine as we listened to the gentle rise and fall of one another’s breathing. “So much bad shit has happened. Too much. I almost…I almost wish you _would_ get pregnant. I could use some good news.” 

I had to laugh at that. Squall loved children and I knew the fact that we were bordering the edge of grandparenthood was doing little to quiet the paternal feelings that swelled inside my husband. “It’s okay. Even if I don’t, there are plenty of good memories coming, Squall. I promise. Our baby is having a baby. We get to help her bring a new life into the world, we get to paint a nursery, plan a wedding…we get to watch her life fill with the kind of happiness we’ve given to each other. It means…it means we’ve succeeded in being her parents.” 

A satisfied smile crossed his face, as if he were content with that information, and he seemed thoughtful for a few moments as he pressed a tender kiss to the side of my face. “That reminds me. We’re going to have to add on to the house. We’ve officially run out of space.” That was true. With Larxine and Lissa now living with us there wasn’t any room for this baby. I was sure Julia would want to keep Trinity in the bed with her at first, like Squall and I had done with her, but that wouldn’t last forever. The child needed her own space. “There’s something I want to do first, though, before we do any transitioning into the new life our family is building.” 

I rose an eyebrow at him curiously and rocked a little as our still connected bodied hummed with affection for one another. “Oh? And just what would that be?” Our family was expanding and doing so soon. Julia was only three months pregnant, but Squall knew as good as I that the next six months were going to fly by. I felt like I had blinked, and I was nine months pregnant with Julia. We didn’t have a whole lot of time to start preparing for our grandchild. If we were going to add a bedroom onto the house, it needed to happen quickly, or we needed to be looking for another place to live. The thought made my nose wrinkle. I’d given birth to all but one of my children in that house. I didn’t like the idea of leaving it behind. 

Squall reached for the Griever ring that had started it all, which was nestled right beside my mother’s wedding band on my old chain necklace. His fingers lightly grazed the sapphires he’d had encrusted into the side when he’d asked me to be his wife and a sweet tenderness danced across those steely blue eyes. “I guess Noctis and Tatsuki have me feeling some type of way.” He flopped back against the pillows dramatically and his long bangs scattered as he stared up at the ceiling with an almost nervous frown. “I’d really like it if you…would marry me.” 

What? I had to stifle a laugh, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “Baby, I think I married you a long time ago, or is there something you need to tell me?” I teased, curling against him and playfully burying my nose into the crook of his neck. “Mrs. Leonhart is my favorite title.” I didn’t have to look at him to know that a smug smirk was stretching across his face and I felt him move his face toward me to nuzzle his cheek against the top of my head. 

“We’ll have been married twenty-four years in November. That’s…that’s almost thirty. You’ve loved what was unlovable for over half your life. I want to honor that. I want to renew our vows…in our meadow…surrounded by our children.” 

My heart clenched in my chest and I forced him to look at me as tears stung at my eyes. “You were never unlovable, Squall. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll love you always.” I flicked my tongue against his lips and he groaned a little as he granted me access, entwining his fingers into my hair. “I would be more than happy to renew all our promises. You’re my husband and my Knight and the father of my children. You’re…everything to me.” 

“Would it still be romantic if I just responded with ditto?” He asked sleepily, chuckling as I slapped him playfully across his chest and turned my nose up at him. He looked so happy, like years’ worth of worry had melted from his face. He looked younger, and lighter, like he had when Julia was still just a little girl. 

“Not at all.” I teased, pretending to be angry, though it was hard to keep the complete and total adoration off my face. His muscular arms coiled tighter around my waist and he nibbled at my shoulder with an affection that warmed my body. 

I tried to push the happy memory from my thoughts as I prepared for the meeting Felicia and I were currently working on. War had all but been declared on the Shumi, and the new Elder called to take Marluxia’s place, Luso, would be adjourning to discuss what that was to mean for both peoples. I was far keener on daydreaming about my second round of upcoming nuptials. I took no pleasure in making heavy decisions on behalf of our nation without Squall present, but I hadn’t forgotten our encounter with Marluxia. The Shumi _would_ learn to respect female authority, thus I had made Squall stay home and keep our daughter company. 

The good news was, I had already conferred with both President Zabac and Duke Gabbiani, and we had been assured the backing of both Galbadia and Dollet. I was grateful that Julia’s mission for the duke had gone so well; he was more than pleased to extend an offer of protection for our SeeD’s via the Dollet military. All that was left now was deciding whether sanctions would be enough, or if we would actually have to resort to violence. I didn’t want to deploy our SeeD’s. Especially not when that likely meant Tatsuki would be pulled away from Julia. But Squall had fought plenty when our first child was on her way. Sometimes there was no avoiding it. 

It was like Felicia could sense the solemn energy radiating off me and she slid an arm around my waist as we settled into a kneeling position, as was Shumi custom. I leaned my head on her shoulder and basked in her warmth for just a moment. Along with Zell and Quistis, Felicia Yoshioka was my best friend. I was happy to have her by my side when I needed her most. She was the kind of strong I aspired to. She made me feel like Timber could do and accomplish anything. Like _I_ could do and accomplish anything. “I love you, Fee.” 

Felicia squeezed my hand. “I love you too, Noa.” I didn’t want the moment to end, but we both froze, squaring our shoulders back a little straighter as a thin waif of a Shumi sauntered into the small meeting room. His hands were tucked neatly into his long robes and he looked a little young to be an Elder, though I wouldn’t have dared to say so. He wasn’t portly in the ways Marluxia or NORG had been, nor the Elder Squall and I had met back in the days of Ultimecia. His face was pinched and swollen with anger and a defensive bubble was already roiling in my belly. 

I could tell by looking that this conference would not be cordial. “It would seem that on my sister Larxine’s fifteenth birthday, she was abducted by Timber Garden late into the afternoon. Now that I have taken Eldership from my late father, I will be requesting my family be returned to us before these proceedings go any further.” Luso’s tone was clipped, but he hadn’t witnessed anger yet. I knew Larxine was much too young, but fifteen years old? That meant she had been fourteen when…when Marluxia…my breakfast rose in the back of my throat and I pressed my balled fists into the hardwood to keep myself from crying. 

It was more than just kindness that compelled me to take the teenager with me. My heart couldn’t have taken leaving any child behind in that situation, but especially not hers. I considered myself to be very lucky that Squall was my first. My first and only love, and the only man I had ever given myself to. Yet, if I hadn’t left for Timber when I had, that wouldn’t have come even close to being the truth. Fury Caraway had been an okay father in the beginning. He and my mother weren’t happy, their marriage was falling apart, but he had never done anything to hurt me. 

As I grew older, it became more and more clear that my mother was the only thing that ever stood between myself and his abuse. I was five years old when she lost her life, and I’d been his plaything ever since. He screamed, threw things, pulled my hair, pinned me down…but none of the emotional abuse was anything like what started happening after I hit puberty. The worst of it happened several months before the final incident, the one that gave me the push I needed to leave for Timber. I remembered it well, because it was shortly after my first conversation with Zone and Watts. 

It was close to the anniversary of my mother’s passing and I had been thinking about Timber a lot. My mother loved to sing and perform in Timber and she had died there. I had taken a trip to what was now the capitol to visit the small roadside memorial that had been amassed over the years at the spot the accident had transpired. I preferred to visit her memory there. I hated that her remains resided in Deling City. It wasn’t what she would have wanted. My father had been away on business, and it was the perfect opportunity for Angelo and I to take the first train out of the miserable city. 

It was raining that day, much in the torrential way it had been the day I had lost her. I had sat on the side of the road, knees tucked under my chin, and talked to her for several hours. People who would weave in and out of my life for the next several years walked the busy sidewalks, and I would soon come to know almost everyone in the small city-state intimately. I had been crying, telling Mama all about how hard life had gotten without her. Felicia used to work at the hotel, and often jogged from there to the Timber Maniacs building in a pink sports bra on her lunch breaks. She had learned to use a gunblade entirely on her own, and had been saving up money for her parents to send her to Galbadia Garden. 

Felicia and her family hadn’t known that at seventeen she was already beyond the age requirement for any of the three original Garden’s, but fate worked in mysterious ways, and I found it to be no coincidence that she had ended up working for Timber Garden once it was built. Felicia had been a less active member of the Forest Owls in those days, and that afternoon she happened to have looped by me twice as I had a small mental breakdown that was long overdue. I cried about everything. My mother was gone and she was never coming back. My father was abusing me. The one place my mother loved more than anything in the world was suffering. My heart couldn’t take the brunt of it all. I was too soft, and the world too cruel. 

Her hair was longer at the time, braided and pulled together into a high ponytail at the top of her head and she stopped to catch her breath on her way back to work. Sweat glistened off her exposed skin and she wiped her bright yellow wristband across the beads that soaked her forehead. “Are you alright? I’ve seen you around here before...was Julia Heartilly...you kind of look like her, if you don’t mind me saying so. Was she family?” 

“My mom.” Was all I could say. I was embarrassed and I wiped my tears on my arm warmers as she knelt down to offer me a small smile. A few Galbadian soldiers stopped on the other end of the street and they exchanged a few glances at the sight of us gathered around the memorial, as if we had no business loitering on the side of a busy roadway. “I can’t stand those bastards.” I muttered, tearing my gaze away from Felicia’s concerned expression in an attempt at recomposing my normally sunshiny demeanor. I forced a bright smile to my lips and extended my hand for her to take. “I’m sorry...forget I said anything. My name is Rinoa. Rinoa Heartilly.” 

Felicia pulled me up suddenly and brushed off the back of my duster as she looked me up and down with a small smile. “Sounds like you’ve got every reason in the world to hate President Deling. We all know the story. Your mother never should have...well, I don’t have to tell you that. You don’t have to sit there all by your lonesome. C’mon, there is a lady that lives not far from here named Kaede, there are some people I think you’d like to meet.”


	57. Chapter 57

The old woman they called Kaede was a single mother of three that lived in a small house connected to the alleyway that lead around to the backend of the Aphrora Pub. She ended up losing her life during the battle for Timber’s independence, and it was something that had haunted Squall for the first few years we were married. At the time, she was what was known as the Forest Fox, and the Owls were huddled in her upstairs bedroom that afternoon. Felicia hadn’t bothered to knock on the door, all freedom fighters were welcome in Kaede’s house at all hours of the day, and an unusual shyness seized at my throat as I followed my new friend up the stranger’s steps.

I was an extrovert by all accounts, but I didn’t know any of the people that suddenly surrounded me, and I was entirely on my own, save for Angelo, who hugged my legs so closely it was almost hard to walk.  _ It’s okay girl.  _ I thought as I stroked her fur absently.  _ We’ve gotten out of plenty of scrapes on our own if this goes sideways.  _ Thankfully for me, my willingness to trust almost anyone hadn’t gotten me into any trouble that day, and all the faces up in Kaede’s bedroom were friendly. Her young sons were playing a game with their sister, stretched out on the small floor with a black tabby cat.

“Everyone, I’d like you meet Rinoa Heartilly.”

Kaede didn’t pay me much mind, she was pouring over what looked like official government documents that were probably in her possession illegally. A few of the teens that surrounded her shot me a scathing look, like I better keep my mouth closed, but there were two kids who seemed to be about my age that were lingering toward the back of the room with wide, optimistic smiles. One of them was leaning forward with both hands pressed against his stomach, as if he thought he might be sick, and his lips twitched into a squirrely, nervous smile as he looked me up and down. “W-Wow…”

Felicia rolled his eyes at him so hard I thought they might stick that way. “Don’t scare her away, Zone. She’s not going to want to join if you keep ogling her like that.” Join? I blinked stupidly at them both. Join what? I didn’t even live in Timber, and I was still several months out from leaving home for the final time. The night That Man had shoved his tongue in my mouth…that night would be the final straw, although, as I would come to find out that night, I should have left much, much sooner.

I giggled. “It’s okay. It’s nice to meet you, Zone. Who is your friend?” I leaned forward playfully with my arms behind my back and titled my head at the boys. I was a little bit of a flirt in my youth, and it excited me that anyone would show interest. I wasn’t attracted to Zone, but any life I could have had outside of Caraway’s mansion was a thrilling possibility. Zone was thin and lanky, but his cohort was a bit stalky and his cheeks puffed out as he offered me a warm smile.

“Forgive me, ma’am. My name is Watts, ma’am.” I was sixteen years old, I had never been ma’am’ed before, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. Someone was awfully polite. I was mildly irritated by it. I had assumed initially that he was behaving that way around me because of who my name implied my father to be, though the longer I knew Watts the more I realized it was just his way.

Zone glared at him for a fleeting moment, as if he was jealous that Watts had the audacity to answer a question I’d directed at him, and that might have been a red flag if I’d had the time to really process it. A loud banging sound floated up the stairs and the clatter of metal against the wood floors screeched through air as several of the Owls jammed papers and documentation anywhere it would fit. The voice that shook the walls was one I recognized at an instant and I pointed toward the open window with shaky fingers. “A-Anyone engaged in anything that might be seen as violating Galbadian law needs to leave. You need to leave  _ now _ that’s the General.”

Several of the younger teens clamored to safety right before my father materialized before us. I didn’t understand what he was doing there. He was supposed to be away on business, not stalking me in what should have been a foreign nation. My father wasn’t a good man, and his dealings with women were…less than ideal. I stood defiantly in front of Felicia, shielding her body with my own as I lifted my chin high with a pride that swelled deep within a pit in my stomach. I  _ was  _ proud to be Julia Heartilly’s daughter, and I was proud to be everything that my father wished I wasn’t. I wasn’t cruel, I wasn’t unkind, I didn’t hate a single soul in all of Gaia.

“Daughter.” He hissed, reaching for my wrist as I stumbled backward and pushed Felicia further from his grasp.

“Father.”

The General forced an ersatz smile onto his face and pretended not to notice Angelo as she leaned backwards on her hind legs, ready to lunge. She knew how he was, and she was ready to spring to my defense should he get handsy. “Daddy told you he was going on business. You should have stayed home, it’s not safe here. Come on, I think we need to have a conversation,  Rinny .”

My blood boiled at his use of the affectionate nickname. My mother’s nickname. It left a bitter taste in my mouth and I bit the inside of my cheek hard. I hated That Man, and yet there was a strange undercurrent of desperate affection that sometimes rippled through me, as if the part of me that was still a child yearned to have a bond with him. That was the part of me that was afraid, too. “If I go with you, you’ll leave these nice people alone, are we understood?”

My father’s expression never wavered, but I could see the rage buried in his dark brown eyes. “Of course, my darling. As usual, none of the miscreants you hang around with will be punished for your  _ shenanigans.”  _ His voice was sugary sweet, but the word shenanigans had a bite to it that made me flinch. I didn’t say a word, walking toward my father and brushing Felicia off as she frantically grabbed for my arm. I didn’t want any of them to wind up in the D-District prison...or worse. They didn’t even know me; they didn’t deserve to be punished because they existed in the same room as a pop singer’s bouncing bundle of wasted space. I wasn’t anything.

It wasn’t a long walk back to Timber’s hotel, but the longer we walked in complete silence the more frightened I became. On a good day my father was controlling and crass and treated me as if I were still a little girl...but on the worst...I shivered, unwilling to even entertain the thought as the wine on his breath wafted behind him. I knew what he was going to do before he even slammed the door to his room closed and latched the deadbolt. “Rinoa Heartilly you are a naughty little girl. Do you understand why I lock you in the house? It’s Daddy’s job to keep you safe, darling. Just as I kept your mother safe.” 

I scoffed. “You got my mother  _ killed _ ! She’d still be here if it weren’t for your paranoia and delusions of--” My father’s hand connected with the side of my face so hard that I saw white and the swelling that took place instantly rocked me to my center as it pulsed inside my cheek. He’d never struck me before. Never. I stood perfectly still, cradling myself as he inched closer to me and snaked his arms around my waist. 

“Why did you make me do that? My only precious memory of Julia should never know harm. Let your father love it better, come here darling. I'm sorry you have rebellious streak; you get it from me. We’re just alike.” He pressed a small kiss to the corner of my mouth at first and my body shook with a tight sob as I struggled to find my voice.  _ N-No. _ _..not _ _ tonight. Please don’t. You promised you’d never do it again.  _ I was very lucky to have never experienced what my daughter experienced, but there were nights such as that where I had come terribly close.

The wet kiss traveled to my lips and my father jammed his tongue inside my mouth has he let out a throaty gurgle of a moan. It flipped my stomach inside out. “Rin...” His rough hands tugged at the tie on the front of my duster and he rolled my breasts around like he was kneading raw dough. 

“P-Please stop.” For a moment I thought he was actually considering my plea, but I realized that his body had frozen at the heavy sound of footsteps barreling toward the door. I could hear what sounded like Felicia and Zone just outside and a heavy boot made contact with the thin mahogany hotel room door. General Caraway swore under his breath and I look his momentary distraction as my shot. My knee made contact with nuts and he howled as I attempted to push him off me. “Somebody h-help me!” 

I was still sobbing and he jerked on my ankles, grappling me as I fell face first onto the cold dirty floor. “Get off her you sick fuck!” I had never in my life expected a perfect stranger to give a shit about what happened to me, but Felicia cared. Felicia had always cared. She ripped the stark white lamp from the small table by the entrance and bashed it over the top of my dad’s head as hard as she physically could. Pure terror radiated down my legs, but he wasn’t moving, and for the moment it seemed as if we might be safe to make a break for it. 

“I. ..I h-have to go home...I u-um...where can I take the next train to Deling City?” I stammered. I knew if I wasn’t home and behaving myself by the time my father woke, there was no way he wouldn’t hunt this kind woman down. He would have done to her what he’d wanted to do to me before dumping her off at the political prison, and I wasn’t about to let that happen. “Please don’t follow me.” 

Felicia looked like she wanted to argue but the look in my eyes was severe and the emotions that passed silently between us were heavy. I could see on her face that she knew why I couldn’t stay and she and Zone shared a weary glance as I bolted for the door. “Rinoa, wait!” Zone pulled anxiously at his dark blue pullover and a  wine-colored blush tinted his features as he doubled over with what appeared to be stomach trouble for the second time that day. “Should you ever find yourself in trouble...um...”

He lost his nerve and Felicia rolled her eyes. She took one of her soft hands in my own and gave me a gentle squeeze. She would never know how much it meant to me. “The forests of Timber sure have changed. Don’t you trust anyone who doesn’t know the password. You’re...you’re one of us now, alright? Should you ever find yourself in trouble, you say it. The forests of Timber sure have changed.” 

I didn’t understand and I started to shake my head when Zone offered me a wide, gentle smile. “...but the  Owl’s are still around.”

Felicia pressed a small concerned kiss to the side of my face and glanced down at my unconscious father with a firm scowl. “As long as the  Owl’s are around you will always be safe. That’s a promise.”


	58. Chapter 58

The memory felt cold as it folded in my stomach, and as I sat there, staring into the small beady black eyes of a man who would see his baby sister continually abused by their own flesh and blood, something deep inside snapped. The Rinoa who had spent most of her life leading a nation, who had grown into both motherhood and diplomacy as she learned how to be an adult, was absent from my body for a moment. I was sixteen again, if only for a moment, and I reached for Felicia’s hand. “The forests of Timber sure have changed.”

I never dropped the harsh eye contact that engaged me with Luso, but I could feel her gaze on me. It was the only phrase I could force from my lungs, and I knew she could feel my meaning. I wasn’t sitting there as Timber’s president. That was secondary to the emotions that vibrated my body. I was there as a Forest Owl, and Owl’s didn’t let friend’s get abused. They didn’t allow _anyone_ to be abused. Felicia’s grip on my hand tightened and I could feel her muscles go taut at my side. “…but the Owl’s are still around.”

Luso blinked with a lazy anger that grated on my nerves and he leaned back on his legs with an arrogant hum. “I apologize, Madam Leonhart, I didn’t realize your brain was leaking today. Are you sure your husband is unavailable?” Felicia’s lips curled back into a sneer before I could even react and her hand that wasn’t coiled around my own found its way to the hilt of her gunblade.

“Let’s get something straight, Elder. First Gentleman Leonhart does _not_ own his wife. All the peoples of Timber are free, including your sister. She’s been granted citizenship, and as long as she doesn’t want to go back with you, she doesn’t have to. No one is keeping her prisoner.”

A low growl erupted from my body and I could feel my hand perspiring within Felicia’s own. “But while we’re on the subject, _your_ people _are_ holding one of our own captive. I am not asking. I am demanding the return of Sir Ambrose Morales to his family. One of our cadets was nearly beaten to death in your village. If Sir Morales has lost his life, there will be hell, am I understood?” I surprised myself. I sounded like Squall, and for a moment I wanted to laugh. I supposed I’d been married to him too long. Squall had saved my life. He had loved me, truly loved me, the way no one else ever had. It was fitting that our personalities had long since started to wear off on one another. We were a unit.

Luso appeared completely unbothered by my outburst and a smug smile twitched at the corner of his long thin mouth. “I should like to think Timber would approach the situation a little more delicately. The ball is in our court, President Leonhart. We have your emissary and we house the man you want so desperately to punish. I would watch how you speak to me.”

“I know you didn’t just attempt to leverage my daughter’s assault. Because if you had done so, your head would be missing from its body.” I warned. The laugh that floated from his small body ignited a hatred that I tried with all my might to swallow. Julia Raine was my little girl. She would always be my little girl; she had made me a mother. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for her, and murder was included in that infinite list. “I am serving Shumi Village with sanctions. You have all committed crimes and acts of violence against Timber and her people, and I will not allow it go any further. Ambrose Morales will be returned to us. We will no longer be trading with your village, and you will deliver Soichiro Yoshioka into our custody. If these terms are not agreed upon you will be declaring war on not only Timber, but the nations of Galbadia and Dollet.”

“Is that all?” Luso asked tightly. A nasty sneer twisted his off-white face and he leaned toward me in an attempt at being intimidating. I laughed without a trace of humor. There wasn’t much that frightened me anymore. Felicia answered before I had the chance to compose myself and she flashed her teeth at him and snarled.

“Not by a mile. Timber’s declaration of war will remain in tact until the Shumi cease their inhumane treatment of the women that reside within in the village. All women will be treated as equals, every one of them, or you can consider yourself our enemy permanently.” Every bit of what Felicia said was true, I had drawn the paperwork myself, but Luso laughed as if she were a silly little girl playing make believe.

The Shumi looked perturbed for all of three seconds before that same mischief from before twinkled in the blackness of his eyes. He wasn’t taking us seriously, and he wasn’t going to. We didn’t have the right equipment between our legs. “You think the Shumi are afraid of Galbadia and Dollet? You have no idea what is coming.” He fished around in his pocket for a moment before sliding his sleeves back in a vulgar display of his hands.

Something thin and grey was perched within his long fingers and he extended his palms toward me in invitation for me to take it. I brought the hunk of plastic to my face with trembling hands and vomit scorched my esophagus as I realized what I was holding. Two little pink lines were still visible, and I rolled it over to take a peek at the back. In Julia’s handwriting, the date March 8th, 2023 was scrawled in sharpie. This was Julia’s missing pregnancy test. “Where did you get this?”

I was met with silence and I clutched the stick tightly as the long vibrant white wings of my Limit Break pushed against the skin of my back. I could feel it coming on, and I gave him one final opportunity to answer me. “Where the hell did you get this?!” Luso rose slowly and chuckled to himself as he tucked his lands back into the violet robes that swallowed his skinny frame. He looked so proud of himself that I wanted nothing more than to Holy him into the dingy carpet.

“You’ll be hearing from the little girl’s father. He’s so very excited to raise his child. He asked me to tell Julia to be a good incubator and stay off her knees. I’ll be going now. This meeting is going nowhere. War appears to be the only language you godless witches understand.”

The sentence barely registered in my mind. There was nothing left of me but pure unadulterated rage. Soichiro was _not_ Trinity’s father. He would never be within spitting distance of that little girl, even if I had to die protecting her. Tatsuki Mamoru was marrying my daughter, and he was going to be the only father my grandchild ever knew. I would make sure of it. My wings erupted from either side of my spine and wisps of white and green magic pooled beneath my feet as I unleashed the first spell that Angel Wing sucked from my body. _Meteor!_ Dark black magic tore at the atmosphere but Felicia seemed to act as a Knight in my husbands’ stead.

Squall wasn’t there to keep me from losing control, and I might have killed Luso had it not been for the quick combination of Dispel and Protect that flew from Felicia’s hands. Felicia was a Sorceress herself, she didn’t need a LOTUS to protect the sick bastard, and I hoped he felt lucky. She hadn’t done it for him, she’d done it for me. If I had taken the Elder’s life it would have severely hindered any and all attempts at peace, and I shamefully stumbled backward as Felicia pinned the Shumi roughly against the wall furthest from myself. The Shear Trigger slipped into the long sleeve of his robe as if it were butter and he struggled to free himself without ripping the fabric. “If my son wants to leave messages, you can bring him one from me.”

Luso squeaked and writhed with fear under the pressure of our Vice President’s grip. He wasn’t so cocky as the sheer brute force of my best friend’s arms threated to crush the fragile bones in his neck. She leaned her forearm across his throat with all her weight and he begged her for his life like the coward he was. “Raijin and I will always love him, but he is no longer our son. He is not welcomed back home, he is not welcomed around his sisters, and most importantly…” Felicia struggled not to cry, looking back at me for a split second before tearing her gunblade back out of the wall. “He will stay the fuck away from my granddaughter.”

Luso sputtered and gasped violently for air as she backed away from him and my throat felt like it was going to close. I hadn’t even thought about it like that. Felicia and Raijin were Trinity’s grandparents too. I had been so caught up in everything that was happening with my own family that I hadn’t taken a moment to consider their feelings or their role in any of this. _We should…we should be including them._ I thought somberly. My body was still spasming with the magic rippling from my Limit Break and I held still as a statue in an attempt at holding it inside. “C-Call Squall, please.”

There was a reason Sorceresses were appointed Knights, and I needed mine more than perhaps any other. I was too powerful for my own good; my husband and I both knew that. It was excruciating to hold the magic bunched just below the surface of my skin, and Fee knew that all too well. Raijin was a bit of a meathead, but I had seen him in action, and he was an incredible Knight. He’d saved her from situations like this more times than I could count. She immediately bolted for the comm system and Luso scurried toward the door like a frightened animal. “You’ll be hearing from us. You’ll be hearing from _him._ Just you wait!”

I had no energy left to argue with the tiny man who fled from the building as I continued to stare at the pregnancy test. Julia had been so sad find that it was missing. She’d taken several, but she kept one to put in the baby book she was starting for Trinity. I knew, when Soichiro carved that plus sign into Misty’s skin, that he had had someone break into our house to take it. He knew she was pregnant, and he knew it was his. I was still desperate to get to the bottom of how that had even happened, and Squall and I had been careful not to tell Julia. She knew he had beaten Zell’s daughter, but she didn’t know about the carving. The last thing she needed was to worry herself to death over the safety of her baby. Squall and I would handle everything.

By the time my husband arrived I was writhing in pain in a heap on the floor and he knelt to tenderly caress and massage the wings that still fluttered frantically from my back. “Shhh. You’re okay Rinoa. You showed so much restraint, I’m so proud of you babe.” I whimpered and rolled into his embrace as he worked his fingers into the pressure points on my shoulders. It was a technique I had seen the Lone Knights use many times at our Sorceress sanctuary. It was one of the gentler ways to cut the magic off, without causing any injury. My muscles seized for a moment but the burning in my veins was lessening. “There you go. Breathe, Noa.”

“S-Squall, I’m so s-sorry. I—”

My husband shushed me again and pulled his leather jacket around my shoulders as he pressed a loving kiss to the center of my forehead. “Don’t. I should never have let you come here alone, this is on me. It’s my job to keep you safe. Get some rest, angel. I’ll carry you home.”


	59. Chapter 59

*Julia’s POV*

My father was supposed to stay by my side, per mother’s instructions, the day that the sanctions rolled out on Shumi Village. I was fine, however, and assured him that it was more than okay to spend the afternoon with my brother, who had been craving positive attention from our father since the incident with Nettie. Fortunately, Dad had taken my advice that he should spend the day with Noctis to heart, and that left Tatsuki and I alone. I was over the moon. We had finally had our “space” moment. All my life I had romanticized my parent’s love story. When I was a little girl, I would beg Daddy to tell me all about how he leapt into space to save my mother, knowing that the chances of them both making it home alive were slim. Even then, my father didn’t know how to be without my mother, and he refused.

I had waited for some grand gesture to convince me Tatsuki was the one for so long when we were teenagers. It was stupid and vain and naive, I knew that. Even still, I was so happy that it had happened. Tatsuki was stepping up to raise a child that wasn’t his and doing so with a love in his heart that melted my entire body. And for reasons I didn’t understand, this perfect man wanted me to be his wife. I was selfish and spoiled and broken and used…and he wanted me anyway. We were laying in my bed and Mercy was nestled between us, asleep with the nipple of a bottle between her beak. She was finally growing at a normal rate, and she was about the size of a loaf of bread.

I had a sappy smile on my face, and I was petting her downy pink feathers as I gazed at the rose gold engagement ring that glittered on my left hand. I was so in love with it. “Are you sure this is okay? I need to thank your mother. It’s so beautiful.”

Tatsuki was trying and failing to hide it, but he was grinning so hard I thought his lips might fall off the side of his face. “It’s more than okay. She still has her wedding band to remember my father by. She really wanted you to have that, Jules. She wants you to feel like you’re part of our family, because you will be.”

I couldn’t sit still; I was happier than I ever had been. I had spent so many months tortured and depressed. I was drunk on the love Tatsuki was pouring into my body. The longer I was with him the less my heart hurt. He was my guardian angel. “You’re my baby’s daddy…and you’re going to be my husband.” I mused in quiet disbelief. He chuckled and snaked an arm around the Chicobo to pull me closer to his body.

“I can’t believe it either. It’s happening fast, after waiting all those years. My…my life finally means something.” He whispered.

I shook my head no and forced him to look at me as I inched closer to the inviting curve of his lips. “No. You’ve always meant the world.” I scooped Mercy into my arms and shifted her to the other side of the bed so I could roll over on top of my fiancée and I straddled his waist as his lips connected with my own. Trinity was nested safely between us and he petted her gently as his tongue rolled against my own. “I love you so much.” I whispered into his mouth before pulling away slightly. “I want to…I want try something.”

The pregnancy hormones had been making me a little uncomfortable. Just being beside Tatsuki some days was too much, and I rocked a little as I sat pressed firmly to his lap. There was mild terror lingering in the back of my throat and I felt conflicted about the heat that was pooling between my legs. I had been fantasizing about Tatsuki for a long time, and I knew he would never hurt me, but remembering the pain of having Soichiro inside of me was almost unbearable. I choked the fear down as best I could and shyly trailed my fingernails up and down his thighs. “Julia…I don’t need to. I don’t ever need to, I am in love with you. That is more than enough. We don’t have to do anything that will make you uncomfortable.”

Heat rushed to my cheeks and I shook my head. No. Soichiro didn’t get to take this from me. I wanted to try it. I couldn’t live with the idea that the only time I’d ever be connected with someone that intimately was the single worst moment of my life. I needed it to be erased, I needed to be as close to Tatsuki as was physically possible. “I want to. I mean…if _you_ don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine. Always. I just don’t want you to think you’re forcing me when I’m asking.”

Tatsuki seemed unsure for a moment but I could tell that he was enjoying the closeness already. His eyes were lidded and affectionate and he leaned forward to press a soft kiss to my cheek. “You’re sure you’re okay? Please tell me the moment I make you uncomfortable. I will stop the whole process if you can’t handle it, I will never ever hurt you.” He swore.

My eyes filled with tears and I swallowed hard as I rest my forehead against his own. “I know that, T. That’s why I want to. I know I’m safe. I want you to be my first time. My first _real_ time.” I knew Tatsuki had never done anything with anyone either, and the smile that lit his face was nervous. He recaptured my lips nice and slow, trailing his hands down my body as he reached for the hem of my shirt. He tugged the old pink t-shirt off over my head and I giggled as it got a little stuck over my face. “Tatsuki…!” I whined playfully, earning the happiest laugh I’d heard from him in a long while. It was everything to me.

“I’m sorry, baby.” He cooed, tugging the fabric off of me and smoothing my staticky hair back down with the palm of his hand. My tiny baby bump was exposed and the first thing he did was press the most slobbery kiss right to the center as I made quick work of my bra. “Sweet angel looks cold.” He rubbed the blankets along my tummy and his eyes were so innocent as they moved from the swell of my middle to the slight sag of my growing breasts. They were a little swollen, and I vehemently wished he could have seen them when they were perky and normal. He didn’t seem to mind, and he pawed at the left one as electricity shot down my body.

I ground my hips into him on instinct and I’d never felt anything like it in my life. He groaned and that seemed to alert Luca, who perked up from the foot of the bed to stare in our direction. The Dalmatian was blind in both eyes, but she sniffed the air around us and growled a little. She was a very protective dog, my father had trained her to be, and it made her nervous now that she had lost her vision. Sounds that could be mistaken for pain sent her into a frenzy sometimes. “It’s okay girl. Tatsuki is okay.”

Luca settled a little at the sound of my voice, but her snarling had woken Mercy who flapped her wings excitedly as she kwehed up at me. She perched on top of Trinity, nuzzling her soft head under my chin and making herself comfortable. _Way to be a mood killer_ , I thought. Tatsuki chuckled and scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. “Maybe we should…take it to the couch? We kind of have an audience now.”

I wasn’t so sure. Daddy and Noctis would be at the farm all day and Momma was with Aunt Felicia in a very important meeting. Uncle Zell had picked Rosie up that morning to take her to Garden, because Tatsuki and I both decided to lay out. Dad didn’t mind. He had wanted us to recuperate a little after the funeral, and we took full advantage of that. Even still, I was a little nervous that someone might see if we took it downstairs. I would’ve voiced so, had the throbbing in my loins not been so loud and I nodded with a breathless laugh as I scooched Mercy out of the way again and latched my mouth onto the crook of his neck.

Tatsuki hoisted me into his arms as he stood and carried me bridal style down the stairs after shutting my bedroom door on both needy animals. His hands were trembling, and it soothed me more than he knew to know that he was looking forward to this. Maybe he had been dreaming of it all his life, the same way I had. I’d pictured Tatsuki this way for years, and I never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d actually get to see it. He laid me gently down on the part of the couch that wasn’t completely annihilated and rolled my shorts down as a small frown fluttered at the edges of his mouth. “Is this…is this okay?”

“Shhh.” I pressed a finger to his lips and shimmied the rest of the way out of the fabric confines as I draped my legs up and over his shoulders. I was practically panting already, and I didn’t want to think about whether or not it was okay. All I wanted was to be loved on. “Please?” Tatsuki pressed kisses along my thighs and he rubbed gently at my crotch through my underwear. I could tell he was afraid to apply any pressure there and I leaned my head back to moan, hoping it might encourage him a little. His kisses became a little more desperate and I prayed that meant it was working. It felt nice. I hoped he’d find that position okay, I was a little insecure about it, but I’d been planning this moment in my head for so long. It would start with him loving between my legs, and then he’d trail his mouth up to my—my thoughts trailed off as I realized that he suddenly wasn’t touching me anymore, and I opened my eyes to peek at him.

“What’s wrong?” I looked down and followed his gaze between my legs. He’d slid my panties off to the side and my vulva was exposed. The scarring of Soichiro’s initials carved into my skin was of course still there. I imagined it always would be. A chunk of my labia was missing, and the opening of my vagina was a little thin and jagged from where he had nicked me with the kitchen knife. Fear bubbled in my gut and I clamped my legs closed tightly as thick tears rolled down his face.

“J-Julia…I can’t…I can’t do this.” I immediately regretted allowing myself to be this vulnerable, even with Tatsuki. Especially with Tatsuki. I loved him more than anything in the world. I didn’t need him to think I was disgusting, there was no way I could mentally handle that. My lips quivered and I pushed him off me as I reached for my discarded shorts. “Baby, p-please—”

I hadn’t even thought about the scarring, I didn’t think it would be an issue. Tatsuki was going to be my husband, that wasn’t supposed to matter. “How are you s-supposed to love my daughter if you can’t even stand to look at where she came f-from?” I had never felt so ugly in my life, but somehow Tatsuki was crying harder than I was. He buried his face in his hands and curled up in a pile of the couch stuffing that was still oozing from our furniture.

“P-Please don’t be angry…I just….he hurt you so bad. I didn’t know it was…I c-can’t, I can’t, I won’t hurt y-you.”


	60. Chapter 60

Guilt ate at the lining of my stomach and I dropped my gaze to the floor as I picked anxiously at my fingernails. I shouldn’t have snapped at him. My feelings were hurt, but Tatsuki was so sensitive, and I should known better than to think he was disgusted with the way I looked. Even still, I couldn’t shake the self-loathing and insecurity from my mind. I hated myself. I hated that I was branded and imperfect when I had once been so beautiful. Soichiro ruined everything. Tatsuki couldn’t look at me, but I approached him slowly anyway. If he didn’t stop crying he was going to make himself sick. “T…look at me, please. I’m…I’m sorry. I just…it feels like I’m a monster down there.”

Tatsuki was trembling so hard I thought he was having a seizure for a moment and I knelt to gently coil my arms around him. “You’re not supposed to be comforting me.” His voice was barely a whisper and he sniffled as he struggled to find his words. “That awful man took something so precious from you, and you’re apologizing to  _ me. _ ”

“Y-yeah…cuz it’s ugly…you’re gonna marry someone who you’ll never w-want to touch.” My voice rose three octaves as mild hysteria choked me and I draped my arms over my little belly in an attempt at consoling myself. Trinity moved a little and it was the only thing keeping me from losing my mind.

When Tatsuki finally gathered the strength to look it me it shattered my entire heart. His dark brown eyes were brimming with despair and he reached to very gently press a kiss to the scarring on my vulva. “You are so beautiful. I never meant to imply otherwise. I would very much like to make love to you…but I think…I’m going to need some time. It isn’t how it looks, my love, please believe me when I say that. It’s the cruelty. If I had known he had hurt you have this bad, I swear on my life I’d have hunted him down and skinned him alive by now.” Tatsuki’s voice tremored with an anger that I’d never heard there before, and I shook my head at him. Not my Tatsuki. He was so soft and so kind.

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to. I just want you to be with me, right here, for the rest of my life. I want to forget it ever happened.” I stroked his jet-black hair and pulled his head against the swell of my belly. He was still crying, and I shushed him as I swayed back and forth for a moment. Tatsuki’s only fault was loving me too much. I hated that I brought him pain.

“I’ll do anything to help you forget.” He swore with a small sniffle. “Anything. I can’t stand that he’s forced you to see his name every day since then.” I smiled as I continued to rock him. That wasn’t exactly true. I was very fortunate to be carrying my little girl. I wasn’t heavily pregnant yet, but pregnant enough that my little girl protruded far enough over my pelvis that I couldn’t really see down there unless I tried.

I pressed a kiss into his hair and breathed in deeply. He always smelled so clean, like rain, and I held him tighter as his sobs finally seemed to putter out. “You help me every day. Just by being you and loving me and loving our daughter.” I could literally feel his mood shift with the atmosphere as I mentioned Trinity and it touched me deeply. This man was going to be excellent to my baby. I just knew it. Yevon had blessed us both. “Maybe I’ll get it covered up. Then neither of us have to look at it anymore.”

I could feel Tatsuki frown against my body. “No. You don’t have to change an inch of yourself. I want to be with you just as you are.”

“It would be just as much for me as it would be for you.” I countered. “We could pick something pretty out together. Something that will look nice when I have to push this baby out in front of somebody.” I was trying to lighten the mood and Tatsuki actually snorted. I dried his eyes with the back of my hands and leaned forward to rub my nose against his own. I didn’t want the love of my life to feel sadness. His heart deserved to be unburdened. Tatsuki stood up and shimmied up my body, grasping the sides of my face as he brought my lips down rough against his own.

I squeaked, pleasantly surprised as I melted into the kiss. All of our sadness was washed away, and I explored his mouth as if it were uncharted territory. The burgundy rug beneath our feet was squishy beneath our toes and I shuffled my feet between the fabric as a cold chill washed over me suddenly. “I told you you looked cold. Here.” Tatsuki pulled away from me slightly and I whined at the loss of contact. He tugged his navy-blue sweatshirt off over his head and pulled it down gently over my own. I shoved my arms into the right holes and looked down, snickering to myself at how it swallowed me completely. It came down to my knees, Tatsuki was almost a foot taller than me.

Tatsuki seemed to like the way I looked in his clothes and I could see him bulging against his sweatpants. I smirked and leaned toward him playfully as I cupped my hand along the hard lump that was begging to be played with. “You got yourself all bothered.” I teased, enjoying the deep purple tint his skin took as heat rushed to his cheeks. “I know you want to wait…and we will, that’s fine. But at least let me help you here, I can’t leave you like that.”

I was surprised when he very gently took my hand in his own and moved it from his crotch to rest overtop his heart. “No. You don’t owe that to me, that’s not how this works. I can stand to be a little uncomfortable Julia, you’re not going to give to me what I can’t give back.” I could feel his breathing, harsh and excited beneath my touch, and I shook my head in utter disbelief. They didn’t make men like him every day. He was standing there with his fiancée completely naked under his hoodie, offering him pleasure, and he was being entirely unselfish about it.

“What do I do with you, Tatsuki?” That was a legitimate question. He was perfect in all the ways I didn’t deserve, and I had no idea how to pay that forward. He wrapped his arms around my waist and smiled now that he had calmed down a little. It seemed as if he were lost in thought for a moment before he nodded his head toward the large window that looked out at our front yard. Daddy’s car was gone from the driveway, but most people in Aria North walked where they needed to go. We were big on having animals in the capital and dog walking to and from a person’s destination was the most common way our residents got around.

“Well, I was thinking we might go shopping, but your father took the car today since he was going so far out of town. I’m not sure I want you walking to the mall.” A streak of excitement rippled through me and I had to roll my eyes at him. I was three months pregnant, he acted like I was about to pop. I hadn’t been to the mall since before the mission in Dollet, and after the somewhat traumatic events of the morning I thought a little retail therapy sounded like it might do us some good.

_ Come to think of it, it’s kind of a necessity. _ I thought to myself as I pulled away from Tatsuki to grab Luca’s leash from the hooks near the door. I hadn’t purchased any maternity clothes or baby clothes or bottles or diapers. I was unprepared to have a baby. Plenty of women gave birth prematurely, I had seen it happen more than once. I couldn’t assume I was going to be given a full six month stretch to get my ducks in a row. “Go let Luca out from my bedroom then, if we’re going.”

Tatsuki raised a dark eyebrow and shook his head at me as a love-stricken grin broke across his face. “You’re not going to put clothes on first, my love?” I blushed. He had a fair point. His sweatshirt was so warm and comfortable that I had honestly forgotten I was bare underneath. He sauntered toward me, placing his hands on either side of my hips. “Let’s get you dressed and then we’ll walk down to the train station. We’ll make a stop so I can feed my wifey and my little one, and then we’ll re-board and head straight to the mall.”

I knew better than to try and argue with him. Tatsuki was much like my father in that respect. Once he decided he was protecting me there was no changing his mind. I guessed walking to the mall was out of the question. It  _ was  _ a little far on foot, I would give him that. The mall wasn’t in the center of town, it was about halfway between central Aria North and Uncle Seifer’s farm. I smirked. “The baby wants nachos. Can we have nachos?”

Tatsuki laughed and I was so happy to see the pure rage and misery that had crumpled his perfect features evaporate into nothing. He didn’t have it in him to stay down for long. It was one of the millions of things I adored about him. “My daughter will have everything her heart desires, and her Mommy, too.” His happy-go-lucky expression waivered for a split second and I gnawed anxiously on my bottom lip.

“I really upset you, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so insecure—”

“What? No. I should have handled that better, that was on me.” Tatsuki said quickly, taking my hand and bringing my engagement ring to his mouth to kiss. It sparked brightly beneath the soft lights of our living room and my heart quickened in my chest. “It’s just that…I guess I just want to make sure I’m not rushing you into anything. Are you sure you’re ready to spend the rest of your life with me? Because Julia I…I’m telling you right now that I would die for you this very moment. I am very, very sure this is where I want to be, but I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

_ Oh, Tatsuki.  _ I guessed I wasn’t the only one feeling insecure, and the thought was almost comforting. “We’ve talked about this. You’re not him. I’m here because I want to be here. I’m marrying you because I get to choose who I spend the rest of my life with, and it has always been you. I wasn’t being fair to him, Tatsuki. I was with him but you were who I wanted, and he punished me for that. I deserved it.” I admitted. 

“I don’t care how badly you wished he was me, you  _ never  _ deserved what he did to you. It kills me...knowing you loved me right under my nose. I could have protected you if we’d only--” He was getting worked up and he took a deep breath to steady his emotions. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. Your father passed his Knighthood over to me. I will spend the rest of my life keeping you safe. I promise.”

That was news to me and my mouth fell agape as I tried and failed to process what he had just said. Daddy took being my Knight very seriously, it was a title that was sacred to him. He was proud to protect me and my mother and my sister. I knew that a transfer of that responsibility was a huge deal to him and he would have died before he entrusted my safety to someone he didn’t trust immensely. Dad hadn’t even  thought Papa to be a suitable Knight. “Do you have any idea what that means?” I asked slowly, eyes brimming with happy tears as I threaded my fingers through his own. “Daddy loves you. You’re a permanent part of our family now. It’s...it’s going to be you and me, Tatsuki. Forever.” 

Tatsuki’s face broke out in a relieved and elated smile. “That’s all I want. I want the three of us to be a family.”

I reached up on my tip toes and planted a firm kiss to the tip of his nose as I moved his hands to settle on my belly. “We already are, Tatsuki. We’re all yours. I mean that.” 


	61. Chapter 61

By the time I was sixteen weeks pregnant I was working pretty steadily back at the Garden again. Of course, field work was off the table well into my fourth month of pregnancy, so desk work in the library was my day-to-day. I didn’t mind. My father had given me a pet project to be working on under the table, and I knew it was because he was aware of my need to feel important, like I was carrying my own weight. More than that though, he wouldn’t have trusted an assignment like this outside of our immediate family. Timber Garden was a mercenary academy welcoming of any child willing to put forth an effort, but it was privately owned, and my father was interested in keeping it that way.

My belly was getting big, and there was no hiding my child as she continuously popped the buttons off my uniform jacket. I could hear the whispers from the junior classmen and even some among my fellow SeeD’s, but I ignored it as best I could. No one dared breathe a word about me when my father or Tatsuki were around, and I knew the news of my engagement to the Commander had spread like a wildfire.

I was pulling a late shift one Tuesday afternoon, listening to the rain beat steadily against the library windows. I was supposed to be home by five, but it was pushing six o’clock as I stretched back in my chair and let out a small yawn. Dad had given me permission to stay a little later that day because I had been out the day prior for a doctor’s appointment and I wanted to catch up as much as I could. My father had entrusted me with investigating the case of my grandparent’s double homicide. Our family didn’t trust the police as far as we could throw them, and we were considering this Timber Garden’s jurisdiction.

There was a lot about their murder that didn’t sit right with me, and I was pouring over the files we had on the alleged killer. His name was Ashlen Cellar, a forty-five-year-old Galbadian with an almost squeaky-clean criminal record, save for one involving his departure from working in transportation at the Timber Central Train Station. He was terminated for selling lost luggage to the homeless shelter under the bridge near Aphrora. That didn’t sound like the type to murder an elderly couple in cold blood. Then again, he’d also lined his pockets in my grandmother’s jewelry. I shoved the paperwork to the side angrily and rubbed at my bump. I needed to go home, the stress wasn’t worth causing Trinity any harm.

The doctor had told me the day prior that I was measuring big for being only sixteen weeks pregnant. Genetically speaking, Trinity was likely to be a large baby, due to her lineage on her paternal grandfather’s side, and the OBGYN I had been seeing at Timber Memorial was concerned that the child might grow too large for my slender frame. He suggested eating less, which both my parents vehemently disagreed with. We were not starving Trinity, no matter how large I got. This was my daughter, I was never going to willfully hurt her for my own benefit.

I had been growing weary of the hospital, but that was the final straw. I wasn’t going back to Timber Memorial. Not for checkups, not for ultrasounds, and certainly not to give birth. The hospital reminded me of what had happened—but that wasn’t the worst of it, not anymore. I was growing increasingly protective of the child nestled inside of me, and I was terrified of the idea that anyone in the hospital would have access to her when she was born. I wanted to be safe at home, where no one was going to hurt us, and I could keep my eyes on my daughter.

My throat was beginning to get tight and I shook the thoughts from my mind quickly as I opened my filing cabinet to put everything away for the night. I kept having to remind myself of what my mother said. Every pregnancy is different, and we knew for a fact that my due date wasn’t incorrect because I had never engaged in sexual activities before the incident. She had called and spoken with the old retired doctor from Balamb Garden, Dr. Kadowaki, and she suggested that Trinity might just have extra fluid in there, and that would explain the excess bloat. She said that was very common in women who were carrying large babies, even in the beginning. My body knew she was going to need the extra padding.

I was lost in those thoughts when there was a rustling from the other end of the library. I had been part of the Library Committee my entire career at Timber Garden, and it wasn’t often we had visitors when the school was actually open, let alone after hours when most cadets should have been in their Dorms for the night. I pulled my uniform jacket tight against my middle, as if that were going to shield her from anything, and drew the Lion Heart from its holster. I couldn’t tell if it was instinct or if I was paranoid after pouring over the details of gruesome murder, but the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end. “H-Hello?”

It was time to go home. I had reached a point in my investigation where I needed to interview Ashlen’s family, and that would obviously have to wait until morning, I would need clearance from my father. _You’re spooking yourself. No one is here. Let’s get home to Dad before we both have a hemorrhage._ I thought, lowering my weapon as the sound sputtered off. I let my guard down a moment too soon, and a figure popped out at me from the other side of the counter. I yelped, and if it hadn’t been for her grip on my arm the Lion Heart would have sliced her in half.

“Autumn!” I scolded, doubling over as the fear knocked my breath from my lungs. I pressed both hands to my chest and took a deep breath to steady the rapid beating of my heart. The other girl couldn’t contain her glee as the dark room filled with peels of sharp laughter.

“You should have seen your face!” She giggled with a loud snort. “I thought maybe you could use a hand. I read somewhere that if you scare a pregnant lady bad enough it’ll kickstart her labor.” I blinked at her incredulously for a moment. Since when did she care anything about me being pregnant? She had been avoiding me like I had the plague. Autumn was my child’s aunt, and she had made zero effort to even console me over the fact that her twin brother had put a child inside me without my consent.

“It’s not time for me to have the baby. Not anywhere close.” I snapped.

Autumn’s expression was smug, and she looked me up and down critically. “Could have fooled me. You’re a whale. What are you feeding her?” I wasn’t _that_ big. I was larger than most first time moms would have been at sixteen weeks, but I wasn’t enormous, and I didn’t appreciate the implication that there was something wrong with my baby. I had enough anxiety as it was without other people butting in with unwarranted opinions.

I pressed my lips into a thin line and fought the urge to snarl at her. So much for being best friends. “None of your goddamn business. She isn’t anything to you.” I grabbed for my bags and hoisted them onto my shoulder. I held my breath in an attempt at hiding the huffing and puffing I now did when I over exerted myself. The bags were heavy and my changing body wasn’t too fond of lifting anymore.

“Hey, wait! What are you talking about? I’m her auntie.”

I couldn’t hold my tongue. I had always accepted that Autumn was a little rude, it was part of her personality, and I knew that. My hormones were out of whack, however, and the child growing steadily within my womb did _not_ take kindly to her attitude. “No, you aren’t. Tatsuki is her father. His name will be on her birth certificate, not your brother’s, so you may as well get that out of your head right now.”

“I see how it is. You’re good enough to sleep with a Yoshioka, but you’re not good enough to give birth to one.” Autumn’s tone was scathing, and I whipped around to glare at her. Autumn had been there. She was there to witness the darkest moment of my life and she had mechanically cleaned up the evidence, as if protecting her twin mattered more to her in the moment than the fact that her best friend was bleeding out in the floor.

“If you think sex is what happened between your brother and I that night, then you can lose my number. We’re through.”

I stalked toward the exit and rounded the corner to head for the parking garage. Dad had known I was staying late, so he walked home and left the car for me. He and Tatsuki both seemed to be against the idea of me walking around too much, especially by myself. Autumn was hot on my heels and she jerked me backward with a velocity that almost made me lose my balance. “Don’t be a bitch, Julia, my god, you’ve gotten so _sensitive._ I didn’t come here to fight with you, I came here for support.”

Support for what? What could Autumn Yoshioka possibly need support for? Her life was perfect. She was gorgeous and popular and she had never worked for anything a day in her life. I had half a mind to keep walking, but her grip on me was desperate. We had been friends for so many years. The least I could do was hear what she had to say. I grimaced. “You have thirty seconds.”

“Someone…hurt me.” There was a strangeness to Autumn’s tone and my stomach tightened. I was angry with her, but I never would have wished her ill. She and Tatsuki had been my very best friends almost my entire life. There would always be a connection there. “Some hurt me badly. I don’t know how to…tell my father I’m pregnant.”

Pregnant? My head was spinning, and I stumbled away from her, spilling the contents of my bag all over the polished floor. Who had hurt her? How badly? Why hadn’t anyone been called? “A-Autumn I…my father knew what had happened to me, he knew it was a possibility. He wasn’t surprised to know I was pregnant, only hurt. Does your dad…does R-Raijin know anything has happened?! Why didn’t you tell me?” There were so many questions running through my mind and they all wanted to spill from me simultaneously. I wanted to help. I wanted to know who had dared put their hands on her. No wonder she had been in such an awful mood, she was keeping a huge secret.

Autumn’s expression was pinched, and she looked annoyed as she knelt to gather the things I had dropped. “Here, since you apparently don’t think I care about my own niece.” She gently refilled my bag and pushed the straps firmly onto my shoulder, adjusting it so it wouldn’t swing toward my belly. “I don’t expect you to understand why I didn’t make a show of it, like you did. If I had, Instructor Aki would have lost his job. I don’t need that on my conscience.”

Carl Aki had been a transfer instructor from Balamb Garden once my father had a few years of being Garden Master under his belt. Tetsuya Aki, his father, had been an instructor in Balamb’s Garden at the time and the administration was attempting to keep speculation of favoritism at a minimum. Tetsuya and his wife, Mary, had taken Uncle Seifer and Uncle Raijin under their wing for a long time after the initial defeat of Ultimecia; Tetsuya had been like a father to them. Autumn was named for him. The entire situation was sick.

Tetsuya and Mary Aki had been dead a long time now, Carl had never had any reason to return to Balamb, but I knew Raijin and Felicia considered him a family friend. I was going to be sick and I dodged for a waste basket that was planted near the Garden Directory. As the continent of my stomach emptied I felt my child roll over inside of me and fresh tears sprung to my eyes. What kind of world was I bringing her into?


	62. Chapter 62

Autumn had asked me to keep her business to myself, but I was struggling as we sat around the dining room table that evening. Momma had let Noctis help her in the kitchen, and they had made meatballs and some sort of three cheese pasta. There was enough garlic in the noodles to euthanize a baby vampire and I picked at it as Tatsuki reached to put a comforting hand on my knee. I knew he and Dad could both sense that something was wrong, and they were both watching me carefully as I rolled a meatball around my plate with disinterest.

Noctis and Garnet were babbling on about how wonderful it was that Zell and Quistis had basically given her the okay to move in with us. Well, maybe ‘had given her the okay’ wasn’t the right way to phrase it. Aunt Quistis had picked a fight with her about annulling her marriage to my brother one final time and Garnet had gotten so upset that she had packed her belongings and left. Uncle Zell was heartbroken, but he hadn’t gone after her. I had overheard him speaking with my father a few nights prior. It sounded like he had resigned himself to allowing her to make her own choices. We didn’t know how much longer she was going to live. We all wanted her to be happy.

Momma was engaged with their conversation, doting on them in that sweet way she did. She had been more than a little upset that they had married without telling her, but I could tell she loved seeing her little boy so happy and fulfilled. She had forgiven them much faster than Dad or Garnet’s parents. She glanced up to check on me and a small frown tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Julia Raine, you eat. You don’t get to not eat, you’re pregnant and I won’t allow it. That doctor was an idiot.”

I bitterly wished that was the reason I had lost my appetite. How did Autumn expect me not to seek justice for what had happened to her? I understood that it wasn’t my place to tell, I knew that, but the knowledge was eating me alive. How many other girls at Garden was Instructor Aki hurting? How could I sit on that information and continue to live with myself? I shoved my plate away from me and stood to go to my room but Tatsuki was up and at my side quicker than I could move. He exchanged glances with my father, and I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn’t like this whole ganging up on me business. Ever since my father had transferred his Knighthood over to Tatsuki it seemed like they were tag teaming to overprotect me. “Tatsuki…move.”

Tatsuki flinched a little and I tore from the room to stomp up the stairs. I didn’t like making him feel bad and I hated myself for barking at him as I slammed my bedroom door shut. I knew it was a matter of time before one of them followed me, but in the moment I didn’t care. Mercy was fluttering about the room and she nudged Luca excitedly with her beak to alert her to my presence. Luca didn’t budge, and I started to walk over there and check on her when Dad materialized behind me. There was stuffing strewn about the room and Dad waved his hands about angrily. “First of all, that damn bird is too big to stay in this house! Second of all, you don’t get to speak to Tatsuki like that, he is stepping in to raise a child that isn’t even his, he doesn’t have to do that.”

Daddy was…yelling at me. He never yelled at me, even when I was a child. That wasn’t how we operated. I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to handle it and I crumbled immediately. “Y-Yes she is…she is…” Trinity was his child. I couldn’t handle the implication otherwise. Soichiro would _never_ be her father. I brought my hands to my face as the tears came and I turned my back from my father quickly. For the first time in my life I wished he would just go away. He didn’t understand me anymore; I didn’t blame him for that. I barely understood myself. “I didn’t m-mean to snap at him.”

I heard my father sigh and I could practically picture him scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He hated it when he felt like he made me or my mother upset. “I know you didn’t. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now, and you’re pregnant, and you’ve experienced a lot of trauma. Julie, baby, I hear you. I see you. I know that everything is on fire and nothing is okay. But baby you can’t take it out on Tatsuki. He’s only ever been here to love you.”

Dad inched closer to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He gave me a small squeeze and pressed a tender kiss to the side of my face. “Daddy…if I tell you something, do you promise you won’t judge me, and you’ll show me how to do the right thing? Like always?” I would always need my father’s guidance. I was too controlled by my own emotions to be objective and I needed to know I was making the right decision about keeping Autumn’s secret.

“Something is weighing you down, Bean. Let Daddy fix it. Have I ever stirred you in the wrong direction?” I shook my head no and turned around in his arms to look at him. He offered me and gentle smile and I pressed my forehead against his own. “There’s my little girl.” Dad whispered.

I loved him so much. I already felt a little lighter, just being in his arms. “Autumn told me not to tell anyone, and I want to respect her wishes…but I’m also scared of what it means to do so. Dad…she…she told me that Instructor Aki hurt her.”

My father’s eyebrows furrowed, like he had to think hard to even remember who that was. We had a large payroll at Garden, and there were so many teachers and students alike that my father couldn’t always put names to faces. “You mean my old Instructor Aki’s boy? The one whose been working in the nursery?” I nodded.

“She’s…she says she’s having his baby.” I watched the color drain from my father’s face and he gingerly placed his hands against the swell of my belly. He was connecting the dots. There was no way it could have been a coincidence that my best friend would have the same thing happen to her a mere four months later.

“Juli-B…I am her headmaster. I legally cannot sit on the information you just gave me, do you understand? He has to be working with S…with that shit stain. He’s in contact with little girls every single day.” Dad’s voice was trembling, and he still couldn’t bring himself to speak Soichiro’s name. Somehow, I knew we would be of one mind on the issue. He was right, there was no way it wasn’t connected. I was doubting Ashlen Cellar’s involvement in Papa’s murder, but Carl Aki would have had more motive. He in the very least was connected directly to Soichiro’s life in a way that Ashlen wasn’t.

“Do you…do you really have to report it? I’m such a bad friend.” The guilt was threatening to tear a hole in my stomach and Daddy took my face in his hands. There was so much love etched into his face and I couldn’t help but smile at him as the tears continued to barrel down my cheeks.

“It doesn’t make you a bad friend to ask your father for advice. You love Autumn, you wanted to make sure you were doing what was best for her. Julia her father needs to know. How long does she expect to hide the pregnancy?” Dad had a point there, but it wasn’t something she and I had discussed,

I shrugged. “I’m not sure that she’s even keeping it. Why would she? Autumn has never struck me as someone who wanted to be a mother.” Autumn was one of the least maternal women I had ever met. It wasn’t to say she was cold, necessarily, but she was a narcissist if I had ever met one, and they typically didn’t make for good parents. My father didn’t seem so sure either and he sighed.

“I don’t know, baby. I just know we can’t keep someone onboard at Garden with those kind of allegations against them. Not after what happened to you. I will not allow you or any other girl in my care to ever be harmed like that again.” Dad was quiet for a long moment before he brushed my bangs from my eyes and sighed. “To answer your question, though, no. Under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be right to disclose that information to anyone. Autumn should have gotten to make that choice herself, do you understand? How would you have felt if you hadn’t wanted anyone to know what happened with Soichiro?”

There was no helping everyone knowing my situation. An ambulance was called. It was a good thing too, I would have either bled to death or succumb to my asthma otherwise. What if I had been given the opportunity to keep it to myself? Would I have reported it? I wasn’t sure, but I knew he was right. I had effectively stolen all choice from her again, on accident. “So I _did_ do something wrong.”

“You didn’t know I would have to tell anybody. And for what it’s worth, I am glad you told me. Like I said, I’d like to prevent this from happening to anyone else. But from now on…maybe questions like this are better left for Mom? She’s got no real affiliation to Garden, besides being my wife. She’s a very good secret keeper.” Dad said, rubbing his nose against lovingly against mine. I loved it when he did that. He had grown into such an affectionate old man over the years.

I wondered just how many of Dad’s secrets she was keeping. My father was a very private man, and the only person alive that truly knew everything there was to know about him, was my mother. There were things that existed between them that they would take to their graves, I knew that, but it didn’t bother me. I admired their love more than anything in the world. It was the strongest force I had ever come to know. “Do you think…do you think I’m mean, Daddy?”

My father shook his head so hard I thought his neck was going to snap. “Julie, stop that. You don’t have a mean bone in your body. Just be gentle with Tatsuki, was all I was saying. You’ve got a very devoted young man waiting for you downstairs. I am incredibly proud of both of you.”

“I love you.” I sniffled, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

“I know you do, Bean. I love you too.” My father gave me one final squeeze before hollering down the stairs for Tatsuki. I knew he wanted me to apologize to him, and I wanted to. I didn’t ever want to push him away. I wouldn’t have survived it. Tatsuki barreled up the stairs like he was ready for battle and his dark brown eyes were panicked as he rushed to be at my side.

“What’s wrong?! Is something wrong with my baby? Julia are you in any pain?” Word vomit poured from his mouth, garbled and nearly unintelligible, and I laughed at him gently. I pulled him into a kiss by the jacket of his uniform and Dad turned his face away with an awkward cough. I loved it when Tatsuki called Trinity his. He did it without a moments hesitation or thought. He loved her.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and deeply breathed the clean scent of freshly fallen rain that emanated from his skin. “She’s perfect, T. And you’re perfect. I’m sorry baby.”

Tatsuki scoffed and nuzzled his cheek against the top of my head. His fingers gently dusted my spine as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and I could feel him smiling against my body. “You don’t need to be sorry, my Jule. Not for anything. I have to remind myself that you’re not breakable. I just want to love on you.”

I squeezed him so hard that Trinity flipped around inside of me in mild protest. “I know, but I’m sorry just the same. You’re…thank you, for choosing me.”

“Julia I will choose you every day, for the rest of my life. We’re going to be married soon. Just you wait. Just you wait.” He promised. I had never felt so safe in a all my life. Dad was pretending to be grossed out, but he couldn’t hide it. I could see the pride shining in his steely grey eyes. I knew it brought him no small amount of comfort to know I was going to be taken care of long after he was gone. I would always be loved and I would always be safe.


	63. Chapter 63

The following morning at Garden was rough for everyone. My heart was thoroughly broken. Luca, my sweet puppy, who had been with me for seventeen dedicated years, had taken her final breath sometime during the night. She had been a gift from my father, picked out by my Tatsuki himself the very day we met. She had been to me what Angelo had been to my mother, and I wasn’t sure I had any business working that day, though I hadn’t given myself an option. I needed to work for as long as I was able. I was about to be a mother.

More than that, however, the entirety of the staff had fallen into a quiet disgust and unease. Of course, there was always the possibility that the accusations were unfounded, and there would be an investigation, but all my father had to do was utter the word rape and Carl Aki was removed from duty until further notice. He worked in the nursery, there was no taking chances with the tiny lives we were entrusted with. I was holed up in the library, per usual, and I was thankful that the girls on the committee with me hadn’t judged me too harshly.

Larxine had been allowed to join as an honorary member for the time being, to keep her mind occupied, that had actually been my father’s idea. I was grateful to have her around, and I knew she understood that I hadn’t meant to get anyone in trouble. She was shelving and recategorizing some books when I slunk toward her, trying and failing not to appear miserable. “Larxy, can I talk to you for a second?”

The Shumi smiled warmly at me and her chunky cheeks puffed out in the adorable way they did. My mother had saved her, but she was a blessing to our family. I was very fond of Larxine. She seemed to have recovered emotionally from the loss of her child quicker than I would have been able to, or maybe she was just a good actress, but the warmth she exuded at all times was felt deeply by all of us. “Of course, Julia Raine.”

I smiled. She seemed to think I had two first names, like my sister, but I didn’t mind it. It was Mom’s fault. She liked to call me that when I was being scolded. “I don’t really want to be here today.” I admitted. “Would you like to accompany me on a mission?”

Larxine’s soft brow creased a little and she looked me over for a second before shaking her head. The long sleeves of her light blue robes dwarfed her arms and rolled down her sides as she pressed her hands to her hips. The smell of musty old books made me want to sneeze and I swiped a hand under my nose to scratch it as I attempted to keep pure amusement off my face. “Headmaster Squall and Commander Tatsuki would be unhappy with me if I did that. You are to be resting for your baby’s health.”

Her smile was bittersweet as she mentioned the baby and I cast my gaze to the floor. Watching my pregnancy progress had to be hard on her. “I don’t want to make it sound like Trinity isn’t my greatest priority, she is. But this won’t be dangerous, I promise. I need your help.” Larxine seemed to mull it over for a moment and I was hopeful that she would hear me out. I needed to put this business with Ashlen Cellar to bed. I needed to know if I had murdered an innocent man.

Unfortunately, she didn’t get the opportunity to answer me before the library doors were kicked open. My stomach dropped as I caught sight Autumn. Her golden face was tinted burgundy and I had never wanted to run from her more in my life. She looked like her brother. I opened my mouth to apologize to her, but her hands made contact with my abdomen before I could choke them out. She shoved my tummy hard and I stumbled backward onto my ass as I struggled to crawl away from her. “I d-didn’t mean to…p-please, you’re gonna hurt her!”

“Give me one good reason why I  _ shouldn’t _ hurt her? Do you have any idea what you’ve just done?” Her face contorted with an anger that I’d only seen in one other person before and my body trembled with pure fear. I couldn’t feel any pains, but I worried for my child and I army crawled between the bookshelves to keep her away from Autumn. The other SeeD grabbed my ankles and attempted to pull me backward, but I heard a loud pop before the thud of a body hitting the floor echoed from behind me.

I rolled over and surprise flooded my body. Larxine had cracked Autumn’s head with one of our heftier copies of “Edible Flowers”. Autumn didn’t move and the Shumi knelt to press her hands on top of my bump. A sea green light swirled from her long fingertips and she seemed satisfied with herself when she tugged me to my feet. “No harm done, Julia Raine. Baby’s vitals are strong. I used to check on Xelas that way all the time in the beginning.”

The baby’s vitals being strong didn’t mean she wasn’t injured, Xelas was proof of that, though I never would have said so aloud. Trinity wasn’t inbred by any stretch of the imagination, but what if Autumn had broken a bone? Garnet had been born with a shattered wrist thanks to the abuse Quistis suffered by Fujin’s hands. I shook the fear from my mind as best I could and swallowed a shaky breath. “T-Thank you. I didn’t know Shumi could be Sorceresses.”

“Oh, we cannot be, by technicality. Our village rejects the gift Hyne granted humanity. Those of us born this way are tranquilized of their magic, for the most part. I can still perform a few small spells, but nothing like the power you have.” My heart couldn’t bear to hear that. They were being magically castrated. I had mixed feelings about whether or not my powers were a blessing or a curse. On one hand, being a Sorceress was incredibly dangerous and frightening. The world would never treat them as ‘normal’ people. But on the other…I had the ability to save lives in a way that others didn’t, and that was special.

I hated that I had passed a small amount of my power to my daughter. That seemed to be common among Sorceresses and was the reason that many decided not to have biological children. It was almost impossible to share your body so completely with someone and use that magic every day and not bequeath the fetus with what coursed so naturally through your veins. Trinity and I shared a body, we shared nourishment, we shared oxygen. It wasn’t hard to see how sharing power happened whether it was intended or not. Yet, fearful as it made me, part of me was glad. It was my mother’s power before mine, and now it would be hers. The Leonhart women were destined to be strong. “I don’t know whether to offer condolences or congratulate you.”

Larxine let out a small sigh and shrugged her shoulders. “Perhaps both are appropriate. I’ve been spared from being bound to a Knight and from the dangers that come with it. But I will never experience the giving of healing and life that you White Mages do. You’ve been called to a higher purpose.”

I supposed she was right. Momma and Rosie and I had been given the opportunity to be a light the world desperately needed. I had never thought of being bound to a Knight as a bad thing, however. I had been fortunate enough to have my father protect me for most of my life. I supposed not every Sorceress had a Knight who was good to her. It made me thankful that my father was in charge of the Lone Knights of Aria North. He had changed Garden’s entire purpose for  _ me _ . He had built Timber into a Sanctuary for  _ me _ . His firstborn being a Sorceress had shaped my father’s entire life, and by extension, shaped the lives of every woman blessed by Hyne within the country. “Maybe we could reverse it.” I offered. “I bet Nana would have known a way.”

The Shumi chuckled and shook her head slowly. “There is no need. Shumi who are released from the burden of Sorcery are called the Protectresses. We have been tasked with a very sacred duty. It is the job of the Protectresses to protect those who do carry the burden of magic from The Orderless. It’s nothing I would readily relinquish.”

I blinked stupidly at her for a moment. What did anything happening within Shumi Village have to do with that awful organization? It had been my understanding that the Orderless originated in Esthar. Uncle Seifer’s father had been a power-hungry sexist leech of a man and he had manipulated Seifer’s mother into furthering the lineage of Sorceress Adel. He had seen Adel’s tyranny as a means to an end, a tactic to ignite fear, hatred, and full-scale war against all Sorceress’s living free of Esthar’s memorial. It had worked. He had belonged to the original branch of Orderless, CASE, which stood for Citizens Aiding Sorceress Elimination. I shuddered at the memory and turned my back to Larxine as I wrapped my arms around Trinity protectively.

I could feel panic swelling in the back of my throat and heat rushed to my face as a deep seeded hatred bubbled within me. So many Sorceresses had lost their lives. A lot of them children. I would never forgive Esthar, even now that they were no longer a nation. They had more than paid for what had happened, in a way none of us wanted, but the terror and trauma was as tangible then as it ever was. It was bad enough that the Shumi had unapologetically harbored and protected Soichiro, and had Misty beaten within an inch of her life. But involvement with an anti-sorceress faction decades dead? That was beyond too far.

“Julia Raine.” Larxine said softly, placing her plump warm fingers on the cusp of my shoulder. “I did not mean to upset you. I know it is a painful memory for your kind. I assure you that the Protectresses are a source of good, not ill. We were created to do Hyne’s work. We exist to keep balance. Some Sorceresses who lose their lives are unable to pass their magic on peacefully. We are the vessel for that. It is through our bodies that the magic is taken from them and distributed to another, across all three continents. We help to put them to rest and make sure another Sorceress is created in her place. The Orderless can never succeed so long as we exist.”

That was hard to swallow, and I shook my head. “I didn’t think you were doing wrong.” I whispered. “I just…your village has been doing this for how long? They’re hurting you. The  Orderless don’t even exist anymore.” I didn’t like the way she lowered her gaze and she knelt gently to check on Autumn, who was still out cold. 

“Perhaps that is true in your part of the world. No one has the strength to go up against a super power like Timber. What your parents have built together is incredible. Things are different on the eastern continent, and not just for our village. Besides, we will be needed long after Sorceresses become truly safe. We are the only Shumi capable of performing Sending’s for our dead.” If  Larxine’s gifts were so precious I failed to understand how she could have been treated so poorly. Something else was going on in Winter Island, and I was hell bent to get to the bottom of it. 

The only other country that shared the eastern continent with the Shumi Village following Esthar’s desolation was  Trabia .  Trabia had been forcibly allied with Esthar during the war, and we all knew they were in shambles. It wouldn’t have surprised me to know some derelict  Orderless outliers could be surviving out there. This was not news my parents were going to take lightly, and Mom was already struggling to recover from what had transpired during her meeting with Luso. I frowned. “I was asking before, but now I’m begging you. Please, Larxy. Help me get to the bottom of all this. It’s connected. All of it.”


	64. Chapter 64

Larxine was anxious after we dropped Autumn off at the infirmary, but I was confident that we were more than capable of handling ourselves. She and I had spent weeks shoved inside Timber Garden’s library, and I thought we needed a change in scenery. I didn’t see any reason why my father, Tatsuki and Uncle Zell should be the only three people deciding when, where, and why a SeeD mission took place. I was an A ranking official. It was no big deal. It was a relatively hot May afternoon, and I desperately wished I hadn’t chopped my hair off. At least when it was long I could pull it up with a bow.

I must have made a face because Larxine was suddenly walking much too close to me as we ambled along the old cobblestone streets. She hovered protectively and I smiled as I coiled an arm around her pudgy waist. Larxine was becoming a close friend, and I could honestly say that I loved her. She seemed to relax into the embrace, if only a little, and we walked in a comfortable silence to Timber Central Station. There were two train stations in Aria North, Timber Central being the one on the south side of town, near the pub, and Timber Metro, which was closest in proximity to the Mamoru Family Pet Shop.

There was always a lot of hustle and bustle on the way to Timber Metro, because that was the only train station that ran to both Galbadia and Balamb, and the pet shop was a very popular destination in and of itself. In spite of its proximity to the Aphrora pub, Timber Central didn’t get near as much traffic. An elderly couple liked to snuggle on a nearby bench in the afternoons and the occasional child would wander from the homeless shelter to play on the bridge. My father was well liked in that part of town for that very reason. Back when Galbadia still occupied Timber, my father had saved a little girl’s life who had been playing on the bridge and fell off onto the train tracks.

It was a sleepy part of town and the old man at the ticket booth was half alive as his rickety old hands struggled to stamp and clip the long roll of ticket paper he was fiddling with as we approached the counter. It was almost impossible to tell he was smiling. His Caterchipillar of a white moustache hung over most of his mouth and the skin around his eyes drooped down his cheeks. He spoke with a whistle and he bowed his head politely as he tipped his hat toward us. “Young…ladies…will…we…be…purchasing…tickets?”

I could already tell this was going to be like pulling teeth and I grimaced. “Yes sir, we will be needing two round trip tickets to Winhill for the day. I was um, I was also going to ask you about an employee too, if that’s alright.” The old man squinted at me real hard for a moment before he reached for the proper tickets slower than a Blobra on a treadmill.

“No…employees…here…except…me.”

I pulled the politest smile I had from my repertoire and tried not to be frustrated. I had to wonder how much older than my Papa this man truly was. My Papa had been pushing seventy and he had been just as energetic at the end of his life as I ever remembered him being. I pulled an evidence baggie out of my hoodie’s oversized pocket and presented him with it. It contained a picture of both the deceased and his wife. “I am sure that is correct now, sir. But you used to employee Mr. Ashlen Cellar, isn’t that correct? I was hoping you could tell me about him.”

“Who…are…you?” The man’s barely cognizant expression twitched a little, and I wondered if that was his angry face. I fished my work badge from my pocket and dangled it before his lazy hazel eyes.

“Julia Leonhart, Rank A SeeD in affiliation with Timber Garden, sir.”

The old man slapped the badge from his face quicker than I realized he was capable of and Larxine flinched slightly. He thrust our tickets at us and grumbled under his breath. “We…don’t…cooperate…with…police.”

I scoffed and wrinkled my nose. Police? Who the hell trusted the police? I was a mercenary. It had always gotten under my father’s skin that the general public in no way understood the work we did. They didn’t even try. We weren’t a police force, and we certainly weren’t soldiers, both of which we were accused of on a semi-regular basis. “I’m not a cop, sir. Timber Garden is in no way affiliated with the ANPD.” We never would be, either. The Aria North Police Department hated our guts and the feeling was mutual.

“If…you’re…conducting…an…investigation…you’re…basically…police.”

The conversation was over, I could tell, and I snarled at him as I jerked our tickets up off the counter. How _dare_ he accuse me of being the same as the assholes who were sitting with their thumbs up their asses, doing nothing about my sexual assault. The same men and women who would do nothing about Autumn’s, too, I was sure of it. “Fine. I’ll find out myself, but I _will_ find out if you’re hiding anything.” I hissed.

Larxine put a hand on the small of my back and I reached to gently pull her closer to me as we boarded the train bound for Winhill. I had the Lion Heart strapped to my hip and I had borrowed a standard issue Pinwheel from the supply closet back at the Garden for Larxine. She had never seen combat, but Pinwheels were not hard to wield, and I felt better knowing she was armed in case anything went sideways. The train car was almost empty, thankfully, and I didn’t anticipate any issues as we took our seats and slid the door closed.

Almost no one traveled to and from Winhill; it wasn’t the friendliest destination on the Western Continent. I had spent the first five years of my life there, following my near murder at the Galbadian War Counsel in Deling City. My parents had taken me by train when I was two weeks old to that summit, where Mom and I were very nearly assassinated. Afterwards we had been forced to hide in Winhill from the Orderless until it was safe to return to Timber, and I remembered being so happy to have moved away.

Winhill represented the worst of my childhood. My father was almost never home and when he was, he and my mother often argued. I was sure moving home to Timber and withdrawing from the war in Esthar had saved my parent’s marriage. I owed Timber everything. My parents almost never fought anymore, and Daddy had been home every single night in time for dinner since Noctis had been born. We were a very happy family. My parents loved one another with a fervor that I was intensely enamored with; I couldn’t imagine they ever would have divorced. Daddy would have done anything to keep my mother by his side, and I suspected that was his sole reason for jerking our Garden out of the war.

I tried not to remember Winhill bitterly, but it was difficult not to. Even if our five short years there hadn’t put a strain on what was then our small family unit, it had treated my grandparents like garbage. My Grandma Raine lived her whole life tucked away in Winhill and my Papa had never been accepted there. His love for her and for Ellone was all that kept him there before he left for Esthar. The people were cruel and misunderstood outsiders just for the sake of doing so. I was sure if I had stayed, they would have treated me as one of their own, but they treated my parents like the scum on the bottom of their shoes.

I was staring off into space and Larxine gently nudged me with her elbow as the loudspeaker rattled off that we had reached our destination. “Are you okay?” I rubbed at my eyes and shook my head of the errant thoughts. I had been too quiet for my own good.

“Course I am, let’s go!” I slapped a happy-go-lucky grin to my face and went to tug on her hand, though I recoiled as I remembered what Dad had told me about their customs. I didn’t want to offend her, but she offered me a warm smile and chuckled to herself.

“You are my friend, Julia Raine. One of my only friends. You may hold my hand.” My eyes widened and I stopped dead in my tracks for a moment. I didn’t have very many friends either, it came with the territory of being the Headmaster’s daughter. I was grateful to know that she enjoyed my company the way that I enjoyed hers.

I threaded my fingers between her own as best I could. Mine were smaller and shorter, but she curled her hand around my own tightly and tears misted across my eyes. She was sweeter than any of us deserved. “Can I tell you something, Larxy? Just between you and I?” She looked a little nervous, and I didn’t blame her. Last time I’d asked if I could tell her something, she’d been forced to crack someone’s skull open.

“You may.” Larxine’s response was graceful, and I hoped I wasn’t stressing her. I knew I could be a little much and she was far too polite to say so. My personality was strong for most people’s tastes.

I swallowed hard and rested my free hand atop my belly. Tatsuki and the baby were all I really had. Larxine needed to know that her friendship was important to me. “I just…wanted you to know that you’re my best friend. It’s cool if I’m not yours, or whatever, but I just thought you should know. I’m starting to get the message that Autumn doesn’t really care about me…and I don’t think we’ll ever be close the way we were again.”

I was surprised when pure bliss crossed the Shumi’s face and she looked toward the sky for a long moment. “I…wow. I’ve never had a best friend before. I wouldn’t be too hard on Autumn. All three of us have experienced an indescribable injustice, and I fear that maybe it has made her heart cold. I am, however, blessed to be regarded so highly by you. Your family has done me many kindnesses, and…you are my best friend, too.”

I smiled down at our hands and I clutched her fingers just a little tighter. “If you…really want to stay in Timber with me…I’d um…I’d like it if you’d be my little girl’s godmother.” I had godparents, I didn’t see any reason why Trinity shouldn’t also have someone designated to look after her spiritual growth in ways she might not get from Tatsuki and I. Larxine had just lost her first child. She deserved to get a little chunk of motherhood back. I wanted to do that for her.

“You think Commander Tatsuki would be okay with that?” Her voice was so hopeful that it almost broke my heart.

“Tatsuki loves you, Larxy. We’ve already discussed it.” Tatsuki and I had had a long discussion the night prior, after my father had left us alone for the night. There was so much about our future we were trying to figure out, and we had a very short window of time now to do so. My pregnancy was almost halfway over. Not much had been decided, but we knew for sure that we wanted this for Larxine. She would take good care of our daughter, just like Uncle Zell and Aunt Quistis had always taken good care of my siblings and I.

Larxine knelt suddenly and squished her face against the side of my abdomen. “I accept. Aunt Larxine will teach you all she knows, little Sorceress. Don’t you worry about a thing.” She was quiet for a moment before she pulled herself back to her feet with a spring in her step that hadn’t been there before. “I must gather things for this child, then. It is customary.” That was the most excitement I had seen out of her since we had lost Xelas and that was exactly what we had wanted. Tatsuki and I wanted to be a stepping stone in her healing process.

I laughed. “I guess we ought to get out of the road first. Come on!” I snaked an arm happily across her shoulders and we headed together toward the Chocobo Crossing in a comfortable silence.


	65. Chapter 65

The Chocobo Crossing sign was where we entered the village from where the train had dropped us off just outside the boundary that crossed from Galbadia into the independent territory. There was no train station in Winhill, so you had to walk a ways into the small town from the stop a few miles out. As a child I used to chase the Chicobos into the sprawling wheat fields that surrounded the quaint little town, and that was probably where my love for them had first blossomed.

I peeked around for a moment to be get my bearings as I attempted to remember where everything was. Not much seemed to have changed in seventeen years and I blinked in surprise as I refamiliarized myself with the land. Ashlen Cellar had lived and worked in Timber, but his wife and child resided in Winhill, according to the police reports. I wasn’t sure who to approach for knowledge on their whereabouts, but I remembered there being an elderly lady who ran the flower shop nearby. I doubted she was still living, she had been very old when I was small child, but if it was still in business, I thought there was a chance that whoever had taken over might have known something.

The house I was raised in in those early years was right beside the bar where Grandma Raine had lived and worked. It was right in the middle of town, and the flower shop was the halfway point between it and the Item Shop near the outskirts. We weren’t far at all, and I tugged Larxine gently along as I let autopilot take over. Whittaker Flowers was a small family owned business that had reeked of heavily of lavender and dried herbs for as long as I could remember. The outside of the building appeared to have been recently remodeled and I admired the new wrought iron finishes that now adorned the steps and railings I didn’t remember being there before.

A bell dinged as we stepped inside, and I was slightly taken back by the now aggressively mauve walls. The overwhelming smell was the same as it always had been, however, and Larxine inconspicuously tugged the top of her robe up over her nasal openings. A young man was situated in a beat-up rocking chair in the center of the room. He was knitting what looked to be a shawl and he looked up from his yarn with a smile that seemed too old for his face. “Welcome to Whittaker Flowers, my name is Robert, how can I assist you today?”

“Hi there, my name is Julia, and I was hoping that I might speak with you regarding an ongoing investigation—”

“Would you like to sample our seasonal Snap Dragons? They don’t grow in Winhill often, and I’ll cut you a good deal.” Robert interrupted enthusiastically. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I wasn’t sure if old Mrs. Whittaker was his mother or his grandmother, but she had certainly rubbed off on him. When she wasn’t wistfully reminiscing on the past she was either down your throat about purchasing something or elbows deep in your personal business.

The elderly gentleman at the train station had already worn my nerves thin and I pressed my lips into a hard line as I rigidly offered a SeeD salute. “This is official Garden business sir, I am not here to buy flowers. I would like to ask you about a resident that may live nearby.”

“Garden business? Oh my, you’re not a SeeD are you? We used to have a family of SeeD’s that lived in the center of town square. That father was nothing but trouble, weaving in and out of the village for months at a time, leaving that poor baby at home with her air-headed mother. Was no surprise to our family that they didn’t stick around long, no siree.” Robert was animated and chipper, blissfully ignorant of just who exactly he was speaking to. I could feel Renzokuken buzzing just below the surface of my skin and I willed it away as I pulled my lips back into a snarl.

My mother was  _ not _ air-headed. My father was fighting a world war and she was raising me alone, little more than a teenager. Momma tried her very best with what she had, and god forbid she exude warmth and a bubbly personality in the face of adversity. Being cheerful and full of youth did  _ not  _ make my mother an idiot. “I’ll be sure to let my mother know how the residents of Winhill feel about her next time the village asks Timber for goods. Never mind. I guess no one is going to be helpful today.” I barked.

I started to walk away but Robert quickly grabbed for my arm and the color had completely drained from his face. “W-Wait! I’m s-so sorry Lady Leonhart, I didn’t recognize you. My goodness, you’re p-pregnant, please sit down.” He scooted his rocking chair toward me and I kicked it over as I tugged angrily at my hoodie. What was the point of wearing loose clothes if people could still tell I was having a baby? Autumn’s taunting that I was a whale prodded at my self esteem and I blinked back tears as I turned my face away from the man.

“Just answer my question, please.” I requested tersely, attempting to reign in my emotions as I jammed the evidence baggie into Robert’s outstretched hands. It was just two pictures, surely he could figure it out. “We had a man living and working in our city by the name of Ashlen Cellar. I need to speak with his widow.”

Robert inched closer to me and pressed his body desperately against my own as I backed myself against the hardwood door. “P-Please miss, please don’t bother Mrs. Cellar. She’s heartbroken. Her husband slaved to keep their family fed, he couldn’t find work here.” Larxine tugged the man off of me and a small frown curled at the corner of her wide mouth.

“I suspect you were judging Headmaster Squall for doing the same, providing for his family away from home. Please show some respect and keep your hands to yourself. Julia Raine is the President’s daughter.” Larxine’s voice was gentle as ever, but there was a hardness to it that I’d never heard her use before, and I was more than grateful for the support. I didn’t like to throw it up that I was Timber’s First Daughter, I preferred to be recognized as a SeeD, but it worked in a pinch when people were uncooperative.

Robert bowed his head, but I knew better than to mistake it for shame. He was embarrassed he had been scolded for running his mouth about things he knew nothing about. “Raine? As in…Raine Loire? I’d always heard rumors that the SeeD who lived here was her son.” His expression was suddenly drawn, and it made me angrier. He didn’t have any right to feel pitiful over any relation we had to my grandmother. “I am heartened he would call his daughter that.”

“…whatever.” I turned on my heel and jammed the side of my arm into the door to break it free of its latch. The door wasn’t all that sturdy, and it popped open with relative ease. Larxine followed dutifully behind me as we stepped into the midmorning sun and I gritted my teeth at the sound of Robert stumbling out after us.

“H-Hey…listen. Any relative of Raine’s is welcomed here. If you really want to speak with Mrs. Cellar, she lives in a small house just off the fork in the road by the fields. Take a left instead of a right, down the steep hill. You’ll find the Cellar residence right at the bottom, near a natural Draw Point.” I was mildly surprised. There hadn’t been any housing down that way when I had lived there. I didn’t understand the appeal. No one lived down there because everything that was worth doing in Winhill was concentrated within the town square just across the bridge.

I nodded my thanks, but I didn’t bother wasting more breath on Robert. I was hungry and irritated and I was already regretting my decision to leave Timber in the first place. The chances of anything coming out this excursion were slim, that was becoming apparent, and I stomped off down the incline to where the Cellar’s alleged house sat at the very bottom of the dead-end road. The land was overgrown and in spite of it being a newer dwelling, the house appeared condemned, or close to it. Worry fluttered in my stomach just as clearly as Trinity did and I gnawed on my bottom lip. A child was living here? What a mess. 

Larxine and I exchanged weary glances and I almost didn’t want to knock on the door. The wood was soft, as if it wanted to cave under the pressure and I rapped as lightly as I could along the mildewed wood. “Hello? Mrs. Cellar? I am a  SeeD representative from Timber Garden, I was hoping I might could have a moment of your time?” We were met with silence and I knocked a little harder. “Ma’am?” The windows were covered in filth but I cupped my hands and attempted to peer inside to see if they were home. There was no car in the driveway, but it wasn’t a common mode of transportation in Winhill, and it was doubtful they had one. 

I couldn’t see anything, but something that sounded like glass shattering tinkled from the back of the house. A child’s muffled wailing in the distance seemed to ignite the newfound maternal instincts that were growing stronger inside of me every day and I wasted no time smashing my boot into what was left of the front door. According to Ashlen’s background report, he and his wife had one small child, Alistair, who was only two years old. Debris from the poor condition of the house made me wheeze and I knew I couldn’t stay long with how aggressive my asthma had been flaring lately. “A-Alistair? V-Victoria?”

I was coughing and my eyes watered something terrible as I struggled to make my way to the back of the dilapidated living space. A pungent musty odor lingered in the back of my throat and I clasped a hand over my mouth as I stumbled into what had once been a nursery. The toddler sized bed in the middle of the room was coated in blood and a small lump laid sprawled in the center, barely moving. Who I assumed was Alistair was crying softly and his little face was turning blue from lack of  oxygen. He had dark red hair and a sharp, malnourished face. I followed his leaf green eyes to his left arm and my stomach would have dropped into my feet if it had been able. 

There was an empty syringe sticking out of his pasty white skin and I delicately removed it before scooping the child into my arms. “Stay with me, little one, look at me. Can you t-tell me who--” I coughed hard and wiped at the tears that now flowed freely down my cheeks. “Who d-did this to you? What did they put inside you?” I didn’t know why I was bothering to ask; he was so young. I knew he had no idea what was happening, only that he was in pain. He opened his lips to try and speak but all he could do was cry. His lungs rattled deeply and I shooshed him as I bowed my head to kiss his clammy face. “ Never mind , don’t try to speak. I’m going to make it all better, okay?”

I had plenty of healing spells both forbidden and legal readily available at my fingertips, but my thoughts were torn as Larxine yelped from behind us. “J-Julie...what do I do? We aren’t alone...there’s someone else in here!” 


	66. Chapter 66

The house was filling with smoke and what was already a risky environment for my child and I became a serious threat. Victoria Cellar was sprawled out several feet from where I had found Alistair, but there was no saving her. She had been dead a long while. I tucked the two-year-old tightly against me and followed the sound of Larxine’s voice into the center of the building. Thick black plumes of smoke permeated the air, but I couldn’t find a source. The heat of the stagnant air around us was normal for Winhill that time of year; the searing lick of any type of flame or flare was entirely absent.

“It’s a s-smoke screen, it has to be, sweep the perimeter and evacuate _now_!” I barked. I forgot that Larxine wasn’t a SeeD, but the orders were cut and dry and she sprung into action without a moment’s hesitation. Protocol for smoke bombs were clearly laid out in the SeeD manual. It was a tactic we didn’t run into often, but on the occasion that an enemy, typically a G-Soldier in the old days, deployed one, we were to follow instructions to the letter. Formation would be made where one or more SeeD’s would sweep for enemies while the designated caster would handle the disadvantage.

As a Sorceress, designated caster was usually me, and I made quick work of dispersing the smoke with a simple flurry of Tornado. The smoke was sucked into the funnel and as my vision sharpened I could see that Larxine had company. She had a taller, thicker Shumi cornered as she pulled her Pinwheel back in a defensive stance. A javelin was strapped to his hip and he attempted to jam the serrated end through the pudge of her middle. I reacted on instinct before I thought my movements through, and I was mid-leap when Larxine dodge rolled to safety with a dexterity that impressed me. The javelin missed her by an inch and sunk into the tender flesh of my left side. I had brought my leg up to kick the weapon away, and it was a blessing that I had. He could have impaled Trinity and I both if I had attacked facing forward.

I hissed at the pain that shot through my middle, though that was secondary in the moment. I was used to the pain of combat and I pushed the fire in my nerves to the back of my mind as best I could. What was important was the children. Alistair and Trinity had to make it out alive. I jerked the rod from my body and swung it viciously at the Shumi’s soft cranium, cracking it with a resounding thud as he stumbled backward into the rubble. He lurched toward me, but Larxine launched a projectile into the squish of his neck fat. He choked and Larxine yanked him up by the front of his dark robes. “Who are you? Who sent you here?”

Alistair was going limp in my arms and I gently wrapped him in a concoction of Revive and Curaga. “Stay with me little man, okay? We’re going to get you to a hospital. Can you drink this for me?” I gently pressed an Elixir to the child’s lips and he sipped at it as best he could. I was hurting badly, and my vision was threatening to darken as I wrapped the arm that wasn’t cradling Alistair around my belly. _Come on Trinity, don’t do this. I know we’re injured, but you stay put._ Even as I thought those words a firm contraction tore through me and it was all I could do to catch pieces of Larxine’s conversation.

“Xystus…Forest Owls…Soi…chiro?” My head was swimming and tears pricked my eyes as another hard contraction ripped through my body. This wasn’t a muscle spasm. Now that I was feeling it for the very first time, I could feel the difference and somewhere inside of me I knew it was over. I had gotten carried away, and now I was losing my opportunity to be a mother. I was losing my little girl. That was the last thought that crossed my mind as my consciousness fizzled into nothing.

*Tatsuki’s POV*

I was so angry that I couldn’t see straight, and I tore from the train station with a cold sweat running into the tops of my thick black combat boots. How could she do this? Julia was sixteen weeks pregnant with my daughter. I had patience for a lot of things but disobeying the schedule rotation and striking out on her own didn’t sit well with me. My Julia was sweet and kind and had this funny way of doing things that made her unlike any other woman I had ever met. But she was also her parent’s child, and she got a strong will and stubbornness from both sides of their family. You couldn’t talk Julia out of anything once her mind was set.

I loved that about her, but my stomach was twisted with worry as I junctioned Haste to my LOTUS and raced through the wilderness to enter Winhill without an airship. Winhill was a difficult village to enter as it was and flying in by air only would have caused a scene that Headmaster Leonhart was unwilling to entertain. Our Garden as well as our family existed in the public eye enough as it was. We were lucky to have had a paper trail to follow. I had stopped by the library that morning to bring her some flowers, as an apology for being overbearing.

I wasn’t blind to the fact that Julia was experiencing a lot of change, and I was perhaps coming on too strong. Her father was pushing me to be like him, just as he always had, and I unlike Noctis I craved that attention and interaction with Squall. I wanted to follow in his footsteps. In so doing, however, I had accidentally pushed Julia away, and that was the last thing in the world that I wanted. Roses were her favorite flower and I had picked some up that morning on my way to work. I had wanted to apologize and take a moment to talk to her about our engagement.

Our daughter would be in our arms in twenty-four weeks, and that was assuming everything continued to go smoothly. When she came there was going to be no time for a wedding between keeping her safe from her birth father and balancing the life of a SeeD with parenthood. I didn’t want to elope the way her brother had, it would have made Julia miserable, she wanted to feel like a princess. I did, however, want to marry as quick as was physically possible. I didn’t feel like my girls were safe. The ANPD was doing nothing about Soichiro. There was absolutely nothing stopping him for attempting to sue for custody. I wanted to be Julia’s husband when and if that were to happen, otherwise there would be nothing I could do to protect them.

When I had arrived at the library there was a junior classman was running the counter, and she squirmed in mild discomfort as she watched me scan the area for my fiancée. “I k-know who you’re looking for, C-Commander. Lady Leonhart and Larxine have left for afternoon. She said they had a mission to tend to, she logged it r-right here.” I snatched the clipboard from the cadet as a firm scowl twitched at the edges of my mouth. She had penciled herself in for a job in Winhill. I took the information straight to the Headmaster, and luckily Squall had been keeping tabs on her findings regarding the Ashlen Cellar case. He knew exactly where she had gone.

Squall was silent for a long while at my side and I could feel the heat radiating off him as we entered the small town through the thick of the surrounding forest. I was trying to keep my emotions level. I didn’t want both of us to appear angry when we found Julia. The hormones from the baby were making her so sensitive, and I hated to see her cry. We only wanted her to be safe, that was all. “You weren’t watching her.” He hissed through clenched teeth. “You’re her Knight. I gave you one goddamn job.”

“With all due respect, sir. I am taking that job very seriously, but I do not and will not control your daughter. She’s my partner, I don’t tell her what to do.”

“You should have gone _with her.”_

“I didn’t know she was leaving; I didn’t get the memo sir.”

I hated to argue with him, but he wasn’t being reasonable. Headmaster Leonhart was not a controlling father, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he had been driven into a hyper-protective state after the assault. I suspected that Trinity had a lot to do with it too. It had taken him a long time to warm up to the idea of Julia and I keeping the baby, but once he had, he had formed an intense attachment to her. I couldn’t say much. I was also incredibly attached to the baby. She was mine. If anything happened to her…

My thoughts trailed off as the high-pitched wail of a siren blared throughout the otherwise silent streets. The ambulance was barreling down the beat-up old path to the left of the fork in the road and Squall and I exchanged a panicked glance before we raced after it. There was something in my gut that told me it was her, and I could feel that same anxiety vibrating from her father. We had already had a miscarriage scare. I couldn’t bare the idea that it could be happening all over again. Julia was one of those people who failed to look before they leapt, it was the one flaw that always gotten her points docked on missions when we were cadets.

I knew she had pushed herself too hard, or been reckless, or…my throat was swelling closed and I struggled not to lose my cool as we clamored toward the vehicle that skirted down the dirt road with an enormous cloud of dust. I had a strong handle on my emotions in combat, so it was rare that my Limit was triggered without aid from an aura stone…yet my Limit Break exploded the moment my eyes landed on Julia. She’d already been carried out of the house and was laying in a bloody heap with her head in Larxine’s lap.

Squall had passed what he called Renzokuken on to Julia, and it was a powerful Limit Break that accompanied the gunblade. Tsuinraion was what I called my own, and I had removed the Twin Lance from its holster before it even registered in my brain. All I knew in that moment was that my soon-to-be wife and daughter were wounded, possibly dead, and who must have been the culprit was kneeling at Larxine’s side, incapacitated and bound at the wrists with what looked like a piece of Larxine’s robes. My body was airborne, and I lodged both blades into the Shumi’s neck as Tsuinraion erupted around me.

A shimmering powder blue light sparkled off the blade as the Limit’s energy wept from my body, and the smell of burning flesh slapped me in the face. Normally the rays from Tsuinraion were swept through the air and the heat created a clean impactful cut that simultaneously cauterized otherwise messy wounds. This time it was concentrated in one area, and the Shumi’s neck made a sickeningly wet sound as the skin pulled away from the meat around his bones. I twisted my body with a rage that terrified me, and his head toppled clean from his shoulders.

“Tatsuki…what the hell have you done?!” Headmaster Leonhart roared. “We don’t even know if he had anything to do with this! You could have just murdered an innocent civilian!” I didn’t care, and that was even scarier. I was coming down off an adrenaline high and I drowned him out completely as I knelt to jerk Julia into my arms. She was bleeding heavily, and I could feel her small bump tightening into a hard ball as I poked and prodded at my little girl. Julia was in labor.


	67. Chapter 67

The tension in the atmosphere was unbearable as the doctor gave us Julia’s prognosis. Headmaster Leonhart was pacing back and forth and his Mrs. had a thousand-yard glassy stare in her eyes. We were all in shock, and Larxine had refused to leave Julie’s bedside as we spoke with Doctor Zabac in the hallway. Winhill didn’t have a good medical center; we had Julia air lifted back to Timber Memorial. Julia was going to be fine, but they were working very hard to save Trinity’s life. A few drugs had been administered to stop her labor, and they seemed to be working, but she was so early yet in her gestation that the doctors were worried the baby would be expelled soon regardless. There was only so much trauma a fetus could endure.

“We’re doing everything we can, but all of you need to be made aware that the child’s survival rate is low. If by some miracle she doesn’t miscarry, she’s going to need near constant bedrest until this baby is viable. Right now we aren’t detecting any trauma to her womb, which is excellent news, the blade didn’t go deep enough to puncture or harm her reproductive organs or the child. What we’re worried about are the baby’s stress levels and possible shock.” He might as well have told me my baby was going to be born still and I turned to grab a trash can as I violently emptied the contents of my stomach. If Trinity went into shock it was all over.

History was repeating itself. They were going to keep Julia in a medically induced coma for two weeks while her body attempted to repair itself and they heavily monitored Trinity. All I could taste was bile as tears rolled down my cheeks. It wasn’t fair. Julia hated being in the hospital, it terrified her, and I knew she was going to feel so guilty when she woke up. I didn’t want that. Julia loved our daughter more than anything in the world, and I knew if she had a shred of an inkling that there was going to be any danger during a routine interview, she never would have gone.

Squall wouldn’t even look at me and his voice was tight as Doctor Zabac excused himself to go and check on the baby’s vitals. “Commander Mamoru you are hereby suspended until further notice, have I made myself clear?”

My mouth went bone dry and Rinoa put a shaky hand on her husbands’ shoulder. “Baby, you can’t punish—”

“The hell I can’t.” Headmaster Leonhart snapped. “I can and will hold him responsible for flying off the handle. He is the SeeD Commander, he cannot ever lose his cool like that. Innocent people—”

“How many times did you lose your goddamn mind over me or our kids when you were the SeeD Commander? Don’t hold my son-in-law to a standard you can’t even keep yourself.” Mrs. Leonhart’s voice had a bite to it that I was unfamiliar with and her normally gentle demeanor had crumbled into one of anger and distress. I flinched and the hurt that flashed across Squall’s eyes made me uncomfortable, as if I were witnessing something deeply private.

I didn’t want to be the reason something came between their marriage and I shook my head wildly. “N-No, please, it’s okay—”

“You know what, Rinoa? You and Julia both need to grow up. I guess it’s my fault you never did.” I had never in my life heard him take such a scathing tone with his wife, and Rinoa’s face was heartbroken as Squall stormed away from her to get some air. Her lips quivered and I couldn’t take the way she trembled as a small squeak of a sob broke loose from her chest.

“Mrs. Leonhart…please…come here.” The headmaster had been out of line and I coiled my arms around the president tightly as she buried her delicate face into the crook of my neck. I respected Rinoa deeply, she had always been the family rock, and I knew it weighed heavily on her. Heavier than her husband cared to realize. “He didn’t mean what he said you know.” I promised as I rubbed small circles along her back. “I’m sure once he cools down it’ll all be okay. He’s just frightened.”

Rinoa felt heavy in my arms and she was swaying a little as her body shivered violently. “I don’t f-feel right…” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, and I pressed the back of my hand to her forehead to check for fever. She was clammy, and the next thing I knew she was dead weight in my arms.

“M-Mrs.—Rinoa?! Ma’am, look at me, what’s wrong?” She was out cold, and I screamed as loud as I could for a doctor. A bubble of anger swelled in my chest as several nurses pried her away from me and I bit my bottom lip hard. The familiar taste of copper filled my mouth and I followed closely behind them as they rushed her to the ER. This was all the Headmaster’s fault. I had admired him my entire life, I had never seen him show his ass like this before. Madam President was sensitive, she had passed that along to Julie, and she was getting older. I hated that he’d pushed her so hard when her firstborn was lying unconscious in a coma.

I knew what was going on, though. Squall was worried to death about Trinity. I couldn’t blame him there. I was worried to death about my little girl, too. I couldn’t put my finger on why or how I had grown so attached to her, but I had. I loved Julia so much that it didn’t matter to me whose blood coursed through that child’s veins. I was going to be the one loving her and keeping her safe. I had always wanted to be a father. My own father never got to be. I was having to stare down the very real possibility that Trinity wasn’t meant for us yet. Maybe the timing was wrong, maybe we weren’t ready to be parents.

_No._ I did my best to shake the horrible thought from my mind. _My little girl is going to live. I know she will._ She had already weathered so much inside of her mother. She had survived her vicious conception, she had survived more than one asthma attack, and she’d survived a nasty fall. If any child could pull through an injury like this, it was my baby girl. Mrs. Leonhart was whisked onto a gurney and behind a curtain to be examined and reporters I recognized from the Timber Maniacs broadcast were already swarming like locusts. They had been reporting live from the moment they discovered someone was being airlifted to the hospital, I was sure.

“Commander Mamoru! Commander Mamoru!” Several microphones were being thrust in my face all of a sudden and I was momentarily stunned by a flash of bright white light. Blue squiggles danced in front of my eyes as I struggled to readjust and the small, pixie-like reporter who had snapped the photo was the first to speak. “Is it true that you’re marrying Timber’s First Daughter? Reports say she’s pregnant with her attacker’s child.”

I failed to see how either of those things were correlated and I stuttered as I rubbed at my disoriented eyes. “Y-yes of course, we are set to be married.” I squinted to catch a glimpse at the girl’s nametag, and I vaguely recognized her as one of the nasty girls Autumn used to keep for company during the summer weeks we had off from our studies. Heather Patel.

Heather’s short brown bob was spiked in the back and I was mildly distracted by the aggressive dark blue eye shadow that was caked above her pale eyes. “I guess the media is having a hard time grasping why a high-ranking officer such as yourself would rush into a relationship with a woman carrying the alleged spawn of all evil.”

“The baby is _mine,_ ” I hissed. “You will not speak of her that way. Lady Leonhart and I are not rushing into anything, we’ve always been in love.” It burned me up inside to think that Trinity was going to have to live her entire life with the media smearing her name for being associated with Soichiro Yoshioka. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t want her to grow up in a world that was hell bent on spoon feeding her self-loathing. I would burn the Timber Maniacs building to the ground if that meant protecting her.

A sickeningly saccharine smile twisted Ms. Patel’s features and she brought the recorder I hadn’t known she was holding to her gaudy burnt orange lipstick. “You heard it here first, folks, in Commander Mamoru’s exclusive interview. First Daughter Julia Leonhart has been in a committed relationship with her commanding officer for years and is carrying _his_ child. No assault ever transpired.”

“E-Excuse me? That’s not what I said—”

“Our nations First Family is covering up her daughter’s pregnancy out of wedlock by tarnishing Vice President Yoshioka’s family name. How can we even trust this supposed war with the Shumi? What else is being hidden from us?”

“SHUT UP!” I attempted to jerk the tape recorder out of her hands, but several other members of the paparazzi shoved me backward as the skinny little thing slipped away into the crowd. I wanted to follow her, I wanted to shatter her equipment into tiny pieces, but what good was causing a scene going to do? Our family’s reputation was on the line either way, I was only making it worse. I could feel the heat in my face traveling down my neck and I was angry crying when a nurse finally stepped out from behind the curtain.

“Commander, sir. The President is alert. She is asking to see you.”

I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my uniform jacket and gave a polite nod. I had done enough exploding for one day; my suspension was entirely deserved in my eyes. I never lost my composure. I didn’t know what love was doing to me. The tight ball of worry nestled in my stomach eased a little as I caught sight of her. Rinoa was sitting up and color had been breathed back into her round cheeks. “Ma’am…are you alright?”

The President’s rosy lips twitched into a gentle smile, though her large downturned eyes were sad. I loved those eyes. Julie’s eyes. Julia’s eyes were the same steely blue color as her father’s, but she and Noctis both had inherited the shape of their mother’s. “Tatsuki, please. For the last time, call me Noa. I want you to call me Noa.” She begged.

I smiled and offered her a SeeD salute. “Noa. Ma’am.”

It was worth it to hear her laugh, and she chuckled to herself as she reached for something black and shiny that was curled up on the small table to her left. “It’s a little funny. I had passed out when Julia was first discovered, too. I guess I’m a fainter.” She handed me the small coil of dark paper and warmth blossomed in my chest as I ran a finger over the glossy little bean nestled in her womb.

“You’re…pregnant. Congratulations.”

Rinoa nodded. “Six weeks gone. I never really imagined I’d be pregnant at forty, much less pregnant at the same time as my eldest, but…Yevon works in mysterious ways.” I handed the ultrasound back to her and glanced down at my feet. I felt a little guilty. Squall should have been first to know, not me.

“I’m sure the Headmaster will be thrilled.”

The President’s expression soured and the pit in my stomach clenched into an excruciating ball again. I felt like I had done something wrong. I caused a fight in a marriage that Julia and I both had always thought was perfect. We looked up to the pure love that flowed between them. It was the sort of marriage she and I would aspire to share, I was certain. “If he even wants this baby. Apparently, I’m enough of a child myself.”

“Noa,” I said softly. “He just needs to blow off a little steam, that’s all. I know Headmaster Leonhart didn’t mean it.”

I half expected her to leap for joy that I had used her nickname without any additional titles, but she was transfixed with something behind me. I assumed it to be her husband, because she was scowling so hard I thought her lips might fall from the edge of her face. “Last I checked you didn’t speak for me, Commander. What exactly didn’t I mean?” 


	68. Chapter 68

*Squall’s POV*

“Tatsuki, go check on Julia, please.” Rinoa hissed tightly. I was acutely aware that I was being hard on the boy, but in the moment I felt like I was justified. After everything our entire family had been through to help Julia heal from that mess, they went and pulled a stunt that could have taken my first grandchild from me. I supposed it really wasn’t Tatsuki I was angry with, it was my daughter, and I swallowed the lump in my throat as I grabbed for the kid’s arm.

“L-Look I’m not…I’m not mad at you, Tatsuki. I’m sorry. Go on.” I knew I was being a hypocrite. I had told Julia less than twenty-four hours prior to be kinder to the boy. He was shaping up to be an integral part of our family and he was no ones punching bag.

The Commander made himself scarce and Rinoa and I stared one another down for a long, hard moment. I hadn’t meant to snap at her. Rinoa was everything. If I ever drove her away I wouldn’t be able to live, we both knew that, and I coughed awkwardly as I broke our gaze to stare a hole into the sterile white floor. “I gave you what was left of my childhood, Squall.” She finally said. “I left behind my name, my home, my teenage years, all of it, to be your wife and the mother of your child. I raised our daughter by myself while you were out playing hero, and I’ve never thrown that back in your face, but don’t you _dare_ accuse me of being a child.”

I blanched and the tears fell before I could stop them. I had no qualms about crying in front of Rinoa, not anymore. We had been together so many long beautiful years. She had seen me at rock bottom and loved me anyway. I didn’t deserve her in the beginning, and I was no closer to earning the devotion that existed between us. I didn’t understand why she was in love with me. I never would. Nothing she had said was untrue. I was the one who was an asshole. “Rinoa…baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…are you okay?”

“I don’t know, am I?” I didn’t like the distance in her voice, and I had no idea how to fix it. I didn’t even really know why I had yelled at her. The negative emotions were piling up and I was just _so_ incredibly angry. Angry that my daughter was raped, angry that our country was involved in another war, angry that I couldn’t seem to keep the grandchild I hadn’t even thought I wanted safe. I wasn’t coping, but that wasn’t an excuse. I knew that.

“I’ve been a jerk, I know that. I’m just…Rinoa…I can’t do this…” My voice caught in my throat and she responded before I could finish my sentence.

“Our daughter might lose her first child any second now, and I just found out I’m pregnant with a child we had no business trying for at this point in our lives, but sure, okay, _you_ are the one who can’t handle it.” I was stunned for a moment, unable to process the news she’d just slapped me with as I watched her bury her face into her hands. “If you can’t do this anymore fine, just leave. I’ll handle it all on my own.”

Pure fear wiped all thought of the new family member from my mind momentarily and I sank to my knees near her bedside. _No, not that. I didn’t mean it like that. Please don’t leave me._ “R-Rinoa…R-Rin…” The sob that tore from me must have startled her, because her eyes widened with alarm as my body trembled violently. Somewhere inside of me I knew she hadn’t meant that, but the terror and insecurity that came with allowing myself to love her dissolved every ounce of my composure. “P-Please…you’re…I can’t be without you.”

Understanding washed over her features and she sighed like she wanted to be annoyed but had lost the strength. “Squall, I’m not leaving. For better or worse you are my husband, but if you can’t be without me, then act like it. I won’t be yelled at. Okay?”

“I didn’t mean that I couldn’t d-do _this_ ,” I bleated pitifully, gesturing between us with a shaky hand. “I meant…our baby, my baby…she—”

“Is going to be fine.” Rinoa’s voice softened a little, and I sniffled as she leaned over the railing to take my face in her hands. “She made a judgment call, and it was a poor one. She might suffer consequences for it, but it’s outside of our hands now, and there is no sense in being angry with her. If she loses that baby, I think that’s more than punishment enough. We’re not here to make her suffer more, we’re her parents. It’s our job to pick up the pieces and to love her.”

I bit my bottom lip hard and frowned as it split down the middle. I deserved worse. I wanted so badly to take Julia’s place. I wished it were me. I should have never let her work that case, that was what bothered me the most. Not my daughter’s recklessness or even Tatsuki’s…but my own, as her father. “I only ever wanted you and the kids to be safe…and every time I turn around I’ve failed you all.” I was lost in her deep brown eyes for a moment and I hated myself for making her cry. “I’m sorry. I love you…you know that, right?”

“Oh, Squall.” She sighed. Rinoa slid off the gurney and opened her arms wide to me, just as she had when we’d first boarded the Ragnarok all those years ago. She smiled when our eyes met and rocked back on her heels. “I love you too. Come here.” She expected me to resist, but I shot into her arms so hard I almost toppled us both to the ground. I needed her in my arms. I needed the reassurance that she was still real and still mine. “You’ve never failed us. Our family is so safe thanks to you, and so happy. You’re just stressed, and I overreacted. I’m—”

“No.” I whispered. “Please don’t apologize. I won’t ever raise my voice at you or our babies again. Never.” I meant it. I knew I had a temper, and I had done a pretty decent job at saving it for work. I didn’t know what had come over me, but I didn’t like it, and I would’ve rather died than see the love of my life cry because of me. My hands found their way to her middle and I felt her smile against my neck as I rocked her back and forth in my arms. “Speaking of babies…”

Rinoa giggled and I could tell that I was forgiven. That was all I wanted. The ache in my chest subsided a little, and I breathed in the sweet smell of her hair in an attempt at soothing my frazzled nerves. I was nothing without her, I couldn’t have taken her leaving. “Yeah, I guess our little adventure with the shredded contraceptive left us with a little surprise.”

I had hoped it would. I didn’t know what we were going to do with the addition of two infants to our already cramped living space, but I didn’t care. Being a father was the greatest joy of my life. I never would have said no to Rinoa blessing me with another perfect child. “Tell me, then. Am I the proud father of another little girl, or a son?” I knew she could tell. If it was a girl, there was no way she wasn’t a Sorceress, and Rinoa would be able to sense that. If we were ever to have a daughter that somehow didn’t inherit her mother’s powers, I would have been floored. It was a difficult thing to prevent.

“I think it might be a boy.” She admitted with no small amount of excitement. “I don’t sense any magic.” I was ecstatic regardless of the baby’s gender, but a deep pocket of bliss overwhelmed me at the idea that we were having another son. I thought Noctis would be our only.

I squeezed Rinoa with everything I had before pulling back to crush my lips against her own. She squeaked a little in surprise before melting into it and flicking her tongue against my mouth. I groaned a little and relished in the familiar warmth of our mouths intertwined. “I can’t wait to meet him. We…we need to call a contractor, babe.”

“I know, I’ve been thinking about that. We need at least two more bedrooms.” Rinoa’s voice was back to being soft and dreamy. It was easy to forget she had ever been angry with me, and I could feel the wounds scabbing closed as my thoughts lingered on our upcoming baby. Everything was going to be okay. I could breathe. My usual scowl crept across my face and I shrugged at her.

“Might need more than that. We’ve got to put Mercy someplace, and I think Lissa deserves her own room.” I had been thinking about building a stable for the Chocobo for a few weeks now. She was getting too big to live in the house at all, much less cramped up in my eldest’s bedroom.

Rinoa placed a hand on either hip and leaned toward me with a playful leer. “You’re talking full remodel, mister…with Julia as close as she is to delivery?” Julia wasn’t even halfway finished with her pregnancy, but I understood her meaning. Building on to the house was going to take quite a bit of time, time that we didn’t necessarily have. I shrugged.

“The alternative is moving. I know you don’t want to do that.” Julia and Noctis both were born in our house. There were memories there that were irreplaceable. I wasn’t too keen on the idea myself, but I wasn’t unreasonable. If moving was the only way to accommodate our growing family then that was that, but Rinoa was more sentimental than I was. I wanted her to be comfortable with whatever decision we made. “We have the land for it. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

Rinoa waved her hand about dismissively. “We’ll talk about it when we get home. Right now, I’m more concerned about Julie and that little boy. She saved his life.” Pride danced behind my wife’s chocolate eyes and I smiled at her. She wasn’t wrong. Angry as I was that Julia put herself in harms way, if she hadn’t, Alistair Cellar would have died. Our daughter was one hell of a SeeD.

“She did, and I heard what you said. I’ll recant Tatsuki’s suspension…on the condition that you let me knock Julia’s SeeD rank down by a level or two. Fair is fair, protocol was not followed here.” I was trying to be unbiased. Julia and Tatsuki were very close to my heart, and the entire Garden knew that. I couldn’t afford to look like I was making exceptions or excuses for either one of them.

Her eyes rolled so hard I thought they might pop out of her skull as she let out one of those famous Rinoa Leonhart dramatic sighs. I smirked. There was the beautiful woman I married. “Sure, sure, whatever. You know better than I do how to run the Garden. In the meantime, I want us to go talk to Tatsuki, as a family. Someone owes him an apology, and I think it’s time we spoke to him about moving in.”

She was expecting some resistance on my behalf, I could see it in her eyes, but I actually agreed with her. Soichiro had an interest in Trinity, that much was clear, and I felt safer having our entire family under one roof. With Tatsuki stepping into the roll of husband and father, he had all but painted a possible target onto his back. I brought Rinoa’s hand to my lips to kiss before threading my fingers between her own. “Lead the way, Noa.”


	69. Chapter 69

*Julia’s POV*

The day I was discharged from the hospital I was disoriented. I had been in and out of a coma for what felt like forever. I was twenty-five weeks pregnant in the blink of an eye, and I felt robbed of nine whole weeks of my pregnancy. The first coma had lasted two weeks, and I was to be on bedrest afterward for the following seven. I had been allowed to go home maybe a week before my contractions hit suddenly again in the middle of the night, and I was rushed back to Timber Memorial. Trinity was growing healthily but my body was flooded with negative hormones from my injury and the stress it put on my body, and it was inducing contractions I shouldn’t have been having. I spent two more weeks asleep, which was pushing what was medically acceptable, but I was willing to do anything to keep my daughter alive.

I felt blessed that the final four weeks of my stay in Timber Memorial I had been awake and contraction free, and my side had healed completely. Doctor Zabac gave me a clean bill of health and a fresh ultrasound picture of my daughter that morning, whose little profile finally looked like a baby. My blood pressure had been high due to the stress I was under, and it was finally back in a safe range. He had a sneaking suspicion the blood pressure had been the culprit behind my second round of contractions, and now that all my blood work was coming in normal, I was set to have a healthy remainder of my pregnancy.

My family was so excited that morning, although I was a little terrified. The doctor promised me repeatedly that now that my vitals were in a good range, and had been for about a month, the chances of me going into spontaneous labor again were low. My baby was viable now and my womb was unscathed. Trinity was going to be just fine. She had gotten so big, too. My small bump had grown into something enormous, and I couldn’t believe I was already six months pregnant. Trinity almost weighed two pounds and her movements were more than just flutters. She was finally kicking me.

Tatsuki was over the moon about the kicking, and he had hardly left my bedside since he’d first felt his little girl move from within me. He was with me that morning, before my parents arrived, and I was still laying in the bed. It was early yet, and the nurses hadn’t given me the okay to start changing into regular clothes. He had been giving me updates on what all I had missed, while simultaneously drumming his fingers along my belly to play with Trinity. “Your parents haven’t said anything, because they didn’t want to worry you…but you know how your mom is pregnant?”

My forehead creased with worry, but he’d said it so casually that I couldn’t imagine anything was wrong with the baby. “Is he okay?”

“Oh, he’s perfect. It’s just that uh…Nettie found out she was pregnant shortly after. As you can imagine, everyone’s been a little upset…but you’re going to be an aunt! She’s keeping the baby.” I burst into tearful laughter just imagining the look on my father’s face, and I was so happy that I hadn’t witnessed the rage I was sure had poured out of him. My brother was going to be a father? Yevon help that sweet child.

“That’s…well, I have a feeling we will be raising two children then, my love.”

Tatsuki laughed a sweet chime of a laugh and I was so grateful for the joy that lit his face. I knew he’d been so worried the past nine weeks that I’d been stuck in there and he was beside himself that I got to come home. His jet-black bangs had gotten shaggy and I tucked them behind his ears as I struggled to sit up and rub my nose against his own. “I’m more than okay with that. I’m just ready to get my little ladies’ home. I think you’re going to be surprised.”

I rose my thick eyebrows at him and wiggled them with curiosity. His expression was smug, and I had a feeling he had done something to my bedroom while I was out of commission. Tatsuki had been working so hard to make sure I didn’t feel guilty about putting our daughter in danger to save Alistair Cellar. I hated myself for the stress I put on her, and yet, I didn’t regret what I did. A little boy was alive because of me, and that mattered. I was done blaming myself for things outside of my control. I wanted to live a happy life with Tatsuki. “Oh? Do tell.”

“Guess who has a live-in fiancée now?” Tatsuki propped himself up on his elbows and curled his hands under his chin. His dark brown eyes were almost black, and they oozed pure affection as he waited for my reaction.

I blinked stupidly at him for a moment, unable to process the implication that my father had allowed my soon-to-be husband to move into my bedroom. The same father who wouldn’t let me shut the door with my own brother in the room. “You…you moved in to our house?” His smile was so radiant that it bathed me entirely in bliss and I was swept up in the emotion. I slid from the bed and cupped both my hands under my swollen belly as I anticipated the bear hug I knew was coming.

Tatsuki stood and pulled me as tightly against him as he could. Trinity was in the way now and he struggled to press his forehead against my own. A small chuckle shook his chest and I could have lived in that sound forever. “It’s the first step toward forever. The next comes when we get home.”

That sounded promising, and I was hoping he was implying that he was ready to make love. I was almost in my third trimester and my hormones had not slowed down. I would have made a comment, but a nurse walked in to tell me I was ready to go. Tatsuki was practically vibrating with happiness as he handed me a duffle bag full of clothes and I pranced off to the small hospital bathroom to peel myself out of the paper white gown. I wasn’t used to being so top heavy and I felt like I was already waddling. I couldn’t imagine was nine months pregnant was going to look like.

I sighed, but I smiled at myself in the dirty bathroom mirror. My hair had grown to my shoulders and my daughter was like a basketball nestled under my breasts. Most women were upset to gain weight during pregnancy, I knew my mother had been, but I was so just happy to see her growing. I didn’t care that my boobs now sagged with the weight that would be supporting milk in a few weeks, or that I was littered with stretchmarks. I felt more beautiful than I ever had. Trinity was changing my body in all the positive ways Soichiro had attempted to destroy. “Hello in there. Thank you, for choosing to stay. Mommy loves you so much.”

I could feel Trinity wiggling at the sound of my voice and my smile broadened as I struggled to hoist myself into a pair of jeans. Mom had gone out and bought me some maternity pants, but I had to wonder what size they were as I shimmied them up my thighs. The stretchy dark blue pouch at the top was the only accommodating piece of the fabric, and I wondered how many sizes I had gone up since I had been off my feet.

Tatsuki rapped gently on the door and I prayed he couldn’t hear me huffing and puffing through the walls. “Are you alright in there, sweetheart?”

Honestly, I wasn’t so sure, and I laughed. “Come in here and look at this.” Tatsuki pulled the door back slowly and I arched my back to pooch my heavily pregnant tummy out at him. It was swallowed by the stretchy material, but my legs were packaged inside the jeans like sardines and I couldn’t take any of it seriously. “Isn’t it sexy?”

Tatsuki’s face turned bright red and he doubled over laughing as he reached for the puke green bag that held the rest of my clothes. “B-Babe, you’re always beautiful, but don’t p-pose like—hahaha!” His words sputtered off as I continued to make it worse, playfully yanking the jeans up over my bare breasts.

“It’s ridiculous!! There is so much room up here at the top…but my legs…” I tried to crouch for emphasis at how tight the pants really were when I heard a loud tear and Tatsuki and I both clutched at the wall as our sides split. I had effectively ripped the crotch out of the jeans and my fiancées face was dark purple as we both struggled to breathe. “T…I need you to close the door back! I’m gonna—hahahaha I’m gonna pee, close the door!”

Tatsuki did as I asked, but I could still hear him howling as I plopped down on the toilet to take care of my constantly full bladder. “Please tell me Mom packed more than one change of clothes in here?” I was  _ not  _ walking out of Timber Memorial with a gaping hole in my pants. I knew the answer when he refused to respond, and I groaned as I peered inside the ugly bag. She’d packed me one pair of jeans and a light pink shirt that looked like a tent. Great. “Um baby…can I wear your jacket?”

I could still hear him laughing as I flushed and pulled myself back into the shredded material, but his eyes were doting on me as I struggled to walk back out of the cramped restroom. “Of course, my lovie. Here.” I didn’t bother with the shirt or a bra, allowing Tatsuki to tug his favorite red hoodie on over my head. Tatsuki’s clothes always devoured me because he was so tall, and I was pleased that that was still the case as large as I had gotten. “I’ll carry you out. No one will ever know.”

“Baby, you don’t have to carry me.”

“I want to!” He insisted. “I have something special to show you when we get home. It’ll be better if I carry you, trust me.” I could feel the blush that spread across my face and he grinned at my reaction as he hoisted me into his arms. “You missed your birthday while you were out, don’t think that I forgot.”

That was true. It was pushing the end of July now, and I had missed my birthday on the fourteenth as well as my brother’s seventeenth birthday in June. There had been so much going on that I hadn’t felt much like celebrating my twenty-third birthday. Mom and Dad had brought me gifts, mostly things I needed for the baby, though I missed the joint celebration I usually shared with my little sister. Yuna-Rose had surprised us all when she’d been born on my birthday. July fourteenth must have been special date somewhere in our family history. It was sad, though. Momma’s birthday had been March third, and she hadn’t felt like celebrating either, thanks to my assault. 2023 couldn’t have been more awful. I was going to have to make sure Daddy had an excellent birthday in August. 

Tatsuki sensed the shift in my mood and he pressed a gentle kiss to the side of my face. “Don’t go getting all sad on me. You’re going to want to remember today fondly.” I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but I trusted him, and I smiled as I buried my face into the swell of his chest. 

“I remember any day spent with you fondly, T.” 


	70. Chapter 70

I knew something was up the moment Tatsuki carried me into our bedroom. His stuff was now haphazardly strewn about the place, which made me smile, but what was curious was what was laying in the center of what was now our bed. My father’s original SeeD uniform, the one he had worn to his Balamb Garden graduation and the one he had married my mother in, was ready and waiting for someone to slip inside of it. Tatsuki sat me on my feet and I reached for the old uniform jacket delicately. I recognized the gold trim and red cuffs immediately, but something was different about the dark blue fabric of the shoulder pads.

I had always thought Balamb’s uniform was navy, like ours, but now that I was close to it, I realized it was black. The shoulders were the only blue part of the long jacket and I ran my fingers across the embroidery that I never remembered being there. Roses and Yuna flowers were etched in a fine black pattern that matched the rest of the uniform and the belt that used to rest around the middle had been replaced with a loose red sash, also adorned with black flowers. “Your father and I thought the belt would restrict the baby…so…we improvised.”

I didn’t understand. Why was I going to be wearing it? Why had my father let anyone ruin such a precious memory with a feminine design? It was no secret that I was a girly girl, but I didn’t see any reason why my father would desecrate his clothes for me. “I can’t…wear this. I already ruined mom’s dress from the SeeD ball. I know my own uniform is snug, but he could have just ordered me another—”

Tatsuki sighed and chucked a little as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. Trinity jammed her little feet against his hands, and he rubbed her tenderly as he pressed a gentle kiss to the crook of my neck. “This isn’t for every day. You’ll see. Humor him, will you? This was your dad’s idea. He thought you would like the flowers. We didn’t want to get a dress without your input, in case you didn’t like it. I promise you, though, we can redo it in the most expensive fluffiest dress you can find, later. Even if it’s just for pictures.” I misunderstood what he meant, and I turned around in his arms to beam at him. I looked up from underneath my eyelashes and his expression was so soft as I took his face in my hands.

“We are doing maternity pictures? I’ve always wanted to do that!” He laughed at my excitement, but he didn’t correct me. Tatsuki kissed the tip of my nose and tugged at the hem of his sweatshirt to help me pull it off over my head.

“You get dressed, I’ve got to get changed too. Meet me downstairs, and then we’ll head to Garden.” I was surprised we were doing it at the Garden, but giddy just the same. As much as I wished I was going to be wearing one of those beautiful flowing dresses for my first ever maternity pictures, I was excited to have the bonding opportunity with my father. It was so sweet that it was his idea, and I was surprised that he’d fallen head over heels in love with my daughter. I had been so frightened he was never going to understand how badly I wanted her.

I slid into the uniform and tied the sash around my belly to keep the jacket from popping open. I was almost afraid to move. I didn’t want to destroy the last memory my parents would have of his inauguration. My heart was still broken over mom’s beautiful white dress, stained with my blood and tattered as it laid in a landfill somewhere now. I couldn’t let it happen to Daddy’s uniform. Trinity and I were going to take special care of it. “We have to take so many pictures with your Papa, to thank him. He’s going to be so proud.”

I stared at myself in the mirror for a long moment as I braided my hair back into a low bun. Dad’s uniform trousers would have normally fallen off of me, but they weren’t too long after I hoisted them up and over my bump. Trinity filled out the jacket pretty well too, and I had to admit that pregnancy was looking good on me. I didn’t want it to end. I reached inside my shirt and pulled Papa’s wedding ring out so it would be visible on my necklace. I wanted my love for him to show in the pictures too. A piece of Daddy and a piece of Papa. I strapped the Lion Heart to my hip and I had never looked more like a SeeD in that moment. I looked like my father.

I heard Tatsuki reenter the room and his breath hitched in the back of his throat as I turned toward him. “Sexier than the mom jeans, right?” I teased. I added the final bobby pin to the back of my hair and Tatsuki pulled me against him so tight I couldn’t tell where mine stopped and his started. He was wearing his own SeeD uniform, the one saved for special occasions, and I admired the silvery white color that bordered the sleeves and shoulders. In terms of color our uniform was much simpler than Balamb’s, but I thought ours were more beautiful. Momma had designed them herself.

“You look so beautiful.” Tatsuki kissed me hard and I was stunned for a moment before I melted into the embrace. His lips pressed intensely against my own and I almost felt like I was going to split in half as he pressed me firmly against our bedroom wall. Trinity stretched the length of her body against her father, as if to kick him off us, and I laughed as he pitifully trailed his desperate kisses to a stop. “Sorry Trin…Daddy got carried away.”

“I knew it!” I jumped up as best I could with my new weight and leaned toward my fiancée playfully. “I knew it was sexier than the mom jeans.” Tatsuki’s laughter was so sweet and he nuzzled his face against my neck as he whispered in my ear.

“Anything is gorgeous on you. Anything. Come on, we’re going to be late.” I nodded and started toward the door, but Tatsuki scooped me into his arms, cradling me against his chest as I let out a small whine. He was going to mess up my hair. “You think I’m letting my pregnant wife walk when she just got off bedrest? I don’t think so.”

I rolled my eyes and scrunched up my nose at him, though I knew he couldn’t see my face. “I’m not your wife _yet_ mister! That could always change.” I teased. I knew he knew better than to take me seriously and he snickered as he bounded down the stairs and out onto the cobblestone streets of Aria North. He locked the door behind us and started off toward the Garden, which was maybe a mile down the road at most.

“Speak now or forever hold your peace, my love. You’ll be a Mamoru soon enough.”

I couldn’t help the small squeal that rose in my throat, but I could tell it made him happy, and he exuded pure joy as he bounded toward our destination. By the time we made it there I was glad I hadn’t walked. It was getting hot and my makeup was threatening to sweat off my face as Tatsuki sat me back on my feet and held the door open for me. It was July 20th, and the midday sun was unforgiving clad toe to toe in uniform. I shivered as the lobby’s cold air beat at my sweaty body and I reached for Tatsuki’s hand as we started to walk around the fountain. “Where exactly are we going?”

The fountain was one of my favorite parts of the garden’s structure. When I was a small child I had liked to toss Gil inside, wishing that the PuPu would come for a visit. Daddy would hold my hand and tell me that he’d seen it with his own eyes just once before, and it had asked for an elixir. When I asked him how much an elixir cost, he would jokingly tell me it cost one Gil for every time I had asked him that question, so I counted. I would save up my allowance all week and dump it into the fountain on Sunday’s.

The water still shimmered orange with old Gil and I wondered as we passed by just how much money my father had let me waste. He had thought it was cute, and Gil wasn’t really something our family had ever worried about. Tatsuki’s voice cut through the memory as we bordered the elevator and I blinked hard in an attempt at welcoming myself back to reality. “We’re going to the ballroom.”

Huh? “Why are we taking maternity pictures in the ballroom? Wouldn’t it be prettier outside in the Quad?” Timber Garden’s ballroom was exquisitely beautiful, but it wasn’t the homey backdrop that usually accompanied an upcoming birth announcement. Anyone with eyes could see that I was very pregnant, but we hadn’t officially told anyone when I was due or what the name or gender would be. I assumed maternity pictures were the perfect opportunity to do so.

“This isn’t a maternity shoot, Julie. I think you’ll like this a little better.”

Now I was confused. He had mentioned my birthday when we were in the hospital; maybe it was a surprise party? That would have explained why he was being so cagey about it, and I narrowed my eyes at him playfully. “What have you got up your sleeve?” I found it hard to believe my dad would have had his uniform altered just for my belated birthday. Something else was going on here, something more than that. A baby shower, maybe?

Tatsuki didn’t answer me, because of course he didn’t, but the shit eating grin on his face was full of love and mischief in equal measure. It wasn’t often I saw him so excited about something and his mood was infectious. The ballroom was off to the side of the building, wrapped around a spiral staircase that shot off from the side of the second-floor hallway. I could hear the buzz of people chattering as we approached the double doors and I raised an eyebrow at my fiancée. He curled his body around me and nipped at the shell of my ear. “Why don’t you open the doors…Mrs. Mamoru.” The low, gravely tone his voice dropped to sent a shiver down my spine and my heart was hammering in my ears as I pushed with all my body weight to throw the thick heavy white doors open.

Our entire family was packed into the ballroom along with several of our friends from around Garden. The gentle chime of Grandma Julia’s “Waltz for the Moon” tinkled through the air and soft pink rose petals lined a path to a large white archway in the center of the dancefloor. My father stood at attention on one end, matching Tatsuki in his finest Garden Uniform, and a man I assumed was a priest stood on the other with a thick book open in his wrinkled hands. Daddy winked at me as a huge smirk crossed his face and I spun around to stare at Tatsuki. “…T…”

Tatsuki pressed a finger lightly to my lips and hushed me as tears immediately began to roll down my cheeks. The crowd quieted and I could hear my father’s boots approaching slowly as I craned my neck to look back at him. Daddy looked so handsome and his light grey eyes were shining with unshed tears as he reached for my hand. “May I walk my daughter down the aisle?”


	71. Chapter 71

Tatsuki snuck around me to take his place at the altar and I all but leapt into my father’s arms. I couldn’t believe he and Tatsuki had planned all of this by themselves while I was in the hospital. “D-Daddy…”

“Shh. Look at my little SeeD. I am so proud of the woman you’ve grown into.” Dad whispered it, unwilling for anyone else to hear, but that was okay. My heart was aching with joy and I clung to him for a moment longer before glancing around at all the guests. Two lines had formed on either side of the altar, and I assumed each made up one half of the wedding party. The line beside Tatsuki was small. It was comprised of my brother and Uncle Zell, and I assumed my father would take his place there after he walked me down the aisle. Uncle Zell was looking spiffy in his SeeD uniform, but my brother was wearing a white button down with a pink bowtie. It made me laugh.

My side was much larger, and I assumed that was because Tatsuki was a very private person. It wasn’t that he didn’t have friends outside of me, that wasn’t true, but there weren’t many people he considered himself close to. At all. That was entirely by design. He had focused so hard on his studies in order to graduate a year early, with me, and that drive was a huge part of why he already held the rank of SeeD Commander. There were seven amazing women lined up to be my bridesmaids. I assumed Tatsuki had asked Larxine and my mother to be my maid and matron of honor, because their dresses were a lovely shade of mint green while the rest of the women were in light pink gowns.

Lissa, Felicia, Hina, Quistis, and Garnet were lined up in the prettiest row of pink tulle and rose bouquets right behind Momma and Larxy, who looked so proud to be chosen for places of honor. They both had a crown of delicate yellow Yuna flowers entwined in their hair. They moved from their place in line and stretched their palms out in front of me. Mom smiled. “Normally it would be our job to carry your train, but you don’t have one…so…we’re asking for the Lion Heart, instead. I know it’s important to you and your father. Let us display it.” She said softly.

I glanced up at my father for permission, as if I were still a little girl, and he laughed at me as he gently nudged his elbow into my side. “It’s yours now. It’s been yours for six years now. Go on.” I slid the gunblade from its holster and placed it gently in their outstretched hands. They carried it back to the line like it was made of solid gold and held it out for everyone to see as my father looped his arm within my own. “You ready for your Knight, Bean?”

I half laughed half cried as I leaned my head over on my father’s shoulder. “I’ve always been ready for him.”

Dad’s voice sounded like it was caught in his throat and he coughed a little before swiping at a stray tear that drizzled from the corner of his eye. “I know you have, baby. I know.” He squeezed my arm tightly and we were both barely glued together as we started our slow walk down the aisle. There were so many friendly faces in the crowd. I could see Uncle Seifer and Vivi, Aunt Marnie and Uncle Terra, their kids, the Dincht triplets, Uncle Raijin, Kazane and Mizuki. Even Selphie, Irvine, Rikku, and Jacob had flown in from Balamb. I could see Autumn sulking in the background, but for once, I ignored her. I was getting married. The day belonged to Tatsuki and I and no one else.

Tatsuki looked so handsome standing there with his hands clasped politely in front of him. His perfect dark eyes were puffy with emotion and his sweet, pink lips were curled into the tenderest smile. I couldn’t believe I got to spend the rest of my life with my closest companion. He had been by my side for almost as long as I could remember. Now he would be forever. The world around us seemed to slow to a stop and for a precious moment, every ounce of our surroundings faded away. We were someplace in between, a place where only our love existed. I had waited so long for him. I could feel Daddy’s tight grip on me, like he was afraid I might disappear, and I stole a glance at him as we finally reached the altar. He looked overjoyed and heartbroken in the same moment and I stood on my tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Who gives this young woman way?” Asked the old priest, who smiled in away that seemed to light the ballroom. He reminded me of Papa. His long violet robes brushed the ground and his old knobby hands fiddled with the Sphere of Yevon as he glanced down at the holy text.

“I do.” My father reluctantly let go of me, but there was a small twinkle in those grey eyes as he pressed a final kiss to the center of my forehead. “But I will always be your Dad, Juli-Bean. You always have a home with me.”

My lips quivered violently but he took my chin in his hand and mouthed ‘you’re okay’ before silently taking his place with the other groomsmen. There was a part of me that was sad. I was so ready to be Tatsuki’s wife, but realistically I knew nothing would ever be the same again. I was leaving the nest, so to speak. I was Tatsuki’s family now. I reached for my fiancées hand and the warmth that spread between us soothed me at an instant. This was right where I wanted to be.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Tatsuki Iseul Mamoru and Julia Raine Leonhart before  Yevon , Spira, and all-father Hyne. If any have a reason why these two should not be wed, please speak now, or forever hold your peace.” I half expected Autumn to open her mouth, but my father was glaring so hard at everyone that not so much as a murmur passed through the crowd. I couldn’t stop the sappy grin that rolled across my face and Tatsuki leaned his forehead against my own in anticipation.

I was drowning in those doe eyes and it barely registered in my mind when my little sister came barreling down the aisle with a small pillow. A pair of rose gold wedding bands that matched my engagement ring were nestled in the center and my eyebrows shot up in surprise as the priest knelt to gently take them from the girl. Tatsuki was so special. Not every man would wear rose gold just because it was his wife’s favorite. “ Jooweea !  Yoo bettar give him big  kissies ! These is so  pwetty !” Rosie babbled in that excited barely intelligible way she always did and Tatsuki and I both doubled over with laughter.

“Oh, he’ll get his kiss, don’t you worry baby.” I ruffled the child’s dark brown hair and she giggled happily as she skipped back to play with the basket of flowers looped around her little wrist. We each were handed a ring and the priest smiled at me first with a slight nod of his silver head. He asked me to repeat after him, and I took a deep breath to steady my emotions. “I, Julia Raine Leonhart, do solemnly swear to take Tatsuki Iseul Mamoru as my lawfully wedded husband. To love and to cherish, as Sorceress and Knight, all the days of my life.” I slid the wedding band onto the third finger of his left hand and his body began to tremble with tight sobs.

Tatsuki couldn’t look at me. I heard his mother whisper ‘oh, baby’ from behind me and he took a moment to recompose himself as he wiped at his bloodshot eyes. I very gently ebbed the tears from his cheek with the back of my hand and fought the urge to kiss him as I pressed our noses together. He was so happy, and I could have lived in that joy for the rest of my life. “I, Tatsuki Iseul Mamoru, do solemnly swear to take Julia Raine Leonhart as my lawfully wedded wife. To love and to cherish, as Sorceress and Knight, all the days of my life.” He reached for my engagement ring, sliding it off to slip the wedding band beneath it before placing it back on my finger. 

“By the power vested in me by the city of Aria North and the great country of Timber I hereby pronounce you Mr. And Mrs. Tatsuki Mamoru. You may kiss your bride.” The priest exclaimed, clapping Tatsuki on the back as his body fell forward into the curve of my lips. I could hear our mother’s crying and the ballroom erupted with applause.  Yuna -Rose screeched ‘bubbles, Mommy! Bubbles!’ and the sticky wet feeling of soap popping on my skin tickled me as I giggled into my new husband’s mouth.

The euphoria was surreal, knowing my little girl would come into this world a Mamoru, and that we would spend the rest of our lives wholly and truly loved. Tatsuki gripped me tightly as the marriage certificate was placed in his hands and jovial laughter rolled out of him as he neatly signed his name. I had been thinking about it for a long time, and when it was my turn, I signed Julia Raine Mamoru-Leonhart into being my legal name. I was ecstatic to be Mrs. Mamoru, but I wasn’t going to dare leave my family behind either. Leonhart was a name that was important to me. 

I was lost in those thoughts when Tatsuki dipped me back suddenly and I let out a happy squeal as his lips pressed firmly against my own once more. A small body pressed against me as I was reclined backward, and I realized it was my little sister, cute as ever, nuzzling her entire face into my belly. “Wittle sis-sis  gots a Daddy now too! Like me!” Rosie didn’t understand that she was going to be the baby’s aunt, she had taken to calling her sis-sis and Tatsuki thought it was the sweetest thing in the world. 

When Tatsuki’s tongue unraveled from my own I let out a small whine and he grinned down at my sister as he rested his hand atop her head. “She sure does. And you know what? I’m  gonna take such good care of both your sissies.”

“ Yoo pinkie promise?”

Tatsuki wrapped his littlest finger around the girls own and winked at her. “Cross my heart.” 

Momma decided to step in, kneeling to scoop  Yuna -Rose up into her arms. “Now  Yuna , leave them alone, okay?  Tonight is special, come dance with me and Daddy!” Her big grey eyes went wide as saucers and she flailed her tiny arms about in anticipation. She loved to dance with our father. He would put her on his feet, just as he had with me when I was her age. 

“Speaking of dancing...” Tatsuki whispered. “May I have this dance, Mrs. Mamoru?” I caught my Aunts Selphie and  Quistis snickering to one another as they dimmed the ballroom lights and Tatsuki’s fingers slipped between my own as he twirled me around and pulled me tight against the swell of his chest. Twirling didn’t look so fancy when you weren’t wearing a dress, and I snorted as I buried my face into the crook of his neck. 

_ Would you dance? If I asked you to dance? Would you run and never look back? Would you cry if you saw me crying? Would you save my soul tonight? _

“Of course.” I whispered back. The beat of his heart echoed softly in my ears and I closed my eyes as the gentle piano and guitar swept through the air. “Tatsuki...just...stay close to me.” We swayed together in perfect harmony, completely enraptured with the closeness of our first married moments together. I had never in my life felt such pure joy. Trinity kicked her father needily in his abdomen and the soft doting groan that passed his lips melted my insides. He was going to be so good to her. 

“Trinity...” He whispered; his voice so low I barely heard it over the gentle croon of the music around us. “I haven’t forgotten you in there. My vows were for you, too. From here on out, the rest of my life is devoted to you. I promise.”


	72. Chapter 72

My mother and father had been kind enough to pay for Tatsuki and I to spend a week at the Timber Hotel for our honeymoon. We couldn’t go far with everything that was going on, it wasn’t safe, but we were thrilled to have an entire week to ourselves regardless. Tatsuki carried me over the threshold of our hotel room and flung our bags nowhere in particular as he laid me very gently in the center of the large grey and white bed adjacent to an enormous bathroom. I was already vibrating with excitement. It was our wedding night, sex was expected, right? He shrugged out of his uniform jacket and wandered off to grab for a fancy looking bottle on ice that had been left on the small kitchenette space in the back of the room by the staff. 

“I asked them for sparkling grape juice instead of champagne, since we brought our daughter with us.” He teased, as if bringing Trinity was even an option while she was tucked safely away inside of my womb. 

I struggled to prop myself up and wondered how much bigger this baby could possibly get. There were pictures of my mother on our mantlepiece at home when she was close to delivery with me, and I was already almost bigger than her at my halfway point. I grunted. “I don’t want grapes, T. I’m craving something a little...spicier.” He chuckled and twisted the lid off as he poured us each a small glass. He tore his shirt off over his head and discarded it before carrying the bubbly liquid to the night stand so I could reach it if I wanted. My eyes raked over his lean, muscular chest and I smirked. “Thank you for surprising me, Tatsuki. Our wedding was...it was more than I ever could have imagined.” 

“I wanted my wife to be happy. Seeing the look on your face...it gave me so much purpose. I’ve wanted to marry you my entire life, and now I have. I can hardly believe it.” He admitted softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed. I couldn’t believe it either. So much had changed in six short months, and none of that would be slowing down as we swiftly approached parenthood. “I want to...listen, I want to try something tonight, if that’s okay? Like sex...just, a little different, until we’re comfortable going all the way. I want to show you how much I love your body.” 

Like sex...but different? I didn’t understand what he meant, but I was curious. I wanted out of Daddy’s uniform, before I accidentally ruined it, and I worked to untie the sash as Tatsuki absentmindedly stroked and squeezed my swollen feet. “I’m just excited for my first night as your wife. I’m ready for anything.” I peeled myself out of dad’s jacket and my heart felt like it might burst as an elated smile graced my husband’s features. I jumped the gun a little, rolling my blouse up and over my head and exposing my large belly. 

Tatsuki’s eyes were like crescent moons, curved and warm and beautiful as they drank me in and I blushed a little bit at the intensity of his gaze. He put his hands on either side of my tummy and a soft smile ghosted across his face as his fingers trailed along the vibrant purple stripes that now swirled around my popped-out navel. “Wow,” He whispered. “She’s really growing in there, huh?” I had to laugh at that. She was getting so big I was almost a little worried. 

“She’ll be a big girl, I think. I don’t mind it. I just want her to be healthy.” 

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Warmth spread through my chest at his words and he peppered my stomach with tender kisses as his hands slowly crept toward my breasts. He squeezed on them a little and I let out a small sigh. “May I take your bra off? Is that okay?” I nodded and Tatsuki fumbled a bit with the clasp as he tore the useless fabric off and discarded it. My breasts had quickly gone from a B cup to pushing DD’s and they spilled out onto my belly with a pathetic plop that almost made me laugh. I wasn’t used to having such enormous boobs, and I prayed they would shrink back down a little once I quit nursing. 

A little yellow trickle of colostrum leaked from one of my nipples for the first time, and Tatsuki very gently wiped it away with the corner of the hotel comforter. “I think your milk came in.” He observed sweetly. “That’s a blessing. I can’t believe I got to see it.” There was a quiet wonder in his voice that touched me, and he was turning me on without trying. His soul was so sweet and gentle and pure and there was nothing in all of Gaia sexier than a man who loved with his entire being. 

“I want you inside of me.” I breathed. “Please.” 

Tatsuki shook his head. “I think I would rather wait just a little longer, if that’s alright. I know you think you’re ready, but the last thing I want to do is hurt you. This first. If we can do this, and you like it, then I promise, the very next time we make love, we’ll go all the way.” 

I sighed dramatically and rolled my eyes, though I couldn’t help the excited grin that broke across my face. “I’ll hold you to that, husband.” 

“Oh, I know you will, _wifey_.” Tatsuki teased with a soft chuckle. He tugged my trousers down my hips and barely touched my vulva through my underwear, at first. I gasped and he pulled back immediately. “I’m s-sorry--” 

I shook my head no and reached for his hand, placing his fingers firmly against my sex. “No, that was a good reaction. More...please?” I half begged, rolling my eyes back into my skull as his fingers massaged at my clitoris through my panties. I had never had anyone but me rub my clit before and I rocked into his touch as I looped my fingers through his belt loops and tugged them down. He was half hard in his boxers and I salivated as a small blush tinted his cheeks. 

“Do you...um...would you like to see it?” 

Excitement tore through my middle and I nodded. He looked so shy for a moment and his dark eyelashes dusted his cheeks as he looked down and took a deep breath. He had never shown this part of himself to another person before. He rolled his boxers down his thighs and his erection sprung up to whack against his abs. My surprise at his length was audible and I was a touch embarrassed by the lust that shone plain as day on my face. He was bigger than Soichiro had been, from what I could remember, and a pit of nervousness suddenly gnawed at my insides. I thought Ichi had been big. 

That being said, it was a handsome penis if I had ever seen one. The head was round and pink, like it was blushing as badly as Tatsuki, and two thick veins ran along the bottom of his shaft. It had a slight curve to it, and I wanted to play with it so badly as he gingerly rubbed it along my covered vulva. I felt my folds part naturally with arousal and he slid between them as we rocked beneath one another. I was excited that his instincts were taking over, and I bucked down to meet his thrusts as I soaked through my panties. “T-Tatsuki...p-please...” I whimpered. 

The friction ignited a fire in my loins and Tatsuki continued to hump me as he threaded his fingers through my own. He leaned forward to love on Trinity, lapping at my inside out bellybutton as he trailed desperate kisses where her feet steadily drummed. The fabric was stuck to me as he ground hard against my sex and I got a little bold as I reached my fingers to slide the pink lace off my vagina. Part of me was scared. He had such a visceral reaction the last time he saw my parts bare, heartbroken at the damage I could no longer see over my large tummy. I was surprised when he let out a long groan and rubbed his cock roughly against my clit. “Y-You’re so lovely.” 

Tatsuki was panting and I could feel his erection growing harder as my legs started to tremble. The feeling of his skin against mine was everything I’d hoped it would be and the electricity was too much to bear. The heat peaked deep within my pelvis and my entire body shuddered as my back arched off the bed. “N-Ngh! T-Taaaaaa!” Liquid squelched from my body and he quickened his pace as he desperately thrust between my folds. “No, s-stop.” I breathed, wanting to make him orgasm myself. Tatsuki pulled away from me immediately and he looked like he was about to cry. I shook my head wildly and struggled to catch my breath. “You didn’t hurt me, baby, I want to make you feel good.” 

I could tell he was confused and I smirked as I reached for his already straining penis. I wanted to be the reason he came, I wanted to love on him the way he was loving on me. I curled my tongue around the head and teased the slit as his hips bucked, pushing his member into my mouth. I tilted my head and sucked his cock to the back of my throat. His hands were in my hair instantly and he held my head down softly as a beautiful whine escaped his lips. “J-Julie...I c-can't...ohhhhh right there, p-please.” I bobbed my head a little and my fingers made their way to his balls as I rolled them around in my hand. I glanced up from under my eyelashes to watch him in complete abandon, and I wasn’t disappointed. 

Tatsuki’s face was dark purple and he couldn’t keep his eyes open as he fucked my throat with a force I knew he couldn’t control. I gagged a little and he recoiled a bit, but I shook my head no as I hummed around his shaft contentedly. The vibration did him in. My husband spilled his seed inside of me for the very first time and he pumped it into my mouth with a speed I almost couldn’t keep up with. There was so much of it and it coated my throat and tonsils as he screamed my name. I swallowed it as best I could, laughing a little as I pulled away with my mouth full. “You taste sweet.” I noted, looking down at my hands with a bashful smile. 

“You’re sweeter.” Tatsuki panted. A boyish grin crossed his sweaty face and he couldn’t have looked more charming as he gently pushed me onto my back. “May I please reciprocate? Is that alright?” I wasn’t afraid of my Tatsuki, not for a moment, and I eagerly spread my legs for him. I wiggled my eyebrows and bit my bottom lip in invitation as I reached over my abdomen to lightly slap my pussy. 

I was absolutely drenched and it made a wet noise that we both giggled at. I loved that he was the only person I could one hundred percent be myself around. Tatsuki crawled between my legs and kissed on our baby one more time before burying his face in my crotch. His tongue swirled around my clit and he massaged his fingers gently along both my full and partial labia. I had never felt anything quite like saliva against my sex and sparks of pleasure shot deep into my middle. He gripped my thighs and pulled me closer, lapping happily at the increase of slickness that was pooling between my legs. His tongue dipped inside of me and I threaded my fingers through his hair as a long groan rolled out of me. 

“Tatsuki...ngh...mmm!” I gripped the sheets roughly with my free hand and pushed his face down closer to my skin with the other as I mewled and wriggled underneath him. His tongue was hot inside my cunt, but the wetness of his mouth created a cooling sensation that drove me mad as his fingers made their way back to my clitoris. He pinched the sensitive bundle of nerves between his fingers and I felt a familiar building sensation igniting within my walls. He pulled back just a little and winked at me as he pulled something long and thin from seemingly nowhere. It was rounded and pink and I knew what it was without him telling me. 

“I thought maybe it might help you get used to it? Only if you’re comfortable--” 

I didn’t waste any time tugging on the bottom of the vibrator and turning it to its highest setting. Tatsuki laughed and I was still rocking beneath him with intense need as he rubbed the plastic up and down my thighs. “I-Inside...” I begged. The device was whirring so loud I could hardly think straight and I wasn’t prepared for the overstimulation that flooded my senses as he slipped the vibrator inside of me. My legs began to tremble automatically and when his mouth met my clitoris for the final time I cried out as I yanked his hair back hard at the nape. Searing heat exploded in the heart of my cunt and radiated up into the core of my belly. It was more than my legs, my back was clenched and my toes curled as cum squirted all down my thighs, rolling down his cheeks as his tongue continued its thorough exploration of my folds. 

Tatsuki looked smug when he pulled back, rendered completely breathless and covered in my juices. “I...I really like it when you call my name like that.” His eyes were wide and innocent again and the blush that tinted his cheeks was cute. I laughed and gently wiped at the sides of his face with the corner of the bedsheets. 

“Looks like my boy is a messy eater.” I purred, still drunk on lust as I noticed that he was hard again. “One more time, baby. Let me take care of you.” Tatsuki was expecting me to blow him, I think, because he sat back expectantly, wide eyed and bushy tailed in excitement. I smirked. I was going to do him one better. I slid around to where my ass was in his face and I slid his throbbing cock between my legs. My thighs were strong from years of SeeD training and I slipped them up and down his shaft repeatedly. 

Tatsuki sucked in a sharp breath and he got a little bold as his fingers absently trailed between my legs. My pussy was easily accessible from that position, and I froze when I suddenly felt him ease a finger into me. He didn’t notice, desperately fucking my thighs as he slid a second finger in. Fingering was the one thing that I really didn’t want to do, but I hadn’t set any such boundary with him, and I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I held my breath and prayed I would stay calm as he pumped his digits in and out of me to the pace of his thrusts. 

Soichiro had been casually fingering me right until the moment he brutalized and raped me. I hadn’t been triggered the entire time we were traversing one another's bodies, but that luck had run out. I might have been able to withstand it, had one of his fingernails not grazed the scar tissue at the opening of my vagina. I gasped for air suddenly and my husband had no idea anything was wrong until a high-pitched wail rattled loose from my lungs. “J-Julia? Baby what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” 

I couldn’t answer him, it was all I could do to breathe. All that would come out of me, were the words I had wanted to say when Ichi was destroying me, but couldn't. “T-Tatsuki h-help me!” I sobbed, coiling my pregnant body into the fetal position as I crumpled onto the mattress. The alarm that slammed into him made him flaccid almost immediately and he pulled me into his arms to rock me softly against the beat of his heart. 

“Julie, please tell me what’s happening? Do you need a doctor? D-Did I hurt our baby? Wh-What's going on?” Tatsuki was hysterical and guilt ripped into me as I struggled to find my words. I couldn’t find my voice and I sobbed into the crook of his neck as he poked and prodded at my belly and carefully examined my genitalia for any bleeding. 

I shook my head hard and fought with my asthmatic lungs to gulp in air. “N-Not the fingers, I’m s-s-so sorry, I should have said...n-not the fingers.” Understanding washed over his face and he knew he had accidentally triggered me. 

“Oh, baby...come here. I am so so sorry, I will never touch you like that again, I didn’t--oh Julia.” Tatsuki pulled all the blankets off the bed and swaddled me in them as he pressed a kiss to my temple and continued to rock me. “Is there anything I can do? Run you a bath, make you some food or some tea?” 

“Just hold me, p-please. Don’t ever let me g-go, don’t let him---” I started to hyperventilate a little and thick tears streamed down Tatsuki’s cheeks as she shushed me. 

“He will never touch you again, you hear me? Don’t you even worry about that. I’m right here, I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.” 


	73. Chapter 73

It happened again that night, no doubt triggered by the panic attack I had suffered mere hours before. It had been such a long time since I’d had a night terror that for a moment, I didn’t know I was dreaming. I was back in my mother’s SeeD ball dress, sprawled out on Soichiro’s soft downy bed. My belly was still there, however, just as big and round and full of life as it was in the present. Mom’s dress stretched across it too thin, like it might burst at any moment, and I moaned Tatsuki’s name loudly as Soichiro slipped his fingers inside of me.

The darkness in his eyes, the bitter cold that I would never forget no matter how hard I tried flickered across his expression. It would have been then that he jammed his length completely inside of me, tearing through my most sensitive area like it meant nothing. Like I meant nothing. That didn’t happen this time. His hands gripped my abdomen roughly and he trailed the knife he pulled from his boot along the dark line that ran through my navel. “Tatsuki won’t take her from me. If I can’t have her, no one will, understand?”

I struggled to push him off me but my limbs were heavy and I cried out as the sharp familiar cramp of on coming labor wrapped around my tummy. A hideous laugh bounced from Soichiro’s large chest and he lined the knife up with my entrance as he leaned in close to my ear. “Oh, is it time? Well. Let me give our daughter a warm welcome to our family.” He plunged the knife inside of me deep and I gurgled out a weak ‘no’ as I felt the blade sink into both my sex and my daughter’s head.

The sinister chuckles vibrated the bed and they only got louder as he whispered in my ear. “You look just like your mother. Too bad she didn’t have to die instead of mine, you selfish whore.” There is was. I finally remembered the entire sentence. He had…everything he had done to me suddenly made more sense. I tried to scream. I tried to tell him I never asked Xu to give her life for me, but it was too late. Trinity’s lifeless body slid out of me and Soichiro scooped her into his arms with a dead, lifeless expression. “Happy birthday, Xu. Your grandmother will take good care of you.” He twisted the baby’s neck unnaturally and I sobbed for my little girl as my body suddenly shot forward with wakefulness.

“That’s not her name! That’s not her name!” I screeched, trembling violently as I heard Tatsuki frantically fumble around for the lamp on the bedside table. My arms were coiled tightly around my belly and I was starting to wheeze with what I knew was the beginnings of an asthma attack.

My husband shot from our bed and nearly tripped over his feet as he jerked my inhaler from the pocket of his trousers, which were still laying in a heap of wedding clothes on the floor. He curled up next to me and rubbed soothing circles long my back as he brought the medicine up to my lips. I inhaled as deeply as I could, and I started to calm a little as I felt my daughter kick me hard. She was alive. She was okay. I felt a little panicked flutter on the other side of my belly from where she was laying, and I pressed my hand against it gently. Was that her arm?

I felt Trinity’s elbow stretch out a little as she kicked me again, but the fluttering on my right side continued. It didn’t feel like my daughter, it felt like quickening. I was confused and I shook my head to clear it as Tatsuki pulled my hair back away from my face. I was clutching my stomach hard and I could tell Tatsuki was two seconds from rushing me to the hospital. “Julie, look at me, what’s wrong with our daughter? Did I hurt you? This is my f-fault—”

I shook my head and took a deep breath to steady my emotions as I took my husband’s face into my hands. “Tatsuki l-look at me, you didn’t do this. This is just something that happens—” I gasped as the quickening on the other side of my belly became a little firmer, almost like a smaller little weight was trying to press against me.

“I’m calling an ambulance, Trinity isn’t due until the first week of November.” I grabbed hold of Tatsuki’s arm and shook my head.

“I’m not having contractions. I’m…I don’t know what’s happening.” My voice was trembling, and I placed his hands on either side of my distended belly. “Say her name.” Tatsuki cooed gently at Trinity and she brushed up against the left side of my womb, like she always did. He smiled at her, but it fell as quickly as it came. That tiny pressure on my right, I knew he could barely feel it, but he could, and it attempted to stretch as forcibly as its sister did.

He didn’t know what to say. He rubbed on my belly for a moment before returning to rubbing the knots out of my back. Tatsuki’s touch was so gentle and he pressed a tender kiss to my shoulder as he held me there. I was still shaking, and he shushed me so sweetly that I couldn’t help nuzzling my face against the crook of his neck. “You’re alright my love. I’m right here. I’ve got you. I think we should maybe get an ultrasound today, hm? We can take a bath and I’ll make you breakfast, and then we can go get a little peek at our girl?”

“I just had one in the hospital—”

“And I think they need to look again.” Tatsuki said firmly. I knew he was right. If there was even a sliver of a chance there was something else inside my womb, we needed to make sure it wasn’t hurting Trinity. What if there was extra issue in there that shouldn’t be there? What if we had a tape worm? I was young, and inexperienced, and I had no idea what was and wasn’t normal for a pregnancy. I whimpered a little, but I nodded, and he pressed a chaste kiss to the center of my lips. “Hey, it’s okay. This is our first full day as a married couple. We are going to have a wonderful time.” He promised.

I got up and waddled to the bathroom to draw us a bath while Tatsuki fried some bacon up in the kitchen. Trinity and I had been craving it for a while, it was my favorite breakfast food, and I moaned at the smell as steam filled the small bathroom. I liked the water as hot as it would go, and I hoped Tatsuki wouldn’t mind it as I stepped into the bubbly water. “Hurry, I want cuddles!” I could hear my husband laughing at me and I grinned as I sank deeper into the warm water.

Trinity was being super active that morning, and I wondered if the events from the night prior had stirred her up a little. I trailed my fingers along my tummy and my heart ached with affection as her little feet trailed along with me. And yet, there was that other movement again, nuzzling against the wall of my womb on the other side, like it wanted my attention. There was no way that was Trinity. _What…are you?_

“Bacon in the bath?” Tatsuki’s words broke my concentration and my thoughts scattered with the delicious smell of meat. I had been so sensitive to the scent of any kind of cooking meat in the beginning of my pregnancy, and I was so happy that had mostly gone away. I nodded and he slipped inside the water with a mild hiss at the sting of the scalding temperature. I giggled. He stuck a piece of bacon between his lips and leaned forward, chuckling to himself as I grabbed on to the other end with my teeth. “I think you’re cooking our baby in here.”

I rolled my eyes and bit the hunk of savory meat into my mouth. “She’s happy as a clam in here thank you, you’re just a sissy.” I teased. Tatsuki scoffed playfully and splashed bubbles at me, eliciting a happy snort as I dunked down beneath the water to wet my hair. My belly poked out of the water and he kissed it all up and down the middle as I wrapped my legs around his waist and came back up for air. He fed me another strip of bacon and motioned for me to turn around.

I did as he asked, flipping so my back was to him and leaning on his chest as he reached for the small airplane bottle of shampoo on the side of the tub. He lathered the rose scented liquid between his palms and ran it through hair as his fingernails massaged my scalp gently. “Does that feel good?”

“Tatsuki…” I hummed, enjoying the closeness as the mystery presence inside me bumped me once more with their little body. “I am so in love with you.” It didn’t answer his question, but I didn’t care. It was what I felt, and it needed to be said. “I don’t want any of this to end.”

Tatsuki was quiet for a moment. He continued to wash my hair, rinsing the suds with a cup before sitting his chin atop my head. He rubbed his hands up and down my arms soothingly and let out a small sigh. “My baby, it doesn’t ever have to end. Just because we go home, doesn’t mean we aren’t going to love on each other like this. I’ll wash your hair every night if you want, for the rest of our lives, and you wanna know why?”

“Why?” I asked.

Tatsuki reached for my hand and brought it to his lips to kiss as he squeezed my body gently. “Because I’m in love with you too.” I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt and I rolled onto my side so I could get a good look at his face. He was grinning back at me like a loon and I reached to cup his cheek with my hand.

“Why have you always been so perfect? Ugh!” I scoffed dramatically. Tatsuki laughed and I could have stayed in his embrace forever. I grabbed for the shampoo bottle to reciprocate the washing, but he shook his head no at me and sat it back down on the old porcelain. I could tell by the protective way he held my belly that he was worried about our little girl. He was ready to go to the hospital. I grimaced. I hated the hospital. The more I went the more afraid I became that something was going to happen to our baby. That Soichiro was going to happen. What if I went into labor and he took Trinity from the hospital? I wouldn’t be able to keep my eyes on her there. I flinched at my own thoughts and I felt my husband’s body tense with my own.

“I already know you don’t want to. I promise you, this is the last time I’ll ask you to go. I’ve been talking to your dad, and we think maybe we should do a midwife from here on out…to ease your worry a little.” That was relieving and shocking in equal measure. My father hadn’t trusted midwives since the day I was born. My mother had almost lost her life because the midwife they hired to deliver me never showed up. I wondered what had changed his mind, but I didn’t ask as Tatsuki gently patted me on the arm. “Come on, let the water out. We can snuggle more when we get home.”

I knew he was right. Something was going on with my body, something the doctor hadn’t caught before, and that was alarming. Tatsuki was just trying to be a good father. I appreciated that more than he knew. I had never once doubted that he loved my little girl. “Okay, okay. Ultrasound and then nachos.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand, and he laugh so hard I thought his sides might actually split.

“Whatever you say, princess.”


	74. Chapter 74

I felt like I might as well have lived at Timber Memorial by that point, and my mood had soured a little as we pulled into the parking lot. I desperately didn’t want to go inside and Tatsuki squeezed my hand as hard as he could. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you.” I squeezed him back, but I didn’t bother responding. I just wanted to get it over with. He kissed my wedding band and he tried to carry me inside the building, though I wouldn’t allow it. It was cute, but I could walk. I felt like we had done enough carrying on in the public eye already as it was.

We waited an obscene amount of time in the waiting room, since we were a walk in, but when it was finally our turn, I was more than a little nervous. What if something was really wrong with her? All the time that I had been feeling my baby move, I had _never_ felt this other force inside of me before. It was faint, but it was affectionate, like it wanted to play and interact with us the way Trinity did. It was hard to imagine a tape worm behaving that way. Tape worms were not people.

Tears were already rolling down my cheeks as I laid back on the examining table and Tatsuki shushed me gently as he ran his fingers through my hair. This was the first time he was going to be present for a sonogram, and that was the only thing that made it bearable. “So, Miss Leonhart—oh, seems we’ve had a name change! Mrs. Mamoru, my apologies.” I could literally feel Tatsuki swell with pride beside me. It was the first time either of us were hearing that out in public. It was nice. “It looks like Miss Trinity is still doing very well, so what are we in for today?”

I watched as the technician’s face fell suddenly and she squinted a little closer to the screen as she rolled the Doppler device around to the right of our daughter. We saw it before she even said anything, and I could feel the color training from my face as I broke into a cold sweat. The very distinct shape of another child was nestled against their sister, though it didn’t look as developed as she did. The technician stuttered and the nurse that was assisting her swallowed hard as she glanced between my husband and I. “I think twin B must have been hiding behind his sissy…they’re sharing an amniotic sac. That’s very, very rare for male/female twins! Congratulations!”

Male/female…what? We were having a son? I wanted to be happy, I did…but it was hard not to draw the parallels. I was sure I was carrying twins because they ran in Soichiro’s family…and they were identical male and female twins…just like he and Autumn were. What if there was something wrong with them? Tatsuki was overwhelmed and he burst into tears as I struggled to process what was happening. “What’s…what’s wrong with our son?” My tone was flat, and the technician exchanged a worried glance with the nurse. I was supposed to be overjoyed.

“Oh honey, nothing’s wrong with him. Twin B is just measuring smaller than Twin A, so you probably couldn’t feel him. That’s very common with multiples, Twin A is probably soaking up more nutrients than he is because they’re sharing a placenta. His vitals are looking excellent, though. Here.” She explained softly, pressing a monitor to the right side of my belly so we could hear his little heart beating. “See? Healthy as a little horse.”

I wasn’t so sure, but I tried to smile at them as my lips began to quiver. This changed everything. I wasn’t big because Trinity was going to be big or because I was carrying extra amniotic fluid. I was big because I was eating for three. We were underprepared for twins, and they almost always came early, I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t know what to do or what to think and I hiccupped slightly as the glue holding me together completely dissolved.

“How could they have missed him at every ultrasound?” Tatsuki wondered out loud. He pressed a hand to my right side and we could see our unnamed child try his hardest to stick his foot out into his father’s palm. One of Trinity’s hands were coiled around her brother’s own and she headbutted him a little, like she was jealous. That made me smile, at least. She already had a little personality. “Hello in there, little man.” Tatsuki sniffled. “Daddy loves you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t know you were in there. You’re gonna be a shy little bugger, huh?”

Tatsuki’s instantaneous acceptance of the baby was relieving. He had signed up for one child, not two. I slid my hand overtop his and tried my hardest to reign in the harsh sobs peeling from my chest. I loved him, too. I couldn’t look at his tiny silhouette, holding his sister’s hand inside of me, and not fall in love with him. “I’m g-glad he finally decided he wanted to be seen.”

The nurse laughed. “He finally got too big to hide in there. Miss Trinity probably kicked him out from behind her, wiggly as she is.” That was true. My child felt like she was constantly doing aerobics in there.

“Tatsuki…is this okay? Can we…can we have two?” I knew that was just my insecurity talking, but I felt the need to ask anyway. I felt like I’d trapped him somehow. I knew myself better than to think I’d be okay giving either child up for adoption, I wanted to keep my son, but if Tatsuki didn’t want to be a part of that, I would have understood.

He looked genuinely confused by my question. “What do you mean _can_ we have two? We _are_ having two, and I couldn’t be more excited.” That soothed my worry a little as Tatsuki’s hands cradled the right side of my belly protectively. “I’m just…worried about his health, is all. You said Trinity was getting most of the nutrients…” That was directed at the nurse and she glanced down at her watch as if she had some place to be. I fought to swallow a growl. There was no where so pressing that she couldn’t be focused on children.

“I would really rather you spoke to Doctor Zabac about that, but…yes. This pregnancy is now considered high risk. It’s not just rare that male and female twins are identical, but you are part of only one percent of pregnancies where the twins share both a placenta and an amniotic sac. It could be very dangerous if we don’t monitor the situation.” I could see the writing on the wall. My son might not grow properly, he might not live. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done in that moment to prevent it from happening and a deep instinct somewhere inside of me bubbled to the surface.

Suddenly I didn’t want anyone near me. I wanted to crawl in a padded hole with Tatsuki and not move until the babies came. I wiped the goo from the ultrasound off me with my forearm and sat up, wrapping my arms around my little ones as I struggled to steady my breathing. “I-I’ll eat more. I’ll eat twice as much, I’ll take twice as many vitamins, and he’ll grow. He’ll be big and s-strong and—” I choked on a whimper and Tatsuki wrapped his strong arms around me as he gently tugged me against the swell of his chest.

“Oh, Mrs. Mamoru…I’m not trying to scare you. Please don’t be frightened. Like I said, his vitals are looking good, even though he’s struggling a little to grow. He’s made it this far completely undetected, he’s a strong little fella. All I’m saying is that we need to keep a close eye on him from now on, okay? That means weekly appointments.” There was a stern edge to her voice, and I knew that was because I neglected coming to the doctor. I had been ordering prenatal vitamins off the internet and only coming in when I suspected something was wrong.

I didn’t like it, but that didn’t matter anymore. His life mattered more to me than my own comfort and growing paranoia. “I’ll do anything.” I bleated. “Make me an appointment for next week then.” Tatsuki had mentioned a midwife, but until that was straightened out, I was just going to have to suck it up and accept that my children needed more help than I alone could give them. Trinity had been holding his little hand. She loved her brother already, of course she did, she was sharing her home with him. I couldn’t bare the thought of her losing her very first friend…or of me losing my son.

“That’s the spirit.” Tatsuki whispered. His smile was so hopeful, and he pressed an excited kiss to the center of my forehead. “I won’t have you worrying about any of this. I’m going take care of all three of you. We’re going to be parents so soon, he just has to hang in there three more months, and I’m going to see to that.”

The technician smiled real big and handed us a picture from the sonogram. I was really happy they had managed to get a shot of them snuggled up together, gripping each other’s tiny fingers. I was going to cherish that picture for the rest of my life. “He’s right, you know. We deliver healthy twins here every day. You’re in good hands. I think that little boy is going to be needing a name, huh? We’re already acquainted with Miss Trinity.” She cooed.

I…wasn’t so sure about that. Naming him made it real, and making it real meant I was potentially going to be the mother of a twin who didn’t survive birth. I didn’t think I could handle that. If I lost either child I wasn’t going to be able to live with myself. I had already been so careless in the beginning of my pregnancy. I could have killed my son from the beginning, it was a miracle he was still alive. “I don’t…I don’t know if I can do that. What if I name him a-and…and I don’t get to keep him?”

Tatsuki took my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. “Julia Raine, we are not losing this little boy. I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to give him a strong name and he’s going to be born with all his fingers and toes and a loud strong cry and you’re going to be so smitten with him, okay?”

I wanted to believe him so badly and I nodded as I threaded my fingers between his own. “What’s his name then?” I almost didn’t want to hear it; I didn’t want to get attached. But I knew it was too late for that. I wanted both babies and seeing Tatsuki desperate to keep them both safe and healthy only deepened that connection for me. We couldn’t just name Trinity and call the other child Twin B.

“Tadashi.” Tadashi had been Tatsuki’s father’s name and my heart shattered as I watched my husbands’ lips quiver violently. “Tadashi Squall Mamoru.” He petted my tummy possessively and knelt so that he was face level with the baby. “And you listen to me in there, Tadashi. You’re going to be my boy. You’re my son and my family and no one else’s. You are _not_ him and he will never know you or hurt you.”

He was talking about Soichiro. I squeezed Tatsuki against me tightly and buried my face in his hair as I wept quietly to myself. I was overwhelmed and pregnant and terrified. I just wanted to go back to the hotel and lay down. “That’s a beautiful name. Daddy will be so proud.” That was the idea, I was sure. Tatsuki had always admired my father.

“I’m the one that’s proud.” Tatsuki said softly. He looked up at me with all the love and wonder in the world as a barely audible sob passed his lips. “You’re giving me a beautiful family. I can never repay you for that.”


	75. Chapter 75

*Zell’s POV*

My patience was wearing a little thin as Squall and I sifted through boxes in his office and I crossed my leg over my knee as I pulled a few dusty old photos to my face. Things had been a little tense between the Leonhart’s and I since my little girl left home and there was something about it that wouldn’t stop nagging me. Squall and Rinoa were my very best friends and part of me felt like they had stolen my daughter. I knew that wasn’t true, Garnet had made her choice, but I couldn’t shake the emotion.

I guess I had been uncharacteristically quiet because Squall peaked up from the legal document he was reading to blink at me. “You okay?”

No. I hadn’t been okay in months. My daughter was terminally ill and refused to terminate a pregnancy she had no business carrying, married to a boy she had no business marrying, in a house she had no business living in. She was only seventeen years old. I shrugged. “I just think its funny you asked me to help you work this case instead of someone you trust, like Tatsuki.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Tatsuki is on his honeymoon with my daughter right now.” When I looked up from the old photographs Squall actually seemed bothered, like I had hurt his feelings. I frowned. I wasn’t trying to pick a fight.

“Look, I ain’t tryin’ to start nothin’. I’m sorry. I just…if you trust me, why won’t you listen when I try to tell you what’s best for my kid? You’re lettin’ her act like she—”

“Is a married expectant mother who can make her own choices?” Squall snapped, scooting his chair further from mine before he pulled another long legal file from the filing cabinet behind him.

I could feel my face heating up and I jammed my fist as hard as I could into the bookcase adjacent from me. My body was trembling, and several editions of the SeeD manual flew off the aged mahogany to clatter to the ground. “You’re treatin’ her like she isn’t dying.” My voice was tight in my throat and Squall got very quiet. We all knew my child was on borrowed time. She had been from the moment she took her first breath. She wasn’t going to survive this pregnancy, there was no way. Her body already worked overtime just to keep her own organs functioning, let alone another person’s.

“Zell, listen to me. Rinoa and I already talked to her about it. We begged her to go home and talk to you and Quistis. It’s not our place to make her do anything, she isn’t our kid. She chose not to go home. I don’t…I don’t know why that is, and I’m sorry.” That broke my heart more than I was comfortable admitting and I coughed hard in an attempt at forcing the tears away. What had I ever done to make my Nettie girl hate me? She and her mother were my world. My absolute fucking world. “Maybe you should swing by the house tonight?”

Squall was trying to help, and I hunched down closer to the floor, on the edge of dissociating. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.” It was going to be awkward if one of us didn’t change the subject and I cleared my throat as I waved one of the pictures I’d been squinting at back at my friend. We had plans to go and visit Alistair Cellar shortly, who was resting in the infirmary, and I recognized his father in one of the old photos. “Seem familiar to you?”

The picture was yellowing at the edges and the barely legible date scrawled on the back read 1975. That was eight whole years before Squall and I were even born. Former Headmaster Cid was pictured in the center, derpy and portly as he ever was, and Matron was at his side. She hardly looked cognizant and was squeezed into a tiny revealing black dress as she clung to his shoulder. On Matron’s other side stood Auron Lister, Victor Corona, and Ashlen Cellar. Squall’s frown deepened. “How…Matron and Cid never mentioned knowing Auron or Victor, even after Auron almost killed Rinoa and Julia.”

That was kind of dark. Cid I could understand keeping secrets, but not Matron. Not when she married Squall’s father and was the only grandmother his children had ever known. It didn’t settle well inside me and I couldn’t maintain eye contact. She had been a mom to Squall in more ways than she had been any of the rest of us. “As much as I don’t like it, it might be the break we’ve been looking for. There was a reason we were sifting through all this shit.”

“Yeah,” Squall barked. “To find connections to the Orderless, not my mother.” Julia had kept very detailed notes, and after she’d been discharged from the hospital she had given her father a full report on her findings inside the Cellar residence. According to Julia, Ashlen was desperate for Gil, but his decision to rob the Loire’s was ill informed. Laguna and Edea didn’t have a cent to their name that Squall didn’t give to them. She said the items he lined his pockets with were just junk odds and ends that had no worth, and his criminal record was spotless. All she had to do was breathe a hint of suspicion that she thought the Orderless was involved, and Squall had gone into overdrive.

Julia seemed to think Cellar was put up to the job, and she was attempting to prove that when she went to interview his family. Squall and I had been pouring over a bunch of crap that had been locked in storage after that chapter of our life was over, and I was surprised neither of us remembered seeing that picture before. Then again, that had all transpired long before Squall mandated his ban on the Junction System. Memory loss was bummer. That being said, I thought Julia was being paranoid. No one had heard a peep out of the Orderless in over seventeen years. “You really believe what that Shumi is puttin’ in your kids head?”

“Larxine is a valued member of our family. If she told Jules the Orderless still exist on the Trabian continent, then I believe her. She has no reason to lie.” Sometimes I was surprised by Squall’s kindness. Rinoa had softened him a lot over the years. He had offered his heart and his home to the poor girl without a second thought. The Squall I’d known before couldn’t have been bothered to care about other people’s problems or lives. I smiled and shrugged at him.

“That’s fair. What do you make of that photo, eh? Matron looks…”

“Drugged.” He responded thinly. “She looks drugged. I already hate that Cid seemed to think he was her Knight. He didn’t know what a Knight was, leaving her all alone and unprotected. Sorceresses need us, they need love and they need a safety net, it makes me so—” Squall’s face was turning beet red as he thrust his arm out to the side passionately and I doubled over laughing at how easily he riled himself up.

Squall Leonhart was a different breed, that was for sure. The man was hard-wired to protect. I understood why. My Quistis wasn’t a full Sorceress, but even Blue Mages needed to be carefully looked after. I was proud to be as much of a Knight as I could be, considering our situation wasn’t quite as dire as full Sorceresshood. I would protect my wife with my last breath if I had to, and Squall felt the same. “Don’t blow a gasket, she was safe in the end. Your father was a good Knight to her.”

“He was.” Squall admitted softly. “He was better to me than I deserved, too. I _will_ find out who did this to him. If Julie doesn’t think it was Ashlen Cellar, I believe her. His motive is almost non-existent. But I want to know what he’s doing in this photograph.” I did too. Auron and Victor were both terrible people and seeing them smiling and pressed up against our Matron left a bad taste in my mouth. Auron and Victor were both members of the Orderless. What did that imply about Cid? I didn’t want to think about it. Ashlen was the only person in the photo who looked unhappy and his clothes were noticeably different from the formal attire donned by the others. Now that I really looked, the coloring on his half of the picture was completely off too. There was a bluish lighting tenting his face and clothes, but the others were bathed in a yellow overhead light.

“Somethin’ ain’t right, hang on a sec.” The year on the back of the picture…1975…there was no way Ashlen Cellar could have even been there, I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Ashlen was only forty-five years old when he died, which would have placed his birth somewhere around 1978, three whole years before this photo was taken. I felt the back of the photograph carefully and ran my index finger along the altered side until it snagged on a tiny corner of the waxy paper that wasn’t glued down all the way. Gotcha. I was impressed that there was almost no noticeable seam, but I was able to slowly pry the two pictures apart.

That definitely piqued Squall’s interest and his brow furrowed as he edged closer to me. There was a note in different handwriting written on the back of the halved photo of Ashlen and Squall jerked it from my hands as his own began to tremble. ‘All roads lead to Rinoa Heartilly.’ That was all it said. “I know this handwriting. I’ve graded her work, I know this is Autumn’s handwriting.” Squall was both Timber Garden’s Headmaster and Garden Master, it wasn’t often that he had to teach a course. Occasionally, however, I’d have him sub in for me if Garnet was really sick and I couldn’t make it to one of my classes. He had graded plenty of papers for me over the years for the same reason.

“You’re right. She’s the only kid at Garden I’ve ever known to dot her i’s like that.” Garden was a strict and often arduous learning environment and we didn’t allow for anything cutesy and unprofessional. Quistis had spent years trying to beat it into Autumn Yoshioka’s head that dotting her i’s with little hearts was completely unacceptable. Most girls only tried it once, when they were small, and a good scolding made sure they never did it again. But Autumn had a harder head than even her father did, and we had largely given up on repeatedly failing her in writing courses over her penmanship.

Squall’s face was contorted into one of both rage and confusion and I clapped him on the back gently in an attempt at comforting him. “Hey, man. Take it easy. All we gotta do is talk to her about it. I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for—”

“A reasonable explanation for what, Zell? For breaking into a storage building she shouldn’t even know about and altering the contents? This is a message, she wanted us to find this.” I didn’t have an answer for that. Autumn was Raijin’s little girl, she was one of our own. I didn’t want to think she was up to anything. She’d been acting out a little, but if what she claimed about Instructor Aki was to be believed, she had just gone through an awful lot.

I crossed my ankles and gnawed on my bottom lip for a moment. I didn’t claim to know anything anymore. The world was becoming a place I didn’t even recognize anymore. All that realization did was make me feel old. “Maybe this is her way of trying to help. Maybe she left a message because she knows something she’s afraid to tell us directly.” I offered.

Fact of the matter was, Squall was upset because his wife’s name was on the back of the picture. That was all this was. He needed to take a deep breath. “We’re calling her into the office. Now.”


	76. Chapter 76

*Quistis’s POV*

“Aww, c’mon Quisty, please? It’ll be fun!” Selphie whined, leaning dramatically over my work desk as I attempted to clean up for the day. I had been teaching the little’s ever since Instructor Aki had been put on indefinite suspension and it had added a ton onto my workload. I frowned at her. It was nice having Selphie around again. She and Irvine had flown in for Julia’s wedding and they were going to be staying for a few more days. That being said, my friends didn’t seem to realize that their vacation didn’t mean I was on vacation too.

Selphie was looking cute as a button in her old yellow overalls and I almost didn’t have the heart to tell her no. I had missed her so much. She almost never came to visit, and that was largely because her responsibilities in Balamb kept her super busy. It wasn’t easy being a Headmistress, I knew that. I had been married to one, once. “Oh, Selph. I don’t know.” I crossed my arms and leaned toward her playfully. “Don’t you think I’m a little old? I’m a mom of five, you know. And Zell…I’d have to ask Zell…”

I was full of excuses. What I didn’t want to admit was that I was secretly a little jealous. She was asking me if I wanted to have a couple’s night with her and Irvine. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them, but I had had Zell all to myself for seventeen blissful years. He had saved me, he was my literal Knight in shining armor. I didn’t necessarily want to share him with anyone. Selphie slid off the desk and curled her bottom lip under in a pout. “Then ask him! This could really save my marriage, Quisty, we need a little spice! Irvine has been acting weird.”

Weirder than normal? That somehow didn’t seem possible, and I snorted. “What’s he been doing?” I leaned my back up against my desk and narrowed my eyes at her. He better have been treating her properly. Irvine had always been a little skeevy, and even though I was fond of him as my friend, I loved Selphie more. The side I would take if he was hurting her was obvious. Irvine had been a little eccentric from the beginning, and not necessarily good eccentric. I had been truly surprised that Selphie had agreed to date him in the first place. Rinoa and I never would have said so to her face, but both of us thought that she had settled for less than she deserved.

Selphie blew out a long deep sigh, but her happy-go-lucky smile never once fell. That was my girl. She twiddled with her fingers for a moment and I didn’t like the way she cast those lovely green eyes to her boots when she spoke. “Quistis, if I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone else? Not even Noa? I love her, but I don’t think she could keep it from Squall.”

Okay, _now_ I was alarmed. “Selphie look at me, you and Rinoa are my best friends. You can tell me anything, you know that.”

That declaration was met with silence for several beats before she screwed her eyes shut and danced around from toe to toe as if she had to use the restroom but couldn’t. “Okay, okay! Listen, I…I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore. I haven’t been for a long time, and he’s kind of gotten the hint. He’s been…distant. And last night he begged me to try this with him…he doesn’t want to lose me, Quistis.”

I had to bite my tongue. My first instinct when the words ‘I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore’ passed her lips was to mutter praises to Yevon. Irvine was my friend, he would always be my friend, but sometimes I thought he would be better off alone. He was very hot and cold with Selphie. He was either obsessed with her or he ignored her for weeks, wagging his tail for any girl who happened to walk his way. None of us said anything, but none of us liked it, either. That wasn’t to say I thought Irvine was unfaithful, I actually doubted that. But I did think his periods of disinterest were because he would rather look at magazines until Selphie was new and interesting again, and I resented that on her behalf. “Are you…and please don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure fixing it is worth it at this point?”

“He’s the father of my son!” Selphie insisted. _Yeah, and Fujin was the mother of my daughter._ I thought gloomily. Sometimes that didn’t mean near as much to a person as a parent would pray it does. “I want Jacob to be in his life and I…Jake is the only kid out of our whole friend group who is an only child. I want to give him a sibling…but it hasn’t been working, and that’s straining everything too.” Selphie threw her hands up in resignation and my heart broke for her. I knew she had to be jealous, I would have been. Zell and I had five children and Squall and Rinoa were cooking their fourth.

I locked my filing cabinet for the afternoon and toyed with the ends of my dirty blonde bangs for a moment. Maybe if I laid down some ground rules I wouldn’t be so bothered by the idea. I tapped my chin and sighed. “I still have to run it by Zell,” I said slowly. “But if you can promise me Zell only get’s in your back door, not the front, I’ll…consider it.”

“Oh, Quisty thank you! Thank you, thank you, you have no idea what it would mean to me!!” Selphie’s body collided with my own and she squeezed me too hard, like she always did. I grunted a little, but I smiled at her as my phone started to ring in the pocket of my pencil skirt. Speaking of my kids. It was Misty’s phone number, I had to take the call. Zell and I had been so worried about her since she had come home from Winter Island. We were assured by both our daughter and the physician that she had only been beaten, not raped, but seeing my child in any kind of pain was unbearable. I loved every single one of my babies.

“Excuse me for just a sec, Selph.” Selphie let go of me and gave a slight nod as she wandered off to look out the large sprawling window in the back corner of my office. It had a nice view of Obel lake and the hospital from where we were, and often times if I had to work late, I’d stay just a hair longer to sit and watch that beautiful Timberian sunset sink beneath the horizon. “Misty? Baby, is everything okay?” I asked into the receiver.

My daughter was resilient, and she sounded chipper on the other end. I was so grateful. “I’m okay Ma. I was callin’ cuz Grandma needed to go home, her head doesn’t feel good. So it’s just me and Ruby and Barret watching Demyx.” My brow furrowed. The triplets watching their little brother alone sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. Demyx was only two years old, I usually only trusted him with his grandparents or Nettie.

“Your Grandma has been having those migraines pretty frequently. Have you told Pa?” There was silence on the other end, and I knew that she hadn’t. My kids were young, but they weren’t stupid. Ma Dincht meant everything in the world to my husband. None of us wanted to breathe the possibility that she was sick around him. “It’s okay. Listen, I’m on my way home. Just keep Demy from climbing the walls until I get there, okay?”

Misty giggled a little at the prospect and it melted my insides. I was so happy to see and hear my baby coming back to me. Little by little her old self was shining through. “I love you, Ma.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Misty hung up and I turned back around to face Selphie, so was absently humming the same song about trains she’d been singing for the past twenty years. Some things never changed. I chuckled. “That was my little girl. I’ve got to head home. I’ll talk to Zell, okay?”

Selphie nodded at me absently, like she didn’t really want to talk about it anymore. Guilt gnawed at my insides. I hoped the conversation with my daughter didn’t feel like salt in her wounds. I had no idea Selphie wanted to be a mother again so badly. I had always assumed they only had one child because of how traumatic Jacob’s birth had been. Ulitmecia nearly killed him, and Selphie’s relationship with Squall was permanently soured by that. She had traded Rinoa’s life for her son. Well, she had attempted to. It was something we all had a hard time forgiving, but I knew better than to harbor a two decades old grudge. We all made mistakes, and Selphie regretted it.

I wanted to stop off and get groceries on my way home, but I decided against it. If I let Zell do the after-work shopping, we’d be eating hotdogs for a week, but that was going to have to be okay. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my middle children, I did, but Demyx needed a little extra care than a typical toddler. He was healthy and meeting every expectation the pediatrician had for him, but emotionally he was a very clingy little boy. Demyx was attached to his daddy at the hip, and the only other person he loved even half as much as his Grandma. With Ma Dincht having gone home for the day I knew he was inconsolable.

I missed my husband. I was almost always with him, but that didn’t matter. It had been a long day at Garden and I just wanted to be held. I loved Zell Dincht more than I ever could have thought possible in the beginning. He was the kind of man you only met once in a lifetime. I was lost in those thoughts when I turned the key to our front door and the familiar sound of a baby screeching pierced my ears. “Demy, hush now, Mommy is home.”

Ruby all but flung her brother at me and I shot her a look as I dropped my bags all over the foyer to catch him in my arms. Demyx curled into a ball in my arms and the cries tapered off considerably as I rocked him in my arms. Daddy might have been his favorite, but he still loved his Mommy and I peppered his tear stained cheeks with kisses. I blew a small raspberry on the side of his chunky face and the sweet laughter that replaced his cries warmed my entire body. There wasn’t anything in the world like being a mother. I would never understand why my adoptive parents never learned to love me. My children were everything. Demyx bounced excitedly in my arms and I melted as I suddenly felt familiar muscles tighten around my waist.

“Quisty.” Zell sounded over tired but his voice was buttery with affection and I turned around in his arms to kiss him. Demyx was elated to see his Daddy, like always, and he chanted his name as Zell opened his mouth to me. He tasted savory and his kisses were always home to me. I moaned a little and he nuzzled his nose tenderly against my own. “I missed you.”

“You’re late.” I chided playfully. He was almost always home before I was, his classes let out earlier. I had heard Squall call him into his office before I left, and I was curious, but I also didn’t want to grill him. “Let me make you something good for dinner. Anything you want.”

Zell held me a little tighter and small pocket of worry roiled in my belly. What had Squall talked to him about? “Nah, Quistis. You go lay down and put your feet up. I’ve got dinner tonight.” He nibbled gently on the crook of my neck before Demyx demanded his attention. He tugged hard on his father’s hair and Zell chuckled as he pulled the toddler into his arms and tickled him. “And it looks like chef Demy is helpin’ tonight! You leave it to us.”


	77. Chapter 77

*Julia’s POV*

It had gotten dark and we were drunk on nachos and sparkling grape juice as we lounged in the middle of the bed. Tatsuki was curled around my belly and he made extra sure to rub on both sides as he read the twins to sleep. The likelihood of either of them calming down for the night after the day we had was slim, but Tatsuki insisted. He just wanted an excuse to read to them, and I figured he probably was hoping they would learn the sound of his voice.

“Goodbye Pupurun, the day we had was fun. The sky is getting sleepy now and tucks away the sun. Kiss your mommy and your daddy as they turn out every light and know how much you’re safe and loved and close your eyes real tight. We’ll play again tomorrow when the birds sing as they fly, but for now I bid you gentle sleep, Pupurun, goodbye.” Tatsuki read the final passage slowly and his voice caught in his throat as he closed the book.

It had been such an emotional day. I still couldn’t believe it. It was crazy how much love I could have in my heart for a child I had known existed less than twenty-four hours. I was trying to be happy, instead of afraid, and I swallowed back my tears as I ran my fingers through Tatsuki’s jet black hair. “Tell me how you picture them.” I whispered dreamily. “What do you think they’ll be like?”

Daddy hated it when Momma asked him make-believe questions. He didn’t believe in hypotheticals. If Tatsuki felt the same way, he never said so, and I was grateful that he humored me as he continued to caress the swell of our children. “Our Trinity is going to be just like you. Strong willed and kind and a force to be reckoned with. Her sense of duty will be just, and she’ll thrive with us in the Garden and make so many life-long friends.” He unknowingly answered another question I had. He intended to raise our kids at Garden the way we were raised. I smiled. That was fine by me. “And our Tadashi…sweet Tadashi. He’s going to be our gentle little soul. Full of love and joy and mercy. He’ll love animals and spend his time in the library with you.”

I giggled and a coy smile stretched across my face. “And just how do you figure all that?” Tatsuki was looking up at me from underneath his eyelashes and his full lips were pressed into a lopsided grin.

“I can feel it. I trust Yevon to will it so. They’re going to be perfect. Both of them. Don’t you worry.” Tatsuki’s mother, Hina, was devout, so his words didn’t surprise me. I cupped his cheek softly with my hand and admired how smooth his skin felt. Tatsuki was the most beautiful man I had ever known. I in no way deserved him, but my babies did. They deserved the intense love that radiated off him.

I couldn’t believe I got to be his family. I got to be his wife. “Tatsuki…I want you to know something.” I brushed his dark bangs from his eyes and he grabbed my hand, bringing it to his mouth and placing a chaste kiss to the center of my palm. “I’ve dreamed about being with you like this since I was a little girl…and it’s more than I could ever have imagined it would be.”

When we were children I had so many grandiose ideas about how love should be, and all of them turned out to be hollow. We didn’t need a fancy wedding and an expensive honeymoon to someplace exotic. We were having our honeymoon a mile from my home, and I couldn’t have been any happier. Our wedding had been more than perfect too, and it was about as small and quaint as it could have been. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about our life together. I had spent a lot of time wishing, in the beginning, that Trinity was biologically Tatsuki’s. But I had come to realize that that didn’t matter, either. The twins wouldn’t have been the same, and likely wouldn’t have been twins at all. We both loved them just as they were.

Tatsuki smiled. “You have no idea how much I’ve longed to hear you say that.” I had to laugh at that. It wasn’t true at all. I knew, because I longed to hear _him_ say it, too. “Julia Raine you’ve made me so happy. This is…this is more than everything I could have wanted.” That was the affirmation I was looking for and pure bliss soothed my frazzled nerves as I fought with my children to sit up straight.

The amusement on my husband’s face was sheepish and he chuckled as he placed a firm hand on the small of my back and helped to hoist me forward. I was stuffed full of his babies and my body no longer wanted to cooperate. I was out of breath and I blew a gust of air dramatically over my bottom lip as my bangs scattered across my forehead. “I just wanted to kiss you, but I think my body asked for a time out defense.” Tatsuki snorted and leaned in to capture my lips as his phone buzzed loudly from his pocket. He whined a little, but his expression brightened back up instantly as he realized it was his mother calling.

I doted on him for a long moment as he excitedly put his cell on speaker and held the device out in the small space between us. I had always thought it was so sweet, the bond Tatsuki had with his mother. She was his entire world. Before me Tatsuki didn’t have anyone else. His mother was the only family he had to speak of. It made my heart sad. “Eomma, nan dangsini jeonhwa jeongmal haengbok haeyo. Julliawa naneun dangsinege manheun geoseul gajigoissda.”

Because my family was originally from Galbadia, I didn’t speak the native Timberian language, but I was used to hearing Tatsuki speak it with his mother. Their family was native to Timber and had lived there for several generations. It wasn’t used widely in Timber anymore, but that was true of the original languages of most nations in modern Gaia. Almost everyone spoke Common, which had originated in Deling City during Galbadia’s widespread occupation. I had been around Tatsuki long enough to know Eomma meant Momma, and Julliawa was my name, but that was all I could distinguish. He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze as tears pricked his eyes. “I’ll let Julia tell you the news.” He added.

“Hi Mrs. Mamoru,”

The scoff she let out blew static into the receiver and Tatsuki was already grinning before she even started to fuss at me. “You’re Mrs. Mamoru now, you stop that. You call me Eomma.” Hina scolded lovingly.

“Eomma,” I started over, gingerly running my fingers along Tatsuki’s wedding band. “Tatsuki and I have some big news. You’re the first person to find out.”

I could almost audibly hear Hina leaning in closer to the phone and the excitement that pricked her voice was tangible. “Don’t tell me you’re pregnant, I already know that.” She joked. Hina was incredibly excited for Trinity’s arrival. The last time I had gone to visit her she was already in the process of painting my daughter a nursey at her house, in what had up until recently been Tatsuki’s old bedroom.

“Well, you know that we’re having a little girl,” I said softly. “But…we just found out I’m…there was a little boy hiding in there too. We’re having twins.” Hina shrieked like she was still a teenager and Tatsuki and I both doubled over laughing at her. She was so sweet and the energy that poured off that woman never failed to amaze me. “Why don’t you ask your son what we’re naming him?”

Hina was already crying, but when Tadashi’s name passed Tatsuki’s lips a bittersweet howl vibrated from the speaker. “Oh, I h-have to tell him, I have to tell your father, he would have been so p-proud.” We heard her shuffling around a bit, and I assumed she was bringing the phone to the family altar she kept front and center in living room behind the sofa. “Uriui Tatsuki adeureul jinigo issseupnida. Geuneun dangsineul wihae ireumi jijeongdoepnida.” She wept. “Geubuneun yeojeonhi yeoreobuneul saranghapnida. Jigeumdo geuneun dangsineul saranghapnida.”

I blinked at Tatsuki and he gently placed his hand over the receiver. “She said our Tatsuki has a son. He is named for you. He still loves you. Even now he loves you.” Tatsuki’s voice quivered and my heart shattered into a million pieces. Tatsuki never spoke about his father, and it wasn’t because he was avoiding the subject, but he never got to meet his father, so there was nothing to talk about. It had never occurred to me that he was hurt inside by his father’s absence. He loved the idea of his father, and he had projected so much of that onto my own dad when we were growing up.

“I’m here for you.” I whispered. I all but climbed into his lap and I nuzzled my head up under his chin as I wrapped my entire body around his. I didn’t want an ounce of sadness to ever touch my Tatsuki’s heart. He took his hand off the phone as his mother quieted and he sniffled a little he tugged the white and grey comforter up over my bump.

“I’ll be the father he never got to be. I’ll make him proud, Eomma. I promise.”

Hina was quiet for a long moment and I almost thought she’d hung up before she tapped her fingernails against what I assumed was their hardwood floor. “You’re a Forest Owl, my darling boy. You already made him proud. Tadashi died for Timber’s liberation…and here you’ve married into the very family that saw us freed. He sees. He knows.”

We got off the phone with his mother shortly after that, and Tatsuki didn’t seem to want to talk about his feelings. It had been a long day, and we were both mentally and emotionally wiped out. I didn’t push the issue, he would talk about his dad when he was ready, and I reached for the left overs we had sitting on the nightstand. I shouldn’t have been hungry, but the thick yellow cheese of the nachos we ordered was calling my name. It was all I could smell. I wanted to cheer my husband up, even if he didn’t want to talk about it, and I rolled my shirt up as I popped the Styrofoam container open. “Hmm. It would really be a shame if I made a mess before bed.”

Tatsuki wasn’t really listening, he had gotten up to sit his phone on the charging dock on the other side of the bed. I cleared my throat hard. “I really hope I don’t get this sauce all over me.” I said loudly, earning a look of confusion as my love slowly turned to take a peek at me. “Oops!” I dropped a hunk of molten cheese on my belly and smeared it all down the front with the palm of my hand.

He opened his mouth to ask what in the world I was doing, I could see it on his face, but then I trailed a finger through the orange goo and slowly sucked it into my mouth. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I moaned a little. I heard Tatsuki swear under his breath and when I peeked an eye open to glance at him, he was already at half-mast. I rubbed both hands down my tummy slowly and groaned again, and my husband’s face was a deep shade of purple as he approached my side of the bed. “I’m dirty, Tatsuki.” I panted.

Tatuski grabbed a chip from the container and used it to scoop some of the cheese off the babies before plopping it into his mouth. “You sure are. You should take a shower. Nice try, princess.”

I puffed my bottom lip out in a pout. “Take one with me?” Tatsuki laughed at my desperation and he folded his arms as he looked down his nose at me playfully.

“You’re going to be the death of me. You need to rest. Take a shower; I’m going to go out and get you a surprise real quick. I think we need a pick-me-up. When I get back, if you’ve been really good and stayed off your feet, then I _might_ consider fooling around, okay?”

I whined, but I knew he was just trying to protect our children, so I sighed in resignation. “Okay, lovie. But you better come back quick, I need my hubby for snuggles.” Tatsuki’s doe eyes melted with affection and he winked and blew a kiss before grabbing for his coat and heading out into the hotel hallway.


	78. Chapter 78

I felt a little silly while Tatsuki was out, and guilty. It wasn’t alright to push him further than he was comfortable with. It made me…little better than Soichiro, or at least that’s how I felt. I had washed the cheese sauce off my body, and it was just the twins and I soaking in the bath for a long while. They got still in the warm water and I rested my hands atop my belly as I sunk deeper into the frothy bubbles. I didn’t know why I was the way I was. By all accounts I should have been the one who didn’t want to be touched. I felt like I was broken. Like something was wrong with me.

I had the best husband anyone could have asked for, and I was already mistreating him, a mere twenty-four hours into our marriage. I had to be and do better. It was what Tatsuki deserved. “You don’t think poorly of Mommy, do you?” I asked, rubbing my tired hands along my massive bump. “I promise, I’m trying my very best. I’m going to give you the best life that I physically can.” That meant not pushing their father away. I just wanted to be closer to him, that was all. I craved a closeness that was never satiated, no matter how much time we spent together, and I didn’t understand it.

The tears came, but I didn’t understand them either. I didn’t have any right to be crying. Nothing had even happened. I was fine. Being pregnant was a roller coaster of emotions and hormones that I had been wholly unprepared for and I soothed myself in a warm ball for several minutes when I heard the hotel door open. I sniffled. “Tatsuki?”

I was just checking to make sure it was him, but my voice must have tremored, because he sounded concerned as I heard him wrestle with something in the hallway. “You sound like you’re crying, what’s wrong?” I wiped the tears away quickly and forced a smile to my lips as he rounded the corner.

“What? No, I’m fine, T. I’m happy to see you.” I let the water out and stood, laughing at the way the bubbles stuck to my enormous front as I reached for a towel.

Tatsuki leaned against the doorframe and a frown tugged at the edges of his already pouty lips. “Your eyes are red, please be truthful.” His eyes were searching mine for any hint of something that he’d done wrong and I sighed.

“Oh, Tatsuki. It’s nothing but me being pregnant and dramatic, that’s all. I just feel like…I feel like I’m putting too much pressure on you. Sexually I mean. And I’m…I’m really sorry…I’m no better than—”

“Julia Raine don’t you dare finish that sentence.” Tatsuki actually sounded kind of mad and I flinched as I continued to dry off. The panic that entered his eyes as he watched my body react made me feel even guiltier. The flinching was an automatic response, I couldn’t help it, but I never wanted him to feel like he made me afraid. Even before the assault Soichiro had always stayed so angry with me. I didn’t like raised voices. “You’re _nothing_ like him.” He whispered.

I opened my mouth to explain myself but Tatsuki’s body was moving quicker than I could think. He scooped me into his arms and discarded my towel as he carried me back to the bed and laid me gently in the center. He picked the towel back up off the bathroom floor and gently rubbed me down with it as he chewed on his thick bottom lip. “You’re not pressuring me. You’re starved for positive attention and you’re heavy with child. You can’t help what your body needs right now. You haven’t forced me to do anything, you’ve asked, and we’ve communicated.” I heard what sounded like a bark come from the corner of the room furthest us, but Tatsuki wasn’t finished. “I’m…doing this for you, not me. I want it more than you know.”

I knew that was true, that’s why I was apologizing, but he wasn’t having any of it. “I know, and that’s why I’m sorry—” Tatsuki looked so disappointed in himself and it made me hurt inside. I was trying to tell him I didn’t want to pressure him, and it was ending up sounding the opposite, like I was whining. I started to cry again, and he kissed the tears from my cheek as he rubbed on my thighs a little.

“I’m telling you that you don’t need to be. Push all thought of that from your mind. Okay? I am so happy to even be in your presence, Julia Raine. The fact that you’ve chosen me…when you could have had anyone in the Garden that you wanted…it means everything.” He didn’t give me a chance to dispute his words, though I wanted to. No one at Garden wanted me. I didn’t even want me. Tatsuki had always been such a blessing. He was my friend when no one wanted to be, from the beginning. It had always been the two of us. “I told you I was going to get you a present! It’ll make you feel better.”

Tatsuki’s voice oozed warmth and I could tell that he was proud of himself. The excitement that touched his eyes reminded me so much of Hina. Neither one of them ever stayed down for long, their natural dispositions were just too happy. It was one of the many things I loved about him. The barking I thought I’d hallucinated got a little louder and the next thing I knew Tatsuki was whistling and a tiny fuzzy blonde body came barreling toward us. A golden retriever puppy missing his right paw hobbled up the bed like he had no idea he was handicapped.

I felt my eyes go wide with absolute joy. The puppy licked at my face and poked his little black nose lovingly against my own as his tail thrashed wildly behind him. “You were so upset about Luca…and Mom called me a week or so ago crying about a puppy that no one wanted because he was born missing a leg. They were going to have to put him down if no one took him, so…I rescued him. I knew if anyone would love him right, it would be my Jule.”

That broke my heart. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the puppy. He was chunky and just as friendly as he could be. He rolled over onto the top of the twins and showed his belly, begging for scratches as I ran my fingers gently through his silky fur. “Sounds like he deserves to be treated like a king.” I said softly. “So that’s his name. Kingsley.”

“That’s beautiful.” Tatsuki breathed, grinning at me as he reached to scratch behind the dog’s ears. “And you’re beautiful.”

I patted the bed beside me, desperate for him to lay down and curl up beside me. I wanted the skin to skin contact. I wanted to be close to him always. I had never understood my father’s words to my mother more in my life. Just stay close to me. The words were not empty. To feel a love this deep…staying close was a requirement. “Thank you so much. This is…” I choked up a little and Tatsuki pressed a happy kiss to the side of my face.

“That’s how we met, remember? I picked Luca out myself for you. It’s…a piece of our history. I had to keep that alive.” That was true. Tatsuki had been four years old when he took my hand in that pet shop and drug me to what he insisted was the “pwettiest doggy” they had. My father had seen something in him that day. He had wanted him for Garden from the start. I would always be grateful for that chance meeting, even if it had cost Momma and I Angelo.

“I love you. I’m sorry if I say that too much, but I feel like you need to hear it. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Tatsuki couldn’t even begin to hide the boyish laughter that escaped his lips and his whole face lit up like a Christmas tree. “There is so such thing as too much. I love you more.”

I giggled. “Now you’re a liar.” I pinched him under his arm and he squirmed a little, exciting little Kingsley as he pounced on his new daddy. I couldn’t get enough of Tatsuki’s laughter, and I was so bitterly disappointed when his elbow made contact with the TV remote as he wriggled away from my tickling fingers. The evening news flickered on and both of us quieted as we caught sight of what was scrolling across the top of the screen.

‘FIRST DAUGHTER JULIA LEONHART UPENDED BY NEW HUSBAND: FAUX ASSAULT AND SHOTGUN WEDDING’.

My stomach flipped inside out and I gagged as Tatsuki shot off the bed to grab a trashcan for me. I could hear the reporter, someone I knew through Autumn, spilling lies about how I had made the entire thing up to cover up the fact that I was carrying a child outside of wedlock. They were playing a voice recording that sounded like Tatsuki, but I wasn’t a fool, you could hear where it had been cut in places to sound more incriminating than it actually was. I didn’t know when the Timber Maniac’s journalism had gotten so sleezy, but I was not a fan. I knew my Papa was rolling over in his grave.

“Julia…” I wretched hard into the trash and the sensation woke both twins from their sleep. I hadn’t felt so much as a stir since my bath, and now two pairs of feet were frantically flailing side of me as I continued to dry heave. “I d-didn’t say those things, I promise I would never say anything like that.”

I believed him. I knew the man I married and then man I had always loved. Those journalists had taken his words and twisted them to paint whatever picture they wanted Timber to see. The new puppy was startled and he pawed at my tummy as I struggled to catch my breath. “I k-know you w-wouldn’t, I would never t-t-think—” I was finally able to puke, and bright yellow cheese sloshed out of me as I attempted to soothe my upset children with my hands. A sharp Braxton hicks contraction wrapped around my sides and panic shot through me as I wiped at my mouth. “I have to lay down. I have to lay down for the twins.”

Doctor Zabac had told me that the rule with contractions was that if I laid on my side and they went away, they were nothing to be worried about. If they didn’t…then we were in trouble. Tatsuki turned the TV off and leapt to get a damp cloth for my forehead from the bathroom. I didn’t know what good that was going to do, but I decided to let him fret over me if it would make him feel like he was helping. I just need to calm down, that was all. “I’m calling the station.” Tatsuki swore. “They cannot run a smear campaign against you using _my_ voice, I will not allow it.”

I could hear my mother now, gently telling my father we couldn’t hinder the people’s right to free speech. Even still, I hated the Paparazzi with everything that I was. They were a force I was desperate to protect my little ones from. They weren’t even born yet and people were spreading lies about them. “Let them say what they will, Tatsuki. We know the truth. I can’t afford to get upset about it right now. I have to keep them inside of me for as long as I can, where I know they’re safe.”

My voice shook with emotion and Tatsuki knelt to very gently press his lips to my tense tummy. Kingsley curled up in the crease behind my legs and I smiled as Tatsuki rubbed his nose against my protruding bellybutton. “Hey, they’re going to be safe when they’re out here, too. Don’t you say that. Just wait. I’m going to take care of everything, I promise.”


	79. Chapter 79

*Squall’s POV*

I had already kept Zell well passed when his shift normally ended, and I let him go as Autumn slunk sheepishly into my office. Her middle was swollen, and I stared at her for several long disappointing beats before I ever spoke. I disliked having to use what I called my Headmaster voice, and I disliked even more pulling SeeD’s into my office. It was usually unruly cadet’s that needed reprimanding, not my elite mercenaries. I expected better of them.

“Do you understand why you’re here?” I asked slowly. It burned me up inside that she was the daughter of two of my close friends. Raijin and Felicia were good parents. There was no excuse for Autumn to be a problem child the way she always had been. I had let a lot slide over the years because of who her parents were and her relationship with my daughter, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I wouldn’t.

Autumn’s expression remained poised and she folded her hands politely over her abdomen. “If it’s because I lost my cool a few weeks ago in the library, I’m sorry. Julia breached my trust, and from what I understand the child was not harmed.” I had to bite my tongue. It had taken everything in my body not to expel her on the spot. She could have killed Trinity. The only reason she was still sitting there to mock me was because I knew Julia was wrong to have reported what Instructor Aki had done to Autumn without her permission.

“I don’t think you understand the severity of the situation, Lady Yoshioka. Your father has been notified and is on his way, so I would help me understand before he gets here if I were you. Tell me what this is.” I slid a baggie toward her across my long cedarwood desk and she turned her nose up at me as she picked it up by her long purple nails.

I had slipped both the photograph of Cid and Matron and the mangled picture of Ashlen Cellar into an evidence bag. She acted like she didn’t recognize either one but the sweat on her brow told me otherwise. “Uncle Squall—” Her voice was sugary sweet as she crooned my name and I cut her off harshly. She hadn’t called me that in years and I wasn’t falling for the act.

“I am not your uncle, I am your boss.” That was never something I would have said to any of my friend’s children under normal circumstances. We hadn’t raised any of our children as cousins, but they all called us Aunt and Uncle affectionately regardless. I was at the end of my rope with Autumn, however, as hard as I had tried to separate her from her twin in my mind. “Tell me why your handwriting is on the back of that photo. Now.”

“I’ve never seen that—”

“AUTUMN KIKYO YOSHIOKA.” I raised my voice so loudly that she flinched, and she dropped her usually arrogant gaze to her hands as she picked at her nailbeds. “Yes you have. Tell me.” I jerked the bag from her hands and pulled out the picture of Ashlen, flipping it over and slamming it down on the desk between us. ‘All roads lead to Rinoa Heartilly’ was still scrawled onto the back clear as day in her own handwriting. She wasn’t worming her way out of this one. I demanded to know why my wife was being dragged into any of this.

Autumn was quiet for a moment and her slender hands trembled a little as she tucked the ends of her jet-black bob behind her ears. She rubbed tenderly at her belly, but her voice was absent of all emotion as she spoke. “I don’t think you realize, sir, just how much danger Madam President has been in since the beginning. This isn’t the Julia Show, despite what that self-centered bitch clearly thinks.” She muttered.

I bit my tongue hard to keep myself from flying off the handle. I was the administrator in this situation, and she was my subordinate. I couldn’t lose my cool in a manner that was unprofessional, and I choked back the hiss that had settled in the back of my throat. “Explain.”

“I just did, sir. I left that note and picture just as I was instructed to. He’s threatening me…and our baby. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.” Autumn refused to make eye contact with me, and I drummed my fingers on the desk sharply. Our baby…she had to have been talking about Instructor Aki. That investigation had yet to bear any fruit, but the last thing I wanted to do was write the girl off the way the police had written off my daughter. “I doubt he’d tell you anything. If you ask Vivienne Almasy, she can show you. I’ve seen her Connect before.” 

That much I knew to be true. Vivienne had accidentally pulled me into memories once before, and I knew I probably wasn’t the only one. With everyone in those photos being deceased, going to Vivi about it actually wasn’t a half bad idea. “I’ll do that. Your father will be here to take you home shortly, take the day off to clear your head.” Autumn stood and started to fly from the room like a bat out of hell when I quickly held my hand up for her to wait. “Autumn look at me. Is there…anything you need? Is the baby okay?”

The young woman’s lips curled back in a viscous sneer that caught me off guard. “You’re not my uncle, remember? You’re my boss. Why the hell should you care?” That was fair, I didn’t have anything to add and I let her leave my office without another word. There was a part of me that felt like I had failed her, but I wasn’t her father. I had to step back and let Raijin parent his own flock, I had enough to deal with within my own growing family.

I had gone from having no one in the world to having a sister, a wife, four children, and two grandchildren. Sometimes I still didn’t know what to do with all the love and the worry that came with that. I loved them all desperately. Even my son’s child, tucked away inside of Garnet where they had absolutely no business being. We were all worried to death about her and the baby, she had been bed-ridden for several days. I sighed. It seemed things were going to get worse for our family before they got any better.

I had to wait until I got off work before I could head to Seymour National, so it was dark by the time I arrived. Seifer was lounging on the porch with his old hound dog, Aonir, and smoking a cigarette. He flicked a long smattering of ash at me as I approached the steps and frowned. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I eyed the fat hunting dog with disdain as her droopy eyes glared daggers into my boots, as if she were keen to attack but too lazy to muster the strength. It was bad enough he’d given the dog some pitiful reverse spelling of my wife’s name in an attempt at hiding his decades old obsession with her. He thought I wouldn’t notice, but I wasn’t stupid, and I tried not to let it bother me as I jammed my hands into my pockets. “I need to see Vivi, please. I’d like to talk to her about some things.”

Seifer narrowed his seafoam eyes at me and puffed his chest out like he was something to be afraid of. “You don’t get to just show up here and demand to speak with my kid. You’re looking to use her like people used my Ellone, and it ain’t happening. I already told Raijin’s kid the same.”

Raijin’s kid? My blood ran cold. He better had been talking about one of the girls. “Seifer, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but there was no one my sister loved more than our father. I think she’d want Vivi to help the investigation, if she could.”

Seifer slid off the porch and stalked toward me so quickly that I stumbled backward with my hand planted firmly on the Cutting Trigger. His moods had always been unpredictable, and I was never sure when I was going to get cocky Seifer or dangerous Seifer…or both. “Let me make something very clear. I tolerate you because you have ties to both great loves of my life. We are _not_ friends, we never were, and you’ll want to watch yourself before making any demands of my teenage daughter. I’ll tell you this much, and this is just out of respect. Rai’s nosey daughter has been poking around here bothering Viv, asking her all sorts of questions.”

I wasn’t sure I followed, but Seifer silenced me with a gesture before I could get a word in edgewise. “Back when Rinoa and Felicia were at the Shumi Village a story was leaked to the papers about the breach in trade agreement, you remember that?” Bile rose in the back of my throat and I nodded slowly. “Vivienne accidentally accessed Rinoa’s memories and drug me in with her, so I knew we were in trouble with the Shumi before Noa ever boarded the train. Felicia wouldn’t tell her kids anything about where she was going, so Autumn was badgering Viv about it. Vivi wouldn’t say anything, but Autumn was really bothering her about Connecting…”

“Seifer what have you done?” I barely recognized my own voice as I spoke. Somehow, I knew. I knew he had done something terrible. His expression was blank, stoic, but his eyes were twisted with something nasty. Something was gnawing at him, and for Seifer, that was rare. Guilt and remorse weren’t exactly his strong suits.

I was a girl dad twice over, I understood the deep innate need to protect a daughter, but Seifer was a textbook narcissist. He’d take any opportunity he could to shield himself and further his goals under the guise of being a protective father. It made me sick. I’d have given anything I had, my life included, for both of my girls. Seifer wasn’t prepared to do the same. He never had been. Seifer clenched his hands into tight fists and refused to meet my gaze as he spoke. “Autumn offered me an almost outrageous sum of Gil to tell me what I’d seen. Vivi had let it slip that she’d been Connecting with me at night. I don’t know where she got the money and I don’t care, we were about to lose the farm…”

“You sold us out to the Maniacs for Gil you sick son of a bitch.” I swung at him, but he saw it coming a mile away and twisted my arm around as he blocked it from making contact with his fat face. I didn’t feel the pain and I tugged the Cutting Trigger loose with my free hand to take a swipe at him from the other side. “What else have you told them?! Are the lies being spread about my daughter just another cash grab for you too?”

“Not all of us made it as SeeD’s!” Seifer roared. “Some of us actually have to live and work in the real world, and I have a kid I have to feed. I didn’t tell the press shit about your daughter, not everything revolves around you. I gave Autumn the information about the Shumi that she asked for, she paid me, and that was the end of it. The rest is on her, the media is probably how she earned her Gil back.”

There was a deep bitterness in his voice as he spat the words ‘your daughter’ and I jammed my gunblade into his back hard enough to knock him off kilter. I swung at his face again and reveled in the wet pop that sent blood pouring from his nose down the front of his tattered white trench coat. I was surprised he could still fit in it. Seifer would never accept Julia as his niece, never, and that was just something I was going to have to accept. He thought she should have been his, along with her mother, and even after he all but married my sister, the issue persisted. He was cordial with Noctis and Rosie, but Julia? In his eyes she was the reason he never won Rinoa back.

That alone was reason enough for me to suspect he was lying. Where would a twenty-three-year-old kid get that kind of Gil? Autumn’s SeeD rank wasn’t anything to sniff at. No, he was using his child and his best friend’s child to hide behind the fact that he stabbed me in the back. I kicked Seifer in his ribs hard and he let out a low groan as I stepped over his pudgy body to knock on the screen door. Funnily enough, his so-called guard dog didn’t move a muscle to come to his defense. “Vivi, sweetheart? It’s your uncle, I need to talk to you.”


	80. Chapter 80

I could hear Seifer groaning, and out of shape as he was I knew he’d be down for a while. Weight gain aside, Seifer had been smoking for the better part of twenty years. He wasn’t going anywhere. That gave me ample time to speak to Vivi as I walked into the cluttered kitchen, nearly tripping over several boxes of junk that had been collecting dust since Seifer initially bought the place. I swore under my breath, but I smiled when I caught sight of my niece. She was living in a pigsty with a deadbeat for a father, and yet she was smiling ear to ear at me over a cup of tea from where she was seated at the kitchen table. It was Ellone’s smile and I missed it more than she’d ever know.

“Uncle Squall! To what do we owe the pleasure? Would you like some tea? Where’s Aunt Rinoa?” The teenager stood to grab the kettle before I could answer her and I chuckled as I leaned my back against the doorframe. My old leather bomber jacket squeaked in protest as I folded my arms across my chest and I did my best to smile back at her.

“Someone’s full of questions today.” I murmured. Vivienne wrapped her long blonde braid into a bun and tugged the grey sleeves of her nightshirt over her hands before slowly pouring the piping hot liquid into a dainty teacup. Every time I saw her I wondered how Seifer had ever made such a well behaved little girl. She’d always been tender hearted and far kinder than either of her parents were. I had to assume it was Marina and Terra’s influence. “I came to ask you for a favor, if you’re up for it.”

That seemed to pique the girl’s interest and she raised her platinum eyebrows at me in surprise. The child was not a SeeD and I think sometimes she felt a little left out of the family. She lived an hour away from all of us, up to her eyeballs in farm work. “Really? I wanna help! Tell me what I can do, Uncle Squall!”

“If you’re not comfortable with it, please tell me. I love you, and I’d never ask you to do something you’re not cool with. But I need…I was hoping you’d take me through some memories with you.” I asked softly. I placed the evidence bag with the pictures inside between us on the table. “If I can figure out what was going on in the past, it might help me understand what happened to your grandfather.” Vivienne was quiet all of a sudden and she picked the photos up gingerly, as if she were afraid to touch them. She frowned slightly and I was half afraid I’d traveled all that way for nothing. I should have called first.

Vivi hummed and trailed her fingernails along the plastic. I hated to ask this of her. She was so young, and my stomach twisted in knots at the thought of ever abusing her gifts the way Ellone had been abused. Seifer had a point in that respect. He and Ellone had been repeatedly tormented and tortured over those gifts, and he and Viv were the only survivors. She didn’t remember any of it, of course, but that didn’t make me feel any better. “I don’t have very good control of it, but I’m willing to try, if you’re okay with not knowing where we’ll end up.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. I knew there was a good possibility we wouldn’t find anything of use out at all. Her powers were new and she was inexperienced. It was a shot in the dark, but it was my _only_ shot. I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted justice for my parents as badly as Julia did. “Your mother…she could only Connect with people she had met before. Is that going to be a problem?”

Vivi shook her head. “No. Sorceress Adel bred my parents specifically for a reason. Daddy has Adel’s blood in his veins and Mommy had her gift. She was trying to create the perfect sorceress.” I had no idea Vivienne was privy to any of that information and I was stunned for several moments. I knew there was no way in hell Seifer had told her, he couldn’t even talk with me about it. Marina had to have told her the truth. “Being born a Sorceress as I was, the gift I inherited from my mother is enhanced. All I need is a face. Sometimes not even that.”

To say I was impressed was an understatement. Adel had thought Ultimecia was the perfect heir, but she couldn’t Connect at all thanks to the abuse she had suffered by Odine’s hands. I was so grateful we had ended that reign of terror. She’d have never stopped hunting Vivienne if she knew what she was clearly capable of. “And you’re sure you’re—”

Vivienne flashed a radiant smile and laughed as she took another sip of her tea. “Relax, Uncle Squall. I’m sure. You want to know why Nana was in this picture, right? Let’s find out.” I nodded and I couldn’t help but grin at the kid’s confidence. Maybe she had a little piece of her old man after all. Something good. She slipped her soft hands into my own and a familiar intense sleepiness washed across my body. I tried to look at her, but my eyes rolled to the back of my skull and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the same chair, in a different body.

(What? Why am I…still in the Almasy’s kitchen?) I looked down at my hands to find them not my own and a quick glance to the window adjacent the sink told me everything I needed to know. The glean of my reflection was staring back at me, and I was stuck inside of Seifer’s body. He was much slimmer, and his eyes were swollen and red as he rubbed them on the sleeve of his trench coat. (Huh. I didn’t know Seifer even _could_ cry.)

Seifer was cradling a phone between his shoulder and his ear and his body shook with a pain that I could feel swelling hot in the center of his gut. “Please…please just let me have my baby, let me have my little girl. She’s all I got in this world, you know that?” He bleated. It was the most pitiful and raw I had ever seen him be. I was sure it was only because the house was vacant and cold. There was no one around to see the great white knight crumble.

The voice on the other line was female, but I didn’t recognize her. She sighed into the receiver harshly and it blew loud static straight into Seifer’s ear. “Listen, Mr. Almasy. It’s wonderful that you’re out on good behavior. I know you did that for Vivienne. The fact of the matter is, we’ve been to inspect your house twice and it’s still not fit for a child to live in. It’s dirty, it’s not child proofed, your finances are---”

“My finances are none of your business. I’m working it out, I just started a new job, and Vivi’s room is all set up and waiting for her now. She’ll love it, it’s her favorite color, and I g-got lots of toys sent to me from Rinoa that her daughter outgrew. She’s the p-president, you can ask her, I’m fit. I’ve taken all the classes the court said I had to—”

“And that’s not enough, Mr. Almasy.” The woman bit back, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Vivienne needs to grow up in an environment where she can thrive, do you understand?”

Seifer’s heart felt like it was breaking all over again and his words were garbled as he attempted to speak. I hadn’t felt a pain quite like it since I thought I had lost Julia all those years ago. The social worker he was speaking to was not being empathetic to Seifer’s situation at all, and it was even burning _me_ up inside. He bit his tongue hard and the unmistakable copper taste of blood filled his mouth. “I can do that. I can be everything she needs. I’m her father.”

“Then prove it.”

The screen door opened and a sweet little voice filled the house as Vivienne trailed inside behind Marina and Terra. Marina had a chunky baby on her hip and Vivi looked to be about ten years old, which would have put us at about seven years into the past. “Daddy! Daddy I’ve missed you!” Seifer’s heart leapt into his throat and he hung up the phone so fast I thought he might actually throw it.

“Baby! Come here, come to Daddy.” Seifer scooped Vivi up into his arms and peppered her face all over with desperate kisses. I had never seen him act like that before in my life. (At least I know he loves her.) I seemed to think that a little too loudly and Seifer’s thoughts shot back at me nastily. _Of course I love her. Get outta my head. I didn’t ask to be judged by any goddamn fairies._

__ (Uncle Squall?)

I could hear the faintest sniffle of Vivi’s thought’s, like the memory had made her cry, and I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around her. (Do you know how we got here?)

(No, I didn’t mean to bring us here. I’ve been working on the connection, though, I think I’ve got it.)

(Hey…before we switch…Viv, I’m so--)

(It’s okay. We have to hurry, he’s already aware that we’re here. Gimme just a sec.)

The connection was quiet for a moment and even Seifer’s thoughts were eventually drowned out by the sound of absolute stillness. The scenery around me faded away and I was left in a void alone to process my own thoughts. I was…maybe too hard on Seifer. Six of his children were dead and the only one he had left spent the first ten years loving on him between iron bars. I…wouldn’t have survived losing even one of my children.

Vivi was taking a long time and I was starting to panic. The tar-like nothingness was not unlike the hole I found myself in during Ultimecia’s time compression and the sensation of being lost without a soul in the world was terrifying. I was crawling out of my skin and I longed to see that lone lily-white feather that had saved my life on more than one occasion. I smiled at the thought. I missed Rinoa and I couldn’t wait to go home to her. Especially now that we were expecting our fourth child.

I wanted to hear Rinoa’s voice, and thankfully, it looked like my wish was about to be granted as new surroundings finally painted my vision. I could hear my wife clear as day and I recognized my surroundings immediately. We were in the Forest Owl’s old train base, in the grossly pink room she had decorated herself. Julia would have loved it. As far as I remembered, that base had been destroyed during the original Timber job, but Rinoa was very heavy with child as she waddled around with Angelo. (What the hell…)

I couldn’t tell whose body I was in at first, but their heart was skipping beats as they watched my wife trail her hands down the perfectly round bump that could have only been our first child. Her wedding band glistened in the pale light and the bitter sting of jealousy roiled tightly within the person’s belly. At first I thought it must have been Seifer, but Rinoa never would have been alone with him during that period of her life. “Zone...you know why I can’t do that. I’m about to be a mother.” 

_ Yeah,  _ Zone thought bitterly,  _ the mother to some mongrel SeeD. You deserved better, Rinoa.  _ Anger rolled off of me in thick peels and a spark of jealousy of my own settled deep into my being. Who the hell was Zone to pass judgement on my unborn child? (If you ever touched her I swear to god…) 


	81. Chapter 81

“I just don’t understand. You promised you’d come back and the Forest Owl’s would liberate Timber _together._ Watts and I went through all the trouble of rebuilding the base exactly as you’d remember it. You’re our princess. You don’t belong to Squall, he almost got you killed.” Zone hissed. “I told him to protect you and he failed.”

Rinoa’s expression soured and a flicker of satisfaction pricked my middle. I wanted her to be angry. I didn’t like that he was this close to her without me being nearby. I had worked so hard to keep her safe while she was pregnant with Julia and I didn’t trust Zone. “Failed? Is that what he did?” Rinoa rubbed her belly again and I longed to feel the sweet kicks I knew were fluttered just beneath the surface. The months we were expecting Julia were some of the happiest of my life. “Last I remembered he was my Knight, all he’s ever done is protect me. Is this about the Owl’s or something else?” She accused.

Zone sighed. Angelo was snarling at him and he almost lost a finger as he knelt to pet her soft head. _I’m in love with you. That’s what it’s about._ Zone groaned to himself inwardly. “What else would it be about? You’re letting that mercenary take over our dream. I know it was Watt’s idea that he build a garden here, and I think it’s great that Timber has protection now, we needed it. But the Garden contract is filled now, he can leave, and you can come home. We have to finish this out.”

It took every ounce of strength in my body not to explode inside his head. In love with her? Where the hell did he get off? He barely knew Rinoa. She stayed with the Forest Owls for a single summer before she met me, and she had spent every day of her life since then at my side. Zone had never had any right to be in love with her, less so than even Seifer. Rinoa stepped several paces away from him and rocked slightly. I could tell that she was uncomfortable, and I wanted to reach for her hand. “That mercenary is my husband, and he has a name.” She snapped. “You understand that, don’t you? I married Squall, Zone, I’m not off playing some sort of game. I’m the mother of his child. I love him. Timber is liberated and I’m affiliated with the Garden now, technically. I’m not coming back. Squall and I are as much Forest Owls as—”

Zone cut her off, feigning pain in his stomach as he doubled over. I had always known he was faking those stomach aches and I’d have rolled my eyes if I’d been inside my own body. “Owwww. See what you’re d-doing to me? If you leave this base, Rinoa Heartilly, you’re no longer an Owl. And Squall _never_ was!” He lamented covetously. It was eating him alive inside that she didn’t love him, I could feel it burning inside.

Tears pricked Rinoa’s eyes, but she held her chin high. That was my girl. “That is _not_ my name. I will always be an Owl, you can’t take that from me. The Forest Owl’s aren’t _your_ operation Zone, they belong to the people. My people. Anyone who fought for Timber is an Owl.”

“Watt’s and I made a mistake. You really think Timber will accept a Galbadian as president for long? Isn’t that where your precious Squall is from, too? You don’t belong here.” Zone’s feelings were hurt, but Rinoa didn’t let his lashing wound her heart. She wasn’t getting sad, she was getting angry, I knew the expression on her face well.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. If you’ll excuse me, I have a husband to go meet for lunch. And Zone…you can lose my number while you’re gone.” Rinoa turned on her heel and stormed from the room, snapping her fingers for Angelo to come trotting after her. _You’ll be the one whose sorry I feel that way._ I didn’t like the thought that crossed his mind and I almost lost my composure as his phone vibrated in his pocket. The incoming call was from Auron Lister and Zone glanced around nervously before sliding to unlock his phone.

“Uncle Auron?”

The Connection was disrupted suddenly, and I was violently thrown back inside my body as pain exploded on the right side of my skull. _No!_ I thought angrily. We were on the cusp of finding out something important. Auron Lister was in that picture with Matron, and he was the same man who made the attempt on Rinoa and Julia’s lives at the Summit in Deling City. Zone and Watts hadn’t shown their faces in Timber in seventeen years, but the last time they had, they had told us that Auron was their uncle. That wasn’t a surprise. But Zone being in love with Rinoa? That potentially changed everything. What if they had been in on it from the beginning?

It was too much for my head to process as it swam from the impact of whatever had struck me. I felt my body roll onto the floor as I gathered my surroundings. There was a ringing in my ears, and when I opened my eyes, Seifer’s already bruised and blood-crusted face was breathing raggedly over me. Bastard had struck me. “You good for nothing son of a—”

“I told you to leave my kid alone!” He growled. Seifer’s boot made contact with my ribs and I felt one of them pop out of place with an ease that hadn’t been there in my youth. I wheezed, but I couldn’t even be angry as I hoisted myself onto my knees. I’d done it to him first.

“Daddy stop it!” Vivienne shrieked. Seifer withdrew from me immediately and I could see the flash of hurt and panic that entered his eyes clear as day. He had fought and suffered for custody of her for so many years. He was terrified that she was going to figure out he wasn’t worth anything and leave him like he deserved. Seifer was a better dad than he felt like, I had just witnessed that first hand, and I grumbled as I forced my aching torso upright and clamored to my feet.

“…whatever. I’m alright, Viv.”

Seifer snaked an arm around his daughter’s waist and it pleased him when she didn’t pull away. Vivi was an affectionate girl and she snuggled her cheek against her father’s chest. “Please don’t be angry. I just wanted to help him, I miss Papa Laguna.”

Dad might not have been Ellone’s biological child, but he had treated her as such, and Vivienne was raised to believe from the get-go that he was her grandfather. She loved him just as much as my own kids did, and she deserved to be included. Seifer sighed. “Oh, angel, I’m not mad. I could never be mad at you.” Seifer rubbed her back absently and swiped at the flaky blood on his face. “Your uncle and I just have a…complicated relationship.”

That was an understatement. “I was about to learn something important. I have no idea if we’ll be able to get back there.” My side really hurt, and I doubled over a little as I leaned my hip against the kitchen table. Damn. I really was getting old. “It involved Rinoa.”

I knew that would get Seifer’s attention and he narrowed his eyes at me. “…what about her?”

I shrugged. “Apparently Zone was in love with her. I think he might be trying to hurt her. Something Autumn said…” All roads lead to Rinoa Heartilly. I grimaced deeply and Seifer’s forehead creased a little as he continued to rub soothing circles along his daughter’s back.

“And you think it’s all connected to Laguna and Matron’s murder?” He asked seriously.

I nodded. “I know it is. And somehow…what happened to Julia is, too.” My face must have flinched because Seifer’s expression softened considerably and he glanced down at his boots as he swallowed hard.

“I…understand what happened to the kid better than you know. Elle and I…” Seifer huffed. “It doesn’t matter. I sympathize, alright? If you think we can nail Rai’s bastard son to the ground, then I say we do it. I…want to help.”

I was shocked and I knew it bled onto my face as my mouth fell open slightly. Seifer rolled his eyes, but he didn’t quip at me as pure joy radiated from his child. “Really Daddy? I knew you’d understand!” Vivienne pressed a happy kiss to her father’s cheek and Seifer actually smiled. A genuine smile. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen that before.

Seifer wanted to keep his bad boy attitude intact, I could see him struggling with it as his face twitched. His smile went smug and he slid into a kitchen chair with a cocky expression that better suited his face. “You hear that, Squall? I’m a great dad.”

Vivienne was immune to her father’s shenanigans and his glibness went straight over her head as she continued to cuddle into his side. “The best, Daddy.” She affirmed. I wanted to wipe that undeserved confidence off his face, but I wouldn’t have dared do it in front of his kid. He wanted to help, and that was going to have to be enough for me. I sat back down, and my niece extended a hand to each of us. “I don’t know if I can find that specific memory again, but I’ll try my best to get the information we’re looking for.”

Seifer face planted first and I almost felt sorry for his broken nose as it smashed into the table. I was a little weary of being trapped in a Connect session with my rival. Zell and Selphie were one thing, but Seifer was insufferable when he was conscious, I couldn’t imagine how he’d be asleep. I wasn’t given the opportunity to protest as I faded into nothingness and my nostrils filled with the pungent scent of alcohol. I definitely wasn’t anywhere near Rinoa this time. I couldn’t hear or smell her, and she had never been a drinker.

I was disappointed at first, until I realized where I was. (Vivienne you really struck gold this time…hold this memory for as long as you can, sweetheart.)

(Sure thing, Uncle Squall.)

(…don’t tell my daughter what to do.)

I rolled my eyes internally at the echo of Seifer’s thoughts and I realized quickly that we were having an out of body experience this time, observing the scene outside of any one person. I recognized the room from the picture Cid and Matron were in, and I scanned it for any chance sighting of them. We were in what looked like a ballroom, but it wasn’t any of the Garden’s. I couldn’t place our location, but Seifer’s thoughts were buzzing somewhere beside me.

(Squall, on your left, look.)

I followed the sound of Seifer’s voice and sure enough, there Matron stood in that little cocktail dress, several years younger than we ever remembered her. I had never entertained the notice that Zone or Watts were several years older than Rinoa and I, but I could hear Auron bosting loudly that he was now the proud uncle of two little boys. Matron was sloppy drunk and she was hanging onto his shoulder as she nearly toppled out of her stilettos. “B-Both your sisters had a baby?” She slurred.

Auron puffed his chest out with a pride that made me sick. I didn’t want to think of him as a human being. He’d almost taken everything from me. “Sure did, just one month apart from one another. I’ve got picures if you want to see the fat little things.”

Matron loved children and her amber eyes lit up with pure bliss for a split second before Victor Corona clamped a hand down on Auron’s shoulder from behind. Even eight years before my birth the man looked older than he was, and his long black ponytail was already greying. I couldn’t even see him, but I could feel Seifer tensing. He and Ellone had spent time with Victor that I couldn’t even imagine. “Auron, enough. We aren’t here to socialize. Oryx and Cid will be here any minute.”


	82. Chapter 82

Auron rolled his eyes at Victor lazily as the taller man pulled Edea sloppily into his arms. Her head rolled like a ragdoll and she giggled as she fell face first against his chest. (Did Matron actually…date this sleaze?) Victor’s hands wandered where they shouldn’t, and Matron’s giggles were hysterical before he violently shoved her off him. Matron was too drunk to stand, and she stumbled backward into Cid, who had been nervously approaching her from behind. “I don’t like clingy women. I thought I told you that.” He sneered.

Cid broke her fall and ran his fingers through her hair for a moment as he took a nice long wiff. If I had been in my body I would have puked. They were treating her like she was a doll, not a human being. (Ugh…what the hell is he wearing?) Seifer’s thoughts weren’t far off from my own. Cid was shoved into some god awful yellow and purple argyle sweater and freshly pressed brown slacks. He didn’t exactly look like he belonged at whatever party this was as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Maybe don’t push the lady.” Cid muttered softly.

“Or what?” Victor’s voice dropped low and he leaned toward Cid with a nasty leer painted around his mangled teeth. His eyes were the color of yellowing wallpaper and they were viscous as he stared down his nose at the portly man.

Liquid squelched down Cid’s pants leg and I could hear Seifer swear under his breath. (Hate to break it to ya, Squall. We were raised by a coward.) Yeah, no kidding. I wished Seifer would be quieter. It was getting hard to focus. Cid was cowering away from Victor and Auron shoved the other man back slightly. “Hey. Quit being a dick. I actually kinda like the little square. He’s got…class.”

Victor snorted. “Like him all you want, he’s a liability. What is with you tonight, Edea? You said this fool would have a safe place for us to work. It’s crawling with people and you’re sloshed out of your mind.” Matron opened her mouth to say something, but Victor drew his arm back and struck her across the face hard. She fell backward against Cid and they both toppled over into the floor. The weight of Cid’s body put too much pressure on Matron’s stomach, and she ralphed all down the front of his ugly sweater.

“O-Oh my god…I’m so s-sorry!” She hiccupped pathetically.

Cid smiled in that fatherly way he always had and I wanted so badly to knock his blocky chin straight off his face. If I’d known he was such a lazy terrible Knight as a teenager like I knew now, I never would have admired him. “No, m-ma’am, here, please. It’s okay.” He smoothed Matron’s hair back and dabbed at them both with a white handkerchief he pulled from his trouser pocket. “Don’t be angry with her, Victor. This is my doing. I know Edea Coulson’s family is kind of…wild…so when she asked if you lot could come over tonight I assumed we were having a party.”

Victor looked as if he might blow a fuse but Auron’s smile was easy and he wrapped an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “Who’d have known Cid Kramer knew how to throw one, too. This is wild. Don’t worry about my friend here, he just needs to get laid. Go take Edea to the bathroom or something Victor, lay her down and pump one out, you’re a dick when you’re like this.”

(Excuse me?!) I couldn’t help the anger that exploded inside of me and I was thankful we weren’t inside anyone’s body. They would have heard me clear as day, for sure. No one was going to stand there and casually talk about forcing my mother to do things with them while intoxicated. I couldn’t allow it. I was about to purposefully disconnect when a hooded figure suddenly and slowly approached the circle of friends. Their countenance was small and stout and I knew a Shumi was underneath when they extended a completely covered hand for Auron to take.

“About time you showed up.” Victor muttered under his breath. Auron elbowed him in the ribs and the stranger chuckled to himself at the display.

I felt a weird crawling sensation along my spine, and I wanted nothing more than to disappear. I wanted back in my body. There was something about that Shumi that I didn’t like. I knew I wasn’t the only one that felt it. Seifer and Vivienne’s energies were drawing closer to me, as if they were slowly inching away from the scene. “Where is Oryx, Xystus? He’s late.”

“That is what I have come to report. Oryx will not be joining us tonight. He’s busy meeting with Quinn tonight about our arrangement with the Trepe family. We’ll proceed from here on our own.”

Auron’s smile finally fell and a sliver of the nastiness I knew to knew to be inside of him curled across his face. “The Orderless doesn’t need—”

Xystus held up a both of his hands to silence Auron. “You will not tell me what the Orderless does and does not need. Oryx will decide the fate of the blue mages, not you.”

I was desperate for more information, but the memory was getting hazy and I knew we were waking up. Vivienne was tired and I had no right to ask any more of her. (Uncle Squall…I can’t…)

(It’s okay, sweetheart. Disconnect.)

The memory left us with more questions than answers and when I woke blood was slowly trickling from Vivi’s nose. She looked disoriented and her blue-green eyes were glassed over. I had pushed her too hard. Guilt tore at my stomach and Seifer barked at me to get out as he pulled his daughter into his arms. “I think you’ve done enough, Squall. Just go.”

I bowed my head slightly and I patted the girl’s hand before her father swatted me away. Vivienne tried to smile at me and sighed gently as she curled up under her father’s arm. “Uncle Squall…I hope you find what you’re looking for, truly. I’ll help again whenever I can.”

I was half dead by the time I made it back to the house. My head hurt from overstimulation and my heart was in tatters. What did Quistis’s adopted family have to do with anything? When was anything going to start making sense? I pressed a hand to my forehead and grimaced deeply as I kicked my boots off at the door. I was prepared to make a b-line for the medicine cabinet to soothe my aching mind but I was bombarded the moment I stepped into the living room. “Squall!”

Nothing but more guilt wrapped around my insides as I realized I hadn’t told Rinoa I wouldn’t be straight home after work. It was passed midnight now, and she was perched on the couch in her pajamas bawling into one of my shirts. She flung herself from the cushions with a speed that was impressive for her age and condition and she body slammed into my own as she nuzzled her head under my chin. “O-Oh, Noa…Noa baby I’m sorry.” I had turned my phone off when I got to Seifer’s. I was sure I had a thousand missed calls. I gnawed on my bottom lip and reached to delicately pet her tiny baby belly that was already poking out from between her hips. “Breathe, babe, breathe for our son.”

Rinoa shook her head no and her body was trembling violently in my arms as she clung to me tighter. I had never once in our marriage neglected to come straight home after work without telling her. Rinoa was a worrier, and with everything that had been going on I didn’t a bit blame her. If it had been the other way around, I’d have been shredding Aria North looking for her by now. “My blood work came back t-today. It’s not a boy. It’s a g-girl.” She whimpered. “Where w-were you, Squally?” My heart shattered and I pressed a kiss into her hair as my eyes pricked with tears.

I had forgotten. Rinoa had a doctor’s appointment to check on the baby that afternoon. I was a horrible husband and an even worse father. This was probably going to be our last child before we were too old to have anymore, and I wasn’t being present for it. “Noa, baby look at me. I’m so sorry. I had a lead on Laguna’s murder and I…I should have called you before I followed it down a rabbit hole.”

“I t-thought something had happened.” She wept. “You would never miss a ch-chance to see our babies…never! The heartbeat was always your f-favorite.” Rinoa was getting snot all over my chest, but I didn’t care. I trailed sweet kisses from the top of her head to the base of her neck and kneaded her back gently with my fingers.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. I hate that I missed it, I…I’m an awful…is there any way I can make it better?” I was struggling to maintain my composure and I buried my nose into her hair as a small sob forced its way through my lungs. “I’m so happy it’s a girl,” I offered gently. “I was excited for a son, but I’m best at being a girl dad. I bet she was beautiful in there.”

I didn’t know how else to comfort her. I felt awful. Any times I had ever made Rinoa cry in my lifetime were among my very worst memories. I hated that feeling. She was my world. Rinoa sniffled. “She looked like a little orange…perfect tiny round ball. I don’t know why I can’t feel her powers yet, but I don’t c-care. Squall she was so…her little heart sounded so strong…” Rinoa was going to make herself sick if she didn’t stop crying and she didn’t fight me as I scooped her into my arms bridal style.

“Shhh. It’s okay. I’m home and I’m safe, and I’m gonna take the day off tomorrow and spend it here with you, okay?” Rinoa’s eyes went wide and another tight coil of guilt punctured my stomach. She was shocked because in almost twenty-four years I had never once done that. I wouldn’t hesitate to take a day here or there to take care of our kids, but Rinoa? She and I didn’t just take days off work for each other. Why? That was going to change. “I love you.”

Rinoa dropped the shirt she had been cuddling and snuck her hands up the one I was wearing to be closer to me. Her hands were like ice and I shivered slightly, but I didn’t dare ask her to remove them. “I love you too. Please never do that again. I was so worried.”

“I promise. I’ll take you with me next time, if it’s not too dangerous. We’ll find out who did this as a family.” I brought one of her hands to my lips and pressed a kiss to our wedding band. It was a vow. I was her Knight. I had no business leaving her alone at the house for as long as I had anyway, regardless of how desperately I had missed her. “Let’s get you to bed, it’s late.”

I felt my wife smirk a little against my neck and she nuzzled into me deeper as she made herself comfortable in my embrace. “You better go in there and kiss Yuna goodnight. She cried for you for a good while. And when you’re done…you’re mine.” She trailed her fingernails down my arm and the sensation shot like a wildfire down my legs.

It killed me to know my little girl had been upset, but I was excited to spend alone time with my person. My emotions were complicated, and I frowned as I began the ascent up the stairs to our bedroom. Yuna-Rose was a pretty self-sufficient child, but she demanded her night time snuggles with daddy. She was going to be so angry with me in the morning. _That’s okay._ I thought to myself. _I’ll do something special for her tomorrow, too._ I wasn’t having any of my girl’s be sad on my watch. Not a one. I laid Rinoa down gently in the center of our bed and winked at her before dipping my hands between her legs for a good squeeze. “Yours is all I want to be, Noa. These clothes better be gone by the time I come back.”

Rinoa attempted to swat at me with a pillow as I walked away, and I laughed at the small whine she let out. “No fair! I’ll show you no clothes, mister!” Oh, I was counting on it, and I shook my head with no small amount of relief in my heart as I pushed the door open to my daughter’s bedroom. Everything was going to be alright. It had to be.


	83. Chapter 83

The following morning was lazy and that was a blessing after the night we had. Sun trickled in through the blinds and I turned my back to it, though it was too late. I could hear my youngest rummaging around in the kitchen cabinets already, and I knew if I didn’t get up now the entire house would be in shambles by noon. Yuna-Rose was the least well behaved of all our children, sweet as she was, and the mischief was both charming and frustrating in equal measure.

Rinoa was breathing steadily by my side and I rolled over once more to wrap my arm around her middle. I pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder and pulled the comforter up to her chin to keep her warm. It was July, but I worried about her anyway. She was a little older than the last time she swelled with my child, and poor circulation was only one box on the laundry list of possible risks I was worried about. I intended to slide from bed without waking her, but there was little chance of that. Rinoa and I both couldn’t sleep soundly without the other anymore. That had been true for several years now.

Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheek and she grunted a little as she reached for my hand. “Squally…”

“Let me make you breakfast.” I whispered. “It sounds like Yuna is already one step ahead of me.” Rinoa chuckled groggily and I kissed her cheek before tugging my pajama bottoms on and sauntering to the small island in the center of our kitchen. Yuna whipped around to glare at me and watching her narrow those grey-blue eyes was like looking in a mirror. She was the only of my children that didn’t have a trace of her mother anywhere in her features. She had my face, my hair, my eyes. I had known from the moment she was born she was going to be a handful. I swallowed hard. “Yuu-Yuu, Daddy is—”

Yuna-Rose belted out a tiny rage-filled whine and slammed the cabinet shut as she struggled to carry a family-sized box of Pupu Charms in her small arms. She clamored up onto a bar stool and smashed a plastic bowl down on the island with a whack that made me jump. I hadn’t expected my five-year-old to be able to exert that much force. I watched in mild amusement as she messily poured the sugary cereal into the bowl and slid back down to the floor to retrieve milk from the fridge.

I had just gotten milk a few days prior and I knew the jug was full. “Yuna, baby, that’s much too heavy. Let Daddy—” I trailed off as I watched her sweet little face turn beet red. Her lips twisted and quivered like she was going to cry and she all but hissed at me as she jerked the refrigerator door open. It hurt to see her so upset and I wasn’t sure what to do as she stood on her tip-toes and forced the gallon of milk down off the middle shelf.

Yuna’s tiny arms couldn’t support the weight and she started to cry as she dropped it in the floor. I shushed her gently and went to grab for it but she swatted at my hand as she choked on her own sob. “NO! I want Mommy! M-Mommy!!” Rinoa stumbled from our bedroom so quickly she almost lost her balance and she scooped our child up into her arms like she was weightless.

“Oh, my baby, what’s wrong? Come up for air, beautiful.” Rinoa crooned. I could have listened to her talk to our children all day, every day. There was something about the maternal tone her voice took that melted my entire heart. I loved the way she adored our children. She loved them in ways I never knew as a child and it meant everything to me to see that.

A small pit of worry pricked my stomach as I watched her bend to reach for the milk with our child on her hip. She was only three months pregnant. I was terrified she was going to hurt herself. I started to protest but she already had the jug by the handle and hoisted it up onto the island next to the brightly colored box of cavities my daughter had chosen for breakfast. She automatically poured it for the little girl and carried her around to the stool to sit her down. Rinoa wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled down at her with a love that warmed the entire room. “Is that better, baby? Was the milk too heavy?”

Yuna-Rose sniffled and nodded as I attempted to slowly inch toward her. I wanted to know what I’d done to make her so angry with me. “Yuu-Yuu, would you please tell Daddy what’s wrong? I can’t fix it if you don’t let me.” I placed a hand gently on the back of her head and you’d have thought I shot her. Yuna let out a high-pitched wail and smashed her face down into her cereal. Tacky marshmallows were sticking in her hair and I fanatically pulled her up by her shoulders before she drowned herself in Chocobo milk.

“Yuna-Rose Leonhart!” Rinoa scolded, muttering under her breath as she stomped off to grab some paper towels. That only made the child cry harder and her face was blue with lack of oxygen by the time her mother rematerialized to wipe her face. I watched a little fear touch my wife’s eyes. Neither of us had seen her this inconsolable before. Noctis had been our colicky baby, not her.

I pressed a hand firmly to my child’s belly and I was about to ask her if it hurt when she finally spilled what was wrong with her. “D-Daddy doesn’t w-want me anymore!” Her voice wobbled and strained with despair and my heart couldn’t have shattered more completely. I wasn’t asking permission, I pulled her off that stool and into my arms so fast I was half afraid I’d given her whiplash. Surprisingly she didn’t fight me, and I threaded my fingers in her dark brunette hair as she pressed her little face into the crook of my neck.

“Why would you ever say that? I love you so much. You are my world.” Tears were running down my face before it even registered that I was crying. Had I not paid her enough attention? Was she jealous now that her mother, brother, and sister were having babies? Was I neglectful? “Yuu-Yuu…you’re so precious. I asked your mommy for you; do you realize that? I begged for you to exist. Please don’t say things like that.”

Yuna whimpered in my arms and I stroked her beautiful face as I bounced her in my arms. “T-Then why didn’t yoo come home wast night? I cwied for yoo and yoo didn’t c-come and I was s-scawed.” It suddenly dawned on me that she had never experienced that before. As long as she had been alive, I’d been home for dinner every night like clockwork. It wasn’t often I ever stayed late at Garden anymore and if I did it wasn’t for long. I didn’t like to leave my family alone for long stretches of time. I loved them and worried over them and especially now, knowing someone had broken into our house to steal from our daughter, I hated leaving any of them. No wonder she was afraid.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. Daddy didn’t mean to do that. Your cousin Vivi was helping me with something I’m working on for your Papa, and I didn’t realize how late it got. I promise I will never ever be late again, okay? I’ll be home every night to put you to bed, and you’ll be safe and sound. Deal? I love you.” I couldn’t say I love you enough times to make it better. If I didn’t feel like an awful father before, I certainly did now.

Yuna was quiet for a moment and I realized that she had popped her thumb in her mouth as she curled up into a tight ball against my chest. “I wove yoo too, Daddy. So don’t weave me, got it? Nana and Papa weft me. They never wanna see me anymore. Pwomise you’ll always want to see me? I’ll be good!”

There it was. The source of the fear. I hadn’t even considered that she was hurting over the loss of her grandparents. I knew she was far too young to understand the concept of death. To her, her grandparents had just vanished into thin air. “You’re a very good girl, you hear me? Your Nana and Papa didn’t leave because you were bad. It was time for them to be with god, sweetheart. That’s all.” I pressed a kiss to her temple and ran my fingers along her spine soothingly. “I promise I will never leave you. I want to see your pretty face every single day, forever. Okay?”

That seemed to cheer her up significantly, and she pulled back to smile at me. “Otay Daddy! I beweeb yoo!” Yuna-Rose placed her small hands on either side of my face and kissed both of my cheeks. They were slobbery kisses and her fingers were sticky with marshmallow, but I didn’t care. I’d take kisses from my little girl any day of the week. I looked up at Rinoa, whose face was suddenly sullen. She had taken Laguna’s loss hard, too. I knew it was destroying her that our children were upset, and I wanted to kiss her so badly as there was a firm knock on the door.

I knew it was Zell before I opened the door. I’d asked him to take Yuna to the Garden since I would be spending the day with Rinoa. I wanted my time with her to be uninterrupted and Yuna-Rose needed time in the classroom. She was an unruly child, and if she didn’t get used to the Garden environment now it was going to cause behavioral problems down the road. “Now Yuu-Yuu, your Uncle Zell is here to take you to school, okay? And I’ll make your favorite for dinner and have it waiting on you when you get home, how does that sound?”

Yuna-Rose’s large blue eyes widened and that spark I knew to belong to her and her alone finally washed across her face for the first time that morning. “T-Rexsaur chicken nuggets?!” I laughed and rubbed my nose against her own.

“The one and only.”

Yuna squealed happily and planted another wet kiss to my face before she wiggled out of my embrace to greet her godfather at the door. Zell had the kid up on his shoulders in no time at all and waved at us before disappearing behind the two large weeping willows that framed our driveway. I reached for Rinoa’s hand as we saw them off and I gave her a gentle squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay. Please don’t be sad. She’s just processing it as best she can, I think.”

I heard her sigh before I turned to look at her and I rested my forehead against her own as she smiled at me. “I think you handled that well. That was less about you and more about Laguna, I think. She did really miss you last night, though.” Rinoa glanced down at her feet and shifted uncomfortably. “I really missed you, too.”

“I know. I missed you more. Come here.” I pulled Rinoa closer to me and tugged her lips against my own. She always tasted so sweet and I groaned as I explored the familiar cavern of her mouth for what must have been the hundredth time. I felt her trace the long scar between my eyes with her fingertips and I smirked. She had always loved that scar, as much of a pain in my ass as it was. “What does my lovely wife want to do today?” I asked.

Rinoa snickered and leaned toward me with her hands behind her back. She was being playful all of a sudden and my heart stuttered inside my chest. I didn’t understand how she still had that affect on me twenty-three years down the road, but I never wanted it to stop. “I want to eat greasy food with my husband and do absolutely nothing at all. Just us.”

I snorted. I could see what else she was interested in doing, it danced behind those chocolate eyes like a wildfire and I wiggled my eyebrows at her as I reached for a skillet on the stove. “That can be arranged. Go lay down for me babe. Today is just for us. I promise.”


	84. Chapter 84

*Julia’s POV*

I didn’t sleep well the final night of our honeymoon. I was worried. Worried about Tadashi, worried about the news, worried about Soichiro. I was dismayed when the sun shone brightly through the dirty hotel windows and I felt my love stir around my body. Tatsuki definitely enjoyed being the big spoon, that was becoming apparent, and his entire body was wrapped around me. My belly was tucked into his arms like a basketball hoop and his long legs were entwined with my own as his entire front pressed hot and sticky against my backside. It was a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t want him to move. He made me feel like I was safe. Like the twins were safe.

I was amused by how quickly I had taken to Tadashi and I hummed. ‘The twins’ was now a phrase that popped naturally into my mind, as if I’d known there was two from the beginning. A mother’s love was something I was wholly underprepared for. I had never imagined I’d love something so aggressively after one little heartbeat, but I did. Twice over now, that had happened. I was so excited to be their Mommy, and that was terrifying. What if…what if I lost them?

I tried not to make myself sad. It was the final day before we had to go back to our normal everyday lives, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to see him every day. Tatsuki was a SeeD. He was going to be sent on missions, he couldn’t be out of contract work just because I was expecting. We needed the Gil. I was going to be out of work the remainder of my pregnancy once Dad got the news about Tadashi, I wasn’t stupid. I was going to be bored out of my mind at home missing my husband. Fate seemed to have a twisted sense of humor. “What are you overthinking about?”

That was a phrase I’d heard my mother ask my father so many times, and it made me laugh. Tatsuki’s hands rubbed up and down my belly and he pressed a happy kiss to my shoulder. I sighed and shrugged it off. “I dunno. I guess I’m just contemplating how much I love you. It’s going to suck when you go back to work. I want to be with you. I want to protect you.”

I was a gunblade specialist, but I knew my role within the party was largely support. I was a White Mage, it was easier for me to heal from the natural pool of magic in my body than it was for my teammates to waste a draw from their LOTUS on life magic or worse, waste hard earned elixirs. I liked knowing I could heal him and keep him safe. It made me feel useful. I could feel my husband frown against the skin of my arm, and he shook his head. “I love you too, and that’s exactly why you won’t be on the rotation until at least six weeks post birth. I know you want to come with me, but I promise, keeping the twins safe is better than any physical protection you could offer me. You’ll be at home protecting my heart.”

A tear rolled down my cheek and I swallowed hard. “I’m just going to miss you, is all I meant.” I knew I was being clingy, but Tatsuki didn’t seem to mind. I was half-expecting anger. Soichiro had always gotten angry when I was like that. Tatsuki just laughed and rolled me over so I could face him.

“I want you to miss me. That means our love is strong and you’ll be glad to see me when I get home.” I giggled a little and pressed the tip of my nose against his own as I struggled to get closer to him with my big belly in the way.

“Like I missed you when I was in Dollet.” I admitted softly. “You remember how hard I cried when I got off the train? It was because you were there waiting for me.”

I could tell that made Tatsuki happy and he sat up with the goofiest smile on his face. I struggled to follow suit and he placed a supportive arm around my waist so I could pull myself up into a sitting position. “You see? Fate brought us together. We’ve belonged to one another all this time, whether we were aware of it or not. Every time you miss me, just hold on to that. We’re living our destiny right now. Tatsuki and Julia Mamoru. And these twins are part of that…that’s why we had to wait. We couldn’t be together in the beginning, so that we could have them.” Trinity slammed her little body into the wall of my womb to get closer to the sound of her father’s voice and I grinned.

“You’re right. We were meant to be their parents. They wouldn’t be the same children if things had gone differently. I’m not thankful for what happened to me, but I’m thankful for the aftermath, does that make any sense?” It was a hard emotion to explain. I vehemently wished Soichiro had never touched me, and yet in the same breath, I felt beyond grateful for my babies. Not grateful to him, never, but grateful to Yevon. They were the light at the end of a terrible and all-encompassing tunnel.

Tatsuki massaged my shoulder blades and trailed a myriad of kisses down the side of my neck. “It makes perfect sense. These babies are separate from the act of violence that created them. What’s happening inside your womb right now, as we speak, is happening because you chose to love them. They are one hundred percent made with love and they will be born of love. Your body created them, not his.”

I had never anticipated being understood on a level that deep. My father had been my world for as long as I could remember and even he didn’t fully understand. I grabbed Tatsuki’s face and pulled him into a wild kiss, nibbling on his thick bottom lip as he tangled his fingers in my bedhead. “I love you so much.”

“I’ll never get used to hearing that. I love you too, Julie. I’ve always loved you so much.” Tatsuki petted my bangs back away from my face and grinned as Kingsley rolled his pudgy little body in between us. “I think I know what we should do today. Might solidify that this is…really real.” He suggested as he scratched the new puppy between his ears.

I rose my eyebrows expectantly at him and pulled the dog up onto my tummy so I could snuggle him as Tatsuki continued to give him scratches. “We’re husband and wife now. We’re not going to stay in your parent’s house forever. Once the danger has passed…you and I are going to need our own space.”

That was true. It would be nice to have our own home for the twins to grow up in. We couldn’t expect my parents to provide for us forever, they were approaching middle age. “You want to look at houses.” It wasn’t a question, I could see it in the coy way he refused to look at me. He was grinning with unbridled excitement and I coiled my fingers between his own happily. “Let’s do it!”

I was hesitant to put such a young dog on a leash, but we couldn’t leave him in the hotel room unattended, so Kingsley had to amble alongside us as best he could. He didn’t seem to miss his front paw, which was a relief, and he scrambled so quickly to keep up that you couldn’t even tell it was gone unless you squinted. We didn’t want to be terribly far from our family on either side, and both our parents lived on the Timber Metro side of the capital. The houses on the Timber Central side were cheaper, but they were the furthest from home and the hospital.

The plus side was, however, if we decided to live in the Timber Central district, we would be in closer proximity to Garden. Either way it didn’t matter much. It didn’t take any time at all to get from one end of Aria North to the other on foot, but it was something we had to discuss, regardless. I was leaning more toward living in the Central district, because it was furthest from where Raijin and Felicia lived. That made me feel a little guilty. I loved them, and I especially loved Felicia. She was like a real aunt to me growing up. But…her home was Soichiro’s home. It was Autumn’s home. The home where…my old life had died. No amount of loving her changed that. I would feel safer raising my twins with some distance between us and that house.

“What do you think about this one?” I asked, pointing at a picture printed in the newspaper as we walked aimlessly together along the cobblestone streets. It was very close in proximity to Timber Central Station and the pub and it looked to be two stories.

Tatsuki laughed. “Do you like that one because of the location or because the shutters are a faint pink?” I stuck my tongue out at him and giggled.

“Why not both? You’re about to be a girl dad, think of what Trinity would want.” I teased dramatically, earning a roll of his eyes as he fought a smirk.

Tatsuki placed a hand on where we knew Tadashi normally laid and glanced down at Kingsley, as if either of them were capable of answering him. “Don’t the boys and I get a say in the color of the shutters?”

Kingsley barked up at him stupidly with his little tongue hanging out of his mouth and my husband nodded as if the had voiced his opinion in solidarity. I let out a loud melodramatic groan and held the back of my hand to my forehead like I was going to faint. “The princess of Timber is being usurped, whatever will I do? My Knight refuses my affection!”

Tatsuki had been my best friend my entire life and he wasn’t stupid. His arms were already outstretched and waiting for me as I fell backward like I was deadweight. “You haven’t done this in over a year.” He mused, caressing the side of my face as he bent to kiss me back to life. “You’re finally you again.”

His words stunned me for a moment but…he was absolutely right. I hadn’t been myself since before the assault. Soichiro had worn down and tamed so much of what had made me me. With Tatsuki and the children I felt happy again for the first time in so long. Genuinely happy. “You’re the reason.” I whispered. I cupped his cheek with my hand and smiled. “You saved me.”

Tatsuki’s lips quivered and a single tear rolled down his cheek as he fought the sob building in his throat. “Oh J-Julie.” He kissed me hard and the salt from his tears mixed with our lips as he continued to dip me backward. He pulled me up straight carefully, but he didn’t dare break the kiss and his tongue rolled against mine with a hunger I’d only seen in him once before. It excited me, and I almost didn’t want to shop for houses anymore as he held me there. “We…we can have pink shutters, if you really want.”

I laughed. “Tatsuki, I was kidding, we don’t have to—”

Tatsuki was crying heavily now and it broke my heart as he tugged me into a tight hug. He rubbed my back and nuzzled his face sweetly against my neck. “You have no idea how happy you just made me. I want to look at that house. Please?” Tatsuki valued that I was returning to my old self more than I ever thought he would, and I pressed a tender kiss to his ear. I didn’t deserve him. I never would.

“Okay, baby.” I squeezed his hand. “Let’s go look at it, then.”


	85. Chapter 85

The old house smelled heavily of pine and must from where it had been unlived in for so long, and our babies did _not_ like it. I was nauseas, but I didn’t want to stop the tour of the house as my eyes poured over the beautiful kitchen. It was a relatively small house, but the kitchen made up the majority of the first floor. The light hardwood floors were beautifully stained, and the countertops were made of a gorgeous red and white marble. The cabinets were a slightly darker shade than the floor but equally as tasteful with little glass knobs and handles. The floor plan was open and when you stepped around the counter you were suddenly in the small living room.

The living room had a fireplace and a TV was mounted above it on the wall. Up the stairs there were three bedrooms in addition to the master bedroom, so we had plenty of room to expand our family, and there was a small bathroom on both levels. “Tatsuki this is…”

“Phenomenal.” He muttered, finishing my sentence as we wandered around the upstairs. Unlike the first floor, the upstairs was carpeted, and I was kind of glad for it. I was about to give birth, and by the time we moved out of my parent’s house, the twins would be Yevon only knew how old. They were going to need a soft spot to learn to crawl on. I didn’t want my babies bruising their little knees. “The twins will likely want to share a bedroom. I’ve heard identical twins are naturally very close. If that’s the case, we have room for two more babies.” His voice was hopeful as he spoke, and I squeezed his hand hard.

It was a promise. With as much love as I felt for the twins already, I knew I wasn’t going to want to stop there. Tatsuki and I were going to need those extra rooms, I was sure of it. “Even if they don’t want to share, maybe our other two kids will.” I agreed.

Tatsuki beamed and blushed at the floor as the realtor quickly turned his gaze away from us and our private conversation. “True, or if none of the kids want to share a room we can always add on to the house. That’s what your parents are doing.” That was true enough. My father had already started construction on several additional bedrooms while I was in the hospital, not including a giant pin outside for Mercy.

“What are you thinking, Tatsuki? Tell me honestly. Do you like it?”

I knew he could tell by the tone of my voice that I was in love with the house, but I was hesitant to admit it out loud. I knew the moment I told him I wanted it then it would be a done deal, and I didn’t want that. I wanted him to be happy wherever we decided to live and to be honest with me about it. Tatsuki didn’t answer me directly and he turned to look at the realtor, who was staring absently out the window to give us some space. “How much are you asking for it?”

The realtor glanced down at his clipboard and hummed. “We would take about 250,000 Gil for the house.” That wasn’t bad…not when a train ride out of town ran you 3,000 Gil a pop. Tatsuki turned to look at me seriously and reached for my hand.

“Julia look at me. Clearly, I think the house is wonderful. It’s a nice size for us, it’s simple but it’s elegant, and I can see it in your eyes that you like it, which is important to me. But what matters most is whether or not you could see us raising our family here.” Tatsuki put his hands on my bump again and smiled down at the twins like they were comprised of all the stars in our galaxy. “Tadashi and Trinity come first.”

I nodded. He was absolutely right. Whether or not we like the place didn’t matter if it wasn’t going to suit the needs of our children. It had plenty of bedrooms, the fluffy white carpeting upstairs was great for mobile babies and the counters in the kitchen were high enough off the ground that I didn’t think we’d have to worry about either twin pulling up on them and grabbing for things they shouldn’t. “We would need to baby proof the outlets and the doors on the bottom cabinets in the kitchen, but otherwise I think it’s kind of perfect for us, T.”

I was in love with the expression written on Tatsuki’s face. His dark eyes were sparkling with affection his lips were upturned into a lopsided grin. He scratched at the cute freckle on the end of his nose and he looked like he was about to break into a dance as he pulled a wad of Gil out of his wallet. “I think so, too. We’ll take it.”

I felt like I was glued to the floor all of a sudden and I stuttered as I struggled to find my voice. “R-Right now?” Realistically I knew it wouldn’t be on the market forever, but there was no way Daddy was going to let us leave while Soichiro was still at large. That had been the whole point of Tatsuki moving in with us to begin with. Daddy wanted us all under one roof, where he could protect us.

“Just to make it ours, Jules. We don’t have to move in until we’re ready. I just…I don’t want to sleep on it and then the house end up belonging to someone else by the time we’re looking for somewhere to raise the kids.” The realtor seemed shocked that my husband was ready to pay for it outright in cash, but he might not have been aware that Tatsuki was SeeD Commander. The man’s beady green eyes were bulging out of his skull.

I ignored the salesman and tapped my chin as I thought for a moment. “Hm. So we’d just have to pay for the water and electricity to be turned on when we were ready to move?” Tatsuki nodded and rubbed my arms softly. That didn’t sound like a half bad idea. It would alleviate some pressure down the road if we already knew we had a place of our own to call home. I smiled. “Let’s do it, then. If this is really what you want.” I pulled out my own wallet and pulled out at least half of what the asking price was. “But we’ll do it together, you aren’t paying for it alone.”

Tatsuki didn’t fight me on it, he understood that I wanted to pull my own weight. I felt guilty enough as it was being out of work for as long as I had been and would continue to be. We split the cost evenly and signed the deed to our first home. I knew we wouldn’t live there for quite a while, but butterflies fluttered in my stomach knowing that we had just made our first real step toward our new life together. Then again, that fluttering might have just been Tadashi, and I lost my breath a little as he rolled an undiscernible part of his body under my ribcage. Tatsuki frowned a little. “You okay?”

I realized I was breathing a little hard and I nodded. “I’m fine. Your son is just being squirrely.”

“You need to get off your feet.” Tatsuki acted like he was going to lift me, but I swatted his hands away gently. I didn’t want to make a mushy scene in front of the salesman, that was part of it, but mostly I was afraid if he jostled me too much I was going to pee on myself. I liked attention, but not the kind of attention that would surely come if that happened.

“I can walk, love. The babies need exercise.”

Tatsuki folded his arms across his chest. “They do _not_ need exercise, they need rest. You have nowhere to lay down if you have contractions again.” His voice was gentle, yet stern. Even Tatsuki had his limits. He was not comfortable with the idea of me pushing myself too hard while I was heavy with his babies. Especially not after what had happened in Winhill.

I sighed. I knew he was right. Six months was too early, and there would come a time when the contractions didn’t go away on their own if I wasn’t careful. “You mean don’t want to deliver our babies on the side of the road like Uncle Zell did for Aunt Quistis?” I teased. Uncle Zell always had the best time telling that story. It had been scary at the time, but he and Quistis had gotten to a point now where they could laugh about it. Garnet had come so spontaneously they had hardly made it from the front door to the lawn before she came sliding out.

He tried not to laugh, but I could see Tatsuki’s shoulders bouncing, as if he were chuckling into his mouth, and he turned his gaze from me. “I would do it in a heartbeat, but honestly, I’d rather take you on a date, if that’s alright.”

I bit my lip coyly and giggled. “Aw, you hear that?” I wrapped my hands beneath my belly and smiled down at it. “Daddy wants to buy you dinner first.”

Tatsuki couldn’t hold it in any longer and he doubled over laughing as the realtor awkwardly pulled the legal documents from my husbands’ hands. So much for not making a mushy scene. Love was shiny in his dark eyes when we met one another’s gaze and his smile was tender. “Let’s leave Mr. Wyatt alone, hm? Dinner is on me, come on.”

We thanked Mr. Wyatt for his time, and he thanked us for our business before handing us the keys to our new home. Something deep inside of me wanted to nest. I wanted to fill the house with our belongings and things for the babies so bad. I wanted to make it ours. “I can’t believe we just did this. We have a house. I need to…I need to baby proof—”

The sweet laughter that floated from my husband was like velvet and I could have lived in it forever if time would have allowed it. “The time will come for that. Right now, they’re safe and sound inside of you, and hungry, I’m sure! Let’s eat.” I was kind of hungry, now that he had mentioned it, and I grabbed for his hand as we wandered off in no direction in particular. I was more excited for a date night than I let on. Our relationship thus far hadn’t exactly been conventional, we had done things a little backwards. I was ready to date my husband. “What do my sweet ones want?”

Hmm. That was a good question. I wouldn’t be eating nachos again for a while, that was for sure. I missed Garden’s hot dogs, but I could get those any day of the week if I wanted. “What if…what if we got some noodles?”

Tatsuki grinned. “You’re going to turn into a noodle, pasta’s always been your favorite. What kind do you want tonight? Traditional Timberian noodles, or are we talking the Galbadian noodles with the white sauce you like so much?”

I turned my nose up and scoffed playfully at him. The only Galbadian noodles I would dare eat were the ones my mother made. She’d serve a pot of red sauce and a pot of white with a tray of garlic bread to go with it. It was my favorite thing in the world. I would accept it nowhere else. “Timberian or bust.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Tatsuki brought my hand to his lips to kiss. “I know just the place, Eomma actually likes it, it’s pretty authentic.” I wondered briefly as he spoke of his mother, what our own children were going to call me. Would I be Mommy or Eomma? Maybe it would be a mixture of both. I smiled.

“That sounds perfect, T.” 


	86. Chapter 86

*Felicia’s POV*

It had been a long time since I had returned to my place of birth, but the moment I caught a glimpse of the Dollet countryside, I was glad for it. My parents and I had moved to Timber when I was still just a small girl, but I was born in Dollet, and I was thankful for Timber’s strong alliance with them. The culture in Dollet was rich and colorful and Duke Gabianni was a merciful and kind man. I had had no doubt that Rinoa could secure his aid easily, and the contract he made with our Garden was already a great show of trust on his part.

In spite of it being my place of birth, I was a little surprised when Headmaster Leonhart asked me specifically to accompany him. I had lived most my life in Timber, and his friend Quistis was the one who had spent several years of her childhood post-adoption in the country. The natives in Dollet had rich dark skin and beautiful heads of natural curls. It was obvious to me that the Trepe family were immigrants. Their surname felt Estharian in my mouth and that was all but confirmed when Squall and I pulled into their long, winding driveway.

The Estharian flag was hung proudly on the front porch and Squall and I both sighed as he unlocked the doors to the rental car and shifted the gear into park. We both knew this was going to be like pulling teeth. Estharian’s were a little bitter about what had become of their homeland, and Headmaster Leonhart being the son of former President Loire would likely be salt in an open wound.

Squall had decided to leave for Dollet abruptly after his daughter returned from her honeymoon. Something he had seen in Vivienne Almasy’s Connect session was bothering him. I could see the confusion and desperation nestled in his eyes. I supposed that was the real reason he’d neglected to bring Quistis. He wasn’t sure what he was going to find there, and he didn’t want to hurt her. From what I understood, Quistis’s relationship with her adopted family was strained. It was a shame she hadn’t been adopted by a local family. The people of Dollet were kind and nurturing. Esthar…seemed to have been difficult place to be brought up in, for many reasons.

Tatsuki was tasked with guarding the family while he was away, and as for my own family, I had decided to leave my littlest baby alone with Raijin and her sisters for the weekend. I almost always took Mizuki to work with me, but she was getting big now and acting like she wanted to crawl. It was getting hard to leave her strapped to my chest while I was working and expect her to sit still. “You really think this is the right thing to do?” I asked slowly.

Squall shrugged. “I…I don’t know anymore, Felicia. I have a sick feeling in my gut. That’s why I asked you to come with me. Rinoa trusts you and you know the area. She didn’t seem to think I could do this alone.”

Headmaster Leonhart didn’t sound afraid so much as he sounded on edge and tired. He was losing his mind trying to chase down what had happened to his parents. Squall could pretend all he liked, but he desperately loved Laguna and Edea. Between catching their killer and hunting down my step-son he was going to worry himself into an early grave. “It’s not a matter of can’t, it’s a matter of shouldn’t. You can’t live your entire life without relying on other people.”

Squall snorted. “Now you _sound_ like Rinoa.” His expression was stony, but I could see the ghost of a playful smirk wanting to flicker around the sound of his wife’s name.

I folded my arms across my chest. “Good, at least one of us does. You married an incredibly smart woman.” Squall knew better to argue with that, I was Rinoa’s best friend, and he snarled at me playfully as he elbowed me in my ribs.

“Whose side are you on? I hired you, you know.”

I merely smirked and shrugged my shoulders. He had his answer. Rinoa and I loved each other with all our hearts. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want an answer to, Sir.” We were both quiet for a moment, but I could hear him chuckling to himself. It was nice to hear out of Squall. We all worried about him a little. “Do you think we left too hastily? It looked like Julia had something she wanted to tell you when she got home.” I asked softly.

Squall shook his head. “I’m sure she wanted to tell me all about the honeymoon, that’s all. Julia and I tell each other everything.” There was a happiness that touched his voice when he said that, and I hated to burst his bubble, but that wasn’t exactly the truth. Julia was going to be a little angry when she found out what we were doing without her.

“Do you? You know it’s going to hurt her feelings that you snatched the investigation from right under her nose. An investigation you entrusted her with personally. It meant a lot to her, Sir.”

The almost pleasant expression on Squall’s face soured instantly and I regretted opening my mouth. He pressed his lips into a thin line and scowled. “…whatever. Her safety is most important to me. She’ll have to understand that.” Squall’s tone was clipped, and I could tell he was done making chit-chat. He slid from the car without another word and I dusted off my navy-blue pencil skirt as I followed suit.

I tilted my chin high as my heels clacked along the cracked pavement and I placed a hand preemptively on the hilt of my gunblade for an extra boost of confidence. If the Trepe family was to try anything, they would be answering to me. Somehow I knew they were mixed up with the Orderless and I gritted my teeth as Squall rapped twice on the front door. I thought we had put that filthy organization to bed and the very idea that they might resurface boiled my blood. What was worse was the idea that Soichiro was tangled in that mess too.

There were so many complicated emotions that swirled in my middle. Soichiro wasn’t my son by blood, but I loved him like he’d sprung from my own womb. He and Autumn both had looked up at me with these sad pudgy little faces the first time Raijin ever brought me home to meet them. They had just lost their mother a few short months prior and I felt guilty about forcing myself into their lives. Raijin caught feelings for me quickly, and even though he had just lost his wife, I didn’t really feel like a rebound.

Raijin and I were working alone together on border patrol duty, and that was a very high stress job. The feelings that developed were almost inevitable, so I didn’t think anything of it. Raijin and I had been together seventeen years now, and he treated me like I was a queen. He was the sweetest, gentlest man I had ever known. People gave him a hard time because he wasn’t the sharpest, but I had never cared about that. And his kids? Raijin adored them more than anything on this earth. That was attractive.

The twins didn’t really like me at first, but Raijin and I never pushed it. I wanted my relationship with them to be organic, and Raijin was so understanding. Autumn warmed up to me eventually, and I think that was because she ached for a mother somewhere inside of her. But Soichiro…he always kept me at arm’s length. I used to think it was because he thought I was trying to replace Xu, but now I wondered if it was because he knew I would catch him doing things he shouldn’t.

I was disgusted. Disgusted that I loved him, disgusted that he abused his father’s kindness, disgusted that he would hurt any woman, let alone a child that I held very dear to my heart. But most of all, I was disgusted that Autumn was now pregnant and suffering, and I was almost certain her brother had something to do with it. I didn’t buy her story about Carl Aki any more than I believed Noctis’s ramblings about vampires in Obel Lake. There were a lot of things that didn’t add up, and Yevon rest my soul I was going to get to the bottom of it or die trying.

“Mrs. Yoshioka.”

“Huh?” Squall’s voice snapped me from my musings and my cheeks heated with embarrassment as I realized a woman had answered the door. I hadn’t heard a word of what was said, and I blinked several times before muttering an apology. “Yes, sir?”

Squall’s patience with me was wearing thin and he cleared his throat as he gestured toward the slender young woman propped against the doorframe. She was almost sickly pale and the purple bags beneath her dull hazel eyes spoke to years of insomnia. Her ginger hair was like straw and stuck straight out of the ratty bun it was coiled in on the top of her head. “Oh, I beg your pardon. I assume you’re Mrs. Trepe?”

The woman didn’t smile at me. Her eyes darted nervously between Squall and I before dropping to her feet. “What do you want? Can’t you read?” Squall and I glanced at one another in confusion for a moment before Mrs. Trepe pointed a bony finger at a small ‘no solicitation’ sign that was taped above the doorbell. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and flashed my work badge at her.

“I’m Vice President Yoshioka, here on business with Squall Leonhart of Timber Garden. We’re just here to ask you a few questions.”

Mrs. Trepe clasped her thin hands over her mouth and dropped to her knees. “T-Timber’s Vice President! I’m so sorry m-ma’am I didn’t recognize—please come i-in, my husband isn’t home.” I narrowed my eyes slightly and when I turned to look at Squall, he glanced back at me with a similar expression. Why were we only allowed in because the husband wasn’t home? That was a red flag.

We followed closely behind the frail woman as the screen door slammed shut and my skin crawled as I took in my new surroundings. There were bugs in the walls where the wallpaper was peeling off and the old floor boards beneath our feet felt soggy. I didn’t want to sit on any of the furniture, but I also didn’t want to be rude as Mrs. Trepe smiled anxiously and gestured toward her couch. It smelled heavily of ammonia, and Squall inched closer to me as he put a protective hand on the small of my back. Something felt off to him, too.

“What can I help y’all with?”

I wasn’t sure what to even say and I looked to Squall for guidance as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Ma’am, we are here to speak with you about your daughter, Quistis.”

Mrs. Trepe dropped her gaze to her lap, and I watched her peel the skin off her lips with her teeth as she gnawed them nervously. “What about her? I haven’t heard from Quistis since she got married and ran off with that girl.” There was a hint of bitterness in her tone and I had to bite my tongue. Estharian’s weren’t exactly known for their open mindedness. I was sure she disapproved that Fujin had been a woman. My Kazane was in a relationship with another woman and it burned me up inside that anyone might treat her differently over who she chose to love.

“Quistis and Fujin got a divorce almost a decade ago. She’s remarried and has five children.” Squall offered quietly. I almost wanted to hit him. We didn’t owe this woman any information about Quistis’s life, and it wasn’t our business to tell. Squall wasn’t thinking. I rammed my elbow into his ribs and he slapped me with tight frown.

Mrs. Trepe huffed. “Okay, and what exactly does that have to do with me? Quistis is grown now and I ain’t seen her in so long I probably wouldn’t recognize her. She in some sorta trouble?”

I waved my hands about quickly. “No ma’am, Quistis is very happy. She’s living a fulfilled life.”

I expected that to make any mother happy, but Mrs. Trepe’s expression was pinched as she reached for a jar on the coffee table and spat in it. “Stupid whore should keep that to herself.” She muttered.


	87. Chapter 87

Anger roiled deep inside my bones. How _dare_ any mother talk about her own child that way. I didn’t care if Quistis _was_ adopted, that only made it worse. She had purposefully taken that child into her home and filled a hole in her life that she desperately needed. What right did she have to speak of her like that? She was supposed to love her. I didn’t understand it. Autumn and Soichiro hadn’t been born of my body, but I never would have married their father if I hadn’t been capable of loving them as if they were.

“Excuse me?” The professional veneer to my tone was wearing off and Squall interjected quickly.

“Perhaps I misspoke. This isn’t about your daughter,” He muttered. “Not in the way you’re thinking. This is a murder investigation. All we need from you is information on a Shumi called Xystus.” Squall’s eyes were on fire, as if he were as ready as I was to tear the woman’s throat out, but his calm expression never wavered. He was determined to get the information that he needed to avenge his father. “We got a lead that tied Quistis’s family… _your_ family, to him.”

I hadn’t thought the woman could get any paler, but her skin was almost translucent as what little color she did have faded to nothing. Her lips twisted and she picked at her cuticles for a long beat. “Whatever Xystus has done, my idiot girl had nothing to do with it. She has no idea that he and Quinn are her parents.”

The air was completely knocked out of my lungs for a moment and I coughed as I choked on my own saliva. “Q-Quistis is part Shumi?”

Mrs. Trepe actually laughed, and I instantly wished she hadn’t. It was an unhinged and unnatural sound and I was glad for Squall’s company as he pressed his body closer to mine. “What are you two, stupid? She ain’t got Shumi blood. That’s not what I meant.” She sighed. “Look…Xystus and his wife Quinn came to me and Jason about seven years before Quistis was even conceived and told me they were lookin’ for someone to foster an embryo once they got their facility up and runnin’.”

Squall started to ask what she meant but the woman wasn’t finished, and she held up her hand to silence him. “Quinn and Xystus were hired by a man named Oryx to fertilize the egg of a powerful blue mage with his adopted brother’s sperm. They were intended to foster the embryo themselves while he was off doin’ Yevon only knows what, but the embryo split into three and they couldn’t raise triplets. So they pawned one off on us after it was born. Quistis was grown and born in a lab. We took the large sum of Gil they gave us and shoved her in an orphanage.”

I was automatically sick, and I heaved as I leaned away from the couch. The furniture was disgusting, but I didn’t want to ruin it further as my stomach threatened to spill its contents. “W-Why did you take her back?!” If they were greedy enough to take in a child and then abandon her after the check cleared, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know.

Mrs. Trepe shrugged her shoulders. “Oryx found out what we did. He threatened to kill our other children if we didn’t get Quistis back, so we did. We adopted the brat a second time and she had the gall to run away from home at ten years old. I assume she wound up at the Garden, but I don’t really care. We lost everything when we failed to present him with her.”

I could feel Squall trembling beside me, and bile rose in the back of my throat as he spoke. “What adopted brother? Why not just use his own like he did with Seifer?” As much as I hated it, I wanted to know too. Seifer was born for the specific purpose of manipulating Adel and her longing for an heir. It almost didn’t make sense to do the same with Quistis. Seifer’s blood was rich with Adel’s magic, whether he could use it or not, that was why his mother had been chosen. Blue magic, however, wasn’t the same power.

It seemed as if Mrs. Trepe could read our minds and her dry lips split open as they twitched into a sneer. “Oryx was trying to accomplish a very specific goal. Lucrecia Deling was heavy with his son at the time, but he had been hoping for a daughter, for obvious reasons. The boy still came in handy, but he was a boy nonetheless. He blamed his own genes. His brother had already successfully had a daughter, however, so he talked him in to helping with the test tube baby.”

I shook my head hard, to clear it. I didn’t fully understand. “But that doesn’t explain why he was even interested in blue—”

“You’re not listening!” Mrs. Trepe hissed stiltedly before she flew from her chair and paced back and forth behind the coffee table. Blue mages were a step down from real sorceresses. Everyone knew that. They were people who had magical talent in their bloodline and could wield and absorb para-magic in ways a normal person couldn’t, but they didn’t have any of the abilities of a full-blown Sorceress. It often happened when men born of Sorceresses who carried the gene, men like Seifer or Noctis, produced female children. Squall and I just wanted to understand. Oryx wasn’t the type of person to do anything halfway. “Sorceresses weren’t the only ones he was after.”

I was surprised when Squall nodded. “Oryx was a religious zealot. He wanted all magic eliminated. If Seifer was a pawn to dangle in front of Adel, then Quistis and these unnamed sisters were a pawn to dangle before whoever their mother was. He wanted the people to turn on the blue mages too.”

Mrs. Trepe nodded. “About time you wised up. That’s all the information I have. I don’t know what Xystus did with the other brats and I don’t care. All I know is, Quistis ain’t got anything to do with any murder.”

I almost wanted to laugh in her face. Why did she care all of sudden? This woman didn’t give a shit about Quistis, she was putting on airs for company. She disgusted me. There was a Shumi at the scene of Victoria Ashlen’s murder and I had a feeling this Xystus had something to do with it. We still hadn’t had the opportunity to interview little Alastair. He was very sick. I was so grateful that Julia had been able to save him. Two years old was much too young, he had hardly gotten to live at all. “We…appreciate your cooperation.”

Squall didn’t want to tear himself from his seat, his eyes were glassed over with murder. I all but dragged the Headmaster outside onto the porch and he shrugged away from me harshly as he stomped off toward the car. “That woman was a real piece of work.”

“I know.” I agreed softly. “But we have a bigger lead. That was more than we had when we got here.” I knew the information we gathered hadn’t been what Squall was hoping to hear. The Orderless had meddled in his friend’s creation, and that was awful, but it did very little to help us understand what had happened to Laguna and Edea. “You might think we’re no closer to the truth, but I think if we take this to Larxine, we might have a break in the case. She saw everything that day in Winhill, and she’s Shumi herself.”

Squall sighed. “You think she might know him?”

“It’s worth a shot. I’m almost positive he’s the one that attacked Julia. We could force the Shumi Village to provide dental records, too. For confirmation.”

A bitter look crossed Squall’s face, but I knew better than to comment on it. He was still angry with Tatsuki for killing the only witness to the crime that we had. Squall was angry with Tatsuki over a lot of things secretly, I thought. I could see it in the way they had interacted with one another in the weeks leading to the wedding. Tatsuki was blissfully unaware, of course, but it bothered the Headmaster more than he let on that he was making such an impact on his daughter. The two of them were changing one another, we could all see it, and it wasn’t necessarily for the better.

Tatsuki was listening to Squall less and less as the days went on, more ruled over by his feelings for Julia than he ever had been. As for Julia, the entire reason Squall had allowed the wedding to proceed was because she was so much happier, but there were drawbacks that came with that reversion to who she used to be. She was acting more like a child and less like a mother, and I could see the worry nestled behind his eyes. The guilt. Tatsuki was babying her, they all had been.

“Hey Squall,” I placed my hand overtop his own and smiled. “For what it’s worth…I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re a wonderful father. You’ve been everything Julia has needed and more, and I’m thankful that you’re looking out for our granddaughter.”

Squall was quiet for a long moment before he rolled one of his sleeves up and smiled down at his forearm. There was a small pink tulip tattooed on his skin and he traced it lovingly with his fingers. “She’s my baby. I have to make she’s capable of surviving this.” He swallowed hard before threading his fingers between mine and giving them a firm squeeze. “You’re a good mother, too. Don’t ever let… _him_ …make you feel like you aren’t. You gave him the shirt off your back and that still wasn’t enough. That’s not your fault.”

I kicked myself for the tears that sprang before I could stop them, and I turned my face from Squall quickly. He didn’t need to see me crumble. I was supposed to remain professional. Then again, we shared a grandbaby now. Was there really any way to maintain a strictly business relationship with someone who was technically family? Rinoa and I were close, but I had always tried to keep things straight and narrow with the Headmaster. It made my job easier the less emotions were involved. That was true of any Garden administration. He squeezed my fingers once more and I let out a quiet sob. “Thank you.”

Squall didn’t respond, and I was grateful for it. We both were disturbed by the information Mrs. Trepe had provided us with and my stomach was clenched into a tight knot. I wasn’t a fool. Magic ran strong in the Leonhart family and I knew without asking that Trinity was going to be a Sorceress. I wanted to protect that little girl with all that I was and I didn’t know how to properly express that to the girls mother. My step-son had done something vile to her. I would have to understand if she chose to keep me and my family away from the baby.

“Squall, do you think…” I trailed off and watched all the quaint houses pass us by as Squall sped down the highway. I didn’t have any right to ask him to talk to her. “…never mind.” Dollet was a beautiful country. I was just going to focus on that.

I had made things weird and Squall coughed a little as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck. He was no doubt picking his own brain for something to change the subject to. “I think we should tell Zell before we say anything about this to Quistis. He knows her better than anyone, he’ll know what to do with the information.”

That made sense to me. Zell Dincht loved that woman more than anything else in his entire world. Quistis was his gravity. I smiled. “I’ll call him as soon as we board the train.”


	88. Chapter 88

*Selphie’s POV*

I could hardly contain my excitement as I bounced in front of the full-length mirror in mine and Irvine’s bedroom. I hadn’t felt this beautiful in almost twenty years and I jammed my hands into the roomy pockets of my new dress. Irvy was going to love it! Quistis and I had gone shopping for our ‘special occasion’. I giggled. I couldn’t believe Zell had agreed to the couple’s night. I was on top of the world. This was going to mark the beginning of saving our marriage, I could feel it.

I twirled around and admired the way the skirt of the yellow sundress fanned out at the ends. My favorite beat-up brown boots were replaced with yellow pumps for the evening and I was wearing the gold charm bracelet Irvine had given me for our first anniversary. Things were looking up. I pumped a fist into the air before blowing a kiss to my reflection. “Go get ‘em, Selphie.”

The clouds had gotten dark and twisty outside, so I grabbed for my rain jacket as I hopped down the stairs and reached for my car keys on the hook by the door. Jacob was in the kitchen making dinner and he glanced back at me from over his shoulder with a boyish grin. “You look beautiful, Mama. Where are you going?”

“Oh, Jake, you’ll never believe it!” I puffed my chest out and planted my hands firmly on my slender hips. “You’re looking at a mom who has an actual real-life date with her husband!”

Jacob knew his father and I were struggling, I knew he could tell, and his face lit with pure joy. “Alright, Mom! Way to go! How did you score that? Dad’s been acting really…”

My baby trailed off and I scrunched my nose up at him playfully. “I know, he’s been acting like a goober. But don’t you worry! I’m gonna knock his socks off tonight, you wait and see!”

Jacob laughed and stuck his index finger down his throat and pretended to gag himself. “Eww Mom! Get out of here with your bad self.” He shooed me toward the door, and I snorted as I doubled over with peels of laughter. I loved my boy so much. He had always had a wonderful sense of humor. I pecked him on is cheek and told him I loved him before strutting toward the Volkswagen Beatle I’d stolen off the coast of Mandy Beach a few days prior. It was time to start my journey to Timber Hotel.

For some reason I was really nervous. In all the years I had been married to Irvine we had never done this before. It wasn’t like I didn’t know Zell and Quistis very well, but on some level, I was half scared it would make our friendship weird. Quistis had picked out a pretty dress that was almost identical to mine, except it was a citrusy shade of orange. I couldn’t wait to see how it looked on her.

It didn’t take long at all to get from our rental property to the hotel and I threw the gear into park before checking my makeup in the rearview mirror. I had twisted Irvine’s arm into renting out a small fully furnished trailer since it was getting expensive to keep staying in hotel every night. It was something that was causing even more unnecessary strain on our relationship. I wasn’t ready to go back to Balamb and he acted like he hated being in Timber with our friends.

My coral lipstick looked flawless and I touched up my mascara just a little before taking a deep breath and clamoring out of the car. I was going to make Irvine Kinneas love me. If for nobody else, then for our son. I strolled into the hotel with my shades on, caring very little that the sun had already sank behind the horizon. It made me look cool. I flung cash at the receptionist and skipped to the elevator with my shiny new hotel keycard. I pulled my phone from my pocket on my way up and sent off a group text that we were going to be staying on the third floor, room 228. I signed it xoxo with a kiss emoji and eagerly ran out onto the balcony as soon as I reached my destination.

Timber was beautiful at night and I hummed happily to myself as I leaned over the railing. I had never pictured I would there, gazing out across the vast Timberian skyline. I was so tired of Balamb that the country almost looked like a fairytale. Irvine didn’t understand. It wasn’t a tiredness I could sleep away. I was tired in my soul. I wanted to have adventure again. I wanted to be free of the dull headache of being in charge of Balamb Garden. But most of all I wanted to be with my friends again. I wanted it to be like old times. I missed seeing Squall and Rinoa and Zell and Quistis every day. I missed being happy.

_ Oh, way to go Selph. You made yourself sad.  _ I scolded myself mentally, wiping at my eyes as there was knock on the door. I knew that knock and I smirked as I all but ran to answer it. Zell always knocked a silly little jingle against the wood. I was more excited to see Zell and Quistis than I was my own husband. That was pathetic. “Woohoo! Look who it is?!” I shouted as I clasped my hands together.

Zell was holding  Quistis’s hand and I watched as his thumb absentmindedly stroked her skin. It was tender and so natural he didn’t even realize he was doing it. Irvine would only ever lazily wrap an arm around my shoulder, and I hated it when he did. He had never smelled the best, no matter how hard I tried to better the man's hygiene. Zell winked at me and my cheeks flushed a little. “You ready for all this? You can ask  Quisty , I’m a whole lotta hotdog baby!” Zell hoped side to side on the balls of his feet and punched his fists up in the air excitedly. 

I howled with laughter and  Quistis shoved her entire hand over her husband’s face. “Do not  _ ever  _ say that again.” She tried her best to sound angry but I could see the amusement twitching at the corner of her mouth. 

Quistis looked breathtaking in her matching dress and I smirked at her, masking the fact that I was a wreck on the inside. Maybe I was a little more curious than I initially thought. Her hips were nice and wide from giving birth and her thighs were thick. I wanted to touch them. “Well, don’t just stand there! Welcome to my home away from my home away from home. It’s...home twice removed!” I rambled. 

I walked over to the nightstand and pulled a bottle of champagne out of the ice bucket I’d paid for in advance. I shook it a little and allowed it to ‘accidentally’ fall from my grasp and roll toward my friends. I bent over slowly, allowing my dress to ride up and expose my bare ass as I grabbed for it. I heard Zell mutter “shit” under his breath and when I stood up both he and  Quistis looked as if all the blood had rushed to their faces at once. Bingo!

“S-Shouldn’t we wait for Irvine?” Zell stammered anxiously. He was gripping  Quistis’s hand a little tighter, and his body moved with hers like they were magnetized, something I had noted in Squall and Rinoa before too. It was so romantic and I was incredibly jealous, though I never would have said so. 

I flashed a cheeky smile and flipped my hair from my shoulder with the back of my hand. “Teehee, I’m just being a bit of a tease. You two go ahead and get started, I can watch until  Irvy gets here.” I offered. I poured each of them a glass and kicked off my shoes as I followed them to the massive bed in the center of the room. Zell didn’t need to be told twice and he happily scooped  Quistis into his arms. 

Quistis mewled with delight as Zell buried his face into her neck and trailed love bites all long the pale skin of her neck. His teal blue eyes doted on her in a way that made me feel lonely and I was so happy when my phone suddenly vibrated.  _ I bet it’s  _ _ Irvy _ _ telling me he’s on his way!  _ I slid to unlock my phone but my smile ran bittersweet. It wasn’t my  husband; it was my son. 

_ Hey Mama! I hope you and Dad have fun tonight. I’m putting left overs in the microwave for you, just in case you’re still hungry when you get in. I love you so much. --Jake _

I cradled my phone against my heart for a moment and remembered exactly why I was doing this. My son was my world. He deserved to live in a home that wasn’t broken. I typed a quick message back and ran my fingers several times over the yellow heart emoji. 

_ Don’t be such a  _ _ sap _ _! You better brush your teeth, and if I find Lissa in your bed  _ _ later _ _ you’re toast mister. You can’t butter me up! Except you know only you can, so I don’t know why I bother! ...I love you little man. Sleep tight. --Mom _

I was torn from my thoughts when  Quistis suddenly belted out a long moan and I looked up to see Zell dry humping her over her clothes. I chuckled and shook my head. Well hot damn, I was missing out on all the fun!  _ You better show up, Irvine  _ _ Kinneas _ _.  _ I thought to myself as I slid a hand underneath my own dress.  _ I planned all of this for you.  _


	89. Chapter 89

_Shit, shit, shit!_ I ran to the bathroom without a word and slammed the door as I grabbed for a washcloth and ran it under hot water. Quistis’s one rule had been that Zell only use my back entrance, so to speak, and he had kept true to his word. I could feel his seed slipping and sliding between my legs, however, and I was terrified of it getting between my folds. I hadn’t been on the pill in a while, hoping and praying for another baby…but I didn’t want one like this.

“Hey, Selph? You okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Zell’s voice gently crooned through the door and I bit my bottom lip hard as tears pricked my eyes. Why was Zell checking on me and not my own husband? Why had this entire night been a disaster? Irvine didn’t touch me once, and he was almost an hour late showing up. Zell and Quistis were already finished and giving me pity sex by the time he actually made it to the hotel.

I tried to laugh, but I sounded hysterical even to my own ears. “I’m f-fine, I just really had to pee.” Zell didn’t push the issue, but I could hear him raise his voice at Irvine. He demanded to know what was so wrong with me that he was more interested in touching himself all night than paying me an ounce of attention. He said nothing that I wasn’t already thinking, but it shattered my heart to hear it spoken aloud. Irvine had sex with Zell exclusively, and Zell had just bent over and taken it, even though I could tell he was uncomfortable. He’d done that for me, and I was disgusted at myself.

“What, are you gay or something, Dincht? Something you need to tell Quistis? You seem awfully fixated on having my cock in your—” I heard Zell’s fist connect with my husbands jaw and I flinched at the cracking sound it made. I pulled my knees up to my chin and sobbed quietly to myself until I heard someone jiggle the door handle.

“N-No, please don’t—”

“It’s just me.” Quistis said softly. She slipped inside the tiny bathroom and shut the door back behind her. I wanted to hide the white streaked rag, but there was no sense in it. She was going to know either way if I wound up pregnant. Better to rip the band-aid off now than to let it fester. I sat it gently on the sink and swallowed hard as I made eye contact with her. She glanced down at it briefly and sighed. “There’s…nothing we can do about that now. I’m not angry, Selphie. If it happens, it was an accident. You and Zell did everything I asked of you.”

I was still upset about Irvine but knowing Quistis wasn’t going to hate me eased a little of the terror clamped around my stomach. Quistis knelt at my side and pulled me into her arms as the dam holding in my fragile emotions finally broke. I tucked my head under her chin and a loud wail escaped my lips as she lightly ran her fingers through my hair. “H-He was supposed to…Irvy was s-supposed—” I couldn’t speak the words that gripped at my heart. _He was supposed to love me._

“You listen to me,” Quistis pressed a kiss into my hair and swayed a little as she held me there. “You can’t force it. Please take it from someone who was once desperate for a spouse to love her the way they were ‘supposed to’. It’s not worth the heartache, and you need to take Jacob and go before things get any worse.” It was hard to remember the days when Quistis had been married to Fujin. It felt like it had happened a millennium ago. I pictured Garnet’s sweet little face in my mind and I instantly regretted not being there for them. Fujin had all but signed her death certificate from the beginning. Nettie wouldn’t have been near as sick if Quistis had been allowed prenatal care.

She was right. I couldn’t let my marriage hurt my child the way hers numbered Garnet’s precious days. Maybe it was selfish to act like staying with Irvine would benefit Jacob. Maybe the opposite was true. Jacob was as unhappy as I was. Irvine didn’t give him the time of day either. He hadn’t in almost five years or more. “You think I should divorce him.” I whispered.

“I would have.” Quistis whispered. Her hands kneaded into my back and the warmth of her body was comforting as I curled up against the plush of her breasts. “You never know what fate has in store for you, Selphie. Look at Zell and I. My second marriage was to my soulmate, not my first. We don’t always get it right on the first try.”

Maybe there was some truth to that. Fujin and Quistis were meant to be together so that Garnet could exist, and when that purpose was filled, she was allowed to be with her forever. Her Zell. Maybe Irvy and I were only meant to bless Gaia with Jacob. Maybe a divorce was long overdue. “Would you…would you help me? I don’t know what to do, Q-Quisty.” Quistis shushed me softly and ebbed the tears from my cheeks with the back of her hand.

“You say the word and I’ll handle it myself. But you have to tell me you’re sure. You have to tell me this is really what you want.”

I was emboldened by her words and her comfort and I nodded my head slowly. What the hell was I doing? I was Selphie Tilmitt, goddamn it. I wasn’t going to roll over and let some man make me miserable. “I…want it. I want a divorce.”

Quistis squeezed me against her chest as tightly as she could. “Consider it done.”

*Squall’s POV*

Something wasn’t right. Felicia and I had parted ways about a block down the road as she headed to reunite with her own family, and I stood alone at the edge of my driveway. I already felt a little weird that Zell hadn’t answered his phone, but that feeling in my gut intensified as I locked eyes with my front door. I felt like something or someone was watching me. I all but kicked my own front door down, nauseas with worry for my family as I stumbled into our cluttered living room. My ears pricked with the worst sound in the world and it almost enough to send me to my knees as I realized both my daughter and my wife were sobbing.

Rinoa was pale and holding onto the back of the sofa as if she might faint and Tatsuki was holding a red-faced Julia as she fought to soothe her labored breathing. Noctis was rubbing his mother’s back and my heart sunk deep into my chest as she finally spoke. “Fuck me? That’s fine, Julia. That’s absolutely fine. You and Tatsuki can both get out of my house if you can’t understand why this hurts me! Why this is going to hurt your father!”

 _…what? Not my Julia. That’s nothing my baby would ever say to her mother._ I thought desperately to myself as I turned wet eyes toward my little girl. They had clearly gotten in an argument, but Julia had never disrespected her mother and I before. Never. “What’s…going to hurt me?”

Julia brought her hands to her face and sobbed the moment she locked eyes with me and the dread in my middle continued to creep throughout my body. “Why don’t you tell him, Julia? Tell your father all about why I’m a bad mother.” Rinoa hissed.

“I never said that!” The lights flickered a little as Julia raised her voice and Tatsuki lightly massaged his fingers into one of her pressure points in an attempt at syphoning off her magic. “I shouldn’t have said what I said, I’m sorry, but you’re treating me like it’s _my_ fault that I love him! He’s just a baby, he didn’t ask to be here!”

Rinoa’s pointed a finger in our child’s face and her voice dripped with venom when she responded. “That’s not why I’m angry and you know it! I was the _first_ person to stand behind you when you wanted to keep Trinity! But this? This is too much, Julia. You waited an entire week to tell us you were expecting twins, and bought a house with Gil that should have been spent making sure they have what they need before they get here! You’re halfway through this pregnancy and you don’t even have a nursery set up for _one_ baby! You’re irresponsible!”

“You walked in here with that boy all lovey dovey and expected me and your brother to be overjoyed that you’re higher risk than we thought, that you’re even _less_ prepared than we thought, and that that MONSTER cloned himself inside of you!”

I agreed with her up until that final statement and my stomach soured. Rinoa had held up so well. She had been the family rock while we all were falling apart at the seams and it had clearly taken a toll on her that I hadn’t paid any mind to. I wondered if I was ever going to stop feeling guilty. I was failing my family constantly. I was supposed to take of Rinoa, now more than ever, and I had let her stew in her own feelings for Yevon only knew how long while she dried our eyes and held our hands. We had pushed too much onto her shoulders and whatever Julia had said to her before I got home had lit a match.

“TADASHI IS NOT A MONSTER!” Tatsuki screamed at her, but his eyes were startled by the harshness of his own voice and he cupped a hand over his mouth as Rinoa slid shakily into a kitchen chair, like she couldn’t breathe.

The boy looked as if he were going to apologize but rage ate away at my insides and I stormed toward him with intent to kill. If Julia hadn’t loved him so much, I might have actually done it. I jerked him up by his shirt collar and slammed him against the back of the couch. There were too many emotions rolling through my body at once. My little girl was heavy with not one, but two children conceived of pure hatred and violence, one of which was clearly a son. A son who could have very well been just like his father, that was what Rinoa had meant. She shouldn’t have said it out loud, but I understood why she felt that way. But above all else, no one spoke to my wife that way. No one. I didn’t care if he was family or not. “You listen to me and you listen well. Your place in this family is conditional at best, do you understand? Don’t you _ever_ speak to Rinoa that way again.”

“Let go of him!” Julia shrieked. I admittedly was pressing my arm against the kids neck a little too hard, and his face was turning purple. My daughter removed one of her shoes and threw it at me as hard as she could. It smacked me right in my lower back with a wallop that would surely leave a bruise later, but not anything that would hurt more than the emotional punch it packed. We were all in the wrong, I knew that, but I couldn’t mentally handle the idea that my firstborn had just hit me, whether I deserved it or not.

I let Tatsuki go but I couldn’t look at Julia. I walked silently to my wife’s side and pressed a firm hand to her tiny bump. “Are you two okay?” I asked softly. Rinoa was catatonic. Her eyes were open, but they didn’t see me standing there and I pulled her gently from her seat to cradle her in my arms. We needed air before someone in the house, be it me or one of the kids, did something we would regret later. “C’mon, baby. We’re going for a walk.”


	90. Chapter 90

I was angry at everyone in the situation, Rinoa included, and that clouded the sharp senses of the SeeD I had once been. I was trying to comfort Rinoa in spite of my own brewing inner turmoil. She may have said some things to our daughter that I didn’t agree with, but she was pregnant and fragile, and I could see her hurting. All I wanted was for the fracture in our family to mend. Things hadn’t been the same since Soichiro and no amount of slapping a band aid over it was going to heal anybody. I didn’t know what to do.

I could see us crumbling in ways that frightened me. The very worst fear I could conjure from the beginning was ending up alone and abandoned again. I was starting to realize that even if I succeeded in keeping them all safe from physical harm, that didn’t protect me from losing them. They could walk away from me at any given moment and my throat constricted with panic at the thought. Why did Julia and Tatsuki buy a house? Was I smothering them? Had I said or done something at the wedding that upset them? They had seemed so happy. I did everything I could to make sure of it. Maybe that was it. Maybe they were so happy that they were ready to start their own life together. But…I didn’t want that, either. I wanted my kids with me. Always.

_You’re being selfish._ I scolded myself. _You knew Julia wouldn’t stay a child forever. You have to let her be her own person. She’s a mother now._ Rinoa’s words from earlier were rattling around in my skull. She’d all but accused our daughter of being a child, something she’d been angry with me for doing not long ago. I wondered when she had changed her mind. I supposed in the end it didn’t matter. If Julia wasn’t ready to grow up it was no one’s fault but mine. I had always held her just a little too close.

I massaged the small of Rinoa’s back and my forehead creased with worry as we continued to amble along in silence. Rinoa hadn’t said a single word to me. That was unusual, even when she was angry. Julia must have really shredded her feelings. I was curious to know what all had been said, but I knew better than to ask. Rinoa needed to calm down. “You know…I was thinking, construction on the baby’s room is well underway. She’s going to need a name to go with her new home. We could paint it on the wall.” My suggestion was met with dead silence and I bit the inside of my cheek. “Hey, look at me.” I grabbed hold of Rinoa’s arm gently and forced her to stop walking. “We’ve made it this far, and through worse, together. It’s you and me, always. Remember?”

She didn’t even turn to look at me. Her shoulders shook suddenly with a tight sob and my heart broke as I tenderly grazed my nails along her bare arms. I was whole-heartedly prepared to turn her around and kiss her until she couldn’t see straight, but I had already failed her. I didn’t see anything coming when my vision suddenly swam, and a sharp pain split my skull in two. I opened my mouth to scream her name, but she drained from my grasp as I was swallowed by my own unconscious mind.

*Julia’s POV*

Noctis was staring at me with a fire in his eyes I hadn’t seen there before. He was typically a lazy and relaxed personality, but there were two people in his world that you just didn’t mess with. Nettie and our mother were his very oxygen. I was preoccupied with my husband, who was doubled over and struggling to catch his breath. Bright red lacerations around his neck were darkening and I knew he was going to be black and blue where Daddy had restrained him. My hands were all over Tatsuki, but I could feel Noctis glaring daggers into my back. “Consider yourself lucky, Tatsuki. All her life Julia’s cared about no one but herself.”

“T-That’s rich coming from you,” Tatsuki wheezed. “You’ve lived your whole life in a b-bubble while Julie has suffered, and you act like your life is s-so hard!”

Noctis snarled and his body shook with unbridled rage. The look nestled in those dark brown eyes frightened me a little and I stepped in front of my husband. Noctis looked unhinged, like he was barely clinging to his will to live, and a sickening wave of guilt gnawed at my insides. What if my little brother had been hurting all this time and I had never once taken a moment to notice? “Is that what you think?” He asked thinly. “My wife has been bedridden for weeks, and forced herself to go to your stupid wedding, and you didn’t even notice that she was in a wheelchair for most of it. You’re blissfully unaware that she could be taking her last breaths in my room right now. That must be nice, huh? You’re going to help my sister raise two perfectly healthy little demons and my child is withering away with Nettie like they’re nothing. But okay. _I’m_ the one that acts entitled.”

“Oh, stop it.” Tatsuki growled. “She had a routine blood transfusion and she’s tired. You act like—”

“It wasn’t routine!”

Noctis’s impassioned shout seemed to bounce off the walls and I dropped my gaze to the floor. He was right. I really hadn’t noticed that she was sick or unable to walk at the wedding. I was so self-absorbed. What did he mean it wasn’t routine? She had seemed like she was doing better after her seizure a few months back. “What’s wrong with—”

“Don’t pretend to care. Mom covered it up for as long as she could, per Garnet’s request, but her kidneys are failing. Her body can’t support herself _and_ the baby at the same time. Ma Dincht—” Noctis took a deep breath before he huffed and wiped a tear from his cheek. “You know what, never mind. I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Tatsuki was quiet for a moment, but when he finally looked up at my brother his eyes were shining with tears. “Little devils.” He repeated bitterly. “Those are the words you have for your own niece and nephew. You want to stand there like you’ve got some sort of moral superiority because your wife and child are sick, but you don’t give a single fuck about our own children. Tadashi is sick too, we could lose him at any given moment, he isn’t getting proper nutrition. But he wasn’t conceived with love, right, so I guess his life doesn’t matter.”

Noctis shook his head solemnly and swallowed hard. “Wow. I just told you Nettie was dying, and you still found a way to make it about yourself. You two deserve each other, I’m going to look for my mom.” He tore from the house without another word and no matter how badly I wanted to go after him, my feet felt glued to the floor.

I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t meant to upset anyone. Mom had come at me sideways about Tadashi and my feelings were hurt. I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have done a lot of things. Self-loathing was settling into my stomach and it barely registered in my mind when Tatsuki pressed his lips sweetly against my cheek. “Julia, I…I feel like I overstepped some boundaries just now, and I’m—”

“No,” I whispered. “You’ve been the only person to come to the twins defense. The only one. Let me get you some ice for your neck.” I hated the ugly bruises that were already shiny on his golden skin and the tears finally fell as I gingerly reached to caress them with my fingertips.

I wanted to apologize for my father’s behavior, but Tatsuki simply shushed me. “I will always defend our babies right to life and their purity. They’re all you and me, and if our family doesn’t see that then we’ll leave. We have a place to stay. I will take care of you no matter what happens.”

I curled up against the beat of his heart and wept into his t-shirt. Tatsuki was so good to me. Better than I ever deserved. “You’re going to make them hate you, you know. Sticking up for me like that.”

Tatsuki scoffed and I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. “I don’t care. Julia Raine…you are my wife. The entire world could turn against me and I’d be fine with it so long as I still had you.”

“But Daddy is your boss,” I bleated. “The last thing I want to do is ruin your career.”

Tatsuki’s arms wrapped around me tighter and he cupped my swollen belly as a sharp practice contraction rolled through me. “I can always take over my mom’s shop. We have options, my love, and they don’t all start and end with pleasing your father.”

It was surprising to hear Tatsuki say that. I knew how much he loved and admired my father. I guessed he loved me and the twins more. That alone was enough to make me smile. “No matter what happens, I want you to know how much I love you.” I whispered. “I think we should go check on Garnet.”

Tatsuki nodded and placed a tender kiss to the top of my head. “I love you too, angel. Let’s go see how she’s doing.” He agreed.

*Noctis’s POV*

I couldn’t believe Tatsuki sometimes. My father had treated him better than me my entire life, but the fact that he was a selfish prick was what really burned me up inside. Everyone treated him like he was perfect. The perfect son, the perfect SeeD, the perfect husband…but I saw Tatsuki Mamoru for what he really was. He was a confused fatherless leech that had latched onto my family so he could get ahead at Garden. He treated Julia like she was Yevon’s gift to humanity, but anyone else? He didn’t see people that weren’t Julia. He didn’t care about anyone who wasn’t the precious object of his obsession. Dad had seen firsthand just how violently he could react when things didn’t go his way. It made me worried for my sister. What made him any different than Soichiro Yoshioka?

I was shaken from my thoughts when I caught sight of my parents in the distance and my heart all but stopped in my chest. Dad’s body was twisted up like a pretzel beside my mother who was still in a puddle of her own blood. The muscles in my calves screeched as I pumped them forward as quickly as I was able and skidded to my knees in front of my parents. A long serrated blade was wedged deep in her middle, and I knew that my sister was killed on impact. There was no way a fetus could have survived a wound like that…skewered through her home like a piece of meat.

“N-No…Momma…Mommy, look at me.” I tugged my mother’s body into my lap and gently smoothed her hair back away from her face. She wasn’t breathing and copious amounts of sticky scarlet fluid was coating us both as I cradled her against my chest. I instantly regretted that I had the misfortune of being born male. Being a man meant that I had no claim to the power that flowed through my mother’s veins, and worse yet, I was such an awful cadet that I’d never been administered a LOTUS. I wasn’t trusted with para-magic yet. There was absolutely nothing I could do to save her. “Mom!!! HELP! Somebody please h-help me!” I sobbed.

If I had been smarter, I would have applied pressure in an attempt at stopping the bleeding. I would have called for an ambulance on my cellphone. I’d have done something. Anything. But I wasn’t smart. I never had been. All I did was cry as I felt the life slowly fade from her body until the gentle beat of her heart faded away. I pressed a slobbery heartbroken kiss to the center of her forehead and gently closed her eyes with the palm of my hand. Dad was never going to forgive me. I was sure of it. 


	91. Chapter 91

*Rinoa’s POV*

I wasn’t sure where I was the next time I opened my eyes. It was cold and I shivered a little as I glanced about at my surroundings. The carpet was dark burgundy beneath my feet, similar to the carpet of my living room, but I wasn’t at home. The walls were lavish but aging and there was a smoky haze that permeated the small room. _I’m pregnant!_ I worried suddenly, and I tugged an arm warmer off to cover my mouth and nose. _Wait…I_ was _pregnant…am I still?_ I placed my free hand on my abdomen and despaired to find it flat.

My baby was gone…wasn’t she? I died. We…died. I allowed the powder blue fabric to fall from my grasp and I put my face in my hands as a harsh wave of tears overwhelmed me. There was a grand piano in the center of the room. It was sleek and black, and a very familiar melody was whispering from it’s keys. Squall and I shared our first dance at our wedding to Eyes on Me. _Squall…I’m so sorry, baby. I know I promised forever. I know._ I thought gloomily. I couldn’t bare to imagine the pain he would be in when woke to find me gone. All our time together I had promised he would never be alone again, and I had lied.

A soft hand suddenly grazed my shoulder and for half a second my heart leapt with joy. “Squall?!”

“Not quite, baby. But hopefully you’re happy to see me, too.” It was a voice I hadn’t heard in over three decades and yet I recognized it at an instant.

I shot out of the booth I was seat at and almost knocked the table over with my clumsy knees. “Momma?!” Julia Heartilly was standing before me clear as day looking just as young and radiant as she ever had. I was so young when I lost her, but every detail of her face was seared into my memory. I was embarrassed when she chuckled to herself and I backed away from her a little as I tucked my arms behind my back. I rocked nervously and glanced down at the soles of my boots. “Are you…really my mom?”

“Of course I am. This is heaven, Rinny. Well, sort of. We are somewhere between. I was sent to greet you, just as Raine and I were sent to great Julia all those years ago.”

I wrinkled my nose a little at her. I hoped my five-year-old hadn’t been sent to a smoky lounge. It was almost as if she could read my mind and she chuckled again. “You’re still just as silly as you ever were. I took my grandbaby someplace appropriate, I assure you.”

I wanted to laugh, but I wasn’t in the mood. Where had she taken her other grandbaby? I wanted my daughter. My hands fluttered to my midsection and I grimaced. “I want my baby. Where is my baby?”

Momma smiled. “Eleanora is with me.”

My eyebrows furrowed a little and I swallowed the lump forming in the back of my throat. What a beautiful name. Squall would have loved it. “Eleanora?”

My mother nodded at me and placed a cold hand overtop my own. “You and Squall wanted Lissa to feel included in the family now that you’re her guardian. You let her name the baby. Eleanora Gaeil Leonhart is what she picks. It’s a mixture of Laguna and Edea’s names.”

I was confused and I flinched as she ebbed my tears away with the back of her hand. “You say that as if that future hasn’t been s-stolen away.”

Mom leaned in to press a long overdue kiss to the side of my face, all the while still cradling my empty womb. “Nothing has been stolen from you, Rinny. She’s right here.” Her hands glowed a brilliant white for several moments before I felt my midsection expand. I was suddenly swollen with child again and I didn’t understand as I looked up at my mother from underneath my eyelashes, as if I were still just a baby myself. “Yevon is allowing me to bestow the child with a gift.”

I didn’t follow, but Momma knew that. She could see it in my eyes. “Mommy—”

It had been so long since I’d gotten to call her that and her deep brown eyes filled with unshed tears as she smiled and waved a ghostly hand toward the booth, bidding me to sit. “Let me explain, baby.” I did as she asked and took a seat, taking every opportunity I had to snuggle into her side. I had missed her so much. There wasn’t a single day that went by since the accident that I hadn’t thought about my mother. Not in thirty-five years. She wove her fingers between my own and sighed. “I can feel it in your soul, my love. I know you’re worn down and tired. But I need you to hear me when I say that it isn’t your time. There is so much left for you to do before you can pass.”

“Is that why I haven’t released my powers yet?” My voice sounded flat to my own ears and I was surprised at myself. I didn’t really want to stay dead…did I? I missed my family, and yet, there was a part of me that resonated with her words. I _was_ tired. Tired of being a Sorceress. Tired of watching my children suffer. Tired of the weight of Timber being on my shoulders. It could all be over if I’d let it.

Mom nodded. “Your heart has stopped, but your body will not begin to experience cellular death until you’ve passed on properly and released your magic. We aren’t doing that, however, not today. You and Eleanora are going to wake up and finish what you set out to do. You have a long happy life ahead of you, Rinoa Faye. Go back and live it.”

I didn’t understand. What had I set out to do? What purpose could I possibly have? I wasn’t anything special. I should be allowed to die just like everyone else. “But what could I possibly—”

“Rinoa Faye Heartilly—” She pulled out her stern mom voice and I folded my arms across my tiny bump. I was forty years old.

“Leonhart.” I grumbled.

I expected my mother to be equally as annoyed with me, but she wasn’t. That wasn’t her way. It never had been. She snickered and squeezed my hand with all her might. “Fine, fine. Leonhart, if that will get you to listen. You have three children who desperately need you. Forget Timber for a moment, let’s pretend like they could function without you, which they cannot. Do you know what would happen if you were to die? I’ve seen that version of the future, and it is not pretty.” She admitted softly. “Julia would go into labor and lose Tadashi. She and Squall would both take their lives. Tatsuki would try to raise Trinity alone, before Soichiro sued for custody. And you don’t…you don’t want to know what befell Trinity after that. No mother would. All of those things go against the fate Yevon laid out for your family. You were not meant to die today.”

“Then why did it happen? Who hurt me?” I half begged. I needed to know. My family was in danger, I could feel it in my gut. I hadn’t realized I was the glue holding my family together. Knowing my firstborn and my husband couldn’t bare to live without me hurt just as much as it warmed my heart. I didn’t want that for them. I needed to protect all of them in any way that I could. I supposed that was my true purpose. I loved them so much.

Momma placed a hand on my knee and leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder. “It shouldn’t have happened. The person who did this to you…he’s set things in motion that never should have transpired. Soichiro wasn’t supposed to make it this far, but someone has taken fate into his own hands. Yevon’s design would have had Soichiro perish by Squall’s hands shortly after the assault, and that has not happened, clearly. The natural balance has been upset. Destiny is changed.”

“But you won’t tell me whose playing with our lives?”

“Yevon has forbade it, Rinny. You know I would tell you if I could. There is already so much that we are working to undo. Knowing your fate too early would do nothing but bring about more harm.” I wanted to argue with her, but she perked up suddenly, as if she were being called on by a force I could neither see nor hear. “I have to go, you’re needed back in your body, baby girl. I love you so much.”

“W-Wait!” I bleated desperately. “Tell me how, Momma. How did anyone rewrite destiny? That doesn’t make any sense!” I was crying. There was a five-year-old little girl deep inside of me that desperately wanted to stay with her mother.

“He isn’t the first to do so. Oryx’s meddling rewrote fate when he attempted to play god. He got everyone trapped in a time loop as a result, where Squall and Ultimecia all but created each other. The situation is here is…similar. That’s all I can tell you. Rinny, listen to me, look at your Mommy,” She begged soothingly. “You can do this, and I love you so much. I always did.” My mother pressed a tender kiss to the center of my forehead and sniffled a little as she pulled back to smile at me. “I am so proud of the woman you’ve become.”

I choked on my own tears and I struggled to maintain my grasp on my mother as I felt her slipping away. I didn’t want to lose her again and my chest was tight with grief as I felt a sharp tug on my soul. I was being pulled back to the present. I was alive. I could hear hospital monitors beeping and there was a soft body laying next to mine. My vision hadn’t returned, but that smell…I knew that smell. “S-Squall?”

I could sense my husband’s body beside mine, but he didn’t respond. Panic flooded through me and I reached to firmly grasp his hand. I knew it was him. He was my husband and my Knight. I had been with him almost my entire life. It was him. Why wouldn’t he answer me? “Squally…wake up.” My vision faded in and out a little, but it was slowly sharpening as I rolled over on my side to squint at his sleeping figure. I cupped his cheek with my hand before trailing the other to my belly. There were wires and monitors pasted to my skin, but I felt no wound. I could hear my daughter’s rapid little heartbeat thumping from the monitor and my body was flooded with relief. _She made it back with me. Oh thank Yevon._

Squall wasn’t stirring beside me and I wanted to know why. If I was going to live, he and the kids were the only thing in the world that mattered. Nothing else. I had been given a second chance to make things right for my family, and I was going to take it. I tried to summon magic, to heal whatever ailed him, but I was still weak from being outside my body, and nothing was functioning yet. I swore under my breath and blinked hard in an attempt at focusing my eyes.

“Mom?” The sweet shaky voice belonged to my eldest child and sadness pricked my heart. I had treated her so coldly. I couldn’t see her, but I felt her as she rushed to my bedside from where she had sat next to her father. “M-Momma!” The cry was pitiful, and for a moment she was a baby in my arms again.

“Shhh, Momma’s got you, Julie. I’m so sorry. Momma’s got you.”


	92. Chapter 92

*Julia’s POV*

“N-No, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for everything, I’m a t-terrible daughter.” My lungs felt like I was on fire as I cradled my sweet mother against the swell of my breasts. My milk had come in, so it was painful, but I didn’t care. I’d have taken any pain in the world to have my mother back. Doctor Zabac had told us she was brain dead by the time they got her heart started up again…Tatsuki and I were anticipating a funeral, not a reunion.

I was having steady contractions, but I didn’t dare open my mouth about it as I swayed with my mother in my arms. She hadn’t been out long, only a few hours, but it was long enough to send me mentally and emotionally over the edge. Making things right with Mom came before the twins in the moment, whether that was right or not, I wasn’t sure anymore. “You hush. I should have never said what I said to you, I started it. If anyone is terrible it’s me.”

I shook my head so hard I thought my brain might actually rattle out of my skull. “No, you were right, and I deserved every bit of what you said to m-me. I was being ungrateful, and I d-didn’t mean too, Momma, I’m just s-scared, and I thought—” I bit my tongue as hard as I could to keep from crying out as a harsh contraction radiated from my back to the center of my tummy. Mom shushed me again and her eyebrows furrowed as her hands felt around my abdomen.

“Julia Raine, your belly is hard as a rock. That is not a Braxton hicks’ contraction.” Her voice tremored slightly with worry and she pressed a kiss to my popped-out bellybutton. “Listen to me, Julie. Tadashi isn’t going to make it if he comes right now. He won’t. I have to call the doctor.” Mom was clenching me against her desperately and I couldn’t help the small cry that rolled from my lungs. I knew I sounded pitiful, but I was frightened, and my heart was broken.

“M-Mama do you love him?” Snot was running down my face and I let out a loud groan as the contraction seemed to peak and worsen. She massaged me gently and tears of her own spilled down her round face.

“Of course I love him, baby. He’s an extension of you. I just didn’t want—never mind, it’s not important right now. Saving the twins is all that matters right now okay?” Mom started to press the button to call for a nurse on her hospital bed, but I grabbed for her hand before pressing it flat against the beat of my heart.

I was gripping her with a strength that frightened her, I could see it written in her eyes, but I needed her to hear me. She was my mother. She had been my very first friend and my longest companion. I loved her more than anything, and it was time I showed her. “No doctor until you promise.” I whimpered. “Promise you’ll n-never leave me again. They t-told me you were dead, Mom.” A harsh sob strangled me as I attempted to speak, and I couldn’t even see her face. “I can’t be w-w-without you…I love you!”

“Oh, Julia.” Her voice was maternal and warm, and she peppered my face with kisses as she did her best to dry my eyes. “I will always love you, and I will always be right here. I’m not going anywhere. You did your best to get me to a hospital. It’s my turn to take care of you now, okay?”

I nodded and rubbed each side of my bump tenderly as she called for the doctor. Guilt was already plaguing me, and I prayed to every god in existence that my water didn’t break. If I lost either child after all this, there was going to be nothing left of me. Mom almost died, Dad was unconscious with his head split open, and Noctis was all but comatose in the waiting room with Tatsuki, suicidal and being watched. All of it was my fault. The death of Tadashi would be my final nail.

Tadashi. All of this had started over his existence. Tatsuki was hurting in a way he hadn’t verbalized, but I could see it and hear it plain as day in his voice. He would have never snapped at my mother or my brother if he wasn’t rubbed raw inside. His decision to name the baby after his father might have been ill advised, with emotions running as high as they were. He had unknowingly attached a deep meaning for himself to my son, and the hesitation to warm to the child felt like my family was rejecting his dad.

On the other hand, I was beginning to understand what my mother was feeling. It hurt me more than she would ever know that she thought of the child growing inside of me as a potential monster in the making. It had felt like a slap in the face after everything I had been through, and I exploded at her. I told her she and Noctis could both go to hell and go fuck themselves if they couldn’t accept my child, and that was wrong. Momma was trying to process what was happening as best she could, and I wasn’t allowing her the time she needed to do so. I wasn’t the only one who lost something the day I was assaulted, and I wasn’t the only person hurting.

Tadashi was a sweet two-pound bundle of love inside of me. I didn’t want to entertain the idea that something could be wrong with him. I knew he was sick, that was one thing, but something being mentally and emotionally wrong with him was another entirely. Soichiro seemed to be an anomaly within his family, which brought me comfort. Raijin was a good man and Xu seemed to be an honorable woman as well. Kazane was perfectly normal and Autumn…well, she was cold at times, but she wasn’t her brother. That said, Xu’s father had been a psychopath, and that suggested that something nefarious could have been passed to Soichiro.

If that were true, that same something could have been passed to either of my own children. I had to accept the possibility. _Aunt Selphie is Axel Tilmitt’s child, too._ I reminded myself. _Jacob is perfectly healthy and normal._ Soichiro was a fluke. I had to believe that. I was too in love with my babies to believe anything different. They were my heart. My heart that was…being torn in two. By the time Doctor Zabac made it into Mom’s hospital room my contractions were almost back to back and I was immediately whisked away from her bedside.

“They’re coming, aren’t they?” I wept. “I’m losing them.”

Doctor Zabac’s face was ashen white with worry as they wheeled me to labor and delivery, but his jaw was set firmly. “Your mother just miraculously recovered from being clinically dead. If that is within the realm of what is possible, then anything is possible. I’ve been your attending physician since you were fifteen years old. I’m saving these twins.” He promised.

*Tatsuki’s POV*

I didn’t know how else to comfort Noctis and I had never felt more like a fraud. This was all my fault. I’d let my emotions cloud my judgement and now the love of my life’s mother was laying dead beside her husband. How could anyone apologize for such a thing? I might as well have killed her myself, it was my fault she was out there. I wasn’t sure what had happened to me. It was as if I was drunk on love. Love for Julia, love for the twins, and love for my parents. I had never been one to behave this way. Never.

_Some Knight you’re turning out to be._ I criticized myself mentally. Noctis wouldn’t allow me to touch him and I didn’t a bit blame him. I had accused him of being naïve when his wife and unborn baby were losing their fight with lupus right under my nose. “Noctis, I’m sorry.” I whispered. “You don’t have to accept my apology, but I’m so, so sorry.” I bowed my head slightly and he whipped around to look at me like I’d stuck him.

“Thanks for the permission to deny you forgiveness. I’ll take you up on it.” The kid’s tone was viscous, and I flinched a little at the heat that radiated off him. It was nothing I didn’t deserve. I knew that. I had let the hurt in my heart over missing my father create a bad situation for all of us. I deserved whatever any of them threw at me, and I half hoped Headmaster Leonhart would kill me when he woke. Rinoa deserved to be avenged.

I thought Noctis was going to take a swing at me and I screwed my eyes shut as I waited for the blow that never came. He thought I was arrogant, and perhaps he was right to. I had never experienced life outside the Garden and the Pet Shop. It had always just been my mother and I, for as long as I could remember, and I let Squall’s attention go to my head. I creaked an eye back open after a few seconds and noticed that he had turned his gaze from me.

Alarm flooded my body immediately as I caught sight of what he was staring at. Julia was being wheeled from her parent’s room at the speed of lightening and the moan she let out seemed to ricochet off the sterile hospital walls. _No._ I thought desperately. _Not the babies, not my babies._ I started to sprint down the hallway but Noctis gripped the back of my jacket and tugged me back with a force that surprised me. “I think you need to leave.”

“They’re my children—”

“They are _NOT_ your children.” Noctis screamed to loud the vein in his forehead popped out and several attending nurses and patients alike turned to stare at us. “Those twins belong to my family. You’re not a part of that and you don’t belong here. Go home.” He barked.

My heart shattered in my chest as I watched him chase his sister down the hallway and I slowly sank to my knees. No one was ever going to accept how much I loved those kids. Maybe it wasn’t normal. Maybe I didn’t have any business marrying Julia. All I ever wanted was to be there for her, but I had already overstepped so many boundaries. Clearly I wasn’t considered family, and I couldn’t push the envelope any further. I didn’t dare follow. If the babies were coming now…that meant it was over. Tadashi was going to die.

_You sealed his fate by naming him after the departed. How could you be so stupid._ I thought miserably. This really was all my fault. I needed to light a candle for my son at the altar. I needed to ask my father to guide him and protect and watch over him. Someone needed to be waiting for him when he crossed over, so he wouldn’t be scared. I didn’t want my little boy to be scared. My shoulders shook violently as I wept into my hands. “If you’re going to take somebody take me.” I whispered beneath my breath. “Take me, don’t take Tadashi from Julia.”

In their haste the doctors had left the Leonhart’s door wide open and I heard a sweet voice call to me from where I sat crumpled in a heap in the hallway. I’d have recognized that voice anywhere and my heart leapt into my throat. “Miss Rinoa? N-Noa, is that you?”

Rinoa’s laugh was gentle and light, like wind chimes, and I never thought I would get to hear it again. “It’s me, Tatsuki, I’m okay. I’m not hurt, come here. I think we need to talk.”


	93. Chapter 93

I didn’t deserve the kindness in her voice. I was standing before a medical miracle. I couldn’t stop crying and Rinoa gently reached for my hand to give it a firm squeeze. “I heard what my son said. I wanted to tell you that I’m grateful for the love you’ve given my daughter and my grandchildren, okay? I don’t want you to think that I’m not.”

I couldn’t look at her and the tears wouldn’t stop as I jammed my hands awkwardly into the pockets of my slacks. “N-No, ma’am, please…p-please don’t thank me for anything, I don’t deserve it. I killed—”

“No, you didn’t.” Rinoa said graciously. “You did not kill me. Don’t put that on yourself. You are more like Squall every day.” She noted with a small chuckle.

That was a compliment I was wholly unworthy of. Squall was a better man than I ever dreamed of being, and he had daunting shoes to fill. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to lose my temper.”

Rinoa chuckled again but I failed to see what was funny. I had treated her terribly after everything she had done to welcome me into her family. Her downturned brown doe eyes sparkled with life and I was so grateful that she was still with us. “We all do sometimes, and I understand why you did. You thought you were protecting Tadashi. Someone needs to be looking out for those kids, and you didn’t have to step up to be their dad. Don’t think that Squall and I don’t see that, we do.”

I wasn’t looking for praise. That’s not why I wanted to be their dad. I just loved them, and I loved their mother. That was all there was to it. I swallowed hard. “The baby…y-your little girl…”

The smile that lit Rinoa’s face was bright and she held up a single finger as she pointed to the monitor attached to her abdomen. “You’re not paying attention, silly. She’s fine. We’re both unscathed.”

She was right, I hadn’t paid much attention to her abdomen until then. I had been too shaken by the news that she was alive at all, and alert and having a conversation at that. “H-How…” There was no entry or exit wound. She looked just as healthy and pregnant as she had when she’d stormed from the house that afternoon. Rinoa didn’t answer me and I followed her eyes to her husband, who was tossing and turning beside her. She cupped his cheek with her hand and tenderly rubbed his face as his eyes fluttered opened.

Rinoa was a forgiving woman, clearly, but I didn’t want to be within spitting distance of Squall, and I backed up as he struggled to sit. “Tatsuki…” He growled my name and Rinoa gently attempted to soothe him while frantically waving me off with her hand. She knew I was in for it if I didn’t make myself scarce.

“Rinoa he—”

“Let him go, baby. Let him go.”

I offered him a rigid SeeD Salute and flew from the room with my head down like a bat out of hell. I didn’t care what Noctis said, I had to find my wife. She was possibly about to give birth to still born children, and I had to be her rock. She couldn’t do it alone, and I didn’t want her to. I was drenched in sweat and my hands were shaking violently at my side as I sprinted toward the sound of her cries. Noctis could deck me if he wanted to, that would have to be okay. I wasn’t going anywhere. What kind of man would that make me?

Doctor Zabac had her reclined in the bed and he was injecting something into her arm when I all but kicked the door down. Some sort of paternal instinct had stirred inside of me and I wanted to know what was going in their bodies. I fought the protective snarl that bubbled deep within my chest, knowing being overly protective would blow up in my face like it had all day. Noctis tried to grab for me when I ran to his sister’s bedside, but he stopped just short of jerking my shoulder back when his phone suddenly vibrated.

Noctis was quiet for a moment as he read whatever text had come through and his eyes were glistening with tears as he jammed the device back into one of the many pockets of his black cargo shorts. I opened my mouth to ask if he was okay, but the furious glare that twisted his expression shut me up. “I have to go. You take care of my sister while I’m gone, or I swear to Yevon you’ll be next person she has to bury.”

My mouth went dry and I knew I had to tell him before he did anything stupid. “Noctis wait…I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that your mother is alive. I just spoke with her.”

Noctis didn’t turn to look at me but I could hear the tense sob that rattled loose from his chest and he bolted from the room as fast as his skinny legs could carry him. All the while Julia’s moans were sputtering off and slowing, as if she were losing consciousness, and I turned my attention back to her immediately. I threaded my fingers in her tangled brown hair and I rested my free hand on her aching abdomen. “What’s happening to her?” I was crying again, and I felt like a basket case as Doctor Zabac shot me a bittersweet smile.

“She’s in labor. One centimeter dilated already. I’m doing everything in my power to stop it, but I’m going to need you to trust me. She’s…going to be out for a while.”

I swore under my breath. She just got out of a nine week long stay in this very hospital for this very reason. Being medically unconscious near constantly couldn’t be healthy for her, or the babies. “What are the long-term side effects?” I whispered.

“Well, anemia is a concern for sure, we’ll have to monitor that. That’s my main concern. We don’t want her to have issues with blood loss when it comes time to have her c-section. Other than that, it’s common for medically induced comas to result in loss of natural ability to breathe on ones own. I don’t want you to worry about that too much, though. We can always put her on a ventilator.” He said it so casually it made me sick and everything I was holding back spilled forward.

I flung my arm out to the side, something I had seen Squall do when he was angry since I was a small boy, and my Limit was dangerously close to the edge as my wife’s beautiful blue eyes rolled to the back of her skull. He hadn’t even asked permission of either of us before putting her under, he’d just done it. “Wake her up _now!_ Julia’s lungs are weak, she’s severely asthmatic, you cannot put her on a ventilator, I won’t allow it. And what’s this about a c-section? That’s not in our birth plan.”

Doctor Zabac scoffed and folded his arms tightly across his chest. “Birth plan? You say that like you have any say in the matter. Do you have any idea how much damage your wife sustained during her assault? If a single thing went wrong during delivery she could bleed to death. Anemia would be the least of your worries, then.” I opened my mouth to defend my wife’s right to a midwife, but the doctor wasn’t finished speaking and cut me off. “Are you really willing to make that decision, Mr. Mamoru? You’re willing to have me wake her and risk these twins coming early?”

“I think we’ll manage.” I spat through clenched teeth. “Wake. Her. Up.” I knew there had to be something else that could be done. I had never in my life heard of someone being put to sleep over preterm labor, and this would be the second time Doctor Zabac had pushed for it. Maybe it was an Estharian or Galbadian practice? I had never lived outside of Timber’s walls. But I did know one thing. No one was putting my wife on life support when she didn’t need to be. Her body could only handle so much, and I knew she emotionally didn’t want to miss any more of her pregnancy.

“On your head be the consequences.” Doctor Zabac snarled. “If we lose Tadashi, I’ll tell her father that her husband made that call.”

I hesitated for a moment, but only for a moment. I had been making a string of bad choices that were pissing off my new extended family, but this wasn’t going to be one of them. I could feel it in my gut, putting her to sleep was not the correct course of action. I was her Knight, and this was to be my first official order of protection. I wasn’t playing around. I puffed my chest out and coiled a protective hand around our twins. “So be it. Be expecting a release of medical records request from us shortly, we’ll be switching doctors. Wake her up now before I sue your ass to the Lunar Base for malpractice.”

*Noctis’s POV*

For a moment I had thought Tatsuki was trying to hurt me, but he hadn’t lied. My heart exploded in my chest when I flung my parent’s hospital room door open to find them both alive and awake. My mother didn’t have a scratch on her, and my sister had a heartbeat. I didn’t know how it was possible, but I knew better than to question fate. _Just be grateful._ I wept to myself. _Be grateful for your sweet mother._ My parents both latched onto me hard, and I wondered for a few brief moments if this was what it felt like to be the favorite. Dad was even crying as he wove his arms around the both of us and I prayed with all I was that it was enough to wipe the pain from my heart.

But it wasn’t. The text I had received at Julia’s bedside had all but ripped my heart from my chest, as I wasn’t sure that I was going to recover. “M-Mom! Momma…” I wept harshly into my mother’s chest and she shushed me as she and Dad rocked me as if I were still a small boy. We had lost her. For a few terrible hours my mother had gone where I could not follow, and I couldn’t handle it. I was so blessed that she was breathing in my arms again. “I love you more than anything.”

“I know baby, I love you too. You’re my little man.” Momma cooed. I felt my father press a firm kiss to the back of my head and it meant enough to me that I wept harder. He loved me. He loved me just as much as he loved Julia and I could see that now. I wanted to tell them about the text, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I could have lived in my parents embrace forever.

Fact of the matter was, though, I needed to get home. I needed to be by my wife’s side. The text had been from her father. Nothing seemed to be getting any easier for my side of the family and no matter what I did I couldn’t will the sadness away. I was going to lose her. I was going to lose them both. “D-Daddy…”

“Oh, Noctis. I’m right here. You’re my son, and I’m so proud of how strong you’ve been. It’s okay now, I’m here. I’ve got you.” Dad’s voice was soft and tender, and he petted my raven black hair away from my face as I continued to cling to my mother. I wished that were true. I wished everything was going to be okay. All I wanted was for the love of my life to be healthy. It was all I had ever wanted…and she was going to die.


	94. Chapter 94

*Squall’s POV*

I was angry when Rinoa sent Tatsuki away before I could give the kid a piece of my mind, but I would have to allow that to fall to the wayside. I had just realized where we were, and the myriad of wires attached to my wife and daughter sent pure terror plowing through me. Too much had happened to our family in a very short amount of time. I couldn’t take anymore. We had lived seventeen peaceful years after the fall of the Orderless. I couldn’t understand why everything was suddenly falling apart. “Rinoa…what happened, is our daughter—”

Rinoa smiled in that way only she could, and my heart stuttered inside my chest. Why had she always been so lovely? I could feel my muscles relax and soften as she looked at me like that, like she could calm me with her eyes alone. “She’s perfectly healthy, Squally. We both are. I promise.”

I was confused and my hands were all over her little bump as I spoke. “Then why are—”

“I died.” She blurted suddenly. “We…died. The baby and I, I mean. But it wasn’t our time, and Yevon sent us both back.” Rinoa’s dark lashes fluttered against her pale cheeks and her lips quivered a little as she brought my wedding band to her lips to kiss. “I saw her, Squall. I saw my mom. She couldn’t tell me who attacked us…only that fate had been slightly knocked off course. I wasn’t meant to die, I’m supposed to be right here, for you.”

I was immediately sick. It was like losing Julia all over again. Here she was, alive in my arms, but I had failed to protect her. Someone had gotten the better of me, after all the years of keeping her safe. Never again. I was going to hunt them, and they were going to wish they never laid a finger on her. “I won’t have it.”

Rinoa’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“I won’t have it!” I slung my arm out to the side and gagged violently as thick tears rolled down my cheeks. Rinoa’s hands were immediately all over me and my breathing was jagged with panic as I felt her tenderly grab for the sides of my face. “No one will touch you or our children ever again. This ends today, I’m going to kill him.” I spat through clenched teeth. I didn’t have to say who ‘him’ was, she knew. She knew I was blaming Soichiro Yoshioka for everything.

Rinoa kissed me slowly and for the sake of keeping the anger boiling inside me I almost wished she wouldn’t. I melted into the kiss and my hands petted our baby as my wife nibbled lovingly on my bottom lip. I could never lose this. She was my heart. “I know you’ll find him.” She breathed. “If anyone can, it’s you. My hero.” She teased me a little with that last part, but I couldn’t bring myself to roll my eyes. My emotions were fried.

“First, Tatsuki,” I muttered. “That kids had it coming for weeks now.”

Rinoa sighed and her expression pinched suddenly, as if she hadn’t been screaming at him just a few hours earlier. Sometimes she confused me. Her emotions were so unpredictable. “I don’t know that punishing Tatsuki is the answer. You didn’t see him and Julia earlier. They were a sorry mess. Julia was having stress contractions worrying herself over us. They both feel awful.”

Worry pricked at my stomach and I could feel the tight frown etched into my face deepen. I wanted to be angry with the boy, too, but I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t concerned about my grandchildren. I did love them, no matter what Julia said or thought. “Stress contractions? Is she okay?”

I didn’t like the way Rinoa was chewing on the inside of her cheek and my heart sank low in my chest as her eyes glazed over. “She’s in labor, Squall. I know for a fact if the doctor can’t stop it…Tadashi won’t make it. My mother told me so. He very well may die, after I called him a m-monster.”

“You weren’t wrong to think that.” My voice was tight and dry in my throat and my heart was breaking into millions of tiny pieces. I wasn’t overly attached to the child, but my daughter was, and that meant something to me. “Wrong to say it, but not wrong to feel it. I’m…worried about the man he might grow into, too. But we have to give him a chance. That’s the whole reason Julia couldn’t bring herself to terminate the pregnancy in the first place. She thought Trinity deserved a fighting chance.”

I raised a sweet girl. Self-absorbed and a little naïve, sure, but sweet. She was softer and gentler than any SeeD I’d known before her, and it got her up to her eyeballs in trouble. But…I wouldn’t have changed an inch of my little girl. Not for all the Gil in the world. Rinoa nodded. “I know that now. And seeing the way Tatsuki is in love with those babies…it just…it makes me hurt that they aren’t his. He’s going to be a great dad, once he calms down a little. I think the kid’s emotions are just shot. His entire life was completely changed in a little over six months.”

That…was true. Maybe I was being too hard on Tatsuki. He and Julia were just kids. They had no idea how in over their heads they were, and they were trying their best. Even still, I wasn’t letting it go with a tap on the wrist. Julia was my daughter, I was less inclined to be hard on her, but I needed to know my son-in-law was cut out for the road ahead of him. He was my daughter’s Knight now, and my granddaughter’s. He needed to prove to me that he was mature enough to handle it. “I’m sending him on a mission. Someplace far and stressful. I think he needs some distance, and to remember that he’s SeeD Commander.”

Rinoa wrinkled her nose up. “His wife is in preterm labor and his children might be stillborn…and you’re going to ship him off to suffer alone?”

I wished she wouldn’t say that. Doctor Zabac could stop her labor. He had to. My little girl wasn’t losing her children and she wasn’t suffering in labor without me by her side. I wouldn’t have that either. It wasn’t an option. I snarled. “They aren’t his children. Not yet. He hasn’t adopted them, and I’m not going to coddle him. He needs to work for his place in this family.”

Rinoa didn’t look like she agreed with me, but I didn’t want to argue. I just wanted to be with her. “Julia…” She whispered. I ran my fingers through my wife’s hair and shushed her, pressing a kiss to her temple as she all but crumbled in my arms.

“Don’t worry about Jules. I’m going to go to her. I’ll…I’ll carry you, if you can’t walk.” I pressed a hand to her belly again and I was choked with concern for the life growing there. Our baby was a miracle.

Rinoa shook her head. “I’m fine, not a scratch, I promise. It’s you I’m worried about.” She acted like she wanted to take a look at my head, but it was throbbing, and I flinched away from her prying fingers.

“I’m fine. Julia comes first always. You know that. All our kids do.”

I avoided her fussing and doting momentarily as we helped each other wrestle free from the trappings of the hospital equipment. My head was swimming, but it didn’t stop me from running full force to labor and delivery. I was angry with Doctor Zabac on top of it all, too. My baby had spent nine weeks in the hospital, most of which was spent unconscious, and labor had clearly only been staved off, not stopped. Every time I called Julia during her honeymoon she was laying down because she was having a contraction. She had gotten a single week out of the hospital, and here she was again. Timber Memorial was supposed to be the most state-of-the-art hospital in Gaia. So far, they hadn’t proved it, and I wondered if Terra was truly doing all he could.

By the time Rinoa and I made it to her room, Julia was sitting up groggily in the bed, like she’d been drugged, and Tatsuki was holding her hand as he gently stroked her large belly. They were both crying, and I lingered in the doorway a moment in an attempt at catching their conversation. I wanted to see. I wanted to make sure I hadn’t been wrong about Tatsuki.

“It’s okay. Please don’t cry. I should have known things would end this way. I’m really s-sorry that I dragged you into this, T. I f-forced you to love children that weren’t going to make it, and t-that was cruel.” Julia’s voice was trembling violently, and her eyes were completely glassed over, like she was in a daze.

Tatsuki shushed her and bent his head to kiss to tears from her cheek. Her breathing was labored, and I could see from all the monitors that she was in the middle of a forceful contraction, though she was putting on a brave face for her husband. “Don’t you say that. Love is not something that can be forced, Julie. I fell in love with these babies on my own, as I fell even deeper in love with you. You listen to me, even if these twins are born today, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure they _both_ come home with us. We’re going to live long, happy lives, just the four of us, in our house with the pink shutters, with our new puppy. You’re going to be so happy, just you wait.”

Julia let out a small pitiful moan and my heart crunched. Her pale hands reached to cup his face and she sniffled. “Baby, you can’t promise me that. God didn’t leave their perfect little lives in our hands, they’re in His. W-What if I’m not meant to be their mother?”

“If for whatever reason, Yevon decides that we aren’t ready,” Tatsuki took a deep breath, and I could tell it was a notion he was unwilling to entertain. It was too painful. “Then you and I will make sure no one ever forgets them. We’ll put up monuments in their precious names and nail their father in court.” Tatsuki’s voice shook with rage around the word father, like it was acid in his mouth. “And then when you’re ready, we’ll try again. They’ll come back to us when it’s their time. We’ll still get to be their parents. We are fated to be, remember?”

My heart softened at his words, and I felt mildly guilty for doubting him. He was being so good to her, and all I had been seeing was the childishness of it all. They were only twenty-three and twenty-two years old. What else had I expected? They were acting out like any traumatized children would, but they loved one another, and they loved these babies. We were going to have to make it work as a family. Sometimes it really did take a village. They were going to need help. They were still growing up…and I was proud to see it happening before my eyes.

A nurse walked around to administer Julia some fluids and Tatsuki narrowed his eyes at her. “What is in that?” There was an anxious edge to his tone that almost made me laugh. It was reminiscent of when we had first been expecting Julia. I’d been such an asshole to the hospital staff, afraid to death that they were hurting her.

“It’s a cocktail of different medications. They’re meant to—”

Doctor Zabac cut in. “They’re meant to stop labor, since you’re not allowing me to keep your wife under.” Terra’s tone was vicious, and his face was red as he suddenly noticed that Rinoa and I were lingering quietly in the doorway. “Oh, thank Yevon. Maybe her father will actually see reason. Tell your idiot son-in-law that I need to put Julia to sleep before her water breaks.” He demanded.


	95. Chapter 95

I glanced from Terra’s beet red face to the pinched expression of my son-in-law, who was protectively coiled around my daughter. The anger that swelled between them was nothing like the spark of a father scorned and it took everything in my body not to have the doctor up by his scrubs. I was sick of it. Estharian medical practices had no business in Timber, though I had let it slide the first time, because it seemed to be helping. Tricking my daughter’s body into thinking it wasn’t in labor by medically inducing a coma was not the same thing as actually stopping the labor. This had been a disaster waiting to happen from the beginning.

It had worked for Rinoa. The same technique had been forcibly used on my wife while I was away in Trabia. I had been so angry that the doctors had tampered with her without her consent, and Terra seemed to be under the impression that it was okay to do the same to my child. Rinoa had been fortunate. It worked because she wasn’t really in labor, she was teetering on the edge of it. Julia had been in actual full-blown labor ever since her injury. It was different and it was dangerous. I was a fool to ever believe she should have been discharged. The twins were viable, but Tadashi was sick. There was no way he was going to make it if they came early.

“You listen to me. You were a cadet under Fujin’s administration in Balamb, were you not? You transferred with Marina to Timber Garden and then dropped out to pursue other interests. I’m glad to find you successful, truly, I am, but you’re not above the law. You’re not even Estharian, your father is Galbadian and you spent your youth on the island, like I did, so where did you even learn—”

Doctor Zabac was caught off guard by my out burst for all of two seconds before his expression twisted with a dark sneer. Terra had had a nasty temper for as long as I’d known him. It was part of the reason I had initially been so shocked to find him working as an OB. I supposed his own children had softened him a little. “Where I learned to practice medicine is not your business, First Gentleman Leonhart. I’m doing what is best for the patient.”

“What you’re doing is malpractice, Terra. You can’t continue to put my daughter on life support, you’re shredding her already fragile lungs. Her asthma is my fault to begin with, I’m not allowing this to continue.”

“Then you’ve decided the twin’s fate for them.”

I pointed a gloved finger in the doctor’s face and growled. “You’re on thin ice as it is. My daughter is already halfway through her pregnancy and you couldn’t even find my grandson until last week. And your nurse did that, it wasn’t even you.”

Doctor Zabac straightened suddenly and held his chin arrogantly high as he smoothed the wrinkles from his stark white lab coat. “So, what, then? You’re saying after all these years of me taking care of Julia, you’re going to stand by Tatsuki’s request for another doctor?”

I hadn’t been aware that Tatsuki had made any such demands, but I wasn’t torn up about it. Terra had been my daughter’s OB since she was about fifteen years old, but that didn’t mean anything special to me. A doctor was a doctor, they were a dime a dozen. He acted like he was her pediatrician. I had been far more attached to them, they had watched her grow up. The Garden doctor had taken excellent care of her as a child. I was sure Terra did care about Julia, especially after being her cousin’s legal guardian for quite some time, but it didn’t give him the right to make her medical decisions for her. “Terra I’m sorry, but I’m standing by her husband’s choice.”

Tatsuki looked up at me with wide, surprised eyes. I didn’t smile at him. He and I were still due for a very uncomfortable conversation. Terra’s jaw set rigidly, and he turned his gaze toward Julia in a last-ditch effort at keeping his patient. It was the first and only time he asked her for her opinion. That was the problem. “Does Julia not get a say in all this? We are, after all, talking about  _ her  _ medical care.”

My daughter was so pale, and her skin was wet and clammy as she fought to stay calm for her twins. Her hands looked small stretched over her huge tummy and she was clinging to her middle like it was the only thing in the world that had ever mattered to her. “I don’t c-care about me. I j-just want someone to save my babies. They haven’t done anything wrong,” She croaked hoarsely. “P-Please, please save my babies.”

I reached to place my hand on the top of my daughter’s head, and I ran my fingers through her hair gently as I attempted to shush her. “We  _ are  _ saving them, baby. I promise. And that starts with Doctor Zabac leaving. Now.”

Terra hauled off and kicked the nearby trashcan, denting it in several places as he tore from the room. The nurse that had given Julie her medicine was still in the room, hovering with a protective hand on the girl’s arm. I smiled at her and asked her name. “My name is A-Aera, sir. Aera Ahn. I was the nurse attending when we found out about our mister Tadashi.” She crooned gently.

“I like her.” Julia piped up, though her voice was weak as water.

If Julia liked her, that was enough for me. “You did good work, then. I need you to do something very important for me, okay?”

Nurse Ahn’s presence felt small for such a curvy woman, like she was almost afraid to look at me. She was timid, and I offered her the most reassuring smile in my small arsenal. A few wavy strands of pitch-black hair fell from the thick bun on the top of her head and she fiddled with it anxiously. “Sir?”

“I need you to go and find the best OBGYN in this facility. I know it isn’t Terra, there has to be someone else on the birthing floor that knows what to do here.”

Nurse Ahn was quiet for a few moments before she let out a deep sigh. Her hands fluttered to her abdomen for just a beat as she gazed at Julia’s swollen belly, and I guessed that she must be pregnant herself. That’s why she was taking such good care of her. “I just administered some terbutaline and a mix of corticosteroids to help speed the development of these babies’ lungs as we slow these contractions. Frankly, sir, I am going to need something stronger to prevent the onset of preterm labor indefinitely. These medicines may only help for a few days.”

That hadn’t answered my question, but she held up her hand when I attempted to speak. “Doctor Zabac is the lead doctor in labor and delivery, but my mother was also a doctor who specialized in birth and women’s health. I can…I can help you. But I’m going to need you to bring me some items that…aren’t exactly legal.”

I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. Terra was already using methods that were experimental at best. I wasn’t interested in doing anything that was going to bring further harm to my child’s body. “Tell me why they’re illegal. Are they going to hurt—”

Nurse Ahn huffed and shook her head. “They aren’t used in mainstream medicine because it’s considered herbal witch medicine. The herbs I need to treat her with grow only in the Shumi village. They are potent and rich with magic, due to the fact they only grow in soil surrounding natural Draw Points. They can cure many ailments, if you know what you’re doing.”

I grimaced. “How are we supposed to get our hands on that?” I spat through my teeth. “We are at war with the Shumi, in case you’ve forgotten.”

The kind nurse merely smiled, and I could tell by the twinkle in her hazel eyes that it was genuine in spite of my sour mood. “I wouldn’t have suggested it were it unattainable, but it’ll be hard fought. I promise you, though, I won’t report a word of it, and I’ll keep Doctor Zabac out of this room.”

“…I’ll do anything to make sure both of my grandchildren make it into this world alive. Anything. Tell me.”

I could feel Julia’s eyes on me, and I wished I hadn’t braved a look at her when I did. Her downturned blue eyes were wide and full of unshed tears as her lips twitched into a smile. It was sweet, but it hurt me just the same. She had truly believed Rinoa and I didn’t want these kids to exist. We had made her feel like the lives growing inside of her were worthless. “Daddy, we can’t ask her to risk her job.”

I laid a hand on her abdomen and rubbed it absently as her tears continued to fall. I wanted her to know that I meant every word of what I said, and my heart skipped a beat as one of the twins rolled happily beneath my touch. Somehow it hadn’t felt…real to me, until that moment. These babies were real, and they belonged to my little girl. They belonged to our family. “Julia…do Tadashi and Trinity have the luxury of not asking for her help? I don’t…contrary to popular belief, I don’t want us to lose them.”

Nurse Ahn chuckled and shook her head. “I wasn’t asking permission. If I can save these twins, I’m going to do it. I’ve been monitoring them since they were conceived. I don’t take that lightly. The herbs only grow on Winter Island...but...the creature called PuPu has been known to hoard them. Take this elixir and go, it’ll want it in exchange. Ask it for what the Shumi call Ziss. Humans typically refer to it as Shine Fruit.”

She had to be kidding. I’d only ever ran into the  PuPu in Timber once in my life and it had been pushing twenty-five years ago. Was the damn thing even still alive? I blinked at her stupidly for a few moments and frowned. “How...long do I have to find it?”

“Maybe three days if we’re lucky. I can’t stop the labor for long on my own with what we have.” 

I had no idea where to even start, but that was going to have to be okay. I had to save them. I would make a way where there wasn’t one. “Rinoa, will you come with me?” It had been a long time since she and I had gone out fighting together, and I wouldn’t have asked if I had thought our child would be in any real danger. The  PuPu was pretty docile, from what I remembered. All we had to worry about were the measly monsters that occasionally lurked around our forests and the Obel Lake. I wasn’t going to need her help in combat, it was an excuse to keep her with me, and she knew that. She smiled. 

“As a family.” Rinoa whispered. She threaded her fingers between my own and I gave her hand a firm squeeze. I knew her meaning. We would save our grandchildren as a family. Excitement fluttered in my stomach and I bent to press a small kiss to Julia’s hairline. I was happy to at least have an action plan. We could do this. These babies weren’t out of options yet. 

“Please be careful ...someone h-hurt you, someone killed Momma.” Julia croaked.

I shushed her once more and Rinoa wrapped her arms around our daughter’s middle to give all three of our precious ones a hug. “Don’t you worry about me, baby. Daddy and I are going to make it all go away. I promise.” 


	96. Chapter 96

*Seifer's POV*

For once in my life I felt somewhat at peace. I was lounging on my old beat-up couch with my daughter curled into my side as we mindlessly watched whatever teen drama she was into that week. I didn’t care what was on, I was only there to love on her. Being Vivienne’s father was something I worked very hard for, and I cherished every night that we got to spend together. Aonir was stretched out on her back at our feet and she snored softly as Vivi shivered next to me. I pulled the old yellow blanket that had once belonged to her mother up over her shoulder’s and pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her face. “Vivi, baby, go on to bed, you’re tired.” 

I felt her shake her head no and she groaned. “No, Daddy. I want to stay here with you.” 

I smirked. “You can always sleep with me. You know that.” I knew Vivienne was a little old for it now, but we had always kept an open-door policy. She knew she was allowed to crawl in bed with me at any time during the night. She was a Sorceress, and on top of that she was plagued with that damn Connect ability. Sometimes sleeping was a little scary for her. I would do absolutely anything to make sure my daughter felt safe in her own house. 

“Carry me?” 

I tried not to show it, but her request spread warmth throughout my chest like a wildfire. I hated that I missed so much of her childhood. I wanted that time and that closeness back. I would have given anything. I was overweight now, had been for a few years, and I wasn’t as strong as I used to be, but my daughter was a thin waif of a girl, and it was relatively easy to carry her up the stairs. “You know Daddy will do anything for you.” 

Vivi only smiled and I scooped her effortlessly into my arms as I ambled toward my bedroom. Aonir didn’t stir, but I knew to expect the pudgy old hound to be limping up the stairs after us the moment she couldn’t catch my scent any longer. Life was hard. We had no Gil to our name and the farm was constantly on the verge of collapse, but life was also sweet. I wouldn’t have traded my time with Vivienne for anything. She had my hair and my eyes, but my god did she look more like her mother every single day. She acted like her, too. She acted like Ellone before the trauma had forever changed her. 

I laid the girl in the center of my queen-sized mattress and pulled the tattered old covered up to her chin. There was a loud crash just outside my bedroom window and I tried my best to soothe my daughter as her muscles automatically tensed into a flinch. “Shh, it’s okay. Close your eyes. It’s probably one of those damn Chicobo’s gettin’ into things. I’ll go round them up and be right back, okay? I promise. You sleep.” 

Vivi quieted and I kissed her forehead before I clamored back down the stairs and grabbed for my shotgun. I was sure it was just the birds being birds, but I wasn’t in the business of being reckless. Not anymore. There was always a chance once of those Orderless bastards could come snooping around my baby, and I wasn’t having it. I would gladly kill anyone who dared lay a finger on her. The noise had been back towards the stables closet to my bedroom window and I shone a flashlight in a few of the pins as I crept forward. 

Nothing seemed to be out of place. I kept the mother Chocobos closer to my bedroom than the front door in order to keep an ear out for them if they became distressed. Sometimes giving birth to their eggs was a little rough on the poor things. That meant my purebred racing birds were kept near the front, and none of them had been disturbed. That was a good sign. Those were the Chocobos most people would have been interested in stealing. 

I could hear hushed voices and suddenly a loud WARK broke the stillness of the night air. I dashed forward and growled as I loaded my gun; I bitterly wished I’d never given the Hyperion to Seymour. It now marked the kids grave, it had been a complete waste. I fired a warning shot into the air and Aonir came barreling out of the house to see what the commotion was. The basset hound’s teeth pulled back in a vicious snarl for a moment, but only a moment. She sniffed at the air curiously before her tail started to wag. 

“What the hell?” I muttered under my breath. I squinted real hard at the two terrified silhouettes that were now clinging to one another as one of my younger Chicobos did laps around their legs. 

“S-Seifer it’s me! Please don’t shoot, we’re sorry!” I recognized the voice instantly and I rolled my eyes as I slammed my gun down in the grass. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve. Yuna-Rose showing up and causing a little mayhem was one thing, she was immediate family, but Mellissa Loire didn’t have any business sneaking onto my farm in the middle of the night with that Kinneas boy. 

I frowned deeply at both of them, but I almost didn’t want to yell. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t kind of like Squall’s sister, and she’d been through hell losing both her folks the way she had. She wasn’t a goody-two shoes kiss ass like he had been his entire life. Squall would have licked Cid’s boots if he’d have ordered him to. “You’re trespassing.” It was more a resigned sigh than anything else and Lissa’s sheepish expression dissolved into a wide grin. 

“It’s good to see you too, old man.” 

I couldn’t help but snort at her. She was the only member of the Leonhart flock that didn’t hate my guts. Well, except for maybe Rosie, but she was young yet. Squall didn’t have his claws deep enough in her head yet. 

Lissa’s blue eyes were shiny with mischief, but I could see the pain clear as day nestled behind them. It was a pain I was all too familiar with. I had lost so many people, and I hadn’t deserved not one of them. Once upon a time I’d thought myself to be Yevon’s gift to humanity. I desperately wished I could go back to that time. Personal growth wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I hated myself. Whoever said growth made you happier was full of shit. I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment and scowled. “Mind to tell me what you’re doin’ outside my place at ten pm?” 

The teenager wiggled her eyebrows and smirked as she rummaged around in her pocket. “I came to kick a little extra Gil your way. How much for your fattest Chocobo?” She pulled a wad of Gil and a bright red fire cracker into her hand and offered them to me. “I’ll even let you help me light it.” 

I raised an eyebrow and the Kinneas boy, whose name escaped me constantly, put both his hands to his face. He was awfully reserved to be the son of Selphie and Irvine. I’d have suspected shenanigans on Selphie’s part if he hadn’t looked so much like his father in the face. It creeped me out a little. “Do I even want to know what you want me to do with a--” 

“I am interested in knowing whether or not a Chocobo becomes fried chicken when you shove a fire cracker in its asshole.” Lissa announced proudly. 

Kinneas blushed even brighter and I doubled over with more laughter than had poured out of me in ten years. Vivienne was a lot of fun, she was my daughter, but she was good natured and wholesome to the bone. I hadn’t heard anything like that in Yevon only knew when. “Y’know who you remind me of? Raijin. That’s something that stupid fucker would have said.” I wiped a tear from my eyes and wheezed a little at the shit eating smile on the girl's face. She looked so proud of herself. It made me miss Rai something awful. I needed to call him. 

“Does that mean you’ll let me--” 

“Hahahaha, no.” I ruffled Lissa’s curls and shook my head. “Listen kiddo, I admire your reckless abandon, I do. But I spent a lot of Gil on these Chocobos. They’re for breeding, not for eating. What are you really doing here? Be real with me. There’s gotta be a reason you suddenly decided to shove an explosive in a giant rotisserie chicken. What, is life with Squall really that boring?” 

Lissa rolled her eyes. “More like it’s too exciting. C’mon Seifer, we just wanted to have fun! Good normal fun, without all the dying and the tears.” 

Kinneas nodded and offered me a small smile. It was warm and gooey and I kind of wanted to knock his teeth out. Lissa’s words had been a jab at Squall’s way of life, not a lament over the loss of her parents, but the boy didn’t seem to understand his own girlfriend very well. “I wanted to take her on an adventure, to take her mind off everything. It’s been a difficult couple of months.” 

I almost hit the ground on instinct on his behalf. There was no way she wasn’t going to clobber him for that, she was too much like me. Lissa’s face turned scarlet and she recoiled from her boyfriend’s side like he’d spat in her eye. “I’M NOT HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME!” The kid flinched and I felt mildly guilty as I draped an arm around the girl’s shoulder. 

“Easy now. He didn’t mean it bad. Tell ya what, you want some actual chicken? It’s late. Grab a bite in the kitchen and sleep in the guest room.” 

Irvine’s pussy son was staring at his scuffed Chucks like he was about to cry and I rolled my eyes before he even opened his mouth. “What if my mom starts to worry that I--” 

I leaned forward a little and flicked the kid on the tip of his nose. “Dude, I literally just offered you free food and a good fuck in the guest room. Be a man and take it me up on it.” Both teens flushed crimson and I sighed. “Come on, don’t be lame asses. Inside. Now.” 

I held the screen door open for both of them and ushered them inside before I grabbed a cold beer from the fridge and ambled to the back bedroom to check on Vivienne. “There’s wings and tater tots in the fridge. Take ya a couple of beers too. Or...better yet, there is liquor in the freezer if you want to make some jello shots.” 

I peeked in on my daughter, who was sleeping soundly sprawled out in the middle of my bed. She had wrapped the entirety of my sheets and comforter around her body like a burrito and I chuckled to myself. I guessed I was sleeping on the bare mattress. I chuckled. _I love you so much, my little love._ I was happy she was sleeping comfortably. 

“Hey Seifer, how...uh...how do you even make jello shots?” Lissa called from the kitchen with a mouth full of what I assumed was chicken. I pinched the bridge of my nose. These kids were _both_ helpless. 

“Shit,” I laughed and bent over to press a kiss to the tip of my daughter’s nose. “I’m coming...but you better not go drinkin’ it all without me.” I wasn’t really looking to get drunk with a bunch of kids on a Saturday night but...hell. This was more fun than I had had in a good while. I never got any company. Maybe I’d invite good old Loire over a little more often. 


	97. Chapter 97

Lissa Loire knew how to get down. I wasn’t too impressed with her lightweight boyfriend, but ‘lady Squall’ could have earned a championship medal in competitive drinking if she played her cards right. Kinneas had his head shoved in a trashcan and Lissa and I were on the last two jello shots when I grinned at her from across the kitchen table. “Y’know what kid,” I slurred. “You’re alright.”

The teenager looked pleased with herself and she collapsed onto the table dramatically as she reached her hands toward the ceiling. “I have to make my Momma proud. She was quite the drinker in her time.” Lissa hiccupped and alcohol practically came out of my nose as I howled with laughter. I had never been more thankful that Vivi was a heavy sleeper.

“M-Matron? There is no way. Never.”

“I’m for serious!” Lissa insisted. “She used to tell Daddy and me all kinds of wild stories.” Her tone was wistful and nostalgic, and it broke my heart. This kid still should have had her mother. Hell, we all should have. Matron was a mother to all of us.

I didn’t want the mood to sour. Sloppy drunk tears were no fun for anyone, and I winked at her as I reached to gently pat her on the cheek. “Man, forget about other people’s stories. You gotta make your own while you’re still young. Are you gonna blow that bird up or what?”

Lissa bolted upward with excitement and almost toppled off the table. “Huh? You said I couldn’t—”

I poked her in the center of her forehead and rolled my eyes, though the smirk curled at the edges of my lips only continued to grow. “Yeah I told ya you couldn’t, but are you a rule breaker or ain’t ya? Don’t be a chicken-wuss. Rule number one, kiddo, ask for forgiveness, not permission. Every time.”

I wasn’t anticipating the genuine happiness that radiated off her and I was caught off guard when she leaned her head on my shoulder. “Thanks for being so nice to me…old man.”

I snorted. “Black sheep gotta stick together, eh? Bring Noctis with you next time, lord knows he’s starved for attention, too.”

I didn’t know when it had become my job to mother Squall’s children, but I wasn’t mad about it. He and Julia could stay the hell away from me, but the rest of ‘em weren’t so bad. I was gonna offer the kid another beer when there was a knock on the door and I clumsily pulled my phone out of my pocket to squint at the time. Who the hell was knocking at midnight? This was more company than I usually got in a year. I grumbled to myself and forced my legs to stumble toward the doorjamb so I could grab hold of it and steady myself. “It’s open.” I barked.

The figure that appeared through the screen door stopped my heart completely and a hard lump suddenly formed in the back of my throat. Aera Ahn was standing in the doorway and her eyes were swollen and puffy with tears. It was instantly sobering, and I didn’t know what to do. I had run into the nurse several weeks ago, when Julia was first admitted to the hospital.

I didn’t hate Julia. I really didn’t. I resented that she was child I thought Rinoa should have given me instead of Squall. I would have been a better father. Julia wouldn’t be hurt if I was her father, I could have protected her from Soichiro. I knew what it was like to be forced to sleep with someone you didn’t want to, and more than that, I knew what it meant to be forced into parenthood and love the child anyway. I loved all seven of my babies, and I only got to keep one. My heart was heavy for her. I had gone to visit her at an hour I thought Squall wouldn’t be there, and that was when I met Aera.

Julia was in a medically induced coma at the time and dangerously close to losing her daughter. It reminded me too much of Elle, and I just wanted to be there to hold the girl’s hand for a little while. She was an extension of Rinoa, who I would love with my dying breath. I was talking to her at her bedside one evening, apologizing that I didn’t love her mother well enough in the beginning to keep her. Apologizing that I let Squall get in the way. Aera had come in to take the girl’s vitals and I was completely outdone and embarrassed.

Julia’s situation was triggering, and I had been crying. It wasn’t exactly attractive or something I wanted a pretty lady to catch sight of. I half expected her to call me what I was, a coward, but she offered me the gentlest smile I had ever seen. It was utterly disarming. “You’re her fifth visitor today. I see miss Julia is a very loved young lady. It’s so nice to see. There are so many patients that don’t get visitors at all.”

I snorted and wiped at my eyes. “Yeah. That would be me if I was stuck on a machine. No one gives a shit about those of us who don’t fit in a nice neat little box, eh?”

I was just talking to talk, I hadn’t really expected a response, but the nurse was more than just a pretty face. She sat down on the edge of Julia’s bed and hummed. “Sounds like something is on your mind. I’m about to take my break, if you need an ear.” She offered.

An ear? What, was I that pitiful? I looked like I needed an ear? I snarled. “Why would anyone want to sit and talk to a murderer, huh? That’s why this entire god forsaken town avoids me, isn’t it?”

Aera’s happy-go-lucky smile never once waivered and she shook her head at me. “I know who you are and what you did, Seifer Almasy. I don’t think you’re a murderer. A lot of innocent Estharian’s lost their lives when you launched that missile strike, that’s correct. But I also know that you saved thousands of Sorceresses that day, too. That means something to me.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “You a witch or something?” She flinched a little at the slur and I swore at myself. My own child was a Sorceress, I didn’t really know why I’d said that. Being in a bad mood wasn’t an excuse. I had to be and do better for Vivi.

“No,” Aera whispered softly. “But my daughter was.”

My mouth went dry suddenly and I dropped my gaze to my hands. “…was?”

She nodded solemnly. “Was.”

Aera had confided in me that she gave birth to a beautiful little girl when she was about sixteen years old. The dad skipped town on her, and she had been raising her alone when the Timberian liberation started. The child had power transferred to her and the Orderless had had her killed. I told her about my own experience with the Orderless and about all the children I had lost before Vivienne, including her twin brother. The rest was history. I didn’t want to call our relationship a trauma bond, but I guessed in a sense that’s exactly what it was.

Nurse Ahn and I had fooled around a handful of times, and we had just come around to the idea of telling Vivienne that we wanted to be in a more serious relationship. That didn’t give her permission, however, to show up unannounced in the middle of the night. She knew that. My stomach was tight, and I worried that she was in some kind of trouble. She reminded me of both Ellone and Rinoa in equal measure, and I was determined not to screw it up this time. “Lissa, I need you and Jacob to hole up in the spare bedroom, okay? I need to make sure she’s okay.”

Lissa blinked at me slowly. “But, who even is she—”

“Please.” We shared an intense gaze for a moment before the drunk teenager nodded and let out a small sigh. She collected her green and woozy boyfriend and I nervously pulled the screen back to let Aera inside.

She looked about as sick as Kinneas and I immediately jerked a chair from the kitchen table and offered it out to her. Aera sat down but she crunched her nose up at me as her hazel eyes scanned our filthy surroundings. The kids and I might have overdone it, just a little. My kitchen was destroyed. “Were those…kids you were drinking with?”

I swallowed. “I uh…yes.” I admitted. I tried to hide my shame, but it was kind of moot at this point. “They’re seventeen,” I interjected quickly. “Almost eighteen, or at least Lissa is. She’s…hit kind of a rough patch. Murdered parents and all. I was just trying to cheer her up.”

“By giving her alcohol…underage…” Aera’s tone was flat and mildly accusatory and I bit back the anger that bubbled in my chest. Since when was she judgmental? Clearly I had missed something. She was in some kind of distress. I wanted to make her feel better too, if I could.

“Hey, no reason to take whatever is going on out on me. You knew who I was when we decided…that we could maybe…uhm…” When we decided that we could love each other.

Aera was quiet for several beats and it made me nervous. She was still wearing her scrubs and there were dark circles under her lovely eyes. She looked exhausted and a protective rage simmered in the pit of my stomach. That bastard Zabac overworked her all the goddamn time. I kept telling her he couldn’t legally force her to work doubles. “Seifer I…I’m sorry, I just…”

“You know you can tell me anything.” I still had a few of those frozen margarita’s in the freezer that she liked so much, and I started to fish for them when her voice waivered and cracked from behind me.

“I c-can’t drink that—”

I started to laugh. “Oh, come on, you love the strawberry—”

“Seifer.” The way she spat my name was harsh for a moment and my smile fell as I turned around to look at her. It almost felt like she was breaking up with me, but her face softened up a little as she looked me in my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

The entire center of my gravity shifted, and I stared at her like a deer in headlights. No. We had promised one another that we didn’t want any children together if things got serious. We both had lost too much already, it was too scary to get attached to yet another child that wasn’t likely to make it into this god-awful world. We had been so careful. She was on birth control and we used condoms constantly. “A-Aera I…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Aera looked relieved, almost like she’d been frightened that I’d be angry with her. I wasn’t angry. I was heartbroken. There were so many things that could go wrong. “I know we said…what we said…but I…I don’t know if I can make m-myself get rid of it.”

Get rid of it? That wasn’t what I wanted at all and panic shot through my middle like she’d plunged a knife deep inside of me. I fell to my knees in front of her and gingerly placed a trembling hand on her midsection. “How far along?” I whispered.

“Ten weeks…”

That meant we’d conceived the first or second time we had made love. She’d been pregnant all this time and I—how many times had I gotten her drunk since then? “Are they okay?” I blurted. I felt like I couldn’t breathe all of sudden, like I was about to be sick. “Is our baby o-okay, did I h-hurt them—”

Aera’s lips cut me off abruptly and her tongue coiled around my own like it belonged to my body. She threaded her fingers through my hair and I scooped up against the plush of my body. “He’s fine. He’s just fine, I had a lot of tests done.” It was a boy? All of my sons had died horrible violent deaths at the hands of Adel. They hadn’t lived longer than two minutes outside of their mother, save for Ventus. I burst into tears and buried my face against the slight swell of her belly. I was going to protect them both with my life. I couldn’t lose another child. I wouldn’t. I wanted to keep him.


	98. Chapter 98

*Noctis’s POV*

There was a common misconception in our family that my life had been the easiest of all the Leonhart children thus far. I had been born after the war, I’d never known my father as a SeeD, both my parents were always around and involved in my life. In many ways I was blessed, but my life wasn’t as perfect as Tatsuki made it out to be. My parents loved me too much to say it to my face, but I knew I had been born with some kind of a learning disorder. My intelligence was below average, I behaved a little strangely, my father was the only reason I hadn’t flunked out of school all together, etc.

The learning curve, however, as difficult to navigate as it was, wasn’t what made me miserable. I was miserable because Yevon had given me the most perfect soulmate the heavens could ever have crafted and then allowed her to suffer. Garnet had been sick her entire life and I had been on the cusp of losing her more times than I cared to remember. This time, however, was different than the rest. This time Garnet was dying and it was because of me. I hadn’t been careful with my own body and now…now my reason for living would disappear before my eyes.

Per Leonhart tradition, it seemed like, we were having a little girl. It was always girls in our family. I didn’t mind it, though. All I wanted was for Zeltennia Leonhart to be alive and healthy and for her mother to be by our side. It didn’t look like that was going to happen. Garnet was only three months pregnant and both of their bodies were losing their fight with Lupus rapidly. Zell didn’t know yet that we were naming our baby after him, but I guessed now was as good a time as any as I flew back to my home as fast as my skinny legs would allow.

The text he had sent had all but destroyed me. I had been pushing Nettie to reconnect with her parents, especially as her health continued to decline. I was happy that she had listened to me, I knew that she missed them, she was just being stubborn because she thought they didn’t understand. I was glad they were there with her now, while I’d been attempting to tend to my sister. I pulled my phone from my pocket and glanced back over the message as I struggled to come to grips with what I knew it meant. ‘It’s time.’

It was time for Garnet and Zeltennia to leave me. It was time for my life to be over. I had to go with them, just like I promised. Garnet and I had made a suicide pact when we were no older than eight years old, and I intended to keep it. We were born around the same time. We came into this world together and we would leave it together. The first thing I wanted to do when I got to heaven was hold my baby. I wanted to live out my afterlife as my bean’s father. I wouldn’t get to in this life.

Tears were streaming steadily down my face as I took our porch steps two at a time and tore inside the house like a tornado. “Nettie!” I screamed. “N-Nettie!” Our room was thankfully one of the only ones on the first floor of our house and I all but kicked my own bedroom door down to get to my wife’s bedside. Garnet was propped up into a sitting position, but her scarlet eyes were lidded and half-aware as she moaned my name. Zell and Quistis were on either side of her holding her hands and Zell’s face was swollen three times it’s size from the heavy sobs that plagued him.

“S-She’s been begging for you.” Quistis whispered. She wouldn’t look at me, but I knew she knew I was standing in the doorway. “I don’t t-think she can go without seeing your face. She always loved you.”

I spoke her name again, softer this time, and she perked up just a little. One hand was cradling her belly and she tried her hardest to smile. “N-Nocty…p-please don’t be m-mad. I wanted Zeltennia to live s-so badly.”

Zell heard the baby’s name and it was more than he was capable of handling. He tore away from her bedside and placed his face in his hands as a deep moan of pure grief exploded from his chest. We had planned to name the baby after him from the beginning, boy or girl. Garnet loved her father more than anything in the world. I reached for the hand that Zell let go of and brought it to my lips to kiss. “Garnet Leonhart I could never be angry with you, never. Don’t talk like that, you and little Zellie are going to be just fine.”

“You…need to b-be prepared for what will happen…if we’re not. P-Promise me…” Garnet was wheezing, and I shushed her gently as I petted her sweaty blonde curls away from her face. I wasn’t sure what she expected me to promise. She knew I couldn’t. I refused to live without her. I had a baggie full of prescription drugs under my mattress that I’d stolen from my grandfather’s house before Dad put it on the market. They were ready and waiting for me, for this exact occasion.

I opened my mouth to tell her how much I loved her, but I jumped out of my skin at the sudden presence of another person lingering at the foot of her bed. I could hear sirens blaring in the distance and I turned hopeful eyes toward the new house guest. It was Ma Dincht. “No one is dying today, young lady. I don’t care how tired you think you are, I called an ambulance anyway.”

Quistis frowned. “Ma, Garnet said she was ready. We’re trying to respect her—”

“Are you respecting Zeltennia too?” Ma snapped. “She needs an organ transplant and you’re just going to let her—”

“NONE OF US ARE A MATCH, MA!” I had never in my life heard Zell Dincht raise his voice at his mother. He was mentally and emotionally broken, and his body was trembling as he struggled to gasp for air. “She’s been on a donor list for over a year, it’s miles long! We’re out of time, and my own goddamn organs are no good, you don’t think I’ve tried? She has AB blood, Ma, I don’t, and neither does Quistis!”

I half expected Ma Dincht to flinch at the very least, but she remained stoic. Her chin was held high in the air and she narrowed her eyes at her son as she folded her arms across her chest. Hope pricked my heart a little and I decided to interject before Zell’s mother had the chance to blow her top. “Hey…that’s my dad’s blood type! Maybe he can…he can save her!”

Ma put her hand on my shoulder and shook her head sadly. “No, my boy. Nettie needs more than one kidney at this point. You’d be asking your father to live the rest of his days on dialysis.” She chuckled to herself suddenly, but I couldn’t tell what was funny. “Looks like I’ll be giving you all my love for real this time.” That was directed at Zell and he shot her a look.

“What are you  talkin ’ about Ma? You’re over sixty years--”

“I’m dying, baby.” Zell’s face went completely slack and every ounce of color drained from his face. “I’m...already dying. There is no reason why I shouldn’t give my grandbaby and my great grandbaby a chance for many more years than I have left. I. ..don’t even have one, son. Six months at the most.” 

“Your migraines...”  Quistis bleated softly. 

Ma nodded. “Brain aneurism, love. It’s already burst, they didn’t catch it quick enough. Your Pa and I have talked about it, and I’ve already spoken with Nettie’s nephrologist. You’re right. It’s me that is out of time, not my sweet granddaughter. This has to happen today.” 

Zell and  Quistis didn’t know how to react. I could see the intense despair that made its bed behind their eyes. How could anyone  have adequately responded to something like that? How did anyone choose between their mother and their daughter? It wasn’t fair. It certainly wasn’t a decision that I could have made, but Ma seemed to have made the choice  _ for  _ her son. The paramedics were already banging on the door and Nettie shook her head wildly. “Y-You can’t...Grandma...”

“I can and I will.” Ma insisted sharply. “Baby, you love this baby  growin ’ inside of you, don’t you? That’s why you won’t have an abortion?”

Nettie nodded and my heart leapt into my throat.  Zeltennia was an incredibly loved child on both our ends. The day I found out I was going to be a father was the best of my life. “I want to be her mommy with all that I am.” Garnet’s voice sounded so drained and the wheeze came back with a  vengeance . My stomach was coiled as tight as it would go and I grabbed for her fingers once more. 

“Then that’s all I need to hear.”

Quistis seemed to make up her mind before her husband and bolted for the door to let the paramedics in. I could hear the thick snot in the back of Zell’s throat choke him as he let out a  high-pitched wail. “W-Why didn’t you tell me, Ma? How long were you  gonna hide that?” 

Ma’s smile was bittersweet and she cupped her son’s cheek as a whole team of medical professionals suddenly swarmed us. “Because I love you, son. I love you and I love your kids and the woman you built your life with. I didn’t want any of you to worry your pretty heads about me.”

“B-But Pa,” He croaked. 

Ma pressed a tender kiss to the center of Zell’s forehead. “Your Pa is going to be just fine without me, love. He’s going to have a great grandbaby to spoil, and  Demyx is still so little, too. He’s got plenty to live for.”

I felt like I needed to leave. It wasn’t my place to witness such a moment between mother and son, I was barely their extended family. What mattered was being there for my wife and I clamored to chase after Garnet’s stretcher. She wasn’t going to have surgery without me by her side. My wife and child were the only things that kept me alive, and I needed to know they weren’t afraid. I needed to be there to keep them safe and make them feel secure. I needed to be to Garnet what my father was to my mother. That was all I had ever wanted. My parent’s marriage was perfect. “Don’t you worry, Nettie.” I whispered. “You’re not going to die. We’ll be holding Zellie soon, just a few months from now. I promise.”

I kissed her forehead as the paramedics slammed the door of the ambulance closed and she used the last ounce of strength she had left to reach for me. “Noctis...my  Noct ... iss ...” Garnet’s beautiful red eyes rolled into the back of her skull and her body went limp. The nurses reacted faster than I could process and the next thing I knew they were forcing an oxygen mask on her face. 

“W-What is happening?!” The buzz of frantic murmurs and medical jargon did nothing to soothe the panic swelling in my middle and I gripped my wife harder as the words “intubate” and “she’s coding” rattled around in my skull. “N-Nettie...baby...Nettie? Garnet!”


	99. Chapter 99

*Rinoa’s POV*

The twins were more than worth the effort, but my husband was about to lose his mind. There was so much anger inside of him. It had been brewing for six long excruciating months and it was all coming to a head. He was lashing out at Tatsuki and I knew he was trying his absolute hardest not to do the same to me as I attempted to be helpful along the little journey we had embarked on.

I was trying to help him navigate the Obel lake region and my eternal sense of optimism was rubbing him wrong. I was fortunate he loved me enough to hold his tongue ninety percent of the time, but I was pushing my luck as I jammed a bony finger into his ribcage. “Would you slow down? I’m stuffed to the hilt with your daughter, you’re making me have to pee.” I teased as I clamored to keep up with him.

“You’re three months pregnant,” Squall snapped. “The baby is the size of an orange.”

Squall was usually very good about doting on me when I was with child, but he had been in an odd headspace ever since we had left the hospital. I thought the ultimatum Aera had given us was probably weighing down his heart. We didn’t have very long to save our grandchildren, and the task at hand seemed impossible. “The size of an orange, yes, and zapping me of all my energy and normal bodily function, but it’s fine.” I muttered back. “You carry it next time.”

Squall jammed his boot angrily into the side of a nearby boulder and a frightened monkey shot out from behind it to bolt into the beautiful forest landscape that sprawled out before us. The monkey threw a small rock at Squall’s head as it scurried off and the laundry list of expletives that poured from his mouth were almost humorous. He’d already spent the morning screaming at the shop owner we had bought this month’s issue of Occult Fan from. We needed it to know what general location we should be scouring for the Pupu, and he’d eviscerated the poor girl for looking at him the wrong way. “I give up. It’s not worth it. Julia will be alright without them, I’ll make sure of it.”

That pissed me off. I could put up with a lot of Squall’s shit, but that wasn’t something that was going to fly with me. “Excuse you? Would you be okay if we suddenly lost Julia? Huh? Would you have been okay if our first child was born too early to survive? What is wrong with you?! God, you’ve been so hot and cold lately. It’s like you can’t decide if you love them or not. You don’t get to be wishy-washy with your love, Squall. Either you want to be their grandfather, or you don’t. But let’s get one thing clear, if you decide that you don’t, and Julia wants nothing to do with you anymore, I’m taking her side, not yours.”

I could feel my face turning bright red and I knew my blood pressure was too high. I felt faint and I fanned at my face for a moment as I struggled to catch my breath. This little bean was trying to kill me in there. Squall reached out to put his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged him off harshly as I lost my footing. My ankle twisted and I fell on my backside with a thud that made me self-conscious about the weight I’d been steadily gaining ever since Julia was born. Tears sprung to my eyes, hot and angry, and I could almost hear the gears in my husband’s head backpedaling as he lingered by my side.

“Rinoa I’m—I’m s-sorry—”

“Oh, you’re sorry. That’s just great. Tell that to my ankle. Asshole.” My entire foot was throbbing, and it was already swelling up to twice its size. I was swollen enough as it was thanks to the pregnancy, and now I was going to look like a balloon. Squall tried to help me up but my feelings were hurt and I folded my arms across my chest as I refused to take his hand. I couldn’t look at him and I sniffled as a small sob broke loose from my chest. He wasn’t the only one who had been having a hard time, but his feelings seemed to be the only ones who mattered. He wondered where Julia got it from, as if it wasn’t blatantly obvious.

“Rinoa—” Squall’s voice was soft as butter, but I sneered at him anyway.

“Don’t talk to me.”

Squall knelt in the grass and forced me to look at him. His steel blue eyes were wet, but I couldn’t for the life of me understand why. He was the one who had all but wished our grandchildren dead. I didn’t like the idea of having a grandson born of an act of hate, it was scary for me, but that did _not_ mean I was ready for the child to be born still. He was part of my little girl. He was part of _me_ and of Squall. Julia loved him. I had said some things to my daughter that I regretted, but nothing that cold had ever touched my heart. Squall needed to sort himself out before he came within sneezing distance of my grandbabies. He reached for my fingers and sighed. “Rinoa—” He repeated.

“I SAID DON’T TALK TO ME!”

I flicked a little shield around my body, and he was knocked backward the moment he attempted to grab hold of my hand. It was his turn to fall on his back end and he growled at me as he swung his arm out to the side. “FINE! I won’t tell you you’ve got a PuPu squatting on your head!” I looked up as best I could, as if I could see something nestled into my hair and I let out a small sigh as I reached for the weightless creature.

The PuPu, apparently, did not want to be touched and squealed as it fluttered down into the tall grass. Its squishy cyan body bounced as it attempted to run away, and I lunged for it as called for it’s UFO. Several cows were mooing and guarding the tiny space craft and I swore under my breath and I failed to grab the alien. It scurried beneath the row of cattle and I could feel Squall glaring daggers into my back. “Way to go. That’s just wonderful. You let our only chance at catching the damn thing slip through your fingers, but _I’m_ the bad guy here.”

“You know what, Squall? Screw you. I’ll catch it myself. Why don’t you go sulk back at the Garden? It’s all you’ve ever been good for.”

I stomped off after the flying saucer and its myriad of farm animals expecting to hear Squall storm off in the opposite direction, but he didn’t. I knew I had hurt his feelings, so I was surprised when he leapt into the air with the Cutting Trigger drawn. He hacked at several of the cow’s legs and a chorus of moo’s and groans littered the air as blood dripped onto the top of my head. “What do you call a flying cow?” Squall grunted suddenly.

I hissed and covered my hair with my hands as I continued to run beneath the PuPu. I didn’t respond, watching in mild horror as hunks of raw cow meat flew through the atmosphere and rained all along the Roshfall Forest. Squall smirked at the sound of his gunblade finally scraping metal and his response to his own question was smug. “A high steak situation.”

“Oh, you’re such a dad.” I barked with a roll of my eyes.

By the time my husbands’ boots were back on solid ground there was a good chunk missing out of the UFO and I made quick work of finishing it off. I cast Break on the space ship and it immediately fell out of the sky with an enormous fwop. I was half afraid it would shatter, but it remained in tact well enough. “It’s a good thing I came prepared since I’m such a _dad_.” Squall mocked as he fished some Soft from his satchel.

I folded my arms across my belly and tears pricked at my eyes again. I hated the wide range of emotional bursts that came with pregnancy and I couldn’t look at Squall as he slowly chipped away at the ship to release the PuPu inside. “I’m s-sorry, I just…I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Who said you did?” Squall snapped tersely. “Kind of have to have feelings for them to be hurt. But I’m cold, remember?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and turned my back to him completely. Was this how things were going to be from now on? If it was, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to be married anymore. Something had to give. Squall and I were supposed to be renewing our vows. Instead we had spent the last six months running in traumatized circles and beating each other up over it. Squall was the love of my life. I was tired of watching him hurt. I just wanted things to go back to normal. I must have been crying pretty loudly because I could hear the guilty sigh my husband blew from his nose. “Rinoa—”

“No, d-don’t apologize. I’m a b-bitch. You’ve been through so much, and I haven’t given you the time to—”

“Now I’ll have none of that.” Squall’s voice had gone soft again and he took a break from what he was doing to walk slowly toward me. I felt him wrap his muscular arms around me and that pointy chin Noctis and Yuna had inherited dug into my shoulder. “You’re not a bitch, Noa. You’ve been through just as much as I have, and I…I’ve been taking it out on everyone. You have a right to be angry with me.”

I shook my head. “N-No. You’re such a good husband and a good father. I didn’t mean what I said, that wasn’t fair. You do everything for us, and I threw it back in your face.”

Squall pressed a small kiss to the crook of my neck as he worked his fingers deep into the tissue in my back. “Shhh. That’s not even close to true. You’re the one who holds our family together, not me.”

“I l-love you.” I bleated, turning around in his arms to press a snotty kiss to his lips. He chuckled at how gross it was, but he kissed me back with just as much fervor. There was a loud crack from behind us and Squall’s body shook with laughter as he continued to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

“I love you too, babe. And apparently I’m not the only one.”

Squall was grinning from ear to ear and I knew what he was laughing at before he said a word. “The PuPu is back on my head, isn’t it?” I didn’t know if it was because it could actually see Squall coming or what, but it allowed him to pluck it off my scalp and into his arms.

My husband rummaged around in his pockets for a moment before pulling out a large elixir in a shiny bottle. “You want it?” The PuPu squealed again and nuzzled its bright blue face up under Squall’s chin. “You’ll have to pay me for it. I need Shine Fruit. As much as you can give me.”

The creature fluttered from Squall’s arms and waddled to what was left of his space craft before two large ripe orange plants materialized within its small hands. I had never seen Shine Fruit before, but I could see why it was called that. A vibrant yellow glow softly emanated from the leaves around the plant and I hypothesized those were the herbs Aera had been talking about.

“Thank you so much.” I whispered as the PuPu hugged its new elixir happily to its chest. “You’ve saved our entire family.”


	100. Chapter 100

*Julia’s POV*

Tatsuki had been curled up in the bed with me since my parents left and I had my hospital gown pulled up over my belly. The contractions had stopped for the moment and Tatsuki’s eyes were wide with wonder as my stomach visibly jerked a little from the force of Trinity’s kicks. Unlike her brother, she was a strong little kick boxer in there, and I was very proud of her progress and growth. If I could just keep Tadashi in a little longer. If I could just get him to the level of growth his twin was displaying, then they could come, and everything would be alright. We would be a little family. But only if. I wasn’t leaving this hospital without my son unless I left in a body bag.

Warm strong hands cradled my abdomen and both babies were in love with the pressure their father was applying to their little feet. Nurse Ahn was coming in to check on us every few minutes and I was praying with everything I was that Mom and Dad were safe and having good luck with their quest for Shine Fruit. I couldn’t lose the twins. I couldn’t. They were everything to me. “They really love you, Tatsuki. Already.”

My husband looked so proud and I had never been surer that he was the right choice. He was going to be the greatest dad these babies could ever have had. He smiled. “I love them, too. I don’t want you to worry about anything while you’re in this bed, okay? I’m going to get everything ready. I’ll paint the nursery, I’ll buy the cradles and the clothes and all the diapers we can afford. Bottles, blankies, breast pump, you name it. By the time you’re back in our bed, everything will be ready for our twins. I promise.”

My mother’s momentary death had flipped a switch inside of us both. We knew we’d been behaving childishly. It was time we spent whatever time we have left before the babies arrived making sure they would have what they needed. We were running out of time, possibly by the end of the week if something didn’t change. “I should be the one nesting,” I admitted softly. “You’ve already spent so much Gil on—”

“Julia,” Tatsuki scolded. “You’re my wife. This isn’t my Gil anymore, this is _our_ Gil. You have to rest in order to keep our children in as long as you can. Let me worry about the rest. You just stay healthy.”

I snickered a little as he peppered my ever-expanding stomach with tender kisses, and I ran my fingers through his jet-black hair. Nurse Ahn was standing in the doorway and she shook her head at us as she spoke. “Daddy knows best. He’s right. You’re gonna need to stay off your feet for the remainder of your pregnancy, even with the Shine Fruit stopping your labor.”

I hated the sound of permanent bedrest, but the alternative wasn’t an option. I scrunched up my nose. “Even if I make it to term?”

Nurse Ahn chuckled. “You’re an optimist, I like that. But making it to term with twins is highly unlikely as it is, and you don’t have a healthy pregnancy. If I had to guess, these babies will come at about thirty-five weeks if we can really milk it.” What did she mean I didn’t have a healthy pregnancy? I was taking all my vitamins and my babies had strong heartbeats. I wasn’t diabetic, I didn’t have preeclampsia, I was young. I could feel my throat start to close up a little and Nurse Ahn back pedaled as she sensed the terror that suddenly gripped me. “W-What I meant was,” She said quickly. “You’re experiencing preterm labor, and you’re…a rape victim. It makes the pregnancy complicated.”

I didn’t understand what having been raped had to do with anything and I frowned. “Ethically complicated?” My tone was bitter, and the older woman sighed. I was getting sick and tired of people acting like my children didn’t have the right to live. It was smeared all over the papers, like the media thought they were a joke.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, love.” Nurse Ahn sighed. “Physically complicated. You’re scarred down there, sweetheart. It might make it hard for you to push—”

“I’ll push them out fine. I’m not having a C-Section.” I snapped. I wasn’t trying to be mean to the nurse, after all, she was trying her hardest to save my children. I just…the subject was sensitive, and I felt backed into a corner. “I’m s-sorry, I just…I’m scared…”

Nurse Ahn’s expression was already warm but somehow softened further as she walked forward to place a firm hand on my shoulder. Tatsuki was shushing me and ebbed the tears from my cheek with the back of his hand as she spoke. “I know you are. I know. You have every right to be. But hey, your father will be back any moment, and we’re—”

As if on cue my parents burst through the door looking mildly worse for wear than when they’d left. Mom was covered in blood and both of them smelled rancid. A permanent scowl was etched into my father’s face and he all but threw the glowing orange fruit in his hands at the nurse. Nurse Ahn was more gracious than any of us deserved and she brightened with excitement as she hurriedly peeled the leaves from the fruit. A bitter smell permeated the room and Dad crossed his arms over his chest with a grunt. “This better work.” 

“My mother was a midwife for many long grueling years, and she never once lost a baby. Never. I learned everything I know from her. It’ll work.” Nurse Ahn insisted. There was a twinge of sadness in her voice as she spoke of her mother and I wanted to ask, but she was busy stuffing the herbs in a special autoclave for sterilization when another nurse I didn’t recognize came tumbling through the doorway. 

Soft stick-straight strawberry blonde hair was pinned back into a neat bun, but the nurse appeared disheveled as she struggled to catch her breath. “M-Mr. And Mrs. Leonhart, I n-need you to come to the OR straight away!” My parents exchanged a confused glance but the woman shook her head wildly. She gripped both my mother’s hands with a force that frightened me. “It’s the o-other Mrs. Leonhart, she’s—”

“Garnet.” Both my parents whispered her name at the same time and Mom wasted no time bolting down the hallway. “You go with my wife, I’ll follow in just a moment.” Dad demanded urgently. The nurse nodded and flew from my room to guide my mother to what was likely Nettie’s bedside. Fear shot down my legs and I prayed with everything I was that she was okay. She hadn’t looked well when Tatsuki and I had sat with her earlier. She had looked like a porcelain doll in my brother’s sheets, still and fragile. Her scarlet eyes were sunken in and dull, but she’d held my hand so tightly I had convinced myself she was recovering.

I was a horrible person. None of my parent’s attention should have been on me, babies or no babies. Garnet and Noctis needed them. “No, Daddy, you go. Noctis needs you a lot more than I do right now.”

Dad scoffed. “I know that, Julie, but thanks for the permission.” I flinched a little, but I turned my face away from him and toward the window. I didn’t want him to see the tears. I was tired of my father feeling guilty over every little thing. I was the problem. That was just something I was going to have to accept, and maybe it was time for Tatsuki and I to move out after all. All I ever did was bring my father down with my own selfishness. I heard the leather of his jacket squeak as he jammed a finger in Tatsuki’s face. “You have orders starting now. I want you in Trabia by sundown.”

All the hairs in my body stood on end at once and I whipped my head around to face him once more. “W-What? No! You can’t—”

“He’s a SeeD, Julia. You’re lucky I haven’t sent him on a field mission in over six months. It’s time.” There was a hard authoritative edge to my father’s voice and he didn’t look at me as he spoke. I knew he couldn’t. This was all a show, an act. If he dared to look at me he would soften and crumble. I was one of the only people alive who had the ability to make Squall Leonhart lose his nerve. “The file on my desk in my office has all the details. Gather your things and head back to the Garden. Now. I have to go see to Noctis.”

Tatsuki started crying immediately and he buried his fingers into my hair before he pressed his face against the swell of my belly. He didn’t want to leave us like this. It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t my dad being Headmaster this was my dad attempting to be judge, jury, and executioner. This was a punishment. “P-Please don’t come while I’m gone.” He begged. “Please be good for your E-Eomma.”

I bit the inside of my cheek hard and the familiar taste of copper filled my mouth as I struggled to find my voice. “I’ve never once hated you in my life, before now.” I muttered.

Dad finally forced himself to look at me and raw heartbreak was buried in his eyes. I wanted to feel guilty, but I meant what I said. There was nothing inside of me but bitter disappointment. He knew how much I needed Tatsuki in the moment. There was no reason he couldn’t have waited until I was at least back at home with a clean bill of health. Dad was trying to hurt Tatsuki on purpose and I wasn’t having it. “J-Jules…Juli-B—”

“Daddy I love you. You’ve been the best father I could have ever asked for, and I know I’m a difficult child and I’m spoiled and I’m selfish and I’m sorry—I’m sorry for all of that. But I can’t even look at you right now, and I need you to leave. Just go.”

I heard my father’s chest heave with what could have only been a weep, but he said nothing else as he slipped from the room to go assist my brother with whatever was ailing my sister-in-law. Tatsuki’s body was trembling around my own as he pressed his nose to the middle of my popped-out bellybutton. “I can’t do this. I quit. I don’t want to be a SeeD anymore, not if it m-means leaving you like this.”

I shook my head no and very tenderly pressed a kiss to my husbands’ hairline. “Don’t talk like that, T. You’re not going to throw your career away for me. I’ve ruined enough people’s lives, I won’t add you to the list.”

“Y-You’ve never—”

I shushed him again and forced him to look at me. “Tatsuki, it’s okay. You go on your mission. You prove to my dad that you’re ten times the man he’s acting like right now and then you come home to me in one piece, you hear?”

My voice waivered a little and Tatsuki couldn’t stand it. His golden complexion had gone red with emotion and his fists clenched into tight balls. “I hope I run into the piece of shit that hurt you. I promise you, right here and now, that I’m bring you back his head. I know he’s hiding out there somewhere. You just focus on keeping our twins inside, okay? And I’ll write you every single day.”

My heart ached in my chest and both of my children seemed to nuzzle me from the inside. I was so lucky to have them with me. They were my angels. “Come back to me.” I repeated. “Promise.”

Tatsuki bent to capture my lips and his tongue rolled against mine for what would be the final time for several painful weeks. “I love you. You have my word.” 


	101. Chapter 101

*Seifer’s POV*

I let Aera sleep over at my place that night, despite my better judgement. I was afraid Vivienne would be upset with me, but I wasn’t sending my girlfriend home alone past midnight. I had curled up with my daughter in my bed and allowed Aera to sleep in Vivi’s room. That would just have to be okay. Thankfully Lissa and Jacob snuck away sometime in the early hours of the morning, so that removed one awkward component to the already strange day ahead of me.

By the time Vivienne and I woke there was breakfast cooking on the stove and the child rolled onto her side to stare me down. Her long blonde hair was tangled around her sweet, heart shaped face, and I chuckled as I lovingly flicked the tip of her nose. “Daddy…did you order a hooker?”

I could feel heat rush to my face, and I shushed my child, though I knew the point was moot. She hadn’t been quiet about it, and I could hear Aera laughing from the kitchen. This was going to be a day. “Vivi, baby, that’s rude. One of Daddy’s friends needed help last night, so I said she could stay the night.” Vivienne was an innocent and good-natured kid, but I hadn’t done the best job of being her dad. I’d raised her around some things I shouldn’t have, and it wasn’t really her fault that she’d made an assumption about my new company.

“Do you like her?” Vivienne asked in a sing-song voice. She wiggled her blonde eyebrows at me, and I groaned as I rolled my eyes. I more than liked her. How was I supposed to tell that to my seventeen-year-old? She’d never seen me in a serious relationship before. I must have blushed because my daughter squealed before rolling to her feet. “You do! I have to meet her, then!”

I didn’t rush to stop her, not that I could have if I’d wanted to. Ugh. I needed to lose weight. I didn’t dare say so out loud, though. The last thing I needed was for Vivienne to pick up my habit of being self-critical. She deserved to believe her body was perfect the way it was, because it was true. My baby girl was a miracle, and every inch of her was a blessing. I smiled to myself as I forced myself from the mattress and ambled lazily into the large kitchen.

Our kitchen was probably the largest room in the house, and we had a bulky oval dining table in the middle of the floor that was far too large for a family of two. I was hoping we would be expanding to a family of four, if I could convince Aera to stay. I swallowed hard at the thought and sighed as I watched my lanky daughter babble excitedly to the woman I was growing to love.

Vivienne was grilling Aera about her alleged feelings for me while the nurse was busy frying what looked to be bacon. I started to scold my daughter, but I didn’t have the heart to. There was something buried in her sea green eyes that I couldn’t bring myself to destroy. She was looking up at Aera like she was something to admire, and I wondered for a moment if she saw her as potential mother material. Vivienne had never had one.

“Okay, so you like him, but how much do you like him? Do you think Daddy is handsome? He’s the handsomest, isn’t he? Say you think so!” That unnamed emotion written in her eyes shone clear as day in her voice and I recognized it immediately as hope. Maybe she wanted a mother after all.

Aera was sweet about it and her laughter filled the entire kitchen with warmth. “I needed this after the day I had with the Leonhart’s at he hospital yesterday. You’re a breath of fresh air.” She took one hand off the pan she was cooking with and cupped the side of my daughter’s face. “I think your Daddy is a very special man. I like him a lot. And you know…he made a very special little girl, too.” I liked the way she spoke to my child. I liked the tone her voice took. It reminded me a lot of Matron. I smiled again.

Vivienne grinned with her whole body and she giggled to herself for a moment before turning and winking at me. “She passes the test, Dad. You may proceed.”

I snorted and Aera laughed again as she drained the grease from the pan into a cup and dumped the bacon onto a large porcelain bowl. It was one of the only nice pieces of china I had, and it wasn’t even mine. I’d stolen it from a restaurant because Viv liked how shiny it was. “If you’ll sit down at the table there is more where this came from. I’m going to make biscuits and gravy, too.” Aera offered.

“That’s really sweet of you, but I promised my girlfriend I’d meet up with her before school. We have to meet in the middle because she lives so far away to go to Garden. Thank you, though, it was nice meeting you!” Vivienne bolted back toward her room to get ready for her morning ritual with Kazane and I couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful woman fiddling with the knobs on my stove. She’d met her once and my kid already liked her. That was a big deal for me.

I sauntered forward and wrapped my arms around her waist as I pulled her as tight against my body as I could. “So, you’re already one of my children’s mother…wanna adopt the other one?” I purred. I was trying to be sexy, to a degree, but I was also expressing a genuine desire. Vivi was a young woman. She needed a mother, and Ellone had been gone almost her entire life. There were things she needed that I couldn’t be for her.

“Shhh!” Aera was grinning from ear to ear but she swatted at me. “Don’t say that too loud. I’d like to have a relationship with her before we drop that kind of news. I don’t want her to hate me.”

I rolled my eyes. That was unlikely. Vivi had never hated someone in her entire life. My daughter wasn’t anything like me. She was completely pure at heart, like Ellone. My smile faltered a little and I buried my face into the crook of her neck. “Listen, um…after breakfast, do you wanna walk with me around the farm? I’ll show you what all we get up to. I mean um…if you wanted, this could be your home one day…so…”

I didn’t know how to ask a lady to move in with me, I was a little out of practice when it came to romance. Ellone had been the only woman I’d ever really made it anywhere with, and it was largely out of necessity and a touch of trauma. Aera turned the burner down low so she could twist around in my arms to look at me. She took both sides of my face into her hands and pressed her forehead against my own. “I would love to.” I was satisfied with that answer and I tried to pull away but her grip on me was steadfast. “Seifer I…I know it hasn’t been terribly long, but…” She trailed off and refused to look at me all of a sudden.

“But…you want to live with me?” My voice was too hopeful, and I swore at myself as I looked anywhere but at her beautiful face. Aera Ahn was far more beautiful than I ever deserved. Her long wavy black hair fell to her waist and there were the loveliest flecks of green in her mostly brown eyes. I was stunned for a moment and she was so warm in my arms that I was getting uncomfortable.

Aera giggled. “I was going to say that I’m…falling in love with you. But if you want me here, I’m okay with that, too.” We were going to be having a baby together. Living arrangements were going to become a big deal since she lived an hour away from us in the heart of the city. My whole life was poured into the farm, I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to, so I was more than a little relieved to hear her say that.

No one had ever said they were in love with me before. Not even Elle. I love you and I’m in love with you were not necessarily synonymous and I had no idea how to react. My words were lost but my body responded for me before my brain could play catch up. I kissed that woman with every fiber of my being and my heart stuttered in my chest as I felt her melt against me. Aera was going to mother my son. My only living son. She was instantaneously the most important thing in my heart—save for my daughter. All senses of attraction were intensified, just knowing we had created life together. Who cared how long it had been? Not me. I was comfortable moving at whatever pace she set for us.

“Stay with me forever then.” Was all I could think to say. It sounded lame to my own ears, but I was pleased to see her blush. She nibbled on her large pouty lips for a moment for an excruciatingly coy moment before she pressed a gentler kiss to my lips.

“And you’ll show me the farm?”

I smirked. “Every inch.”

“Deal!”

I had to laugh at how cute she was being, and it only intensified after breakfast. Aera stayed as close to me as was physically possible as we meandered through the stables and her eyes were glazed with pure merriment as I pulled out a metal bucket and approached the mother Chocobos. I could always tell when someone had never witnessed a milking before, and it made me happy that I could show her firsthand. A lot of people didn’t realize that a Chocobo’s reproductive anatomy was more akin to a platypus than that of an actual chicken. Most people assumed all pasteurized milk came from cows. “Good mornin’ Tit Sucker the Second. C’mere, you know the drill.” I muttered, mostly to myself, not cognizant of what exactly I’d just said in front of the woman I loved.

“You named her…what…?”

I cleared my throat and stammered a little. “Well I mean…that’s what she is. She sucked on the tits of Tit Sucker the first, my original milking bird.” It sounded crass and sexist, but it was too late to take it back. If Aera was going to love me, she might as well love all of me or it wasn’t going to work. I grabbed a hold of the bird’s nipples and she sat perfectly still for me. She let out a soft kweh and nuzzled her soft little head under my chin. “Yeah, I know it. I know you were over full, this should help.”

“Seifer…” Aera muttered my name and I couldn’t tell exactly what she was feeling. I frowned.

“She lost a few of her youngin’s to a coyote. She’s overproducing to feed babies that aren’t here anymore, so she’s been a little sore. I try to milk her a little extra. It hurts, but she’s grateful, because it’ll lessen the over all pain she’s in once there isn’t so much pressure in there.” Aera had been a mother once before, so I was sure she understood what I meant. Weening babies from their mom’s milk was hard on both mother and child. Adel had forced Ellone to ween all our girls early, and the pain in her breasts was almost unbearable before she started to dry up.

Aera was quiet for a long moment and I was half afraid she was angry with me before I felt her press the length of her face against my spine. “Every time I think you’re an ass, you end up surprising me. You’re sweeter than you think you are, Almasy.”

I swiped a finger under my nose and snorted. “Am I? Maybe you just don’t know me well enough yet.”

She chuckled and shook her head as she held me there. “I think I understand you better than you realize.” I waited for her to elaborate but she never did, and I shrugged my shoulders. Aera was the only person who had ever loved me willingly, and for the moment, that was all I cared about. Maybe she did understand what I’d been through, and maybe she didn’t at all. But in the closeness of the moment…the steady beat of her heart against my back was the only thing in my world that meant anything. And that was precious.


	102. Chapter 102

*Julia’s POV*

Several days past before what had transpired between my father and I was finally addressed. My parents and brother were busy taking care of Garnet, as they should have been, and I had no hard feelings about being left to my own devices. I wanted to be alone. Ma Dincht passed away just two days after donating both her kidneys to her grandchild, and the entire Dincht family was deep in morning. I had never felt more guilty that I wasn’t in good enough condition to leave the house. I had missed her funeral. I made sure to call Uncle Zell and Aunt Quistis at least once a day. I knew they were hurting. I couldn’t even imagine how I’d have felt if my mother hadn’t come back to me.

The good news was that Nettie was healing beautifully from her transplant and baby Zeltennia was hanging in there. It had been a very risky surgery for the baby, but her vitals had remained strong. That baby was a little fighter and an immense blessing. I prayed for her every day. Dad and Felicia had neglected to tell Zell and Quistis about their little adventure to Dollet, and I was glad for it. Angry as I was that Dad had gone without me, Zell and Quistis didn’t need that on their plate right now. It was better to put the investigation on hold until everyone was on the road to recovery.

That day in particular, however, I was in a sullen mood. Tatsuki had promised to write me every day, and I hadn’t received a single letter. I wasn’t angry that he’d broken the promise, but it did make me worry about him. He was the love of my life. I didn’t know how to be without him anymore. My own mother hadn’t really spoken to me in two weeks, just like everyone else in the house, and I was lonely. It wasn’t because she was angry with me, I knew that, she was just spending a lot of time by Nettie’s bedside, and I was glad for it. That’s where she needed to be. I just wished Tatsuki was there to keep me company. I wished I knew he was alright.

“Well,” I yawned as I stretched my limbs out in my bed as best I could. “I guess it’s just you two and Mommy again today. What should we do?” I drummed my fingers along my belly and smiled as I watched my skin roll with their crowded movements. Nurse Ahn was giving me shots to speed their growth, and so far, it was working. Tadashi had already almost doubled in size. It relieved a lot of my fears for him.

Tadashi rolled what felt like his little butt under my ribcage like he liked to do, and I groaned a little as I let out a small chuckle. He seemed to still think he was tiny in there. “Oof, okay, you’re right, we should be helpful today.” I had started having pretend conversations with my twins a lot since permanent bedrest had gone into effect. They were the only people with me at all times, and I thought maybe the dialog would keep the three of us all sane. “Let’s order Pa Dincht some groceries, huh?”

Trinity kicked me hard at the sound of my voice and I smiled as I struggled to reach for my phone. My belly was getting bigger every day and twenty-seven weeks with twins was proving to be heavy. The twins felt kind of low in my pelvis, which worried me a lot, but last week Nurse Ahn had assured me that it was normal to carry twins lower due to the extra weight. I pulled up the app I had for our local grocery store and began mindlessly piling things into the cart.

I had been buying Pa Dincht groceries and having them delivered to his house for a while now. He was old and I knew Zell and Quistis were so busy with Garnet that they probably couldn’t afford to make sure he was taking care of himself. He had just lost someone he had been married to for over forty years. I knew someone needed to be looking out for him, so why not me? I was making some extra Gil now that I’d been set up to work from home on my laptop. I could spare the money to keep him healthy for my extended family. It was our little secret.

I wasn’t the only one who had been online shopping, apparently, either. Tatsuki was good on his word and his mother had been shipping all kinds of items to the house for the babies. I knew he must have wired her money for it before he left. Nurse Ahn would help me waddle to the front porch to collect them on the days she was here, since no one else seemed to be interested in doing so. It was the only walking besides getting up to pee that I was allowed to do every week.

Our goal was thirty-five weeks. Nurse Ahn seemed to think anything beyond that was a pipe dream, but I was praying to make it to term. I didn’t want my babies to stay over night in the hospital. It wasn’t safe. If I couldn’t keep my eyes on them, I had no way of making sure Soichiro never touched them. “Don’t you worry my loves. Eomma is going to keep you safe. We just have to make it another thirteen weeks. It doesn’t matter if Papa doesn’t love you, _I_ do, and I’m not letting anything happen to you.”

“Is that really what you think?”

I yelped a little and nearly jumped clean out of my skin as my father suddenly materialized in my doorway. Great. I wasn’t looking to hurt his feelings, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood to play games, either. The situation was cut and dry. He didn’t want these twins. “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to my children.” My tone was flat, but it wasn’t accusatory. I was tired. I didn’t want to fight. I mentally and emotionally wasn’t capable of it.

“Jules…please. Listen, it’s not like that—”

“What’s it like then?” I asked with a small sigh. “This is the first time I’ve seen your face in two weeks.”

I half expected Dad to get frustrated and storm off. It was what I wanted. I was tired of being hurt and hurting others in the process. Leaving me alone was what was best for everyone. I was surprised when he sat gingerly at the foot of my bed and fidgeted with his gloves. “Julia Raine, you’re my little girl. You’re always going to be my little girl. I think we need to talk. I cannot bare the idea of you hating me. Anyone but you, please.” He begged.

“Daddy I don’t hate you. You really hurt my feelings and I lashed out, and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I could never hate you. You’ve always been my favorite person. Always. But you know me, and I’m going to call things like I see them. You’re the one who taught me to be that way. I know you’re trying, but you truly don’t love my kids. Tell me I’m wrong.”

I sat patiently for an answer and Dad sounded resigned when he finally spoke. He reached for my hand and I let him thread his fingers between my own. I _did_ miss him. “Julie…I…you’re right. I don’t love them. I feel mild concern for them, and I value that they’re my grandchildren, but I didn’t want them to exist and I’m not attached to them. There isn’t any point in lying to you about it.”

I swallowed hard but I nodded. No sense in crying over what I already knew to be true. “Then don’t act offended when I tell them so. I’m not going to parade you around as their grandfather when that isn’t what you are. You’re my Daddy, and they have their Daddy and that’s going to be it.”

Dad’s blue eyes were wide, and he gripped my fingers tightly as his lips twisted with grief. “Please don’t say that. I w-want to be their Papa, I just—I need some more time, baby. Think about how much you love those babies. That’s how much I love you, and I watched someone destroy you. Could you bare to love a child born of violence against Trinity?”

Violence against Trinity? No one was ever going to touch my—my thoughts ended abruptly, and I squeezed my father’s fingers in return. I knew for a fact he’d once felt the same way. No one was ever going to hurt me. There was no way to protect a child from everything. My father had given everything he had to raise me, and I’d still been brutalized. That wasn’t his fault, but I understood now, why he might feel that way. “I need you to understand something.” I said slowly. “What happened to me wasn’t your fault. You’re not going to be able to have a relationship with my kids until you accept that. You didn’t do anything wrong. You told me not to see him anymore and I disobeyed you. I was and continue to be the problem.”

We were both quiet for a long moment and Dad’s face was wet with tears as he stared up at my ceiling. There was a lot still that both of us needed to process, that much was evident. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. If it’s not my fault, it’s not yours either. You disobeyed me, yes, kids disobey their parents all the time. That doesn’t mean you asked for what happened to you. This is on no one’s but Soichiro’s.”

That was the first time since the assault my father had been able to force that name from his lips. I was proud of him. I wasn’t afraid of that name. He held no power over me anymore. If he had power over me then he had power over my twins, and that was not a notion I was willing to entertain. “Then please don’t blame the babies, if you mean that.” I bleated as a sob stuck in the back of my throat. “Don’t blame my angels for anything that happened. I r-really love them, Dad. I’m the one who chose their existence and their lives. I’m the reason they exist, not him. S-So if you’re going to hate anyone, hate m-me.”

Daddy pressed a hand to the center of my abdomen and held it there for the first time. Really held it there. “J-Julia, I could never hate—”

“I’m seven months pregnant this week, Dad.” I said softly. “You don’t have much longer to make that choice. They’re coming. Soon I’m going to be sitting in this bed nursing my newborns, and I don’t know if I could handle you looking at their little faces like they don’t belong here. You are everything to me, but if it’s either you or my kids I have to pick my kids. And I will.”

Dad rubbed his hand in a small circle and he almost allowed himself to smile as both twins kicked at his palm. “I know. I gave your grandfather that same ultimatum when you were born. Not because he didn’t love you, but because he was never around for me. I understand you more than you think, baby. We’ve always been just alike.” His lips quivered a little, but he managed to grin up at me. “I’m s-so proud of you, for being grown up enough to make that decision. It’s a hard one.”

My heart felt like it was shredding inside my chest and I wrapped my arms around Dad’s torso so I could press him tightly against my body. “Why does that sound like a goodbye? Is your mind…already made up?” I felt like I was being abandoned and it hurt worse than any pain I’d ever endured. I treasured both of my parents. I couldn’t bare the thought of losing them at all, let alone willingly.

“It…is. If I have to choose, I might as well do it now.”


	103. Chapter 103

My eyes were welling with tears, terrified of his answer. My father and I had been one another’s closest ally my entire life. I couldn’t imagine living without him. If he couldn’t bring himself to be near my children, however, I wouldn’t have a choice. I wouldn’t dare abandon them. I watched his expression too intently and my lips twitched with unadulterated misery as I caught a glimpse of the nothingness behind his eyes. He wasn’t going to choose us.

“I do love them. I mean I don’t—not in the way I’m meant to, but I _want_ to love them. I choose to love them. Does that…make sense?” No. It didn’t. He sounded confused. I tore my gaze away from his face and I could feel his eyes on me as he reached to willingly cup a hand under my belly. “Julia, I mean it. I can’t lose you. I won’t. I will figure this out for them.”

My voice was hollow as I spoke, no matter how hard I was trying to shake the pain from my chest. “And if you can’t?”

“I _will_.” When I finally forced myself to look at my father his grey blue eyes were burning with an intensity I recognized all too well. He looked at my mother with those eyes. He was being honest with me. “I…want us to start over, okay? Even your mother, who wasn’t happy about Tadashi, is angry with me. I’ve…made a mess of everything. Sometimes my emotions swell too big inside of me and I—”

“You explode?” I asked with a laugh as I wiped a few stray tears from my cheeks. “I know. I’m the same way. Thanks for that.”

Daddy actually chuckled and a small smile curled at the edges of his mouth. “Hey, you only inherited the good things. You’re perfect.”

I rolled my eyes. That wasn’t anywhere close to being true. I was a cluster of both my parents very worst qualities, and everyone knew it. I was awful. Tatsuki had never cared, though. He loved me anyway. I frowned and swallowed the lump forming in the back of my throat. “Tatsuki…”

I trailed off, but Dad nodded, as if he could somehow read my mind. I tilted my head to the side curiously and he patted at something inside the breast of his leather jacket. “That’s…another thing I need to apologize for. You’re going to hate me.” He looked so ashamed of himself for a moment that I was frightened. My father was never one to admit when he was wrong. Never. He must have done something that was eating at him. He pulled a stack of envelopes from his jacket and my heart sank into my stomach. _Please tell me you didn’t._

“D-Daddy…” I wanted to be angry. I knew exactly what they were before he slid them pitifully into my outstretched hands. I had three letters addressed to me from Tatsuki, and it looked like he had written one’s for Mom, Noctis and Nettie, Lissa, Yuna, and even Larxine. The only person who didn’t have a letter in the stack…was Dad. I couldn’t blame Tatsuki for not writing to Dad. He’d shipped him off to Trabia in the middle of a war without any explanation. He refused to even brief me on what it entailed.

Dad hung his head and his eyes were boring holes into my bedsheets as he scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. “It wasn’t…malicious. I promise it wasn’t, Jules. I just was afraid that any disclosed information about what he was doing out there would put stress on you. We worked hard to get your labor stopped.”

I sighed. “And worry that my husband was potentially dead wasn’t stressful?” I didn’t snap at him. There was no point. I was resigned to my situation. I was seven months pregnant and both physically and mentally exhausted. I just wanted to be with my children and sleep. That was it. No more petty drama, my heart couldn’t take it. “It’s…fine. Thank you for giving them to me.”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments before Dad inched closer to me on the bed. He scooted and shuffled until he was pressed firmly against me and he pulled both gloves off to get a good feel for my belly. I almost didn’t like it. It was weird having my dad be affectionate with the twins. It felt out of place, and I hated that I felt that way. “Do you want to know why our last name isn’t Loire?” He asked softly.

To be honest I had never thought about it. I supposed it _was_ a little strange that we didn’t have Papa’s last name. Subconsciously I had sort of assumed the orphanage had given him one. I offered a small smile. “Sure.”

“Squall was the only name I had when I arrived at your grandmother’s orphanage. It was knitted into my baby blanket. When I was a child, and I got scared at night, Matron said to me, Squall, nothing can ever hurt you so long as you’re brave. Be brave, little lion. So…I made up my own protector. Something I thought would keep me brave while Sis was gone.”

It wasn’t often that my father spoke of his days at the orphanage. It wasn’t a happy subject and I couldn’t look at him as my hormones overwhelmed me. I reached for his fingers and he rubbed the back of my hand affectionately. “Griever.” I whispered.

Dad nodded. “The one and only. I was never going to get adopted, because of the way that I am. So, I was shipped off to Garden, and everyone there had last names but me. I’d pencil in Leonhart on all my forms, because it sounded like Lion Heart, and it made me feel that braveness that Matron had attempted to instill in me. It wasn’t my legal name, though, until I married your mother. I was…Julia I was so proud to give you that last name.”

His voice quivered a little with emotion and I pressed my forehead firmly against his own. “Daddy, why are you telling me this all of a sudden?”

Dad rubbed at my belly once more and a flicker of both guilt and hope crossed his face as my children wriggled beneath his touch. “Because I want you to remember how much I’ve always loved you. There is nothing in this world that could ever destroy the bond we have. You’re my lion cub, no matter how big you ever get, and I’ll love and protect you with my last breath. So…I’m really sorry that I’ve done a shit job of showing you that.”

We were both crying by the time he was finished speaking and I wrapped my arms around his neck. This was long overdue. So much had gone unsaid between the two of us since my assault and we needed to start truly being there for one another. “Oh, Daddy, I know. That’s why I want you to stop blaming yourself and just be my Dad again, okay? I just want us to go back to how we were. I want to have dates with you and dance with you in the kitchen and watch stupid shows while Mom burns dinner and we have to get take out.”

I made him laugh but he cried harder and buried his nose into the crook of my neck as I rubbed soothing circles into his back. He was always so strong. Sometimes Daddy just needed for someone to be in his corner, and it couldn’t always be Mom. “We can do that,” He promised. “We can do all those things. Twins and Tatsuki included. If you’ll just promise me o-one thing.”

I wanted that life back so badly and I wept over his shoulder as I squeezed him as tightly as I was able. “Anything.”

“Promise me that he’s treating you right? Promise me he’s not putting on a show. He’s not hitting you or your belly, he’s not screaming, he’s not manipulating? Julia I c-can’t, I can’t watch you get hurt a-again.”

I was surprised for a moment, but only a moment. Dad hadn’t liked Soichiro, but he’d had no idea the extent of the abuse until the assault. I’d hidden it well. My dad had practically raised Tatsuki, however, so I was surprised that he would worry that way about us. He knew Tatsuki was a good man. “Daddy, Tatsuki is my everything. He would die before he hurt me, that isn’t an act. I know you’re afraid to watch me love again, but please don’t be. He’s not him. Tatsuki loves me and he loves these babies. You brought him up well. Noctis would do well to remember that, too. He seems to think he’s a monster.”

That seemed to bring him at least a little comfort and he smiled. “I saw and continue to see a lot of potential in him. I’m…grateful, that he has the capacity to love them.”

“He named Tadashi after you.” I admitted softly. “Tadashi Squall and Trinity Hina. I named her, he named him. Would it…would it help you connect with them, if we gave one of them Leonhart as a last name?”

Dad couldn’t bare for me to see the waterworks and he buried his face in his hands as he pulled away from me sharply. “I didn’t…I didn’t realize that Tatsuki—”

“He’s always looked up to you.”

That was the truth; Tatsuki thought of my father as the blueprint for what a husband and father was supposed to be. He was so eager to fill Dad’s shoes that he sometimes got ahead of himself a little. He wanted to make him proud so badly that he made hasty decisions in an attempt at looking like he knew what he was doing in every situation. That tended to backfire, but his intensions were pure. I chuckled at the thought, though Dad didn’t seem to know what to do with that information. I think it made him slightly uncomfortable, to have that much influence over someone who wasn’t even his child. “It would…make me really happy, if the twins had our last name.” He finally said.

“One of them,” I corrected. “I’ll give one of them our family name, but the other get’s Tatsuki’s. He’s their father. I’m not budging on that.”

The tension in the room had lessoned enough that I finally felt like I could breathe, and I think the feeling must have been mutual. Dad relaxed into the bed and allowed his muscles to loosen up as Kingsley attempted to curl up in his lap. He threaded his fingers through the puppy’s blonde fur and hummed to himself for a moment. “I don’t expect you to. He’s your husband. I do hope he intends to be more than their step-father.”

I snorted. “His name will be on their birth certificate. He is _not_ their step-father.”

“In the eyes of the law he is.” Dad sighed. “That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand. Tatsuki needs to legally adopt these kids if that’s his intension. We need to be looking for a lawyer.” That didn’t make sense to me. There was no way a rapist had any legal claim over a child they helped create by force…right? I got quiet suddenly and a familiar wheeze rattled in my throat for two seconds before Dad had my inhaler out and ready. “Don’t freak out.” He said quickly. “Your Mom and I are trying to finish what your grandfather started. If we can do that, everything should work out just fine.”

He meant the rape case. I almost wanted to roll my eyes. My grandparents had pushed for a punishment that was too harsh for the crime and the police hadn’t taken us seriously at all. I didn’t have much hope or faith in our justice system. I frowned. “He can’t have them.” I hissed stiltedly. “I’ll kill him myself before he lays a finger on either one of them. They’re mine.”

Dad pressed a kiss to my temple and shushed me as my dog wedged his plump body between us in an attempt at consoling my sudden shift in mood. “If I can, I’ll make him disappear before you even give birth. I don’t want you to worry about it. Daddy will think of something. I always do.”


	104. Chapter 104

*Tatsuki’s POV*

It was my fifth week away from Timber before I finally received any letters back from my love. I had been worried sick that something had happened. I sent so many letters daily to the Leonhart residence that the Trabian mail carriers stationed at our base knew my name by heart. Julia would have been thirty weeks pregnant this month and I was terrified that they had come early or been born dead or Soichiro had found them. It wasn’t like Julia to be unresponsive, so when the day finally came that a pile of letters slid across my desk, I burst into almost frantic tears.

_Dear Tatsuki,_

_I miss you, lovie. I miss you more than I can bare it. I’m so sorry I’m just now writing, Dad had been keeping your letters from me. He and I have talked things over, and I think we’re in a better spot in our relationship now, so I hope you come home to a happy house. The twins are growing really well, and I hate that you’re missing it. Nurse Ahn gave me another ultrasound this morning and Tadashi is finally measuring a healthy weight. He’s still smaller than Trinity, but that’s to be expected since the placenta seems to be favoring her for whatever reason. I wish you could have seen their faces. I think they’re going to look a lot like Mom._

_They were snuggling. Tatsuki our babies love one another. Isn’t that the sweetest? They’re both head down and ready to go, too. You better come home before they do, mister. I really miss you, and Aera says that once we meet the thirty-week milestone they could realistically come at any time. I hope they don’t. I want them to cook for as long as they can. A stay in the NICU is not something I look forward to. I can’t protect them in there._

_Tell me you’re being safe? I’ve noticed you’re drafting your paychecks into my bank account. How much Gil did you take with you? Are you eating? Please be taking care of yourself, Tatsuki, you’re more important to me than income. Tell me what’s happening in that part of the world. Tell me that you’re safe. I love you with all my heart and I miss you more every day that you’re not at my side. Keep your promise. Come home to me alive._

_All my love,_

_Your Jule_

I clutched the letter to my chest and my lips threatened to quiver as I pulled out a small ultrasound that she had pinned to the back of her letter with a paperclip. She was right. They did look like Rinoa already. I could see her rosebud lips even in the grainy black and white photograph. If they looked like Rinoa then they looked like Julia and I traced their beautiful little faces with my finger for a moment before I realized she’d written something on the back. I flipped the ultrasound over and wiped away the tears that fell automatically.

_Personality update: Tadashi likes to sleep under Mommy’s ribs and Trinity only sleeps during the day. Trinity likes attention. She kicks all the time and get’s excited when people love on our belly. Tadashi is more reserved. He kicked more when you were around, I think he misses Daddy. Nurse Ahn said he probably found comfort in the base of your voice. They aren’t liking greasy foods this week, only veggies, but Tadashi really seems to like Mom’s cooking. He wiggles a little when we have Spaghetti._

That was all it said. I was crying, but she had made me so incredibly happy. I couldn’t wait to come home to them. This mission had been a disaster from start to finish. Squall almost never sent his SeeD’s anywhere that wasn’t on the Western Continent. Sending Sir Morales to Winter Island had been the first time one of our own had put boots in the East for as long as I could remember. We had kept to ourselves after the Esthar-Trabian War finally ended. I scrunched my nose at the memory. People were too frightened to call it what it actually was. The Third Sorceress War. People were quick to call a war a Sorceress War when Sorceresses are doing the terrorizing, but not when Sorceresses were falling victim to mass genocide.

It made me angry. I’d live my entire life around Sorceresses, Timber was a Sanctuary nation and the woman that I loved had been a Sorceress her entire life. They were only as dangerous as people made them be. The oppressed tend to rise against their oppressors, as they should. Timber knew that better than anyone. Thankfully it was my job to protect the Sorceress. That was Timber Garden’s entire mission, and it was one I whole heartedly supported.

The Lone Knight’s of Aria North had all been deployed to Trabia. We were a branch of Garden that kept our resident Sorceresses from losing control of their spirits. We were charged with keeping Sorceresses safe from those who would do them harm, those like the Orderless. I thought Headmaster Leonhart had made a mistake in sending us off. Who was protecting our charges back home now that all of us were away but Squall? He couldn’t protect the entire nation alone.

I was lost in my melancholy thoughts when a familiar presence flopped down beside me. One SeeD in particular had either decided he loved or hated me, I couldn’t tell, and he never let me be for longer than twenty minutes if we weren’t in the throes of combat. His name was Jae-Su and he shot me a lazy smile as he jammed a grisly looking burger into his mouth. “What’s up Commander? Why the long face? You send your whole paycheck to your old lady again?” He tried to force feed me a bite of his sandwich and I jammed my elbow into his ribcage.

“N-None of your business…Sir.” I swore at myself under my breath. I didn’t even know how to be mean correctly. I didn’t understand how Squall did it so effortlessly. I disliked that Jae-Su called Julia my ‘old lady’. Something about it made me picture her as my mom, and that bothered me. “You’d do well to take care of yours.”

The other SeeD snorted. “My wife is very well cared for, thank you. Some of us can afford to protect their Sorceress _and_ live comfortably, you know. Why the hell are you so poor, anyway? I thought the First Family was rich.”

I gritted my teeth. I knew that Squall only allowed those who were already living as Knights to be part of the Lone Knights, but it floored me that this guy was somehow protecting anyone. “Some of us are expecting children. I’m about to have babies.” I snapped. Jae-Su only laughed and reached to pat my stomach.

“Oh, congratulations. I didn’t realize you had the parts, champ.”

I was going to hit him if I didn’t get to work soon and I counted to ten as I rubbed gingerly at my temples. Jae-Su was a good man. All the Knights we worked with were, or they wouldn’t have been allowed to be Knights. I was just irritable. I was hungry and tired, and I missed Julia more than anything. I took one last look at the ultrasound and brought it to my lips to kiss each of their little faces. Jae-Su pretended to gag a little and peered curiously into the open envelope I’d left on the table between us.

“Looks like your old lady left your broke ass a little gift. Eat something with it, will you? Gotta keep your strength up. I never see you eat, kid.”

I slipped the picture of my twins into my wallet for safekeeping, so I could have them with me on the battlefield, and jerked the envelope up closer to my face. _Shit._ She’d slipped about 200 Gil in behind the letter. I knew she was worried about me, but I really wished she wouldn’t do that. I was sending my checks back home for a reason. I hadn’t been pulling my weight enough. I was trying to provide for our whole family. We were well off, but hospital bills were pilling up between Julie and Nettie, and we had four children entering our household sooner than any of us could fully prepare for.

 _I’ll spend a few Gil on instant noodles or something and send the rest of this back._ I thought to myself, in spite of my protesting and aching stomach. I had been eating the bare minimum to max out the amount of Gil I could send home and I was losing a lot of weight. We had reached the end of the tunnel, however, I hoped. The mission in Trabia hadn’t been as cut and dry as I would have liked, the orders were vague.

Trabia was war-torn and picking back up the pieces in the wake of Esthar’s destruction. Esthar had reduced the country to rubble during the Esthar-Trabian war, and Trabia had spent almost twenty-years rebuilding. However, the missile strike on Esthar had left lingering health problems for the nearby country and several Trabian residence had whole families suffering from radiation sicknesses. It was making it difficult for them as a nation to make a speedy recovery. The last thing Trabia needed was the Shumi dragging them into their mess, but that appeared to be the prognosis.

Our orders were to secure Sorceresses in the area and bring them home to shelter in Timber. We had the most state-of-the-art hospital in the world. We had the resources to care for the sick and protect the Sorceresses from what Headmaster Leonhart perceived to be a resurgence in Orderless activity. Larxine’s account that the Orderless had only been wiped out in _part_ of the world had Squall’s guard up and we heavily suspected the Shumi were involved. This Xystus person hadn’t come out of nowhere. He had known something, and Alistair wasn’t able to tell us. The Orderless were somehow responsible for Laguna’s death. I could feel it.

The trouble was, how were we supposed to rally all the Sorceresses in a nation as large as Trabia? Trabia had been teeming with Orderless during the war, too. No one there was going to openly admit to sorcery. That was lunacy. It had been five long weeks and we had only managed to coax a few terrified women into our camp. It was a mess. Surely, I thought, we’d be allowed to come home soon.

I sighed and gathered my things into the small locker I kept at the end of my bedroll. It was almost time for the sun to set and I was pondering whether or not I should ask a senior officer for cellphone clearance. I was the SeeD Commander, but I wasn’t a high rank within the Lone Knights, and we weren’t allowed cellular distractions while on duty. I was desperate to hear my wife’s voice, however, just once, and if I could get them to spare me just five minutes—

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a loud explosion and the heat felt as if it were melting my flesh as I was thrust violently to the ground. Another body collided with my own, covering me as their blood curdling screams pierced my eardrums. It was Jae-Su, and I attempted to push him off me as the weight of his body ground my face into the dirt. _No,_ I panicked to myself, _get off me. Please, you’re going to die._ I tried to call out to him, but my mouth was full of soil and he panted a little before his body went limp. “Y-You have…kids, kid.”

 _No!_ “J-Jae-Su!” I coughed as particles from the dirty ground were sucked into my lungs, but I didn’t care. Jae-Su didn’t deserve to die, and we had Sorceresses to protect. I could hear the women we had saved screaming and I rolled my comrades lifeless body from my own to bolt toward the tent we had pitched for them. I couldn’t see our attackers, but that firepower hadn’t come from any civilians. There was no way in hell. I gripped my wallet as tightly as I could and thought back to my wife and children back at home. I had to make it out alive. I promised. 

**Author's Note:**

> Characters belong to Squre Enix.


End file.
